WolfCop (2014)

[bunniefuu]

Ah f*ck!

Good morning Woodhaven.

This is WCK, I'm Bob

I'm Dan, and we are BAD Radio.
B-A-D Radio.

The clock is tick-tick-ticking
down to you know what.

The world famous
Drink n sh**t.

Don't you judge me.

Looks like some people
might have started early.

We're still getting daily reports
about missing dogs and cats.

I'm not pointing any fingers

No, but I'd avoid eating the
hotdogs they're showing on me.

And I'd avoid those
pork swords anyway.

You know what I've heard Dan?

People are certainly
scared to getting eaten

by the infamous
Woodhaven walking bear.

- Be a bear is on the att*ck.
- We were.

Mayor Bradley is looking
like the election frontrunner.

So will it be golden
boy Terry Wallace or

returning heavyweight Mayor Bradley.

Who has what it takes
to clean up this town.

Not enough mayors in the world to
help our Woodhaven Sheriff Department.

Speaking of which eclipse morning
radio is of course brought to you by

Liquor Doughnuts.

Liquor Doughnuts,
what more could you ask for?

Where is he?

- I'm right here, genius.
- Chief, I was just about to...

Save your bullshit, Lou.

I could smell you the moment
you pulled into the station.

f*ck!

Tina should have been off
night watch, what, 2 hours ago?

Get an update from her.

- What's up his ass?
- They hit Munro's gas station last night.

- Who?
- Piggies.

Sergeant Tina Wash.

- Hey, this is Willie Higgins.
- Willie. You again.

Yeah ah.
Slow down.

Okay.
I got it.

Disturbance call.
Your boyfriend Willie Higgins.

You think you can get this one?

Willie!

- What is it this time?
- Shhhh.

Why don't you come around back?

Officer.
Let me show you.

- Please tell me this is Bigfoot sex tape.
- No.

Do you believe in the occult, Lou?

Because I think I know
what's been happening

to all the missing
pets around town.

Jesus Christ?

Teenagers.
They've been sacrificing them to Satan.

God knows why, I don't know. I assume
they've doing some kinky sexual stuff.

But they've been creeping around
in the bushes out back all week.

I'm here in the woods.

The noises have stopped.
I think I'm alone.

- Look! Here!
- There's the mark of the beast.

Proof.

So I'm going to give you an AK-47,
I'm going to take an M-16.

- We're going to find those kids...
- You ever hear of heavy metal?

Like lead... mercury?

- No.
- Oh my God.

Been a slice.
But I have other police work to do.

This is real, Lou. You gonna see
an eye when I do is citizen arrest

on a teenager with a f*cking shotgun.

Remember what happened to
the boy that cried wolf, Willie.

Nothing happened to him.
But that town's flock was f*cked.

Town's flock was f*cked.

Lou, come in.
You there? Over.

Go ahead.

How did that thing go with Higgins?

Ah, a bunch of kids
partying in the woods.

Following up a possible lead now.

Your usual.

Stocking up for the Drink n sh**t?

Thanks to our forefathers, in two days,
this bar will be full of drunk hunters.

That's what we need. Bunch of
drunks with g*ns running around.

Very funny. I'll have you know
I haven't fired mine in years.

Are you sure you
still know how to use it?

Jess, whiskey for my boys
and water for my horses.

Deputy.

Keeping the streets safe I see.

Come on.
b*at it!

It's time for a change, Woodhaven.

It's time to take on those who run
this town with the dr*gs and corruption.

Our local law enforcement has done nothing
for generations, and Mayor Bradley,

she's more concerned with selling
this town than with running it.

It's time we clean up Woodhaven,

and a vote for Wallace
is a vote for change.

Vote for Wallace!

Number 1, number 2, 3, 4...

Hello!
Hello.

- Did you find anything?
- Anything?

- The disturbance calls.
- Just some kids partying in the bush.

Well. Seems like they're at it again.
We just got another complaint.

Maybe you could catch him
in the act for a change.

Well, I just started my shift.
I could take it.

No, Mr Phinias will be here.
He can deal with it. There you go.

Maybe try getting off your
bar-stool this time. Just this once.

Party's over!
Pack it up!

Save me the paperwork.
Go the f*ck home.

Aaargh!

Holy hell?

- Terry!
- Behind you.

- Hello.
- You're awake? I'm impressed.

- Was just coming in? What's up?
- Well, there's been an incident.

- Hey! Don't do that.
- Or what?

You forget to shave?

Follow me.

There. Terry Wallace.

Mayoral race just got a
whole lot easier to call.

Hello. Did you see anything
suspicious last night?

Just didn't peg Terry for a junkie.

Yeah, sometimes people wear
different face in public.

Especially politicians.
It's a shame. He had my vote.

Ahh. Thank you.
Here we go.

Well, that's a lot of track marks...

Hunter found him this morning.
Called it in.

Looks like he called
the whole town too.

f*ck!

I never saw Terry
as much of a hunter.

What about the neck wound?

I imagine a critter
got to him last night.

Keep your eye open
for a stoned coyote.

Well, I mean is it an
att*ck or is it an OD?

Terms of cause of death, I'm leaning
towards an OD but I'll need an autopsy.

All right now, Terry is
a well known figure so

we keep this quiet until we
got all the facts, alright?

Mayor, was this an animal att*ck?

Well, of course we can't comment
on all the details at the moment,

but, as you know
it is our top priority.

How will this impact the festival?

Well, I think in the
wake of this tragedy,

the Drink n sh**t is going
to have to be canceled.

Oh no!

- What is it Tina?
- How do you know it was me?

- I smelt your perfume.
- I didn't wear any.

You buying this?

Feels oddly familiar, no?

I'm not trying to dredge up the past.
I'm just saying.

When was the last time they
canceled the Drink n' sh**t?

I know where you're going
with this and I'm not biting.

Just saying.

No, sh*t!

I'm standing in the forest where
locals have gathered for generations

drink in hand to hunt the
mystical Woodhaven beast.

Today, this annual tradition is in
jeopardy due to a gruesome discovery.

To Terry Wallace.

Such a shame about Terry.

This town could have
used some new blood.

- Well they certainly got it today.
- Wooh.

Too soon?

You know everyone in town.

Popular, very pretty.
Maybe you should run.

You think I'd give Mayor Bradley
a run for her money?

- You got my vote.
- Mine too.

You don't have to ask.
What's this?

- Police work.
- Really?

What?

I just don't think I've ever seen
you do actual work before.

Well, as Terry normally said,
it's time for a change.

Alright, we're closing early tonight.
Down it or drain it.

What the f*ck for?

- Private party.
- What the f*ck!

Don't worry, we'll be
here tomorrow, I promise.

f*cking bullshit! Whole f*cking
town's going to hell in a handbasket.

Alright, these will keep you
company while I'm gone.

If I didn't know any better...
I'd think you're trying to get me drunk.

- Almost done, handsome.
- No rush.

- Everything alright?
- Yeah. You?

- You want to get out of here?
- That is the best idea I've heard all day.

Whoo!
You alright fella?

Ooh!
Musta eat something funky.

- Well, let's get you to bed.
- That sounds...

I'll be right back.

What the...

Aaargh!

Eeeargh!

Aaargh!

Aaah!

Oh! What the f*ck!

Jessica!

Morning, Lou Garou.
How's your butt?

Willie, what the hell?

I'm sorry man, that's
my only cuffs. I improvised.

What the hell's gotten into you?

Oh, that's exactly
what I was going to ask you.

Play.

- What are you showing me?
- That's you, Lou. Last night.

This is Willie.
I just sh*t Lou Garou.

He's a f*cking wolf. I just put


Lou? Wolf.
f*cking, he's out.

So who's crying wolf now?

Ok ok. So I washed
your uniform last night.

It was a little dirty dirty,
so I put it in the cold cycle.

A lot of blood.

I'm going to make you some breakfast.

- I think you shrunk it.
- What? What was that?

Thank you Willie for helping me.
You're welcome.

I could throw you in jail
for kidnapping an officer.

Yeah you could and
I could sell you to science.

- You are a real f*cking guy, Willie.
- Thank you.

Now for the secret ingredient.

You thirsty boy?

Have a dog.

Man, he likes to party.

- That proves that.
- What the f*ck!

Wolfsbane! It's what garlic is
to vampires, Wolfsbane is to...

Don't say it.

This whole Chewbacca thing's got your
f*cking senses going into overdrive.

Hey, listen. You may or
you may not just start to get your period.

I'm gonna make you some new eggs.

Don't bother.
Tina's coming.

I'll be damned.

Now, last night was the full moon.

So I did some research in
between now and the solar eclipse.

- I'm gonna have to keep an eye on you.
- For how long?



But Lou, we gonna have
to lock you up tonight.

Come by the station at dusk.

Jesus, Lou. I've been
looking everywhere.

Good morning to you too.
What's your panic?

There's been another incident.
Jessica's bar.

Say, how did you
find me anyway?

It might come as a surprise
but I'm a police officer.

Lou, you know I've given up
expecting you to be a great cop.

But the least you could do is
be a cop that shows up on time.

Now, I don't know if you're ashamed, but
I do know that your dad sure sh*t would be.

- Jessie, thank you. We'll keep you posted.
- Well, thank you Ray.

Make yourself useful.
See Jessie to her car.

Chief, with all due respect,
between this and Wallace,

I think we're in over our head. Might
be time to bring someone in from the city.

This stays local.
You understand?

Maybe you could stop trying to do
my job and secure the crime scene.

- Mmm. How about that?
- Aah.

- Jess, I'm really sorry. I don't know...
- You weren't yourself, Lou.

- You didn't do this.
- Did I hurt you?

No. No, you saved me.

We'll talk later.

Lou.

That is some gnarly sh*t.

Lou.

Like a face.

Hey, kind of looks like you.

Oh, sorry I'm late, Chief.
Had to stop off at the brewery.

Do some investigating.

So if you had to guess,
what happened here?

Two dead man in the bathroom,

if not for the excess of severed flesh,
I would have guessed lovers quarrel.

- Is that animal hair?
- I don't know. What do you think Lou?

Look! You've been covering me
a lot lately. Why don't you take off?

I'll cover the night shift.

- Are you drunk?
- Thought I'd be nice.

- Nice?
- Yeah.

Okay.

Well, this is nuts.

One simple task.

Knock the cop out...

and bring him to me by 10 pm.

- Boss, we tried, but when we got there...
- You were late!

Timing is everything.

It's how the world runs,
it's how...

a business thrives.

Every second is precious.

Cause you see, time... is the
one thing that money can't buy.

- But he wasn't a... He was a...
- A what?

A big f*cking wolf.

- A wolf?
- Yeah. f*cking yeah.

Now are you sure that your
eyes weren't playing tricks on you?

I saw what I saw with my own eye.

Well, let's see then shall we?

Keep your eye on the time.

You dumb f*ck!

Hey!

You got any books on devil worship?

- Where'd you find this?
- Library. It's misfiled for years.

- The eee like jee, but I don't get this.
- Werewolves.

It says here, werewolves are
created in a baptism of blood.

The sacrifice of an innocent
turns another into a beast.

Yeah, that makes total sense.

According to this, werewolves
are pretty much impossible to k*ll

during phases of the full moon.
So it's usually a village idiot.

Village idiot?
Hey Lou, this is a book about you.

Someone easily contained
leading up to the reckoning.

What the hell is that?

I'm not a werewolf expert, man.
I don't know.

The reckoning.
The reason for the ritual.

The blood of beast is
drained during the solar eclipse

when the wolf is rendered weak.

Who the hell would
want werewolf blood?

Looks like changeling,
shape-shifters.

Apparently the blood of one werewolf
can maintain their power for decades.

What do they do?
Crystallize it, drink it up like Tang?

Who f*cking does that?

Do think I'm
myself when I'm the wolf?

I recognised you, man.
Same uniform plus you know...

You were drunk, so
I knew it was you. Why?

Well, we found 2 dead men this morning,
ripped to shreds in a bathroom.

And you think that was the hairy you?

Oh, I remember an att*ck.
Don't remember k*lling anyone, though.

Well you did seem like
freakishly strong, right?

And you had on those...
teeth and those claws.

Plus you got that,
you know, low self esteem,

low IQ daddy issues,
you're and alcoholic,

so you gotta have some rage, right?

That's a lethal combo, man.
I would have k*lled myself.

But hey, don't worry man.

Horse tranqs.
Street name: See You in a f*cking Week.

Jesus, Willie, that's
enough to drop a hippo.

That's the plan.
sh*t!

- Tweedledee, tweedledum.
- Just taking an official statement

- ...on those noise complaints.
- I made... I made a citizen's arrest.

Okay. You stay awake now.
You call me if anything comes up.

You bet.
Ah, yes sir.

f*ck!
Christ.

Lou! I'm so nervous.
Oh, I'm excited and nervous.

- Yeah.
- Yeah. It's exhilarating.

- Okay. Now, take off your gitch.
- No.

- Yeah, yeah. Take it off. For science.
- I'm not taking my gitch off, Willie.

Lose your gitch for science.
Lose your gitch.

Okay, turn around, hands
on the wall, bend over...

I'm just...
I'm f*cking with you.

Now if you can, f*cking just like
transform like right in that spot.

- Really?
- We got a sh*t.

Take off your gitch.
It's for science, man.

Just forget the gitch.

Hello.
You guys sh**ting a movie?

What? No!
It's a science movie.

Lou, can I talk to you for a second.
Alone.

I'll be back in a minute
and 45 seconds.

- What's going on with you?
- What do you mean?

You've gone from lazy to weird. And
you're spending a lot of time with Willie.

- He's helping me.
- Willie, is helping you?

- Okay, well now I'm worried.
- You wouldn't understand.

Wouldn't I? Willie, you and I
have more in common than not.

You know why I became a cop?

It's a long story.

My dad used to run the bar.
Jess's Bar.

He got mixed up in the
wrong crowd, and...

And when he went missing, your dad
was the only one that tried to find him.

- The only one who cared.
- I already know this.

I don't believe your father's
death was an accident.

Anymore than I believe my father was k*lled
by an animal att*ck, like Terry Wallace.

I know this town has secrets,
but if you don't want to trust me...

just... be safe.

I've had my sh*ts.
Appreciate your concern.

- Lou, what did she want?
- Nothing.

Okay.
Is it almost... time?

Sure, you don't want that pill?

It didn't hurt, man.
You just... put it right up.

I should do this sober.

Easy.

Showtime.

sh*t!

I'm not recording.

Lou, that was like the most
beautiful thing I've ever seen, man.

That was beautiful.

Is that weird?

Drink.

No, I'm good. I got it.

Oh! Okay, okay!

Jesus Christ.

More.

You got to be kidding me.

You eat f*cking... doughnuts.

I don't even know what it means,
man, because I tell you in that dream

I mean, he looked pretty
and it hurt so good.

Go fish.

Lou, it's not... Hey,
that's not how you play... fish.

We've been playing for about


Take 1 card.
Take 3 card.

Did you... did you get a match?

No, Lou.
Pump your f*cking brakes.

- Lou, this is not a good idea.
- Robbery.

- Lou, you're a wolf.
- Cop!

Last run.
Hurry.

Oh man.
Well, that sounds f*cking grim.

Shut it!

Drop it!

What the f*ck are you?

The fuzz.

Show yourself.

f*ck!

Get up.
I've got hostages.

Shut up!
Shut the f*ck up!

Thank you, officer.

Hey Lou, don't forget to m*rder
someone else on the way to the car.

Low profile man!

Well done, Lou. That's one more
thing for us to explain now, man.

Why don't you just
go run down the street,

yelling f*cking "Ali, ali akbar!"

Could we get out of here, we go home
before you blow down the whole...?

What?

I know what you're
thinking and I approve.

f*ck them!

- Hey Lou.
- Carl.

Okay, you pimped you ride,
now what?

Home is that way.

My turn.

Yikes, it burns!

Aargh!

Lou, I think you're
eating too much asparagus.

Let's roll.

This is f*cking cool!

You got f*cking rabies.

- This is still a crime scene.
- You gonna arrest me?

No. I just have a few
follow up questions.

Well, I have nothing further to add.

How about a drink then?

You know? I used to sit right
here when I was a little girl.

Drinking Shirley Temples
and watching my dad work.

- Tina here.
- This is dispatch. Attempted robbery

reported at Liquor Doughnuts.
Reports are of a g*ng of pigs and

- and large wolf on the scene.
- What?

Cheers.
Bitch!

No one comes in.
Got it?

Chief, come in.
Tina here.

There's been an incident at
Liquor Doughnuts. Two dead. Piggies.

m*therf*cker!

Lou, Lou! If you're still in
there, man. We gotta head back.

Lou, what do you smell?
What the f*ck are you sniffing?

We're out of road, man!
Think about this, man!

Go on!
Get out of here!

f*ck me!

f*cking...

That's f*cking worse, Lou.

f*cking get him, Lou.

Ahhh! You have no face!

Lou! Watch your back.

This is really bad!

Hey! We got a
real f*cking problem.

Lou!

Lab's exploding man.
Let's go.

Let's go, Lou. Now!

That's a meth.
Come on Lou.

Nice work.

Sorry, for ruining your
f*cking...

- ...place of work!
- Let's go.

It's gonna blow!
It's gonna blow!

Tina, two dead robbers.
I mean, what happened?

- It wasn't me.
- Well, where is Lou?

- No idea.
- Well g*dd*mn it,

he's suppose to be on duty.

- Maybe it was a vigilante.
- Well, did you at least get a description.

Ah ha ha. I did.
Tell him what you told me.

It was a big f*cking Wolfcop.

Tina here.

There's a fire. Route 13 just off
Junction 8. Fire trucks are on the way.

You got to be f*cking kidding me.

You know, I think
we need to lay low.

There's a guy literally
running around with no face.

Like you clearly ripped
his whole face right off.

Good evening, gentlemen.

Oohhh.

I'm ready to give my statement now.

- Yeah, I don't think this is a good idea.
- Say bye bye, Willie.

- He is much stronger than you.
- He'll be in good hands.

For your safety you should keep him
away from booze and doughnuts.

I'm just...

Hey, you call me if you need any...

I'll just go f*ck myself.

What big teeth you have.

Whoo, that's not all.

Like a bitch in heat.

I don't want you to
take this the wrong way.

I'm glad I waited this sleep with
this improved version of you.

Everything all right, lover?

I'm sorry, Lou.

But there is a lot about me
you just don't know.

Which hurts, because I thought
we were getting along so well.

Now be a good doggie, lie down.

Such a beautiful creature.

Boss, we thought you were dead.

Gather the men. Meet me at
Ender's Road in 2 hours.

Okay.
Okay.

Now that you successfully f*cked the
wolf right out of him, that's disgusting.

You're slipping.

You've got one job,
and one job only.

Contain the prey until the eclipse.

- This one's different.
- I don't give a good god damn.

He was your responsibility.

I think this one is going to give us
a problem during the hunt, okay.

I've been documenting his whole process

and I'm trying to figure out why
he's stronger than all the others.

Let me tell you something.
He's a lot stronger.

- Why?
- Well, you tell me.

Lou Garou is not my choice.

Well, it doesn't make any sense, okay.
Well... just... this guy's a loser.

Unless it has something
to do with the liquor.

You know what would
happen if anybody saw that.

What are you up to?

What the f*ck?

That was Corey Hart...

and speaking of sunglasses at night,
be sure to wear them today kiddies.

Because, it's 1 hour
to the solar eclipse.

And if you stare directly at it, Dan,

- You will go blind.
- Interesting trivia.

32 years ago, was the last time
the Drink and sh**t was canceled.

Yeah, some are calling it,
the curse of the eclipse.

So how long does this
solar buzz k*ll last?

The inter-web says
seven and a half minutes.

So if you idiots can
avert your eyes long enough

you should be okay.

Wow, 7 and a half whole minutes.

- I know that will be tough for you, Bob.
- That will be tough for me.

Hey, eclipse news and weather
coming after this word from our sponsor.

You guessed it.
Liquor Doughnuts.

- What's the plan, boss?
- What the f*ck are you wearing?

Have you seen what we're up against?

Watch the perimeter.
You sh**t anything with a heartbeat.

Come on!

You know what they say, Lou.

Keep you friends close,
but your enemies closer.

I'm just f*cking with you, man.
I'm a shape shifter.

Help!

Scream all you want, Lou.

Forest is empty, we
canceled the Drink and sh**t.

How long you shapeshifters
been running this town?



It takes a lot of work
and a lot of sacrifice.

Can't believe I slept with
a 200 year old woman.

Who said I'm a woman?

Aye, this isn't our first picnic, man.

Your strength comes from the night.

All this to run a shitty little town.
Not the most ambitious bunch, are you?

Oh, you'll be surprised how far up the
ladder a little werewolf blood can go.

No time.
Stay focused.

Be still.

It's easier that way.

Sorry, it had to be you, man.

Uhh!

- Less than 8 minutes.
- Get your man... and get me that wolf.

Big f*cking wolf!

No...!

Goodnight, sweet friend.

Hands where I can see them.

- Move and die.
- Tina!

You don't understand.

We're protecting
Woodhaven from that beast.

Save it, wolf fucker!

Hands behind your head.

You're making a big mistake.

You know, the last wolf
I f*cked was your father.

Boss?

Why are you dressed like that?

f*ck this!

Not so tough now, are you, huh?

No!

Thanks partner.

Back at ya.

- We should get out of here.
- Yeah.

This is your fate, Lou.

Like your nosy father.
I need to put you down.

It's funny. This is the exact
spot where he was sacrificed.

Nice continuity to it,
don't you think?

Hello, Tina.

I'm impressed, Lou,

But it's time to serve your purpose.

Big mistake.

How does that feel?

Let's end this, Lou.

What do you expect to gain?

A promotion.

Good?

Are you okay?

God, I could use a drink.

- I could use a hospital.
- Okay, two stops.

Damn it, dog.

You're waking up the neighborhood.

I told you to shut...