- Yikes!
- Yikes! Whoa!
- They're attacking the
Evergreen Forest!
Cyril: What in blazes is that?
Bert: This is Bert Raccoon,
working undercover
on the Cyril Sneer story.
The Pig: You're the one
with the secret recipe!
- Nobody will ever wanna see
my face around here again.
♪♪
Narrator: This is the
Evergreen forest.
Quiet, peaceful, serene.
That is, until
Bert Raccoon wakes up.
Bert Raccoon: Yahoooo!
♪♪
Yeeeehaaaa!
Yikes!
Yaaaah...
[bam!]
[laughs]
[smash!]
Yeaaaah!
Narrator: Luckily, he has some
good friends to help him out.
Broo: [panting]
♪♪
Narrator: Life would be simple
in the forest except for...
Cyril Sneer!
[bleep blarp bloop]
And his life would be simple
except for...
the Raccoons!!
♪ [show theme music]
♪♪
♪♪
It's another busy
day in the office
of the Evergreen Forest's
own newspaper,
the Evergreen Standard,
where Ralph and Melissa are
admiring their latest issue.
Bert: Melissa, Ralph, I'm back!
Melissa: Look Bert,
Ralph gave you a byline
for your story
on the Flower Show.
Ralph: It's very good, Bert.
Bert: Well, when
you ask for the best,
you get the best, naturally!
And that was a good story,
yeah, for page 6,
but I got a front page
story for you this time!
Melissa: Well, we both
really liked this story.
Bert: Believe me,
if you liked me for that one,
you're going to love me
for this one!
It's incredible!
Ralph: All we did was send
you for the weather report.
Bert: And I got it!
News, big news!
[upbeat humming]
Tornado hits Evergreen Forest.
Hundreds homeless, missing!
By Bert Raccoon.
Are you getting this down?
Ralph: [shocked]
Tornadoes?! Where?
I didn't even
notice any wind?
Melissa: Who's missing?
Bert: [dictating] Friends of
Cedric Sneer mourn today...
Ralph: Mourn?!
What happened to Cedric?
Bert: [dictates]
Cedric last seen waving
from the funnel shaped cloud...
Ralph: Cedric! Missing?!
In a tornado?!
Melissa: Oh no!!
That's terrible, Bert!
Bert: Oh, I know,
I know that's what I said.
Stop the presses!!
♪♪
Bert's story sent Ralph and
Melissa into a state of shock.
Ralph found himself unable
to think of anything,
except Cedric's disappearance.
Ralph: Poor Cedric.
Bert: Yeah, maybe we can use
these pictures with the story.
Ralph: I can't
believe he's gone.
I keep thinking he'll
walk through that door.
Melissa: [upset] Bert!
Bert: Hey!
My pictures, Melissa!
Melissa: There's someone
here to see you, Bert!
Cedric: Hi Bert! Ralph.
Ralph: Cedric!!
Cedric: Bert told me you wanted
the temperature reading,
so I got it, in both
Centigrade and Fahrenheit.
Ralph: You're alive!
H-how did you survive?
Cedric: Me?!
Ralph: Bert said you were
swept up by a tornado!
He-he even has pictures.
Cedric: Tornado?! Oh..
that's me at my cookout.
I guess I put too
much wood on the fire.
Ralph: You mean..
you made all this up?!
The tornado, the
hundreds homeless?!
Bert: Well, you said
you wanted a weather story.
♪♪
Ralph: We want
true stories, Bert!
And you've got
to report the truth,
or we can't let you write
for the Evergreen Standard!
Bert: But I gave you the best
story I could think of, Ralph.
You know me, I aim to please!
Bert Raccoon, ace reporter!
Ralph: That could be
aced reporter!
Now, go out and get
me a weather report.
Melissa: And don't you ever
scare us like that again!
♪♪
Tommy: Come on, Broo!
Narrator: Meanwhile, in a
different part
of the Evergreen Forest..
Tommy: Come on, Broo.
Come on, boy, you like it.
Broo, where are you, boy?
Dan: Okay kids,
the bath's ready.
Julie: Come on, Broo!
Baths are fun!
There's nothing to be scared of.
Easy, boy.
[splash!]
[kids giggling]
All: [laughing]
Tommy: Maybe he wants his toys.
Julie: Well, where's
his rubber duck?
Tommy: I saw him playing with it
at the old Beaver pond.
Julie: Stop it, Broo! [laughs]
Schaeffer, go find it!
Schaeffer: Woof!
Bert: The Evergreen forest was
savaged by storms this morning.
Freak lightning lashed..
Cedric: But Bert,
it's a beautiful day.
Bert: Come on,
that's not news, Cedric!
News has got to be exciting!
Oh, I wish something
big would happen.
I wish a space ship would
come down from Mars!
Or some other Galaxy,
with big ray g*ns blazing.
Aaaah!
[sh**ting sound]
Uaaaah! They're attacking
the Evergreen Forest!
[sh**ting sound]
♪♪
[bam!]
Yahoooo!
[laughs]
Ah!...Ehm!
[blows!]
Now, that's news.
Schaeffer:
The rubber duck.
Have you seen the rubber duck?
Cedric: Schaeffer?!
Schaeffer: I thought,
it was with the moose.
Bert: Um...What moose?
Schaeffer: The one that goes
squawk when you bite it.
Bert: Oh, there's something
wrong with Schaeffer?
Cedric: Um, did you lose
something, Schaeffer?
Bert: Be careful, Cedric,
he's foaming at the
mouth,
and you know
what that means.
Mad dog!!
Cedric: [gasps]
Schaeffer?!
Schaeffer: He loses everything.
He lost his tugboat too,
and his..
Bert: See? He's babbling
like a maniac!
[frothing sound]
We can't handle
this ourselves.
We have to get help.
But Ralph, you
gotta believe me!
Asceptic! You saw it, didn't
you, didn't you, Cedric?
Cedric: [giggles]
Melissa: But Schaeffer is
the most stable, normal..
Schaeffer: Hi, guys!
Bert: [gasps]
Back Schaeffer, back, back!
Schaeffer: Um, I want
to place a notice
in the Lost and Found
about Broo's duck.
We can't get him to take
a bath without that Ducky.
Ralph: Is this
your Mad Dog, Bert?
Bert: But, but..
he was frothing at the mouth.
There were bubbles
everywhere and,
he said he was going
to bite a moose!
♪♪
Ralph: Look Bert,
maybe you're not cut out
to be a newspaper man.
Bert: Give me one
more chance, Ralph.
I know there's a big
story out there.
Ralph: Okay, as long
as it's a true story.
Bert: I got it, Ralph. True!
Ralph: Bert, wait a minute,
you forgot the...
[sighs]
Never mind.
♪♪
Bert: Okay, I promised
Ralph a story.
Now I've got to find one.
Ugh.. yikes!
Uaaaah!
[tires squealing]
Hey, what's your hurry?
Cyril Sneer's mansion.
I should have known.
Hey, this could
be my big chance!
[howling sounds]
There's something
strange going on here,
and I'm going to
get it all on film.
♪ [suspenseful music]
[camera clicking]
♪♪
♪♪
[camera clicking]
♪♪
♪♪
[camera clicking]
♪♪
Boy, oh boy! Wait'll
Ralph sees these!
[typewriter clacking]
Ralph, this is it!
I'm onto something big!
Headline: 'Organized crime
strikes Evergreen Forest'.
This time I got proof!
I got the pictures right here.
Ralph: I don't think so, Bert,
because you left
the film right here.
Bert: Uh-oh-ooh.
But there is something
going on out there, honest!
I can show you!
Ralph: Bert, just because
you make up a story...
Bert: This is the biggest thing
to hit the Evergreen Forest.
Come on, think like a reporter!
Ralph: One more chance,
Bert, that's all.
[crickets chirping]
No limousines,
no gangsters, no story.
Can we go home now?
[tires squealing]
Bert: [gasps]
♪ [dramatic music]
What did I tell ya'?
See? See? I bet that guy
has a submachine g*n!
♪♪
Ralph: That's a
violin case, Bert.
Bert: But they always put
machine g*ns in violin cases!
Everyone knows that.
The Pig: He's ready, boys.
Time for the big sleep.
Bert: You see,
I told you, Ralph,
The big sleep, that's gangster
slang for game over.
The old concrete pipe
and slippers..
You know?
- Curtains!
[slam]
♪♪
Narrator: Ralph and Bert
wasted no time in finding out
what was really going on in
Cyril Sneer's mansion
that night.
The Bear: Your hot
chocolates, Sir!
Cyril: I've had
my hot chocolate!
I've had my hot bath
and I still can't sleep!
I haven't slept for a week.
Well, make yourselves useful.
Play a little bedtime music.
♪ [bad violin playing]
Bedtime, you fools,
not bad time!!
A lullaby. Play a lullaby!
The Pig 1: ♪ Cyril Sneer,
close your eyes ♪
The Pig 2: ♪ May your
bacon cast rise. ♪
The Pig 3: ♪ While your
cash registers ♪
The Pigs: ♪ Bring
you sweet lullabies ♪
♪ Cyril Sneer...
Ralph: He has insomnia.
He can't get to sleep.
So what's the big deal
about that?
Bert: Ralph, wait a minute.
Maybe...
Ralph: Bert, when are
you going to learn?
You can't let your imagination
run away with you all the time!
Bert: But this could be an act.
They may suspect we're here.
Ralph: Do you believe
that? Come on, Bert!
Bert: Ralph, wait!
Ralph: I'll be at home, when you
get tired of imagining things.
The Pig: Good night, Cyril!
Cyril: [gentle snoring]
[gentle snoring]
Bert: [sighs]
Maybe Ralph was right.
Maybe I am just
imagining things.
Whoa-aaaaah!
Cyril: What was that?
The Pig: A lullaby
by Brahms, Sir.
Cyril: I mean out there!
In the woods, that noise!
The Pigs: You mean the
breeze in the trees, Sir?
Cyril: No, you twit!
I mean the twigs snapping,
the loons looning.
No wonder I can't get to sleep!
[gentle hooting]
And now owls. I've had it!
Bert: Shhh!
Cyril: Call the cement trucks!
This forest is too noisy!
Shut up, Snag!
Bert: Uaaaah!
[crunch]
Cyril: I'm going to
cover it in concrete!
[laughs]
That'll make it quiet!
The Pig: But, Sir..
Cyril: Do I have to mix the
cement myself? Hop to it!
The Pig: Yes, Sir!
Cyril: I'll have the quiet
you can only get
in an empty parking lot at dawn!
[laughs]
Bert: Asphalt,
Ralph, concrete!
The whole forest
will be paved over!
Ralph: Is this another
one of your stories, Bert?
Bert: You gotta
believe me, Ralph,
we'll have nothing
to do but park cars.
Ralph: [chuckles]
You're a real kidder, Bert,
with a great imagination.
Bert: Ralph, I'm serious.
Schaeffer: You can
cancel the notice.
We found the rubber ducky.
Ralph: Thanks, 'Mad Dog.'
[giggles]
Bert: You don't believe me,
do you Ralph?
Ralph: Look, Bert..
Bert: I can prove it!
I'll bring back proof!
Real proof!
The Pig: I don't care
how many trucks it takes!
I want that cement here
tomorrow. Do you read me?
[slam]
You just can't get
good help these days.
Where's that sleepy time chef?
He should be here by now.
♪♪
Bert: [gentle blowing]
Testing, testing.
Ehm! This is Bert Raccoon,
Ace reporter, working undercover
on the Cyril Sneer story.
I approa...
The Pig: We've been
waiting for you!
Bert: You have?!
The Pig: The agency said
you'd be here yesterday.
Bert: They did?!
The Pig: The sleepy
time chef is here.
Bert: The who?!
The Pig 2: So, you're the
one with the secret recipe.
The Pig 3: Your famous recipe,
that guarantees sleep.
He's going to make zoop.
The Pig 1: [giggles]
Aaaah, oui, zoop!
The Pig 3: Voila!
The Pig 2: This better work!
The boss is depending on you!
Bert: [with French accent]
Ah, but of course,
nothing but ze best
for ze boss, hein?
♪♪
♪ Here I go again,
♪ Falling out of line
♪ Falling in with someone new
♪♪
♪ Here I go again,
♪ Getting out of line
♪ Forgetting there's
so much to lose ♪
♪ But I'm holding out for you
♪ Hoping that it's true
♪ I don't want somebody new
♪♪
♪ Struggling in the dark
♪ Lost when we're apart
♪ No one makes me feel
like you do ♪
♪♪
♪ Here I go again,
♪ Falling for a line
♪ No one but myself to blame
♪ Everywhere I turn,
♪ Searching for a sign
♪ Fall victim to the
same old game ♪
♪ But I'm holding out for you
♪ Hoping that it's true
♪ I don't want somebody new
♪ Don't want nobody new
♪ Struggling in the dark
♪ Lost when we're apart
♪ No one makes me
feel like you do ♪
♪ Ooh
♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
♪ Ooh,
♪ ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
♪♪
The Pig: Stay out!
[slam!]
Narrator: Poor Bert
still needed proof.
He had to show Ralph and Melissa
that he was on to a
very real story indeed.
A story with dire consequences.
♪ [mysterious music] ♪
That evening, Bert had
a brand new idea.
[rustling]
Cyril: Where are those
cement trucks??
That noise from that
forest is deafening!!!
The Pig: Don't worry, Sir.
The trucks will be here
first thing in the morning.
Cyril: I want to sleep now!!!
Morning is eight
sleepless hours away.
The Pig 2: Calm down, Sir.
Cyril: Calm down?!
I get vicious
when I can't sleep!
I'm not my usual lovable self.
[knock-knock]
The Pig 2: We have a
surprise for you, Sir,
someone, to help you nod off.
Cyril: What in blazes is that?
She's Auntie Bertha,
the story lady
from the Tree Top Tuck-in
service, Sir.
The Pig 1: She's the one who's
going to put you to sleep!
Guaranteed!
Bert: [giggles] Well,
of course, my little dears.
Cyril: Hmmm..?
Haven't I seen you
somewhere before?!
Bert: You may have
seen me on TV.
Every afternoon.
And at nighttime.
Cyril: Perhaps. Well,
story lady, do your stuff.
Bert: First, we tuck you in.
Now.. did you brush your teeth
like a good little boy?
Cyril: Grrrrrr..
Bert: Hi-hi! Well!
Moving right along,
The Pig: Doesn't he
get a good night kiss?
Bert: [laughs] Usually
we start with the story.
The Pig 2:
What about a bed time hug?
Bert: No!!
The Pig 2: No? [laughs]
Bert: Once upon a time,
there were Three Little Pigs.
Cyril: Pigs?!
Who cares about pigs?
The Pigs: No one, Sir.
Cyril: I want a real story.
Give me King Midas!
I want to hear about
Midas and his
wonderful golden touch.
Bert: Once upon a
time there was a King
who had a golden touch.
Cyril: Oh, I like that!
My kind of man.
Bert: Everything he touched,
he turned to gold.
Cyril: Good! Good!!
Bert: His cities were gold.
His streets were gold.
Cyril: Marvelous! Marvelous!!
Bert: In fact,
his whole kingdom
was paved with gold.
He even paved
the forest with gold.
What do you think of that?
The Pig: Ohh, that's nothing!!
[giggles] We're going
to do that tomorrow,
with cement!
Cyril: What?! [coughs]
Bert: Sh-sh! Calm down now.
You won't get to sleep
that way, Mr Sneer,
what you need is a
nice, relaxing massage.
[giggles] Those
silly little pigs.
Why would anyone want
to pave the forest?
Cyril: Feels good!
Hey.... [mumbles]
Bert: [gently]
What's that Mr. Sneer?
Mr. Sneer..
Speak up!!!! Mr Sneer!
The Pig 3: That's a strange
massage technique.
The Pig 2: Well, I'd say
she's pretty strange, period!
The Pig 3: In fact..
yikes.. she's a he!!!
[giggles]
In the boss's bedroom.
Snag: Grrrr!
Bert: No wait, I'm the story
lady, remember? [giggles]
Once upon a time,
there were three musketeers...
[bam-slam!]
♪ [gentle music]
I'm a rotten reporter.
I can't do anything right.
[from recorder]
..in fact his whole Kingdom..
There's nothing on this tape
but tall tales.
Ralph and Melissa were right.
I guess, I'm just not
cut out to be a reporter.
Maybe if I tried to explain?
Dear Ralph and Melissa,
I know you won't believe me,
and I don't blame you,
I guess...
nobody will ever want
to see my face
around here again.
The Pig: That's him!
Bert: What do you want?
The Pig: You!!!
♪♪
[cement trucks idling]
Cyril: What?
Are you trying to tell me
it cost this much
to pave a crummy forest?
This is highway robbery!!
The Dog: Hey look mac, you
ordered it, you pay for it.
I haven't got all day.
Cyril: Where are those pigs?
Where is my story lady?
[honking]
The Pigs: She's here,
Sir, she's here.
The Pig: We got the story lady!
I don't need you now! Get lost!
Ah, my old little sad lady.
Where are those magic fingers?
What?!
[coughing]
What the devil?
You're not Auntie Bertha!
You're a raccoon!
What kind of weirdo
are you anyway?
The Pig: Well, Sir..
The Pig 2: [giggles]
It's like this, Sir.
He's a.. um..
The Pigs: She...
Cyril: You bumbling idiots,
do you think I'm going
to be massaged by this?
[honk-honk]
Over my dead body!
Now I've got to pave the forest,
and it's going to
cost me a fortune. Oh!!
Bert: Um, a minute, maybe
we can work something out.
Cyril: What?! With you? Never!
The Pig: Oh, Sir,
maybe he has an idea.
[honk-honk]
The Dog: Look mac,
I got other deliveries.
Where's your checkbook?
Cyril: Um... what
do you have in mind?
Bert: Oh, uh... just a
little business proposition.
Cyril: No tricks!
Bert: No tricks.
Cyril: Okay, start talking.
And this had better be good!
♪♪
Ralph: This is a
wonderful story, Bert.
I'm sorry I ever doubted you.
Melissa: And your new
'Auntie Bertha' column
has already gotten us
new subscribers.
Bert: Aaah-ha!
Nothing to it. You know me,
Bert Raccoon, ace reporter!
[laughs]
What's my next assignment?
Melissa: Oh Bert!
Narrator: And so it was
that Bert Raccoon
saved the Evergreen Forest
and finally came to understand
what it meant
to be a real reporter.
Cyril: Ah-aaaah!
Oh-oooh!
A little higher boys,
and a little closer to the old
gluteus maximus.
And don't forget the pecs.
Don't stop, you twits!!
Why are you stopping?
The Pig: We have to stop,
till we get lesson two.
Cyril: Lesson two?!
The Pig: Yes Sir, it says,
'to be continued next week,'
Sir.
Cyril: Aaaagr!
The Pig: ♪ Cyril Sneer
close your eyes ♪
The Pigs:
♪ May your bacon strips rise
♪ [show theme music]
♪♪
♪ Ooooooh
♪
♪ You can run with us
♪
♪ We've got
everything you need ♪
♪
♪ Run with us
♪
♪ We are free
♪
♪ Come with us
♪
♪ I see passion in your eyes
♪
♪ Run with us
♪
♪ Oh-oh-oooh, run with us
♪
♪ We've got everything
you need ♪
♪
01x09 - Cry Wolf!
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Series revolves around Bert Raccoon and married couple Ralph and Melissa Raccoon, of whom Bert is a friend and roommate.
Series revolves around Bert Raccoon and married couple Ralph and Melissa Raccoon, of whom Bert is a friend and roommate.