02x07 - The Freezer

[bunniefuu]

[country music playing
in Norwegian on truck radio]

Construction Area
No Trespassing

- [Dag in Norwegian] Hello.
- [Torgeir] Hello.

[Johnny in English]
What do you say, pally?

How's that meat transportation
business going, huh?

It is going very good.
Thank you.

Oh, good.

[in Norwegian]
What did I do wrong now?

- Aah! What's going on?
- [in English] Explain one thing to me.

If things are going so well,
why are you f*cking with me?

[in Norwegian]
I haven't been f*cking with anyone.

[in English] Explain this.

[in Norwegian] You delivered 200 kilograms
of this to the restaurant.

Tenderloin, you said.
Local food and everything.

This sh*t might not have been shipped,

- but it's been frozen.
- What?

Look at the packaging date, Dag.

Ow!

This sh*t has been going on for months.

We've received goods for several hundred
thousand less than we've been paid for.

Okay, I realize that.
Stop it. Ow!

I know I should've checked
the delivery better,

but I haven't been myself lately.
Yvonne has left me.

Ow!

[gasping]

[in English]
All right, all right, all right.

I believe him.

Just one more thing.

Where does this farmer live?

[theme music playing]

[in Norwegian]
What are you doing?

[in English] You wanna keep it down?
I'm tweeting.

[scoffs]

[in English] Plug my machine back in
and get the hell out of my property.

[in English]
Ooh! The passion of this guy.

The outrage over stolen electricity.

Any outrage left for scumbag farmers
who rip off

hard-working restaurant guys, like us?

Who are you?

I, my friend,

am the last guy in Lillehammer
you want to f*ck with.

Okay? So here's today's agenda:

You're gonna tell us
how much you conned,

and how you're gonna pay it back.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Mm-hm.

- [laughing]
- [in Norwegian] f*cking monkey.

[in English]
This guy is quite a hothead, huh?

Yeah.

I think he needs a little cooling off.
What do you think?

[in Norwegian] No.

Oh, God! Stop, please! Okay, okay!

[sniffs]

[in English] Still stinks.
Hit him again.

[in Norwegian] No, no. Stop.

[whistles]

I have swindled you for a lot of money.

I owe you a lot of money,
but please don't do it.

It's the Internet. All of a sudden,
everything is one click away.

[Torgeir scoffs]

Gucci, Versace... I got hooked.

[in English] A heart-breaking story.

I missed the part about you
paying me back my 300 grand.

[in Norwegian] Three hundred grand?
It can't be that much.

[in English] My colleagues have compiled
your overbillings.

[in Norwegian] Holy sh*t.

I don't really understand how this guy
is gonna settle his debts.

The accounting is totally Luksusfellen.

[in English] Got any ideas?

[in Norwegian] Damn Al Gore.
If he hadn't invented the Internet,

we wouldn't be here today.

[in English]
If he hadn't invented global warming,

you'd be skiing in August.
Who gives a f*ck?

You better start inventing
something for me,

or that hose is gonna come back out.

[in Norwegian]
This time we'll be cleansing your colon.

[in English]
I have an idea.

[in Norwegian] I inherited a flock
of domesticated reindeer from my uncle.

What if you become partners?

[in English]
You want to pay me in reindeer?

What am I,
freaking Santa Claus now?

[in Norwegian] The point is, the animals
are insured for quite a lot of money.

[in English]
I'm listening.

[in Norwegian] If I get some help,
there could be an avalanche.

And then we are talking
payout in millions.

Is it me, or is this guy
starting to make sense?

[Thomas in Norwegian] Who wants to buy
information about Tagliano?

[Zlatan]
A guy called Aldo Delucci.

[Thomas]
And how do we get hold of him?

[Zlatan] Relax, man. I am tight
with people who are connected.

This is my cousin's cousin.
A guy you have never met before.

- No.
- Doesn't sound like you're close.

Family ties are strong where
I come from. Family comes first.

[speaking Serbian]

[Dino grunts]

[clanging]

That's tax-free goods.
Expensive stuff.

[in English]
Welcome to New York, brother.

It's champagne.

[T-Rex's "Telegram Sam" playing]

New York! Whoo-hoo!

[Curtis Lee's
"Pretty Little Angel Eyes" playing]

So, what is going on with your boss?

What do you mean?

People are starting to talk.

About what?

Come on, Tommy.

The word's all over.
People know.

Yeah, well, sometimes people know...
but they don't know.

They always suspected,
but this Filipino houseboy--

All right, basta.
He's still my boss, and that's it.

- Tommy.
- Shut the f*ck up, Staples.

[Otis Redding's "I'm Sick Y'all"
playing over speakers]

- [bartender] Can I help you?
- We're looking for Aldo Delucci.

Best I can do is a Tom Collins.

Relax, compadre. My friend Dino here
is the driver for one of his crew members.

And I believe I have pretty
valuable information for him.

I'm not your compadre.
Please, get the f*ck out.

You sure you don't want to hear me out?

It's about a fellow named Tagliano.

- [bat thuds]
- I'm sure.

[in Norwegian]
Okay. Now he got a bit too harsh.

Fritz and Hans over there
are not especially happy,

so I think we should be leaving.

[in English]
Thank you, goodbye. Thank you.

Hey, Robbie. Two rednecks
dressed up for Halloween

just came in the bar
yapping about our old friend.

[spits]

- [Torgeir in Norwegian] Is it more?
- [Dag] We're almost done in there.

[Torgeir] Good.

Nice of you to loan us the car.

It was the least I could do
after that little meat mess.

[Roar]
It's the last one.

f*ck, we need to bring that too.

Double f*ck.

You guys will have to take that.

I forgot my gloves.

And these gloves are not suited
for this kind of job.

[grunts]

Yeah, yeah. sh*t. Is it full?

[chuckles]

It's full of goodies.

Not even defrosted.
I'll go get some bags.

Oh. Guys?

What the f*ck is that?

That ain't no chicken wing.

[groans]

[in English]
What do you think happened?

[in Norwegian]
I suppose it's unlikely

she went for a late-night snack
and fell in.

[in English]
We'll play detective later.

Right now, we gotta get rid
of that f*cking thing.

We'll use your car, okay, Roar?

- [in Norwegian] It's not the best time.
-[in English] What?

[in Norwegian] Torgeir and me are going up
to handle the reindeer thing--

Know what? Put it in my car.

- [in English] Okay. Yeah.
- Mmm.

- All right. Take care of this...
- [Dag] Yeah, sure.

- ...we'll be your new best friends.
- Okay.

[Johnny]
Let's go.

Oddjob.

[grunting softly]

[Dag in Norwegian]
Wait, wait. Give me... five seconds.

[panting]

[Dag]
No. sh*t.

I see what you're thinking.

There's that guy who didn't make it,

who had to close his refugee center.

The assh*le.

[laughs]

The guy that no one likes.

But if you had seen what I have seen,

experienced what I have experienced.

I've eaten coriander-marinated chicken
with land mine victims from Afghanistan.

I have danced with hijab-clad women
under the northern lights.

I have taught under-nutritioned
Eritrean children to crochet.

I have met Randi.

[sobbing]
My beloved Randi.

My Randi.

Jan? Yes.

- Yes.
- Randi.

Thanks, Jan.

[woman] And thanks to Jan Johansen for...
Well, thanks.

[halfhearted applause]

Hi, Johnny.

[in English]
I saw that performance.

What's going on, Jan?

[in Norwegian] I don't know.
Work has been kind of stressful.

[in English] The job, huh?

You mean the asylum center?

The one you forgot to mention
got closed down?

[in Norwegian]
I didn't want to bother you with it.

But I already have other irons
in the fire. You know me.

Face-first into the ground,
then right back on the horse again.

[in English] Jan, look at me.

We opened the freezer.

[sobbing]

It was an accident.

We were arguing,
and she just tripped.

You have to believe me.

Doesn't matter what I believe.

Questions are gonna be asked.

I can't go to prison.
Please, I can't go.

Relax. The boys took care of the body.

That'll give you time
to get out of the country,

but you've got to go far away.

Some place they're not gonna look.

Far away?

Sounds frightening.

It did wonders for me.

You up for this?

Yeah, sure.

[Torgeir in Norwegian]
What great animals.

Do you think it's right of us
to do this, bro?

Do I think it's right of us

to earn two million
for an hour's worth of work?

Yes, I think that is the right thing.

[Roar] It's not like they feel anything.

What do you know about
what reindeer feel or not?

What I know about it?

It's like pulling up
some pikes from Mjøsa.

It is more or less the same thing.

You don't know what a pike feels either.

Come on.

I have thought a lot about that too.

What the pike thinks when
I pull him out of the water.

Okay, the hillside is covered in dynamite.

The avalanche is guaranteed
to wipe out the herd.

Do you want to detonate it?

- Well?
- Maybe...

[sniffles]

...we can discuss the consequences
of our action

a little bit first?

It's a little late for discussions.

[Roar]
Don't be such a c**t.

It just feels kind of wrong.

[Espen] Oh, well.
I'll do it myself then.

- What? Hey!
- [Roar] Let go, Torgeir!

[Torgeir shouts indistinctly]

[Arne] What the f*ck are you doing,
Torgeir?

Run!

[Roar] What are you gonna say
to Johnny?

- Run!
- Shut up!

[The Laundrettes singing "Hot Rocks"]

[in English]
Nobody's saying April Fools'.

I had an emotional reaction.
Okay?

[Johnny]
Let me get this straight.

You've been eating these things
your whole life.

Now you're emotionally connected?

I know, but it's just,
they're really beautiful animals.

You know, and animals have feelings too.

Okay, okay, okay.
All right, all right, all right.

Listen,

we all grew up with Rudolph
and Donner and Blitzen,

but this is business. This ain't
the night before Christmas.

Sometimes we gotta do bad sh*t

to do good sh*t.

[in Norwegian]
Yeah, I know that.

I'll fix it.

[in English]
No problem.

What the f*ck is that?

What the f*ck is what?

[Roar in Norwegian]
She is hot.

[Arne]
That's Tiril from preschool.

[in English] You know, Tirly,
the one you wanted to k*ll.

Get the f*ck out of here.

[Arne in Norwegian]
That's her, all right.

[in English]
Jesus Christ, you might be right.

Stop staring.
Stop f*cking staring.

[singing "Red River"]

[in Norwegian]
No, thanks. We--

[Arne]
No problem, it is from the boss.

Thanks.

[clears throat]

[in English]
You two, get a room.

[woman laughs]

You'll have to forgive him.
His wife just dumped him.

[speaks Norwegian]

[in English]
Looks like he is getting over it.

[laughs]

Ha-ha. You two having a good time?

Oh, yes, thank you.

[in Norwegian] Well, I was under
the impression you were skeptical of me.

[in English] I believe everybody deserves
a second chance.

[in Norwegian] Interesting.
So...

[in English]
What was it about me?

Well, let's start with that dress.

And I hadn't noticed those eyes
before behind those goggles.

[chuckles]

Mm-hm.

And it's a good thing you didn't
try that smile on me earlier,

because I would have done
anything you said.

It's a good thing I didn't.

[in Norwegian]
You were right about Bjørn.

Mm.

[in English]
Yeah, the kid's doing good.

So...

I guess I was wrong
about you as well.

Mm-hm.

What are you really doing here?

What do you think I'm doing?

[The Students' "I'm So Young" playing]

[in Norwegian]
Thanks.

Is this real reindeer hide?

[in English] Sure.
It's from my own herd.

Your what?

Yeah, I'm a reindeer farmer.
Didn't I tell you?

[scoffs]

What?

[in Norwegian] You don't strike me as
a typical reindeer farmer.

[In English]
What? Do you think they all have

red suits and long
white beards or what?

I got a flock up in Jotunheimen
or something like that.

I'm actually...

a Sami girl.

[in English] You are, no kidding?

Mm-hm.

Like the American Indians?

Yes, I'm just like the American Indians.

[in Norwegian]
My grandfather was kind of a Sami hero.

[in English]
He used to make these reindeer races.

I used to help him out.
That was amazing times.

Wait a minute.
They race reindeer up there?

Yeah, just like--
It's just like a horse race,

only much more wild and much more fun.

Wait a minute.
Now you're talking.

Yeah.

How come nobody's
ever done that down here?

[in Norwegian] I don't know.

I guess nobody had the idea.

You can do this.

You can do this.

[in English]
Yippee-ki-yay, m*therf*ckers.

Let's go k*ll some f*cking
cute animals.

Take it easy, Rambo, take it easy.

Rudolf's gonna see another Christmas.

We're not gonna k*ll the reindeer.

For real?

[in Norwegian] I don't want to play
devil's advocate,

but there are people depending
on the insurance money.

[in English] f*ck that insurance.

It's nothing compared
to what I got in mind.

[in Norwegian] Which is?

[in English] You ready?

Two words:

Reindeer race.

[Espen in Norwegian]
Oh, yeah?

[in English] Oh, yeah.
They're doing it up in Lapland,

but we're gonna do it right.

Betting windows.
Sell booze, food.

- The whole schmear.
- [Torgeir] Cool.

[in Norwegian]
Sounds good.

No, it sounds like nonsense.

[in English]
It's a bullshit idea.

Bullshit, eh?
Where you going?

[in Norwegian]
Take care of the insurance.

[in English] Listen, you lowlife f*cking
m*therf*cking scumbag

farmer f*ck!

You cheated me.
You cheated me!

[in Norwegian] I know.

[in English] You're very lucky somebody
ain't collecting insurance on you!

- Capisce?
- [in English] Okay.

[Arne in Norwegian]
You also have to sign here.

I must say,
I like your idea.

[in English]
I'm so glad.

[in Norwegian] Reindeer racing.

[in English]
It's so creative.

[chuckles]

You know what, we're gonna need
some local support though.

- Yeah.
- Call that Olafsen guy.

Lars Olafsen?

I know, you don't like him.

But this is business.

Yeah. Okay, I'll...

I will keep my personal
emotions out of it, sir.

My boy.

We got the animals.

We got the jockeys to ride them.

And we have the will
to make it happen.

That, my friends

is how we make Lillehammer
the reindeer race capital of the world.

[video stops]

I...

[in Norwegian]
I have one word.

Wow!

[chuckles]

- [in English] You like that idea, huh?
- Like?

[in Norwegian]
I felt a chill all the way down to...

the toe...

that I left behind
at 8740 meters on Everest.

You get it?

[in English]
Johnny, my man. Thank you.

With the right financial backing,
we can do great things here.

[in Norwegian] If you deliver a pitch
even close to the one you just delivered,

I promise you I'll gather
financial backing.

[in English] You're gonna get so much
financial backing,

you can send your reindeers
to the f*cking moon.

[Åsmund in Norwegian]
What is this?

This was standing in the hallway.

So nice.

[in English] "Tirly.

I love last night ideas."

Yeah, this is pretty unusual.
Wonder who that might be?

There's no one called Tirly here.

Tirly. Tirly.

Tyrili. Tyrili!

That's it! Down at the rehab,
you know?

They've probably just missent it.

[baby cooing]

[Victoria Winge's "Monroe" playing]

- [in English] How's my favorite Lapp?
- Oh, hi.

[in Norwegian] Sigrid has already
picked up the kids.

[in English] I'm not here for the kids.

[in Norwegian] Oh, no?

[in English] I wanted to tell you about
the conversation we had the other night.

You know, the reindeer thing?
I followed up on it and...

I'll tell you all about it
at dinner, all right?

[Tiril in Norwegian]
Yes-- No, that is...

[in English, quietly] We have rules
against being with parents

in that kind of way.

What kind of stupid rule is that?

Come on, let's have some fun.

[Åsmund in Norwegian]
Tiril.

The slogans for the march
won't write themselves.

[in English] Yeah. I'm sorry.
It's not gonna work.

[in Norwegian] You should watch out
for that guy.

He's a bad example of what happens
when the Americanization goes too far.

I like America.

Nothing?

I understand that they just play cool.

They know that we mean business.

And the phone,
it will ring soon, I promise you.

I hope you're right.

I'm always right, man.

[in English]
You did the right thing, calling us.

For you.

But no v*olence, okay?
Car's brand-new.

Relax. I'm just gonna have
a talk with them.

[g*nf*re]

[sighs]

What the f*ck happened?

The f*ckers pulled their g*ns,
if you can believe that.

Hey, hey, hey!

What g*ns?

[Robert]
Get to the f*cking car.

No, you don't get to f*cking
turning around.

Just get to the f*cking car.

Slow down, all right.

[opera music playing]

You missed a spot over there, Bong.

Further down.

Further down.

[Aldo sighing]

[doorbell ringing]

f*cking perfect.

[Tommy]
Sorry to disturb you, boss.

Yeah, you disturb, all right.

We're cleaning up after yesterday.

Of course. It's important
to keep the house clean.

But this is important too.

- Remember Frank Tagliano?
- Yeah, yeah.

Robbie took care of that already.

Yeah.

The thing is,

two guys turned up at the bar,
running their mouths about Frank

and Robbie takes care of them too.

So if everything's taken care of,
what the f*ck are you doing here?

It's just...

they had this with them.

And one of the those photos was dated
after Robbie went over there.

Oh, my dear, sweet Robbie.

What have you done?

[man] Hey, I'm gonna give you
something to give Mr. Goldman.

Thank you.

Here, you go give that
to Mr. Goldman, okay?

Put it in his tin.

- [groaning]
- [tires screeching]

Look, Uncle Robbie!

I know, I know.

People are talking.

But there's no real evidence
Delucci's a fanook.

I mean, what are we talking about here?

He's the boss, for chrissakes.

He's got no respect for
the way we do things, Uncle Sal.

He's got no respect for you.

He's whacking guys without your permission
and he's getting sloppy.

They sh*t the pantomime guy
down the street

that paints himself up for the kids
and stands on the corner like a statue.

A f*cking civilian on the street.

Aldo's guys sh*t Mr. Goldman?

He's in a f*cking wheelchair now.

My grandkids loved that guy.

He's the best.

They sh*t him in the leg,

he stood there in pose
the whole f*cking time.

Uncle Sal,
something's gotta be done.

f*cking barbaric.

All right, you can make a move.

Do what you gotta do.

I'll straighten out the commission.

Thank you, Uncle Sal.

Robbie, remember.
This guy's paranoid.

Get somebody from outside.

I got the perfect solution.

[crowd in Norwegian]
No to cuts in the public sector.

No to cuts in the public sector.

Can you take this?

Someone is about to pee his pants here.

[in English]
Oh, we wouldn't want that to happen.

[in Norwegian]
No, thanks. Bye.

[chanting continues]

Don't put kids on tender.

[crowd]
No to cuts in the public sector.

No to...

[in English] Hi, guys.

[in Norwegian]
Oh, are you here?

Of course I'm here.

[in English]
Did you make that yourself?

Yeah, you know,
I was helping the moms out.

I must admit I'm a bit surprised

that you're suddenly so involved
with the kindergarten.

Well, it's important, you know.

[chanting continues]

By the way, that little problem
we were having with Bjørn,

- that suggestion you made?
- Yeah?

I've been thinking about it,

and maybe that Steiner preschool thing,
maybe it's a good idea.

[in Norwegian]
Do you really mean that?

[in English] Yeah.

But you've always been so skeptical

about the Steiner philosophy.
Why did you change your mind?

Yeah, I know,

but I've been thinking about it,
and the Steiner package

is starting to make sense.

[in Norwegian]
That makes me so happy.

- [chuckles]
- Thanks.

- [in English] Yeah, yeah.
- I'll send in the papers tomorrow.

- Good, good. Good.
- Thank you.

[Åsmund in Norwegian] There is
one language the authorities understand,

and that is artistic elements
with an edge of social commentary.

Two, three, four.

[playing guitar]

[Åsmund in Norwegian] ♪ There are no wars
In Muri Buri land ♪

♪ There are no social ladders
In Muri Buri land ♪

♪ A single troubadour
Against yuppie culture ♪

♪ Wildebeest are friends wth tiger ♪

♪ In Muri Buri land ♪

And come on everybody, next verse.

[in English]
You ready for our dinner?

[in Norwegian] Johnny, I can't date
a preschool dad.

[in English]
It's not gonna happen.

- Didn't you hear?
- Hear what?

Moving the kids to the Steiner
preschool this week.

[Åsmund continues singing]

[in Norwegian] Well, uh,

that gives me a few days
to find a nice dress.

Hi! Hi, Hassan.

Good to see you.

- Got a haircut?
- Yes.

It's warm down there, you know.

Much lice and fleas.

[laughing]

[door opens, closes]

[in English]
Morning.

- Hassan.
- Hi, hi. Ha-ha.

Hello, hello.

So my old buddy from the w*r
tells me you need something?

Yes. But first,

I want to say how much
I admire and love your culture.

That makes one of us.

[both laugh]

[in Norwegian]
Isn't he connected to the embassy?

Oh, yeah. He's just messing with you.

[in English]
That's funny.

So Hassan has told you
about my little problem?

Yeah, yeah. Briefly.

You see,

I want a new start.

You know, it's...

I want to seek political asylum in Iraq.

Political asylum? In Iraq?

[speaking Arabic]

[speaking Arabic]

[Hassan laughs]

I need a new beginning.

It's ethnical t*rture,
how Norway has treated me.

Maybe I approach this the wrong way?

What is this? Are you trying
to bribe a civil servant?

Oh, no, no, no.

No.

Maybe it's just...

cultural differences.

No worries, my friend.

You'll fit right in.

[laughing]

[in Norwegian]
Hello!

Hello, hello!

Let's see.

Do you want me to check you in
all the way to Baghdad?

- Hello? Excuse me.
- What?

Shall I check you in
all the way to Baghdad?

- That is just as well.
- Yes.

- Any luggage?
- Yes.

Let's see.

Are you going on a business trip?

No. I'm just a little parrot
going for a flight.

[laughing]

Hmm.

Yeah.

Passport?

- It'll be good to be back home.
- Hmm.

- That went through all right.
- Great.

Hmm.

[high-pitched voice]
Have a nice day, then! Good trip.

[laughing]

[Jan in English]
Sorry. I have to--

Hello! [laughs]

Are you going to Baghdad as well?

- Yes.
- Yes?

I saw you by the check-in counter.

Maybe we could sit together on the plane?

[chattering]

[in Norwegian]
Where the f*ck is the boss, eh?

Relax. You know him.

Likes to wait until everything
is ready. Calm down.

[doorbell ringing]

[Johnny in English]
I'm coming, I'm coming.

- Robert.
- Frank.

What the f*ck?

[chattering]

[in Norwegian] Torgeir, we can't let
these people wait any longer.

- You'll have to do it, right?
- Me?

Yes, yes. You can do this.
Look at me.

You can do it. Say it.
"I can do it."

- I can do it.
- Yes.

Okay, good.

[clicks tongue]

[beeps]

[presentation music playing]

[Torgeir]
Welcome.

Everyone loves reindeer.

And everyone loves women.

Except for the gays.

[laughs nervously]

[clears throat]

Women. Reindeer.

Like this.

See what I mean?
See what I am getting at?

We'll combine the two elements,

and make a show
that no one has ever seen.

It's creative. It's playful.

And with lots of opportunity for profit.

What's this?

I don't get anything!

Uh...

Well, it's usually my boss who...

What these guys want,
I think, is to arrange

- a reindeer race. Right?
- Exactly.

- [Lars] Yes.
- [man] Race.

Why didn't you just say that right away?

[in English] Forget about it. All right?
No way. I am not going back.

It is su1c1de.
Frank, I talked to Uncle Sal.

He gave me the green light.

You are not listening, my friend.

Okay? No f*cking way am I going back.

Christ, Frank, you know Aldo's gonna come
at us with all he's got.

Yeah? Let him come.

All right? I've dealt with him once,
I'll deal with him again.

Where does that leave me?

I covered for you, g*dd*mn it.

Come on, Frankie.
Please, what do you think?

I appreciate what you did,
my friend. I really do.

But this time, I cannot help you.

[Procul Harum's
"The Devil Came from Kansas" playing]