06x03 - The Phelps Family

[bunniefuu]

Tonight on "supernanny,"

Jo travels deep into the south to meet a family

With three rambunctious boys... [Yells]

[Screaming]

And parents who defend their right to spank... No, sir.

With a passion. It does work. I don't feel like that you can be out in public

And be like, "okay, I'm gonna time-out you." Dad wants to change...

I want it to be where I don't have to spank my kids.

But mom won't budge. Time-out is not enough punishment for them.

The tension is pushing their marriage

To the brink of collapse. Do you want to be married years from now?

Can jo get mom to change her ways?

You do not have to spank.

...their closet space? [Loud thud, screaming]

Or will someone get hurt? Oh!

♪♪♪

Well, I'm just outside birmingham, alabama,

Ready to take a look at a family that need my help.

Hey, we're the phelps family from hayden, alabama.

I'm amy. And I'm jimmy.

We have boys... Jacob, who's ,

Brody, who's , and aiden, who's /.

[Screaming]

[Yells] no.

Hey, you don't run.

I'm a stay-at-home mom.

I stay at home with the boys all day long, and it's turmoil

All the time. [Crying]

Jacob--he's, like, short-tempered.

[Yells]

It's an anger issue a lot with jacob. [Yells]

[Yelling] no! Come here.

Ding ding! Time-out.

[Moaning]

Brody is our most stubborn child. [Moaning]

No! Don't tell me no. Let's go.

No! Come on.

No!

He will completely lock down if you try

To make him do something that he don't want to do. [Moaning]

This is crazy.

Ow, aiden. No!

Aiden is the most difficult. He'll hit,

Scream... [Yells]

Completely lose it

If you tell him no to something. [Sighs]

For disciplining, I usually scream.

Do you want to play it? Then play it!

I'm not sittin' in here and doin' this bull crap.

And I spank.

[Yells] no, sir.

You want it on the hand or on the heinie?[Yelps]

I said that's enough.

It's not necessary.

And there's other ways of discipline.

You don't have to b*at a-- b*at a child

To get 'em-- get their attention.

No doubt. No doubt.

All the boys eat junk food.

We're all out of strawberry milk. [Moans]

[Amy] the pantry's always open.

The refrigerator's always open. [Crying]

Oh, my goodness, why do you have two suckers in your mouth?

Aiden drinks so much strawberry milk...

[Moans] there.

And eats so much bologna,

That he don't eat anything else.

Unbelievable.

Don't give him any more milk. Ok-okay. I know that.

[Screams] then how come you keep givin' it to him?

Because I don't want to have to deal with the screamin'...well--

-Minute fit.

You undermine my authority.

You give me no authority when you're home.

Give it here. What are you doin'?

Sick of cuttin' toenails.

I feel like I need supernanny's help,

Or we need it, because I feel all alone... [Yells]

In how I feel like they should be disciplined. Quit pinchin' me!

I want my children to grow up and love their childhood.

I want 'em to grow up to be great men.

I need to talk to these parents.

Supernanny, I have four boys.

I'm dyin' here. I need help.

It looks like you guys

Need some help and a referee,

So, uh, hold on, because I'm on my way.

♪♪♪

Hi. Hello, pleased to meet you. Jo frost.

Hi. Can I hug you? Hi. Yeah.

It's a southern thing. We always hug. Thank you.

Seein' jo for the first time,

I felt nervous, scared, excited, happy.

This is aiden, our /-year-old. [Jo] hello, aiden.

Who's this? This is jacob.

Pleased to meet you.

How old are you? .

. Hi, brody. I'm jo jo. How are you?

With dad at work during the day,

I asked mom if I could take a look around the house,

And I came across a room that had a pile of washing on it.

Whose room is that?

He doesn't? Mnh-mnh.

Oh, where does aiden sleep then?

With your mom and daddy, huh?

I just thought to myself,

This is something that I'm gonna need to address.

Brody, holler at jacob,

Tell him to come in. Let's eat.

Lunchtime came around.

The packaged meals went on the table,

And the kids were drinking something blue.

Are you feeling bad again?

[Jo] brody ate the chocolate

And then decided he didn't want anything else.

His throat hurts really bad.

Chocolate will make it better.

Mm-hmm.

He had enough energy to eat the chocolate that was in there

And leave the rest. I mean, come on.

You should be mindful of the food

That you're giving your children

And the nutrition that they should be eating.

There really isn't any excuse.

You don't cook because they don't eat,

Or you just don't cook

Because you don't see yourself doin' it?both.

It's a lot to cook and clean up

And then do all the other stuff I've gotta do. Right,

So you're now saying that you don't cook it

'Cause you're too lazy to clean it up.

I felt like jo was scolding me,

Like, uh, an adult scolding a child.

You don't cook a lunch? You know, how dare you?

I'm lazy, just period.

Well, that gets us to the bottom of it. Thank you.mm-hmm.

Aiden was playing nearby with his brothers,

And then I heard this awful noise.

This is their closet space? [Loud thud, screaming]

There was this tremendous thud.

Something madly wrong h-had happened.

[Crying]

[Jacob] mom!

Coming up on "supernanny"...

Jo sees what damage was done...

[Crying]

And who will win the spat over spanking?

Do you not hear me speaking these words to you? Yes, okay.

Why are you getting so angry?

When "supernanny" returns.

♪♪♪

This is their closet space? [Loud thud, screaming]

[Jo] there was this tremendous thud.

Something madly wrong h-had happened.

[Crying]

[Jacob] mom!what?!

[Brody] I didn't do it.

What did you do?

[Crying]

It was really loud, so I knew

It wasn't just a couple of stairs.

This was more than a couple of stairs.

It's his head. Put an ice pack on his head. Look.

[Jo] aiden seemed to have avoided serious injury,

Although I'll tell you what, he's gonna have a nasty bruise.

I tell everyone, if he could have a helmet on,

That would be the best thing.

He is always hitting his head, always.

[Jo] after some time with the ice pack,

Aiden started to feel better.

And even though I don't start teaching on observation day,

I did need to give aiden

A little lesson about that staircase.

Hold onto the railing. Mm-hmm.

Hold onto the railing coming down.

I also feel that the staircase needs to be toddler-proofed,

So I am gonna talk to mom and dad seriously

About this later.

Hello. How you doin'?

Hi. Well, it's all drama.

Your little boy's doin' stunts. Oh, really?

Dad came home,

And so I got a chance to meet him.

Nice to meet you, jo. I'm doing good. Hi. Nice to meet you. Hi.

Jim!yeah?

You ready? Mom started to get dinner ready,

And I had the chance to see mom and dad interact.

I'm changing a diaper. Oh.

It hasn't been changed all day. Y-yes, it has.

I don't think both parents speak to each other quite nicely.

What are you drinkin'? Water?

That'll be fine. Did you put any in the fridge?

I don't reckon I did,

Just like I didn't do the diaper all day long.

What'd you do all day then?

Huh? Laundry, dishes,

Swept, mopped--

Do you need a list? All right.

[Amy] jimmy and I are not on the same page.

We're--i think we're in a totally different chapter.

I'm just wonderin', how was your day, honey?

N--that's not what you asked.

You said, "what did I do all day?"

Not, "how was your day?"

This was not a healthy conversation.

I'm gonna have to work with mom and dad as a couple

To help them with the whole process of this situation.

From watchin' the submission tape,

I know that mom and dad choose to spank their kids

As a form of discipline,

And despite the way dad's been brought up,

I know that he's really eager

To learn a different way to discipline his children.

"Spare the rod, spoil the child"--

That's in the bible, o-okay, and I was raised in--

You know, if you do something wrong, you get spanked.

I want it to be to where I don't have to spank my kids.

There's a better way, you know?

If I had a choice to spank

Or discipline in a way that didn't inflict pain,

As a loving parent, I would choose the one

That didn't cause pain on my child.

It does work. I don't feel like that you can be out in public

And be like, "okay, I'm gonna time-out you."

With aiden, I say this--

"Do you want a spankin' on your heinie?" And he says, "no."

Then he stops doin' what he does.

If mom can actually just be open-minded enough

To try something new,

She'll see for herself

That she's capable of disciplinin' the children

Without having to raise her hand.

And while I had them both together, I had one more topic

That I wanted to discuss with mom and dad.

I saw aiden's bedroom.

Does he sleep in that bed... [Jimmy] no.

Because there's all clothes on it.

And jacob said that he doesn't. He sleeps with you guys.

Yeah. Is that what you-- you choose to do?

I-i-- she does.

I've slept with him since he was a baby...mm-hmm.

And just smellin' him...yeah.

And feelin' him.

I just--i don't know. It's just kinda like my security blanket.

You totally disagree. You don't want the co-sleeping, no?

No, ma'am. No?

Mnh-mnh. And your reasons for that?

I can't sleep.

And that's his room. It was built for him.

[Jo] aiden sleeps in mom and dad's bed

And not his own bed at the age of /.

It's not really allowing him, is it,

To get used to self-soothing and being in his own room.

I mean, that's a life skill that you eventually need to learn.

I just don't know if I'm ready for it.

Are you saying emotionally you don't know if you're ready?

He's my last one.

We don't know yet. That's got you all emotional.

Come on. Bedtime.

[Jo] mom and dad put the older boys to bed... Love you.

Got a bedtime drink for aiden

And then started to have a go at one another.

[Amy] he thinks he can do everything better.

He says he cooks better. [Jimmy] no, no--

He puts 'em to-- no.

"If you know what you're doin', you can get it done."

That's what you said on mother's day.

I got 'em ready for church in ten minutes.

Put their clothes on, and-- that's not hard to do. I mean--

Well, I guess on that note, um,

I'm going to leave you both for the evening.

Don't k*ll each other, because actually, I do want

A meeting with both of you tomorrow morning.

It's been a great day for me because I've been able

To see quite a lot.

See you tomorrow. [Jimmy] for tomorrow's meeting,

I'm very nervous, because if anybody

Can tell me what I'm doing wrong as a parent, it--it's jo.

[Whispers] bye. [Jimmy] bye.

[Amy] what is she gonna think about us?

But I'm not willin' to go down without a fight, either.

I'm ready to stand my ground for certain things I believe in.

♪♪♪

Having spent time

Observing you guys as a family,

So what I would like to start with is food.

Now we spoke about that, and you said to me,

"I feel, you know, disheartened

"To put any food on the table

"Because these kids won't eat it,

So I'm discouraged now to even cook."

It's important for your kids to have their fruit

And their vegetables.

It's part of their health, their nutrition.i agree.

It's lazy.yeah.

Let's talk about bedtime.

We have a bedroom upstairs for aiden

That's not being used

Because one of you,amy,

You're clinging onto aiden for the wrong reason.

Emotionally, that fills a hole for you.

That feels good. It pacifies you.

It feeds you emotionally, amy.

I get it.

But there's no reason

Why you can't have that closeness with him...

[Amy] mm-hmm. And cuddles and snuggle up with him during the day.

You have those little moments,

If you create time to have them.

Okay.

So let's talk about this spanking thing,

Because you told me that you don't want to spank,

Yet I heard from you yesterday

That, yeah, you know, but, you know,

You don't really feel it's a bad thing.

I mean, where--where are you guys at on this?

If we didn't have to spank

And we could discipline and it'd be effective,

Well, we would agree on that, wouldn't we?

If jacob disrespects me,

I think that's not just,

"Oh, go get in your time-out," you know what I mean?

So you basically teach him, if someone disrespects you,

That that's what you do, you hit. Not hit. Spank.

It's the same thing. Wooden spoon, hand--it hurts.

I'm--i'm leanin' more toward the new technique myself.

Are--are you not?

I mean, why wouldn't you be? I don't know.

If it works, and if it's effective-- okay, we'll try it.

Because the spanking's not working right now. Okay, and I'm--

Like I said, I'm-- I am willing to try.

For our children's sake...

I'm willing to try. And our sake--okay.

Okay, let's do it %. Okay, I'm willing to try.

Do you not hear me speaking these words to you? Yes, okay.

Why are you getting so angry?

I'm not. I'm just sayin',

Do you not hear me speaking these words to you...okay.

I'm willing to try. Let's just forget about the spankings.

Okay. The sp--the spanking is out. It's just--i mean, this is--

I mean, I've said it three times.okay.

I said okay. Okay. I know.

So do I have two parents on board?

Yes, ma'am. Mm-hmm.

Yes, you do. Yeah? Okay, so I'll look forward to seeing you

So we can get started again. All right, thank you.

Thank you.

Coming up on "supernanny,"

The kids speak out about spanking.

Do you feel frightened of it?

But mom puts her foot down...

I just don't want to tell them right now

We will never, ever, ever spank them again.

When "supernanny" returns.

♪♪♪

When I first arrived for teaching the next day,

My priority was /-year-old aiden's safety.

Unfortunately, I did have the opportunity to see

The little one fall down a flight of stairs,

Which actually was very frightening,

Obviously, for us all. [Crying]

[Jacob] mom!

What we want to talk about

Is really aiden learning

How to go up and down those stairs properly.

I'd like to see you actually telling aiden

To go up each step

Two feet at a time, okay?

[Amy] mm-hmm.like so.

[Jimmy] mm-hmm. And then holding on

To the white bannister railings here.

Aiden took to walking down the stairs

Like a duck to water.

Good boy!

Well done! That's it.

Aiden was doing very well, so I moved on

To having dad put safety gates at the top

And at the bottom of the staircase.

I really did feel more safe with the gates in place.

The stair gates, for me, definitely give me

A peace of mind, and I'm glad we have 'em now.

[Jo] the next thing I'm going to put in place

Are the house rules,

So that the kids can understand what will be expected of them,

And the parents can have a few whilst they're at it, as well.

Well, you can see here we've got rules for mom & dad

And rules for kids.

So let's start off

With a rule for the kids.

No-- no talkin' back.

Another one. If we say something the first time,

I would like it to be done.

Listen and do as you're told.

Mm-hmm. No hitting...

Okay. Would be number three.

To share is a rule, would--wouldn't it be? Okay, boys,

A rule for mom and dad.

How about "no screaming"? Can we work on that? Yeah.

No.yeah, no screamin', no spankin'.

In the parents' meeting, amy decided

That she was not going to spank,

And then when it came to puttin' it into writing,

Well, she started to pout.

I like the "no screamin'." I-i really-- I do, too.

I really do. Write the "no-- no spanking."

No spanking. No spanking. No spanking.

I felt really aggravated at jo,

That she had put that decision on my children.

Discipline should never be the child's choice, ever.

I just can't believe our kids are decidin'... You know, it--

That we don't do this anymore.

They're not. Don't you understand--

I'm confident that this is gonna--

Don't you understand, they're not?

This is just a nice way of showing the kids

That their family are making changes,

And yet amy is taking it literally

Like the kids are dictating to her.

At the end of the day,

These parents are the ones that are in control,

And they've got to start feeling that.

Come and chill over here then.

Come on, we're going to sit over here. I wanted for us to sit

Somewhere a lot more comfortable,

And I really wanted mom to hear firsthand from the boys

Exactly how spanking made them feel.

When mom and dad say, "I'm gonna spank you now,"

Do you feel frightened of it?

Yeah. Right. Okay.

I just--i just don't want to tell them right now

We will never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever spank them again.

Mom knows I'm gonna be teaching her my way

Of disciplining the kids, but I think she's more concerned

With having to control this whole situation.

Maybe she feels that she can't pull it off.

You're thinking, "I've got the spanking as a safety net."

Yep, that's it.

How do you learn to get those successful results

If what you're doing is walking with a safety net,

Knowing that you can, at the end of the day,

Find an excuse for why you want to give up?

'Cause let's face it,

All you're doing, amy, is setting yourself up.

You're setting yourself up to fail.

If I have good kids, and they behave

Without havin' to spank 'em when they misbehave,

You know, wow, teach me.

I want to learn it.

Okay, let's go. All right! I mean, seriously.

I am. I'm ready.

After much debate, mom gave in

And wrote "no spanking" on the house rules,

But I'm not convinced.

At the end of the day, I'm gonna be teaching these parents

A new way to discipline. Is she committed?

Only time's gonna tell.

I reluctantly did it,

But I'm just not sure.

I just need to see some proof.

[Jo] I realize that mom's had a long, hard day,

But she is gonna have to muster up some more energy,

Because aiden needs to sleep in his bed on his own.

We went straight into the sleep separation technique...

Give me a kiss night-night.

Which is to place your child into bed without talking to them

Every time they get out of bed

With you remaining in the room.

[Jo] okay, amy? Amy? [Crying]

Mommy! You can do this. Do you hear me?

You can do this.

If he gets out, put him back into the bed... [Crying]

And you keep quiet, all right?okay.

It was tough. It was tough for amy.

[Crying] mama!

[Crying]

I knew it was great for her to be there to help me,

I just really wasn't ready to do it.

[Crying]

Mama. Mama.

[Jo] every time he called her name,

You could see she was just praying

That she would find the strength to be able to follow through.

[Crying] she was very close to breaking.

[Aiden crying] mama.

[Jimmy] I got kinda worried,

Wonderin' if it was good for him,

Just cryin' and screamin' in his bed.

[Screaming]

I was really concerned with amy, too.

I knew it was tearin' her heart out.

[Screaming]

[Crying]

I think it took aiden about an hour,

But he did finally go to sleep,

And so that was kind of rewarding.

Who put aiden to bed tonight? Me.

Sorry?

Me.

I'm very proud of amy for stickin' to the bed technique.

We just crossed a milestone for you.

You did good, girl.

Puttin' aiden in his own bed was by far the hardest thing

That she's put into place.

That was tough. I know.

All right, get ready to cuddle, 'cause I gotta have somebody. I'm cuddly.

I'm cuddly.

Um, I think that's where I exit.

Yeah. I think that's where I go home for the night.

Coming up on "supernanny"...

Upstairs.

Things backfire when brody actually wants a time-out.

That's why I said it was not his choice

For him to choose no spanking. He's choosin' the easy road.

And tensions between mom and dad flare up once again...

Do you want to be married years from now?

When "supernanny" returns.

♪♪♪

[Jo] mom and dad, in the past, have chose to spank their boys,

When it's come to disciplining them,

And I've promised mom and dad that I would teach them

A technique for discipline that will be very different.

When you've already told them in a conversational voice

To stop something, and they've chosen

Not to listen and do as they're told,

You then have to give them a warning.

If they continue beyond the warning,

Bring them over to a chair,

And they are going to do time-out.

You're gonna tell them why they now have to sit on that chair,

And you'll set your timer

One minute per their age.

When they've done it, you'll come back,

And you'll tell them again.

"You were told to sit here because "x," "y" and "zed."

You will then tell them that you want an apology.

Hugs and kisses, and you move on.

I'm lookin' forward to usin' the technique.

I'm definitely willin' to try the time-out technique.

[Crying] it's cleanup time.

No, I can't. Yes, you can.

There came a point when the boys had to start tidying up,

And brody refused to do it. He started to stall.

Brody. [Crying]

Look, what is this, and this?

I'd like you to turn around and tell him,

"I'm asking you to pick up those pieces..."Yeah.

"And put them into the box.

"If I have to come up here and see you're not doing it,

You know what's gonna be happening."

I'm going downstairs, and when I come back,

They better be picked up. You understand me, right?

[Jo] brody refused to listen to him,

And in the end, dad put him into a time-out.

Sit down. [Crying]

Sit down and don't get up. Explain why he's there.

[Crying] explain why he's there.

You didn't pick up your toys, so you're--you're in time-out. [Coughs]

I can't. I'm leaving. [Crying]

Set the alarm.

[Timer beeps] [jo] this is the first time

That this family have done a time-out,

And so it did seem a little bit awkward for jimmy.

With jo standin' beside me, it was like,

"Am I gonna pass the test"? [Crying]

And actually, we didn't see brody get up from the chair.

[Crying] [jimmy] he knew that he was in trouble,

And he set his time. I was proud of him.

Come on, listen to me. [Crying]

You know why I put you in time-out?

Because you didn't do what I asked you to do with the toys.

Now apologize for not listening to me for not--

I don't know what that means.

It means tell me you're sorry. Sorry.

Hug me. Give me a hug. [Crying]

[Jo] with some good coaching,

Dad did manage to do a good time-out with brody.

But brody still has to do

What he refused to do in the beginning,

And that's tidy up that playroom.

Let's go. Upstairs. [Crying]

No. Upstairs.

He's askin' for time-outs,

Because he thinks it's easier... Yeah, of course.

To get a time-out. Okay, so...

This is exactly the reason

I think time-outs don't work.

We're gonna deal with this now. Come and watch me.

Of course he's gonna want the sittin' in the chair

Rather than doin' what he's told to do

And rather than getting a spankin'.

Brody, you've been asked by your father

To go upstairs and start tidying up the playroom,

So I suggest you listen and do as you're told.

Off you go, please.

[Jo] brody went off to do as he was asked,

And I went back to talk to mom,

And she was convinced with what she saw

That time-out was never gonna work.

[Brody crying] that's why I said it was not his choice

For him to choose no spanking.

That's why--that's why I said that out there... See, I'm--

Because he's choosin' the easy road.

He wants-- that's not an easy road.

Once they've been in that time-out a few times,

And they've realized

That actually, they're gonna go back there again and again,

To them, it's gonna become very boring, very sterile...mm-hmm.

And they're gonna realize what they're gonna lose out on.

[Jimmy] I like the time-out technique

Because you can use it anywhere

Without havin', "oh, my god, this guy's beatin' his child.

Call the police," you know?

I'm gonna do my best with the time-outs,

But there are some things that warrant a spankin',

And if it warrants a spanking,

I'm more than likely gonna have to spank my children.

[Jo] the boys eat a lot of junk.

Let's face it, this family as a whole

Need to eat more well-balanced meals,

So I'm going to introduce them

To a little happy technique.

Today, you get a chance to decide a meal

That you would like to eat tonight.

But this is the catch--

Mom and dad are not cookin' the dinner tonight.

You guys are gonna be the chefs. They were like, "really?

We're gonna get to cook?" And guess what I've got?

I've got special chef outfits for you.

Getting the boys really involved with cooking the food themselves

Is going to educate this whole family

About eating better.

Okay, so the meal tonight

Will be what? You two decide. Pork.

Pork chop.okay.

[Jo] they chose pork chops and macaroni,

A couple of vegetables

And a fruit.

And together, the pair of them started to get their aprons on

And get busy making the food.

[Bell dinging] five orders, please!

It was important for these boys to do it on their own,

Although dad give 'em a little help

When it comes to using the knives.

Right here. Slice 'em right down the side.

Yeah. Cool!

Cooking dinner was fun

Because I got to cut the vegetables.

♪♪♪

This is gonna be some cheesy macaroni and cheese. [Jimmy] I'm tellin' you.

[Amy] the kids bein' involved with cookin' the meal,

They get to see the process

That you take to make a meal.

I think it looks great, guys. Are you proud of yourselves? Mm-hmm.

Yes. [Jo] brody and jacob

Had an opportunity to look

At the different variety of foods that are out there.

Y'all did a great job. This is good food.

I'm really hoping when I'm gone for several days,

That mom's not gonna go back to spanking,

Which means that mom and dad

Need to be tight in their relationship.

So I'm going to provoke

A very honest and frank conversation

Between the pair of 'em.

Is it okay to get junk food out of the pantry?

♪♪♪

So I'm seeing a yes, and I'm seeing a no.

So we've got a difference of opinion here.

Hmm. It is okay for the children

To have a difference of opinion

About bedtime?

I'm always open to their opinions.

No, 'cause that's talkin' back.

Can your children make noise in the car--yes or no?

She didn't ask if they could scream.

Just listen to the question.

He started nitpickin' at the answers I was givin',

And it's something he does quite often.

He's so cut-and-dry, and I'm not.

I-i-i have a lot of thinkin'

That goes on behind my head.

I think what I say is where i--the--

You know, % of the time, and you do the same.

To me, all that sounds like is

You're just sayin' it to be pretty. No,

No, I'm not sayin' it to be-- to me, really, it does...

No, i--this is-- this is--

Because this is-- h-hold on.

Okay, I'm sorry. This is how it is--i'll be talkin' about somethin',

And you say, "we're just not talkin' about that right now."

That's kinda what it sounds like to me right now.

I'm--i'm seein' where this is goin',

And I'm--i'm havin' a hard time explainin' myself.

Right, because you want to walk away.

You wa--no, I don't want to walk away.

No, just like-- I don't want to walk away.

I sat very, very still

Because I did not want to be a distraction for this couple.

I wanted them locked into each other

So that they would air this confrontation

That's been going on for too long between them both.

Do you want to be married years from now

And hang out and, like, do great things together,

[Voice breaking] or do you want to just leave me at home

And go do your own thing

Because you don't want to hear what I have to say?

No. I want to hear what you have to say.

'Cause if you don't want to hear what I have to say now,

I can't imagine you as a -year-old man

Wantin' to hear what I have to say.

I'm sorry.

I'm just sorry.

Honey.

And I honestly mean that. [Sniffles]

I feel like such a butt sometimes.

But I'm--i'm just too hardheaded or too stubborn

To go back to you and tell you I'm sorry.

She was cryin',

And... [Sighs] as a husband,

It made me stop and think about how I was treatin' her.

Come here. Stand up.

I don't-- [sniffles] come on.

That's one of my favorite little meetings that we've had.

I think it made me understand amy a little more,

So therefore, i-i think I can be a better husband.

[Whispering] I love you. Hmm?

If I can become a better husband to my wife,

Then we can become better parents together.

[Jo] there's been some feelings

That have been trampled on,

And it's raw. It's raw in that house.

They're bruised. They've got a lot of work ahead of them.

I am going to look forward to seeing you guys when I get back.

I'm gone for three days.

When I'm gone for several days,

Mom is gonna have the opportunity to put in

The new discipline technique.

I just hope she doesn't go back to her old ways.

I want to see you guys really coming together.

I'm kinda nervous...bye-bye.

About seeing jo walk out the door

And knowin' that we're on our own for the next three days.

I'm gonna do my best with the time-outs,

But I can't promise that I'll never spank my children again.

Coming up on "supernanny,"

Mom loses her temper. Oh, my god, please.

And the kids feel the pain... Now stop it right now.

When "supernanny" returns.

And now...

When your kids are sick, should you allow them

To sleep in your bed at night for comfort?

"A"--no, comfort them in their own room

So they learn to feel secure in their own bed,

"B"--yes, allow them to sleep in your bed

If they're restless and need more attention,

"C"--well, let the kids decide on the night.

Find out the answer when we return.

And now...

When your kids are sick, should you allow them

To sleep in your bed at night for comfort?

"A"--no, comfort them in their own room

So they learn to feel secure in their own bed,

"B"--yes, allow them to sleep in your bed

If they're restless and need more attention,

"C"--well, let the kids decide on the night.

The answer is "b."

Yes, allow the kids to sleep in your bed

If they're restless and need more attention.

They'll feel more comforted

For the period of time they're sick.

But be aware, if you give them an inch, they'll take a mile.

So when feeling better, back to their beds they go.

I've been away now from the phelps family

For several days,

And I just hope that they've stayed on track.

So let's take a look.

I've given you three chances to get this up,

And you didn't do it. Now sit down. [Yells indistinctly]

Sit down.

[Crying]

When I tell you to do something,

You do it when I tell you to, right? [Crying]

Tell me you're sorry. Sorry.

Huh? Tell me again.

I'm sorry. I didn't hear you.

Sorry.

All right, that's a little bit screwed-up there.

I mean, he told you the first time.

He didn't need to say it a second and a third.

Once you've done that apology, you can have that conversation

Outside the naughty chair. Are you with me? That was a bad--

That was a bad time-out.

So it's important to remember those steps.

[Amy] brody, are you cleanin' up,

Or are you tryin' to get somethin' out

From the bottom of the pile?

Who wants to be able to go outside and play? Me.

Okay, well, then let's get this together.

Y'all are takin' so long

To do one little task.

Pick it up and put it on there!

Pick what?

Oh, my god, please.

Pick this and put it up here!

Now stop it right now.

I'm sick of you not helpin',

And I'm sick of you... I'm gonna help!

Always gettin' to play. Let's go.

I'm gonna help. [Crying]

You're gonna get time-out now,

And then you're gonna get time-out when we go outside.

[Screaming]

You're so mad. You're like, "you're getting a time-out now,

"And then you're gonna get it later.

"And then I might give it back to you before suppertime.

And then, you know, you just might get one before bedtime."

You're like, you're fuming.

It's like you've already spanked him, and now you've run out.

You're like, "I'm gonna have to do time-out now."

♪♪♪

The time-out, either I didn't do it right,

Or it's just--

Like I said, it's just not-- it's just--

It's not enough punishment for them.

I end up doin' everything. [Cries]

These boys are capable of tidying up the room.

They're lazy. They don't have to, 'cause mom will do it.

After she's had a good moan,

And she's spanked us a couple of times,

She'll go in there,

And she'll clean it up anyway. Then you're feeling helpless.

Then you're feeling it's everybody else's fault.

This is what you do to change.

When you change, everything else will have to change.

Don't you hit. [Aiden hits amy, laughs]

Ah! [Giggling]

I said to not hit, didn't i?

You're getting time-out for hitting. [Aiden cries]

[Jacob] say sorry. We do not hit.

[Aiden crying] daddy. Daddy.

Aiden's not on his time-out.

[Screaming]

[Laughing] time-out.

[Brody laughing] do not get up.

Look, you got in time-out

'Cause you hit mommy, okay?

[Aiden cries] daddy.

Look at mommy. We don't hit, okay?

No. We don't hit.

Are you sorry for hittin'? Okay. Mommy loves you.

Okay. You had no problem doing naughty step there with aiden.

Mm-hmm. You know, he hit you,

And straight away, you're like, "no, I'm not going there."

You would have normally-- have--have spanked aiden.

You would have tapped him across his butt because he hit you.

It's confusing.

Those mixed messages...yeah.

Will mess this kid's head up.

It shows me if you can do it with your little /-year-old,

You're more than capable

Of doing it with your older boys.

So I hope this has motivated you

In realizing you do not have to spank.

You know, you're both accountable

For what you need to change. Yep.

So what we are gonna do is we're gonna look at discipline

In a way in which you guys can start to remember it

And other things.

Okay, thank you. Thank you.

Coming up on "supernanny,"

Back in the playroom,

Can mom keep her hands to herself?

This is about you stepping up without losing it.

And can mom finally commit to not spanking?

Every technique, you've tried to find an exit door.

When "supernanny" returns.

♪♪♪

I've watched the dvd footage

Of mom upstairs in the playroom,

Shouting at these children.

Pick it up and put it on there!

Pick this and put it up here.

It was very counterproductive

Because they were not listening to her.

I want to turn this around.

This is about you stepping up

And recognizing, "actually, I can do this

In a really positive way without losing it."

I explained to her

That she would need to check her tone,

Be very positive with her language

And keep her patience. We are gonna clean up the playroom.

At first, I was really worried that mom was going down

That old negative path.

Who dumped these cars out? Aiden.

And then she turned it right around

With some good positive encouragement. Good job.

There was, uh, a much lighter tone to mom's voice.

Awesome. Thank you for doing what mommy asked you to do.

Jo was there to tell me, you know, "keep your voice calm

And reassure 'em that they're doin' a good job." [Amy] good job, aiden!

These kids were listening,

And they were doing as they were told. Good job!

It's good to clean up.

As long as she can encourage these children

In a positive way, then she never has to go down

To where she then loses her temper

And then becomes out of control.

After the boys had finished tidying up their bedroom,

I wanted to make sure that before I left,

That mom and dad knew the steps of the time-out

Like the back of their hand.

I want to give you the opportunity

To keep remembering what the steps are,

Because as long as you guys can remember it,

Then when you're in the moment of doing a time-out,

You're not gonna become flustered and panicked.

Here are the steps.

Put them in the right order.

I can do this.yeah.

Dad knew in his head what the steps were,

And straightaway, he started to organize it.

♪♪♪

I was impressed that they got it right,

But I wanted to make sure that mom and dad understood

Why each step was important.

"Set the timer one minute per age."

Jacob, who's , why wouldn't we give him, say, minutes?

Because it's not, uh, reachable.

It's not something he could actually do. Correct.

It would just be unrealistic.

You've put here, "go back and explain."

Why? They've had time to kinda let it soak in,

And go back and refresh their memory...

Correct. Of why we put 'em there in the first place.

Exactly. Exactly, jimmy.

Jo has taught me that I don't always

Have to discipline my children out of anger.

I'm willing to keep movin' forward

With the time-outs.

I had one last exercise to do with mom,

Because in the beginning,

She was unwilling to want to change.

However, throughout the process, she did make changes

In a very positive way,

And I believe this exercise will keep her on track.

I'm gonna ask you to b*llet-point

Three things that you want

To get better at doing.

And these three things

Are what you are gonna commit to changing

In three months.

[Amy] I want to be able to give my best and my all

To the time-out technique

And my attitude and my tone of voice.

We are gonna be able to nip things in the bud

Before it gets to the point

Where we have to resort to spanking.

[Jo] she folded up the piece of paper

And then placed it into an envelope,

And I took that envelope back.

I'm gonna send this to you

In three months' time

So that you can mark by this letter

To see exactly where you are.

I don't want to be embarrassed to myself

That I've not followed through with this.

So I think it will definitely put a fire under my heinie

And make me want to do it, you know?

On every challenge, every technique,

You've tried to find an exit door.

But to turn around and have the courage

To take a step forward

Leads to a mother and a wife

Who's actually happy with the steps that she's making.

I'm ready. Good.

I'm going now. Can I give you a cuddle?

Okay. Mm. Bye-bye.

They're really pleasant boys... Come here, big boy.

And they certainly got themselves into pickles

Because they didn't have those guidelines from their parents.

Can I give you a hug? Mm-hmm.

So if the parents can toe the line,

Then they'll have kids that can do that, as well.

Jimmy, take care. Take care. I need a big hug. Oh.

This experience has definitely changed me as a father.

I'm more confident with my boys as far as disciplining.

I'm looked up to more as a-- as a parent now.

Amy. Mm-hmm.

Thank you, my love. All right. Thank you.

[Amy] I'm very proud of my family,

And I hope that this is, uh, an experience

That we all glean from. Bye. Bye, guys.

Thank you. Thank you so much.

Bye--yeah, thank you. Bye-bye. Good-bye.

I want to see jo jo.

♪♪♪