07x09 - The Colombo Family

[bunniefuu]

Tonight on "supernanny"...

No!i just can't handle it.

Jo enters a hostile colombo household.

It's just gonna make him wild and crazy the whole day.

All right. No, it's--no, it's not.yes, it is!

He was--i mean, this is so obvious--

All the time outs and all that stuff. I mean, he needs a nap!will you calm down?

Okay, but--no, not okay. I'm talking to you.

Stay-at-home mom danielle has been pushed to the brink.

Do you feel guilty that you put him in time out?no, I feel frustrated.

Ow! J.j.!her three kids have her running in circles.

[Voice breaks] I have her down here...[Coughs]

Him there, him there.

Dad doesn't have a clue how to help...hey! No hitting. Hey!

I come home, and I just kind of want peace.no!

And discipline is a disaster.

[Screeches]

Let's be real about it.oh, I'm being real.

Y-you're not.can jo get these parents to listen to reason...

You're the one who's overwhelmed.i disagree.

Or will her advice fall on deaf ears?

No!

♪♪♪♪♪

♪♪♪♪♪

I'm in melbourne, florida, ready to help a family

Who seriously need my help, so why don't we take a look?

[Both] hi. We're the colombo family.

I'm joe.i'm danielle.

[Joe] and we have three children.

[Danielle] carlo is , j.j. Is , and julia is .

I'm a local attorney. I get home late quite often.don't push her.

I'm a stay-at-home mom.

The kids are with me most of the day.stop it!

Yeah, hey! Carlo! Carlo. Come over here, carlo![Cries] no!

My life is very hard right now,

Because everyone is doing different things...[Thud]

Having meltdowns at different times.

It's incredibly stressful and it is very taxing.

Carlo has what I call the screech.

[Screeches]

My word. Hope I brought my earplugs.

It really just takes your breath away.[Screeching]

No!

J.j. Is definitely the boss around here.

He's a ball of wild energy.hey, don't pull hair. Hey!

J.j.!he has quite a bit of a temper.

I am! No!don't try to hit me.

Hey! No hitting. Hey!aah!

He hits...hey. Stop.

Kicks...j.j.

You trying to kick me?slaps...

Stop.

Pinches...ow! J.j.!

Screams...no!

And he's only .

You've got to be kidding.

You're gonna stay on here two minutes.

For discipline, I try to do the naughty step,

But j.j. Kicks down the baby gate, so I do the naughty room.

[Shouts indistinctly]you have to calm down, okay?

I'm not tired. Can i--why are you making this so long and drawn out? Go back.

This is not the naughty step I know.

I'm kinda big with the finger. "Don't do that."

Hey. No bad words.

[Speaks indistinctly]hey. I'm serious.

This family is not doing discipline.

I don't care what they're saying.

Quiet and eat.j.j., Come on. Stop. All right.

Quiet!that's gonna spill.

[Danielle] dinners at our house are an uncontrolled circus...

[Screeches]you guys are acting like wild animals.

Aah![Danielle] screaming, getting up, running around...

If you stay in your chair and just have three more bites,

You can be done, j.j.carlo is also a very picky eater.

He actually will almost vomit if it's something

That he does not want to eat.

Oh, carlo's just messing around here. That's gotta stop.

Listen, I'm done. I'm done.[Speaks indistinctly]

I'm running, constantly going, never stopping.

I've never been able to come up for air.[Sighs] ohh.

I desperately want to give each child the time

That they deserve...ohh.

But it's not happening.oh, my goodness.

Now this is a mom who's seriously exhausted

And torn in every direction.[Cries]

Aah!j.j.

[Screeches]

Our life right now is complete chaos.

No hitting. No hitting. No. Hey, hey, hey!are you gonna say sorry?

No![Danielle] we need some calm. My brain can't take anymore.

Supernanny, please help us take control back from the kids.

Mom and dad, hold on in there,

Because your kids are ruling your roost,

And that's got to stop. I'll see you soon.

Hello! Hey, you. Pleased to meet you.

Hello! [Laughs] it's so good to meet you.

[Jo] mom must really need my help.

She grabbed onto me for dear life.

Who have we got here?let's go say hello. So this is j.j. Can you say hello?

Hi, j.j. Pleased to meet you.

Hi, carlo. Pleased to meet you. How are you?

Hi, julia.[Danielle] she's a busy one.

She is? Is joseph at work?yes, he is.

Joseph works very long hours, and mom stays at home...[High-pitched voice] oh, no.

With the kids, and I can tell, that's a lot for her to handle.

[Cries]ohh.

[Jo] one of the first things I noticed when I entered the house

Was a list of rules on the wall.

"No hurting others. No bad words. No throwing things."

But what happens when one of these rules get broken?

How long have the rules been up there, danielle?forever.

What do you do when they break 'em?

The naughty room, which is not working for me very well.

I wasn't in the house long at all,

And j.j. Broke one of the rules, and I got to see exactly why

The naughty room doesn't work for danielle.

Aah! I'm sorry. I didn't!

Okay. Do not scream at me! Do not scream at me.

If you scream at me one more time, you're going

In the naughty room.[Jo] what kind of a warning is that?

Mom was talking to the back of his head.

Where did she learn that from?

I did not make you fall, j.j. Come on.yes, you did!

All right. There we go.[Giggling]

Ohh.

Can I ask you where you learnt this technique?

Uh, your show.

My show?

[Chuckles] yes.

So you learnt this...

No, not this.watching me?

[Chuckles] no. I tried. I'm trying.okay.

[Danielle] I do try my hardest to do the naughty room,

But I've never truly followed through.

Aah!

Three minutes. Stay.

Stay in there.

This ain't my technique. I don't know whose this is.

[Jo] with j.j. In the naughty room, mom checked on carlo,

Which gave mom and I a chance to have a little chat.

So what did you do before motherhood?

[Laughs] funny enough, I taught anger management for children.excuse me?

[Laughs] I did. Obviously, it's been lost to me.

I don't know. It's like, uh, it was another lifetime.

Did you teach any other parenting classes

Or children's--i taught parent education. [Laughs]

Excuse me? Parent education, you taught?yes, I did. I did.

Well, did you forget that as well?yeah.

And then j.j. Started throwing insults to her

From the other room, and you could see that

This was winding mom up.i just can't handle it.

[J.j.] Mommy!stop screaming!

J.j., Every time you keep saying that, I'm gonna start it again.

Okay? Stop saying bad words to me.

[Sighs]

Stupid! Mommy!

[Danielle] the bad words never stopped.

The screaming never stopped. I did not know what to do.

It broke me.[Jo] I can see the frustration.

What is it that is running through your head right now?

[Voice breaks] I have her down here...

[Coughs]him there, him there.

It's just... How do you keep 'em all in one spot...[Fusses]

And discipline 'em?

Ohh.

She's what I call wrapped up in the tornado.

[Boy] no!

J.j.!no!

Just finish three minutes.[Cries] no.

Oh, it's a bad situation when you're begging your kid

To stay in time out.well, just don't-- don't kick me.

[Crying and screaming]do not kick me.

[Thud][jo] if mom really knew my technique, she would know,

"No communication," but she keeps going back

And getting more abuse. This is wearing her down.

[Crying]

[Shouts indistinctly]

Do you remember when you used to do

Those parenting educational classes

And those parents used to come in frustrated?

Yes. Yes.what would you tell them?

Uh, that they needed to have time for themselves

To relieve the stress a little bit. Ohh.

But you're sitting there saying, "yeah, but how do I do that

"When I'm at home with the kids all day

And it's me with three of them?" Right?yes. Yes.

Danielle needs to take her own advice. She needs

To hold herself together, because if she doesn't,

The whole household is gonna spiral out of control.

[Crying and shouting indistinctly]

Coming up on...

Jo challenges mom...

Do you really wanna discipline your kids?i definitely do.

I don't believe you right now.but she's full of excuses.

It is a lot to do in a day.

I don't know what you want me to do. Give you a medal?

When "supernanny" returns.

♪♪♪♪♪

[J.j.] Ouch!

Three minutes. Stay.[Jo] danielle was trying to enforce discipline with j.j...

Stupid!but the whole process is just wearing her down.

[Crying]do you feel guilty that you've put him in time out?

No. I feel frustrated. [Voice breaks] they just won't--

I want to get out.

I certainly don't feel guilty.

[Sighs]

No.

[Sighs]

[Crying]

Can we please just do three minutes?

See, this is, like, what I don't know.

I mean, is it done? Is it done?is it?

I don't know.[Jo] it was a frustrating place for mom to be.

She's angry. She's upset. Her kids won't listen.

She feels that she's doing everything possible

To make it better,

And yet this woman has serious issues that need to be resolved,

And that's my job.

[Cries]

[Sighs]

Okay. Come on.

[Jo] and eventually, mom gave up.

J.j didn't do his three minutes.

I mean, she just couldn't take it anymore.

♪♪♪♪♪

Nice to finally meet you. Nice to meet you finally.

Hi. Jo frost. Nice to meet you. Hi.

[Jo] later on in the afternoon, dad came home,

And I was really keen to get his take on the issues

With the kids.are you good at doing the discipline?

It's just--it's just danielle that needs help with it?no, no. I need help.

We're both kinda the same, you know, the same way that--

We're not disciplinarians, that's for sure.

[Jo] after dad set the kids up with a computer game,

He told me about why he finds it so difficult to do discipline.

I don't discipline them as much as should,

'Cause I come home, and I just kinda want peace.

If they start, especially the younger one, says bad words,

I don't ignore it, but I mean, I don't, you know,

I certainly don't-- I don't put 'em--

I put 'em in time out once in a while,

But then if that doesn't work, I just kinda give up.

Yeah, I'm sure every dad would like to come home

To a peaceful household, but at the end of the day,

He's got kids who need attention from him

And a wife who's been dealing with these kids all day.

Yeah, good luck with that one.well, hello.

After talking to dad, I went outside to see

How mom was getting on with dinner.

So what are you actually cooking for the family tonight?

Are you all eating the same thing or...

I would like it to have just been the steak taco,

But I'm figuring that's probably not gonna go over too well,

So I'm cooking some chicken also, so it's--

Is that just through choice,

Or, I mean, are you forced to do that?oh, yeah, no.

I would probably just do chicken or do the steak, but...

So what's the reason then for...

Carlo's probably not gonna like the seasoning on the steak

Possibly. You know, there's a little bit of seasoning on it.right.

Dinners at our house consist of carlo usually refusing

To eat something or everything.

So why not just order chicken tonight then and not the steak?

[Laughs] that's a good question.

You're right. It should've just been the chicken.

It would've made things easier.

Or it could've been the steak, but without the seasoning.right.

Mom's so overwhelmed,

I don't even think she knows what she's doing for dinner.

I mean, is it steak? Is it chicken? I mean, what is it?

Carlo, can you please leave that there?

Leave that there. Thank you.okay. You got that.

Carlo, leave it there.[Joe] you guys want some ice?

Let's have steak. There it is.

Mom told me that carlo wouldn't eat the steak, so why is she

Giving him steak, and why is she giving him so much steak?

What came next was no surprise.

Carlo. [Sighs]

Carlo, what is the problem?

[Gags]are you sick?

Oh, that's ridiculous. Come on. Stop it.

Mom didn't persevere with the steak. She gave up,

And then she gave carlo chicken, so what was the whole point?

Oh! That's great! Great.oh. Good boy. All right.

[Jo] however, carlo didn't want to eat that either,

And now both kids are up from the table.aah!

[Joe] j.j.

[Speaks indistinctly]

So everyone's done now. Is that right?looks that way. [Chuckles]

Oh.

With dinner apparently over, I'd seen all I needed to see.

The next morning, I wanted to get back, so that I could have

A family meeting with mom and dad.hi.

Hi.hello.

[Danielle] the thought of the parent meeting is making me

Want to run for the hills. Based upon the observation day, yeah,

I'm not saying that the meeting is gonna go so great.

I wanna talk firstly about time management, so that

The kids get the best from you, you get the best from the kids.

You have no framework. How do you know what's coming next?

How do the kids know what's coming next?

How does it create stability?

I try to put some structure to the day.

I try to do certain times of the day--

A craft time, a this time.i think the word "try" here is quite key.

But it is a lot to do in a day. It's a lot.

At this stage, I don't know what you want me to do.

Give you a medal?i'm not asking for a medal.

I'm just saying, it's not like I'm just sitting on the couch

And watching tv all day, uh, you know?let's be real about it.

Oh, I'm being real.y-you're not, because if you were being real about it,

You would recognize that your defensive attitude right now

Is coming from a place of not accepting where you're at.

The reality is,

Is that your time is not being utilized properly.

I mean, it's left the kids with having no direction, no focus,

Because you guys are not focused.

Yeah.let's move on to discipline.

[Exhales deeply]do you really wanna do discipline?

I mean, do you really core-believe

That it's important to discipline your kids?[Joe] yes.

I definitely do.i don't believe you right now,

Because your actions speak louder than your words.

You're unwilling right now to follow through

A correct discipline.

And, joe, you just avoid it altogether.

[Inhales deeply] yeah.

Those rules up there-- they stand for nothing,

Because there are no consequences.

Right.

Let's talk about dinnertime.okay.

There's no table manners.right.

Sure.and carlo's food is a problem because he's become picky.

Why do you think it's got this bad?

We probably let him, you know, get away with it for this long.

Obviously, I should just make him eat what he's gonna eat,

But I end up giving in. I do.

You've created these bad eating habits.

Right.

Danielle, I truthfully believe that

You don't enjoy parenthood right now.

You're obviously wanting something

That you feel that you don't get.

What do you need?

[Sighs]

[Whispers] what do I need?

[Cries] oh, god.

What are you craving right now?

[Normal voice] uh... Purpose.

You know, I need to be involved in something.

You know, I just need to be using my brain.

You're isolated.oh, definitely.

And there's nothing wrong in feeling that.

You need that stimulation.yeah, that's definitely true.

All right. So enough of the talk, okay?all right.

I wanna see action. So are we on board?yes, definitely.

Yes, ma'am.all right. Good.

I'm ready.all right. Well, let's get moving then. Thank you.

Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you.thank you.

Coming up on...

J.j., Come on. It's your nap time.

Jo and mom come to blows over a new routine.

And this is just what it's gonna do, of course.

It's just gonna make him wild and crazy the whole day.

All right. No, it's--no, it's not.

Yes, it is!can jo put mom's attitude in check...

Will you calm down?okay, but--

No, not okay. I'm talking to you.[Groans]

When "supernanny" returns.

♪♪♪♪♪

[Jo] this family certainly have a lot of challenges.

First things first, we need to create a daily routine,

So that mom can be focused and manage her time better.

What I ask people to do is to look at the cornerstones--

The things that are cemented in there because of necessity.

So let's put in the first cornerstone here,

Which would be their school.okay.

Danielle had told me that she never had a minute to spare,

But actually as we did the routine,

She had an enlightening discovery.

How much time is there floating around between when you drop

The kids off to school and when you have to pick 'em up?

A good two and a half, three hours. How about that? [Laughs]

[Danielle] it usually feels like I have five minutes

To get everything done, but no, no.

It was two and half hours. That's a big difference.

Discipline has been a major issue in this house,

Because it doesn't exist.

J.j.[Jo] later on in the day, j.j. Started to kick off,

And as dad was dealing with julia,

I wanted to help mom brush up on her discipline skills.[Screaming and crying]

J.j., You do not scream at mommy. Oh!

Hey!you do not hit mommy. That is one--do not scream.

No! Stop it.okay. All right. You kicked me.

You're going to the naughty room. I gave you a warning

Not to hit mommy, and you kicked and hurt mommy again.

No, you didn't. No, you didn't.

There was no warning. There was no "do not kick me,

Otherwise you're gonna go into time out." All right?okay.

Let's start over again here. Come down to his level.

Have that command in your voice, a low speech pattern, okay?

But before mom could finish her warning,

J.j scurried underneath the bed.[Danielle] j.j., Come out here now.

J.j. This is your warning. Come out here now.

If you do not come out here now,

I will put you in the naughty room.

J.j., I told you to come out here, and you didn't listen.

You're going to the naughty room.

[J.j.] Ow!don't talk. Just take him there.

[Shouts indistinctly]

[Crying]

J.j., You're gonna stay in here for three minutes.where's the communication?

You're talking to the back of his head.

[Danielle] when it gets too crazy, there's screaming,

There's craziness, I mean, my--i just go blank.

You're gonna be in a time out,

Because you're kicking me and trying to hurt me.

You do not hurt your mother. You do not hurt anyone.unh. Stop it.

[Jo] go and set the timer.get out of here!

Mommy!

[Jo] and it wasn't long before j.j. Left the naughty room.

[Speaks indistinctly]

With j.j. Back in the room, I wanted to talk to mom

About how she deals with the other kids

When she's doing discipline.

So you've got the little one...[Danielle] go. Go. Yes.

And you need to do a time out...right. Right.

Obviously, so you need to think about how you're gonna do that.[Fussing]

What I'd probably do is just put her in her crib,

So I can deal with him.yeah.

You know, keep her there, but...[Timer beeps]

He did it. He's finished. He did finish it.

Okay, so you've made a decision that you're gonna put her

In the crib for now while you do that, yeah?yes.

[Jo] now that mom's worked out how she's gonna handle

The situation, all she needs to do is follow through.

[Danielle] you got sent to the naughty room

For kicking and hurting mommy.

You can get out of the room when you say sorry to mommy nicely.

Sorry.

Okay. Come on.

[Jo] finally...

After mom doing time out wrong for years,

She followed through, and j.j. Did a time out.

[Danielle] it was a huge sense of accomplishment

To finish j.j.'S first time out,

To know that, okay, we've got the plan

And we're putting it in action. The ball is rolling.

[Jo] mom has to deal with the kids % of the time,

And she does need a break, so having dad do some activities

With the kids when he comes home from work would be a good thing.

I have brought this brother box in.

Inside there is card and pen,

And what we are going to do together

Is create ideas

For you all to play together when you come home.

[Joe] all right, guys. J.j., I'm gonna ask you first.

What game would you like to play with daddy

When daddy comes home?the boys came up with some of their games...

[Chuckles] all right.and then jo thought up a couple games.

There's hide-and-seek.

"Hide-and-seek."And...

Now daddy has to think of an idea.what'd you play as a kid?

Soldiers. Army-- like, army rangers and all.

You know, dressed up like soldiers.

Soon the brother box was full of ideas,

And it's gonna keep dad and the boys busy

For quite some time.

After lunch, it was sleep time for j.j. And julia

And time for mom to take a break.

After minutes, though,

I was wondering whether j.j. Had fallen asleep.

So j.j.'S fast asleep now?

Yes. He sure is.

Why don't we go and check to make sure they're all right?

[Jo] and unfortunately, j.j. Was wide awake.

J.j., Come on. It's your nap time.

[Jo] I wanted mom to stick to the routine,

But as j.j. Hadn't fallen asleep,

And nap time was nearly over,

I suggested to her that he just rest and be in his room.

But mom was having none of it.i'm gonna let him sleep an hour when he goes to sleep.

Right, so then guess what happens to your routine?

Yeah, my whole routine goes out the window.

Correct. You've gone past your routine,

And now everything is turned upside down.

I don't agree with you. No. I don't want him to sit

In his room quietly. He needs to sleep.

He cannot make it through the day being this tired.[Speaking indistinctly]

It's just--he--he can't. I mean, uh, and, you know,

We're just aggravating the situation being in here.

[Jo] I was trying to reason with danielle,

But she just shut down and refused to listen.

If he falls asleep by the time your hour's done...

Gosh. Ohh.

I find that disrespectful, what you're doing right now.

[J.j. Shouts indistinctly]well, I find it torturing to him for no reason. Don't. Listen.

What, because he decided to start--okay, listen.

You are not going to tell mommy--call mommy a bad name.

This is your warning. Do not call mommy a bad name.

And this is just what it's gonna do, of course. It's just gonna

Make him wild and crazy the whole day.uh, no, no. No, it's not.

Yes. It is! And this is so obvious.he was--

It's just gonna make him crazy and all the time outs

And all that stuff. I mean, he needs a nap.

If it was different and he--excuse me. Will you calm down?

Okay. But if--no, not okay. I'm talking to you.

[Groans] oh, my god.excuse me. I find that very disrespectful. I really do.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.we're two adults here.

Okay. But I find it disrespectful to him,

What we're doing right now, so I'm--i'm getting very upset.to have someone come in

And try to just totally change the way you live,

It's just maddening. It was on. It was on.

I'm here trying to work with you.

[Boy] mommy.i'm not saying you have to agree with everything I'm saying.

Right.i'm just asking you that when you are--

But now, of course, us talking here has woke her up.

Coming up on...

Will mom listen to reason?

You're the one who's overwhelmed

And needs to get everything in place.oh, i... Disagree.

And jo and carlo face off at mealtime.

If you don't eat by the time I count to five,

You are going straight into time out. One...

When "supernanny" returns.

♪♪♪♪♪

[Jo] it was nap time for j.j.

However, after minutes, j.j. Wasn't asleep...

[Danielle] j.j.

[Jo] and instead of sticking to the routine,

Mom wanted him to sleep for another hour.it's just gonna make him crazy

And all the time outs and all that stuff.

I mean, he needs a nap.change is happening,

And you either go with it or you fight it,

And that's what I was seeing from mom.

There are times that he will sleep.

There are times that he won't sleep.

There are times that he's quite happy

In his room, by himself, playing, and that's wonderful.

You need it more because you're the one who's overwhelmed

And needs to get everything in place.

Uh, okay. I... Disagree.well...

We can just say that we disagree.uh, listen, as a parent,

You will be burnt out if you don't honor the fact

That you have to sometimes just sit down as well...right.

You know, just to be able to put your feet up

And have a cup of coffee. And you know what?mm-hmm.

You're entitled to do it.right.

And that's where you're at, and I acknowledge that.i think mom's really realized

That actually sticking to the routine is best.

It allows her to have the breaks that are necessary

So that she's rested,

And whatever the kids throw at her, she can deal with.when you're overwhelmed,

The noise and everything else is too much. It's too much.right.

And that's a really good indicator

That--that the body just needs to take five.

It dawned on me what she was kind of getting at.

You know, sometimes you really do need a relief or break.

I apologize for getting upset.know--know--know one thing--

I'm here because I have the honor,

Helping you in your home with your family and your children,

And everything I do and say is because I care.

Right. Okay.but the-- but the importance is--

Is sticking with you when you're going through it, okay?okay.

Because I care.okay.

Jo stepped on very shaky grounds,

But knowing she was doing that in an attempt to help me,

I really appreciated it.

♪♪♪♪♪

[Jo] danielle's had a really tough time

Getting carlo to eat at dinnertime,

So I wanna sit down

And go through a few tips that's gonna help her.

Carlo, I'd like you to eat one piece of your broccoli

And I'd like you to eat a piece of steak.

It's really important to give children

Clear expectations of what they're to eat.

This is the chosen piece,

And that's the piece of broccoli

And a couple of spoonfuls of polenta.

And now that carlo knew what he had to eat,

It was up to mom and dad to follow through.

[Danielle] if you're not doing what we've told you,

Then you're breaking the rules.[Jo] correct.

And if breaking the rules, that means you go into a time out.

That's right, mommy. That's right.

I really, really, really, really don't like it.

But you really need to eat it.

Mnh-mnh.well, if you're not eating it, that's your choice.

You're going into time out.mom was spot-on for giving carlo a time out

For refusing to eat, and it's really important

For carlo to see that mom means business.

And four minutes later,

Carlo was allowed to get back at the table,

But then he started to make excuses.

I don't like it.[Joe] one little bite of polenta. Come on.

No, you gotta try the polenta. Come on. You gotta--

You gotta eat that one bite.dad was getting absolutely nowhere

Negotiating with carlo, so I nipped it straight in the bud.

If you don't eat that forkful of polenta

By the time I count to five,

You are going straight into time out.

Do you understand me?

One...

Two...

Three...

Ah.

F--

You're putting that last piece in your mouth,

'Cause I'm counting to five, and I'm at three.

'Cause trust me, I will put you in time out.

Thank you.

But carlo had one last trick up his sleeve.

[Spits]

The wonderful event occurred-- the spitting up at the table.

Carlo, that's not true.

You were sick so that you didn't have to

Put any more in your mouth. You need a forkful, eat it.

Okay? And then you can get down and play.

[Danielle] just take a smaller bite.

[Joe] come on, baby. There you go.

See?there you go. Come on.

All right, good.but we--we held him to it, and he ate the rest,

And it was gone. He did it. He did it.

Give me five.oh, give five. All right!

All right.

Yes! I'm so, so happy. [Laughing]

[Jo] mom's done well so far, and I'm so pleased.

However, I wanna make sure that carlo's eating habits

Don't throw off this family's routine in the evening.

Set your dinnertime for minutes.

If after minutes, you're still struggling,

You take the plate away. He gets nothing, and he misses out

On the activity that's happening that evening.

The -miute dinnertime makes me anxious

Because I know that I'm probably going to fail.

Um, that's gonna be a hard one.

I'm just saying, that's gonna be tough.

I just hope that she has it in her

To continue and find that strength,

Because he's gonna test her. He really is.

♪♪♪♪♪

Who is ready to have fun with daddy

In the brothers box?

Me!me!

When joe got home from work the next day, I suggested

That he go to the brother box and do a little activity

With the kids, just to give mom a little break.

[Gasps] build a fort.

Dad, let's do it now.

Let's do it now? Okay.yeah.

Dad went upstairs, and he got really into having fun

With both of these boys.let's go in here.

Look, you guys already got a big cannon.

[Laughs] yeah, a big cannon.[Jo] yay!

You can blow stuff up with this. See?

I had an old subwoofer, so that was our big cannon.

Light the fuse, okay?[Makes hissing sound]

One, two, three. J.j., What do you say?

Uh...boom!

Boom!boom! [Laughs]

And we were sh**ting up the enemy, like a soldier.

It was cute. It was very cute.and whilst dad was busy doing activities with the kids,

It gave mom and I a chance just to step away for a while.

I've been thinking about mom a lot,

And I believe that as much as it's overwhelming for her

Dealing with her children, she's lost as a woman,

Really wondering what she wants to do as danielle

And not danielle the mom.

The real question is, who's danielle?

[Chuckles] mommy. Mommy. Mommy. That's all.

That's--that's-- that's what I am right now,

And it's hard. It's definitely hard.

You know, I want to feel like I'm doing something with myself,

You know, what god gave me to do.

I know I have talents in me to, you know, to make use of.

It definitely takes a lot to say you want something for yourself,

Because as a mother and a wife,

You just wanna do, do, do for all those around you,

And to say, "okay, I wanna do for me,"

You know, just it doesn't-- it doesn't feel right at first.

You made a decision at the time,

You know, with joe, that you were gonna have a family.

Was there a piece of you that afterwards thought...

Oh, yeah.and what--what about--

Oh, yeah, and you know what probably really set it off,

Now that I'm thinking about it, is, uh,

It was a hard moment when, uh... [Chuckles]

[Crying]

Oh.

[Sniffles]

Like, you know, I was online, and I had just--had--had saw

That two of the people that were in my same class, you know,

Had completed their doctorate. It was just like boom!

You know, the same thing I was supposed to do, so, you know...

[Sniffles]

[Sighs]

What--what stops you from, uh...[Sniffles]

Going out there and getting what you wanted?

It's, like, okay, well, yeah, you can't have everything.

You know, that's just not the way it goes.

So I chose my path, which I'm very happy.

And, you know, okay, so you want to go to school, too?

And--and you know...who says you can't have both?

I don't know.who says?

[Chuckles] yeah. Yeah.

[Jo] danielle felt guilty

That she wanted something for herself.

You know, there's certainly been this thought put into her head

That once you have a family, "oh, that's it.

You can forget about everything that you personally want,"

And that's so not true.so what do we do to change this?

How do we give you what youneed, not what mommy needs?right.

Why don't we give you what you need?

Start taking some online classes.

Okay.

I love to write, so...do you love to read?

Love to read.you're gonna start to do those things...

Okay.so that you can start to give back to you.

Absolutely.that's so important. When you gonna start this?

Tonight.yeah?

Tonight, yes.i was really happy to see danielle smiling.

It's good to hear her talking about

The things that she wants to do herself.

I mean, let's face it. It's a step in the right direction.

You know, I'm going for several days.[Joe] okay.

And I am leaving you to get on with what you've been taught,

Because it's necessary for you to do it without me around.

Mom and dad do have a lot on their plate...[J.j.] Bye!

And I do believe it's gonna be challenging for them.

I'll find out, in a few days,

If they're up for that challenge.

Coming up on...

If you scream again, I'll put you in time out.no!

Dad tries to dish out some discipline...

You gotta sit in time out for me.

Come here. J.j., Come here.i'm not.

But will j.j. Take him seriously?

This is not a joke. Look at daddy.

When "supernanny" returns.

♪♪♪♪♪

When I first met the colombo family,

They were in dire straits.

[Cries]j.j.

Carlo. Carlo, what is the problem?ah.

I have her down here...[Coughs]

Him there, him there.

It's just... How do you keep 'em all in one spot...

[Fusses]and discipline 'em?

So I'm very curious to see how they got on

Whilst I've been away.nervous?

Yeah.a little nervous. [Chuckles]

So why don't we take a look at the first step--the routine?

Because it was much needed in this house.yes.

Let's check the routine, make sure I'm not missing anything.

Okay. :. [Singsongy] that's lunchtime!

Julia's lunchtime!

[Deepens voice] and away for nap time.

[Normal voice] all that food--

You have to let all that food do all its magic.

I think this is how I'll go.

Tell me what the difference a routine has made

In your life, as a parent,

And the impact that it's made on the kids.

It's just given them confidence in the day.

I mean, it's kind of streamlined them.

It's made them a lot calmer,

'Cause they know what's going on.

Would I be right in saying that having that

Has--has led to you guys having a sense of calmness as well?

Absolutely. Absolutely.yeah. Yes.

Let's keep moving it forward.yeah, that sounds great.

Yeah.the brothers box. Oh, I'm excited to see this.

Who wants to take something out of the brother box?

You want to do a ping-pong ball balance?

You have to see how far you can go, okay?

And then j.j.'S next, okay? Hang on. [Laughs]

The egg and spoon.

Oh, you're good. Follow me. Oh, okay, you made it this far.

Daddy's gonna try now. Look.what if it drops?

Oh, this isn't easy. Uh-oh.

[Laughs]you can't get it. Oh! You!

[Laughs]

How about that?

It was very good. I've added a bunch of cards to that, too.a dad who was willing

To step out the box and find his inner child...yeah.

A metal spoon and a ping-pong ball.yeah. [Chuckles] fantastic.

Two boys together, having fun, you know?

Yeah, we're all laughing and having fun, exactly.

It's beautiful.yeah. All right, we're gonna take a look at dinnertime here.

Uh-oh. [Chuckles]'cause that was a major issue, too.

Yes. Yes.oh, yeah.

Let's take a look.[Danielle] okay, half an hour.

[Joe] mmm.look, you're gonna eat these two carrots

And all that sausage.

Carlo, the longer you take, the more it drags out.

Just finish your dinner and be done with it.

It goes straight into your mouth. Straight in.

Okay. Bye.

Okay. No, no. And what-- what are you forgetting?

What are you forgetting?

Yes, you may. All right.

Okay, we went minutes instead of minutes.

The reality is really it takes kids , minutes max,

To sit down and actually consume food. Stick with that.

It's about him eating his dinner and doing as he's told

And getting that nutritional value down him

So that it doesn't become a game.

But we've made really big progress there. Let's face it.yeah.

Joe, we're gonna take a look at your discipline skills here...uh-oh.

And see if you've polished up some.

If you scream again, I'll put you in time out.

Where's your--come down here. We'll find the pieces.

Are they down here? Any more pieces in here?

No!

All right, j.j.

[Danielle] that's it.come here, baby. You gotta sit in time out for me.

Come here. J.j., Come here.i'm not.

You're what? Get in the time out chair. You're--

[Babbles]give me that. Sit down. Look at daddy. Look at daddy.

I told you to stop screaming.

No, you're not having your toy right now. Give me your toy.

You sit right there. No more screaming.aah!

[J.j.] Aah!

Up?yeah.

All right.

I put you in time out

'Cause you're screaming too much and too loud.

This is not a joke. Look at daddy. Look at daddy.

[Fusses]this is not a joke.

Daddy's not happy with you when you scream like that, okay?

Are you gonna stop screaming?

Yes.all right, gimme a hug. Come here. I love you come here.

[Sighs]

Times out certainly need to be addressed

With making sure we've got the steps in place there.

Each step is really important, because it allows the child

To learn that what you say is what you mean.

Hands are not necessary unless j.j.'S lashing out.

Okay.what you don't want is "look at me. Look at me. Stand--"

You--you don't want to be physical.okay.

Just being able to say "look at me, please,"

He should be able to take that basic direction.

So there is much for us still to do. I believe

That we certainly need to continue with some discipline.

Okay.and so, uh, we still ready to be putting in some work?

Absolutely. Yeah.yeah, I think it's a good motivation.

You should be very proud of yourselves.thank you.

You've done really well.thank you to you.

You're welcome.thank you.

Coming up on...

This is your warning. You do not talk about poop

While we're sitting at the table.

J.j. Continues to defy his parents

And dad's discipline is put to the test.

Dad!

When "supernanny" returns.

And now...

What's the best way to make sure

Children are up and out of the house in time for school?

"A," wake them up half an hour earlier than you normally would,

"B," if they don't get up right away, give them a warning,

And do not fear sending them off to school,

Even if they are in their pajamas,

"C," prepare the night before, and get up with them

So you can give 'em good direction.

Find out the answer when we return.

And now...

What's the best way to make sure

Children are up and out of the house in time for school?

"A," wake them up half an hour earlier than you normally would,

"B," if they don't get up right away, give them a warning,

And do not fear sending them off to school,

Even if they are in their pajamas,

"C," prepare the night before, and get up with them

So you can give 'em good direction.

The answer is "a, "b," and "c."

Actually, all of the above are important.

So remember, prepare the night before,

So you don't set you and the kids up for disaster.

After watching the dvd,

I certainly know that this family need a reminder

Of the time out steps, especially dad,

So they can remember that and then follow through

And execute it properly.

Naughty step.

Number --warning.

Time out explanation.

Why? Why'd you have to explain to him?so that you know what--

What you're doing is wrong so you won't do it again.jo made me go through

The various steps in front of the kids.

What's the purpose of explaining to the children

A second time?after they've had a chance to calm down, it reinforces

The discipline as far as why they went to time out.mm-hmm.

I think danielle's got it down pat, but she wanted

To really emphasize it with me, and so it was very helpful.all right.

So that's--i'll hang that up.well said.

I think the important thing is, is that dad now has the steps,

So once he's hung it up, then he can follow through,

And it's gonna be a matter of practice, really.

And it was not long before the family sat down for lunch

And j.j. Got himself into trouble.

[Danielle] we're not gonna say that 'cause that's rude.

J.j., We don't talk about poop.

J.j.no. Hey.

Listen. Hey, this is your warning.

You do not talk about poop while we're sitting at the table.

I'm gonna put you in a time out.[Joe] not polite.

No, that's...

Okay. Mommy warned you about saying "poop" at the table.

That's really rude, and it's bad manners.

Hey!i'd love joe to do it,

Because the discipline board up there...okay. Okay.

Joe, follow through with the steps.

Listen, you can't-- you were saying bad words

At the dinner table, and mommy warned you.

So now you have to sit in time out, okay?

And we're--we're gonna go back to the table.

We're gonna eat with carlo. Carlo's not acting bad.

[Jo] come away. Come away. Come away. Come away. Come away.

Dad definitely needs some work on learning when to walk away

And to stop talking.dad!

Dad!but despite j.j. Screaming,

Dad stood his ground,

And j.j. Did a full three minutes in time out.

You're sitting in time out because you said

Bad, nasty things to mommy at the dining room table

And the bad words. Say I'm sorry."I'm sorry.

All right, come here. Give me a hug.

I love you. [Kisses]

It wasn't a perfect time out,

But it really was better than what he'd been doing before,

And with the reminder board in place, it'll only get better.

♪♪♪♪♪

As for mom, I'd asked her to take some time out for herself,

So I was interested to see what she'd been up to.i've been looking

At the master's of social work program

And also I was looking at a creative writing class, too.

[Danielle] I've definitely taken the first step,

And that's the greatest step to take.

I'm just moving on up from here.i think it's amazing. I mean, a couple of weeks ago,

Literally, you just felt guilty.

You were like, "how am I gonna do this?

I can't. I'm raising a family," and look.

It's exciting just to have it all kinda coming into place.

Just the whole getting back into there, it's just--

It's really fantastic.

I am my own person,

And I can pursue my own dreams,

And that's ultimately just gonna make me a much better mother.

There's--there's life outside of your house.

It's liberating, isn't it?it is. It's wonderful.

A sense of freedom.yeah.

She's very, very eager and enthusiastic,

And for me, it's a wonderful place to see danielle.

And guess who's gonna benefit-- the whole family.

[Danielle] come on over, guys.

[Jo] come over, 'cause jo jo's leaving now.

Ohh!hey. [Laughs] mwah.

This has been the most overwhelming journey of my life.

It's transformed my whole family,

And I couldn't be more grateful.[Joe] jo, thank you very much for helping our family.

We learned a lot in the last two weeks.

I'll give you a monster hug. [Growls]

Thanks, jo jo.

Aw! Mwah.

Bye-bye, jo.

Mwah.

Bye-bye.

Take care.when I first arrived at the colombo family,

Mom and dad were desperate.

They now have more harmony in the house.

I feel superconfident about the road that we're on,

And it's gonna keep on getting better and better.

♪♪♪♪♪