01x06 - Dare I, Darren

[bunniefuu]

♪ Someone once told me the grass is much greener ♪

♪ On the other side

♪ Well, I paid a visit

♪ While it's possible I missed it ♪

♪ It seemed different yet exactly the same ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

♪Till further notice♪

♪ Till further notice

♪I'm in between♪

♪ I'm in between

♪From where I'm standing♪

♪ From where I'm standing

♪ My grass is green

♪ Someone once told me the grass is much greener ♪

♪ On the other side.

[kids talking...]

Let's settle down, people.

Settle down.

Today we're going to be watching a picture

that wasn't nominated for any awards.

[chuckles]

But it should have been.

The main character is someone you can all relate to.

[beep]

[movie music playing]

Narrator: You...

and Your Pituitary Gland:

A Match Made In Heaven.

[all groan]

[chuckles]

Ooh, movies can be very romantic

even in the context of a classroom.

Maybe you should try to sit next to Ian? Hmm?

And when this fine boy was your age

he was a student in my class.

And now look!

One of the most recognized natural-healing doctors

in the whole world.

Me and Hoodsey are going to be, like

times that famous.

For what, Carl?

I'm hardly good at anything.

Mrs. Gordon?

Have you ever taught a student

whose adorable little pet became famous?

Because sometimes if your pet's

really, really adorable and special

it can get famous.

Forget it, Brandon.

Your stupid monkey

isn't ever going to be famous for anything.

Except being stupid.

You and Hoodsey are already famous for that.

Put your monkey where your mouth is.

I'll bet you me and Hoodsey

are world-famous by the end of this weekend.

Winner takes the monkey.

Carl! I've told you a million times

there will be no low-stakes gambling in my classroom.

Carl. Hoodsey.

Blake Gripling's out sick.

I'll need you to deliver his homework.

Both: Oh...

Narrator: Who's the hardest working gland with the most sex appeal?

Why, the pituitary, of course.

[movie music continues...]

Psst.

Huh?

[laughing...]

Watch as it secretes and secretes...

Hey, kids.

The pituitary deserves your silence and respect.

Sorry, Mr. Cilia.

We're really sorry.

Check out Ginger and Brace-face.

They're practically flirting!

You wish.

It certainly would make things easier for me and Ian.

Got History on the south side

and need to hit the infirmary en route.

Bye! Oh, don't forget choir practice!

Wait for you in the band room!

Hey, your mom picking you up today?

Nuh-uh.

She's working, I'm walking.

All right, cool.

Meet me at the bike rack.

I'll ride you.

I must say, Ginger.

You and your boyfriend make a cute couple.

And "cute" isn't a word

I'm generally comfortable with.

Darren? My boyfriend?

[laughs]

Are you crazy?

We're, like, total pals.

He's my neighbor.

I mean, I've known him forever.

"Friends first" is the foolproof formula for relationship success.

All the best couples start out that way.

At least, that's what Dr. Fondfeelings says.

I watch her infomercials.

There you have it.

And Dr. Fondfeelings is never wrong.

Never?

Hoodsey: It could happen.

And if we really are world famous by the end of this weekend, we win a monkey.

And we can make it do all kinds of crummy things.

Wow. A NASA-quality super-hi telescope!

Oh, I've always wanted one of these.

The monkey could eat our vegetables.

We could train it to clean our rooms.

I mean the possibilities are...

Infinite!

Hoodsey, we can use this telescope

to discover something really cool, like a comet.

Then we name it after ourselves and poof!

We're world famous.

Blake's never going to let us, you know.

He has to.

Otherwise, we hold his homework ransom.

Cheerio, old bean.

I'd hoped to snag a word with Master Blake.

Is he about?

[tearfully]: Terribly sorry.

I'm afraid... [sniffles] he's not in.

He's fallen ill and remains hospitalized at this very moment.

[crying]

Is he okay?

I mean, what happened?

It's his blasted tonsils.

They've plagued him e'er since he was a tiny tot.

[blows nose loudly]

Relax, Winston.

Tonsillectomy is no biggie.

Carl's mom is a nurse.

He knows.

Truly?

Then I feel scads better.

Thanks so much.

Why don't the two of you blokes pop by

and pay him a visit at hospital?

He'll be there a few more days.

Perfect!

Here, Winston.

Give Blake his homework for us.

Why'd you give up his homework, Carl?

Now we got nothing on him.

Hey...!

Hoodsey, with Blake and his whole family at the hospital

we don't need to resort to blackmail.

We can simply borrow his telescope for the weekend

then return it before he ever knows it's gone.

That's a total violation of the New Toy Code.

What "New Toy Code"?

And I quote, "No decent human

"shall play with another man's toy

"until the new toy recipient

"has had the opportunity to play with it himself.

Especially without asking."

You wrote it, circa second grade.

[scoffs] It's totally archaic.

No, Carl, it's totally fair

and I, for one, intend to uphold it.

We have to get Blake's consent, and you know it.

[grumbles]

Grab my bag?

Your chariot, madame.

Not too fast, okay?

Okay.

So you're never going to guess

what Miranda said about us today.

It's really funny.

What did she say?

Ian? What are you doing here?

Oh... whoa...

Whoa...

♪La-la-la-la-la...♪

♪La-la-la-la-la...♪

Hey! You guys make

a really cute couple.

We do?

Miranda: Over here.

Thanks for showing me the way, Miranda.

[door slams]

[distorted music playing]

[groans]

You were dreaming, Ginger.

What the...?

Nah...

Out!

You were twitching

and you drooled on your notebook.

That's always how people look

when they dream-- dogs, too.

So what was it about?

Carl:Darn!

What are you looking for, Space Freak?

I need some stationery.

Nice stationery.

There can't be any gum or crud on it.

Could you spare a slice?

What's it for?

Classified.

Then no. Get out.

Fine... it's for a card.

A get-well card.

A dear friend is sick

and me and Hoodsey care enough to send

the second best, okay?

[sighs]

Good-bye!

Much obliged, Sis.

[grunts]

[grunts]

Close my door.

[door slams]

This is crazy.

Darren is practically like...

my brother.

Uh, mind taking some dictation?

Your penmanship is a lot better than...

Out!

Maybe not exactly like my brother.

Hi. Emergency meeting at Macie's house, okay?

A.S.A.P.

Macie: You say you flew inside the tooth?

Yeah. Kinda.

Well, Miranda sort of held the tooth open

but then I flew in.

Oh, I see.

And where were the bicycle handles at this point, please?

I... can't remember.

[chuckles]

Ginger, Ginger, Ginger.

You're fighting me.

You have to want to do this work.

Now unless you're ready to cooperate, I really can't...

It says here: "The details of the dream

"aren't always important.

"What's more telling

is the overall mood of the dream."

Really?

Uh-huh.

So, after you flew into Darren's tooth

how did you feel?

I felt... happy.

Happy? Happy?

Oh...! Ginger has the total hots for Darren!

I always knew something like this would happen.

I swear I did.

Dr. Fondfeelings says

all the most successful couples

start out as friends first.

Dr. Fondfeelings.

Love to know where she studied.

[loud slurping...]

"Dear Blake..."

"Some don't know what they got until it's gone.

and me and Carl found out a little too late."

Are you nuts?

It's from a song, Carl.

A really good song.

The kind of song that makes certain kids cry, okay?

Hoodsey, we're trying to write a get-well card

not a love letter!

Ooh, a love letter.

Did you hear that, boys?

Retreat, Terrence!

[gulps]

Our visit with Blake means everything, Hoods.

Without his telescope

we could get shown up by a monkey, do you copy?

Oh, loud and clear, Carl.

I don't want that to happen any more than you do. Honest.

I know you don't, Hoods.

Now let's try it again.

"Dear Blake..."

Do you think he's going to sit with us?

I don't see why not.

He does every other day.

How does my hair look?

Orange, same as always.

Macie!

What is with you?

It's just that

once Ginger and Darren become an item

nothing is ever going to be the same.

That's not true.

If anything did happen between me and Darren

us four would still be tight as ever.

Right, Dodie?

Um...

Dodie?

Oh, you guys... come on.

Hey, where we going?

Uh... hello?

What's everyone smiling about?

Uh, just discussing how krauterrific

yesterday's chili dogs were.

Okay...

Well, I've got an even hotter

topic to discuss: Harley James.

His new movie is opening up

at the Flickaramaplex this weekend.

It just so happens that Will is working at the 'plex.

And he can get us four tickets to the matinee

no waiting in line or anything.

All four of us, huh?

[giggles]

Sounds terrif.

"Terrif"?

You guys are acting weird.

I'm going back for more corn.

Save your seat, D., okay?

Why am I suddenly acting like such a spaz?

Hey.

So, you ladies

into Harley James?

What? Oh, uh, yeah, we are.

See you at the matinee this weekend, right?

No doubt.

Matinees rock.

Yeah, I know. Okay, bye.

Did you see that?

Ginger practically snubbed Ian Richton.

What do you want to bet she's dwelling on Metal Man?

[laughs]

Foutley is so pliable.

And Ian Richton will so belong to me.

But he invited all three of us.

It's not even an official date.

Still, if it was an official date

and our presence officially ruined it?

We could never forgive ourselves.

Officially.

[sighs]

Seems like just yesterday

we were a squadron of sorts.

Itwasjust yesterday.

We should get going.

Don't get up, we'll show ourselves out.

If you feel like calling

to tell me what happened when it's all over

I'll be home.

Man!

Now, when you're done visiting Blake

park yourselves in the Nurses Lounge and wait for me.

Affirmative, Momster.

And, uh, thanks.

Okay, page me if you need me.

But not unless you need me.

And no monkey business, you two.

When we get in there

make sure you seem really sorry for Blake.

If you can manage to cry a little

it probably wouldn't be a bad idea.

Okay, Carl...

but what if he still says no?

We have an advantage here, Hoodsey.

Blake can barely talk.

Remember that.

Hi, Darren...

Darren: Hi.

Aah!

Hey, what's with the skirt?

Oh... my pants were all dirty.

Oh. Bummer.

So I guess you don't want to ride bikes

to the theater, then.

Well, let's bolt.

We can catch the bus or something.

Uh, where's Dodie and Macie?

Oh, they couldn't make it.

It's just going to be us.

Hope you don't mind.

Why would I mind?

That is so sweet, you big... sweetie.

Are you... feeling okay?

Blake? Can you hear me?

He looks so peaceful.

Let's not...

Here, let me put those in water for you.

So very thoughtful of you.

Dreadfully sorry Blake's napping.

I'll tell him you...

Come on, Blake!

Up and at 'em!

Hey! Hi there!

[groans]

There's our Blake!

Good morning, friend!

Hello there! Hi!

[hoarsely]: Oh... Car...

Shh... don't say anything.

You need your strength.

So they took out your tonsils, huh?

Uh-huh...

You need to borrow a Mason jar?

You know, to keep them in?

Oh...

Blake?

You did keep them, didn't you?

Uh-uh...

So you mean they're lying

in a pile of trash somewhere?

Creepy.

Don't worry.

My mom works here.

I'll pull some strings.

See if we can get 'em back for you.

That sure is nice of you, Carl.

Why, it seems like you would do

just about anything for Blake.

Well, we should probably get going.

You need your rest.

Bless you, son.

Oh, say, I almost forgot.

You don't suppose Hoodsey and I could borrow

your new high-powered telescope this weekend?

We have a big science project due

and what with you in the hospital and all...

[clearing throat]

No... no... no...

A million times no, I say!

Absolutely not!

[coughs, groans]

[grumbles]

Hoodsey: Did you see all that ice cream?

I mean, the kid can't even use the stupid telescope.

It's just sitting around in a box!

I really don't see how a boy his size

could possibly eat all that ice cream.

Oh, he's intolerable!

Come on, Carl, let's go unwind

in the Nurses Lounge.

They probably have

a vending machine and everything.

Carl: Holy larynx!

People parts!

In jars!

[laughs]

Come on!

[crowd muttering]

Okay, let's hear it.

Who's number one?

Who's the best brother?

You are, Will.

Who rules?

Who rocks the house on a regular?

Both: You do, Will.

You know, we're going to miss previews.

[laughs]

I can't believe he's your brother.

Neither can I.

Hey, check it out.

Two extras, since Dodie and Macie bailed.

Lucky you.

Everyone else got sold out.

Want 'em?

You mean I can just... have them?

Yeah. Me and Ginger don't need four seats.

Good deal.

I know just who to invite.

[laughs]

Since you got the tickets, I'll get the refreshments.

I'm a modern woman, Darren.

Can we get a large corn?

Ginger, what do you want to drink?

Pink lemonade.

One straw or two?

One! Two!

Miranda: Oh, Ginger?

If you're heading into the theater

would you mind saving me and Ian seats?

Then we could all sit together.

It'll be fun-- kind of like a double date.

You mean you and Ian...?

Justonestraw please.

So this is where all the extra body parts go.

It's the most magical place in the world!

Carl?

You're not going to believe what I just found.

[audience talking...]

Just so you know?

When a movie's really scary?

Sometimes if you...

hold hands with the person you're sitting next to

it makes it less scary.

Says who?

[movie music begins]

You're leaving this dreadful place tomorrow, sir.

And I, for one, couldn't be happier.

Carl: Oh, Blake?

No hard feelings about the telescope, okay?

Hoodsey and I found an excellent

consolation prize.

My, my...

Yup. Your tonsils.

And if you want to discuss visitation rights

feel free to give us a call.

When you get your voice back, that is.

[both laughing]

My, my, my...

[yells]

Aah!

Sorry, baby.

Gotta roll.

Sorry, Darren.

[gasping]

She's a goner...

Sorry, Ian.

Vampires rock!

[all gasp]

This is getting

really scary.

[grunting]

Ha! Ha!

Not so fast... Harley.

This is the perfect time to...

[gasps]

Ginger! What exactly do you think you're doing?

I don't know.

It must be my... pituitary gland!

Ginger, wait!

What is going on with you?

I'm sorry, I...

I guess we need to talk.

It's like this.

I had this really confusing dream.

About you.

Are you serious?

Yeah.

And it kind of made me wonder if...

maybe we were more than just friends.

You mean...Yeah.

You and me?Right.

Boyfriend and...

Correct, Darren.

Yeah.

So that's why you were acting so strange.

With the skirt and the giggles and everything.

Boy, you're not making this easy, are you?

Okay. Let me think.

See, to me, we're definitely more than

"just friends."

We're, like, best friends.

I don't know... you're like family to me, Ginger.

I feel that way, too.

But people keep insisting

that we make this great couple.

[sighs]

People...

[laughing]

Oh, Darren...

Besides, the world might actually stop spinning

if you gave up on Ian Richton.

Now, wait, was it my imagination

or were you holding his hand in there?

[laughing]

[crickets chirping, owl hoots]

Better than a monkey?

No question.

[both laughing]

Hoodsey: I'll say!

[laughter continues]

Hoodsey: I really don't see how a boy his size

could possibly eat all that ice cream.