01x12 - Come Back Little Seal Girl

[bunniefuu]

♪ Someone once told me the grass is much greener ♪

♪ On the other side

♪ Well, I paid a visit

♪ While it's possible I missed it ♪

♪ It seemed different yet exactly the same ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

♪Till further notice♪

♪ Till further notice

♪I'm in between♪

♪ I'm in between

♪From where I'm standing♪

♪ From where I'm standing

♪ My grass is green

♪ Someone once told me the grass is much greener ♪

♪ On the other side.

GINGER: She said she couldn't

because he said that?

No, because... [gasps]

Oh, my gosh! Look!

Sign-ups for the Lucky Junior High talent show start today.

This is a big year, girls.

Our first-ever junior high school performance.

Standing before me here and now

do you hereby pledge to make this

the most spectacular show in the history of our friendship?

I do!

You betcha I do!

Then it's decided.

This year, we're going to win that shiny trophy

we've had our eye on since kindergarten.

Ooh... [chuckling]

Missed a spot, upper left nostril.

Hmm. So...

what do you think we should do for the talent show?

I was thinking we could model pre-teen couture.

Isn't it supposed to be atalentshow?

Modeling is a talent, Miranda-- a very bankable one.

Here's a notion:

why not ask Ginger Foutley

to join our little spectacle?

I'm sure she'd be delighted

since you two are such good friends and all.

Great idea!

How uncharacteristically generous of you.

[chuckles]

Oh, Ginger...

a word with Courtney.

Hi, Courtney. Hi, Miranda.

Courtney has wonderful news. Courtney?

Thank you, Miranda, and congratulations, Ginger.

You have been selected to appear with Miranda and me

in our talent show extravaganza!

Wow, that's really nice of you.

That's right, it is.

This is your chance

to shine with the stars, Ginger.

You may want to rejoice.

I wish I could, but the thing is

I sort of have this thing.

See, I always do the talent show with my friends.

Are you saying that we'renotyour friends?

Doesn't it sound

like that's what Ginger's saying?

It most certainly does.

And I'm experiencing an incredibly unfamiliar emotion right now, Ginger.

Um, I didn't mean to hurt your...

Don't upset her more!

It's called rejection, honey.

Well, I don't like it one bit.

Miranda, what does someone do after they've been...

Rejected? Typically, they stop talking

to the person that rejected them

and storm angrily away.

Can do!

But... but you...

DODIE: Okay, in all fairness

last year's "Viva La Mime" did fall a little flat.

How about an interpretive dance

toThe Little Seal Girl theme song?

We already know all the words by heart.

Ooh, I like!

I like very much!

Ginger?

Uh... sure, that, that sounds good.

Ginger? What aren't you telling us?

It's just...

Courtney Gripling is mad at me

because I wouldn't be in her talent show skit.

Mad at you?

Nobody can get mad when something is a BFT.

That's the whole magic of a Best Friend Tradition.

I tried to tell her

but she thought I was rejecting her.

How dare you reject Courtney Gripling?!

Who do you think you are?!

Sorry... I've been conditioned.

Look, Ginger, when Courtney sees how great our act is

she'll understand this BFT is a really special one

and she'll forget all about being mad at you.

You really think so?

Nope, but denial can be a great healer.

So, all in favor of doing interpretive dance

to theLittle Seal Girl theme song say "arf"!

ALL: Arf!

You know what the coolest thing about eating beets is?

Carl, we're eating. I'm warning you.

What, Mom?

I was just going to say

they're packed with vitamin C.

Hmm...

And when you go to the bathroom...

Mom!

That's it, Carl, I mean it.

One more gross-out and it's no dessert.

Well, what's dessert? Uh-uh.

What? I may not like it.

I may opt for the gross-out instead.

[sighs]

Ginger, would you care

to direct the conversation

in a more palatable direction?

Well, uh, Dodie, Macie and I are getting ready

for the junior high

talent show.

Did I mention that my teacher

has a dead hand?

She's bringing it in this week.

That's it, Carl, you lose.

And it was German chocolate, so there.

It's not a dead hand, Carl.

It's mummified.

I had Mrs. Gordon in fourth grade.

Dead, mummified, what's the diff?

All I know is, anyone who touches it is cursed.

That's a total lie.

You ever touch it?

No.

So how do you know?

It's great to know

where my tax dollars are going.

Mummified hand.

Some curriculum.

Hey, mummification is educational, Mom.

For example, did you know

that part of the embalming process

involves removing the brains?

The ancient Egyptians used to scoop them out

through the nose...

Mom...!

You just couldn't quit while you were ahead.

And I was going to give it to you.

I'm thinking we should flap our fins

a lot faster in the second chorus.

What do you think, Ginger?

I don't know...

Maybe we should...

Hello, Ginger.

So nice to see you and yourfriend.

Got your little skit all set for the talent show?

Well, we've got something in the works, but...

Courtney, about yesterday, I...

Now, Ginger, don't be so modest.

We're planning something really spectacular, Courtney.

Here's a hint.

Arf, arf, arf, arf!

I'm sorry, I don't follow.

The Little Seal Girl, silly.

She's half girl, half seal?

She sings that cute little song

about friendship and fish and...

Let's show them our jazz fins.

BOTH: Cha...!

I'm feeling a very unfamiliar emotion again, Miranda.

I think you may be embarrassed for them.

I know I am.

[both laughing]

Dodie...

do you think we're too old forThe Little Seal Girl?

It's possible, though this is

the first I'm hearing about it.

[Macie humming...]

Wow, Macie... that's some costume.

I made it out of hypoallergenic polyurethane blend

to create the wet look.

It's, uh... quite a sight.

This is nothing.

Wait until you see the dance moves I've been working up.

[humming...]

Go, Macie, go, Macie.

Go, Seal Girl.

[chuckles]

Arf.

Arf-arf, then...

Arf...

Uh, maybe we should

reconsider our routine.

The Little Seal Girl is starting to feel...

Kind of babyish.

Yeah.

I'm not sure I understand.

Well, see, Macie, we were talking, and...

maybe we've outgrown the Little Seal Girl.

[gasps]

Shame on you!

That spunky little girl with the infectious smile

who just happens to be half seal

has been our whole lives

since the second grade.

Exactly!

We need to find something

a little more... seventh grade.

But we voted on it.

Well, let's revote.

Um, all in favor of ditching

the Little Seal Girl

for an act that's slightly more...

mature, say aye.

BOTH: Aye.

Sorry, Macie.

A vote's a vote.

I thought BFT stands for Best Friend Tradition.

Well, no friend says aye

when the other friend says nay!

Nay, you hear?

Seal Girl lives on!

Come in, Hoodsey.

Do we have confirmation? Over.

I believe we have movement.

Copy that, Hoodsey.

I need an ETA, over.

A lot of it depends on how fast she walks and stuff... whoa!

What, what is it, Hoods? Over.

There's a dead bird, like

two feet away from me.

Oh, stay focused, Hoodsey.

Oh, okay.

Mrs. Gordon should be arriving

sometime in the next ten to...

Over and out.

Carl, that bird smells really bad.

You got to come take a whiff.

Hoodsey, please, we're here about the hand.

[feedback whines]

I don't want to see the hand, Carl.

I can't afford another curse.

I told you about the black cat incident

that let to a whole semester of summer school.

[kids clamoring...]

Scat, the lot of you!

Okay, okay, you're crowding the hand!

Right this way, ma'am.

Animals, Mrs. Gordon.

I'm afraid you and your lovely hand just aren't safe.

I have a good mind to call the whole thing off.

Maybe not a bad idea.

What he means is, may not be a bad idea...

to consider beefing up security a bit.

Follow, Gordo?

May I call you Gordo?

No.

Fair enough.

Look, Hoodsey and I are prepared to offer you

our platinum security package.

This includes round-the-clock surveillance

and one continental breakfast.

Not interested.

You're one tough customer, Mrs. G.

May I call you Mrs. G.?

We're all friends here.

I'd prefer you didn't.

Understood.

We really just want a sneak peek at...

You can forget it, Carl.

Hoodsey, be a dear and show Carl the door.

It's here, Carl.

Mrs. Gordon, you parked in the principal's spot again.

He needs you to move your car.

Fourteen years at this school

and you think they'd give me my own parking space.

Boys, I'm trusting you.

That hand is to stay in that drawer until tomorrow, as planned.

Do I make myself clear?

Crystal.

That means hands off the hand, Foutley

or else.

She said "or else," Carl.

That sounded like a thr*at.

Come to papa...

Carl, no!

You have your whole life ahead of you.

I'm going to shake hands with that hand

and if it be cursed, then bring it on!

Ah...

Oh...

[cr*ck]

[laughs nervously]

Oops.

I told you not to touch it.

She's definitely going to notice.

[dramatic voice]: Perhaps we should store the nub in my locker

and then take it home to my la-bor-atory.

There I can repair the creepy treasure

and soak up the remainder of its evil energy.

Carl, stop, you're scaring me.

Ah, Hoodsey, we always fear

that which we do not understand.

Aah... oop!

Cursed, I tell ya.

[both humming and panting]

BOTH: Ta-da!

[taps clicking]

We thought you could be in the center

and wear scarlet- colored fishnets.

Fishnets? Don't make me laugh.

Macie, please?

It will be really cool.

With the three of us...

Cool? Cool?!

Do I look like a girl

who's concerned with what's cool?

I think not.

My flippers are planted

firmly on the ground, thank you very much.

Hi...

Let me know when you play Carnegie Hall.

Officer Lois, how do?

What are you doing with my spatula?

Classified, I'm afraid.

But I can tell you that Nurse Hoodsey and I

will be in surgery for the rest of the day

so if you need to reach me, leave a message at the office.

Operating on what, doctor?

I need to know, for my surveillance report.

[sighs] Well, if you must know, it's a dead hand.

I'm mending it for a friend.

Okay... but the hand is already dead, right?

I mean, there's no way you could k*ll it.

No, and I'm afraid any more questions

would be a violation

of the patient's right to privacy.

Now, good day.

[sighs]

Why do I bother to buff and wax?

How come I always have to be the nurse?

Is the patient prepped and ready?

I told you, Carl, I'm not touching that thing.

That's precisely why you're always the nurse, Hoodsey.

Sutures.

I said sutures, come on!

I'm losing him!

[gasps]

I can't watch.

[grunting]

[squeaking]

No good!

She's just too thick!

Do you think this is going to work?

We've done all we can, nurse.

Only time will tell.

Oh, I can't believe it.

We're really not going to have an act

in the talent competition.

They're still looking for volunteers to pull the curtain.

That's kind of a talent, I guess.

We could do that.

♪Who's that girl in the pink capris?♪

♪ It's Courtney, it's Courtney ♪

♪Who's the girl who loves to ski?♪

♪ It's Courtney...

GINGER: Oh, they're here early.

♪Who throws the best parties...♪

MIRANDA: People, people, you're supposed to swoosh on the one.

S-woosh!

Cut!

Brilliant!

Or at least I was.

We've got it locked.

I mean, have you seen the competition?

That Little Seal Girl?

Puh-lease! What a spaz!

[laughs] She's going to make the biggest fool out of herself.

[gasps]

Did you hear that?

We have to stop Macie

from doing that act.

They're all going to laugh at her.

You know she won't listen, Ginger.

Then we'll just have to take that job as curtain-pullers.

That way, if things get ugly...

You don't mean...?

I do, Dodie.

We pull, fast and hard.

Oh, it doesn't look that good, Carl.

You can see the glue and everything.

Don't worry.

I'm betting Gordo's eyesight ain't what it used to be.

It's a piece of cake.

Good morning, boys.

Well, today's the big day.

I just want to say good morning to this...

[gasping and stammering]

Carl Foutley!

Wait until I get my hand on you!

[audience talking]

Ooh...

Whoa!

Cool it.

What did I tell you? Cursed.

Try not to get entirely filthy.

I want you to look halfway presentable at the afterparty.

Afterparty?

Oh...

You're right, I am cursed.

[music begins]

MAN: And now, it's time

for the annual Lucky Junior High School Talent Show.

Here's your host... [clears throat]

Chet Zipper.

Here we go.

[panting and grunting]

Way to pull that curtain, girls!

Rock and roll!

Shh...

[scattered applause]

Aloha.

Um, good evening, ladies and germs.

I'm Chet Zipper, um, part-time seventh-grader

and, um, full-time funnyman.

Um, how, how you folks, doing out there tonight?

[clears throat]

[coughing]

Okay.

So, um... uh, parents, yeah.

What's up with that?

[kids talking]

Break a leg, Courtney.

Ha, you wish.

So how come you're not in the talent show, Ginger?

I thought it was a BLT.

It's kind of a long story

but I guess the reason is pretty silly.

[finishes playing]

[applause]

And good night, Morty Binkerton.

Don't bother calling us, we'll call you.

Budda-bum, tss...

Okay... now, without any further time spent saying things, um

here's Courtney Gripling, Miranda Killgallen and company

with "Courtney's World."

[scattered applause, music begins]

♪Who's the girl in the pink capris?♪

♪ It's Courtney, it's Courtney

♪Who's the girl who loves to ski?♪

♪ It's Courtney, it's Courtney

♪Who throws the best par-ties?♪

♪ It's Courtney, it's Courtney

♪Who's the girl? We'll all agree♪

♪ It's Courtney

♪ It's Courtney!

[cheering and applause]

Wow.

Okay, Macie's up next.

If it seems like she's bombing, start pulling.

[whispers]: I am the Little Seal Girl.

Iamthe Little Seal Girl.

CHET: Okay, and now for our very own Macie Lightfoot

as the Little Seal Girl.

[applause]

Oh...

[scattered laughter]

[music begins]

SINGER [on tape]: ♪ Most folks think that I'm not real ♪

♪ 'cause I'm half girl and I'm half seal ♪

♪ I'm a little seal girl living in the real world ♪

♪ and it's so hard to get by... ♪

Is this a joke?

It's so bad... it's almost good.

♪ Ooh...

[tape slows, stops]

Oh!

[audience coughing and muttering...]

[singing nervously]: ♪ I'm a little seal girl living in the real world ♪

♪ and it's so hard to get by

♪ 'Cause seals can't even cry.

Miranda? Is it me or is there

something terribly endearing about her?

♪ But in this endless, boundless sea ♪

♪ is there no one who looks like me? ♪

[singing stronger]: ♪ I know I must stay chipper

♪ One day I'll find a friend to hold my flipper ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm a little seal girl living in the real world ♪

♪ and it's so hard to get by

♪ 'Cause seals can't even cry.

[cheering and applause...]

Yeah!

[both laugh]

Yay, Macie!

[cheering and applause continue...]

Ladies and gentlemen, now it's time to announce the winner.

And the trophy goes to...

whoa, Macie Lightfoot.

Go figure.

Oh...

[cheering and applause...]

You've got to be joking.

But I'm Courtney, I'm Courtney!

Macie, can we come in?

We were really rooting for you.

You were great!

You undeniably stole the show.

I think if the Little Seal Girl was watching tonight

oh, she'd have been proud.

[tearfully]: I'm so sorry.

I'm the one who broke the BFT.

I forgot the most important letter, the "T"

which stands for tradition

and tradition says we stick together, Seal Girl or no.

We did stick together, Macie.

The whole reason Ginger and I

worked as curtain pullers

was so we could drop it on you if you bombed!

But you didn't b*mb.

You were great.

The three of us will get them next year, BFT style.

Sorry I was such a hothead.

Group hug?

Aw, Macie...

[laughs]

[all laughing]

MACIE: I was really sweating in my suit.

[Dodie and Macie laugh]

How come we never hug, Miranda?

Ew, Courtney.

I'm serious.

Let's have a looksee.

[groans]

There, there.

That's quite enough of that.

♪Who's the girl in the pink capris?♪

♪ It's Courtney, it's Courtney

♪Who's the girl who loves to ski?♪

♪ It's Courtney, it's Courtney

♪Who's the girl? We'll all agree♪

♪ It's Courtney, it's Courtney! ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm a little seal girl ♪

♪ living in the real world

♪ and it's so hard to get by

♪ 'Cause seals can't even cry.

MACIE: Seal Girl lives on!