01x15 - Piece of My Heart

[bunniefuu]

♪ Someone once told me the grass is much greener ♪

♪ On the other side

♪ Well, I paid a visit

♪ While it's possible I missed it ♪

♪ It seemed different yet exactly the same ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

♪Till further notice♪

♪ Till further notice

♪I'm in between♪

♪ I'm in between

♪From where I'm standing♪

♪ From where I'm standing

♪ My grass is green

♪ Someone once told me the grass is much greener ♪

♪ On the other side.

MACIE: Be right with you.

Just need a decon... gestant.

[gasps]

GORDON: ...even though "current events"

is a subjective term

I don't want any papers

on your horoscope or the funnies.

Should we start the class minutes later, Mr. Bishop

so you can get here on time?

It'd sure help!

You just earned yourself a one-page report

on the importance of punctuality, young man.

[whispers]: You make the drop?

She's got these cute frog stickers

all over her locker.

Never mind the frogs!

Pinkie's on her last legs.

What ho, gents?

Ah, go bore someone else, Gripling.

You can't fool me, Foutley.

You're up to something.

Not a chance.

[fakes yawn]

It's gonna be a dull week.

Dull? But, Carl, don't you remember

we're gonna steal... hey!

That'll be another report on the importance

of not disturbing the class, Mr. Bishop.

...and I looked down, and there it was.

Give it to me!

"Roses smell good, picnics have ants

"Please ask me to the Sadie Hawkins dance.

Signed, Your Mystery Man."

His handwriting's so neat.

Are you going to ask him to the dance this Saturday?

How? I don't even know who it is.

He'll be in touch again.

He'll have to be.

He wants you to ask him.

Okay, Macie's going with her mystery man

I'm going with Chet Zipper...

who willnothave

"hat hair" on Saturday night.

Ginger, you better hurry up and ask Ian.

I'm worried he's already been asked.

Hello? That's why you have to hurry up.

I know. But Darren and I have a pact.

If Ian's already taken, he and I are going together.

Good news, people!

Our tight-fisted school board

has decided there's enough money

to keep the dissection of a healthy pig's heart in our curriculum.

[class cheers]

Now, now... the faint of "heart" can write a report instead.

Okay, Macie?

My sensitive stomach lining thanks you, Mr. C.

I don't know, Carl.

I mean, stealing a pig's heart is a criminal offense.

Pinkie needs that heart

more than some dumb science class.

Was it or was it not Pinkie the cow

who survived being struck by lightning?

It was.

Was it or was it not Pinkie the cow

who saved that little dog from the speeding train?

It was.

Is Pinkie or is Pinkie not

the most amazing cow that ever lived?

She is!

You're right.

I was being selfish.

Now we gotta steal the heart and get it to Pinkie

within hours of delivery to Lucky Junior High.

It's only good for that long.

That means we must locate and retrieve, A.S.A.P.

Okay.

Ooh... creamed corn.

[Dodie gasps]

Ian alert!

[sighs]

It's perfect.

His mouth will be full of water

when you ask him to the dance.

He won't be able to answer right away

so you can bat your eyes a couple of times

and push him in the direction of a "yes" vote.

But do you really think he'll...

Yes! Yes! Go!

So, Ian, anyone ask you

to the Sadie Hawkins dance yet?

No. But my Dad says it's probably

because I'm really good-looking.

See, when you're really good-looking

people are kind of intimidated by you.

Right. So, do you want to go with me?

Okay.

Okay, I asked Richton.

Now you have to ask your guy.

The invitation is already on its way.

[sighing loudly]

Oh, I was afraid you'd waited too long.

Looks like it'll be me and Darren.

[knock on door]

Oh, um... sorry, Miss.

I was thinking this was the Patterson residence.

Hey, Winston.

Next house over.

You making a delivery?

Miss Gripling's invitation to Master Patterson

for the Sadie Hawkins dance.

What?!

Am I hearing correctly?

It's the young ladies who ask the young gents.

Wish we had Sadie Hawkins when I was a young bloke.

Might have had a family of my own by now.

Cheers.

Would you be Master Patterson?

Uh... guess so.

Miss Courtney has sent me with this, sir.

You serious?

As serious as the Queen.

Darren and... Courtney?

"Courtney Gripling graciously expects

"your accompaniment to the Sadie Hawkins Dance.

P.S. Keep this a secret so we surprise everyone."

No way.

[crackling and echoing]

Testing, one, two, three, testing...

"Trick your friends with the professional spy's eavesdropping pen."

This little baby will find out

where Mr. Cilia's storing that heart

so we can swipe it.

[knock on door]

You're in enemy territory, Gripling.

Leave now or suffer the consequences.

I want in on "Operation Pinkie", Foutley

or I spill the beans to the : news.

What? And you get the credit for our great idea?

Ooh! That pains me, Carl.

You're not the only one

with a soft spot for that gentle bovine.

I'm prepared to offer the services of Winston and the Rolls

as driver and getaway car, respectively.

That's good, 'cause we were gonna have to take the bus!

What say we call a temporary truce

and combine forces to save

the best little cow in the world?

[door unlocking]

Deal.

What?

I have a favor to request.

Would you mind giving this to Mr. Cilia for me?

Not another present.

It won't help you get a good grade in his class

when you get to junior high.

He doesn't work that way.

This is a strictly professional gesture.

From one scientist to another.

All right.

You're the best, Sis.

I'll try to remember to thank you in a speech someday.

[whistling...]

Um, What would you say if I told you

that the most popular girl in school

asked me to a school dance?

I'd say, "Why are you talking to me

when I'm trying to eat my breakfast?"

I'm serious, Will.

Courtney Gripling.

It's kind of a big deal.

Kid, why you tripping?

Now, you know you got the Patterson blood

flowing all through those veins!

Who's following

in my footsteps now? Who?

Ow! I am.

I can't hear you...!

I am! I am! Please release...

[sniffs] You been wearing Dad's new "Right On!" deodorant?

Yeah...

Now, I bet that

had something to do with it! "Right on!"

Hey, I got the perfect jacket for you to wear

and it'll only cost you ten bucks for the rental.

[sighs] You know, I really love

these non-moments we have, Will.

Right on!

You did tell your brother he can't buy me, right?

About a million times.

Well, tell him I said thanks

and I look forward to having him as a student.

GINGER: You may live

to regret those words.

We're in business, boys!

Now we just got to sit back

and wait for Cilia to tell us where it is.

My Mystery Man struck again.

Wait, wait... [clears throat]

"Leave a ticket for the dance for me

at the front door and I'll pay you back."

[sighs]

Reimbursement is the sign

of a truly adult relationship.

I thought so, too.

You don't think this is someone's idea

of a practical joke, do you?

No way! Who'd be mean enough to do that?

Uh. Be right back.

Mm-hmm... [humming]

Hey, Courtney.

Going to the dance?

Am I? [giggling]

Am I ever.

That's nice.

I hope everyone has a really good time.

And I hope no one's feelings get hurt

because they find out they're just

a victim of a practical joke!

Ginger, am I missing something here?

You didn't ask Darren Patterson to the dance

just to play a trick on him, did you?

Who?

You mean Will.

What?

Uh, I asked

Will Patterson to the dance.

Right... Will.

That's who I meant.

Why would I want to play a practical joke on Will?

You forget I take high school French with him.

He is my dream man.

Promise not to tell anyone.

I want to make a big entrance.

Uh-huh. Sure. No problem.

So... who are you taking?

Um... I might just go by myself.

Oh....

How st century of you.

I don't think I could ever go alone.

[radio crackling]

And I Tr*mp your seven. Game.

Curse those diamonds.

You're stacking the deck, Foutley.

What rhymes with "sweetheart"?

"Blowtorch" kind of does.

CILIA: Darn these cheap beakers!

Quiet!

Why is it always the Science Department

that suffers when the budget's cut?

I hope he eats soup again.

'Cause this is boring.

MAN: Uh... you Cilia?

CILIA: Is that the pig's heart?

MAN: Yep. Where do you want it?

CILIA: Store it in the cafeteria freezer

but make sure you mark it "Mr. Cilia."

Chef Bob's known for his broad definition of "luncheon meats."

MAN: [laughs] Got ya.

Right on schedule!

Men, it's time for Phase Two of Operation Pinkie.

[laughs]

Hey, Darren.

Hi, Darren.

Darren, hi.

Want to hear something really funny? Oh!

Bet I got something

even funnier to tell you.

Uh, hi... um... hi there...

You first.

I should've told you this earlier

but I can't go with you to the dance.

Courtney Gripling asked me!

And I knew you were gonna ask Ian

so when I got the invitation...

Darren, stop.

There's been a huge mix-up.

Courtney didn't mean to ask you to the dance.

Wow... I've heard of being jealous, but, man...

What do you mean?

It's not like we had this set plan

to go to the dance together.

That's not it. It's just that...

Oh, I got it.

You just didn't think that anyone would ask me.

Good ol' Darren.

Always the friend, never the date.

No. You're not letting me finish.

I'm sorry you can't be happy for me.

Darren...

But... Darren...

Oh...

[classical music playing]

Well, what can I say, Miranda?

I look perfect... as usual.

Now, promise to act surprised when I walk in with Will.

[chuckles]

Thanks, B.F.F.!

[beeps off]

Winston, you can bring the car around now.

Winston?

For someone going to a dance

you don't seem too happy.

I know you're kind of the third wheel tonight

but being the third wheel can be fun.

I ought to know.

It's not that.

Darren's going to get humiliated

and maybe have his heart broken all at the same time

and there's nothing I can do about it.

Why not? You two are thick as thieves.

Lately he seems more interested in what his brother has to say.

And the reason you didn't ask Will

to talk to him is because...?

...I didn't even think of it!

Thanks, Mom!

[buzzes]

Yo, Ginger!

You didn't have to get all dressed up

just to come over here and see me.

I'm on my way to the dance, Will.

But I need to talk to you.

You are talking to me.

Will! Courtney's invitation

was meant for you, not Darren.

I tried to tell him but he wouldn't believe me

and now he's standing there waiting

for a girl who's not even interested in him.

In fact, I'm not sure she even knows who he is.

You need to go talk to him.

You serious? Dang.

His head may be metal... but his heart isn't.

That was beautiful, Will.

Nobody crushes my little brother except me.

Let's roll.

Darren, you look great!

That's pretty good.

Thanks. You clean up okay yourself there, Zipper.

Love the hair.

What do you think?

Gorgeous. Oh, except...

There. Now you look perfect.

[chuckles]

Thank you.

Hello, Chet.

Hello, Darren.

Come on, let's go in

before all the cold cuts are gone.

Chet, you seriously over-moussed.

Darren liked it.

Oh... come on, Macie.

You go ahead, Dode.

I'm going to wait a little longer.

Soak in the pre-dance ambiance.

So... do you see her?

Affirmative.

Lemme see!

Ah... she looks good, Carl.

Just make sure that when you go in, no one recognizes you.

Especially your sister.

Gripling?

These will do nicely.

Well, chaps, have fun.

I best be going now.

Miss Courtney is expecting me.

Winston, she shall have to wait a tad.

I need you for a far more important mission.

Oh...

[dance music playing...]

Oh...

Chet! Slow down!

So, Miranda, wanna dance?

Who comes to a dance to dance?

I paid big bucks for this dress

and I don't want to ruin it by having fun.

Okie-dokie.

Name?

Man... comma... Mystery.

Next!

Any sign of the Mystery Man yet, Macie?

Negative. Perhaps it was too much to hope for...

No! He'll be here.

And until he is

Chet will dance with you.

I need a break.

Oh, no, no... that's okay, Chet.

I think I'll just sit this one out.

Oh!

Ah...

Yah...

Good job, Hoods.

Whoa... thrilling.

Positively thrilling.

Come on, Hoods.

Uh... you guys go ahead.

You don't need me anymore, right?

But you're gonna miss out on...

That's okay, Carl.

I'm sure I'll read about it in the papers.

[whimpering...]

Courtney!

Hey, you look great!

'Course you always look great

so, I mean, no big surprise there...

I don't know what happened to Winston.

I mean, he was on call!

I had to walk the whole way.

Were you saying something?

[car stereo thumping]

[gasps] There's Will!

I can't let him see me like this! Oh...

Huh?

Will? What are you doing here?

Looking for you. Hey, bad news.

Know how we thought Dad's deodorant

was working for you?

Well, it isn't.

Courtney's invite was meant for me, not you.

Pretty funny, huh?

But not in a "ha-ha" type of way.

Like I'd ever go to some pre-teen dance anyway! Ha!

Oh!

Sorry, bro.

Maybe some day, when I'm away at college

the invite will be for you.

I'll still need that jacket dry-cleaned

and back in my closet no later than a.m. Peace.

Sorry, Darren.

I tried to tell you, but...

Guess I owe you the biggest apology of my life.

Aw, save it.

I'd rather dance.

Be honest.

Do I look pre-teen?

Take it from an expert-- don't ever listen to Will.

I'm Darren... Will's brother?

You wanna come along to the dance?

With me and Ginger?

No, no, you two go ahead.

I need to freshen up a bit.

[music playing...]

Oh...!

Are you my Mystery Man?

Uh-huh.

So should I call you

"Man" or "Mystery" or...

[deepens voice]: Burl! I'm thinking "Burl Forkenschtok."

[chuckles]

Burl Forkenschtok...

How exotic.

For you.

[snorting sniff]

[slow tune plays]

Um... would you care to dance?

Love to. [chuckles]

I made sure to wear my back brace

so my pesky disk problem wouldn't flare up.

I like your socks.

Thank you, Burl.

Your voice sounds familiar.

Do you go to Lucky Junior High?

Uh... I will someday.

A transfer!

Can't wait!

So how long have you been into frogs?

[music continues...]

Ah... found it!

Blake to Winston. Over.

At your service, sir. Over.

Bring the car around to the cafeteria entrance. Over.

Right away, sir. Over and out.

While we're here, want anything for the road?

Carl, never mind that!

This could be it for Pinkie.

Right. Pinkie.

[romantic tune playing...]

This night rocked really hard

and I'm not just saying that.

I feel the same way, although I may have chosen

to express it somewhat differently.

Oh, he's here!

Come on Chet, let's go... move it!

Hey, watch the lapels.

[normal voice]: Uh... I got to go.

Go? But will I ever see you again?

I... don't know.

[deep voice]: People just wouldn't understand.

[kisses]

Goodbye, Mr. Forkenschtok!

You can just call me Burl...!

[door slams]

Oh, I'm too late!

Who was he?

Burl...

[engine revving, tires squealing]

[rings doorbell]

Fast but within the speed limit for our getaway, Winston.

[tires squealing]

A job well done, Foutley.

You know, perhaps we should

consider future escapades...

Stop right there.

This was only a temporary arrangement.

Tomorrow we go back to being sworn enemies.

Perhaps you're right.

It seems to add a little spice to the salad of life.

Ginger ale?

CARL: Love one.

Man, I didn't get to dance once.

You really lucked out, Patterson.

My date was a total dud.

Oh...

Come on, Miranda, it's a dance.

As in, aren't we ever gonna?

Oh, all right.

Just don't step on my shoes. They're new.

And I want to be able to see the door, so that when...

[all gasp]

Oh, well, thank you.

Courtney, where's...?

I decided to come alone.

KIDS: Whoa...

That is so cool!

Isn't it?

I could start a whole new trend.

[laughs] What am I saying?

Of course I will.

[all exclaim]

You've got to admit, she's pretty good.

Yeah, she is.

[music playing...]

HOODSEY: I like your socks.

MACIE: Thank you, Burl.