02x05 - Trouble In Gal Pal Land

[bunniefuu]

♪ Someone once told me the♪ On the other side r ♪

♪ Well, I paid a visit

♪ While it's possible I missed it ♪

♪ It seemed different yet exactly the same ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

♪Till further notice♪

♪ Till further notice

♪I'm in between♪

♪ I'm in between

♪From where I'm standing♪

♪ From where I'm standing

♪ My grass is green

♪ Someone once told me the grass is much greener ♪

♪ On the other side.

But I want Ginger for my team.

Come on, guys, it's just a game.

It'smyturn to pick andIpick Ginger.

But you hate Ginger.

Of course I hate Ginger.

But let's face it, she can volley

and since this is volleyball...

Miranda, might I remind you

that I have a reputation as a winner to maintain?

And when the sea rises, so do all the little boats.

Well, I'm tired of being a little boat.

I don't even know why we're having this argument

since everyone knows you're going to cave.

I am not.

Ooh, all good friendship settle into a comfortable pattern.

It's why ours is so enduring.

Enduring?

Let's see if it endures this.

I'm picking Ginger, so tough luck.

[gasps]

I think you meant that.

[whistles]

That lie detector's calling to us, Hoods.

It's... it's like the kind I wanted

but I know I can't have it.

Oh, we'd rule fifth grade if we owned it.

Rule, I tell you!

Quit torturing me, Carl.

The point is, we can't afford it.

Well, you know what?

We just got to raise the money.

But how?

We made it just in time, madam.

And congratulations.

It looks like

you'll be running unopposed.

[cackles]

May I?

Please.

That way, I'll have someone to thank when I win.

Besides myself, that is.

President of the Protected Pines Country Club Charity Committee.

Chauffeur to the President

of the Protected Pines Country Club Charity Committee.

Oh. Oh.

Euphrasia!

I'm not too late, am I?

Late?

[cackles]

Wh-Wh-Whatever we should be late for?

Oh... as if you didn't know.

[chuckles]

Phew! What a squeaker.

My résumé.

Oh, didn't you hear?

The Charity Committee's weighing experience heavily this year.

[grunting]

Is that a new tennis outfit, Claire?

Good for you for finding the time to play.

Oh, I wish I could.

Oops! Got to dash.

Skid Row Soup Kitchen duty.

[grunting]

Homemade oxtail!

Au revoir!

Winston...

she called me Claire.

She had no right, no right at all!

And then I heard Mipsy, Mindy and Missy

all sided with Courtney.

It's that Gripling gravitational pull.

Looks like Miranda's out in the cold.

I must say, Ginger, you've been awfully calm about this.

I didn't have anything to do with their fight.

You had everything to do with it.

They fought overyou.

Right. I mean, what if you're, like, cornered

in the Girls' Room with no way out

and they forced you to take sides?

I've heard it could happen.

Well, I'm not taking anyone's side.

I'm just going to mind my own business and eat my lunch.

Ooh! Oh, my gosh, lunch.

Where is Miranda going to sit?

We're about to find out.

[huffing]

Uh-oh.

What?What?

She's going for the condiments.

That means she's...

Stalling.Stalling.

Ginger, you're missing everything.

And you are missing some super-swell baked ziti.

Mmm! Yes, you are, 'cause I'm not taking sides.

[laughing]

She's run out of salad dressings.

And it's too early for the frozen yogurt machine.

Now she'd have to find a place to sit.

Where are you going?

I can't take it anymore.

The tension's k*lling me.

Darren, come back!

It's taken!

[wailing]

So sorry, madam, but your winning

would have been quite a feather in my cap.

Dry your tears, Winston, because I have no intention of losing.

This spark in your voice-- you have an idea?

Euphrasia Weinstein is not the only one

who can impress the Charity Committee

by fattening her résumé.

Of course, you will take up a cause.

Which one?

Helping a destitute individual.

The way your mind works!

CLAIRE: Now I just need to find one.

[panting]

I can't believe we didn't even think of layaway.

It's a good thing Gordon told that long, boring story

about her porcelain figurine collection

and its easy payments.

Yeah. Let's see--

if we put down $ a week

the lie detector will be ours in...

weeks!

Is it me or is that a long time?

Hey, Carl, it's a whole other dollar!

The brakes, madam!

The brakes!

[yelling]

Master Carl!

Master Woodsey!

Its Hoodsey.

Oh, you're not one of the destitute?

Not likely.

We just look that way.

It's just that I've been thinking

about Darren's "cornered in the bathroom" stuff

and it's starting to get to me.

Do you really think Courtney would do something like that?

Uh-huh. That's what I'm thinking.

Oh, Ginger, I hope your inviting Miranda

to sit with you at lunch today

doesn't mean you're on her side.

I didn't invite her, and I'm not on anyone's side.

Ginger!

Were those jalapeños hot or what?

You don't even likejalapeños.

You onlythought I didn't like them.

Look, the whole chair thing at lunch was not my fault.

See? Ginger agrees with me.

This fight is allyourfault, Miranda.

Ginger didn't even want to be on your old team.

W-Wait a minute.

That's not true.

It isn't?

I mean, well...

Look, itwasMiranda's turn to choose.

Whoa, Ginger, she's turned you against me already.

But I forgive you.

Well, Miranda, it looks like

I'll be scouting for a new B.F.F.

Hmm, I wonder who it'd be.

I have so many friends to choose from.

Yeah? Well, I'm scouting, too

and I've already lined up a possible candidate: Ginger!

[all gasp]

What?

But you said yoAnd you believed me?

A-ha, a-ha, a-ha!

I never really hated you.

Just disliked you intensely.

There's a big difference.

There is?

Huge. Besides, this is all your fault, Ginger.

Myfault?

If you hadn't stuck up for me

I wouldn't be in this predicament.

Now I owe my loyalty to you

and how awful is that going to be for me?

You're so selfish.

So, should we go to your place after school?

They're spraying for silverfish at mine.

CLAIRE: Let me see if I have this.

One of you will pose as a poor orphan boy

to help me win the election if I pay you $..

Plus tax and delivery.

Too much?

[chortling]

Too much?

Ooh, that is rich, Master Carl.

It's just that...

[chuckles]

Well, it sounds an awful lot like cheating.

Winston, talk to her.

Well, madam, the way I see it, people cheat

but the Griplings use cunning.

MACIE: But I thought you didn't want

to get involved.

I know this is going to sound crazy

but I kind of feel sorry for her.

Wearetalking about Miranda, right?

The only person who can make the clarinet sound bitter?

Guys, put yourself in her place.

All of a sudden, she's friendless.

I think there's a reason for that:

No one likes her.

Macie, Ginger's right.

She needs us.

We'll be calling the sh*ts for once.

She won't even know how to function without Courtney.

She'll be as docile as a lamb.

...and then the hall monitor blabbed

and the girl was sohumiliated

she had to transfer schools!

[laughs]

That's not a very nice story.

Oh...

What Macie means is, if you can't say anything nice

you shouldn't say anything at all.

Oh...

Miranda, I think what they both mean

is that you should try saying something nice.

But I've never said anything nice.

Never? In your entire life?

Not even to your mom and dad?

Do you have a problem with that?

Uh-uh.

I bet you could say something nice if you tried.

Well...

Your bedroom isn't nearly

as lame as I thought it would be, Ginger.

Whew! Well, I'm never doing that again.

Don't you think

"plucked from the gutter" sounds overly dramatic?

I believe the correct term is "melodramatic."

Everybody is a critic.

I slaved over those lines.

Yeah, butIgot to sell 'em.

And how can I if I don't feel ithere?

Hmm...

Perhaps if you didn't rush the delivery.

And how come I have to be the poor orphan boy

while you sell yourself as my "handler"?

I don't even know what that is.

I'm too robust-looking, Hoods

while you're the picture of pathetic.

An-And I mean that as a compliment

because that's exactly what's going to earn us a lie detector.

Oh, the Committee's here!

Now, how are you at a tubercular cough?

He can phlegm it up with the best of them, Claire, trust me.

And I think double-breasted makes me look portly.

Mom!

Yo-ho, Mom!

Ginger?Hey, Mom.

Oh, hey.

If we don't all fit

you can always take the bus.

Hi, Mrs. Foutley.

Hi, Dodie.

Hello, Mrs. F.

Macie, hi.

Miranda.

I'll explain everything later.

Ging, do you think you can push your seat up?

I've got long legs, you know?

[groaning]

[Hoodsey sobbing]

Oh, and there I was in the gutter with a dollar

clutched in my grimy hand

when Mrs. Gripling plucked me from my terrible life

and decided through the goodness of her heart to sponsor me.

Oh...

CROWD: Aw... aw...

We need to pick up trunks before I show you the pool.

What's it going to cost me?

Because I'm not poster swimmer au naturel.

It doesn't cost anything

and we don't do anything here au naturel.

Two towels and a pair of junior executive swim trunks, please.

That's it?

An-And you get to keep the stuff?

All that's required is the Gripling signature.

Now, if you'll follow me.

All you have to do is sign the Gripling name

and you can get whatever you want.

It's like having a credit card

without the hassle of monthly payments.

But, Carl, you don't even like terry cloth

and you totally missed my performance.

I rocked!

Part of me thinks that...

WINSTON: Blimey, gents, it worked!

The mistress has been elected

President of the Charity Committee

by an overwhelming majority.

[sobbing]: I've never been so happy.

[honking]

Now, that's just swell, Winston.

Well, our job here is done.

There's just a small matter of the... check.

Yes, of course.

Mrs. Gripling is so pleased

she's giving you a bonus: permanent membership

under the auspices of the Gripling name--

her very first act of charity as Committee President.

Permanent membership?

Hoods, we're in!

Everything's only a signature away.

I... I don't even know where to start.

But, Carl, what about...

Compliments of the Charity Committee.

That's like all we can eat, right?

[phone ringing]

Wha... What?

Uh-huh.

I didn't wake you up, did I?

Miranda?

Why are you calling?

It's the middle of the night.

Tell me about it.

I can't sleep.

Well, what do you want me to do about it?

Courtney usually reads to me

fromTropical Fish World magazine.

You wouldn't happen to have a copy lying around, would you?

No, I wouldn't.

Oh.

Then why don't you just

tell me about your hopes and dreams?

That ought to put me out.

Chaps, the new golf carts are in.

What say we commandeer a couple

and terrify them out at the tenth hole?

I got to work on my tan.

And I just put in a beverage order.

Tan? Beverage order?

Gents, I'm talking golf carts--

moving vehicles that don't require driver's licenses!

Maybe later.

After our sauna.

Carl? Hoodsey?

Can it really be you?

She called you guys, too?

Yeah, she was reconfirming an appointment

to go over my colors next Tuesday.

I'm supposed to be rethinking them.

I'll be taking notes.

Well, she couldn't sleep.

So she made sure you couldn't either.

What's that supposed to mean?

Who's running the show around here?

I am. I mean, we are.

I mean... aren't we?

Hey! What...

Darren?

Miranda, what are you doing?

You nearly knocked Darren off.

DARREN: She did knock me off.

And just why wasn't I told about this little meeting?

It's a good thing I'm naturally suspicious

or I would have completely missed it.

[groaning]

She says she owes me

but she's acting like I owe her

and, okay, maybe I felt a little sorry for her at first

but now she's totally invaded my life.

Felt sorry for her, huh?

I mean, you weren't letting her hang out with you

'cause you're looking to boss her around

for a change, are you?

You know, for all those times she bossed you

and now you're mad 'cause

things haven't worked out the wayyouwanted.

No, that's totally...

Dead-on.

[chuckling evilly]

Carl?

Mm-hmm?

Were we supposed to do something?

Uh, can't think of anything.

Me neither.

In fact, it's kind of weird.

I haven't thought about anything for a while.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

Oh, well.

Want to go for a salt rub when we're done here?

Uh-huh.

Miranda...

I think it's time that I...

Don't tell me.

I've already heard.

You've already heard what?

That Courtney and Mipsy are having "B.F.F." bracelets made.

I can't believe it!

They are?

Sterling.

Well, ours will be karat.

Ours?

Well, there's just no way

I'm going through the rest of junior high

without a B.F.F.

We're making things permanent.

Permanent?

And you'll definitely have to get a pager.

I have to be able to reach you -.

Uh...

Page me.

We never even had B.F.F. bracelets made.

We didn't want to confuse the paramedics

'cause of my medical alert bracelet, remember?

We've got to figure out a way

to get her and Courtney to make up.

I mean, if I tell her straight out

we don't want her hanging out with us...

She'll just twist whatever you say around

and make it work for her.

How does she do that?

Why don'twedo that?

And anyway, everyone knows

the only reason she's hanging out with us

is because she's desperate.

I didn't mean that how it sounded.

Hey...

You have an idea?

Maybe I do, maybe I don't.

I do.

There's to be absolutely no talking

during this pop quiz

on the Louisiana Purchase.

[yawning]

I don't even think I could say "Louisiana Purchase."

You just did, but I get your point.

If I catch anyone cheating

it's an a*t*matic F, as in Foutley.

Wouldn't it be cool if we owned something that, like

could tell if you cheated?

Yeah, like a...

BOTH: Lie detector!

[brakes screeching]

What do you mean

everyone says I settled for you?

I could have picked anyone.

It's just that I owed you.

Well, I believe you, but...

I don't want people thinking that I'm desperate

which I am not.

I mean, that would make me pathetic

which I'm not either.

I'm going to have to transfer schools!

Wouldn't it just be easier to make up with Courtney?

What about Mipsy and those B.F.F. bracelets?

Come on, Mipsy's no competition for you.

Mm-hmm, yeah, that's true.

Of course, I can't just make up like that.

It's going to take some finessing.

I could help if you want.

You'd do that for me?

Sure.

I'm not going to owe you again, right?

No, no, no, no, no.

Oh, good.

I don't think I could handle it.

All right, but whatever you do

don't make me look needy.

Hoods! What have we done!

It was the only used lie detector in town!

And you know what they cost new?

Thousands.

We let ourselves get...

Soft. ...soft.

Country club life has completely dulled our edge.

I couldn't help it, Carl.

Everyone felt sorry for me, kept giving me stuff.

And I kept signing for stuff.

I thought I was getting it for free

but I really wasn't.

We've paid a heavy price, my friend.

Congratulations, Courtney.

I hear you and Mipsy

are having friendship bracelets made.

[giggling]

Well, actually, that was just

a rumor I floated to annoy Miranda.

Sometimes it helps in order to get her to come around.

Come around?

Oh, guess you haven't heard--

she's transferring schools.

What? She can't do that!

Then I'll have to transfer schools!

But what about Mipsy?

Please.

It's like choosing shaving over waxing.

Sounds like you want to make up with Miranda.

Between you and me

it's not like I don't realize

that sometimes I take her for granted.

Do you think if I apologize...?

I forgive you.

B.F.F.

[squealing]

Cor!

Miranda!

How should we handle this?

I mean, it's important we both save face.

Uh, why don't you just pretend the fight never happened?

Denial! Perfect!

It always works for Mama and Daddy.

It always works for Mama and Daddy.

Share a decaf latte in the cafeteria?

Love to.

I've been so bored.

Oh, I bet.

[sighs]

[all gasping]

[laughing nervously]

Robert Joseph Bishop, a patient of your husband's?

He told me he was a... a street urchin.

[sobbing]

What?

It's not like we didn't work for it.

No, Carl.

We have to give it back.

It's $, Hoods!

But they fired Mrs. Gripling.

It wouldn't be right.

We could put it in the bank--

try to find another used lie detector

or pull some scheme at the Country Club.

Carl, I've had time to reflect.

We lied to get a lie detector, and then didn't get it.

The big guy's sending us a message here

and I don't know about you

but when the big guy sends a message

I try to pay attention.

You're kind of my moral rudder, aren't you, Hoods?

HOODSEY: It's like I don't know what you'd do without me.

I've never been so happy!

That's just swell, Winston.