03x04 - Wicked Game

[bunniefuu]

♪ Someone once told me th♪ On the other side. r ♪

♪ Well, I paid a visit

♪ While it's possible I missed it ♪

♪ It seemed different yet exactly the same ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

♪Till further notice♪

♪ Till further notice

♪I'm in between♪

♪ I'm in between

♪From where I'm standing♪

♪ From where I'm standing

♪ My grass is green.

♪ Someone once told me the grass is much greener ♪

♪ On the other side.

RADIO ANNOUNCER: Good morning, Sheltered Shrubs.

: on what promises to be a glorious day.

Good-looking sunrise.

Did you see it?

High today in the mid-s should feel pretty darn good.

We got our commercial-free morning block coming right up.

Oh, and this just in: Ginger Foutley returns

to Lucky Junior High today.

[radio alarm goes off]

Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh!

Today's the day we've been waiting for!

Oh, I can't wait to say those three little words.

Welcome back, Ginger.

I really missed you... honest.

[spits]

I don't think I'm ever going to get

the taste of that lie out of my mouth.

Oh, I'd better hurry, I don't want to miss...

Ginger Foutley addressing those ugly rumors

that have been spreading about her.

Hello? What rock have you been living under?

Of course, there have been ugly rumors spreading about her.

I should know-- I'm the one who's been spreading them.

Okay, now, when we see her, one of us should hug her

while the other one says, "Welcome home, Ginger.

We really missed you."

Agreed.

So who should take the first hug?

What if we hug and greet together?

You mean at the same time?

I'm asking.

No, we might mess up our outfit

or something.

It has to be one hug at a time.

Then I think it should be you.

Okay, now, when we get to Foutley's locker,

I'll throw her a dirty look,

and you say, "Welcome home, Ginger,"

real sarcastic like.

Maybe I should throw her the dirty look,

and you should say...

That's insane.

Everybody knows my dirty looks

are the dirtiest.

Ow!

Look where you're going!

Sorry, Miranda.

Thereshe is.

Ginger! Wel-welcome...

Hug?

Dodie, first, then Macie...

MIRANDA: Really glad to...

Foutley?!

Totally dissed.

I don't think she even saw us.

Who does Foutley think she is?

GINGER: You guys, over here!

[girls muttering]

Hi.Hi!

Oh...

I'm really glad to see you guys.

Hey, what's up, kids?

See you're wearing Darren's shirt there.

Actually, I haven't taken it off

since he sent it to me.

Gross.

[chuckles]

So, we tried to surprise you

at your locker this morning.

Really?

Yeah, but I guess

we were too late.

Oh.

We saw you in the hallway, though.

You did?

But you didn't see us.

Oh.

Well, I... see you now.

Yeah.

ZORSKI: Let's move inside, people.

Can we have Ginger Foutley up on the stage please?

Well, I guess I'd better get up there, huh?

Sure.

You'd better, yep...

get up there.

Um...

so... see you at lunch, huh?

Where's he going?

MIRANDA: Ooh, Ginger, yoohoo!

[gasps]

She did it again.

How am I supposed to drop the dirty look

if she won't even make eye contact!?

It's like she doesn't even notice we exist!

This is getting way out of hand.

[squawks]

One, two, three... spit!

Oh...

I win!

[all gasp]

Polly Schuster,

enchantress of the school yard.

I win, Sussman!

Hand them over [squawks] now!

Oh...

One more game, Polly,

if you dare.

If I dare?!

I b*at you three times.

You lost your shoe, your belt

and your ability to see.

What's next, your self-respect?!

[squawks]

[all gasp]

I've one thing left to wager with.

It's highly valuable,

and it can't be store-bought.

You what?!

I lost you in a bet, Carl.

I'm sorry.

You used me... as a gambling chip?

Yes.

Me, my person?

Yes, Carl, affirmative.

To sum up, I feel like a toad.

You lost me in a bet.

She lost you in a bet, Carl!

Yes! Jeez!

How many times

does she have to say it?!

This is unbelievable.

And what happened to your shoe?

And your glasses?

That's not important now.

What's important is that you are now property

of Polly Schuster starting Friday at the stroke of :

and pretty much through the weekend, I'm afraid.

"Property of Polly"?

What's she going to do with me?

She's going to force you to dress up like a bird

and play Parrot World.

"Parrot World"!?

It's a game she made up.

But she has no friends to play it with.

Polly is obsessed with birds.

Her whole family is.

That's why they named her

"Polly [squawks] Schuster."

Oh, this can't be happening.

But it is, I'm afraid.

And I've only myself to blame.

Good-bye, Carl.

[sighs]

[grunts]

Noelle!

How will I know which one's Polly?

She's the one... who smells like birdseed.

What's he doing up on stage with her?

It's like she doesn't go anywhere without him.

And their school day is structured

really differently.

It's more like college.

Are you seeing this?

There's an entire assembly devoted to her.

Okay, that's it.

We have to knock her down a notch.

Ginger, let's take one more.

Ask her something embarrassing.

Um, Iris, in the back.

Did you see that?

She totally snubbed me... again!

Mark my words,

she's going down like theTitanic.

And the first thing we need is two extra captains

to help sink the ship.

[laughs evilly]

When I found her, her parka was red and her lips were blue.

I had to think quickly.

Not only was she in danger,

but it was a major fashion emergency.

[light applause]

Man, it's nice to be missed,

but this is getting embarrassing.

We're really glad you're here.

Without Darren.

Oh, it's just that we were hoping

to spend a little girl time together.

Ladies.

Madame.

GINGER: Hi, sweetie.

Look-- saved you my corn.

What if one of us wanted your corn?

Ever think of that?

MACIE: Good gravy, woman,

it's a nutritionally- useless starch.

Not the point, Macie, not the point.

It would have been nice to be offered.

Do you want the corn, Dodie?

Not from you!

Fromher!

Want it?

No, thank you!

Um... look, guys,

about what we were discussing before Darren got here,

why don't we do it after school at my place today?

Just the three of us.

That would be nice.

Thank you very much.

Thank you.

And thank you, both.

What would you do?

Dump her.

Dump who?

Noelle-- then you're not her boyfriend anymore,

and she can't trade you.

She didn't exactly trade me, Hoods.

Trade you, lose you, gamble you away like a worthless...

And the point is, if I bag out, I disgrace Noelle.

And becoming property of Polly isn't disgraceful?

Huh, when did you start wearing deodorant?

Spending the weekend at my Aunt Myrna's pig farm

means a lot of physical labor, okay?

Now, can we drop it?

Yeah.

Anyhoo, I guess I'll just serve the time

and chalk this whole thing up

as one of those crazy things I did for love.

Just try to keep it below radar, you know.

Agreed, no one needs to know that I'll be spending my weekend

in feathers and a strap-on beak

playing Parrot World with Polly.

Isn't this nice girl time?

Just us girls, the three of us.

Yeah.

Okay, so tell me everything

starting with what happened to Thea

and ending with how your hair got back to normal.

DARREN: Surprise!

Oops, sorry to interrupt.

I just wanted a little advice on something.

We were right in the middle of talking.

Take a hike.Dodie.

Just one quick question, ladies,

and I promise I'm out of your hair.

See, I'm professing my undying love for Ginger

on the side of my canvas hightops,

but which side looks better,

"G+D ever" or "D+G ever"?

I like the "D+G."

Oh, who cares? Who cares?

Who cares? Who cares?

Who cares?!

Dodie, I care, okay?

Look... let's talk about this later, Darren.

We have to finish catching up

and... I need to talk to Dodie.

Okay, babe.

I'll talk to you later.

You say "bye" first.

GINGER: No...

you say "bye" first.

No,you.

No, you say it.

[door slams]

I guess Dodie said "bye" first

only she did it without saying "bye."

You follow?

Who exactly does Darren Patterson think he is,

planting himself right smack in the middle of our friendship?

And Ginger is letting him!

I supposeDarrenwill be in on our nightly phone calls

andDarrenwill be consulted on outfit planning.

If he thinks he's taking over my territory,

he's got another thing coming.

MIRANDA: I'm with you, girlfriend.

Miranda?

Mipsy?

What are you guys doing,

besides catching up on dental hygiene?

We're here to join you in your effort

to kick Darren Patterson to the curb.

What do you mean?

We know you want him out of the picture,

and you know you want him out of the picture.

The only thing left to decide...

Is how to get him out of the picture.

I don't want to betray Ginger.

But she's left you no choice.

Ever since she got home, it's...

Darren this and Darren that.

It's almost as if she has...

Darrenitis?

And I just wish there was a way

I could give her...

A Darrenectomy?

Wow! It's so easy to talk to you guys.

We take great pride in that.

Thanks, you two.

I really just want

to get my best friend back.

We understand, and we intend to help.

Want to see my room?

We'd like nothing better.

And now it's just a matter of time

before Foutley finds her little bowl of cherries

has turned into the pits.

Cherry preserves?

Ooh, double drats.

DODIE: Listen, Macie,

if they break up, things will be normal.

I don't know...

Everyone benefits in the long run, Lightfoot.

Now, the plan is to get Patterson to dump Foutley

and get back together with me.

[gasps]

Courtney![gasps]

Uh... we-we were just...

Trying out new hairstyles with the hand dryer.

[hand dryer blowing]

[gasps]

Innovative, to say the least.

Won't you excuse me?

[hand dryer stops blowing]

[begins blowing]

Meet in the south stairwell

after lunch.

[hand dryer continues blowing]

Everyone knows what to do.

I pour it on thick,

and you two play the friend card.

T.G.I.F., gents.

Any big weekend plans?

Hanging with my aunt and her pigs.

Oh, same old, same old.

Why, whatever does that mean, Foutley?

It means I haven't got any big plans.

I'll probably just sit around and count my nose hairs.

Dig?

That sounds ducky, Carl, just ducky.

Or should I say "birdie"?

[grunting]

MIRANDA: Dropped your scrunchy.

Uh, it's not mine; it's Ginger's.

Wow! Keeping stuff in each other's lockers.

Things must be serious.

Uh... yeah.

Too bad things never got that serious with us.

You got something in your eye, Miranda?

[giggles]

Just you, Shmoobaka.

Well, uh, got to run.

See you.

[sighs]

She said she called him last night.

Whomever do you mean?

Fred, that cool guy

who had the hots for her up at Avalanche Arts.

Why, hello there, Darren.

Dodie and I did not see you there

overhearing our conversation.

Hey, D.

Hi.

How's your day?

Weird.

Miranda just totally vibed me out at my locker

a few minutes ago.

And she's acting like she's in love with me.

I guarantee she's just doing it

since she knows we're together.

She's probably just trying to tick me off.

Oh, really?

Couldn't possibly be

that she actually likes me, huh?

Darren, that's not what I...

No, no, after all, what happened between us

was nowhere near as special

as what happened between you and Fred.

Fred?

What's he got to do with this?

Ask them!

[groans]

What just... happened?

Then he stormed off

without even touching his corn!

He's really mad.

Oh, this is too good.

Then why do I feel like I'm going to ralph ravioli

all over my shoes?

That's to be expected from a first-timer.

Mm-hmm.

It's guilt associated

with betraying your best friend.

Wears off after a couple hundred times.

Great.

What's next?

Ginger calls Fred, leaves him a message,

asks him to call her back, more trouble ensues.

But Ginger would never call...

I got the number to his dorm

from my cousin Thea.

Call now while he's at class.

MIRANDA: It's programmed.

Just hit "send."

[touch tones beeping]

Hi, Fred, it's Ginger... Foutley.

I've been missing you a lot, so call me back, okay?

MIRANDA: That was great!

MIPSY: You sounded just like her!

Oh, my gosh, those little witches!

They're totally undoing her.

I've got to warn Ginger.

NOELLE: Monster movies--

you should have plenty of them.

And he likes root beer!

[squawks]

There's no monster movies or root beer

in Parrot World, Noelle.

Now, get out of my way!

Where is Carl Foutley?!

[squawks]

Ginger...

let me fix you a half-caf mochaccino low-fat latté.

You're going to need it.

Thanks, Courtney.

So, what's up?

Drive, Winston.

Ginger, I'm afraid I'm your only true friend in the world.

Cinnamon?

What?

Your best friends,

Dodie and Macie,

are in cahoots with Miranda and Mipsy.

They're out to ruin your relationship with Darren.

You've got to be kidding.

I wish I were, but I'm not.

More foam?

Why would my best friends want to ruin

something that makes me really happy?

Why do they make children's aspirin

so difficult for small children to open?

Actually, Courtney, they do that...

My point is this: there is no greater fury

than that of a B.F.F. scorned.

Whether you believe it or not,

yours are conspiring against you.

Multi-colored sprinkles?

I'm sorry, Courtney, I just can't believe this.

Don't take my word.

Be by your phone tonight,

and we'll three-way call Miranda,

and I'll get her to confess.

I hope you're wrong, Courtney.

I'm not.

Did you want that latté in a to-go cup?

You're a blue-front amazon.

I'm a scarlet macaw.

O-kay.

No, I'm an African grey.

You're a blue-and-gold macaw.

Whatever.

POLLY: I'm a blue-front,

and you're a cockatoo,

and we're fighting for the same nesting branch!

CARL: Fine by me, Polly.

Behold...

Parrot World!

[squawks]

Uh, hate to burst your bubble,

but it just looks like a crummy backyard to me.

Carl Foutley, Parrot World is not here, it's here.

Now look again!

CARL: Hmm... nope.

Don't see it.

[squawks]

Look again!

[Carl gasps]

I see it!

[squawks]

[both squawking]

[laughing sinisterly]

Oh, this shall be your undoing, Foutley.

You mark my words.

[camera flashes]

Look, Ginger, I'm sorry if I overreacted...

[phone rings, answering machine clicks]

GINGER [on tape]: Hi, it's Ginger, leave me a message.

FRED [on phone]: Ginger, it's Fred.

Man, it was good to hear your voice.

I really miss you, too.

I wasn't sure how you felt when you left,

but after your message...

Darren, what are you...

It's Fred, returning your call.

He misses you, too.

What?

I didn't call Fred.

FRED: Can't wait to talk to you.

Oh, my gosh... then it's true.

That sounds like it should be my line.

Courtney says Dodie and Macie are trying to break us up.

I think they're behind this whole Fred thing.

Are you serious?

Oh, Darren, I don't know what to think.

Hello, Carl.

Uh, Noelle...

What are you doing here?

Did you have fun tonight?

No.

Promise?

Of course, she's... nuts.

But you like nuts, don't you, Carl?

Some nuts, not all.

Macadamia nuts?

They're all right.

I got your glasses back for you.

[gasps]

Carl!

Then you do care!

[Noelle kissing]

Uh... I'm over here.

If you had fun with Polly Schuster,

you could tell me, you know.

I know.

Okay then.

Just two more days, and it's over.

Yep, can't wait.

[squawks]

[phone rings]

Hello?

It's show time, Ginger.

And please don't think I take any form of joy

in presenting this unfortunate information to you.

I truly don't.

I know, Courtney.

Thanks.

Now, mute your phone,

so Miranda doesn't hear you breathing.

[touch tones beeping]

Hello.

Miranda, this is Courtney.

[touch tones beeping]

Courtney... what's up?

Let me cut to the chase.

I know what you girls are up to,

I overheard you talking in the bathroom,

and I want in.

Glad to hear you've come to your senses, Courtney.

So, what's the next part of the plan?

Hold on, let me patch in dumb and dumber,

so we can get you up to speed.

[touch tones beeping]

Hello.

Hi, Deirdre Hortense, it's Miranda.

I got Courtney Gripling on the line.

Greetings.

And she wants in on operation G minus D.

Really?

That's correct.

So where are we to date?

Okay, well, see, I placed a call to this guy Fred,

pretending to be Ginger.

Sounded just like her, actually.

I never thought Dodie was much of an actress,

so the surprise was mine.

Anyhoo, I think he's going to call her back,

which should really stir things up

between her and Darren.

[touch tones beeping]

Thanks, Courtney, I've heard enough.

Thatwas Ginger?

It was an ambush.

Macie?

That was Ginger.

What have we done?

Maybe we should try and see it

from their point of view.

Maybe they just felt so crazy jealous.

Darren, stop.

Would you ever do something like this to a friend,

no matter how hurt or upset you were?

No.

I-I wouldn't.

BLAKE: How terribly romantic.

Perhaps Noelle Sussman would be interested in seeing this.

I say I have my card, Carl Foutley.

Now I simply have to decide when best to play it.

[laughs sinisterly]

[phone rings, answering machine clicks]

GINGER [on tape]: Hi, it's Ginger, leave me a message.

DODIE [on phone]: Ginger, are you there?

Ginger, please pick up.

Look, I know you don't want to talk to me right now,

and I don't blame you,

but I have so many things that I want to say,

starting with... I amsosorry.

COURTNEY: Why do they make children's aspirin

so difficult for small children to open?