♪ Well, I paid a visit
♪ While it's possible I missed it ♪
♪ It seemed different yet exactly the same ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
♪Till further notice♪
♪ Till further notice
♪I'm in between♪
♪ I'm in between
♪From where I'm standing♪
♪ From where I'm standing
♪ My grass is green.
♪ Someone once told me the grass is much greener ♪
♪ On the other side.
[steam hisses]
[sniffs]
Good looking out, dawg.
[sips]
Hey, what the...
[grunting]
After I'd finally memorized my whole, big, confusing schedule,
they issued me a new one.
Oh!
Oh!
GINGER: I got a call from my guidance counselor this morning.
They rearranged my entire day.
Oh, my gosh.
Ginger, did you happen to notice
who your first-period teacher is?
Lucifer.
Zorski.
It's Ms. Zorski.
Says so right here.
Is it possible she transferred?
Why wouldn't she have told us?
I don't know, but this is definitely good news.
I could use a little something working
to my advantage right now.
At first Winston thought it was residue
from the maize-colored cashmere vest
I'd been sporting one cool summer eve.
But, no, it was merely the confirmation of my manhood...
...sprouted plainly on my chest
for all the world to see.
[vomiting]
Dousing the pavement with faux disgorge--
a boyish prank, Foutley.
Sometimes the big guy upstairs really baffles me.
It's like, did Gripling need another reason
to feel superior?
I give props where props are due, bro.
Then get ready
to give props to me, Carl Foutley.
I know who you are.
The Gripling name may have held some prestige
on the elementary playing field,
but in junior high, it's all about the Foutleys.
Ginger was twice the student Courtney was,
and I intend to ride that wave.
MILTY: Boys!
Milty, might I preempt?
Hoodsey and I would just like to say
that we are pleased as punch
to find ourselves once again under your highly competent...
Can it, Carl.
Can it, mark it down, put it on display
in a highly visible sales kiosk.
I'm still not buying.
I want you boys to know that I'm not some old softy
like I was back in my elementary-school days.
I run a tight ship now.
Shipshop.
I think it's shipshape, sir.
My point is this:
I don't want any monkey business from you two.
Shucks, we've been out of the monkey business for years now.
You can hardly get anything for them.
I mean it, Carl.
That's precisely why I'm taking time out of my busy day
to walk your file around
to each and every one of your new teachers.
Uh, technically, isn't that leading the jury, sir?
I don't believe this!
Excuse you.
I'm sorry, I was looking for Ms. Zorski.
Well, you found her.
No, another Ms. Zorski.
MyMs. Zorski.
A teacher.
Beg my pardon.
No, no, I just mean I thought you were someone else.
Let me guess.
You're an ex-student of Eleanor's.
My cousin and I have nothing in common except the last name,
so don't look for any special treatment here.
We don't see eye to eye on anything,
including what makes a good student.
So if you don't want a nasty blemish
on that squeaky-clean little transcript of yours,
I suggest you take a seat
and prepare to prove yourself.
Ms. Zorski, Carl Foutley, here.
How are you doing?
Oh, no, please don't get up.
We've met before.
You were in my living room once,
and you love my sister, Ginger.
We're practically kin--
you and I, not she and I.
I'm afraid it's too late, Carl.
Milty already got to me,
and while I hate to jump to conclusions about anyone,
I feel I would be remiss if I didn't say
what you did to that remedial-math class,
that was wrong, Carl.
[sighs]
Chapters one through five.
Papers on my desk by morning.
Purchase supplies and have project proposals ready.
I don't know how anyone keeps up.
GIRL: Slight frown, now pucker and blot.
GIRL: I was crashing and I didn't think
I'd make it to the end of the day.
So did you Mocoloco?
You know it, baby.
Took it with a sh*t of espresso,
and practically flew to school.
I can't tell you how many times
the Frothinator saved my butt.
GINGER: Mocoloco Frothinator.
Mocoloco Frothinator.
Mocoloco Frothinator?
Oh, please.
Indulge in the tall, foamy drink
you so richly deserve.
Mocoloco Frothinator!
Got it from Aunt Portia three Fridays ago.
Not supposed to wear it to school anyway.
Don't want to get in b-i-g trouble.
I'll take the heat.
It's inevitable anyway.
No matter what I do, I'm going to be knee-deep in it.
Knee-deep in what?
BLAKE: Manure.
Steaming heaps of it, if you ask me.
You may sing a song of self-pity,
but you're no victim, Carl Foutley.
Don't you have chest hairs to groom?
Oh, naturally you're peeved because Milty blew your cover,
and now the teachers know you're trouble,
and you can't ride your sister's coattails.
It's, like, how does he do it?
It just so happens that I was on the verge
of becoming a good student, Gripling.
Oh?
And now it's all ruined,
so you've the green light to run amok, is that it?
[chuckles snidely]
All you're looking for,
all you're ever looking for,
is an excuse to be rotten!
My analyst says you can't rationalize evil.
Evil?
Rotten?
No, if I were pressed,
I'd characterize Carl as a bad boy with a heart of gold.
Wrong.
Wrong, wrong, wrong and wrong.
I can be plenty good when I want to be.
And guess what.
I want to be.
So the three of you and your mothers
and your shrinks and the entire Lucky Junior High faculty
are going to eat your words,
because Carl Foutley is on a good streak starting now!
[crash]
I'm going to go clean that up.
CARL: Thing of it is, even bad dogs
can be good, Mr. B.
May I call you Mr. B.?
I'll take it you're indifferent.
You know, once you get to know me,
I'm an absolute angel.
Honest.
I... I'm honor roll from here on out.
Stay out of my way, Carl Foutley,
and I'll stay out of yours.
Oh, say, Mr. B.,
you left the science lab freezer... wide open there.
Oh.
Oh... so forbidden.
So very off limits.
Oh, Gripling's right about me.
I just can't be good.
Nothing growing.
No odor detectable.
And now we'll see who laughs last, Carl Foutley,
for my daughter Jessica was in that remedial-math class,
and so an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.
[laughs sinisterly]
Uh, yeah, um, let me get a Mocoloco Frothinator.
Frothinator?
Right.
Niño or grande?
Grande.
Extra grande.
We only have grande.
Oh, that's cool.
[machine whirrs loudly]
[loudly]: I was thinking of going
for the extra side of espresso!
Not for a first-timer.
It's pretty intense.
[machine stops]: I'm a pretty intense girl!
Here goes.
Remind me again why Ginge isn't gracing us.
My guess: too busy, not hungry,
on the phone with Darren or all of the above.
[speaking rapidly]: Hi, how was dinner?
My turn to clear.
I'll let them soak, and come back to scrub.
Talk to you later.
Nobody disturb me.
Well, uh, you ready for dessert?
[writing quickly, pages flipping]
[phone rings]
Hi, Darren.
I'm totally swamped.
I want to hear your football anecdote,
but can it wait until tomorrow?
Thanks, bye.
[yawns]
Oh, my gosh.
It's after midnight.
[yawning]: Forgot the dishes.
You will make coffee for me.
Now!
Oh, drip, darn you.
Drip, drip, drip.
[Ginger sighs loudly]
Jeez, Ginge, you scared the living daylights out of me.
What the heck are you doing here?
I live here, Ma.
Thanks, kid, but it's after :.
I thought you were in school already.
It's after
Are you serious?
It's after :!
I overslept.
I totally overslept.
Oh, my gosh.
This is awful.
This is terrible.
I missed her class.
The evil new Zorski is going to k*ll me.
"Evil new Zorski?"
It's a long story.
Mom, please say you'll write me a sick note.
Absolutely not, Ginger.
Writing a sick note when your kid isn't sick
is just bad karma.
And as a member of the health-care community,
it's totally unethical besides.
Oh, then kiss me good-bye
before you leave today,
because one thing's for sure-- I'm dead.
Class, yesterday I made the unfortunate mistake
of leaving the science-lab freezer unlocked.
Oh, he's massaging his temples, Carl.
It's got to be serious.
It's very serious, R.J.,
very serious, indeed.
You see, the specimen that was tampered with
was a deadly specimen.
You mean it could k*ll you?
That's precisely what deadly means, Brandon, yes.
It contained one of the most infectious diseases known to man.
I was housing the sample for a friend
who was working on a cure, but to no avail.
You mean, he couldn't come up with a cure?
To no avail, that's correct.
That said, if anyone has any information about the poor fool
who may have been in contact with the virus,
I ask that you come forward at once,
for this person's life is in grave danger.
You mean...
Let's see.
Who, then, would be reckless enough
to tamper in a restricted area clearly marked "off limits"?
Hmm.
Mr. Briggs, I guess it would be fair to say
that whoever that poor fool is,
well, he's finally going to be getting
what he deserves, sir.
Precisely right, Carl Foutley.
Precisely right, indeed.
He has hours left to live.
I'll just tell her I was late
because I'm on a new diet-- an iron-rich diet, yeah,
and those can be very constipating,
which is precisely why I was stuck in the head.
What is wrong with you, Ginger?
You're wearing the same outfit you wore yesterday.
And you seem a little high-strung.
I'm trying to keep my energy level at an all-time high,
so that I have the upper hand when I talk to Ms. Zorski.
Hey, let me tell you something, Ginger.
None of the pep-squad girls drink anything
to boost their peppiness.
Hey, that wasn't even finished yet.
Please tell me you're not going for the trash.
I wasn't going for the trash.
[yells]
If this is to be your last hours on earth,
then I suggest you make it the best hours ever.
That means stopping to smell each and every rose,
righting every wrong.
Do I know you?
Ms. Zorski, I'm so sorry
I missed your class this morning.
I'm taking iron.
Here's last night's homework.
It won't happen again.
Honest.
Extra-credit report.
First of all, I do not accept extra-credit reports.
Second of all, I do not accept lame excuses.
And third of all, my time is precious,
so I do not spend it deciphering chickenscratch
from lazy freshmen.
Garbage.
Do over.
Miss Foutley.
Yes?
We're having an in-class examination tomorrow
on the material I distributed today.
I suggest you be prompt, present and prepared.
WOMAN: Mocoloco Frothinator!
So I watch this woman
so busy with her job and her groceries
and her dog-walking,
and it's like she has no idea
what's going on in her own household.
I'm her next-door neighbor
and I can see she has a big problem
on her hands with those kids.
But their own mother? Totally oblivious.
Cover for me, will you?
Was it something I said?
You know, it's the little moments.
Brando, I got to admit
I really regret having made fun of you so frequently.
Is this a trick?
The truth is, there's plenty of things about you I find endearing,
from the impish way you pull your socks up too high
to that trademark speech impediment of yours.
I don't know what I'd do without you, fella.
Hey, hey, ho, whoa, slow down there, Papa.
Ever stop to think that you might be taking
this whole "loving goodness" routine a tad bit too far?
Nonsense, Hoods.
And I don't want to waste one precious moment squabbling.
Let's head over to your place.
I need a word with Jo-Jo.
Girls, where's Ginger?
My mother's intuition just kicked in.
We have no idea where she is.
She's been kind of unavailable lately.
And weird.
And high-strung.
And un-Gingerlike.
Maybe it's because of her new froth-a-day habit.
Oh.
Mom, guys, what are you doing here?
I might ask you the same question.
Me-- I'm just getting a couple of Mocoloco Frothinators
before I hit the books.
How many of those things have you had today?
One for breakfast, or was it two, and then one at lunch.
If I don't keep up my sugar and caffeine
I might crash and burn,
which could result in a failing mark,
which could go on my permanent record,
which can impact my ability to get into a good college.
You want me to go to college, don't you, Mom?
I don't believe this.
I have a test tomorrow,
and I wanted to stay up all night to cram.
I can't be late in the morning,
so I just figured I'd break night.
I'll break neck
if you don't toss those things in the garbage right now.
But I didn't...
Ginger, if our ifs and buts were candies and nuts,
we'd all have a very merry Christmas.
I don't get it, Ma.
What's the big deal?
We know you see the Mocoloco Frothinator
as being the solution,
but it's actually the problem, Ginger.
The problem.
The Mocoloco Frothinator
is controlling you, Ginger.
Tampering with anything
that alters your body or mind is a strict no-no.
You should know that, Ginge.
Now, I want you in bed early tonight,
and you don't have to worry about oversleeping.
You just got yourself a brand-new alarm clock.
Name's Lois.
Jo-Jo, you're a wonderful mother and a doting wife,
and while your hands are a bit rough and callused
and the cuticles could certainly use a trim,
you have two beautiful children
of whom you should be proud.
Are you quite well, Carl, hmm?
He's never been better, Mom.
Honest.
He even hugged Brandon Higsby.
Well, it's never too late to start over, I suppose.
If only that were true.
Come on, Hoods, walk me to the door.
I can't get over the change in you, Carl.
I mean it.
Usually you have to walk away
from a blazing kitchen fire
to have this kind of life-changing attitude.
Hoods, I want you to know
that if anything ever happened to me,
the doghouse and everything in it is yours.
Well, okay, Carl, and if anything ever happens to me,
you can have my sleepytime racecar bed...
only you might want to change the mattress.
Your call.
Fair enough, Hoods.
Remind me again why Ginge isn't gracing us tonight?
Hi, all.
Sorry I'm late.
Did she agree to lay low on the jo?
Yeah, she did.
This may be grossly out of line, but isn't it a tad hypocritical
to insist that Ginger kick the habit
when you yourself have that three-cup-a-day...
But, Dave, I'm an adult.
It's broken, anyway.
I'm proud of you, Mom.
Changing bad habits can be tough,
but sometimes such action is absolutely imperative.
Since when did you get to be so wise?
Since I found out I only have hours left to live.
C-come again?
You heard me loud and clear, Dave-o.
For, you see, my blatant disrespect for the rules
has finally caught up with me and now I must die.
Carl, what on earth are you talking about?
GINGER: Lying in bed, I listened through the vents
to Carl telling his story
about Milty and the file of wrongdoings,
about Briggs and the supposed tainted petri dish,
about how enormous the expectation was
that Carl would fail.
Why would a teacher tell a kid something like that?
It's totally unethical.
First thing in the morning,
I'm going down there to have a word with both of them.
It's not too late, you know, to bow out.
I mean, this is my life.
Well, Lois, since you put it that way.
Very funny.
I'll make you a knuckle sandwich for dessert.
Ginge, you up?
I know you're tired,
but I've been up all night thinking about this,
so just hear me out.
If you're feeling under pressure at school,
I want to hear about it.
Same holds true for Carl.
I'm your mother,
and I may have a full-time job,
but you kids are my first priority.
Understand?
I'm taking the day off today to go down to Carl's school
and have a word with his teachers.
I'd be happy to swing by the high school when I'm through.
That won't be necessary-- really.
I'm a high school freshman now.
I can fight my own battles.
Just fight them
without putting any garbage in your system,
okay, Cookiefoot?
Okay.
Starting today, the two of us
are kicking our bad habit together-- cold turkey.
[both yawn]
GINGER: So it may actually take me a little while
to learn to wake up without the help
of a Mocoloco Frothinator.
But that issue aside, I can't help wondering
if Zorski somehow expecting the worst of me
actually brought out the worst of me,
and if the same could be true of Carl
and his behavior over the years.
Is it possible for one to succeed
when absolutely everyone expects you to fail?
And that said, are the Foutley kids victims of the system
or just total goofballs?
Either way, it sure is nice to have a mom
who's willing to go to bat for you.
LOIS: It's a child you're dealing with, for heaven's sake!
BRANDON: My analyst says you can't rationalize evil.