01x16 - Eclipse

[bunniefuu]

- Mom! Mom, mom!
The world is ending!

- No, it's just a hangover.
- I'm serious.

The moon is headed straight
into the sun!

- It's called an eclipse.
It happens.

- Not in my lifetime!
- Right.

How long do you borndeads
live again, 10, 30 years?

- If we eat right
and stay indoors.

So the world isn't ending?

- Oh, must everything
you don't understand

Become a folk tale?

Do you want to know what
an eclipse really is?

Because you are about
to feel very silly.

- Apparently
when zeus gets angry,

He has apollo park the sun
behind the moon

Until he feels better?

- Really? Who expresses anxiety
like that?

- A guy that turns into a swan
to have sex?

- At any rate,
sounds like a god problem.

- All the same,
for the sake of science,

I'll have my people
keep observing.

- [whispers]
- hmm? Thanks for the update.

New eclipse rule:
We can't keep observing.

- [groans] ow.
[vases shattering]

Oh! Ow! Aah.

- At least I can tell the city
there's no need to panic.

- Um, hi, the gods are blaming
your mother

For this eclipse
and might destroy your city.

Byeee.

- At least I don't have to
interrupt the city mid-panic.

[upbeat mythical music]

♪ ♪

- Whoo!

[people wailing]

- What is happening?

- Look at it!

- What are
your biggest regrets?

I never invented flight.
- I never had a family.

- I never got to see our city
stop falling apart.

- That was your big wish?
Family?

Animals have family.

- They also have flight.

- You're right.
I wanted a family too!

- Hello, kids. World's ending.

Who wants to get high?

- We're sharing regrets, dad,
and there's a lot of longing,

Among your children,
for family.

- Perhaps you regret not
hearing my offer to get high?

- Is hermes wrestling with mom?

- Unless it's consensual,
I won't simply watch.

- Hermes, unhand me!

- I'm just doing my job,
deliria.

Olympus has summoned you.
- Well, tell olympus

They are counter-summoned
to my ass!

- For realsies?
- For absolutesies.

- Okay, fine.

- What's this about, my love?

- My extended family
of uptight inbreds thought

They could summon me
like a third-tier titan.

Do you know what I said?

- You counter-summoned them
to your ass?

- Yes! How did you--
[gasps]

Oh, gods.

[loud rumble]

- Open these badly designed
gates.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- I have every
scratch memorized.

♪ ♪

- Ugh! Gross!

♪ ♪

- What are you looking at?
Don't look away. Look at me.

Now tell me what
you're looking at!

- Everyone with a killable body
ought to head inside.

- Nah, I'm 35.
I was dead soon anyway.

- Is that apollo?
How awkward.

- Because the sun's
not working?

- No, he handled things poorly
when our band broke up.

- Hephaestus?
- Hippocampus!

- Shlub.
- Apollo.

- Deliria, my father
is clearly upset.

You were asked to mount olympus
for questioning.

- Oh, I've been
to questionings.

Hard pass.

- It wasn't a request.

- She just said
I was asked, dummy.

- Slut.
- Bully!

- Uh-uh-uh.

I won't win, but I'll make you
look real bad.

- Looks aren't everything.

- Can we save the flirting
until after we find him?

- Find him? Is zeus missing?

- Ah-ga-ga!
Not in front of worshippers.

Yes, he is
currently unreachable.

And because you're an expert
in pissing my father off--

- You keep calling him
your father.

- Yeah, he fathered, like,
most of us.

- And all by different mothers.

Yet, weirdly, I'm the slut.

- Are you coming
with us, deliria?

- What if I don't?
- I'll k*ll every human

In your city
except your daughter,

And then I'll marry her.

- So I'll be k*lling myself?
- I'll marry your corpse.

- You'll walk down that aisle
with my teeth in your crotch.

- Sounds like
a beautiful ceremony!

- Everybody, please!
I'm king tyrannis.

And I'd like to welcome
our esteemed gods

To civilization--

Work in progress,
pardon our dust.

- Stop helping, ty!
- But since my mother

Was banished
from olympus by zeus,

Her return there would be
a defiance of zeus' authority.

So I guess we'd all need
to know,

Who's making that call?

- Okay, you can help a little.

- Apollo, you talked to dad.
What did he say?

- What? I didn't talk to him.
Don't put this on me, okay?

We agreed to blame the eclipse
on deliria being a slut.

- Good enough for me.

Let's just kick her ass
down here.

- No, no. Stop.

If you didn't talk to him,

Why did you put the sun
behind the moon?

- Can we have this conversation
somewhere else?

[murmurs of disagreement]

- No, I don't think so.
- No, we're having it here.

- I don't do eclipses, okay?

I'm the sun.
My sister's the moon.

Dad runs the sky.

That up there, that's got
nothing to do with me.

Except the sun part.
I-I do control the sun.

That's established.

- Hi.
Um, annoying science question.

What if he's lying?
- How dare you!

How dare he!
I control the sun, sir.

It's my job.

- You're about to learn
a harsh lesson, mortal.

Show him.
- Show what?

- Go up and move
the sun a little.

- Yeah, you don't have
to end the eclipse.

Just give the sun a jiggle.

- Come on.
- Go.

- Just move the sun
a little bit.

- Aah!

- I think he may
have just left.

- I think
he's coming back down.

- He's coming down fast. Move!

- Move out the way!
[all scream]

- Aah!

- Is he frozen?

- Why would he be colder closer
to the sun?

- Well, I'm no science god,

But I think
it's because deliria's a slut.

- When is the last time
anyone actually saw zeus?

- We barely saw him
when he was around.

He only came out of his office
to yell at us

About boundaries.

- Zeus has an office now?
And boundaries?

- Both human inventions--glad
to hear they're catching on.

But he does know that the sun
can't stay behind the moon

Or every human will
eventually starve to death?

- Of course your first thought
is about every human.

Pretty selfish, bro.

- What happened up there,
apollo?

Did you touch the sun?

- I never got close.

I flew as high as I could.

And then I couldn't breathe,
which is fine.

I mean, who needs to breathe?

- A lot of people.
- Losers.

But then I just--
went to sleep?

Not fun sleep like after sex,

Like, a bad sleep
I couldn't control.

- The way you never controlled
the sun?

- [sighs] this bitch.

Yo, sis, none of our titles
ever meant anything.

Dad hands them out
to keep us feeling important.

Maybe you were too busy
symbolizing wisdom

To figure that out.

Shlub, take me somewhere
I can thaw.

I never should
have quit our band.

I'm really, really sorry.

- Don't be sorry for that,

Because you didn't quit
our band.

I did.
- Wait, what?

- Well, since it turns out
nobody knows

How the sky works, I think
it's time science stepped in.

- Yeah, heph and I would like

To develop
some kind of sky program.

- Approved.
- I don't like

The sound of that.

- Oh, it's just until
we find out

What's above the sky.

Then we'll rename
the program after that,

And it'll sound cooler.

- I don't like agreeing
with ares,

But is our new goal
to actively piss off zeus?

- How long are his feelings
going to stay important

If he can't be bothered
to show up?

- Ty, I cannot protect you
from him.

- That's obvious.
The guy can turn off the sun!

He's got every living thing
facing extinction

Except a handful of immortals

That are kissing his ass
for fake jobs!

- Hey, my job is real.

w*r is who I am and what I do.

Wherever I go, conflict arises.

- Are you sure
that's not just being a d*ck?

- [growls] ah!

- He's a king
minding his kingdom.

Go make yourself useful.
Don't ask me where.

- Oh, I see
what's happening here.

Smash the patriarchy?
Down with all penises?

- What? How did you get there
from here?

- I don't have
to stand here and explain

That women are the real sexists

When I could be hitting
on her daughter.

- Ha ha, victory--
god of w*r!

- I'll protect you.
- You will, will you?

- Um, she just did.
She physically blocked a sword.

- I was going to block it.

- Well, you played
that pretty cool!

- Hmm,
we're gathering here now?

Is krapopolis the new olympus?

- No.
- Yes.

- I think even gods
need some air.

I tried holding my breath once.
Made it a few days.

- What happened?
- My dad laughed and said,

"it was a figure of speech,
ugly.

I'll never love you,"
but I also got lightheaded.

- And apollo passed out because
above the sky, there's no air.

- And no air, no heat,
so he froze.

- We need a shell, sealed
so tight that air stays inside,

And we put it on top
of a few dozen barrels

Of my expl*si*n dust.

- How strong is this shell?

- I know a guy who works
with rare metals.

Handsome fella,
lives in a volcano?

- Okay, and who goes
inside the shell?

- Obviously a nut.
[both laugh]

- Seriously, though,
neither of us.

[door clicks open, slams]
- what's with you?

- I'm not hiding,
because that would be weak.

So I'm doing whatever
strong people do

When they're being
relentlessly hit on

By someone gross
that can't die.

Both: Ares!

[light melodic music]

- You were always so good
at noodling.

- 'cause I always went
with the flow, my man.

- I would think truly going
with the flow would include

Going with
a collaborator's flow, but--

- Your flow was to overthink
every song to death,

You uptight, nitpicky poet!

- And now you're finishing
ten songs a day, right?

You drunk genius?

- I haven't played
since we broke up.

- Me neither.

We threw something special
away, huh?

- Maybe.

Maybe real friendships
all get tested.

♪ maybe real friendships
all get tested ♪

- Oh!

- ♪ sometimes best best
friends ♪

♪ can be unbested ♪

- "unbested"?

They can be placeholder lyrics.

Oh, come on. Shlub!

I still can't move.

- And then it can be steered

Like a ship,
straight to the moon.

- How did you guys figure
this out?

- The trick is to forget
everything you think

And use only what you know.

- I love that!

- What happens when
the ship gets there?

- Well, we know the moon
is flat, like earth,

So the ship should punch a hole
through the center,

Restoring sunlight
to the world,

And probably curing
menstruation.

- Sounds like we can't afford
not to do this.

- We just need a volunteer
to do the steering.

- Not a scientist.
- Someone immortal.

We were thinking ares
because he's--

- Brave and strong.
- Really?

I was thinking
because he's an idiot.

I'll make that happen.
You make the ship.

Let's get to work.

My king.

- [sighs]

She's playing you.

- You not yourself, mom.
Are you sober?

- She has got you positioned
out in front of her

Where she can use you
to test her father's weakness.

When zeus comes back

And it turns out he's not weak,

She gets to play dumb
and you get a lightning enema.

- I get it.

You feel bad about
not blocking the sword,

So now you're protecting me

From things like confidence
and success.

- She's pretending
to be on your side.

- Then she's got you b*at
by half.

I'd ask you to try it sometime,
but you've given it a go,

And I don't think
you're a bad goddess

Or a bad mom,
I think you're just--

Well, I guess I do think
you're both of those things.

- This monologue is
more sloppy than hurtful.

- Because I never practiced it,

Because it's a monologue
I never wanted to do--

The one that ends with
"thank you" and "goodbye."

- I see.
- It seems like you don't,

Though,
because you're still here.

- You want me to leave now?

Shall I just walk down
the road

Into the wilderness,
empty-handed?

- Mom, of course not.

You can fly, and you need
to take dad.

- Come on, man.
- Relax.

I'm done pursuing you.
I get it now.

I figured out the way
to your heart.

- My heart has a way to it?

And you needed someone
other than me

To explain
that it wasn't stalking?

- You need proof of my courage,

Which is crazy since courage is
my gimmick, but I get it.

If apollo's a fraud,
maybe all gods are.

So I'm going up in
that skyship for you,

And I'm going to end
this eclipse

And, apparently,
all your periods.

- You made a deal
with this jackass

That he could have me
if he went to the moon?

- Uh, that's a super reductive
summary of our exchange.

- I don't know your big words,
but I know the deal's off.

- I'm sorry
for the misunderstanding,

Splendiferous.
- Stupendous.

- I'll explain to this bonehead
how women work.

You're free to go.
- Ow!

- You don't tell a human
you own them, moron.

Then they have
to prove they're free,

And you get nothing.

Now you're getting in that ship

Just to make up
for embarrassing me.

- No.
- Pardon?

- If you think being smarter
than me makes you smart,

You're forgetting, big sister,
just how stupid I am.

- True, but then we talk,
and I remember.

- Here's our new deal.

If dad's really gone
and you're taking over,

You're sharing power with me.

- Why?
- Because if dad's

Not really gone
and this makes him mad,

I'll agree that all
this skyship stuff was

On king bigmouth.

- Deal.
- Good.

Will you still help me
get a woman?

- Learn how to talk
to one, loser.

My king.
- Please. Rise, my goddess.

- Your skyship is ready
to pierce the heavens

And free the world
of zeus' shadow.

I'll escort you
to the launch pad.

- What a day.
A great step for mankind.

And a pretty big step for my
career, not that it's about me.

- It's going to be a huge step
for you.

Ares is stepping down
so that you can drive the ship.

- Me?
- This revolution

Will be meaningless
if a god gets any credit.

- Honestly, I saw it
as a joint god/human operation

Since we really want
someone inside that thing

That can't explode.

- You're going to be fine.

You're under my protection,
remember?

- You're going
to get me back down alive?

- You don't trust me?
- I do. I do.

- Good. Where's your mother?

- I... Kicked her out
of the city.

- Oh, even better!
Let's go, buddy.

Time to become a legend!

- Mommy!
[cries]

- [stifled groaning]

- Wave to your people, king.

Oh, right. You can't.
I'll do it.

- Ty, I don't know
why you're doing this.

If we're not using a god,

We should really put a criminal
in here.

Like,
a really serious criminal.

- I told him the same thing,
but he insisted.

- Cancel the mission!
I was kidnapped! Let me out!

[faint pounding]
- I think he might be--

- If it's a series
of intermittent bangs,

That means he's strapped in
and ready to go.

- You're still here?

- Wait, you're leaving?

- My son has evicted my wife.

She's clearing out her temple,

And we're going to make love
beneath a black sun

To the primal sounds
of humanity unraveling.

- Did you... Did you already
pack all your instruments?

- Why?
- Because if all the mortals

Are going to die,
I want my last memory

To be with my favorite one.

- What have I done?
- I'll field that.

You took the life I gave you
and bet it against me,

And you lost.

- Mama, get the door open!

- After you apologize.
- There's no time!

Get us out before we launch!
- Nice try.

I saw how long that fuse was.

You've got enough time
to eat some crap.

- Ugh, how long is this fuse?

- Oh, man. I knew it.
I knew it would blow up.

- No, look!
- It worked!

I knew it would work!

- So science is just guessing?

- And explosions.

But yes, mostly guessing.

- Holy crap!

- Next time,
just open the--

- Next time?
You can't be serious!

- ♪ now it's time
for us to go ♪

♪ everything and everyone
you know ♪

- ♪ changing like
the southern winds ♪

♪ punished for the sins
you've sinned ♪

Both: ♪ when you think about
the times you've had ♪

♪ measure all the good
and bad you've lived ♪

♪ you've lived, you've lived ♪

♪ you've lived ♪

[both scream]

[both grunt]

- What on earth
are we looking at?

- Earth?
- Is the moon a ball?

- I think the earth is
a ball too.

- How can a ball be flat
when you're on it?

- By being really,
really, really big.

- He lied.
- Who?

- Zeus.
- About what?

- Everything.
[expl*si*n]

Both: Aah!

- I think we missed the moon.
- Good.

We've got a new mission.

You navigate.
- Where?

- Olympus.

- Uh, okay. Um, left?

- So shall we discuss
our next gig?

I hear the sirens are looking
for an opening act.

- I don't think so.
And you know why?

- Because you're a selfish,
immortal ballsack?

And yet, I think I'm going
to miss that talented bastard.

- [strains]

[both grunting]

Mom, we should probably
get out of here.

- This is what he calls
his office?

It's just his old court.

But he added walls,
doors, and a desk.

- That's the idea.

It creates
an executive atmosphere.

- Creates a stupid atmosphere.

All it does is close off--
wait a minute.

- Oh, my god!
- He really did it.

- Did what?
What am I looking at here?

- The crazy bastard
was obsessed

With taking different
animal forms

For purposes of pleasure.

After a while, he
stopped seeking partners

And started experimenting
with hybrid forms.

If you want something done
right, he always said.

- Is he dead?
- Far from it.

He's achieved
his ultimate dream--

The neck of a giraffe,
the tongue of an anteater,

And the protracted orgasm
of a pig.

- No more information!
Don't tell me that about pigs.

- Deliria?

- You did not just crash
your ship here

And go into my father's office.

- In fact, we did, darling.

- Because he invited us.

- He's in there?
- Yeah.

And he wasn't thrilled
with your behavior today, but--

- But he said you're still
his favorite,

And he agreed
to end the eclipse.

- Holy crap, look.
There's a sliver of sun now.

- Yep, zeus says
he'll now move the moon

From in front of the sun
very gradually,

Almost as if he's rolling
a huge ball.

- So he's not mad at anybody?

- Not unless someone
disturbs him.

He's quite exhausted
from an extended...

- Neck.
- Holiday.

- Holiday. Oh!

He also said my mom is
no longer banished,

So if she wants,
she can come back here,

And you all have
to stop being mean to her.

- He did say that,
but I don't like it here.

I'm a krapopolis girl.

Are we really never going
to tell them?

- Do we want to share a world
with a newly emboldened athena?

- You're right.

If the olympians keep
fearing zeus and zeus stays...

- Self-fulfilled.
- Then we become,

In a sense,
rulers of our own world.

Animal?
- Giant eagle, please!

But that world is slightly
larger than we thought.

- That's all right.

I don't need you
to rule it anymore.

- Because you've realized
the importance of family?

- Because I live forever.

You have a maximum of,
what, five years left?

- Uplifting takeaway.

- And after you're dead,

I can have as many new children
as I want.

- We don't have to spend
the whole flight talking.

- I'm telling you,
I saw it, and it's round.

- Yes, like a plate.
- Like a ball.

- And where on a ball
would you build a house?

- It's a big ball.

- A big ball covered in water
that doesn't fall off the ball.

- Even though it's floating
in--what did you call it?

- I didn't.
- Oh, you called it something.

And we'd like you
to say it again.

- Space.
[both laugh]

- Okay, so, hephaestus,
maybe we should gather

The scientific community and--

- And we'll think about space.

[both laugh]

- You guys are being mean.

- Well, we have to be, ty,

Because you're confusing
science with magic.

- Yeah, and there's already
enough magic, okay?

I don't know if you noticed,
but I flew here.

- And the point of science is
to overthrow magic

With logic and observation.

- But I did observe this.
I was in space.

- Yeah, because you're nuts!
- He's right.

I wouldn't have done that,
and I'm magic.

You'd make
a horrible scientist, dude.

- [sighs]
- where were we?

- How do we know women
have less teeth than men?

- Smaller mouths?
- Perfect.

- Did you get any of that?

- Bento.
[all cheer]