01x16 - Brain Drain/Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

[bunniefuu]

[GHOSTLY VOCALIZING]

[RAP b*at PLAYING]

[HARD ROCK PLAYING]

[SCREAMING]

[BATS SQUEAKING]

All right,
I'm just gonna say it:

that is some weak
grave-robbing.

[GRITTING TEETH]
Do you have to be so loud?

I'm trying to throw
the zombies off my scent.

Everyone knows they can't
keep their mouths shut.

[GROANING]

I don't want anyone knowing
I'm actually searching for...

A pony?
No, no, that's not it.
That's just weird.

[GASPING]
Unless it is a pony!

I wanna say pony?

BOTH: [CHANTING]
Pony! Pony! Pony!

Pandora's box! Okay?

[GASPING]

They say it holds
all of the mysteries
and dark evils

of the monster underworld!

I just really want to see
for myself if it's real.

Ah, of course.
Pandora's box.

Yeah, never heard of it.

But I thought there isn't
a monster alive or dead
who knows where it is?

How do you know where to look?

Turns out there's
one monster.

Uncle Gene
spilled the beans.

He sleep-gossips.

[SNORING]

Dr. Gillman stuffs
rotten eggs in his socks

to hide his
human-smelling feet!

[MAVIS GIGGLING]

And Pandora's box
is buried in plot 1313.

[MAVIS GASPS]

[CLANGING]

Boom drac-alacka!

Pandora's box!

That's it?

Huh. It is kind of plain.

Ha!
They should call it the boring
square of Boringville.

[ALL GASP]

How about
we just call it mine?

But... Aunt Lydia?

How did you know?

Uncle Gene has loose lips.

[SNORING]

Quasimodo's real name
is Rainbow.

[AUNT LYDIA CHUCKLING]

And let's not forget
Pandora's box is in plot 1313.
[AUNT LYDIA GASPS]

MAVIS:
This isn't fair!

I found it!

Yes, you found it
and I'm keeping it.

It's a well-known monster law.

[GROANS]
It's true.

Count Finder
v. Franken-Keeper.

Landmark case.
[GROANING]

[CHUCKLING]

At last, all the dark secrets
of Pandora's Box are mine.

Mine! Mine!

Too much?

With the power
inside this box,

I, and not
my dopey brother,

will control the
Vampire Council

and the monster underworld!

[GRUNTING]

[GASPS] "Congratulations,
you have found Pandora's box,

"which means Gene
spilled the beans, again.

"You now have one hour
to open it

"before the box
self-destructs,

"and its dark secret
will be lost forever!"

Lost forever?

Not on my watch.

What are those holes for?

It's so simple,
and yet so complicated.

Ah, well, too bad, so sad.

Guess you won't rule
with an iron fist after all.

It'd take a super genius
to open this thing.

Agreed. Fortunately,
I have a genius on ice
for just such an occasion.

Bring me
Zombie Sir Isaac Newton!

He discovered gravity,
you know.

[ICE CRACKING]

[GROWLING]

Must still have
brain freeze.

Mavis, take him
to be brainwashed
and return at once!

What? Why do I have to?

Because the underworld's
greatest evil

is locked inside this box
and I want it now!

And also, because I said so.

Argh!

[GROANING]

You and me both.

So unfair.

Why do I have to help her
become the most evil monster
alive?

Uh, I'll have the
gentle mental wash
and hang-dry, please.

Oh, hey, Mavis!

Pedro and I were playing
full-contact golf

and I think I might have
a club stuck in my...

Oh!

Good speakin'
with ya, Hank.

AUNT LYDIA: Mavis!
[GROANS]

Gotcha!

AUNT LYDIA: Hurry up!

Finally! Sir Isaac,
I want this box opened now!

HANK'S VOICE:
I like the "sir" part,
but, uh, who's Isaac?

Huh?

What is the meaning of this?

Uh, he must be...
Waterlogged?

I'll wring him out.

Do it quickly!
We're losing time.

[SNARLING]

Hank? Is that you?

[STAMMERS] Mavis,
what's going on?

Uh-oh.

AUNT LYDIA: Mavis!

[MAVIS SHOUTING
IN SLOW MOTION]

Oh, no.

Okay, it's possible I maybe,
kinda, sorta mixed things up

down at brainwashing.

I think your Hank brain
is in Zombie Newton's body.

Then whose brain
is in my body?

WENDY: How are you
supposed to find

a prize at the bottom
of this box

with all these Fearios
in the way?

[HANK ZOMBIE GROANING]

Yeah, yeah!

Hankster, you're a genius!

Mavis, you have
to find my body!

I will.

Whatever you do,
do not try to open
Pandora's box

or Aunt Lydia will know
you're not Isaac Newton.

Huh?

Yeah, no. You're a zombie.
Just groan.

But sound really smart
when you're doing it!

Sir Isaac!

Ah!

There are 42 minutes left
until this box self-destructs

and if it does,

so do you.

Mavis! I don't
wanna self-destruct!

On it!

I want this box open!

Now!

Well, that didn't go
as I'd hoped.

[PLAYING PIANO]
Hank?

[EXCLAIMS]

Uh, sorry!

I thought you were
someone else.

I wish I was.

Phew!
Thank goblins I found you!

Hank's body,
you gotta come quick!

[GRUNTING]

Hank isn't really feeling
like himself.

What happened?

Ooh, ooh!
Let's do a flashback!

Yeah!

PEDRO: Hank was acting weird,

writing equations
on the menu blackboard.

WENDY: When he
erased the soup,

nobody knew
what to get for lunch!

So we had to call that waiter.

You know, the one
with the huge pus-y
boil on his eye wart.

What happened
to the brain?
Well...

I figured he still had
a golf ball stuck in his brain

so I pulled it out,

but it was wet and squidgy...

[SQUAWKS]

...and next thing I know...

So, the brain of the
greatest genius
to walk the Earth

is bouncing around the hotel
with my evil Aunt Lydia's
crazy chicken?

Well, when you
say it like that,

you make it sound
kind of silly.

[PEDRO LAUGHING]

Ah, well, no big deal.
Lunch?

Lunch?

Without Newton's brain,
Pandora's box is gonna go
kablooey!

And then Aunt Lydia is going
to do the same to Hank!

We have to open the box
to save him!

Gah! Why didn't you say so?

Come on!

[GROANING DRAMATICALLY]

Will you get up?

I want this box opened
and I want it opened now!

You have 20 minutes.

And then you'll see
what I'm like
when I'm really mad!

Okay, Hank, you can do this.

It's just a puzzle.

So, how do I normally
solve puzzles?

Aha!

[GRUNTS]

Excuse me.

Hello, Marco?
Yeah, this is Lydia.

Would you be a dear
and prepare an extra plot
in the cemetery?

Hmm? How soon?

Hmm... Twenty-one minutes.

[ALL PANTING]

[CHICKEN SQUAWKING]

♪ We're hot on the trail
of Newton's brain

♪ A hunt that could drive
poor Mavis insane

♪ This brainiac thinker
sh**t like an elastic

♪ Its velocity
makes it rather fantastic

♪ Even Wendy's tummy
cannot contain

♪ The tenacity
of this zombie brain

♪ Ah! This dog is a slob!

♪ Someone please help me
I've slipped in its gob ♪

[BARKING, SNARLING]

Holy rabies!

Oh, my!
Skull snaps!

You listen to me...

[BARKING]

[ALL SCREAMING]

What is going on here?
[GASPS]

Ah! Fire!

Why aren't I getting anywhere?

No! No, put the box down!

Put the box down!

Bad dogs! Bad dogs!

[SNARLING]

[SNARLING]

ALL: Oh!

Hey! Do not disturb!

[GROWLING]

Uncle Gene's room!

[SIGHING]
Nobody listens anymore.

[SNORING]

We're nearly
out of time!

Ten, nine...

Not helping.

[QUIETLY] Eight, seven...

[GASPS] Of course!

Uncle Gene! He'll know!

Uncle Gene,
can you hear me?

How do we open
Pandora's box?

[WHISPERING]
Six, five, four...

[SNORING]
Fang print.

[GASPS]
The holes are for fangs!

WENDY AND PEDRO:
Three, two...

Yes! We did it!

Yes! At last, mine!

[BRAIN SCREAMING]

"Congratulations.

"You have opened
Pandora's box.

"Which means you are now
the unlucky recipient
of the world's greatest evil."

[HIGH-PITCHED CACKLING]

"Pandora's cursed
and totally annoying
Demented Debbie doll"?

Oh, no.

DEBBIE: I'm back!

We're going to be
best friends forever!

[SCREAMING]

[SMASHING GLASS]

[DEBBIE CACKLING]

Huh, so the only reason
Pandora buried her box

was to escape
her Demented Debbie doll?

HANK: All I know is
it's great to be me again.

Uh... Hank?

What?

Eh, nothin'.

You look good.

[BATS SQUEAKING]

[YAWNING]

Shouldn't be many monsters
checking in now.

I think I'll call it...
[ANGRY GIGGLING]

[BOTH GASP]
[CLUCKS]

[MEDUSA YELPING AND SHOUTING]

Medusa!
Medusa!

[CLUCKS]

I can't believe I'm back
in this fresh, charming oasis.

Ugh!

How dare you!

Not now, Lidz.

The ferryman to Hades
is on vacay,

and so I have no choice but
to hole up in this flower pot.

[GROWLING]

I just want to sleep.

Be a demon
and bring my bags.

And please,

do not disturb, ever!

[GIGGLING]

I suppose
this is your doing?

What?

You think I'd forget
what she did after
her last stay here?

And so, not only did they
steal my clothes,

but my snakes too!

[HISSING]

Trust me.

Never stay
at Hotel Transylvania!

Ever!

[HISSING]

How could I forget?
It went viral.

And not in a delightful,
death-causing way.

Let me take care of her.

Ugh, Mavis!

We cannot just k*ll a guest,
no matter how much
I would like to.

[CHUCKLING] No!

No, no, no, I mean,
literally take care of her.

I know things went bad
last time,

but I will prove
I can win over our
most demanding guest!

A personal concierge.

That idea is not
totally putrid.

But of course,
everything must be perfect!

Understand? Perfect!

[CLUCKING EXCITEDLY]

I'll give it 110%!

Which is impossible.

So then you've
already failed.

[CLUCKS] Failed!

[CLUCKING]

[CROWING]

[YAWNS] So, again,
why are we cleaning
instead of the maids?

Come on, you guys!

Getting up
at the cr*ck of dusk

and cleaning hotel rooms
is awesome!
Nope.

Uh-uh.
Ugh.

Okay, Medusa's back
and I promised Aunt Lydia

I'd make sure this is
her best stay ever

so she doesn't badmouth us
on TV again. Good enough?

Can't say I care.
No.

I don't actually work here.

Ooh!

You guys are the best!

Okay, last time
she was here,

Medusa took a ridiculously
early breakfast

and expected her room spotless
when she returned.

So...

Let's do this!

Let's go, let's go, let's go!
[ALL YELL]

MAVIS: Towels!

Magic potion dispensers!

Linens!

[LAUGHING]

[GRUNTS]

[LAUGHS]

Nice work, guys!

Now, wheel that dirty stuff
down to laundry

for neck-breaking
speed cleaning.

[CRASHING]

PEDRO: It's okay!
I landed on Hank's neck!

HANK: Ow!

Hey! Medusa's
laundry ready yet?

See for yourself.

Ooh, that's a nice idea.

We give her a gift set
of handkerchiefs.

Or should I say
Hank-erchiefs? TM!

Actually,
that's her bed sheet.

Yikes.

I guess neck-breaking
speed washing
shrunk things a bit.

Let's just keep that detail
from Aunt Lydia... Ah!

It's, um...

A Hank-erchief, TM.

[BLOWING NOSE]

I don't get it.

So, how is our
[GAGGING]
special guest?

No complaints.

Really? Impressive.

Impressive?

She's never said that!

I knew it!

Middle upper management,
here I come!

[GASPS]
Maybe I could become
head chauffeur.

Sorry, dude,
but you always knew that this
promotion was just temporary.

[GROANING]

[CROWING]

[CLUCKING]

[SQUAWKING IN FEAR]

Hmm.

What?

[SCREAMING]

Oh, my.

What's it look like?
Is it bad?
[SQUAWKING]

It feels really curly.
Is it curly?

[ALL GULPING]

Show me!

[GROANING]

[HUMMING CIRCUS MELODY]

[BOTH GASP]

There's like no way
I can fix this, Baroness.

It's totally some
primordial curse.

But, um, maybe...
[WHISTLES]

Oh! My cousin Ronnie found
these human styling tools
when they fell off a broom.

Yeah, they're, like,
super gross.

Human?

Do not even
think about it!

The only monster I know
capable of casting a spell
like this is...

[GULPING]
Medusa?

[CHUCKLES] That's funny.

Weren't you supposed to be
taking care of her and...

Oh, I see why
she's so mad.

AUNT LYDIA:
Medusa was the unofficial
goddess of bad hair days.

She used to mess with mine
all the time.

[LAUGHING]

And now, clearly,
you have set her
back to her old ways.

No way, this isn't my fault.

I'm the one who went
out of her way
to be nice to her.

And it's not like
I can just wave my hand
and change your hair.

I didn't do it!
I didn't do it!

That was awesome!

[SCREAMING]

How did she do that?

[HIGH-PITCHED INDISTINCT
CHATTERING]

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
Totally forgot about him.

Aunt Lydia?

Fine.

I said, maybe she's mad

'cause you shrunk her down
to the size of an ant!

Ugh.
But seriously, how could
she have done this?

I mean, I guess
you could check
the security crystal ball.

Yes, that's true.

I could check the security
crystal ball and...

We have
a security crystal ball?

TIFFANY: It's the latest
in crystal ball technology!

Yeah, my sister Mary got it
from her boyfriend Dino,

who got it when it fell off
a ghost ship. Mmm-hmm.

You can see anything
and everything that
went on in here.

Oh! And it's also got
a calculator.

Sweet.

Let me see.

So, no Medusa,
I guess, huh?

Do not think because
you are a Frankenstein

I will not destroy you.

Okay, let's see
what else there is!

Wait a sec.

Um, Aunt Lydia?

[SCREAMING]

Get it off me!
Get it off me!

[LAUGHING]
Yeah!

I can't believe I was right!

Oh, uh, hey, at least
you found her.

True.
Now, go get her.

[STAMMERING] Me?

How?

Um, are we sure
this is a good idea?

You said you wanted
to take care of Medusa.

Now, take care of Medusa!

Stone-proof shade me.

Okay, let's get tiny.

Ah! [GROANS]

Oh!
[HISSING]

Bitey!
MEDUSA: Ah, the niece.

Here to finish off
Lydia's dirty work,
I presume?

Nice try.

Whoa! [GRUNTS]

I wasn't the one who decided
to shrink down and go AWOL

just so I could
mess with Lydia!

Mess with Lydia?

She's the one who shrunk me!

I was sleeping,
minding my own business,

when all of a sudden,
I'm flung into the laundry!

It must have been a cursed
speed wash

because I shrunk way down,

and barely managed
to hold onto a sheet

so I didn't get washed away!

Then I saw my chance
for revenge!

But Medusa, Aunt Lydia had
nothing to do with this.

It was me.

You?

I was trying to take
extra special care of you.

I guess I got carried away
cleaning your room

and must have accidentally
thrown you in
with the laundry?

[LAUGHING NERVOUSLY]
Simple mistake, right?

Oh, well, then!

I shouldn't be taking
this out on Lydia at all!

Exactly.

I should be
taking it out on you!

[YELLS]

I am in command
of all the scalp!

My mighty dandruff winds
will bury you beneath
their flaky grossness!

Uh, what is going on
in there?

I'm not a great lip-reader,
but I think Medusa said
something about...

Ooh, I wanna say
dandruff?
What?

Uh-oh.

I have never had a flake
in my entire life!

Now, you know,
I heard coconut oil...

Bleh!

Well, that was disgusting.

And it's only going to get
worse, baby Drac.

I'm staying
till the bitter split end.

[LAUGHING]

Battle lice, ready!

Unless...
[WHISTLING]

Oh, no! No! Oh, no!
Oh, no, you don't!

[LAUGHING]
[RAZOR BUZZING]

You wouldn't dare.

Oh, wouldn't I?

[BOTH SHOUTING]

[WHIMPERING]

I'll see y'all
at your funerals!

[YELLING]

Medusa!

[ALL SHOUTING]

I did it!
Aunt Lydia!

I got Medusa!

Everything worked out
perfectly after all!

[GROANING]

Okay, maybe
not perfectly.

So, Medusa, again,
really sorry about
shrinking you and all.

Do you think maybe you could
leave that detail out
next time you're on TV?

No chance.

As soon as I'm out of here,

I'm telling
the whole underworld.

Um, when exactly do you think
we might get out of here?

[MAVIS SIGHING]

I'm guessing at least not
until her hair grows back.

[CLICKING TONGUE]

Ugh.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[VOCALIZING]