01x23 - Ring Around the Dragon

[bunniefuu]

[Bell rings]

Ha ha! Done!

Time.

Rowlett's class
to the front steps
in 17 seconds flat.

That's right, baby.

Who got the mad skizzills?

That's right. Uh-huh!

It's Jake! Say what!

Whoa!

Watch it, doof!

Smooth talkin'
the hottie squad
over here?

"Dear Jake, nobody
loves you more than
your p-pa--par--"

parents.
Parents.

"Parents.
Love, mom and dad."

Aw! Isn't that sweet?

Doofus' mommy and daddy
wroted him a wuv note

and lefted it
on his skateboard.

[All laughing]

Jake: Man, my parents
are seriously buggin'.

Check out
these notes, yo.

"Jake, after meals
sweet and saucy,"

ooh, wow. This one's
written in some ancient
aztec language.

Oh. Yeah.

"Here's a tip
for our precious sweetie.

"Look both ways when crossing
the streetie." Ha ha.

They hid these things
all over the place.

In my locker.
In my book bag.
In my drawers.

I got the idea
from megamom monthly,

along with some great
cardio-sculpting tips.

We stuck them
all over the place.

You'll be discovering
the little suckers for days.

Yeah. Nobody loves you
more than your parents.

It's all love and gravy
with your p's, baby.

[Knock on door]

More like looking
to embarrass me.

Yeah, yeah. We coming.

Uh, Jake?

I--i think it's for you.

♪ He's hot
like a frozen sun ♪

♪ He's young and fast ♪

♪ He's the chosen one ♪

♪ People,
we're not braggin' ♪

♪ He's the American dragon ♪

♪ He's gonna stop
his enemies ♪

♪ With his dragon power ♪

♪ Dragon teeth,
dragon tail ♪

♪ Burnin' dragon fire ♪

♪ A real live wire ♪

♪ American dragon ♪

Dragon up!

♪ American dragon ♪

Oh, oh, oh.
Whoa!

♪ He's the American dragon ♪

Rico wins the dragon.

♪ Skills are
gettin' faster ♪

♪ His destiny
will walk up streets ♪

♪ Showtime, baby,
for the legacy ♪

♪ American dragon ♪

♪ From the "j"
to the "a" ♪

♪ To the "k"
to the "e" ♪

♪ I'm the mackdaddy dragon
of the N.Y.C. ♪

Ya heard!

Jake! Get back
to work!

Aw, man.

Man: Thank you all for coming
to our mountain village.

So, tell us. Why have
you sought the help
of the American dragon?

It's our baby boy hobie.

Ohh!
[Grunts]

Aah!

Well, I guess he isn't
really a baby anymore.

He's 8 years old and he's
just gone and run off.

Uh, yo, jakie,
your shirt tag's
sticking out. Oh!

"Start your day
with eggs and waffles

"'cause missing
breakfast is
really awfuls.

Love, mom and dad."

Yeah, I used to try
that all the time.

I'd get as far
as the end of my leash
before--argh!

Grandpa: Fu dog!

We have no idea where hobie
might have run off to.

Spud: Kewl!

What's so cool
about a bunch of posters?

No, not cool. Kewl.

The king extreme
wrestling league.

Since I was
but a wee little tot.

Hobie was always
very interested

he practiced those wrestling
moves all the time.

Despite our size,
we giants are
peaceful creatures.

So, you think hobes
left home to become
a professional wrestler?

That is what we must find out.

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen,

it's time for the main event.

Ok. That's king hammer.

Too bad he don't
own a fashion
consultant.

In this corner,
your k.E.W.L. Champion,

the slamma from Montana,
a savage beast
who won't be tamed,

kodiak Mac,
the human grizzly!

The new sensation
that is sweeping the nation,

the king of pin,

the biggest kid
on the block,

hobie the giant!

What? That's ma and pa
giant's baby boy?

Man, I'd hate to be the one
changing that diaper.

Ring the bell.

[Bell dings]

Ok. Now,
watch close.

It's like
an intricate--

[thud]

[Bell dings]

We have a new champion.

I give you hobie the giant.

Hooray!
That baby boy is
about his business.

Hey, hobie. Over here.
Can I get a sh*t?

Jake: Nice match,
champ.

Too bad
your ma and pa

couldn't be here
to watch.

How'd you get--wait.

You know my ma and pa?

I know they want you
back home.

I want to wrestle
and be the champion and--

This jerk
bugging you, hobie?

King hammer: Let me explain
something to you, kid.

Hobie does what I want,
says what I want. I own hobie.

You can't own someone.

This is
a free country, yo!

The country might be free, yo,

as long as he's champion,
hobie is property of k.E.W.L.

And he ain't goin' nowhere!

Now, b*at it.

"For days when things
get really scary,

"wear 2 pairs of underweary.

Love, mom and dad"?!

Aw, ain't that sweet.

Ha ha!
Ha ha!
Ha ha!

Aw, man!

Hmm. If king hammer
never lets a champ go,

we must ensure that hobie
does not remain champion.

Someone's gonna have
to step into that ring
and take him down.

Any volunteers?

Forget it, guys.
You see this body?

It looks good
in 3-d.

Ah! But you will not be
wrestling as Jake long.

In the ring, you will be
known as dragon fire.

See, while you're
in dragon costume,

then ba da bing!
We take him home to ma
and pa giant. Hello!

Yo! I'm all over it.

Dragon fire is
in the hizzouse.

Ok. All right.
The dragon gimmick
could work.

But you're still gonna
need an outfit or something
flashy. Something like--

What you need
is some fashion bling.

So, step back and watch
miss Trixie do her thing.

♪ I'm so hot ♪

♪ Oh, so hot ♪

♪ I'm on fire ♪

♪ Look at me ♪

♪ I'm so hot ♪

♪ Yes! I'm on fire ♪

All right. Now you're
not just a wrestler,

you're a wrestler
with my style.

Pop your collar, baby.

Jake: Yo, hammer!

What are you
supposed to be?

Or you can just
save the time
and call me champ.

What's with
the entourage?

I'm dragonfire's
manager, al...

Uh, bondegas.

And this is, uh,
his stylist,

the--the countess
dive Donna prima.

Ooh, ooh!
I like that!

Thought you might,
girl.

Costume's pretty fake,
but let's see
if you can fight.

Boys,
see what he's got.

[Both grunting]

Hyah! Hyah!

Ok, you got
my attention.

Before my client
signs,

if my chap
beats that chump
you call champ,

you cut him loose.

He's out of
the league. Cool?

Sure, but I wouldn't
worry about that.

Hobie flattens
guys your size
like a steamroller.

Sign here.

Hold fast, dude!

I want a piece
of dragonfire's
merchandising rights,

payable in
cold, hard cash.

Hmm. Diva's
got to eat, too.

Jake: So when's
my first match?

Hammer: Right now.

Everybody starts
in the minor leagues, kid.

Have fun.

Wh--wh--what?

Yo, hands off!

Whoa! Hey!

Put me down! Doh!

Get up and take
your beatin', boy.

Aw, man!

Stay back, old man.
I don't want to hurt you.

Well, I may be old,
but... Yah!

Oh! Oof!

Yo, who's the geezer?

That's the flying walrus.

He used to be
the greatest ever.

That was like


Dang! Looks like
homeboy's still got it.

Yah! Unh!

Who's the walrus?

I am the walrus!

[Groans]

Aw...

[Slurp]

[Gasps] Walrus dude's
gonna take a nasty bite

out of Jake's backside!

The denture clencher!
Wow!

I have this subtle
eastern motivational
technique

I've been practicing.

Do better!

Much, much better!

Huh?

Whoa!

What in thunder? Unh!

[Mumbling]

Crowd: 1, 2, 3!

That's right! Aw, yeah!

Official dragonfire
merchandise right here!

All countess diva
Donna prima originals.

[Cash register dings]

Listen, hobie,
you mind if we talk?

I'm not really
a wrestler.

I'm the American
dragon.

[Scoffs] No duh.

And you're trying
to get me to go home.

Look, we can do this
the easy way,

or we can do this
the hard way.

When I fight you
in the championship,

just go down.

Then I bring you home
to your mom and pa,

and everyone's happy.

Yeah, well,
I won't be happy.

I want to wrestle.

Ma and pa,
they just don't get it.

[Sighs]

Guess it's gonna be
the hard way.

Announcer: Dragonfire
vs. Baron Von fishslap!

[Dinging]

Announcer: Dragonfire
vs. Mostrocon!

[Wolf whistle]

Announcer: Dragonfire
vs. The undead head!

[Screams]

Announcer: Dragonfire
vs. Goorilla!

You have something
caught in your sleeve.

"When a bear's nearby,
don't act silly.

"To escape him,
simply run downhilly?"

Yo, that's it!
I've had it
for real this time!

How totally whack
and useless these notes are?

Well, it's true,
you know.

Bears have stubby legs,
so they'll trip and fall

if you get them
running downhill.

Know what? Never mind.

Y'all just don't get it.

Tween angst.

What are you gonna do?

A'ight, this is it, spud.

I put every cent I made
back into the new fashion line.

Jake wins
the championship tonight,

and mama Trixie's gonna be
blowing her nose

but why would you want
to get boogers on your--

Yo, it's a figure of speech.

Work with me, spudinski.

I'm not going home,

even if you win,

which you totally won't.

That's big talk
for a big...

Man, I really gotta
start thinking through
my comebacks.

I love my ma and pa,

got Mr. Hammer
taking care of me.

Hammer's just using you
'cause you're a real giant.

If you'd just go
back to your village

and talk to your parents,
you could--

Uh, see you in the ring.

A real giant?

What did he mean
by that?

Uh, well, you know,

before I came
to wrestle for you,

I used to live
in a village of giants.

And there's a whole
village of giants

just as big as you?

Oh, no.
They're a lot bigger.

And where was this
village exactly?

World championship
merchandise over here!

Dress like the champ.

Man: He ain't
the champ yet!

Man, dragonfire
owns that belt!

Y'all just ain't
hip to the truth yet.

[Crowd cheering]

Hammer:
Ladies and gentlemen,

it's time to get cool!

In the red and yellow
trunks,

tonight's challenger--

The squire of fire,

the tall ball of brawl,

the lizard
for shizzard--

Dragonfire!

[Cheering]

And in the brown trunks,

your k.E.W.L. Champion--

The super absorbent,


Hobie the giant!

Don't play nice.

[Bell rings]

Can you see me now?

How you gonna pin something
you can't touch?

Whoa!

Whoa!

Ooh!
All right!

Come on!

It's only 400 pounds,
you crybaby!

Get up!



[Sniffing]
Can you smell barbecue?

Yeow!

Now, that's what I call
a hot move.

Can I get a holla?

[Crowd cheering]

Hee!

Stop!

[Gagging]

Ok, dude,
I got an idea.

I call it the 4-post,

rodeo whangity-bangity
shim sham.

Uh, you sure
about this, spud?

[Crowd cheering]

Huh?



[Cheering]

Do you believe
in miracles?

Dragonfire, what?

I said dragonfire,
what, y'all?

As soon as hammer
gives him the belt,

these shirts are
gonna sell like...

Wait a minute.
Where hammer at?

Crowd: What's going on?
What? What?

Yo, Where'd that punk go?

[Both snoring]

Wh--wha?

[Grunting]

Hammer: Come on, get
these giants loaded up.

What is this?

Just get in the truck.

Congratulations, giants.

You are all
going to be wrestlers.

My wrestlers!

[Evil laughter]

Jake: Hyah!

I don't get it.

Where'd hammer go?

Maybe he went
to the village.

Village? What are
you talking about?

Uh, Mr. Hammer
was asking questions

about where I come from,
so I told him.

He even said
he wanted to meet
the rest of the giants.

Aw, man!

Don't you get it?

What?
What does he want?

Grandpa: An all-giant
wrestling league.

Think of all the money
he could make.

But giants are peaceful.

Ma and pa wouldn't
want to wrestle.

Uh, kid, I don't think
hammer's planning
to give them

much of a choice,
if you know what I mean.

He's gonna make them
do it, hobie.

Oh, no, he's not!

Hammer: Let's move out!

[Horn honks]

Go check it out.

Huh?

Aah!

Why you gotta make me

b*at you outside
the ring, too?

Don't you know
that's just
embarrassing?

What up, Mac?

[Roars]

How does such a big,
grizzly dude

run so dang fast
on stubby legs?

Wait, stubby legs...

When a bear's nearby,
don't act silly.

To escape him,
simply run downhilly.

[Growling]

Raa! Whaa!

Ha! Have a nice trip!

Come on, fu,
you can do it.

Everybody's
counting on you.

[Growling]
Yaa!

Get him!

Oh, boy. Back off!

Don't make me
do something
I don't want to do.

Ah, we are real scared.

What's the little doggie
gonna do?

All right,
you asked for it.

[Coughing and gagging]

Don't say
I didn't warn you.

Hello, poochie.

All right, I was hoping

we wouldn't have to
do it this way.

I'm thinking of a number
from one to 10.

The closest one gets to
take me on first,

and then we keep
going on like that,

one at a time, until--

Oh! Unh!

[Truck beeping]

Open the door!

Ma? Pa?

Hobie, my man!

This, uh...

It isn't
what it looks like.

You chained up
my ma and pa!

Yo, hobes,
want to tag in?

Pile on the dragon
and the giant!

[Groaning]

Aah!

After all
I've done for you,

this is how
you repay me?

Hey, I'm not the one
looking for payback.

Aah!

Ma, pa, I'm--
I'm sorry!

I never should've
run off like I did.

It's ok, baby.

You have made a family
very happy,

young dragon.

Sometimes they do
some majorly whack things,

but, deep down,
every kid knows

nobody love you
like your parents.

Very wise.

Trixie: So,
now that kewl's over,

how am I supposed to
unload all this stuff?

Grinter axgrind,
giantastic toys.

Thanks for the rescue,
by the way.

I think your clothes
would look great

on our little Petunia
doll line.

I'll buy the whole bunch
at, say, 100 per?

[Cash register dings]

Well, heck yeah, homey!

Let's see that money, baby.

Great. I've got
all the fish
right in my cave.

Be right back.

Uh, did he just say fish?

Giants use fish
instead of money.

Did I forget
to mention that?

Blech! Yuck!

Ew, fish?

That is so nasty!

[Sniffing]
Do you smell something?

[Yawns]

Thought you might like
some eggs and waffles.

I can't have y'all
missing breakfast,
now, can I?

Huh, there's something
on your back.

Oh, yours, too.

You dad Jake.

Hmm, that's odd.

What does yours say?

Thank mom and love.