04x07 - Star Warners

[bunniefuu]

Captioning made possible by
warner bros.

♪ They're Pinky
and the Brain ♪

♪ yes, Pinky
and the Brain ♪

♪ one is a genius ♪

♪ the other's insane ♪

♪ they've entered
in a race ♪

♪ to conquer outer space ♪

♪ they're dinky, they're Pinky
and the Brain ♪

♪ Brain, Brain, Brain,
Brain ♪

hey, them rebels don't
give us no respect, bobby.

Know what I mean?
No respect at all.

What do ya expect, pesto?
We blasted 'em first.

We did not! Bobby,
did we blast them first?

A little bit. Yeah,
maybe just a little bit.

See? I told ya.

Oh. You told me?
Is that right?

Well, let me tell you
somethin'.

Let me tell ya this!

And let me tell ya that!
Ha ha ha!

And how do ya like that?!
And let me tell ya this!

Make way
for girth plotz.

Let go!
Hey...

cheese it!
The boss.

[Wheezing]

[Hacking cough]

[Whispers]

All right! Who took
the last diet root beer?!

I told you, I am not
a refrigerator.

I am a laboratory robot
engaged in

an intricate scheme
of galactic domination.

Stupid machine!
You ate all my change!

Now vamoose!

You there!
What are you doing?

[Gasps]

Stop her!

Did you have
a nice chat

with the funny
hair lady,
Brain-2-me-2?

Yes, 3-Pinky-O.

And do you know
what's on the disk
she just gave me?

Another free
introductory offer
to America online?

Not even close.

Observe, Pinky-O.

She gave us the plans
to girth plotz's
ultimate w*apon--

the mega star.

With it, I can
conquer the galaxy!

Oh, joy! We'll be ruled
by a minifridge!

I am not a refrigerator.

Oh. Then I'd better
take out my leftovers
before they spoil.

Now, where did I put
that chicken chimichanga?

Heh, stop it, 3-Pinky-O.
That tickles!

Ha ha ha! Cut it out!

Hah! I have
a bad feeling
about this.

Pinky-o: ugh. Me, too.

I just found an egg roll
that's green and furry.

[Wheezing]
We meet again, princess.

That's princess
Angelina contessa
Louisa Francesca

banana-fana leiana
pile-Of-origami
the third.

But you can call me dot.

Call me dotty,
and you'll be taking
your tang intravenously!

Enough! What are
you doing here?

My 5-year mission is
to seek out new worlds

and make them cuter.

I bet you'd look cuter
without the face mask.

So I was wrong.
Who knew?

You stole the plans
to the mega star.

Now, where are they?

I'll never tell!

We'll see about that!

Guards!

Take her away!

[German accent]
General plotz! An escape pod
has just blasted off,

and it's heading towards
the planet ratatouille!

So?

It's carrying
princess dot's
minifridge.

Find me that fridge!

Egad! I can't go on,
Brain-2!

I can't walk another step.

You've only gone 3 feet.

Oh. Right you are.

Troz! Never mind.

Hoo hoo ha ha ha ha!

[Clanks]

Hello, funny
vacuum cleaner man.

I am not a vacuum cleaner.

Yes!
He's a refrigerator.

No. I'm a robot
stranded in the desert

with his dimwitted sidekick.

That would be me!
Hoo hoo hoo ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

Funny vacuum cleaner man.

Uh, perhaps
you could direct us

to the nearest
space port, little girl.

Why?

Because we need to get
to the mega star.

Why?

Because we're trying to
take over the galaxy.

Why?

Because with me in charge,
it will be a better place.

Why?

Because I'm really smart!

Why?

Because I am! Now stop
saying "why"!

Why?

Because you're
driving me crazy!

Why?

Pinky-o, tell her to stop!

Why?

Hoo hoo ha ha
ha ha! Narf!

Enough!

Ok. I love you. Buh-bye.

Aaah!
Aaah!
[Buzzing]

There is a pain that is
going to tingle.

Uhh--off!

[Engine revving]

[Clanking]

[Gasps]

Hi, Mr. Farmer man.

Hello, little
nomad nurse.

I'm wakk skylicker.

Whatcha doin'?

Farming sand.

I've got a big crop
this year.

[Wind blowing]

Uh...

Ok.

[Clanks]

Unh!
Unh!

Wanna buy a funny
vacuum cleaner man?

No, thanks.

I am not a vacuum cleaner.

But I'll buy a talking
garbage can any day!

Ok. I love you. Buh-bye.

How do ya open the lid?

I assure you,
I am not a garbage can.

I am a robot
on a vital mission.

Help me,
slappy wanna nappy.

Please!

Look, Brain-2.
It's the princess.

Ow! O-ow!

O-ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Ow! Ow!

Help me,
slappy wanna nappy.

Please!

Hello, girl
who looks just like

my long-lost
sister nurse.

Your sister
is tiny and staticky?

No. She's just
very, very cute.

Who is this
slappy wanna nappy?

It must be
has-Been wanna nappy,

the old squirrel who lives
out in the desert.

Maybe she can help me
find my sister.

Maybe she can help me
get to the mega star.

Maybe she can help me
get a Brain.

♪ Oh, we're off to see
the has-been ♪

♪ the wonderful has-been
named slappy ♪

Wakk: are you sure we're
in the right movie?

Slappy: all right,
already. I'm comin'.

What do ya want?

Are you slappy
wanna nappy?

Who wants to know?

I'm wakk skylicker.

My new talking
garbage can has
a message for you.

He looks more like
a toaster oven to me.

[Sighs]
May we come in
and explain?

As long as you
promise to heat up
my frozen waffles.

I'm starvin'.

What I go through
for galactic conquest.

This minifridge contains
the plans to the mega star,

girth plotz's ultimate
w*apon of destruction.

The mega star
must be stopped!

Help me,
slappy wanna nappy.

Please!

All right! Who took
the last diet root beer?!

She sounds like
she's in trouble!

With a plot line
that lame,

we're all in trouble.

[Bell rings]

Keep 'em comin' there,
toaster boy.

We have to get to
the mega star!

Poit! But how?

We'll need a ship
and a pilot.

I know where we can
line up a pilot.

Well, then,
let's roll!

[Bell rings]

Sure, just
as soon as somebody

passes me the syrup.

Plotz: now, princess...

tell us where
your fridge went

with those plans!

Never!

I know just how
to make her talk.

Sergeant major nurse!

[Gulps]

How do.
Name's pip pumphandle.

You know, you meet
the most interesting people

in outer space.
[Grunting]

Did I ever tell you
about the time
I met Mr. Mark hamill,

star of stage, screen,
and the occasional
comic book?

Noooo!

Slappy: the studio
of mos Eisner.

You'll never find
a more wretched hive
of scum and villainy.

So be careful.
We're goin' in
without an agent.

[Engines rev]

[Playing star wars
cantina music]

I have an iridium q-39
reactive modulator,

which I'm going to use
to blow up the earth.

I bet you use that line
on all the girls.

Hey, you.

We don't allow
your kind in here.

You don't allow robots?

No. We don't
allow minibars.

I am not a minibar!

So long, sweethearts!

Ya get it?

It's like
the Lucy show,

but with a squirrel.
Oof!
Oof!

[Speaking alien language]

Humph!

Hey! You spoiled
my pitch!

Your what?
My pitch!

I told ya I was tryin'
to get us a pilot.

[Plays rimshot]

Not a Tv pilot! We need
a pilot who can fly!

[Crashes]

Did someone say...
pilot?

Who are you?

Yakk Soho, space ace,
reporting for duty.

This is my copilot,
chewbooboo.

Arrrr...bok-kaw!

His copilot's
a chicken,
I tell ya!

A giant chicken!

Not if ya keep
a night-light turned on.

[Rimshot]
Thank you.

I'll be here
through Tuesday.

Can you take us
to the mega star?

No problem.

Hello, handsome.
[Barbra Streisand song plays]

No. The mega star
of total destruction.

Oh, right. Sorry.

[Schwarzenegger voice]
Chill out, fridge boy.

Aah!
Aah!
Aah!

No! Girth plotz's
mega star
in outer space.

Oh, that mega star.
Sure, I can take ya.

Then please do so
immediately.

Plotz soldier: duh, hey!

There's that minifridge!

Stop them!

Quick! To
the bicentennial lemon!

We're gettin' creamed!

Chewbooboo,
get us outta here!

Just what kind of
ship is this?

A pizza delivery
transport.

Oh, great.

We deliver
neutron-Hot pizzas

to your space port

in under 30 parsecs
or your money back.

Bok-kaw.

So, hold on to
your anchovies.

We're outta here!

Pip Pumphandle:
alpha centauri's

sort of a funny name,
don't you think?

I mean, not ha-ha funny,
but just sort of odd.

Of course, alpha is
the first letter
of the Greek alphabet,

and omega
is the last letter,

giving rise to the phrase,
"from the alpha to the omega."

Make him stop,
I beg of you!

I'll tell you anything.

Just, please,
make him stop!

[Crying]

All right.
She's had enough.

Now, where did
that refrigerator go
with those plans?

What plans?

I'm tired of your stalling.

Maybe this will
persuade you to talk.

[Gasps]
My home!

Yes!
The comedy
planet--

Where I'll put
the mega star
to its first test.

[Gasps]
You're going to
destroy my planet,

wiping out
millions of people?

No. I'm going to screw up
their Tv reception!

[Gasps]

You...are...sick!

Plotz: begin Tv disruption.

[Seinfeld voice]
What's the deal with Pluto?

Is it a dog,
or is it a planet?

I gotta know!

[Laughter]

Announcer: we interrupt
spacefeld

to present ken burns'
history of paddleball

in 127 parts.

Woman: dear Abner,
huh?

Your new game of
paddle the ball
is all the rage.

I think it may even
replace the minuet.

It-it's on every channel!

Everyone on the planet:
nooooo!! Make it stop!

Slappy: hey,
what's goin' on?

Somethin' awful
has happened.

Narf! As though a million
voices cried out in pain?

Worse. Scooby-doo's
been preempted

by a documentary
on paddleball.

It's the mega star.
Yes!

It's transmitting nothin'
but deadly dull programmin'.

Plotz is beamin'
this garbage everywhere.

And he's sucking the humor
right out of the universe.

That monster!
I'm going to stop him!

Whoa, kiddo.

There's only one way
to overcome
your plotz problem.

How?

With comedy.

What do ya mean?

If you're gonna
save this galaxy,

you'll need
to study the shtick

with the ancient
guru of gags, skippoda.

[As Yoda]
Easy is drama.
Hard is comedy.

Yes, yes.

But, skippoda,
what is comedy?

All that is funny
around us, it is.

A better place it makes
the universe. Yes.

Hurry it up,
will ya, Skippy?

We ain't got
all day here.

Cranky she is.
My aunt slappy she is.

Skippoda, I want
to save my sister

and defeat
girth plotz.

Do not just
concentrate on plotz.

You need to work on
the jokes.

What's this?

Big mallet, it is.

Big comedy prop.

Faboo!

Is this how ya use it?

[Grunting]

Aah!

Swing hard you must
to get the big laugh.

Now try.

Oh, no.

Aah!

Ow! Ouch! Hey!

Knock it off!
Hoo hoo hoo!

Hee hee hee!
Ha ha ha!

Now, that's comedy.

Skippoda: yes,
feel the face.

Be the face.

Freeze the face.

Gooky it is.

Slappy: the face is
strong in this one.

Use the gooky.

Defuse tense situations
with humor.

It works many times.

Control the funny face,

and you can save
the galaxy.

Thanks, skippoda!

May the face be with you.

Narf! I now present
his royal bombosity,

uh, ruler of all
that is edible,

flabby the butt.

I gotta get a new agent.

Hey, quit shovin',
will ya?

Bok-kaw!

[Gobbling]

Ah-ha!

Soho, you are
my c*ptive.

Hey, flabby, nice chins.
You look great.

Have you lost weight?

Ptoui!

Ok, a little touchy
about the weight thing.

I understand.

We had a deal, Soho!

Now, flabby,
I can explain.

You promised to deliver
a pizza to me--

[Slobber]

In 30 parsecs or less.

Hey, come on,
it was in the middle
of a meteor shower.

You failed, and now you die!

[Slobber]

Seems a bit harsh,
don't ya think?

Why not just
cut back on the tip?

Throw them
into the pit of fear!

[Creature howls]

Arrrr...

[Feebly]
Bok-Kaw...

no, flabby! Wait!
I know it's late,

but don't you still
want your pizza?

[Slobbers]

Neutron-hot,
just the way ya like it.

Aw...Ok.

You got it!

Aaah!
Aaah!

[Barney voice]
Ha ha ha ha ha!

Will you be
my special friends?

Ha ha ha!
[Guards scream]

[Screams]

Chewbooboo, don't forget.
He wanted extra cheese.

[Screams]

[Burps]

Hoo hah! Good show,
yakk Soho!

Hello,
interplanetary nurse.

Napkin?

Yakk: to the mega star!

This is it, Pinky-o,
our moment of truth.

Are you pondering
what I'm pondering?

Um, I think so, Brain-2,

but a show about


Hoo! It'll never
get on the air.

No, Pinky-O.
I have the plans
to the mega star.

Once inside,
we will seize control
and rule the galaxy!

Yakk: we're heeerrre!

General plotz, ve haf
begun transmission
of boring programming

throughout the cosmos.

Good. The process
of removing all humor
from the universe

is underway.

Your stupefying evil
will prevail.

Let's hope so.

You guys go ahead.

There's something
I have to do alone.

Are you going to
face girth plotz

in a one-on-one fight
to the death?

Nah. I'm gonna use

the little
squirrels' room.

Space travel really
rattles my raisins.

Say, isn't that
the minifridge

general plotz
has been looking for?

Gee, I don't know.

Zat looks more
like a bread maker.

No, no, no, no.
I have one of those.

Maybe it's
a crock-pot

or a space heater.

No. It's, eh, uh...

a floor polisher.

Huh? Oh, sure!
That's it.

Ja! You is
a floor polisher.

You are?

Yes!

And...
my colleague and I

have been assigned
to polish all the floors

in the mega star.

Oh! Zat's nice.

And we'll start
by cleaning

the coffee-stained
floors of the very
control room

where girth plotz
beams his programming

to poor,
unsuspecting planets.

Ja! Zat's a good place
to start.

Ok. Bye-bye.
Have Ze funzies, now.

And all this time,
I thought we were robots.

Guh!

[Buzzes]

Hi. We've come
to rescue you.

My brother!

My sister!

My siblings!

My favorite Martian!

My friend flicka!

My left foot!

My, my, my!

Aah!
Aah!
Aah!

[All scream]

My, what a relief
that's over.

Oof! Pardon me.
Excuse me.

That voice.

Slappy wanna nappy?

Girth plotz!

I haven't seen you

since you
took my cartoons
off the air.

Yes! Because
they made no sense!

No! Because you have
no sense of humor!

Unh!

Unh!
Uhh!

The nerve center
of the mega star, Pinky-O.

We made it.

Egad, Brain-2! Look!

These heavy-traffic
areas are horribly
soiled. Zort!

We'll never
get them clean.

We are not here
to polish floors, Pinky-O.

My dream of galactic rule
is about to come true.

Once I take control,

the galaxy will bow down
on its knees before me!

Oh, then we'll need to
really work

on these tough stains.

No one wants
dirty knees.

[Both grunting]

Ah--

grrrrrr!

Nooo!

[Grunting and shouting]

Work it, kid. That's it.
Go for the punch line.

Hey! Unh! I thought
you just d*ed. Unh!

Nah. Dyin's too easy.

It's comedy that's hard.

All set, Brain-2.

Here we go.

On 3, 2, 1,
and--

Narrator on Tv: by 1911,
paddleball had not yet
reached Iceland--

Brain-2: greetings.

Huh?
Huh?
Huh?

We interrupt
this deadly dull program

to bring you
an important message.

I am Brain-2-me-2,
the new ruler of your galaxy.

Oh...
oh...
oh...

unh!

Unh!

Uhh!
Unh! Oh!

Now what do I do?

Use the gooky.

Defuse tense situations
with humor.

It works many times.

You've lost, skylicker!
The galaxy is mine!

What is with that face?

It's ridiculous.
S-Stop it. Stop it.

No--no, really.

It's the silliest thing
I've ever seen!

[Laughing]
It's nutty! Stop!

Oh-ho! Sto--
ha ha ha ha!

As your ruler, I will expect
strict discipline

and unwavering loyalty
from all of my subjects.

What are you doing?
I'm in the middle
of a broadcast.

Huh?
Huh?
Huh?

Go away, will you?
That's highly annoying.

[Laughing]

What's that guy doing?

Will you please
cease this silliness?

[Laughing]

It's
hilarious.

There's something funny
on Tv again.

We're saved!
We're saved!

No, this isn't a joke.

Honestly,
I'm--I'm in control.
[Laughing]

Ha ha ha ha!

I--I am
your ruler--

ha ha ha ha! Really!

Never mind.

[Laughing]

[Laughing]

[Laughing]

Ah, like music to my ears.

[Everyone on the planet
laughing]

Ha ha ha!

Good is the laughter.
Yes.

[Cheering]

May the nurse be with you!
May the nurse be with you!

Come, Pinky-O.

We must catch
the space shuttle

back to our
home planet of acme

and prepare for
the next millennium.

Gee, Brain-2,

what are we gonna do
in the next millennium?

The same thing we do
every millennium,
Pinky-O.

Try to take over
the galaxy!

Brain-2: I am not
a refrigerator.

Chorus: ♪ dot dot dot dot ♪