04x15 - It Had to Be Ew

[bunniefuu]

Reg-- tuna melt, please.

Coming right up.

I'm sure it will be.

Wow, is it
lunchtime already?

That means I've
been sitting here

Doing nothing
for two whole hours.

You've been
sitting here doing nothing

For two
whole years.

Hey, jake,

While I'm heating up a can,

Do you want a tuna melt?

No, thanks.
Amanda and I

Are meeting for lunch.

Oh, how is amanda?

She hasn't been
around for a while.

Well, she hasn't had time.

She got a great new job
at a record company.

Oh, good for her.

Yeah, good for us.

We haven't had to watch you
run your hands all over her

Like she was
written in braille.

Yeah, all that fondling
and groping.

I miss amanda.

Jake:
Oh, yeah, since the annulment,

We've been getting
along great.

You know,
we're still living together,

But now
we're just dating.

So it's kind of
like you're working backwards.

Yes, you've
already gotten

Married and divorced.

Before you know it, you'll
have never even met her.

Hey, everybody.

Hey.
Hey.

Jake, I have
a surprise for you.

Close your eyes
and don't peek.
Okay.

How about I leave my eyes
open and don't peek?

Oh, right.

Well, I have tickets
for a concert tonight.

Oh, great.

Yeah, we're going
to take a limo

And we have
backstage passes.

Oh, fantastic.

It's for neil diamond!

I can't go.

Why not?

Uh, I forgot,
I have to go

To my nana's for
dinner tonight.

Oh, can't you go
another night?

Well, nana doesn't
have many nights left.

Neither does neil diamond.

Jake, come on.

This concert is
a big deal for me.

I had to beg my boss
for an extra ticket.

I can't go alone.

Well, you won't be alone.

You'll be there
with neil diamond

And 4,000 hearing aids.

Please, please, don't
make me do this.

I hate him.

Well, that's
what relationships

Are all about--
doing things you hate

With somebody you love.

Fine, I'll go
with someone else.

Okay, amanda, I'd be honored
to be your escort.

Oh, that's so sweet.

Reggie, can you go?

I would, but,
you know,

I have my regular
Tuesday night... Thing.

I get together with a
group of people who...

Also don't want to
see neil diamond.

I'll go.

I like neil diamond.

(laughter)

Oh, come on.

You know, his old stuff's
really good.

It's all old stuff.

Thank you, john.

I will pick you up
here at 5:00.

Oh, that sounds good.

That's the last time
you'll say that tonight.

Well, great, now you've got

Someone to go with,
so, so we're okay.

Sure. Since I know that
you won't do something

That you don't like for me,
I can think of some things

That you like
that I won't do for you.

But you like those things, too.

She likes those things.

Oh, becker, remember it's
a neil diamond concert,

So you're going
to want to wear...

That.

I know I'm late, but my subway
got stuck in the tunnel.

Then I couldn't get a cab,
so I had to walk 47 blocks.

You overslept?

Well, excuse me for trying
to dress it up a little.

Margaret,

I'm not that late.

You didn't have
to replace me.

I'll work harder,
I'll come in earlier.

Linda, that's judy.

She's only here temporarily
to help with the books.

Oh, just a temp?

About that working harder
stuff... Never mind.

Hi, judy, nice to meet you.

I'm linda.

Oh, nice
to meet you, too.

If you have any
questions at all,

Just ask me or margaret.

Well, actually,
I did have a question.

What does this code mean?

Uh, that's a
margaret question.

Oh, um, okay, what about
these numbers in green?

Sorry, margaret question.

So, what exactly do you do here?

Again, a margaret question.

I'm leaving early tonight.

I'm going to a neil
diamond concert.

Wow, neil diamond's cool.

Really?

You think so?

Sure.

He's not like
that neil young guy.

You know, that old fart who
wears the rhinestone jumpsuits

And sings
those cheesy love songs?

Right, right, right.

Neil, neil young-- hate him.

Okay, john, mr. Sarney's
vital signs are fine.

He's got his prescriptions.

Oh, good.

Well, you know, with
a little bit of luck,

We'll be able to squeeze
a few more years

Out of that colon of yours.

Thanks.

See you at the concert.

Yeah.

(all laughing)

Hey, reg.

Coffee, please.

So, how was neil diamond?

When the show was over,

Did all the ladies throw
their teeth on stage?

Yeah, was anybody
in the audience

Able to give him a
standing ovation?

All right, all right, all right.

So I saw neil diamond.

Leave me alone, will you?

It was no big deal.

There he is--

The man of the hour.

Oh, finally,
you're talking to me.

Not you-- john.

Did he tell you guys how he
got up on stage last night?

He pulled you on stage?

Oh...
Did he sing to you?

Come on.

(laughter)

He did not sing to me.

It turns out his drummer
had a little problem.

Incontinence?

No, no.

He had a little
heart problem, I...

In the middle
of "cracklin' rosie,"

I sort of had
to pound on his chest.

And john saved him.

You guys, it
was amazing.

Without you, there wouldn't
have been an encore.

Yeah,
"coming to america"--

That, that was wonderful,
wasn't it?

Oh, um, and john, I'm sorry
I forgot to bring them,

But I'll be home tonight
if you want to stop by

And pick up all your
concert goodies.

"concert goodies"?
Yeah,

Ne-ne-never mind,
th-that's all right.

Oh, yeah, he bought
this signed t-shirt

And a mug and
a satin jacket

And this heart-like
key chain and...

I know what I got,
all right?

I'll try to pick
'em up, thanks.

Okay, great, well,
I'll see you later.

All right.

Oh, and john, I want you to know

How proud I was
to be with you last night.

(murmuring)

Amanda, um, about not going

To the concert last night--
I'd like to think

That you and I have
the kind of relationship

Where you won't
t*rture me over this.

Think what you want.

Come on, amanda, wait up.

Amanda.

Wow, becker.

Amanda was totally
hitting on you.

Oh, bob, I think
you're just reacting

To the fact
that someone actually

Had a good time with becker.

Yeah.

Hey, you know what?

Screw you, reg.

Come on, becker, she couldn't

Keep her hands off you.

You're crazy.
Oh, really?

She said you were
"the man of the hour."

She said that she was
proud to be with you.

And how about the fact
that she conveniently

Left your souvenirs
at her place?

She said she forgot them.

Women don't
forget anything.

She wants you to come
up there, becker.

So what? You know,
they live together.

Jake will be there.

Ten to one, jake
won't be there.

My guess is, she'll
send him away

So you two
can be alone.

Oh, please, she's not going
to send him away.

Then she'll try
to get you drunk

And have her
way with you.

Oh, this is just
getting silly.

Look, jake and amanda
are a couple.

Think about it, becker.

She hooked up with
a newsstand guy after one day.

You're a doctor.

She's obviously
looking to trade up.

Where do you get
these things?

I see movies, I read tabloids.

You might say I have
a p*rn memory.

Any messages, linda?

On a break here.

Actually, a couple
of calls did come in.

Oh?

Oh, look at that.

Times, numbers, and names.

That's so much more helpful
than "the fat guy called."

Yeah.

Nice job, judy.

"nice job, judy."

So, how are you
coming along?

Fine.

I finished
the first two quarters

And now I'm working
on the third.

Oh, well, don't
go too fast now.

We want to hold on to
you as long as we can.

You know, margaret,
I notice you going

Out of your way
to pat judy on the back,

But how about a little
credit for me?

After all, if I had even
the slightest idea

How to do judy's job,
you'd have never even met her.

So I think the words

You're looking for
are "thank you."

Oh, those aren't the
words I'm looking for.

(knocking)

Oh, hi, john, come in.

Hi, I'm just here
to pick up my concert stuff.

Hey, jake!

Oh, jake's not here.

He's not?

No, I asked him to go
pick something up for me.

So... So you sent him away?

It's just the two of us?

Yeah.

I was about to have
a glass of wine.

You want some?

Wine, huh?

Uh... I, you know,

I probably shouldn't.

Let me just get my stuff
and I'll, and I'll go.

Hey, hey, hey, hey,
what's the rush?

I mean, with all the
excitement last night,

We hardly got a
chance to talk.

Come on, don't make
me drink alone.

I'll go get you a glass.

You know, everyone
at work could not

Stop talking about how great
you were last night.

The way you just rushed up on
stage and saved that man's life.

It was amazing, it was like
something out of a movie.

Well, I'm, I'm a doctor
and the guy was in trouble.

That's what I do...

Is jake, jake's coming back
pretty soon?

Oh, no, he had to go
into the city,

So he's going
to be gone for hours.

Hey, john, why don't you,
uh, why don't you sit down?

Not there, silly.

Sit here next to me.

Okay.

Are, are you
all right?

You, you look so
uncomfortable.

That's how I always look.

Well, um, do, do you want
to take your coat off?

No, I-I don't think
that'd be wise.

Okay.

Well, here's to a
great night last night.

(sighs)

You know, I'm so glad
that we finally got

A chance to spend
some time together.

'cause I-I really
feel like I've gotten

To know you better,
and it's nice.

Okay, all right, amanda,
this is just wrong.

What are you talking about?

I, I know
you're attracted to me.

Attracted to you?

Me?

Ew.

So, so you're not?

No.

Oh.

Oh, well, th--
that's great, I'm...

(laughs)

Yeah, can you imagine
how uncomfortable that would be?

Yeah, really.

I'll just go get your stuff.

All right, that's great,
great, great...

(laughing)

"ew"?

Hey, jake.

Hey, john, I'm sorry
I missed you last night.

Oh, so amanda told
you I was there, huh?

She tell you
anything else?

Oh, no.

Just said that you came by
and got your concert stuff.

So you're fine
with that, huh?

Yeah, and frankly
I'm glad it's out the house.

All right, I'll see you later.

I got to go to the bank.

Yeah.

So bob was right on the money.

What?

You and amanda were alone.

Sit, tell me everything.

There's nothing to tell.

I was only there
five minutes.

Five minutes?

So you stuck
around after, huh?

Bob, nothing happened,
all right?

Amanda is not the least bit
interested in me.

Are you sure?

Oh, yeah, I'm sure.

I asked her,

And she was disgusted
and repulsed.

They always are
at first.

Doesn't mean a thing.

Trust me, my friend.

I think
you got a live one.

Hi.

Hey.

Do me a favor,
will you?

Use the word "ew" in a sentence.

You mean like,

"ew, I just stepped
in something disgusting"?

Like that?

Yeah, yeah, like that.

Why?

Well, bob told me that amanda
was interested in me, so I...

You listened to bob?

That was dumb.

Yeah, I just wanted
to find out if he was wrong,

So I, so I asked her.

Know what she said?

"ew."

Oh.

Yeah, yeah.

And she made
that exact same face, too.

Well, it's no big deal, becker.

I'm sure it's not the first time

You've ever gotten
that reaction.

Yes, as a matter of fact,
it was.

Well, why do you care
what amanda thinks anyway?

No, it's, it's not about amanda.

It's what she represents.

I mean, did something happen
to me when I wasn't looking?

Did I, did I cross
some sort of line, you know,

Where a woman like that

Could no longer
be attracted to me?

Did I officially turn into "ew"?

These things are never official.

You're making quite a
splash around here...

Judy.

Thanks.

Too bad it's just
a... Temp job.

Yeah, but margaret
keeps making comments

About wishing
I could stay.

Really?

Mm-hmm.

Well, margaret says
a lot of things.

She just doesn't
remember all of them.

I don't understand.

She drinks, judy.

She's drunk pretty
much all day long.

I've never
seen her drunk.

You've never
seen her sober.

Actually...

Between margaret's
drinking

And "dr. Feelgood"
in there...

What do you mean?

Let's just say dr. Becker
likes to play "doctor."

Oh, I just
can't believe that.

Margaret:
Linda.

Keep an eye on things.

I need to run down the street
and pick up my cleaning.

No problem.

Every day about
this time,

She needs to pick up
her... "cleaning."

Dr. Becker,
I'm glad you're back.

Why? What did you do?

Nothing.
I'm just happy to see you.

Oh.

You know, l-let me...

Let me ask you
something, linda.

Don't get the wrong
idea here, but do...?

Do you think I'm attractive?

You mean, as a man?

Yes, linda, as a man.

Gee, I can't answer that.

I know you too well.

Oh, yeah,
probably right.

Dr. Becker, wait.

You know what
you should do?

You should ask someone
who doesn't know you at all.

Someone who'd be more objective.

Someone like... Judy.

That's a very good idea.

Thank you, linda.

Sure.

Oh, margaret,

I'm glad you're back.

Why? What did you do?

Nothing.

I was out earlier
and I saw the cutest shoes,

So I bought a pair for me
and some for you, too.

Oh, linda, that's so sweet.

But you know I have trouble
walking in a heel this high.

I know, but these are
the most comfortable shoes

I've ever had on.

I think you'll like 'em.

Well, can't hurt
to try them on.

That's all I ask.

Oh, judy,
I'm glad you're back.

Dr. Becker wants to see you.

Do you have
any idea what he wants?

Yeah, I'm afraid I do.

Linda said you
wanted to see me.

Oh, yeah. Um... Yeah.

Come on in, judy.

Shut the door, come in.

Yes?

Sit, please.

Judy, uh, I couldn't
help but notice,

You are a very attractive
young woman.

Thank you?

Let me ask you something.

Do you think I'm attractive?

I don't think that has anything
to do with my job.

No, no, no,
of course it doesn't.

This is just
personal between us.

Look, uh... You know,

If y-- if you were
to pass me on the street,

Would you think,
"hey, I'd like to date him"?

Dr. Becker,

You're my boss.

Well, I-- well,
just forget about that

For a second, will you?

You know, I'm a man,
you're a woman, come on.

I mean, what,
what would you think?

Dr. Becker, I-I don't
know how to answer that.

Well, I'd ask linda,

But we've already
been through all of this, so...

J-just tell me,
wha-what would you say?

I can't!

Margaret (laughing):
Ooh, I don't know,

Linda... I feel like
I'm going to fall down!

Maybe, maybe I should
hold on to something.

This is too
much for me.

I'm sorry.

I can't work here.

What's wrong with her?

She drinks, margaret.

Hey, ladies.

Lose something?

Not that much, no.

Are you
still hung up

About that
amanda thing?

No, no.

But it happened to me again.

Some woman at the office
had a similar reaction,

Except she didn't say "ew."

She just screamed and ran.

You hit on a patient?

Oh, of course not.

A temp.

And then,
just a minute ago,

T-two women walked by me
like I was completely invisible.

Come on, becker.

You can't expect younger women
to be attracted to you

The way they once were...
Probably.

Why not?

It's just the way it is.

Why can't men accept that?

Because it's not fair,
that's why.

It's a part of
life, becker.

People move on,
they get older.

Even pro golfers have to
move on to the senior tour.

Oh, geez.

Great.

Give me some plaid pants
and a jaunty little cap,

And I'll be on my way.

You gonna be okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

It's not like
I can do anything about it.

What did you mean
when you said "ew"?

What are you
talking about?

The other night,
when I thought you were,

You know, attracted, maybe,
to me, you said "ew."

I want to know what you meant.

Oh, yeah, that.

Well, it totally
came out the wrong way

Because I didn't
mean it as an insult.

Well, it wasn't
a compliment.

Was it?

No, w-what I meant
was that, that

Jake is your best friend
and he's my boyfriend,

And for me to be interested in
his best friend would be "ew."

Oh! "ew."

Exactly.

Well, so this had nothing
to do with me personally.

Of course not.

John, you're
a very attractive man.

Oh, you don't
have to say that.

You really think so?

Yeah, I do, absolutely.

Hi, amanda.

Hey, jake.
Hi, baby.

Oh, john. Hey, should
I be worried that I'm not home

And you're here alone
with another man?

Who, john?
Yuck.

Yeah, w-what were
you thinking, buddy?

Hey, I'll see you guys later.

You cr*ck me up.

"yuck"?