01x15 - Activate Your Choices

[bunniefuu]

[ upbeat blues theme playing ]

MAN [ over TV ]:
Stay tuned.

Good Morning New York
will be right back.

Morning, losers.

Oh, not again.

That's right. Bob's back.

I was feeling generous today,
so I thought I'd throw some coin

in the direction of someone
less fortunate.

I picked you.

Even if you did stomp all over

Bob's emotions years ago.

Oh, cut the crap, Bob.

The only reason you come in here
is to relive some sick fantasy

you had about me in high school.

Bob is hurt.

He's not saying you're wrong,
but he's hurt.

Morning.
Reg, omelet, extra cheese.

In a minute, Becker.

I'm watching
Good Morning New York

and it's just about
to come back on.

I'm hungry.

You'll live.

There's a doctor on
who's just written a book

called Activate
Your Choices.

Her theory is that
we screw up our own lives

because we allow other people
to make our choices for us.

Well, yeah,
let me make one for you:

Change the channel.

That would be
my choice.

Forget it. My diner, my TV.

Just like high school.

Still struttin' around
like Miss High-and-Mighty.

Hey, watch it.
That's hot!

Yet oddly stimulating.

BECKER:
Oh, for God's sake, Reg.

How--? How can you
buy into this,

this one-size-fits-all
crap psychology?

I mean, are people
so intellectually bankrupt

they have to glom on
to every snake oil salesman

that comes along with the latest
instant cure for human misery?

I mean, am I right?

Bob doesn't even know
what the hell you just said.

Quiet, it's coming back on.

WOMAN:
I really started
to activate my choices

when I was with
my second husband.

In the book,
I refer to him as "Angry Man."

In a way,
he's the one responsible

for me writing this.

Oh, please. She's no doctor
and she's no writer.

She's not even a real blond.

[ TV clicks off ]

Oh, come on, Becker,

how could you know
anything about her?

She's my ex-wife.

[ register dings ]

Get outta here.

She's your ex-wife?
Jake, you gotta see this.

Blind.

Right.

She's the woman
that you left.

Yeah. Yeah,
good old Sandra.

She was activating her choices

with just about every guy
she ever met.

She has the high fashion,
uptown look Bob finds very hot.

She'd crush you like a bug.
Oh, yeah?

You don't know Bob.
He's one tough little insect.

So you're the Angry Man
she's been talking about?

Ah, you know how it
is when you're married,

you have these cute
little names for each other.

So, what was your name
for her?

Castrating Bitch from Hell.

[ slowly ]:
Mrs. Ahn,
do you have insurance?

Insu--?

[ speaking quickly
in Chinese ]

Um...

Margaret,
maybe I can help.

No, it's okay, Linda.
I can deal with it.

Um, in-sur-ance.

[ speaking in Chinese ]

Um...

[ speaking in Chinese ]

♪ Like a good neighbor...

[ Speaks in Chinese, laughs ]

Yes, yes, insurance.

No.

She doesn't have any.

I got that.

You speak Chinese?

Oh, my old boyfriend
taught me some Mandarin.

I was getting pretty good
and then he just took off.

Turns out he left the country

to avoid prosecution
for car theft.

Thank God, 'cause I thought,
"Oh, it's me again."

[ speaking in Chinese ]

[ laughing ]

You speak Chinese?

Margaret,
get my lawyer on the phone.

Linda speaks Chinese.

I don't care.
Just call my lawyer.

You don't have a lawyer,
remember?

He quit and went back into
teaching because of you.

Well, j-j-just get me
any lawyer, will ya?

I gotta sue my ex-wife.

Look at that. Look at this.

Oh, my God.
Yeah.

What'd she say
about you?

W-w-what didn't she say?

I got my own page
in the index.

And she calls me
the Angry Man.

Me. You believe that?

I'd like to take
that stupid book

and just ram it
down her throat.

Yeah, she doesn't
know you at all.

All right, let's go,
John Becker. Here.

Javier Cruz is in 1,
Mr. Schwartz is in 2.

He needs the dressing changed
on that nasty abscess.

Oh, you wanna
do that one for me?

I just ate a cheese omelet.

That's your tough luck.

Mrs. Cruz, Javier,
what's going on?

He started complaining
about stomach pains.

I kept him home from school,
but it's not getting better.

It's not better, right?
Right.

Where's the pain?

He says
in his stomach.

In your stomach, right?
Right.

Excuse me, excuse me.

How long have you been
feeling that?

It started
on Sunday night.

I gave him some medicine,
but it didn't work.

It didn't work, right?
Right.

Has anyone
ever prescribed a sedative?

He's got a stomachache.
Why does he need a sedative?

It's for you,
Mrs. Cruz.

Mom needs
to calm down, right?

Right.

Oh, I'm sorry.
Look, it's just a crazy time.

In two weeks,
we're moving to Tennessee.

On purpose?

Yes. My husband got
a new job down there.

Congratulations.
Enjoy the music.

Okay, there's no fever,
no tenderness.

I wanna do a blood count,
then I'll re-examine him.

If he's still not better,

I'll order a CAT scan and--
And we'll check his appendix.

Whatever you have to do.
He's been in a lot of pain.

It's painful,
right, mi hijo?

Mrs. Cruz.

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, Dr. Becker.

Soon I'm gonna be
out of the Bronx

and all this craziness.

I won't need a sedative
in Tennessee.

But they got 'em there
just in case, right?

Right.

"Angry Man."

Well, that explains
so much.

All this time, I thought
you were just having

one bad day after another.

[ speaking in Chinese ]

Listen to this.

"I was sitting in a colleague's
car discussing a project

when the Angry Man
appeared out of nowhere

and smashed in the windshield
with a two-iron."

[ laughing ]

Morning.

REGGIE:
Hey, Becker, question.

A guy cuts me off
in traffic.

I'm so angry, I wanna
smash in his windshield.

Should I go with an iron
or pull out my driver?

[ laughing ]

She put that in there?

That's a lie.

Then you didn't do it?

I did it, all right,
but it was her boyfriend's car

and they weren't
even in it at the time.

You know something?

I oughta write my own book

and list all the other men
she cheated on me with.

Oh, whoa, John,
before you get too righteous,

when you met Sandra,
she was your friend's wife.

Yeah.

So that would make you
the other man.

Yeah, well, it was supposed
to make me the other man

to end all other men.

So that would make you
the mother of all other men.

Sounds like you're still
carrying a torch for her.

Yeah, yeah, like the villagers
carried one for Frankenstein.

Ugh. I hate her.

So I take it, then,

you will not be seeing her
while she's in town.

What, are you crazy?
Why--? Why would I?

Well, that's easy.
She makes ya hot.

Oh, hot my ass.
She makes me sick.

You know, as far
as I'm concerned,

that witch can burn
in hell.

John, how did I know
you'd be here?

You're evil?

I take it
you've read the book.

Damn right. You're looking
at a big lawsuit, Sandra.

I meant no harm,
and if it's any consolation,

I think the book's
gonna empower a lot of people.

Big lawsuit.
Lots of lawyers, lots of pain.

Fine.

My attorney
came with me from Boston.

We can get started right now.

Ah, crap.

SANDRA:
Come on in.

I'd like to introduce
the man

who inspired
Activate Your Choices,

Dr. John Becker.

Lesley Brooks, my assistant.
Tom Fletcher.

Tom's from the same firm
who handled our divorce.

Oh, right, Tom.
Well, here you go, Tom.

Now you have it all.

Why don't we finish up
in the morning?

John has some issues
with the book,

so we need to discover
some neutral ground

where we can negotiate
our differences.

No, we don't. I'm just gonna
scream at you, then go home.

Are you going to be
all right with him?

Hey, partner,
she's gonna be fine.

Why--? Why don't you
just call your office?

Maybe there's someone that
missed getting screwed today.

I really resent that.

Well, then, my work is done.

And you said
I wasn't fair to you.

Oh, that doesn't count.
I mean, he's a lawyer.

You know, I actually
look forward

to the day
when we can hunt them.

John, I am really glad

you activated the choice
to find me.

W-when--? When did you start
talking like that?

"Choices, issues, empowerment."

You sound like you stepped
out of a giant pod.

I've grown
since we were together.

I've acquired the language
of someone

who's become self-aware.

No, no, no,
Gandhi was self-aware.

All you did
was get a better outfit.

John, I'm unclear.

What is it you want?

I-I told you, I just want you
to know how pissed off I am.

You could have done that
over the phone.

You didn't have to come
all the way down here

when you're so busy.

Do you wanna take a shower?

What?

I can't think of
any other reason

why you'd come all this way
to see me in person.

Oh, please.

Do us both a favor

and deactivate a choice
for a change.

Okay. You have every right
to be mad.

I did exaggerate
and bend the truth for effect.

But you know what, John?

There's one thing
I did leave out of the book.

The fact that you are still
the most interesting man

I've ever been with.

You sure?
That was a hell of a long list.

I tell you what,

I'm gonna write another book
about the good times,

and there were
some very good times.

I wouldn't have to take
dramatic license there,

would I, John?

No.

Of course I wouldn't.

Mm.

Mm.

No, no, no,
wait, wait, wait.

Just stay right there,
will you, please?

I know what you're doing,

and it's not gonna work
this time.

I'm not playing this game.

I'm gonna go home
and I'm gonna take a shower.

Alone.

You're sure?

The John I know would never
refuse an offer like that.

Yeah, well, you're not
the only one who's changed.

John, I know I've done some
selfish and thoughtless things.

I've been unfaithful, deceitful
and even destructive.

But I've learned to accept that
about myself.

Why can't you?

Well, maybe I'm just

not as good a person
as you are.

Morning, Margaret.

Morning, Angry Man.

Oh, don't tell me you're
actually reading that crap.

She got you down, John Becker.

[ giggling ]

You smashing that windshield,
I almost wet my pants.

I was laughing so hard,

people on the train
thought I was crazy.

That's enough,
Margaret.

[ laughing ]

Wow, this is amazing.

This is the most moving,
inspiring, wonderful book

I've ever read in my whole life.

Yeah, let me tell you
something about that book.

That is filled with vicious,
hateful lies,

written by a vindictive,
selfish shrew

who is just out to get me.

You know Maya Angelou?

Oh, uh...

No, ne-- Never mind.

Doctor, what is it?
Do you know anything?

What's wrong with Javier?

Mrs. Cruz, I want you
to step out for a minute.

I wanna have
a private chat with Javier.

Dios mío,
I knew something was wrong.

What is it?
Come on, you can tell me.

There's nothing to tell.
His tests are fine.

I just wanna have
a little chat with him.

Oh, okay.

Um, mijo,
I'll be right outside.

I think-- I think
we all knew that.

Okay, what's going on?

What's going on with what?

I can't find anything wrong
with your stomach.

I think there's something else
going on.

Just between you and me?

Of course.

You heard about all the
break-ins the last few nights

up and down Jerome Avenue?

Yeah. Yeah, I read about 'em
in the paper.

Climbing up fire escapes
and going through the windows.

Well, I know the guys
who are doing it

and, uh, they've been
after me to go with them.

Ah.

And I assume just saying no
is not an option.

My friend said no
and they messed him up real bad.

Well, don't worry
about that,

that's not gonna happen,
all right?

W-why didn't you
tell your mom?

You're driving
her nuts, man.

I mean, that's not something
she needs a lot of help with.

I can't tell her.

You see what she's like.
She'd make it worse.

All right, all right.

I'll tell you what,
I'll deal with your mom.

I-I can't fake a stomachache
for two more weeks.

And if I go back to school,

these guys,
they'll be all over me.

I mean, what am I
supposed to do?

How about
I break your leg?

Oh, my God.
What happened?

I thought it was
your stomach.

It was,
but this is even better.

What are you talking about?
What is he talking about?

Mrs. Cruz,
go back to my office.

I'll explain everything,
I promise.

Have a seat.

John, did you really get in
a fight with Santa Claus?

It was a Christmas party,
he was our neighbor,

and I caught him under the tree
unwrapping my wife.

[ laughing ]

Hey, Reg.
BLT, please.

Coming right up.

So did you, uh, go downtown
to see your ex-wife?

Well, I know I said I wouldn't,
but, yes, I did.

Ooh. Twenty bucks right here.

Y-you bet on that?

Did ya sleep with her?

No, I didn't sleep with her.

Give it right back.

I can't believe this.

You bet that I would sleep
with my ex-wife?

You're a guy.
The odds were with me.

Hello, losers.

And this time
I'm talking to you.

Bob just finished reading
your ex-wife's book.

Usually you have to drill a hole
in a tree to get a sap like you.

Now I gotta hear this from you?

Hey, listen up, everybody,
let's get this straight.

Yes, I went back there,
but I'm glad I did, you know.

I got to tell her off.

You know how you never think
about the perfect thing to say

until you're in the car
on the way home?

Not this time.

I thought of the perfect thing
in front of her.

What'd you say?

I looked her
right in the eye, and I said:

"Well, maybe I'm just not
as good a person as you are."

You monster.

Did you videotape it
for When Pansies att*ck?

No, no, no,
you had to be there.

So when you
going back, Becker?

I'm not going back.

Oh, Becker,
you're going back.

But don't be ashamed.

Everybody has someone
like that.

Yeah, someone who's wrong
for them, but they can't resist.

BOB:
Tell me about it.

I've been trying to scale
"Mount Reggie" for 20 years.

JAKE:
For me...

Ah, Denise.

Somebody up there
wasn't looking out for me

when I met that woman.

I mean, she never
cared a damn minute

about anybody but herself,
but, no, I couldn't resist.

I just kept running right back.

What happened to her?
Nothing.

I'm seeing her Saturday night.

What about you, Reg?

Oh, please, I've never
had a relationship

that wasn't destructive.

Which is why I know
you're going back.

I-I'm not going back.
I was right, she was wrong.

I won. She knows that.

No way I'm doing anything
to ruin that.

You probably figured
I'd come back, didn't ya?

No. You told me you were
never coming back

and I believed you.

Oh. Well, good.

I just wanted to make sure
you were clear on that.

And-- And you are.

You wanna come in?
No, I'm fine right here.

John, it's kind of late.
We gonna disturb people.

That's a good point.
I'll, uh-- I'll come in.

So you were saying?

I was saying
that it's finally over.

That's all, you know. Ahem.

I Just wanted to make sure
you understood that

'cause it's probably
the last time

your ever gonna see me, Sandra.

I know, John,

but I guess that's just the way
it has to be.

Can I take your coat?

No, no, no, I'm--
I'm not staying.

That's too bad. I was just
gonna offer you a glass of wine.

No, no wine. I'm leaving.

Bottle's already open.
Okay.

But, you know,
just 'cause it's...

Just 'cause it's open.

It just hit me, John.

I never really realized it
until this moment.

It's finally over.

That's right, Sandra.
It's finally over.

I came here last night
to say goodbye,

and what happened
doesn't change that.

It's still goodbye.
I know, John.

I heard you say it
last night

and also at 2 and 4
this morning.

Right. Well, I just wanted
to make sure you understood.

What are you writing?

I'm autographing
a copy of my book.

I added a little
personal note.

[ sighs ]

Okay.

But after we try this,
it's definitely over.

Becker, you're in early.

I just wanna grab one
of my smokes.

No offense,
but you look like hell.

Yeah, well,
I had a rough night.

Oh. A-- A patient?

Yeah.
Are they okay?

Yeah, they're fine.

Oh, what kind
of case was it?

It was a recurring condition.

Oh. Coffee?

Oh, all right, fine.
I went back to see Sandra.

That's what you wanted
to find out, wasn't it?

No, I totally bought
the patient story.

But this is better.

So did you get
the last word in again?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I believe my last words were,
"Where are my pants?"

God, Reg, I hate this.

She has power over me
and she knows it.

Well, I know you don't
wanna hear this, Becker,

but I'm glad you went back.

Why?

[ sighs ]

If you repeat this,
I'll deny it.

But I've always been
a little intimidated by you.

You're this hotshot
doctor,

you walk around like you're
better than everyone else,

like we're all dirtying up
your world.

And then this woman comes along
who cheats on you,

breaks your heart,

and writes a book
making you look like an idiot.

And you go crawling
back to her.

And not just once.

Again and again.

You're just as screwed up
as the rest of us.

You know, and I can honestly say
right at this moment, Becker,

I like you.

It's not exactly
my dream come true

to be liked for being pathetic.

That's not what I meant.

So you're saying that--

That you can only like me
if I hit bottom.

That you can only
connect to someone

if they're really low.

I mean, is that what
you've been waiting for?

For God's-- For God's sake, Reg,
what does that say about you?

It's not gonna work, Becker.
I still like you.

Putting on a little weight
there, aren't ya, Reg?

That'll do it.

[ upbeat blues theme playing ]