01x02 - Of Mouse and Man

[bunniefuu]

Gee. Brain,
what do you

Want to do tonight?

The same thing we do
every night, pinky--

Try to take over the world.

♪ They're pinky and the brain ♪

♪ Yes, pinky and the brain

♪ One is
a genius ♪

♪ The other's
insane ♪

♪ They're laboratory mice ♪

♪ Their genes
have been spliced ♪

♪ They're dinky ♪

♪ They're pinky and the brain ♪

♪ Brain, brain, brain

♪ Brain, brain, brain, brain

♪ Brain

♪ Before each night is done

♪ Their plan will be unfurled

♪ By the dawning of the sun

♪ They'll take over
the world ♪

♪ They're pinky and the brain ♪

♪ Yes, pinky and the brain

♪ Their twilight campaign

♪ Is easy to explain

♪ To prove their mousey worth

♪ They'll overthrow the earth ♪

♪ They're dinky ♪

♪ They're pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ Brain, brain, brain

♪ Brain, brain

♪ Brain, brain

Narf!

Man has
an evil side, pinky.

Um, front or back?

The dark side...

The dark side
that has created

Grotesque w*r machines,

Pollution-spilling
factories,

And now,
a hideous thing

That is spreading
across the world

Like a horrible plague--

Voice mail.

Narf.

Are you going to
stomp it out, brain?

Squash the bad,
bad thing?

Yes, pinky.

But not until
I have manipulated it

In a plan
of world domination.

Utilizing satellite
technology and these...

We will redirect

All global telephone
communication

Into an endless
voice mail system,

And once a person is
on the line,

The array and amount
of choices

Will render them
occupied, busy,

And unable
to defend the earth

For a full 72 hours--

More than enough time

For a well-prepared
mouse to seize control

Of the planet.

I see.

So, all we need is
a well-prepared mouse.

I am that mouse,
pinky.

Oh. Well,
there you are, then.

Job well done, brain.

Ha ha ha ha!

Narf!

Keep it up, pinky.

Donkey town needs
a new mayor.

The fact is,

What we really need
to set up the system

Is $1,614,000.

Egad, brain! That's going
to take a lot of money.

Pinky, we stand
on the threshold

Of world domination.

You have a choice.

You can listen closely
and provide assistance,

Or you can find
your head

Compressed inside
a walnut shell.

Hmm.

World domination,
walnut shell.

World domination--

[Muffled]
walnut shell.

There must be a way
to get this money

Without running
for congress.

Oh.

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Oof!

Have you been injured
in an on-the-job accident?

You may be entitled
to hundreds, thousands,

Even $1,614,000
in compensation.

Lenny parvik
got me $211.

Even though I am now
90% fudge,

It's o.k.,
'Cause lenny parvik

Got me $142.15
and some change.

[Sobbing]

Pinky...

Are you pondering
what I'm pondering?

I think so, brain.

But I get all clammy
inside the tent.

Sigmund freud
would have had

A field day
with you, pinky.

Oh, liked sports,
then, did he?

The plan, pinky.

I will get a job
at a large corporation,

Stage a hideous accident,

And then sue them
for $1,614,000

In workers'
compensation.

It will provide us
with the necessary funds

For our plan
of earthly rule.

Egad, brain.
Brilliant!

Oh, wait.
No, no.

Isn't that
horribly illegal?

Yes, but once
I rule the world,

I will return
the funds

And then have gerald ford
pardon me.

Take a memo.

Egad, brain.
Are you all right?

Yes. Fortunately,
my chest cavity

Is constructed
of a titanium alloy.

Oh! Be sure
to mention that

In your job
interview.

Aah!

Poit!

[Man]
impressive credentials.

You're certainly
qualified.

Now, brass tacks.
Are you married?

Yes, I have
a lovely wife

And two wonderful
young children.

Oh, that's too bad.

Frankly, we're
looking for someone

Who has no life.

Thank you.

Send in
the next candidate.

Mr. Brain.

Yes.

Well, well.

We're an eager beaver,
aren't we?

Actually, no.

I'm not related
to the beaver family

In any way.

[Laughs]

That's a good comeback.

Please be seated.

Mr. Brain,
as you know,

We at fiero and company
are re-re-insurers.

We provide insurance
to re-insurers

Who insure
insurance companies.

Is that lucrative?

Take a look.

Ahh.

Very impressive.

Princeton,
harvard business,

Six years
in the industry.

Tell me, mr. Brain,

What are your
long-term career goals?

I plan on taking over
the world.

You've got drive.
I like that.

But confidentially,

Taking over
the world's my job.

Ha ha ha!

Yes. Ha ha ha.

Now, brass tacks.
Are you married?

No. I do have
a...roommate,

But he's very busy
with his own activities.

Ooh!

Good, good.

Uh, one more thing.
About your...head.

Yes?

Isn't it
rather...small?

No, not for my race.

No! No,
of course not.
Your race.

Because you people
are such good...

Cooks,

With their little
heads and all.

Please, excuse me
for one second.

Carol, send
everyone else home.

I've got myself
a minority person!

Mr. Brain,
welcome to the world

Of re-re-insurance.

My gosh!

You people must have
ribs of steel!

Titanium alloy,
actually.

Aha!

Pinky, the accident
could be bluffed

By altering
the molecular matrix

Through a substrate
platform of microwaves.

Pinky?

Look, brain.
I made a choo-choo!

And me without
my video camera.

[Whimpers]

On the job
accident, pinky.

I've figured it out.

In the office
kitchen,

I will simply
stage an accident

Utilizing
the microwave oven

And the non-dairy
powdered creamer.

For, no one
really knows

How a microwave
works.

But why the powdered
creamer, brain?

No one really knows
how that works either.

Hey, professor.
Tuition's due.

[All gasp]

Whoa!
Look at this.

Hey, we got
a freak here.

Are you some kind
of freak?

Actually,
I'm a lab mouse

Involved in
an intricate plan

To take over
the world.

Oh, very funny.

You're a regular
gallagher!

You think
gallagher is funny?

Don't mess
with me, man.

Aah!

Help!

Oof!

[Cheering]

Wow, you should run

The police
department, man.

Oh, I will,
my friend.

I will.

This will be
your cubicle right here.

If you need
any office supplies,

Ask the office manager,

And she'll have them here
in two or three months.

Here's the company
policy on vacations,

On personal phone calls...

And sexual harassment.

Don't worry about this.

You're safe
as long as you avoid

All contact with humans.

My goal in life.

Ha ha ha!
I hear you.

What a mollusk.

"Dear brain,
I packed some things

For your new home away
from home. Pinky."

Man: uh, is that
your pet?

Excuse me?

That mouse.
Is that your pet mouse?

I keep mice.

You do?

Yeah. I feed them
to my pet snake.

[Shivers]

Name's howie--
your next-cubicle neighbor.

Put her there, pal.

Actually, my arm's
been acting up.

Bad...tennis elbow.

Tennis?

Oh, hey, let's play
sometime!

Ugh!

You should play golf!

Oh, brain!
Goody, you're back!

I've made
a yummy dinner--

Food pellets
with food pellets.

Please, pinky.
I've had a very tough day.

Oh, you have.

You've had
a tough day.

You?!

What about my day,
brain?

We always hear
about your day,

But what about mine?

"The boss" this
and "the boss" that.

La dee la dee da!

Narf!

Do you ever ask
what I did today?

Very well, pinky.

What did you do today?

Um...

Can't remember.

Anything?

Not a thing.

Now I know how
american gladiators

Stays on the air.

Pinky, you don't
understand the pressures,

The tension I'm under.

You don't know what
I'm up against,

It's very difficult,

The stressful tasks
I face every day.

Am I the only person
who makes coffee around here?

Oh, I'm sorry.

That's my fault.
[Giggles]

You're cute.

You know what
they say--

Big ears,
big earmuffs.

Aheh.

Hi. I'm gina fallow.

I--i'm the, uh,
mr. Brain.

Oh, why, mr. Brain,

Are you making
a pass at me?

No, no. I promise.
I honestly don't

Find you attractive
in any way.

You creep!

Let go of me!
Let go!

Oh, dear.

Ugh!

Man: mr. Brain?

I'd like a word
with you, please.

In here. Now.

I can explain, sir.

The young lady
seems to have
misunderstood me.

I don't know what
you're talking about.
It's your resume.

I've done some checking.
Neither princeton
nor harvard have

Any record
of you attending.

Oh. Well,
there must be some error.

I have diplomas from both
of those institutions.

Well, you better
go get them

And deliver them
here pronto, mister,

Or your career
in the world of
re-re-insurance

Is o-o-over.

I find your manner
unpleasant.

Working stinks.

The time for action
is upon us.

Ahem.

Help! Help!

Oh, help!

A terrible
occupational disaster!

Brain: help!
I've been maimed

By an on-the-job
accident

Requiring massive
workers' compensation!

[People gasp]
woman: oh, my.

Man: it's mr. Brain!

He was in
the cubicle
next to me.

I--i've been turned
into a mouse!

[Gasp]

Man: $1,614,000?

We won't pay!

In that case,
my friend,

I'll see you
in court.

Second man: your honor,

Our sympathy goes out
to mr. Brain,

But the amount
he's asking for

And the claim
that he is a mouse,

Well, sir,
they're both
preposterous!

Mr. Brain?

Your honor,
to expedite matters,

I wish to present
these x-rays
of myself,

Clearly defining
my mouse skeleton.

My x-rays.

What happened
to my x-rays?

There really is
only one conclusion here.

This man is a mouse.

I'm afraid
the only conclusion
here, doctor,

Is that you have
never seen these.

I think this might
keep you quiet.

It might.

Your honor,
I would like to begin

By presenting
some actual evidence--

These 2 items recovered
from mr. Brain's cubicle.

I ask you,
when was the last time

You heard of a mouse
winning a bowling trophy

Or having
an attractive family
like this?

Ahh, pinky!

Yes?

Pinky, what are
you doing here?

Egad! I had
to come, brain.

They're not
covering this
on court tv.

[Whispering]
stay down!

Good thing they didn't find
that mechanical suit,
eh, brain?

The suit!

Oh, dear heavens above,
the suit!

Pinky, you must go
to the office

And get that suit
from the kitchen closet.

Do you understand?

If they find that,
we're sunk.

[Weeping]

You want me to help?
Oh, brain!

Go!

Aye, aye!
Aah! Oof!

[Whistling]

Poit!

Narf.

Well, yes.

I noticed
his furry head,

And I believe
that's typical
of his people.

And what people
would that be?

Uh, I'm not sure.

I think they're
from europe...

Or maybe france.

Brain:
objection,
your honor.

The size
of my head

And if I was a man
before the accident

Is not
the question here.

The fact is,
I am now a mouse!

[Chuckles]

Your honor,
I intend to prove

That mr. Brain
is not a mouse

But simply,
and also sadly,

Just an odd-looking
little man.

Oof!

Try the fruit roll-um-ups.
They're yummy!

Aah!

[Gasps]

[Grunts]

Oh, I am doing well!
Poit!

I call to the stand
mr. Brain.

Now, how exactly did
the accident happen,
mr. Brain?

A bizarre thing
involving
a microwave oven.

I don't know
exactly.

No one really knows
how they work.

Incorrect!
In the oven,

A magnetron
produces microwaves

Which cause
water molecules

To align
and reverse alignment,

Producing heat...

Not mice.

The accident
also involved

A non-dairy
powdered creamer.

Um...oh.

Spectators: oh.

Whoa!

Whoa! Wha-ha!

Narf! Poit!

Mr. Brain,
in your experience
with other mice,

Are they intelligent?

Whoa!

Aah!

No.
Exactly!

Your honor, I contend
that mr. Brain

Is simply
too intelligent
to be a mouse.

But...no!

No, I'm--
I'm not intelligent.

I'm a simpleton. Yes.
Like any average mouse.

Uh, narf.

So you would have
no problem
with me saying

That albert einstein
was a champion surfer.

What?

I mean, no.

Or that
the temperature
of the sun

Is a comfy


I wouldn't know.

Or that the fermi-dirac
distribution function

Is a soup kitchen?

That's preposterous!
Your honor,

The fermi-dirac
function is

For any system
of identical fermions
in equilibrium,

The probability
that a quantum state

Of energy "e"
is occupied!

My word, man!

Don't you know
your quantum statistics?

[Spectators gasping]

Woman: he must
be a man.

Man: he is smart.

[Murmuring]

All: ohhhh!

Oh, blunder.

Mr. Brain,
it is my ruling

That your
intelligence proves

That you are not
a mouse.

And, that being
the basis for your claim,

I now dismiss charges
against fiero and company.

[Excited whispering]

Very well.
I'll go now.

I'm afraid not.

I find you guilty
of fraud, perjury,

And appearing naked
in a public place.
Take him away.

What? No! No!

Pinky: whoa!

Whoo-hoo! Narf!

I've got the suit!

Whoa! Narf!

I got it, brain!

Pinky!

Stop that man.

Hold it!
Put up your hands!

Oh. Um,
very well.

[Shouting]

Brain?

Pinky, down here.
Pinky!

Oof.

Um, excuse me.

Oh! Oh, I'm sorry!

I didn't mean to.

Ooh.

Pinky:
just one more, then.

Careful, pinky.
Not too tight.

I must be able
to think freely

So I can plan
for tomorrow night.

What, brain?
What are we going to
do tomorrow night?

The same thing we do
every night, pinky--

Try to take over
the world!

♪ They're dinky ♪

♪ They're pinky and the brain ♪

♪ Brain, brain, brain, brain