02x11 - Brinky

[bunniefuu]

[theme song playing]

Gee, Brain,
what do you want to do tonight?

The same thing we do every night,
Pinky.

Try to take over the world.

♪ They're Pinky and the Brain ♪

♪ Yes, Pinky and the Brain ♪

♪ One is a genius ♪

♪ The other's insane ♪

♪ They're laboratory mice ♪

♪ Their genes have been spliced ♪

♪ They're dinky ♪

♪ They're Pinky and the Brain
Brain, Brain, Brain ♪

♪ Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain ♪

♪ Brain ♪

♪ Before each night is done ♪

♪ Their plan will be unfurled ♪

♪ By the dawning of the sun ♪

♪ They'll take over the world ♪

♪ They're Pinky and the Brain ♪

♪ Yes, Pinky and the Brain ♪

♪ Their twilight campaign ♪

♪ Is easy to explain ♪

♪ To prove their mousey worth ♪

♪ They'll overthrow the Earth ♪

♪ They're dinky ♪

♪ They're Pinky and the Brain
Brain, Brain, Brain ♪

♪ Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain ♪

[Pinky] Narf!

[Brain] Behold, Pinky,
the living cell,

a simple mass
of contractile protoplasm.

Yet, within its core, lies
an infinitely complex blueprint.

Do you know what that is, Pinky?

Pinky?

Add three repeats. Make it so.

Engage. Number one... number two...
number three... Do you feel it?

[exhales] I do, Jean-Luc!
I feel it! Narf!

Set buttocks to stun.

- [breathing hard]
- [Jean-Luc grunting]

Whoa-oh! Ooph.
[grunts] Careful, Brain,

you know I'm still recovering
from a pulled muscle.

The one in your head?

Exactly! It was last week
when I had the idea.

Hmm, now what was it?
Ow! I did it again. Narf!

Well, before you
injure yourself further,

allow me to tell you of my idea,

one involving the lowest, simplest,
most elemental unit of life.

Egad, Brain! Pauly Shore?

A valid guess, but no, Pinky.
I speak of cloning, the replication

of a complex individual organism
from a single cell.

Come this way, Pinky.
A cell from a tissue sample I took

from a mysterious
and secret location.

[Pinky laughs] Found it!

Have you listened
to anything I've said?

Oh, yes! Clowning, organ music,
blah, blah, blah... Zort!

[Brain sighs] Why do I even try?

With these
multiphasic transrepliclonator pods,

I shall create a single clone
in my own image.

- [taps]
- After a modicum of study,

I will take a new sample
from the prototype

and make two more clones.

Then, they'll make two clones,
and they'll make two clones,

and so on, and so on, and...

[just Brain] Well, you get the idea.

Think of it, Pinky. Thousands of me,
all working towards the same goal!

A one man show?

No, Pinky. Thousands of me
taking over the world!

Egad, Brain! You mean...

Yes, Pinky, I'm franchising.

Brilliant! Zort! Oh, can I help,
Brain? Oh, please say I can help!

I won't let you down,
I promise! Narf!

Please, Brain, don't make me beg!
[sobbing]

Of course, not. I wouldn't want
you to debase yourself.

Very well, you may help.

- [alarm beeping]
- Oh! Sorry, Brain, no can do.

Time for that home pedicure
I've been promising myself.

- Maybe next time. Tra-la-la-la!
- [growls]

Yes, Pinky, don't ever lose
your keen sense of priorities.

- [taps]
- [mechanical whirring]

Huh? [grunts]

Pinky, quickly, I need you!

Just a sec, Brain, I'm drying.

- [snips]
- Whoa!

[humming]

[grunts] Pinky! Push, Pinky, push!

Hoo-hoo-hee-hee-hoo-hoo-hee-hee!

[computer] File's done.
You've got a male.

Oh, Brain, he's...
he's... Poit! Adorable.

Yes!

So, what we gonna call him, Brain?

Yes, it's name...

Hmm... Wait-wait, I know, um,
let's call him Socks!

Oh, wait, no-no-no,
that's what I call my socks.

Um, hmm, let's see...
K is a good letter.

- Nothing more virile...
- [clone belches]

than a name that starts with K.
[chuckles]

Ka... Ka... Ka... Oh! I've got it!

Mandingo!

We're not calling it Mandingo.

Since it represents
the first phase of my plan,

we'll call it Roman Numeral I.

Roman Numeral I. Roman. Romy!

Narf! Ooh, terrific name,
Brain! Narf!

Romy, Romy, Romy! [laughs]

It's Roman Numeral I!

Ugh!

Oh, they grow up so fast.

- [straining]
- [Brain] Yes,

clones develop at
a hyper-accelerated rate

until reaching adult stature.

Oh, like Michael Crichton.

And by the time I'm through
with its training, it shall be

cunning, ruthlessly brilliant
and possibly deadly.

Oh, like Michael Crichton.

Thermogalvanometer.

Magnetohydrodynamics.

Mag-net-o-hydro-dyn-amics.

Odd. It was cloned from me,

it's intellect should be
identical to my own.

Perhaps if you started with something

less taxing to his little brain,
Brain...

Brain.

Such as?

Pat the Bunny!

Pinky, do you realize
how that inane drivel

could disrupt its neural programming?

Oh, fiddly-posh, I was raised
on Pat the Bunny.

Sometimes, you make it
too easy for me, Pinky.

All right, Roman Numeral I,
let's try it again.

Neurofibromatosis.

Uh...

Neurofibromatosis.

Uh... uh...

Yes, that's it! Let the command
of language liberate your mind!

Uh... uh... uh...

Narf.

Narf?

His first word, Brain. Narf! [laughs]

[Romy] Zort. Fiddly-posh.
Narf. Zort. Fiddly-posh!

Egad. Oh-ho, seconds!

Stop it, Pinky, stop it!

Your influence is
corrupting my prototype!

- But Brain...
- Pinky!

[whimpering] Sorry, Brain.

I'll just sadly slink away, then,
shall I? Poit.

Poit.

Something terribly wrong.
I've got... got to think.

"Unknown contamination"?

"DNA strands merged"?

Search... for... contamination.

What, in the name of all which
is good and sweet

in Odin's beard, is that?

Reconstruct.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

[pops]

Pinky!

Look! One of your
errant nail clippings

befouled my tissue sample!

My clone is a product
of our merged DNA.

Do you realize what this means?

[gasps] I'm a mommy!

[laughing and crying]

I'm a mommy!

Pinky, that's absurd,
you're nothing of the kind.

Its chromosomal makeup
just happens to include

both of our genetic building blo...

Aah!

Oh, my Lord, you are its mommy.

Information? Yes, hello.

I'd like the number of
the Le Leche League, please.

- [pencil scratching]
- [Pinky humming]

Pinky, I'm going to regret asking you
this, but what are you doing?

Oh, I'm making a refrigerator, Brain.

Why?

To hang Romy's lovely drawing.

Pinky!

We have to, Brain.
Dr. Spock says, right here,

it is important for
the child's self-esteem.

Roman Numeral I is not our child.
It's an experiment. My experiment.

Hopefully, it possesses
enough of my DNA

to still make a valuable prototype
for my new mouse master race.

Narf. [gibberish]

Then again...

Roman Numeral I, come here.

Yeah?

I prefer "affirmative." What is that?

This? Oh, taraxacum officinale.
[blows]

[coughs] Stop, I'm terribly allergic.

Now, after careful analysis,

I've concluded that
your training is complete.

[rattles]

♪ For he's a jolly good fell... ♪

You are now ready to assist me

- in my plan for world conquest.
- [Pinky muffled]

Uh, yeah, yeah, about that.
You see, I've been pondering

this whole "taking over the world"
idea you gotta jones for,

[sighs] Like, don't you see
the narf-ness of it?

Uh, I just gotta say pass, bro.

What? What do you mean "pass"?

And who's this Jones character?
Do we know his parents?

I just wanna do something
a little, you know,

more important with my life.

No more talky-talk.
Lovely cake, yum yum! [chuckles]

Come and get it!

What, pray tell, is more important
than taking over the world?

I dunno, I just, uh...
I wanna be a ventriloquist.

A ventriloquist? Oh, yes, of course.
Certainly, that's a growth industry.

Perhaps you can use Pinky
as your dummy!

Oh, no, not me.

I was blacklisted during
the Charlie McCarthy hearings.

You see? No support. You treat me
like some kind of lab experiment.

You are a lab experiment,
and what's wrong with that?

I've been one all my life,
and let me tell you,

in my day, we didn't have it
nearly as good.

Oh, he's right, Romy.
They used to keep us in a cage

with an exercise wheel, feeding us
nothing but pellets and water.

It was horrible! Cake?

Pinky, your head would make
a wonderful ant farm.

And you two... Bicker, bicker, bicker!

It's like
Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?

I am! Ooh, that woman
gives me the willies.

Listen, mister, if you don't like
things around here, hard cheese!

My cage, my rules!

Glarb!

Glarb? What is glarb?

This is your influence, Pinky.

Me? Not once have I said glarb.
Oop! Glarb!

That's it! No more Pat the Bunny ,
no more moonwalk parties,

no more games of "What's that Smell"
and no more...

- [cage door squeaks]
- Romy?

[Brain] He's gone.

He's run away. No, we drove him away.

Oh, Brain, I'm turning out to be
just like my mother!

All white and covered with fur!

[panting] You've got to go after him,
Brain.

For gosh sake, he's your clone!

I have no clone.

[Pinky crying]

[sobbing hysterically]

Aah! [blows nose loudly]

Brain, you can't go on
working yourself like this.

You haven't eaten or slept
since Romy ran away.

Poit. I can't even remember
what he looks like.

Oh, wait, it's coming back...
No. No, I can't remember.

We must find my clone.

[traffic noise]

[engines rumbling]

Hmm. I've taken us to every place
a young runaway would go...

M.I.T, the Franklin Mint,
Pat Harrington's Dinner Theater...

Apparently, Roman's
not thinking like me.

Pinky, are you pondering
what I'm pondering?

I think so, Brain, but Pete Rose?
I mean, can we trust him?

No, Pinky. He must be thinking...
like you.

Hmm, let's see...

Where would I go
if I were running away?

Oh, oh! Poit, again, Brain!

[country music playing]

[slurps]

Hey, Herb, how 'bout a game?

Yeah, okay, Peaches.

- [grunting]
- [whacking]

I got winner.

Hey, Don McLean, the levee is dry.

What are you,
some kind of circus freak?

Yeah, I'm Jo-Jo the Thirsty Boy.

Okay, but no checks this time.

[Herb] Hey, Bunny!

I told you, Herb...

It's 'Erb.

We're through.

Then, give me my ring back.

All of 'em.

You're making a big mistake, Bunny.

Bunny?

What are you looking at, you... You...

Circus freak.

Circus freak, eh?

Leave the little guy alone!

Oh, Bunny, another freak?
Just like your last boyfriend.

He wasn't a freak!

Oh, yeah? The bearded man
who breathed air

and floated in the water,
not a freak? And now, this?

[clears throat] Actually,
I'm a cloned lab mouse...

Herb, you're a psychotic,
delusional paranoid

with a proto-user mentality and
sadistic controller tendencies!

- It's 'Erb. Ow!
- [chomps]

- He bit me! The circus freak bit me!
- [bottle breaks]

- [glasses shattering]
- That's right!

Now, you're a circus freak!

Aah!

Anybody else want
a little circus in their blood?

[all screaming]

I've had my sh*ts. Bite me.

Yes!

[audience cheering]

Well, all I can say is, girlfriend,
if you want your child back,

then you got to back your child.
You know what I'm sayin'?

[audience cheering]

Yes, well, be that as it may,
young lady,

we're simply here to let
our young clone, Roman, know,

we want him to come back home.

[imitating woman]
Whoo! I'm down with that! Whoo! Narf!

Pinky, please!

[imitating woman]
Talk to the hand. Talk to the hand.

And, if it isn't too much trouble,
Miss Lake,

please ask your audience to refrain
from addressing me as "girlfriend."

We'll return with our furry,
delusional, albino men,

discuss their problem and
give them fantasy makeovers!

We've tried everything I can ponder.
I fear we'll never see Roman again.

[gasps] A letter from Romy!

"Dear Pinky..."

Just Pinky?

'Fraid so.

Hm. "Dear Pinky, hello. Ha, ha, narf.

Don't let Brain read this."

I won't, Romy. Go on, Brain.

"I'm as happy as a tick
in a... tick amusement park,

so please, don't try to find me.
Your clone, Romy.


apartment 2F."

[sobbing]
Oh, Brain! He could be anywhere!

Pinky, he really is your son.

It's troubling to think of Roman
living in such bohemian squalor.

Probably crawling with vermin.

Well, well, look who's here,
my two dads.

Saget and Coulier.

Oh, please, tell me he's Saget.

[Bunny] Who's at the door, babe?

Roman, who is this person?

My girlfriend, Bunny.

Well, my real name's Pat,
but everybody calls me Bunny.

Pat, the Bunny! Ha! Perfect! Narf!

[laughing hysterically]
Pat the Bunny!

This is preposterous!
You're a lab mouse, she's a human.

[scoffs] Labels! Do we
have to judge others

on their race, religion
and color of their fur?

Can't we all just be?

Save it for your acceptance speech,
Miss Sarandon.

Roman, we need to talk, badly.

Brain, this place...

Yes, Pinky, it's like something
the Guggenheim threw up.

Then, fed to its young.

So, what do you wanna talk about?

Well, um, what I wanted to say is,
I realized that...

Well, when I was a boy, I...

I believe it was Euripides
who told his, uh, clone that, um...

When in the course of human events...

Apology accepted.
Look, what it comes down to is,

you want me to take over the world
and Pinky wants me

to wrap my toes in string cheese,
but face it, man, that's not me.

No, because, uh,
you're a ventriloquist.

[crying] This is so Savannah.

So, back to the lab, then.

We kept your corner of the cage
exactly as you left it, Romy,

except for everything being in a box
and shoved in a closet, somewhere.

Hey, I'm not going back.

The lab will always bring back
feelings of disappointment.

Man, I'm sick of disappointment!

And that's why we're taking a year
off to follow The Grateful Dead.

Do you want to tell him or shall I?

I will, Brain.

Have fun! Narf!

Thanks, Brain.

Call me Dad.

But don't get excited.

It's simply an acronym
for Derivation of Applied DNA

And you can call me Pinky.

It's an acronym for Pa Ee Nn Kay Y.

Narf.

Glarb.

[Pinky] Brain, promise me
we'll have another someday.

[Brain] Pinky, please.
We must get back to the lab.

The night is young
and there's still time.

To do what, Brain?

The same thing we do
every night, Pinky...

Try to take over the world!

Ugh, not tonight, Brain,
I have a headache.

♪ They're dinky ♪

♪ They're Pinky and the Brain
Brain, Brain, Brain ♪

♪ Brain ♪♪

[theme music playing]