03x15 - The Real Life

[bunniefuu]

Gee, brain,

What do you
want to do tonight?

The same thing
we do every night,
pinky,

Try to take over
the world.

♪ They're pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ Yes, pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ One is a genius

♪ The other's insane ♪

♪ They're
laboratory mice ♪

♪ Their genes
have been spliced ♪

♪ They're dinky ♪

♪ They're pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ Brain, brain, brain

♪ Brain, brain, brain,
brain, brain ♪

♪ Before each night
is done ♪

♪ Their plan
will be unfurled ♪

♪ By the dawning
of the sun ♪

♪ They'll take over
the world ♪

♪ They're pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ Yes, pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ Their twilight campaign

♪ Is easy to explain

♪ To prove
their mousey worth ♪

♪ They'll overthrow
the earth ♪

♪ They're dinky ♪

♪ They're pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ Brain, brain, brain

♪ Brain, brain,
brain, brain ♪

Narf!

When is everybody
going to float away,
brain?

[Burp]

Never, pinky.

Our plan
is a failure. [Burp]

Then we didn't carbonate
the water supply?

[Burp]

No, pinky.

I told you not to open
that nozzle

While it was pointed
toward us.

[Burp]

Sorry, brain. Poit!

I always get "toward"
and "away from"
confused.

[Burp]

[Gasps]

Pinky, look.

Somebody's filming us.

Oh, goody!
Maybe we'll be on

Goof-ups
and practical jokes.

[Burp]

Sometimes I think

My whole life
is a practical joke.

Baarp!

Aah! [Thump] oof!

Man: a scratchy piece
of surveillance footage

Triggers a bizarre new
conspiracy theory

From controversial
film director
gulliver sloane.

Good evening.
I'm fred flopple.

Now, mr. Sloane,

Let me understand this

So that I'm not
putting words
in your mouth.

You believe that 2 mice
are doing what?

I have uncovered evidence

That 2 genetically altered
laboratory mice

Are attempting
to take over the world.

In the course
of doing research
for my new movie,

I have filmed them
on several occasions.

Whaa! Ha ha ha!
Ha ha! Ah ha!

Narf! Uh, ho!

Oh, have you ever heard
anything so ridiculous,
brain?

Zort!

A mouse trying
to take over the world.

Yes, I have, pinky.

Because he's talking
about someone

Near and dear
to both of us.

[Gasps]
mr. Lollipop, he's
talking about you.

No, pinky. Think.

What do we do
every night?

You mean
try to keep one eye open

To see all the toys
come alive
at the stroke of midnight

When they think
we're asleep
but we're really not?

Narf!

I didn't know
you did that, too.

♪ Oh, the teddy bears
and the lollipops ♪

♪ Are having
a secret picnic ♪

Ya ha ho!

We try to take over
the world!

Oh, right. Zort!

Ha. Silly me. I forgot.

Quiet. I want to hear
what they're saying
about me.

Forgive my skepticism.

But what assurance
can you give

That this conspiracy theory
of yours

Isn't just some
publicity stunt

For promoting
your next movie?

Consider this.

What was the real reason
for the watergate
break-in?

Who tipped of eisenhower
about the m*llitary-
industrial complex?

And whatever happened
to joyce dewitt?

I believe
I have found the brain

Behind all of these
so-called coincidences.

Forgive me...

Preposterous.

This conspiracy
he links me to

Is nothing but a web
of half-truths and
innuendoes.

What kind of idiot
would fall for this
drivel?

Hmm, I don't know,
brain,

He does have a point
about joyce dewitt.

I rest my case.

And yet,
with the media watching
my every move,

All of my
hundreds of hours
of hard work

Will be for naught.

I'll be exposed.

Poit!
You could wear
a trench coat.

The public is swayed
so easily

By outrageous
assertions.

It's as if
something deep
in their psyches

Compels them to believe
in these convoluted
conspiracies.

Oh, too bad you don't have
one of those convoluted
conspiracy thingies,

Mr. Lollipop.

Then everyone
would believe in you.

That's it!

Pinky,
are you pondering
what I'm pondering?

I think so, brain.

But can the gummy worms
really live in peace

With the marshmallow chicks?

No, pinky.
I will create my own
conspiracy theory.

I shall fabricate a wild
and improbable story

In order to convince
the public

That I am the victim
of a hidden plot

Whose sole purpose

Is to prevent me
from taking
my rightful place

As ruler of the world.

Yay! Yippee! Narf!

Mr. Lollipop
is happy now.

Pinky,
put mr. Lollipop down

And get me a glue stick.

Oh, we always have to play
with your friends.

Mr. Glue stick.
Blah, blah,
yuckity, schmuckity.

Our subject tonight
is conspiracies--

Who's behind them
and who profits
from them?

Larry, it's a mystery
wrapped in a riddle

Inside a burrito.

What really happened
on the grassy knoll?

Who was responsible
for polyester
leisure suits?

And why were there


Why have we never had
a satisfactory
explanation?

Why?

I don't know! Why?

Because we have never
gotten to the big cheese,

The head honcho,
the brain behind
the conspiracy.

That's why.

Which brings us
to our second guest.

[Gasps] it's him.
It's the brain.

Yes, I am the brain.

And are you behind
these conspiracies
to take over the world

As mr. Sloane suggests?

Ahem. No, larry,

Although I do hope someday
to take over the world,

I am, in fact, the victim
of a hidden conspiracy.

How's that?

Let me show you.

Pinky, roll the tape.

Right, brain.
Troz!

Brain: the conspiracy
started in 1968

After a mouse
went to orlando
and took over florida.

A group of government officials
secretly got together

And swore they'd never let
another mouse

Have that much power again.

At that time,
I was a rising young
civil servant

Named harold foster brain.

My tireless efforts
to solve world hunger

By developing edible mud pies
for starving orphans

Had been noticed
by my superiors.

I was well-liked,

But there were
dark forces aligned
against me.

The real goal
of the watergate break-in

Was to steal
my peace corps records.

Because of this
fiendish conspiracy,

I was forced out
of public service

And have been reduced
to earning my living
as a lab mouse.

Well, that's
the saddest story
I ever heard.

I must say, mr. Brain,

I find your story
rather hard to swallow.

If you doubt my word,

I have concrete proof
of this heinous conspiracy.

Just look for
a document called
the pinky protocol.

The pinky protocol?
What's that?

They don't want you
to know.

But it is a secret
government document

Which states--

We've been cut off.

There. Just enough
information

To tantalize
the susceptible mind.

Conspirator or folk hero?
Let's find out more.

But first,
this message.

[Knock on door]

Come on in, pinky.

We came so close
this time.

Where did we
go wrong, brain?

Tonight's plan
was fun-fun,
silly-willy.

Oh, perhaps.

But we mustn't dwell
on failure.

We have to get ready
for tomorrow night.

Narf! What are we going
to do tomorrow night?

The same thing
we do every night,
my friend--

Try to take over
the world.

Pray with me, pinky.

And that was a clip
from hollywood director

Gulliver sloane's
new movie about
the brain entitled

A really, really
true conspiracy story
this time. Really.

Why don't they leave
that poor brain fella
alone?

But as this hot new film
prepares for summer release,

Controversy is growing
about the real
harold foster brain,

And people are asking,
what is the pinky protocol?

You see, pinky?
My plan is working
perfectly.

Everyone is primed
for the discovery
of this document,

A secret executive order

That will allow me
to become acting
leader of the world.

All it needs
is the signature

Of a former president
of the united states.

Oh, yippee! Narf!

Oh, no. Wait. Wait.

Um, isn't millard
fillmore dead?

Yes, pinky,

But there are other
former presidents.

Oh.

Where do you get one?

At a golf course,
of course.

Come. We shall dress
as eager young caddies.

Nothing could be
easier.

Announcer: welcome again
to the...

Yes, that terror
of that fairway,

Former president
gerald ford,

Was at it again.

Hey, who says golf
isn't a contact sport, huh?

But practice makes perfect.

Or does it?

Ooh! That's gotta hurt!

Uh-oh.

Whoops! Spa-lash!

Hey, hey,
this caddie is all wet.

Ow-ooch!

Sca-runch!

Boy, is my face red.

That's a hole in one.

In one of the caddies,
that is.

But the former president
was a good sport.

He threw in
a free golf club...

And an autograph.

Now reel me up, pinky.
Slowly.

Poit! Are you sure
you don't want
to rest a bit?

There's no time
to rest, pinky--

Mmm!

Now that we have
this document signed.

Aaahck!

We must place it
in the national archives--

Aaars!

So that it can be
discovered.

Ow!

Now, push open
the mail slot

And hoist me in.

Ok.

Aah!

Hold on, brain.

Whoa!

Nyit! Aah!

Poit! Are you all right,
brain?

Fine, pinky.
[Struggling]

Can I help you?

No. Aah.

Are you sure?

Yes! Arrgh!

Um, I could
carry that, you know.

Pinky, this document
proclaims me
the leader of the world.

It's signed
by a former president.

Do you understand,
pinky?

Let me get that
for you, brain.

No. I've come too far
to entrust this document
to others, pinky.

Even to you,
especially to you.

I can taste it, pinky.

I am the ruler
of the world.

All I have to do
is sneak past
this electric eye

Aah!

[Alarm]

Can I get you
a pillow, brain?

In a late-breaking
development,

An attempted break-in
has been foiled

At the national archives.

We take you now live
to the scene.

[Reporters murmuring]

Reporter:
mr. Brain! Mr. Brain!

Let me through.
Look. It's him,

The brain.

Finally caught you
red-handed, didn't we?

Brain: no,
you've got it wrong.

I knew it!

Them government agents
got the little fella

By the whiskers.

This is all
a big misunderstanding.

Yeah?
What are you doing here?

Uh, they were
going to destroy
the pinky protocol.

Reporters: no! Oh!

Yes.
So I personally risked
life and limb

To break into
the national archives

And rescue it.

And you expect us
to believe that?!

Mm-hmm.

See? Here it is,
the pinky protocol.

[Cheering]

Huh?

Hey!

[Sighs] at last
our troubles are over.

Don't you worry,
little guy.

I'll save you from
them big government
fellas.

No. We don't need
to be saved.

Well, big jake's
a-gonna save you
anyway,

Whether you like it
or not.

[Tires screech]

Aah!
Aah!
Aah!

Hey, aren't you
going after him?

What are you doing?

Who are you?!

Are you mad?!

Oh, you don't
have to thank me.

This is just like when

The black helicopters
took away heshimu.

Y'all remember heshimu?

Of course not.
They don't want you
to remember.

People thought
he disappeared in sumatra

With a big gerbil.

Actually, he tried to buy

The elephant man's skeleton.

Pinky: aah!
Brain: aah!

Mr. Whipple
was not the tidy-bowl man.

I'm telling you,
he was not
the tidy-bowl man!

Make it stop, brain.
Make it stop.

This guy is one
green maraschino cheery
shy of a fruitcake, pinky.

Let's get out of here.

Aah!
Aah!

Oomph! Ay! Ooh!

[Siren]

Waah!
Waah!

Narf. I see an angel
coming for us.

I see clams,
big, shirtless clams.

No, brain. Really.

[Squawk]

Yaah!
Yaah!

And they say them u.f.o.'S
are just pie plates.

Well, they are pie plates!

Alien pie plates.

Aah!
Aah!

And whatever happened
to 8-track tapes?

It's a conspiracy,
you know?

[Weakly]
uh-huh.

Announcer: and now...

Issue one--
the pinky protocol.

Today the contents
of this secret document
were revealed.

It states that if
the president

Ever does anything
to disgrace the office,

Such as going out in public
in his underwear,

He will be thrown
out of office

And harold foster brain
will be appointed leader
in his place.

In a related development,

We obtained this footage
of the president

At a popular fast-food
restaurant.

The president
had this to say.

Hey, I was just going out
for my morning jog.

Question--
was the president
in his underwear?

I say if it looks
like underwear

And it smells
like underwear,
it is underwear.

The protocol
is very clear
on this point.

The president must go.

Eleanor, reaction.

This is so much
political poppycock.

You can't just appoint
a leader that no one
elected.

No one elected
gerald ford.

That's true.

Exit question--

Where is harold
foster brain now?

Police! Harold foster brain,
come out with your hands up.

Officer,
you're blocking
my sh*t!

I'm not coming out.
No way.

We do not recognize
the authority

Of your illegally
constituted government!

F.b.i. Agent:
I promise, we will not
turn you over

To the aliens...
Nor mr. Whipple.

Pinky, trapped
by a madman.

Try not to panic.

'K.

Poit! Look, brain.

Magic fingers.

Aah!

Aah! Oof!

Quick! Put on
these tinfoil hats

So as they can't
control your minds.

Ooh, narf.

Thank you.

Perhaps we're
approaching this
in the wrong way,

Mr., Uh, big jake.

If I might go out
and talk with
the authorities.

No, no,
your leadership.

The people need you.

That's why
I have to keep you
locked in here.

You see,
if you go out there,

They'll get you,
and you'll never be
heard from again.

Why do you think
elvis had to go
into hiding?

And whatever happened
to joyce dewitt?

But we can't stay here
forever.

Sure, we can.

You can rule
from right here.

We can print
our own checks.

But what'll we eat?
We'll starve.

I got enough spam

To last
through the turn
of the century.

I've gone to heck.

As the standoff enters
its 127th day,

America asks,

"Who is the real
harold foster brain?"

You want to read
my manifesto,
your leadership?

Not again, jake.

More spam eggnog?

Ecch!
No, thank you.

Yes, please.

Television: here with some
disturbing new information,

Is photo expert
adam ansel.

A close examination
of these photos

Reveals that some of them
have been altered.

Using the latest
digital technology,

I have been able
to determine

That the real
harold foster brain

Is joyce dewitt.

Joyce dewitt?

Huh?
Huh?
Huh?

Come on, everybody.

Let's go over
to joyce dewitt's house.

You lied to me!

You're one of them!

Aah!
Aah!

And give me back
my hats!

Poit. I'll miss him.

Yes, it's not often

You meet
an intellectual peer,
is it, pinky?

Mm-mmm.

Wait! Stop!
Arrest him!
He's the one!

It's all over here,
buddy. Move along.

But that's him.

The brain.

The mouse that's
trying to take over
the world.

Sure, sure, sure.

Why don't you go
make a movie
about joyce dewitt?

Hmm...

Television: ladies
and gentlemen,

The new leader of the world,
joyce dewitt.

[Cheering]

That should have been me
up there, pinky.

Oh, try to look
on the bright side,
brain.

Zort!

At least joyce dewitt's
back on television.

Hee...

Perhaps.

We don't have time
to watch her.

We must prepare
for tomorrow night.

Why, brain?
What are we going to do
tomorrow night?

The same thing
we do every night, pinky--

Try to take over the world
from joyce dewitt!

♪ They're dinky ♪

♪ They're pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ Brain, brain,
brain, brain ♪