03x31 - Dangerous Brains

[bunniefuu]

Gee, brain,

What do you
want to do tonight?

The same thing
we do every night,
pinky--

Try to take over
the world.

♪ they're pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ yes, pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ one is a genius ♪

♪ the other's insane ♪

♪ they're
laboratory mice ♪

♪ their genes
have been spliced ♪

♪ they're dinky ♪

♪ they're pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ brain, brain, brain ♪

♪ brain, brain, brain,
brain, brain ♪

♪ before each night
is done ♪

♪ their plan
will be unfurled ♪

♪ by the dawning
of the sun ♪

♪ they'll take over
the world ♪

♪ they're pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ yes, pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ their twilight campaign ♪

♪ is easy to explain ♪

♪ to prove
their mousey worth ♪

♪ they'll overthrow
the earth ♪

♪ they're dinky ♪

♪ they're pinky
and the brain ♪

♪ brain, brain, brain ♪

♪ brain, brain,
brain, brain ♪

Narf!

Pinky: ha ha ha ha ha!

Whoo! Ha ha ha!

Whee! Narf!

Ooh, i wonder if this is
what canada's like.

Yes, pinky. Canada
is 6 feet long,



And covered
in a delicate
sprinkling of chalk.

Ooh, really?

No.

Ha ha! You're playing
with my head.

Fun, fun, silly willy.

So, what's our big plan
for tonight, brain?

Are you patronizing me?

Um, yes?

No?

Yo?

Pinky, do you even
know the definition

Of the word patronize?

Uh, define definition.

What the word means.

Oh, of course,
brain!

All right. Use patronize
in a sentence.

Uh, this toilet
has been patronized

For your protection?

That's sanitized.

I know, but i don't
work blue, brain.

Fair enough.

Now leave me be while
i put the final touches

On our next plan
to take over the world.

According to
the farmer's almanac,

The earth will experience
a lunar eclipse on june 8th.

According to
entertainment tonight,

Larry linville
and brian doyle murray

Turn 63 today!

Happy birthday, boys!

Observe.

I have altered this magnet

For the purposes
of this demonstration.

The real apparatus
will be thousands
of times larger.

Now, during
the lunar eclipse,

I shall magnetically
harness the moon to the earth,

Giving me complete control
over its rotation.

Pinky, throw
that ball bearing
up in the air.

Narf!

That ball bearing
represents the moon.

I am the earth.

The lamp is the sun.

And i shall control
the amount of sunlight

The earth will receive
at any given time. Get it?

Absolutely!

Not.

Once i control
the earth's sunlight--

Aah! Aah!

I will become
the most powerful being
in the milky way,

Which by default
makes me--Yaah!

A big chewy nougat?

Yes, pinky. That's what
i was going to say.

Ha ha! I'm learning!

Yes. Either that
or i'm completely wiped.

Now come.

To succeed in our plan,

We must create
a super-Conductive
hydromagnetic beam

Inside that mechanically
modified aquatic t*nk.

Whoosh! Right over my
little mousey head, brain.

Quiet.

To create the
ultra-Electromagnetic
induction,

I must place millions
of tiny magnets

At the bottom
of the t*nk.

Whoosh!

Stee-Rike 2.

Now, each tiny magnet
costs 2.5 cents.

One million at 2.5,
plus tax,

Comes to
a total of what?

Stee-Rike 3!

I'm out.

$25,963.13.

I have just under 3 bucks.

Pinky, what do you
have on you right now?

Brut for men.

And not a penny
to your name?

No. But i smell great!

So we're broke.

Where can we get
$25,000 quickly?

Bake sale?

Nah.

Magazine drive?

Nope.

Sell our bodies
for lab experiments?

Oh, no, wait.
We've done that.

Yes, always.

Well, maybe we
could get a job.

Wait. Get a job.

Pinky, are you pondering
what i'm pondering?

I think so, brain,

But zero mostel
times anything

Will still give you
zero mostel.

No, pinky.

I'll get a job.

With my intellect,

I should have no problem
landing a ceo position

In a major corporation
that pays $25,000 a week

Post taxes.

Look at
all these jobs.

Now to find
the highest-Paying one

That i can land.

Pinky: how's that batter
coming, brain?

Oh, who cares?

On our salaries,

We'll be lucky
if we have 25 grand

By the time
the sister sister twins

Apply for medicare.

Hello, sir. Welcome
to hot dog on a hot dog.

How may i help you
on this...

hot diggity-Dog day?

Uh, yeah. I'll have me
a hot dog on a hot dog

And a hot dog
on a hot dog,
hold the hot dog.

The first one
or the second one?

Don't matter.
And give me another
hot dog on a hot dog

And another hot dog.

On a hot dog?

No.

So that's
a hot dog on a hot dog,

A hot dog on a hot dog,
hold the hot dog,

A hot dog on a hot dog,
and a hot dog.

Dang! You smart.
You ever teach
high school?

Are you patronizing me?

Uh, i--Uh...

patronizing, huh?

That's a pretty
big word, mister.

A fella like you
should be teaching
school.

You're telling me,
my gustatorial philanthropist.

Whoa! Slow down,
wordsmith.

You're bowlin' me over
with your many jargons.

And i'm a high school
principal.

You can't be serious.

You bet your boots i am.

And we have an opening
for a teacher.

The last one
disappeared under
strange circumstances.

Ooh! What happened?

It's hard to explain

If you don't understand
the meat-Packing industry,

But, man, it was funny.

Ha ha ha!

So, uh, you want
that job teaching?

What's it pay?

$26,000 a year.

It's a deal!

Quiet, pinky.

I'm the business
representative

In this organization.

It's a deal.

Pinky: ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha!

A shining
good morning, pinky.

Brain, is that you?

Of course, my friend,

But from now on,

Call me by my high school
teaching alias,

Mr. Brainzlowski.

Well, mr., uh...

brainzlowski.

Sure.

I made you a sack lunch

For your first day
of school.

Why, pinky, i'm touched.

And a little scared.

What's in the bag?

Tiny little
ketchup packs.

They make the sack
taste that much better.

Pinky, since your
level of intelligence

Seems to rival that

Of the average
party magician...

abra-Macabra-Kazoo!

Why don't you
better yourself

And enroll
at thadeus mumphries high

Where i've become employed?

Who's
thadeus mumphries?

Well, according
to my employment packet,

Thadeus mumprhies was...

a circus monkey.

His claim to fame
was an act

In which children
were invited

To cover him
in chocolate.

Oh. And they named
a high school after him?

Well, apparently
he was also

A highly regarded
mathematician.

[Punk rock music playing]

Aah!

Finkel! Hobart! Put down
the shop building!

No, miller!
Stop, drop, and roll!

Aw, somebody put out the gym.

A pleasant good morning
to you, principal bruhn.

Ready for action,
brainzlowski?

Ready and rarin' to go.

Where are my students?

In cell block "h."

Is that what they call
my classroom?

No, they're
really in prison,

But i'm giving you
a different group.

You'll find them
in room tendy-Ten.

Good luck.

Thank you,
principal bruhn...

for helping me
in my quest

To take over the world!

[Talking and shouting]

Get your stinkin' hands
off of me!

Hey, man, let go of
my new leather jacket.

Top of the morning,
students.

I'm your new teacher
mr. Brainzlowski.

Hey,
this guy's tiny.

[Shouting]

What, no apple?

Ah, applesauce.

Even better.

[Loud music plays]

Class:
♪ pinkhead, pinkhead ♪

♪ the classroom's
gonna change ♪

♪ pinkhead, pinkhead ♪

♪ this new kid
is awful strange ♪

♪ narf ♪

♪ zort ♪

♪ narf ♪

♪ zort ♪

♪ narf ♪

♪ zort ♪

♪ narf ♪

♪ zort ♪

♪ well, don'tcha know
that he's a pro ♪

♪ who makes
the teacher mad? ♪

♪ pinkhead ♪

Who are you,

And what are you doing
in this classroom?

Peace,
brother man.

I'm a new
transfer student

From acme
poly tech.

The name's
jergen pinkhead.

Well, jergen,

Quit with the buffoonery
and take a seat.

Where should i take it?

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Narf!

May i remind you,
mr. Pinkhead,

That this is a classroom,
not a music hall.

[Music stops]

Ha ha! The music's
taking a nap.

Now, sit.

All right, class,

Now that i have
your attention,

Let's start
with mathematics.

Who can tell me something
about arithmetic?

Tyrone spellbinder.

Uh...

is that, like, when
you open up a book

And, uh, like,
read a story about
a man who, like,

Finds some old
monkey paw?

No, that would be reading.

Class: ohh!

Arithmetic.

Anyone else?

Hector papadopolis?

Um, is that, like,
when you put a pointy thing
in your hand

And push it on a paper,

Blue stuff comes out,
and you tell some story

About this man who finds
some old monkey paw?

No, that would be writing.

Class: ohh!

We're talking
about arithmetic.

Arith-Metic.

Anyone?

Oh, boy.
Pinky: oh, oh!

Jergen pinkhead.

Um...

is it when you,
like, hit a ball

That's on a string
around a pole?

That's tetherball!

Look, people,
it's not that hard.

Arithmetic!

It's when
you add up numbers.

Class: no!

Yes!

[Bell rings]

Don't, ok?

Whatever it is,

Just don't.

[Brakes screech]

No, no.

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

How many times
must i tell you, hector,

There is no "s"
in the word "the."

[Horn honks]

[Shouting
and whistling]

See ya on the rebound,
squaresville.

Bye-Bye. Zort!

Young man, where do
you think you're going?

To hang out
in the parking lot
of a corner strip mall

For no apparent reason.

It's a school night.

But, brain, i thought
this school charade

Was just a ruse
to help us
take over the world.

It is, pinky,

But my salary depends
upon student performance,

Which means
i don't get paid

If you and your classmates
don't improve.

Brain,
your first paycheck.

[Giggles]

It's all flappy whappy.

Hey, come on!
Let's go!

Gotta run, daddy-O.

No, pinky.

It's time for
a little teacher-Parent

Co-Conspirator conference.

Sit down, mister.

I'm afraid your behavior
of late has been abominable.

Like a snowman?

What?

Like the abominable
snowman?

With my corncob nose
and button--

Pipe?

This is exactly
what i'm talking about.

Your patented brand
of hilarious chicanery

Has no place
in my classroom,

Because, "a,"
it's disruptive to me,

"B," it's disruptive to you,

"C," it's disruptive
to the students--

Um, "g,"
all of the above?

My point is that you have
the ability to do the work.

You're not applying yourself.

Hey, man, look!

You don't own me!

I'm not your son!

I'm not your
scatterbrained
sidekick!

I'm--Oh, wait. Well,
i am the last one.
Sorry.

But i can't take
this grief, man!

I'm outta here!

Wait, pinky, come back!

I don't have time
for these shenanigans.

I have to
take over the world!

And grade some papers.

Aagghh!

I bet gabe kaplan would've
handled that differently.

Well, let's see
how much money i've cleared

And find out how soon
i can quit this job.

Come on, baby.

Daddy needs a new
hydroelectric magnet.

I've made the rough
approximation of bus fare.

It's going to be
a long semester.

[Bell rings]

Come on, move it!

The first bell has rung.
Get to class. Let's go!

Brain: you!

"V"!

W-X-Y-Z!

Ha ha! You think
you're so smart, huh?

What's your next stumper?

You said
it would be easy.

You said
i'd make money.

$26,000.

Well, where's
my money now?

Listen, brainzlowski,
if you want more money,

You're gonna
have to earn it.

How, pray tell?

Feast your glossies
on this.

"The board of education
will award a $25,000
fellowship

To the best teacher
in the city."

Yes!

Mr. Bruhn, when i'm done
teaching my pupils,

That check for 25,000
will be made out to me,

Mr. Brainzlowski!

Right. Long as i
don't have to figure out

How to spell your name.

Brain: look, people,
it's not that hard.

Your education and my plans
for world conquest

Are riding on this!

One more time.

A-B...

"g"!

A-B...

"d."

No!

A-B...

"c."

Pinkhead!

Top of the morning,
mr. Brainzlowski.

You're back.

When you didn't
show up for class
this morning,

I thought maybe
something terrible
had happened.

Something bad
did happen.

I was throwing away
the only chance

I've ever had
for an education. Narf!

Class: wow!

Pinky, that's brilliant.

Where did you come up
with this revelation?

Uh, define revelation.

Well, no matter.

I'm just glad
to see you safe
and back in school.

[Cheering]

Hey, everybody,
what say we give mr. B

A second chance
to show us what
we should already know?

Whatever you say, jergen.

You got it, pinkhead.

Both: let's do
some learnin'!

[Class cheering]

Brainzlowski, your kids
have really shaped up.

They're actually
learnin', so...

this is for you.

Congratulations.

I won?

That's right.

The board chose you
as the best teacher
in the city.

Mwah!

Yes!

Not only that,

The school's
throwin' a big party
in your honor.

That's really not necessary.

Oh, we insist.

The entire student body
will be there.

It's on june 8th,
so mark your calendar.

No. June 8th.

That's the night
of the lunar eclipse.

So?

Well, i have
big plans that night.

I couldn't possibly attend.

No party, no checky.

Comprendey?

A party...

for me.

I wouldn't miss it
for the world.

So to speak.

How can i attend a party
the same night of the eclipse

And still
take over the world?

Oh, p-Shaw, brain.
Simple.

Don't use the t*nk
out back to harness
the moon,

Use the high school
swimming pool.

That's brilliant,
pinky.

Of course, you'll need
to run around like
sally field

In another mind-Bending
episode of gidget.

A small price
to pay for global conquest!

Brain: and in conclusion,

I'd like to thank
all of my students

For the hard work
you've put in this year.

You are an inspiration
to me.

[Cheering]

And now,
let's party down.

[Music plays]

Nice speech, brainzlowski.

Thank you,
principal bruhn.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I have to go
use the rest room...

and take over the world.

Ok.

Just remember
to wash your hands!

Yes!

The moon is waxing
toward full eclipse,

But where in heavens
is pinky

With my 26 grand
worth of magnets?

Ha ha ha ha!

Whoo! Ha ha!

Come on, pinkhead.

[Pops popcorn song]

Hey!
Hey!

[Gasps]

Hey! What's with
all the thievery?

Hey, man,
i pilfered not.

Besides, i'm missin'
my many fillings.

Give it back!

Yeah!
You calling me a liar?

[Shouting]

Made it, brain.

Quick! While i
place these magnets

At the bottom
of the pool,

You go down
to the dance
and stand lookout.

Brain, brain!

Tyrone and hector
are fighting!

They might
k*ll each other!

Who cares, pinky?
My work here is done.

Hey, look what i can do.

Ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

But, brain,
these are my friends

And your students.

This is their future.

If you don't
stop them now,

They'll be expelled.
They'll never graduate.

Hmm, who gives a hooey?
Heh heh.

You do, brain.

You taught us
about education

And responsibility.

Remember, a mind is
a terrible waste of space.

[Sighs]
you're right, pinky.

The last thing i want

Is to take over a world
full of stupid boobs.

I suppose the world can wait
a few more seconds.

Hoorah! Narf!

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
let's just make
this quick.

[Shouting]

Hey! Cut it out!

You're going to be expelled!

You want to be stupid

For the rest
of your lives?!

Did that sound harsh,
pinky?

A little bit, brain.

What i meant to say was, um,

Don't be a fool,
stay in school!

[Cheering]

Ahh!

The power of poetry.

Aah!

The moon is falling!
The moon is falling!

Um, oh, here's one.

Uh, don't be in fear,
the moon ain't so near.

Wanna bet?

Aah!
Aah!

Uhh!

This endless
string of failures

Is becoming redundant.

Pinky: "teacher of the year
saves planet,

Then mysteriously vanishes."

Narf, brain!

You're a huge celebrity.

Yes, pinky,
but you, my friend,

Are something
even more impressive--

A high school graduate.

[Sighs]

And i am not.

Well, i couldn't
have done it

Without your
guidance, brain.

And now you're
probably a real genius.

With that high school
diploma of yours,

You'll probably take over
the world lickety-Split.

Brain, are you
patronizing me?

Why, yes, pinky, i am.

That's ok, brain.

I'm patronizing you, too.

Ha! Touche, pinky.

So, my highly
educated chum,

What do you want to do
tomorrow night?

Same thing we do
every night, brain--

Both:
try to take over the world!

♪ they're dinky,
they're pinky and the brain ♪

♪ brain, brain,
brain, brain ♪