03x05 - The Great Vince Blake

[bunniefuu]

WOMAN: Are you ready?

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ I know you see me
standing here ♪

♪ Do I look good,
my dear? ♪

♪ Do I look good today? ♪

♪ Today, today ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ I'm just another
kind of girl ♪

♪ And you want
to see my world ♪

♪ So come and run away ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ If you wanna play ♪

♪ Come and play today ♪

♪ Let's just get away, yeah ♪

♪ I will make you see ♪

♪ All of the things ♪

♪ That you can be ♪

♪ Believe in yourself ♪

♪ Come follow me ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ ♪

- Can you believe that?

- Half the kids at PCA
eat junk food for lunch.

- So?
What's the big deal?

- The big deal is
this is not a healthy meal.

- Well, we wouldn't have to eat

these spheres
of marshmallowy pinkness

if the PCA lunch ladies
would learn

to make a better chicken breast.

- [snorts]

- Why are you giggling?

- 'Cause Chase said "breast."

- Breast.
[laughs]

- I just don't think the world
would come to an end

if they put some healthier
snacks in that machine.

- Look, can I just have
my doodlepuff back?

- Sure.
- No.

Eat an apple.

- Thanks for sucking the fun
out of lunchtime.

[girls screaming]

- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.

[all shrieking]

- There he is,
the great Vince Blake.

- Hey, if it wasn't
for Vince Blake,

the PCA football team
would not be in the state finals

for the first time ever.

- Vince may be the best

high school quarterback
in the country.

- So?
He's still just a person.

Oh, my God,
he's coming this way.

- Quick, primp.

- Logo.
- Hey.

- Michaelicious, what's up?

- Michaelicious.
- Chilling.

- Oh, chilling?
Cool.

Oh, hey.

Nice catch last Friday night.

- Ah.
Are you kidding me, man?

That was a perfect pass.
How could I not catch it?

- Hey, you make a good point,
my friend.

[laughter]

What's up, Zolaroid?

- Hey, Vince.

- Zolaroid?
[scoffs]

- Vince is the nickname master.

- I have a gift.

- I bet you do.
[laughs]

- Hi, Vince.
We haven't met.

I'm Quinn Pensky.

- Quinderella.

- Yay.

That's perfect.

♪ ♪

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- And although the Americans
lost the battle of Bunker Hill,

they showed that poorly trained
volunteers

were able to stand up
to the British army.

And, of course,
this is the battle

where Colonel Prescott coined
the phrase,

"Run away, they're k*lling us."

- Hmm.
Prescott started that?

- Now, remember, Wednesday,
you'll have your test

on the American Revolution.

[all groan]

- Vince isn't such a big sh*t
when he has to use his brain.

- And speaking of history,

I think there'll be a little
history in the making

this coming weekend,
when Vince Blake leads PCA

to its first-ever state
football championship!

BOY: Yeah!
TEACHER: Come on!

- All right, yeah!

[all cheering]

I could hug you, Vince.

[giggles]

Hey, what's life
without risk?

Come here.
All right.

Yeah.
Vince! Vince! Vince!

[all chanting "Vince!"]

[upbeat music]

[horn honks]

♪ ♪

- Girls,
every vending machine at PCA

brings in thousands of dollars
a month.

They're very profitable
for this school.

- Then why can't you afford
a normal-sized pool table?

♪ ♪

- My son-in-law bought me this.

Now, how are you supposed to hit
these tiny balls?

- Look, we're not trying to
get rid of the vending machines.

- We just want to get rid
of all the junk food

and fill them
with healthy snacks.

- Yeah, I don't really think
kids

will buy broccoli on a stick.

- They'll buy healthy snacks
if they taste good.

- Lots of them do.

- And, like, what if we could
find something

high in fiber and low--

[gags]

- Ah, Quinn, you swallowed
the cue ball.

- Like it's my fault?

- [sighs]

So what about our healthy snack
idea?

- I'm afraid not, Zoey.

- But, Dean, we're--
- Please.

I have to make
an important call.

- [coughs]

- Hello?

Yes, I'd like to order
a tiny cue ball.

♪ ♪

[knocking]

- Can I help you?

- Uh, yeah.

I think I left my TEK-Mate

in Mr. Toplin's classroom.

Mind if I go check?
- Yeah.

Well, make it quick.
- Thanks.

♪ ♪

[vaccuum whirring]

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[beeping]

CHASE: Well, I'm telling you,

Vince was taking pictures
of the test.

- So what if he was?

- Well, that's cheating.

PCA has an honor code,

and I'm pretty sure
that cheating is frowned upon.

- Yeah, well, uh,

if you bust Vince Blake
and get him suspended,

this whole school
is going to frown upon you.

- 'Cause we'll lose
the state championship.

- So I should just forget
what I saw and let him cheat.

- Yeah.
[both clapping]

- The boy's slow,
but he's catching on.

[clapping continues]

♪ ♪

QUINN: 1.3 kilograms.
MARK: 1.3.

[beeping]

- 1.7 kilograms.

- Wow.

LOLA: Any reason

you guys
are weighing cactuses?

- We're working on a
horticultural project together.

- I'm keeping a log.

- You two sure know how
to party it up, don't you?

- Ah, here we go, Moon Bars.

"Delicious and filling,
these rectangular treats

"from New Jersey
contain only 70 calories,

"11 grams of fiber,
and are made entirely

from pulverized vegetables,
soy protein, and whole grains."

- Why are you looking up
Moon Bars?

- 'Cause we're going to put them
in PCA's vending machines.

- Dean Rivers said no.

- Yeah, yeah.
I heard him.

- You can't defy the dean.

- Why are you defending him?

He sh*t a pool ball
down your throat.

- True.

- I got to take a break.

[crunch]

♪ ♪

- Mark!

You just sat
on the cactus africana!

MARK: I know.

Please call the nurse.

- ♪ You say ♪

♪ It's just what you wanted ♪

- He sat on a cactus?

- Lola said he spent six hours
in the infirmary

having needles removed
from his left butt cheek.

- Ow.

- It just proves my motto.

- What's your motto?

- Never sit on a cactus.

- That's a good motto.
- Very true.

- Hey, there's--
there's Vince.

- Man.

- Man, please don't do this.

- I'm just going to talk to him.

- No, dude.

- Chase--just--

- What's up, Vince?

- Uh, Chip?

- Chase.

Um, listen.

You got a minute to--
- Hi, Vince.

Can we get a picture with you?

- Later, okay?
- Okay.

- Sure.

- Happens all the time.

- Yeah, yeah.

I can't relate.

Um, look.

Last night I, uh,

I saw you
in Mr. Toplin's classroom,

and it sort of looked like

you were taking pics
of the test?

- Yeah.

- I--you know, I realize

that I could be wrong
accusing you of--

- You're not wrong.

- So you were taking pics
of the test.

- That's right.

What's the prob?

- Well, you know,
the "prob" is that--

you know, the PCA's got
an honor code

and cheating just kind of isn't
cool here, you know?

- Don't worry about it.
All right?

No one's gonna catch me.

- Are you sure on that?

- 100%.

I mean,

you're the only person
who knows,

so if I get busted,
I know who to blame, right?

You picking up
what I'm putting down?

- I'm picking it up.

- Good.

♪ ♪

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Wait, so Vince
didn't even deny it?

- Nope.

I told him I saw him taking pics
of the test,

and he totally admitted it.

- What a jerk.
- I know.

- I mean you.

Why'd you have to accuse him
of cheating?

What if you stress him out?
- Yeah, man.

Vince has got to be
focused on football

until Friday night when we win.

- Okay, okay, so let me see
if I got this straight, okay?

Cheating is wrong

unless you're a big
football hero.

- Yes.
- There you go.

- Zoey.

- I agree that cheating
is wrong.

- Thank you.

- That's 'cause she's a girl.

Girls always think wrong things
are wrong.

- But if you turn Vince in,
he's gonna get suspended,

which means PCA's gonna lose
the championship.

- I can't believe that you think
winning a football game

is more important than doing
what's right.

- I can't believe you think
it's worth ruining

something special for everybody,

just to bust one guy
for cheating one time.

- Oh, God, my head
is gonna explode.

- Good.

- Oh, that's really nice.

Now my friend is wishing me
head trauma.

- Vince Blake
is the best football player

that's ever gone to PCA.

- Yes, Vince is a big deal
at football,

but that doesn't make him
bigger than life.

[girls screaming]

And...

he's bigger than life.

- Sweet.

[squealing]

- ♪ Baby, since
I'm in the flesh ♪

- Hey, guys.

The Moon Bars came!

- Fresh from New Jersey.

- Well, hurry up and open them.

- Oh.

- Mm.
[cracking]

[both groaning]

- [gagging]

[all spitting]

- Oh, gross.

- If we put these
in the vending machines,

Dean Rivers
will have us arrested.

- They make my tongue sad.

- They're just so bitter.

What's wrong with New Jersians?

- I know.
Who would eat this?

- Ugh.

- We might be able to make
the Moon Bars

a lot better.

- How?

- Cactus goo.

- Cactus goo.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

Now hand me the Moon Bar.

♪ ♪

- You wanna tell us
what you're doing?

- Just taste this.

♪ ♪

- Mmm, it's good!

- [squeaks]

- Oh, my God, that's awesome.

- This is an extremely rare
cactus

grown only in the deserts
of southern Guadalapichu.

It contains a unique
piquant fluid.

- Which is tasty.

- But with almost no calories.

- How many of those cactuses
you got?

- About two dozen.

- cr*ck open the Moon Bars.

- Whoo!
- Yes.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Hey.

You Chase?
- Yeah.

- Coach Keller wants to talk
to you by the field house.

- Coach Keller.

If he makes me do squat thrusts,
I'm gonna puke on his shoes.

[upbeat rock music]

♪ ♪

- Afternoon.

- Oh, no snacks till I load up
the machine.

- No problem.

May I see your elbow?

- My elbow.

- I'm doing a project
for school.

It involves elbows.

May I see yours?

- Okay.

- How did she--

- Nerve pinch.

- Coach?

Hello?

Coach?

Oh!

Hey, hey, guys.

You seen the coach?

- Coach ain't coming.

- Oh.

That's weird,
'cause this guy over there

told me to meet him
right around here.

- Hey!
- Oh.

- We hear you're thinking about

busting Vince for cheating.

- And that's a bad idea.

- I'll tell you guys
what's a bad idea,

is messing with a guy
that knows karate.

[laughter]

- You know karate?

- Well, I know people that's--

that know karate.

For example,
my cousin in Phoenix,

he's just
a short plane ride away,

and his number is programmed
right in my--

- Just keep your mouth shut
about Vince.

- 'Cause we'd hate
to see you get hurt.

- Man.

People are crazy for Moon Bars.

- Did I tell you?

Did I say they'd buy healthy
snacks that taste good?

- Zoey.

Okay.

You were right.
I was wrong.

These Moon Bars are incredible.

- Yeah, listen.
I know it was wrong of us

to break into the machines

when you said not to, but--
- No, no.

I'm glad you did.

Mmm!

And low calorie, low fat.

- Totally.

- And filled with cactus goo.

- What kind of goo?

- Skip it.
[laughs]

- I got to get another one of
these things.

I'll take that.

Mmm!

GIRL: No, I want one.

Oh, my gosh, I want one.

No, no, I want it.

No.

[indistinct chatter]

- I'd like to congratulate you
all on your tests,

which I know were not easy.

Most of you did quite well.

- Vince, listen.

I want you to know I'm not gonna
turn you in for cheating--

- Cool.

- If...

you swear not to do it
anymore.

- I hear you.

- Good.

No more cheating.

- No, I was just letting you
know I hear ya.

I'm still gonna cheat.

- Dude.

Don't irritate Vince.

- And it looks like we have a
new MVP of this class.

Vince Blake gets 100.

[cheers and applause]
BOY: Yeah!

BOY: That's right!
- Vince can do anything.

- Nice work, Vince.

- Hey.

When Vince Blake does
something,

he always--

- Vince cheated.

- What did you say?

- Vince stole the answers
to the test.

I saw him do it.

- That's a lie.

- Chase, that's
a very serious charge.

- I know.

- Well, unless you have some
proof, I suggest--

CHASE: He snuck in here at night

and took pictures of the test

with his cell phone.

And I bet he wasn't smart enough
to delete them.

- Vince, may I see your cell
phone?

[calm music]

♪ ♪

- So Mr. Toplin found the pics
in his phone?

- Yep, and Vince got academic
suspension.

So he can't play in the state
finals.

So...

everyone at PCA hates me.

- Not everyone hates you.

- You think I did the right
thing?

- Tell you what--

if I make this basket,

then you did the right thing.

- Excellent.

- Listen, I should get going.

- Okay.

I think I'm gonna hang out here,
I think,

you know,
sh**t some air balls.

- You're good at that.

Night.
- Night.

Okay.

If I make this,
I will one day own my own zebra.

Yes!

I shall name him Zebo.

Uh...

Um,

hi?

- I told you not to mess with
me.

- You should've just kept your
mouth shut.

- Fine.
Come on.

You wanna b*at me up?

Do it.

It's not gonna change things.

- It will change your face.

- Touché.

- All right now, just--
just hold up.

- Hey, Reese, Barret.

You guys gonna help us do a
little dance on Matthews' face?

- Nope.

- There's gonna be a fight?

You guys said we were gonna see
a movie.

- Now, look.

Why don't you guys just

go on back to your dorms,
all right?

- I don't think so.

- Okay.

But if you're gonna mess
with Chase,

you're gonna mess with us too.

- They just hit you guys?

- Hit.

- Punched.

- Kicked.

- It was a medley of pain.

- You poor guys.

- Yeah.

But at least they got b*at up

for doing the right thing.

- I can't believe
the three of you

took on the whole football team.

- Four of us.

- Yeah.

Del Figgalo helped, sort of.

- Mark?

My Mark?

Where is he?

- ♪ Basketball blues ♪

♪ I got the basketball blues ♪

♪ Unh ♪

- Okay.

Chapter seven.

- Oh.
STACEY: Zoey?

Zoey!

- Hey, Stacey.

- You have to order more Moon
Bars.

- Huh?
- The vending machine is out.

There's one stuck in there,

and a bunch of kids are trying
to break inside to get at it.

DEAN RIVERS: Zoey!

Zoey!

We need more Moon Bars.

They're all gone.
- Oh, there's one left.

It's stuck in the machine.

- Stuck in the--

- [yelps]

- What's going on?

- Quinn.

- Well, the cactus goo I used

does have an...

addictive quality.

- Addictive?

- Yeah.

The more you eat,

the more your body craves it.

It makes people go crazy.

It's what destroyed
the civilization

of Guadalapichu in 1721.

- Then why do you let us
inject it in all the Moon Bars?

- It's very low-calorie!

You want the last one?

- Quinn!

- We got to get rid of this.

GIRL: Hey!

She's got the last Moon Bar.

[all screaming]

- Here, Vince, have a Moon Bar.

- Moon Bar?

[screams]

- I want a Moon Bar.

I want a Moon Bar.

[all screaming]

- ♪ Yeah, yeah, you ♪

♪ Just gotta let it loose ♪

♪ And do what
you choose to do ♪

♪ Don't walk away ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ If you wanna play ♪

♪ Come and play today ♪

♪ Let's just get away ♪

[ding]
- Mmm.

CHASE: It was a medley of pain.