Math classes 70% more boring for
Kids.
- [ All chattering ] - okay.
Next up... I say next up is
Uh...
[ Groans ]
Senator safely.
Well, it's about time!
Ah!
[ Clears throat ]
You've been deliberately
Ignoring the very important, new
Child safety laws I've been
Trying to pass,
Mr. Senate leader, sir.
That's because your laws are
Boring, safely!
It's always, "oh, let's make
Tacos safer for kids!"
And "oh, no, kids might swallow
Those fishing rods!"
Precisely!
Virtually everything kids touch
Today is a virtually virtual
Death trap!
So, I've prepared a report on
What to do about it, which I
Will now read all 60,000 pages
Of to you.
Oh! Owee, owee, owee, owee!
Paper cut!
[ All groaning ]
Aw, cut it out, safely.
We're trying to make some fun
Laws that make life miserable
- For kids, not laws that protect - them.
- ]] But... But... But what about - my report?
Look.
How's about we give you, uh,
"Eleventy" billion dollars to
"Research" the problem, all
Right?
So, get to researching!
[ Laughter ]
All right.
Now who wants to draft a bill
Outlawing stupid cartoons that
Make fun of adults?
Oh, me!
Me!
Me!
Oh, bunch of jerks!
What am I gonna do with
"Eleventy" billion dollars?
"Eleventy" billion dollars?
"Eleventy bill... Ow!
[ Panting ]
Oh, man, I'm late, I'm late,
I'm... [ Gasps ]
Crud!
Ow, ow!
Ow, ow, ow!
Ow, ow, ow!
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
And anthony davis has cracked
One, chip.
You betcha, nick.
His butt's gonna be really sore
After busting up that much
Asphalt.
Indeed.
He is a true competitor who
Deserves to be here at this
Year's "butt busting" playground
Tournament finals.
And speaking of competitors,
Here comes ziggy jane.
Wow, nick!
Talk about gluteus maximus.
There you are, numbuh 4.
Where have you been?
You're up next.
Hold on!
I want to see this guy.
[ Whistle blows ]
Let's hurt some heinie!
Oh, and it's a great launch
For ziggy jane.
He's down the slide and over to
The merry-go-round.
Back to the slide and straight
Up into a triple butt-side
Laid-back burial.
And...
[ Crying ]
Ow, ow!
Ow, ow, ow! Ow, ow!
Eight inches!
Oh.
Oh, tough break.
Ziggy's got great style, nick,
But style just doesn't cr*ck the
Concrete like it used to.
And speaking of concrete,
Chip, next up is 5-time
Butt-busting champion,
Wallabee beetles.
It's all you, champ.
Just follow the path you've been
Practicing.
Right.
Swing set to seesaw, up the
Slide, over the rocking hippo,
And straight up!
It's in the bag.
[ Talking gibberish ]
Joey, I thought I told you to
Stay home with mom!
[ Talking gibberish ]
Okay, fine.
You can watch, but just keep out
Of the way.
[ Laughs ]
And wallabee beetles
Approaches the swing in an
Attempt to continue his dynasty
Of derriere destructiveness.
Let's break some booty!
Wallabee gets ready for his
Launch, and... Hold it!
There seems to be an
Interruption on the field.
Look at the cute, little
Baby!
He's a cute baby.
You're a cute baby!
Aw, don't you just love when
Babies run around "nakies,"
Nick?
Joey!
What do you think you're do...
Whoa-oa-oa!
Aaahhhh!
Whoa!
Whaaa!
Whaa! Aaahh!
Ah-ha-ha-ha!
[ Groaning ]
.02 "magnomameters."
Oh, that has to not hurt.
[ Alarm blaring ]
I heard the safety signal.
What's going on?
[ Gasps ]
Safety scans show playground
Activity resulting in serious
Damage to child buttocks.
Recommend immediate action.
You're darn skippy we're
Taking action!
After years of preparation and
The oodles of government money I
Spent, my safety program is
Finally complete!
And what better place to test it
Than an asphalt- and medal-laden
Playground?!
Affirmative.
Safety shall be established.
Parent-disapproved sports, I
Have never witnessed an upset
Like this.
Wallabee beetles, the seemingly
Undefeatable butt-busting
Champion, taken down by a sissy
Little girl.
Hi!
Oh!
The only reason she won is
Because of my stupid brother,
Dancing around like a doofus!
I mean, look at him!
All: go, baby!
Go, baby!
Go, baby!
See what I mean?!
Go!
Just go home already!
Come on, nick, let's ditch
This loser and go watch the baby
Dance.
[ Screams ]
Don't worry about it, champ.
There's always next year.
[ Crowd yells ]
Ohh!
Tournament or no tournament,
I'll show these people how to
cr*ck some pavement.
Ah-ah-ahh!
Oh, good one, numbuh 4, but I
Can't believe you didn't cr*ck
Anything with that.
Ah, that wasn't me.
Yee-hah!
Dance on!
[ Footsteps approach ]
Come on, there, baby.
Get back to dancing all
Funny-like.
What the...
Bubble wrap?!
Toy g*n represents safety
Hazard to children.
w*apon neutralized.
Preparing to neutralize
Additional threats.
[ Children scream ]
Oh, you want to mess with the
Six-gum g*ng, do you?
Alert.
This unit under att*ck by
Projectiles that may injure
Child's eyes.
[ All screaming ]
They represent 47% chance of
Skinned knees.
Recommend immediate safety
Procedures.
Immobilizing targets to prevent
Abrasions.
You want some of this, too?
[ Crying ]
Sensor shows naked baby in
Danger of sunburn.
- Administering immediate - sunblock.
Joey, look out!
I thought I told you to go home!
- ]] Kids next door - d.r.a.g.s.t.u.h....
Dynamic racer always goes
Speedily tearing up highway.
Come on!
We got to get back to the
Tree house for backup.
Right!
Let's go!
Aren't you forgetting
Something?
Ehh...
Joey?
He can get home by himself!
Alert.
Children aren't wearing proper
Protective gear inside wheeled
Vehicle.
Stop!
Oh, come on, you big baby.
Let's go, let's go, let's go!
Vehicles traveling at speeds
Over 1.2 miles per hour
Represent a safety risk.
Hold still.
Try keeping this diaper on this
Time, okay?
Step on it, numbuh 2!
That thing's gaining on us!
[ Tires screech ]
Look out!
Alert.
Infant is not restrained in
Child-safety seat.
Hold on!
Come on, guys!
All: ahh!
This unit recommends wearing
A safety belt.
Good one, numbuh 2!
Oh!
Give it a rest with the cruddy
Dancing already.
Why-aye!
Aaahhhh!
[ Both moaning ]
Well, at least we made it back
To the tree house.
But numbuh 5 and the others must
Be trapped inside.
We got to get them out.
Hey, where's joey?
Joey, where are you?
Joey!
Are you all right, joey?!
Please tell me you're all right!
[ Talking gibberish ]
Good.
Because I'm gonna "smashamatize"
You, you little stinker!
Take it easy, numbuh 4.
He's just a baby.
Ah, he's a baby, all right...
A big, dumb baby who's been
Nothing but a big pain in the
Neck all day!
Why can't you just go home like
I told you to?
You heard me!
Go home!
Go on!
Scram!!
[ Talking gibberish, crying ]
Nice brotherly love there,
Mr. Sensitive.
We don't have time for stupid
Babies getting in our way.
We've got to get the rest of the
Kids next door out and stop
Those other two robots from
Making everything so safe it's
No fun anymore.
Yeah?
Well, I think we've got bigger
Problems than those two robots!
You're right.
- There's at least four of them - out there.
This structure, I repeat,
Unsafe for children.
Prepare for immediate
Dismantling.
[ Panting ]
Don't worry, numbuh 4.
I've got just the hardware to
Take care of this guy.
Catch.
Kids next door
H.a.i.r.c.u.t.t.e.r....
Hacking armament is really
Completely unsafe, though
Totally exterminates robots.
Both: aaahhhh!
- ]] [ All gasp ] - ]] alert!
Children have not waited half an
Hour after eating to go
Swimming.
Advise using flotation devices.
Warning... Rainbow monkey fur
May cause uncomfortable rash
And/or itchiness.
[ Children screaming ]
So, you see, my fellow
Senators, finally we are
Building a world that is truly
Safe for kids.
Ah, porcupine posteriors.
Who cares about safety?
I just like watching those
Miserable kids run around like
Monkeys with their butts on
Fire.
Negative.
Child safety is priority.
Safety, "shmafety."
Just keep the brats out of our
Hair, would you?
Hey!
What's the big idea?
M-master safety bot, what are
You doing?!
Mobile safety scans have
Shown that even with the
Eradication of all hazardous
Materials, there still remains
One major thr*at to children.
What are you talking about?
We destroyed their bikes, made
All their games educational.
We even made their tacos safer
To eat!
What else is there?!
The last remaining thr*at to
Child safety is...
Adults!
And it was a crazy day in the
Capital today, as the senate was
Completely overrun by giant
Hordes of... Safety bots, intent
On purging the world of things
They deem unsafe for kids,
Including adults.
You bet, bob.
And everything must go.
Golf clubs, trains, buses,
Airplanes... You name it.
If it can poke your eye out or
Moves faster than a snail, then
- These guys are getting rid of - it.
How about nail clippers?
Are they...
Aaahhhh!
Alert.
Safety scans show children
Sitting too close to
Televisions.
Neutralizing thr*at immediately.
[ Talking gibberish ]
[ All screaming ]
Neutralize adults.
Neutralize adults.
Neutralize adults.
Alert.
Target child is unsupervised.
Must be secured.
Ahh!
[ Dog barks ]
Stupid safety bots!
How come every time you build
Giant robots, they got to go and
Take over the world?!
Well, I'll show them.
I'll...
Alert, alert.
Alert, alert.
[ Screaming ]
This unit under att*ck by
Children running with scissors.
What a "sharp" observation.
Get it?
Alert.
Aaahhhh!
Cut it out with the cruddy
Jokes, numbuh 2.
Looks like you're the one
Cutting it out, numbuh 4.
[ Laughs ]
Children running with
Scissors.
Alert.
Object...
[ Speaking gibberish ]
Well, that's two down.
Yeah.
Only 50 "bamillion" to go.
Give me those!
You kids shouldn't be playing
With sharp things.
You give those back.
Yeah, they're all we've got
To fight those robots with.
Well, I've got a better way.
Master safety bot, all safety
Bots have returned to the safety
Cone.
Acknowledged.
Await further orders.
Prepare to initiate final safety
Plan.
[ Panting ]
Are you listening to me?
For the last time, give us back
Our weapons!
And for the last time, no!
Children should not be playing
With dangerous toys like that.
Ow!
Well, if you're so gung ho
For safety, then why do you want
To shut down the safety bots?
I'm all for safety, but not
If it inconveniences adults.
I mean, those stupid robots took
My car and my golf clubs.
Figures.
So what's your big plan if you
Won't let use weapons,
"Eisenstein"?
Well, just to be safe, when I
Designed the safety bots, I
Installed a global fail-safe
Safety override here in the
Safety cone, and it's just
Through here.
Hatch secure.
Launch system's online.
All safety bots in proper order.
Shh!
There it is.
Welcome back to the safety
Cone, senator.
Have you come to witness the
Final "safetification" of the
Planet?
I came here to shut you
Machines down, in the name of
Adult leisure activities!
Please input
Well, that's new.
Waahhh!
I am sorry, senator.
You can never be too careful
When protecting children.
Well, who asked you to
Protect us kids anyway?
Um, actually, that was me.
But you safety bots have gone
Too far!
Negative.
Adults are the ones who have
Gone too far.
Adults create loud,
Eardrum-damaging music for
Children.
- Adults create - tooth-decay-inducing candy for
Children.
Adults allow a baby to roam the
Streets by himself.
[ Blows raspberries ]
Um, actually, that was me.
Silence!
After further safety scans, we
Have concluded that children and
Adults not only thr*aten the
Safety of children, but your
Entire planet does.
Volcanoes, oceans, earthquakes,
Poison ivy, and more all
Represent hazards.
Therefore, we have implemented
The ultimate safety plan.
Behold!
The safety cone will leave the
Earth and achieve full orbit.
Once there, all safety bots will
Be deployed to create a giant
Ring that would circle the
Globe.
Once the mission is complete,
They will begin the process of
Permanent neutralization.
Completely wrapped in cushy,
Protective bubble wrap, the
Earth shall forever be protected
So that children may be safe at
Last.
But what are you gonna do
With us?
You have been deemed a thr*at
To yourselves and to other
Children.
Once we have achieved orbit, you
Will be sh*t into the
Frozen-food nebula to be
Neutralized for all time.
Goodbye.
Wait!
Aside from telling you that
That's the stupidest idea ever,
Can I just say one thing to my
Little brother?
Safety scans show no harm.
You may speak.
I... I'm sorry, joey.
I shouldn't have yelled at you
Before about all your dancing
And stuff.
Hmm!
No, really.
To be honest, I think it's
Funny when you dance around and
Stuff.
- ]] [ Talking gibberish ] - ]] yeah!
Maybe you could dance around for
Him one last time.
What are you saying that for?
I was just trying to be nice.
No. Look!
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Funny baby!
Ha ha ha!
Go, baby!
Go, baby!
Quick!
Can you reach our hair cutter?
No!
What if someone gets hurt?
We're all gonna get hurt if
You don't put a sock in it and
Help us!
No!
No! Get away!
Hold still!
Ha ha ha!
Funny baby!
Almost!
Got it!
All right!
I'm cutting in on this dance,
You cruddy tin can!
Ha ha!
Funny dancing baby.
Alert!
Child running with scissors.
Ha ha ha!
Ha!
Whaa!
Alert!
[ Gasps ]
Joey!
Noooo!
Enough!
Target child is terminally
Unsafe.
Authorizing permanent
Neutralization.
You're calling me a thr*at?!
I'm not the one who caused this!
Error.
This unit is incapable of
Harming a child.
Well, you did!
You blasted the cutters into the
Air!
You hurt my little brother!
Error, error.
If this unit has harmed a child,
Then this unit is a thr*at to
Children.
Aahhh!
See?
It's a wonder you cruddy robots
Haven't "squishified" any kids
With your big, dumb feet!
If all threats to children
Must be neutralized, and this
Unit is a thr*at to children,
Then this unit must be
Neutralized because...
Please, get home safely.
[ Both scream ]
Aahhh!
[ Both scream ]
Aahhh!
[ Crying ]
"Eleventy" billion inches!
Holy cow!
A new world butt-busting record.
Wallabee beetles, what does
It feel like to get the
Butt-busting trophy back?
Who cares?!
The stupid robots hurt my baby
Brother!
Oh, joey, joey, joey, joey,
Joey!
That was brilliant,
Numbuh 4.
Putting ketchup on joey to fool
The robot was sheer genius.
Ketchup?
Huh?
Why, you little stinker!
I thought you were really hurt.
Why, I ought to...
[ Clears throat ]
Yeah, ketchup.
It was a brilliant idea, wasn't
It?
Just like this ketchup I put on
My knee.
Uh, no, actually, I think
That's blood.
[ Stammering ]
See?
I told you someone was gonna get
Hurt!
Ahh!
♪ Kids next door
♪ Kids next door
[ Electric guitar solo ]
♪ Kids next door
♪ Kids next door
♪ Kids next door
[ Electric guitar solo ]
♪ Kids next door
♪ Kids next door
06x01 - Operation: E.N.G.L.A.N.D./Operation: A.W.A.R.D.S.
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Show revolves around a group of five 10-year-old kids (later retconned to be varying ages), using codenames Numbuhs 1 through 5, who are the main home operatives of what is known as Sector V, which is part of a worldwide espionage-style organization called the Kids Next Door.
Show revolves around a group of five 10-year-old kids (later retconned to be varying ages), using codenames Numbuhs 1 through 5, who are the main home operatives of what is known as Sector V, which is part of a worldwide espionage-style organization called the Kids Next Door.