03x15 - Stuck In Two Holes

[bunniefuu]

KID DANGER: Ah, where'd he go?

CAPTAIN MAN: There! He went down the alley.

Hey, where are you Jeff?

You're only making it worse by running.

KID DANGER: Shut-up!

- [ groaning ] - What's that?

- It came from over there.

- Come on, let's get him.

CAPTAIN MAN: We saw you go in there, Jeff!

KID DANGER: You're not gonna get away!

All right. C'mon, let's go through the window!

- Nah, let's use the door!

- The door's probably gonna be locked!

- That's okay. I brought my foot.

All right, Jeff!

Where is your stupid self?!?

- Ahhhh!!!

I'm takin' you down!

- Jeff, Stop it! What are you doing?

- You're embarrassing yourself!

Will you quit it?!?

All right, Jeff.

I don't know how you escaped from jail...

Or why you jumped through that window

but you're going--

Owww!!!

- Jeff!

- Aww, what happened to using our words man?

- All right, you dopey thug.

Time for your nap.

- Owww!

- You bass hat!

- Wait, why didn't your laser knock him out?

- I dunno.

- It's cuz I'm tough as butt, that's why!

Haha...ha... Owww!

You horse pile!

- Wait, what's wrong with these things?

- I don't know... unless...

Did you forget to charge these last night,

like I told you to?

- Oh. Well...

- Hehe, later!!! Owww! Gahhhh!

- How could you forget to charge the lasers?!?

- Well I was gonna charge the lasers,

but then you made me go get you a pumpkin-spice latte!

Which you're obsessed with!

- Well you can't get pumpkin-spice lattes

all year 'round, y'know! It's a seasonal item.

- All right,

I'm sorry I didn't charge the lasers. Okay?

- Oh, you're "sorry"?!?

What if we'd been goin' after a real criminal, huh?!?

- Hey! I'm a real criminal.

- A real stupid one.

- Oh, I'm stupid?

You dopes are the ones with inadequate lasers.

Hahahaha!

- Oh that's it!

- Watch your head!

- Ahhh!

- Get him! - I wanna talk to a lawyer!

- You can't afford a lawyer!

- Couldn't we just get some dinner or something--Oww!

Owww! Come on!

- This is your fault, Kid.

Get him! Just get him, will you?

- Oww! - Haha! Ow!

That one made me real dizzy.

- Go down! - Your lasers can't stop me.

- One more.

- Ow...I'm still conscious.

- One more. And...one more.

- Oww... That did it.

- Nice. - Woo!

- Now uh, pick up all those movies

and put 'em back on the shelves.

- What?!? Why?

- Because it's our responsibility

to leave this store the way we found it.

- But this place has been abandoned

since like the nineteen hundreds.

- Put the movies on the shelves.

- But it's dangerous--

this place is fallin' apart.

- Movies on the shelves. - But--

- On the shelves!

- But what about the-- - The shelves!

- But--But... - Shelves! SHELVES!

- D'ahhhhh!

- What? Awwww...

- Seriously? Now you wanna play?

- I'm not playing!

I fell through the stupid floor,

when I was picking up a VHS tape of Good Burger!

- You found Good Burger?!? Well, where'd it...

Hah! Hahahahaha!

Oh my gosh, I love this movie!

Welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger...

Can I take your order?

- It all just kinda happened.

I wanted an after-school job.

But then, an indestructible superhero

hired me to be his sidekick.

- Ah!

- Now we blow bubbles...

and fight crime. Feels good.

[ theme music ]

- Call it. - Up the tube!

- Aw, my boot! - Ha!

[ upbeat music playing ]

- Hey, you guys.

What are you doing here on a Sunday?

- We're here to meet Henry.

- And uh... what are you doing?

- I'm taking a bean bath.

- Mmmm, good beans.

So...why do you have those pretty pistols?

- We're goin' with Henry to the squirt g*n range.

- Yeah. Where is Henry?

- Schwoz, have you seen Henry?

- No. He and Ray

went to capture Jeff yesterday

and never came back.

- And you're not worried?

- Hey, could you guys grab that bucket of beans

and pour it over my body?

- No! - Gross.

- Cowards!

- Come on Henry... answer...

[ phone buzzing ]

- C'mon Kid, can't ya reach your phone?

- No, I can't reach my phone. I'm in a hole.

You know that.

[ phone stops buzzing ] [ sigh ]

- I'm so hungry.

- Yeah well... I have to pee.

- Well I'd much rather have to pee than be hungry.

- Wrong.

- I'm...I'm wrong?

- Peeing is greater than hunger.

Alright man, well if you have to pee so bad,

why don't you just pee alright, just--just pee.

- In my Captain Pants?!?

- Yeah, why not?

- You're sick.

- I don't think I'm sick. - Well, think again.

Your whole generation's just...messed up, sick.

- Y'know... when you generalize...

- Yeah?

- You tell general...lies.

[ snoring ]

- D'aaaahhhhh!!! I can't take it...

I can't take Jeff's snoring--anymore!

- I know. I know. I know.

Let's both yell, as loud as we can, at the same time.

- Good idea. Maybe that'll wake him up.

- Yeah maybe. - On three...

- Yeah. One... - Two...

- Ahhhhhhh!!! - Ahhhhh!!!

- Jeff! Jeff! - Jeff One! Jeff two!

- Jeff! Jeff! Jeff! - Jeff! Jefffffff!

- Jeff!

- I'm so hungry.

- I'm so pee-filled.

- Are you adding rice to your bean bath?

- Yahhh.

What, like I'm the first person in the world

to mix "rice and beans?"

- Hey... hey hey...

I think I found Ray and Henry...

Looks like...

they're in that old store that used to rent movies!

- Beta Maximus?!? - Uh-huh!

- Hey Charlotte, can you come over here please

and help me with the-- - Nooooo.

[ phone ringing ]

- Swellview police. What's your emergency?

- You need to send a S.W.A.T. team

to the old video store in South Swellview, Beta Maximus.

- Why? That place has been closed

since the nineteen hundreds.

- I know! But I heard

that Captain Man and Kid Danger are there,

and I think there's big trouble.

- Okaaaay, I get it...

- Uh... You get what?

- You're a teenager,

you're dumb, and you're bored,

so you're prank callin' the police.

- Uhh...No sir, I just need--

- Ya know, "irritating a police officer" is a felony.

- I...I don't think that's true.

- Never call back here!

- No wait! But-- - Never!

- He hung up on me!

- You can't prank call the cops.

- I wasn't prank ca-- ah, forget it.

Schwoz, you need to drive Jasper and me to Beta Maximus!

- For why?

- For to help Ray and Henry!

- No. - Wh--?! No?!?

Whaddaya mean, no?!?

- Last week, I asked Ray for a raise.

You know what he said to me? - What?

- He said: "Why don't you 'raise' your hand,

and slap your face with it?"

Then, Henry laughed.

It was hoomalating.

- Okay, fine--then we'll handle this ourselves.

- How are we going we handle-- [ phone buzzes ]

- Who is it?!?

- It's Henry's dad.

- Oh man, he's probably looking for Henry.

- No worries, I got this.

Hey, Mister Hart.

- Jasper! We can't find Henry!

Do you know where Henry is?!?

- Uhhhhhhhhhh...

please hold.

- Yeah. You "got that" good.

- Here Jasper, hand me your phone.

- Okay.

- What are you gonna do? - Just apsshhjiji--

- Testing, one two three...

This little Henry went to market...

this little Henry stayed home...

[voice transforming into Henry's voice ]

...this little Henry ate a chicken breast...

a chicken breast... chicken breast...

I'm Henry Hart, and I ate a chicken breast.

Now...watch this.

Hey Dad, what goes on?

- Henry! Is that you?!?

- Uh, yeah, 'course it's me.

I mean, it's not like I'm some dude,

sittin' in a pool a'beans.

- Well, where have you been?!?

Why didn't you come home last night?!?

- Uhhh yeah, sorry,

I spent the night at Jasper's house.

- Oh. Well, why aren't you responding

to our phone calls or text messages?!?

- 'Kay, later.

[ back to normal voice ] Ta-daaaaa!

Now please... leave me here in my beans.

- Oh god, I'm so hungry!

- Look kid, I know you're hungry

but you need to just stay fo-- Ahhh!!! A rat!!!

Ah! Look, a rat!!! Rat! Rat! Rat!

- I wish that rat would walk right into my mouth.

- Look kid, you need to stay strong. All right?

I mean, how do you think I feel?

I've had to pee since last night.

[ muffled laugh ]

[ snoring ]

- Wait! Are you sure about this?

- Well somebody's gotta drive us to Beta Maximus!

- I know, but...Piper?

- She has a driver's license.

- Yeah, which the DMV sent her by accident.

- Whatever, she's a legal driver and that's what we need!

Unless you wanna get your Uncle Rosco to drive us.

- You know my Uncle Rosco can't fit in a car!

- Then let's go in!

- Hey Piper. - Oh, hi Charlotte.

- Hey Piper. - What?

- We uh, found this package on your porch.

- And it's addressed to you.

- Okay. Well I just started eating a hamburger,

so I'll open it when I'm done.

[ whispers ]

- Uh, but Piper... uh, they-they say

that when you know you have a package,

it's bad luck if you wait to open it.

- Yeah. I've never heard that.

- Well, I think it's true.

And uh... look at this box.

- What about it?

- It's like...brown.

- Yeah, uh, I'm not opening it

'til after I finish my hamburger.

- Okay...

- Wait! Where did it go?

Umm... - Ooo Piper!

I just saw that this package says:

"From the office of Captain Man."

- Seriously?

What do you think it is?!?

- Uh, we have no idea. - Yeah, it's not like

we had anything to do with that package.

- We just found it.

- Ooo, a letter from Captain Man!

- Oh! Whaaaat??? - Whoa whaaaat???

- "Dear Piper Hart.

Since you're the president of my fan club, the Man Fans,

I need your help."

Oh my god, he wants my help!

- Wow! - Keep reading!

- Yeah yeah...

"Kid Danger and I might be in trouble,

so please bring the weapons in the box

to that old movie rental place, Beta Maximus."

- Oh! - Well, wow.

- Whoooaaa!

One of Captain Man's actual blasters!

- Uh yeah okay, be careful with that.

- Well c'mon, let's bring the box of weapons

and get there fast!

- 'Kay! I'll go grab the keys

to my dad's mini van!

[ snoring ]

[ fly buzzing ]

- Oh...Yeah...

yeah...

hey little fly... c'mere...

- Kid, what are you doing?!?

- I'm starving okay, so I'm trying...

...to eat...

...this fly.

- Oh my god,

that is nauseating.

How can you even think about eating a...

- No! I'm hungrier. - Come here.

- Come here. I need it! - I saw it first!

- Fly! Ah! - Come here...

I promise you a quick and easy death...

- Pleasee... - Ahhh...

- Awwww gross, a rat.

- Jeff! Jeff! - What?

- Get over here, right now.

- Hahaha. You guys are in holes.

- Thank you, Jeff.

We didn't realize we were in holes.

- Just grab Kid Danger's phone, call the police,

tell 'em to come here right now.

- No.

- N--?!? - Wha--?

- I'm not playin' with you Jeff,

call the cops and tell them to get here

so they can get us outta these holes.

- So, you're sayin'...

you can't get outta these holes by yourselves?

- That's right Jeff!

We can't get outta the holes!

- Ahh geeze!

Any to -year-old could understand this.

- Okay. So, just to confirm...

you guys are stuck in these holes.

- GEEZE! YES, WE'RE STUCK!!!

- YES!!! IN THE HOLES!!! WE'RE STUCK IN THE HOLES!!!

WE'RE STUCK IN THESE TWO HOLES, JEFF!!!

- Ha...ha... Hahaha!

Hahahahahaha! Yes!!

Yeah! I finally did it!

- No, no...

- I took on Captain Man and Kid Danger,

and I'm victorious!

- No, no, you lost fair and square...

Look at me! I'm Jeff!

Master criminal! Hahahaha!

Oh! Da-da-da... da-da-da...

- Oh now he's dancing!

- Sorry, losers!

You been hole trapped!

- You did not "trap" us, Jeff!

- We fell through the stupid floor!

- Oh yeah? That's your story!

My story is I trapped you,

and my story's gonna have pics! [ snapping photos ]

- Aww, don't do tha-- - Aw, come on!

- Ahhh let's get a butt filter in there.

- God, I hate you so much!

- All right, freeze, Jeff!

- What the?!? - Oh boy.

- Who are you?

- While Captain Man and Kid Danger

are stuck in those holes, I'm in charge.

- No, I am.

- No you're the designated driver!

- Okay, I don't know where you brats came from,

but you better get outta here,

unless you want me to put you guys in holes,

like I did with Captain Man and Kid Danger.

- Okay, he did not put us in these holes!

- We fell through these rotten old wooden floors!

- We are a victim of wood rot!

- Liars!

They oughta call you guys Captain Liar and Fib Danger!

- All right Jeff!

Put your back behind your hands! - Other way.

Put your hands behind your back!

- No!

- Well...if ya don't,

I'ma' blast you with this!

- Son, don't blast anyone, just call the police.

- Yeah, son.

- Hey kid! I'm gonna sit on Captain Man...

with my butt!

- No you're not! Jeff! - Look at this...

- Jeff! - I'm squatting...

- I'm comin' back slowly... - Blast him! Blast him now!

- Do it! - Blast him! Blast hiimmm!!!

- Come on! - Come on get up!

- Ha! Now I've defeated three dudes!

- All right, that's it.

- Uh, Piper, I don't know-- - Hey skunk-bag!

- AAHHHHHH!!! - Oww!

- Hey! Hey! - Piper, C'mon, follow me!

- Girls, be careful with those weapons.

- And remember, Jeff is very stupid.

- I heard that!

- Shhhhh!!!

- All right, Jeff-- where are you?

[ all screaming ]

- Where'd he go?!? - I dunno!

And where's your blaster?!?

- Ha!!! - Ahhhh!!!

- Don't move!!!

Yeah...sorry girls...

you're about to get stun-b*rned.

- No Jeff! - Don't do it, Jeff!

- Ahhhhh!

Ah dang, it's outta battery!

- Quick, Piper!

Grab some of these antique video rectangles!

- 'Kay-Kay!

- Yeah! That's it! VHS power!

- You go!

- D'ahhh! This is the worst!

- Okay! I think that-- - All right...

- I think he gets it, guys... - That's enough...

- Just two more.

- Take Flash Dance!

- And Gandhi!

- Sorry Gandhi.

- Sometimes v*olence IS the answer.

- Ah...what hit me?

- You hit yourself.

- Classic Jasper.

- All right, I'm calling the fire department

to get you two outta those holes.

- Good. And tell 'em to hurry

before I pee in my Captain Pants!

- No! First...

call a pizza place before I die of hunger!

- You really want me to call-- - Wait-wait!

If you're hungry, I got food in my pants!

- Ah...Here!

- What the...?

- My hamburger!

- Gross!

I'm not gonna eat a hamburger that was in your...

[ oven bell ] - Mmm.