07x09 - Doug and the Bluffington Five

[bunniefuu]

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop ♪

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boo-doo-bop ♪

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop ♪

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boo-doo-bop ♪

[whistling]

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop ♪

-[chattering]
-♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boo-doo-bop ♪

-[chuckling]
-Pfft.

[growling]

[screaming]

[yelping]

[whistling]

[indistinct talking]

[screaming]

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop du-bop ♪

Watch out, Doug. It's coming your way.

[Doug] You're going to get
past me now, huh?

No way!

-Huh?
-[laughs]

Yes!

[Doug] Dear, Journal

it seems like every game
I've ever played with Patti, I lost.

It's making me crazy.

I mean, how do you impress a girl

if she's better than you at everything?

Oh, man!

[Doug] But then it happened.

I finally found my sport.

-[grunts]
-Wow, man. k*ller serve.

Yep, I'd been practicing
day and night for weeks

and I was finally ready.

[announcer] Ping-pong superstar
Doug Funnie

takes on four challengers simultaneously

and defeats every one!

[crowd cheering, band playing]

Oh, Doug, you're so ping-pongy!

[sigh]

-[Patti] Hey, Doug. Hey, Skeeter.
-Huh?

Hey, Patti. [chuckles]

So why did you want to meet me here?

Oh, uh, no reason.

Just thought we might play
a little ping-pong.

Well, I haven't played ping-pong
in a long time.

I'm not sure how good I'll be,
but OK, why not?

Great. I'll serve.

[Doug] So this was it,
the day of reckoning.

The day I would finally...

[grunts]

Huh?

Oh, man!

[footsteps]

[door creaks]

[whistles]

[whooshing]

Whoa.

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop du-bop ♪

[laughing]

[Doug] My plan to impress Patti
was failing miserably.

Sorry.

[grunts]

Wow! Touchdown!

In your face, buddy!

Wow, it's amazing!

Wow! 21 to nothing. That was cool.

[growls]

Oh, uh, good game?

Hey, Floser!

Get it? Funnie, loser... Floser!

[laughs]

[all laughing]

Oh, Roger, it's not important
who won or lost.

-Right, Doug?
-Right.

But Funnie didn't just lose.

He got creamed!

[laughing]

Floser!

Don't pay any attention to them, Doug.

That was fun.

I really worked up an appetite.

Let's go to Swirly's.

Floser. [laughs]

I k*ll me!

What's the use?

There's no way I'm ever going
to impress Patti.

She's still better than me at everything.

Now, come on, man.
Nobody's better at everything.

Patti is.

[Doug] I'll bet Quailman
never has days like this.

No one ever calls him a loser.

[narrator] Streaking out of the cosmos

from the far reaches of the planet Bob

comes that hero of heroes, Quailman.

On land, in the air, or even the high seas

no matter where perfidious purveyors
of wrongdoing

choose to carry out
their nefarious schemes

there is no escape from the speed

and intelligence of the quail.

Not to mention the power of the quail eye

which renders evildoers
helpless and stupefied.

Oh, no! The quail eye!

We're helpless and stupefied.

[narrator] Even in the farthest reaches
of the interstellar void

Quailman is there

bobbing and darting through danger.

Look at him, Bob.

Look at him dart.

[narrator] To do good, right wrongs,
and make minor electrical repairs.

Thanks for the minor
electrical repairs, Quailman.

[narrator] No danger

no matter how seemingly meaningless
or insignificant

can fail to touch
the virtuous heart of the quail.

[meow]

Thanks, Quailman. You're really virtuous!

You're welcome.

Fly away!

Fly away!

[narrator] Quailman,
defender of truth, justice

and the way of the quail.

[barks]

[narrator] But on this quiet day
in Megalopolis

Quailman waits patiently
in line at the bank

like any other humble citizen.

While Quaildog enjoys a complimentary cup

of espresso au lait a gogo.

[slurps]

-Hmm?
-[narrator] When suddenly...

[whirring]

-Uh-oh.
-[screaming]

My quail instincts lead me to believe

that something might possibly
be amiss here.

Hmm. Wait a minute.

This is no ordinary withdrawal.

Quaildog, it's time for action!

Hmm...

[people screaming]

It's Quailman.

Over here, Quailman!

[man] Over here! Over here!

An evil vacu-bot sucking up the valuables
of our fair city!

That's wrong, isn't it?

[barking]

[grunts]

[creaking]

All right, Quaildog.

Guess we gave him a dose of quail justice.

Wow!

Ooh. [chuckles]

Wow. Who is she?

[grunts]

Whoa!

[cheering]

Did you see that? She's incredible!

And beautiful.

Uh-oh!

[man 1] Over here.

[man 2] Excuse me, Super Sport.

[indistinct talking]

[man 3] Over here! Over here!

Did you see the way
she handled those vacu-bots?

She's wonderful.

-[groans]
-Huh?

Sorry about butting in
without an introduction

but when I see wrongdoing,
I just get carried away.

I'm Super Sport from the planet Endorphin.

Uh... hey.

And this is my super sporty powerball.

I never take the field without it.

Uh... uh... I'm...

Quailman. I know.

Hero of heroes from the planet Bob

defender of truth, justice,
and the way of the quail.

-I like your belt.
-Really?

-[Quaildog whistles]
-[both] Huh?

Oh. Looks like Quaildog's found something.

"Property of Klotzfinger."

I should have known a scoundrel like him
would be behind this.

Klotzfinger? Who's he?

He's the worst kind of criminal.

An international outlaw

who makes his own rules
and then breaks them.

That's really unsportsmanlike conduct.

If I know him, this is merely
the first step

in some fiendish master plan.

Quailman, over here!

So, Quailman, how does it feel
to be saved by Super Sport?

Huh? Well, I, uh, wouldn't exactly say
she saved me.

After all, I was the one who...

Hey, how about a picture
of the two of you together?

Sure.

[narrator] Super Sport saves day.

Quailman there too.

[narrator] Later, in the far reaches
of outer space

on Silver Skeeter's sofa of solitude...

So, uh... what if, not me,
but some other superhero

wanted to impress Super Sport?

Hmm.

Well, it's going
to be tough to impress her

because after all, she's super.

In fact, I heard that
on her home planet Endorphin

she stopped a giant tidal wave
from wiping out an entire continent.

[grunts]

She used her super sporty powerball
to create a whirlpool

that sucked the tidal wave
into the depth of the ocean.

[slurping]

A tidal wave by herself?

Oh, that's nothing.

She single-handedly stopped a deadly comet

from destroying the whole planet!

[Quailman] The whole planet?

[Silver Skeeter] Yeah, and once she saved
the entire known universe

by pushing a black hole
through the very fabric of time itself.

I saved a kitty cat.

And she made her own costume,
designed her own web site

and still has time for charity work.

So impressing her
is not going to be easy, Quailman.

Uh, Quailman?

Hey, man, are you OK?

Oh!

[narrator] Later that day

vacu-bots continued
to terrorize Megalopolis.

Super sport.

Hey, Quailman.

Looks like Klotzfinger's team
is back in game.

[barking, whimpering]

[laughs]

[Quailman] It's Klotzfinger himself!

This looks bad.

He only goes on location
for the really big jobs.

Quailman, we better be careful.

This could be dangerous.

Well, then perhaps you should stand back

and see how a quail handles danger.

Quaildog, remain here
to protect Super Sport

while I teach Klotzfinger a lesson!

Ohh!

Okay, Klotzfinger, it's quail time.

Come with me, and I'll see to it
that you receive a fair trial

followed by an immediate conviction
and a harsh prison sentence.

Hmm... harsh prison sentence

or total world domination.

Hmm. Tough choice.

You know, I think I'll go with "B"!

Then prepare yourself
to be rendered helpless and stupefied.

Oh, I'm prepared all right.

-[yells]
-[laughs]

My designer reflecto shades
will bounce that beam right back at you!

[chuckles]

Boy, am I stupefied.

[chuckles]

Whee!

-[both gasps]
-[Klotzfinger laughing]

[yelling]

Feeling a little shook up, Quailman?

[laughing]

Hang on, Quailman.

We're coming in from the bull pen!

[shaky voice] I'm just toying with them.

I don't need help.

Sorry, Quailman.

My herocratic oath demands
I help anyone in need.

Huh?

Uh-oh! Stay back!

[screaming]

I'm running out of vacu-bots!

Curse that female superhero

and the affirmative action
that brought her here!

[whooshing]

[Quailman groaning]

Heavy rock.

Very heavy.

[whimpering]

The more evil they are,
the faster they exit...

[grunts]

Eh, Quailman?

[groaning]

[narrator] Super Sport saves armored cars.

Also save former top superhero.

I'm getting sick of this.

"One on one with Super Sport."

"Super Sport saved day."

"Where are they now?"

Oh, man!

Super Sport this, Super Sport that...

-Huh?
-I wore down the vacu-bots for her.

Besides, the sun was in my eyes

and my power briefs' battery was low.

[Quaildog] Quailman, remember

jealousy and resentment
could release the dark side of the quail.

Hmm.

Jealous.

Jealous? Why would I be jealous?

After all, I'm Quailman

five-time winner of the Supey Award

for best superhero performance
in a non-threatening role.

I'm totally secure.

Huh?

It's the quailfax.

Hmm. There's been another
Klotzfinger sighting

at the treasury building.

Come, Quaildog. Fly away!

[rumbling]

This is your last chance
to give up peacefully, Klotzfinger!

Never! [laughs]

Then get ready for justice to be served.

Guess again, Spoilsport.

Say hello to my ricochet ray!

My super sporty powerball!

Super Sport's already here. It figures.

We might as well go home.

Good catch, Quaildog.

[Quaildog] Thank you.

[Klotzfinger] Powerless
without your little ball?

Get ready to be benched.

[laughs]

We've got to get this to her right away

so she, uh... [warbling]

So she, uh...

So...

[gruff voice] So she can have
all the glory?

Wow. I don't know why I said that.

[Quaildog] It is as I feared.
The Dark Quail is struggling to get out.

Well, I'm okay now. Let's go.

[Dark Quail] No! Finders, keepers.

[Quailman] But it belongs to Super Sport,
and she needs it.

[Dark Quail] I'll never impress her
if she always wins.

[Quailman] Man, who's in charge here?

Hmm... [grunts]

Whoa!

[yells]

Who's in charge here? I am!

[laughs]

Oh, no! We've got to stop him!

[laughs]

Come back with that super sporty powerball

you nefarious villain!

Super Sport is in peril!

-[groans]
-[Klotzfinger] This ought to impress you.

You get it? Impress you?

[laughs]

[Super Sport] Didn't your parents
ever teach you to play fair?

Yes, but I overcame that
by going to law school.

Full power!

This is a very personal battle,
Klotzfinger!

"Super Sport saves day."

[chuckles] We'll see about that.

Unhand that super sporty powerball!

We've still got time
to rescue Super Sport.

Klotzfinger never exacts revenge

without delivering
a time-consuming monologue.

Don't be a weenie.

Once the news media report
that she's been captured

I'll step in, thwart Klotzfinger,
save Super Sport

and prove to the world that I'm still
the greatest superhero ever!

And with me to protect her

she won't be needing this anymore.

By the power invested in these briefs

I demand you release
that super sporty powerball!

Hey, give that back!

[grunting]

[groans]

Don't cross me again,
or I'll be forced to...

My Supey Award!

Look what you've done!

Our Supey. Don't you remember?

[Quailman] I'd like to thank
all the members of the justice academy

and especially my good friend Quaildog

for making this award possible.

But this award isn't just for me.

It's for everyone here

because being a superhero
is not about awards

it's about selflessly doing
the right thing.

[echoing] ...the right thing.
The right thing.

[groans]

But I hate the right thing!

Yes, but doing the right thing
is the right thing to do.

Curses! I hate it
when you're right about doing right.

-And when I'm right, I'm right. Right?
-[Dark Quail] Right.

We shouldn't be jealous

we're all on the same team.

Each of us making a contribution, so...

[both] ...there's no need for jealousy.

I'm me again... One hero, indivisible!

I'll clean up this mess later

because it's the right thing to do!

But we've got a big job
ahead of us, Quaildog.

We need to find
Klotzfinger's secret hideout.

The only question is, how?

-[grunts]
-Good thinking, Quaildog.

"Hideouts, secret."

That's using the old canine quail
intelligence.

Now, let's see...

A Jokester, Jupiter Woman,
Klinko the Krooked Klown.

Huh. He moved.

[yells] Klotzfinger. We got it!

[Klotzfinger] Pity, Super Sport.

Looks like you're not going to be around

to see the conclusion to my master plan!

My number hasn't been retired yet.

But it will be soon, and by that time

I'll have sucked up
all the money in the world!

Then I can hold it for ransom!

[laughs]

Wait a minute.

If you have all the money in the world

how's anyone going to pay the ransom?

Don't bother me with details.

I'm a big picture kind of evildoer.

-Quailman!
-[bark]

Yeah, OK, and Quaildog.

Whoo-hoo! We're going into overtime!

Not after Quailman gets a taste

of my ricochet ray on stun-pulse setting.

You're going to have to be faster
than that, Klotzfinger.

Okey-doke. Full speed!

[laughs]

Wow! That's some bobbing and darting!

[grunts]

-It's over, Klotzfinger.
-Not yet.

Vacu-bots!

Why do I bother putting in doors?

Steamroller mode!

Super Sport, I believe
this super sporty powerball

belongs to you.

Here!

Thanks, Quailman!

[grunts]

Huh? [grunts]

[groans]

[growling]

[barking]

[Super Sport] Game, set, and match!

Ohh...

Thanks for saving me, Quailman.

No, don't thank me.

I'm to blame for this whole mess.

I was jealous, so I didn't--

Oh, don't worry about it.

After all, I'm the one
who was out of bounds.

I mean, I came to your planet

and began defeating dastardly villains

without even considering your feelings.

But it was your super sporty powerball
that overcame the vacu-bots.

Yeah, but it was your bobbing and darting

that sidelined the ricochet ray.

It took both of us to defeat Klotzfinger

because we're good at different things.

You know, I think you're pretty sporty.

You know, I think you're pretty quaily.

[Patti] Hey, Doug.

-Doug!
-Huh?

[Patti] What are you doing?

Me? Oh, uh, nothing.

[yells]

Hey, what's this?

[stammers] Um, uh... I, uh, uh...

There's something familiar about her.

Hmm...

You know, sometimes
I'm really jealous of you.

You are?

You're so artistic.

I've always wanted to be able to draw
or paint or something.

You know, be creative, like you.

But you're so great at everything.

Yeah. Right.

[Doug] So, Journal, I guess
the real reason I was jealous of Patti

was because I forgot
what I was really good at.

But it turns out that maybe
I'm as good at art as she is at sports.

I guess it just goes to show that
everybody is really good at something.

You just have to figure out what it is

and learn to believe in it.

Hey, watch it!

You watch it!

Oh! Oh!

Stop! I got you.

How about this?

Oh, yeah, how about that one?

[closing theme music]