01x05 - Del Gets Sick

[bunniefuu]

I thought I was smart I thought I was

right I thought it better not to fight I

thought there was a virtue and always

being

cool

[Music]

I

this is ridiculous why do we all have to

go to a football game together because

according to my ra manual this is a good

way for us to get to know each other now

when we cross campus to the football

stadium everyone has to hold hands with

his buddy

God remember stranger equals danger so

don't let anyone touch you where your B

bathing suit

covers who are we

missing where's

D I have to go Mom we're going to the

stadium for a football game yes I have a

buddy yes equals danger I know who's he

talking to his mom he calls her four

times a day it's like he's in love with

her or something my daddy loves my mama

they have a special hug for when they's

breeding okay Mom I've got to go okay I

will okay I

will okay you

too okay I will dude let's pick it up if

we miss it when they do the wave we may

never get another chance I guess I have

time for one joke who's there who

who no I'm not an ow Mom I'm your son oh

I get

it tell me another oh

jeez got to go come on wait my mom said

I needed a

coat man I'm cold well who told you to

leave without a jacket I don't remember

too bad you don't have a raccoon coat

like EDS raccoon I wish this is 100%

Barn Mouse only problem is it does tend

to attract the

Huds ah

quiet there's a safety announcement

apparently somebody let the dogs out and

they don't know who there's that guy

from the cafeteria look at that

douchebag why do you hate him so much I

don't know something about it I just

want to punch him in the face

D I'm hungry where's the hot dog guy hot

dog

hi Dell Felicity what are you doing here

yeah what are you doing here you psycho

I'm not a psycho I'm here to tell D the

good news I just got an injunction

against that restraining order you must

have accidentally filed against

me look at you shivering here I needed

this for

you um that's okay no I want you to have

it I made it out of my own hair I got

more if you want me to make you a coat

doesn't that hurt when you're in love

there is no

[Music]

pain I think maybe we're in the wrong

seats yeah this is obviously the psycho

section you are such a dork freak loser

whack job Fathead are you as turned on

as I am no whack job we're out of

here wait don't leave without your buddy

there are dogs out there and they can

smell your

fear you dude do you mind I'm trying to

see if the force is strong with me

sorry was that a bullseye it sounded

like a bullseye I don't know I wasn't

watching what's wrong you haven't put on

your Sombrero all day I think I'm

getting sick I should call my

mom

ow I thought I heard a girl scream cream

that was just Dell he thinks he's sick

don't worry I have a first aid

handbook oh I never should have borrowed

that gy teacher's bathing

suit you I really am sick how can you

tell I'm Delirious I can't think

straight I'm not making any good

decisions that's ridiculous hey want to

go ice fishing sure cool

cool carry all this stuff downstairs

okay I got to go launch an ass

rocket so how'd the ass rocket go not so

good it blew up on the Launchpad we lost

a lot of

men the splash down was a total

disaster my o ring is still

burning dude you still sick I thought

this fresh air would do you

good I'm so very very cold you're not

cold you're burning up you're sweating

quick take off your shirt before you

pass

out dude have you been working out

you're pretty cut me I can do crunches

till the cows come home but I still

can't seem to shed those holiday

pounds here hot stuff I'll cool you

off wa your high beams are totally on

[Music]

because lus has

claws

sharp socks hurt my

feet what the hell happened to him shh I

think he's dreaming the little darling

dreaming this guy is sick my beautiful

prom dress it's

ruined oh that's real good he has

pneumonia pneumonia sounds so made up

this wouldn't have happened if you

hadn't gone ice fishing all night but if

we hadn't gone ice fishing all night we

wouldn't have

this oh Dell my sick little boy I

brought you your favorite comic books oh

but I don't like Archie I want shehulk

she's large and in charge just take it

you freaking idiot mom you told me when

somebody swears an angel dies for the

10th time I'm not your

mom Joe is that you what's going on

you've been in a delirium for two days

because of your dumbass friend am I

going to die yes I better call my

mom no don't touch it don't touch

anything you're diseased go to the

health center but I heard people going

to the health Center and they don't come

out it's true now go all right now let's

have a look at Sweet merciful Lord your

skull has been crushed to a powder it

has oh wait that's not you well whoever

it is he should probably be looked at

right away although I doubt there's much

we can do for the poor bastard coach did

we win

coach hike I think I'm getting sick ooh

sick they pay me $6 an hour for my

professional opinion but suddenly I get

you're the doctor huh well doctor why

don't you tell me which pills you should

take

hike but I never said I was a

choose wrong these are the pills that

make you well these are the pills that

make students bleed internally and get

my medical license suspended for 3

months but you didn't know that did you

and you know why cuz you're a lousy

doctor now get out

Mike thanks for letting me borrow your

pants Ed no problem I got two pairs I've

got to take some food back to the dorm

for Dell anyone

looking man that burns oh almost forgot

the

gravy ain't you going to take D any

dessert of

course a

crap man what is that jerk's problem he

likes pudding no there's something about

him that makes me want to punch his face

in oh yeah now I can see it Sanford I've

been looking all over the cafeteria for

Dell but he's not here did you look

under there under

where you just said

Underpants I wanted to give him this

cake I baked for him I know he's

allergic to chocolate so I made it with

brown soy paste you don't know Dell at

all he hasn't eaten paste since 9th

grade just give it to him he'll love it

I'm sorry but my pants are full man how

many times have I said that in my life

[Music]

hey little buddy look what I brought

you let's see I got peas here take a

pee and and here's some leaks go ahead

take a

leak and I got dumplings uh I forgot why

I got those oh yeah for

throwing this is the first time an

unpleasant fluid is leaking into my

head maybe I should call my mom dude you

are acting like such a wuss my lungs are

all filled up with fluid is it root beer

I don't think so you just need a little

cheering up and I know exactly how to do

it we'll have a cigar party he'll be on

your feet in no

[Music]

time I heard somebody is

sick Being

Sober who wants a a free breast

exam oh that one's good that one's good

that one not so

much these popping rods make my head off

Lippy great party

Dale the splash down was a total

disaster I was leaking a lot of liquid

Fuel and it broke up on

impact I'm talking about my crap come on

this is

cool uh-oh that could be dangerous

that's

better hey buddy you feeling

better we got to kick this up and Notch

do something you'll really appreciate I

know it always cheers me up Jeff

Foxworthy he makes fun of them rednecks

they're so

stupid oh man I got to pee I'll just go

in this electrical outlet

[Music]

hey let's set off the smoke

[Music]

alarm it's just a

[Music]

sticker that didn't work what would make

Dell feel better shave his eyebrows

let's right on him let's b*at him with

the baseball

bat

get away from

him oh my sweet sweet love I should have

never left your tide that chick is like

totally schizophonic I believe the word

you're looking for is schizophrenic I

learned that off my word of day date

month desk

thing

murderers no we got nothing to b*at

except this wall socket what shocked

me

oh my God somebody removed the

sticker

Dell you were tossing and turning all

night I videotaped it all is this your

room uh-huh do you like

[Music]

it uh I don't feel well you sleep tight

my PR

I won't let anyone hurt you anymore ever

ever ever ever won't you stop doing that

I'm trying to sleep

sorry something's missing in here did

you shave your beard it's Dell he's gone

all right Felicity carried him

off Hey Joe until Dell comes back I need

you to be my new best friend sure when

the laws of entropy cease to govern the

universe cool now put on the subbrero

not a chance oh come on Joe I just lost

my best

friend please please

please

okay you look like such a tool in

that that's it I'm not doing this the

old Joe would have done it the one with

the

beard

I think I should call my mom you rest

I'll call her for

you Mrs Swanson hi this is Felicity I

just wanted to let you know that I'm

taking care of Dell H you're going on

vacation no phones

there marriage don't you think it's a

little premature wear your wedding dress

oh I'd love to thank you so much Mrs

Swanson okay Mom

bye your mother is so controlling she's

going to ruin the most important day of

my life wear her wedding dress if I

wanted that dress I'd go to Lane

Bryant holy crap give me

that oh man there's that douchebag again

I heard him talking in the cafeteria he

has such an annoying voice it's all like

look at me everybody I'm a douchebag

here I am douchebag that's me douchebag

he actually said that no I think he was

ordering potatoes like a

douchebag Hey Joe you're smart is there

a way to k*ll someone who's really

annoying without anyone finding out if

there was you think you'd be standing

here talking to me oh I see what you're

getting at don't worry Joe I would never

k*ll you you're my new best friend now

that Dell's gone there you're

practically good is new yeah so I guess

I should go back to my room but this is

your room it's our room Dell our room

remember we talked all about this we did

poor silly Dell when somebody's

temperature got to 109 I think somebody

got a little brain damage didn't he

didn't he

didn't yeah isn't it wonderful we're a

couple now a couple I don't know about

that after all I did for you you'd

abandoned me I guess so but D I skipped

class to nurse you I fed you I gave you

transfusions of my blood I'm inside you

Dell you did all that for me well I

guess I do kind of owe you one I love

you

too

[Music]

dude you're back just in time I'm

smashing these mustard packets

here I can't stay maybe I didn't explain

I said I'm smashing these mustard

packets Felicity is going to introduce

me to more of her stuffed animals today

we're doing K through M I'm particularly

excited about meeting

lamby what the hell's wrong with you

you've been completely ignoring con I

bet you didn't even notice that he got a

new

hat I should really get going felicity's

waiting dude she's bad new she's

completely got you under her spell you

don't even know what's real anymore con

and I were just talking about it she's

not so bad she brushes my hair every

night we do the Daily Jumble together

she says this has been the happiest two

weeks of my life hey Milo's throwing

rocks at a telephone pole what Dell you

coming

no this is Cookie COA Wala this is

Cookie kangaroo this one's just named

cookie I had to rip his eyes out because

I didn't like the way he looked at

[Music]

me ow watch where you're throwing those

rocks very

fragile why don't we just watch the

movie I rented it's my favorite romantic

comedy it's called Misery uh I was sort

of thinking I might go hang out with

Sanford today no fine don't worry about

me or our plan or the stuffed animals or

the baby we have a baby well not yet but

we will six or eight or maybe 12 and and

I'll watch them while you're off being a

successful salesman in lowcost men suits

I think I better get

going you can leave if you want except

for the fact that I've broken both of

your ankles and locked you in a closet

so you can never leave

never oh wait I haven't done that yet

darn it for listen make a to-do list a

to-do

list there's that tool again I can't

freaking take it

anymore hey douche shut up meat sock you

know ever since I saw you I've been

wanting to punch you right in your

stupid face just stay the hell out of my

way wow that guy's cool and up close

he's damn good

looking you guys still throwing rocks at

the pole

no we realized it's impossible I don't

believe I missed all the fun well Ed

bickle's coming by he's going to drive

Todd's L Car blindfolded

sweet come on let's

go I didn't even put the blindfold on

yet and then the ambulance came of

course I had my seat Bel on you think I

would get in the car with a blindfolded

guy and not put my seat Bel on you

raised me better than that you treat me

like a kid

sometimes who's there little old lady

who classic you're such a mama's

boy what's that douchebag doing on my

bed don't go anywhere three South will

be back in like a week

you should probably stay right where you

are in just ordering

food you're safe now old

man the three South theme song you just

heard was created by The Flaming

[Music]

Lips