05x05 - I Always Had a Little Crush

[bunniefuu]

Ever since Heidi ran into her first love, Colby...

My gosh, you were the stud of your high school.

- 'Wasn't he?' - Mom.

...she'd been pushing Spencer to become a better man.

I feel like I'm in a nightmare.

How did you just even say that to me?

Audrina needed to get over Justin.

So she set her sights on the last person

anyone expected, Brody.

Unfortunately, Brody was dating Jayde.

Now the guys were taking a trip to Hawaii

but Audrina convinced us to crash.

Let's go to Hawaii then.

[Lo] 'You're so gonna hook up with Brody.'

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Brody's boys' weekend

was about to get a lot more interesting.

Considering it's degrees in LA right now--

This is so nice!

[indistinct chatter]

[Lauren] They're so gonna get mad.

Yeah, I don't know if they're gonna be too happy

about us barging in.

-Aloha,girls. - Hi.

- How are you? - Good.

- This is a beautiful place. - Dude, this is awesome.

I'm so relaxed I can't even open my eyes.

I'm literally just like ah.

Look, how happy he looks. So happy.

- Wait, are they down there? - Yeah.

Look at 'em.

- Uh-oh. - Oh, my God, dude.

- Oh, look who it is! - Oh, my God.

- Hey, guys! - Surprise!

- 'Surprise!' - Are you kidding me?

Aren't you guys excited to see us?

-Aloha! - Hey!

- Hey! - 'We're stalkers.'

[Lo] Are you guys terribly disappointed that we're here?

Can I get an explanation of why you guys are here right now?

- 'It's boys' trip, by the way.' - 'It's not boys' trip.'

[Lauren] 'You guys would've missed us the whole time.'

It's not about being upset. I'm just, like, surprised. I--

[Doug] 'I think we should all do a sh*t.'

- Let's do it! - 'Yay!'

- 'sh*ts?' - Oh, they wanna do sh*ts?

Oh, I love 'em then. Alright, let's do it.

♪ Stop where you are and wish ♪

♪ Little things didn't come to this ♪

♪ Count down from ten ♪

♪ And we could be ♪

♪ Back to go again ♪♪

Do you guys wanna have, um, a party in your room?

- 'Yeah.' - Can we do it?

Wait, are we doing it in their room or our room?

[Lo] 'I think we should do it in their room.'

Okay, their room wins.

God, if Justin was here, he'd be out there.

- 'Look at that guy.' - Look at that guy!

- 'Oh, he got barreled.' - 'Barreled!'

[Brody] 'He just got barreled.'

[whistles]

- 'Yeah.' - Oh.

[Stephanie] 'Are you checking out Brody?'

What if Justin was here and we didn't even know

and we crashed their party?

He texted me this morning.

Are you kidding me? You guys are impossible.

It's like a hate and love relationship.

It's not even a relationship. I don't know what it is.

'I mean, Audrina, seriously, like'

'you can't just keep waiting for Justin--'

Stephanie, I'm not. You know, it's just hard.

♪ I've got to let you know ♪

♪ That I am falling faster ♪

♪ I'm falling even faster faster ♪

♪ I'm falling even faster faster ♪♪

- 'Why are you bringing me--' - 'Boundaries.'

[Heidi] 'This is a really good one for us.'

Boundaries,Spencer.

Look at me stopping myself. Ready?

Just naturally went to go look at a "Playboy" book

you know, but I'm growing here.

Here, why don't you look at, like, "The Soul Of Truth?"

Yeah, 'cause I really have a soul of truth.

I kind of have something to tell you.

It's not like a big deal or anything.

You're setting it up like it is.

Um, no, I mean, my mom just called me

and said that, uh, Colby is coming into town.

Your ex-boyfriend from Colorado, Colby?

Yeah, you know, he's just--

The one you just had dinner with?

Yes.

I think we should bring this up in therapy.

- 'You think I'm really gonna--' - Don't be jealous.

It's not like we're going to dinner with Stacie or anything.

Should I bring, like, a prayer or something?

I think you'll like him. He's really nice.

Yeah, 'cause a lot of people I hang out

with go to Bible college.

That's my point.

I think it might be good for you

to see a nice, normal guy.

[rock song playing]

- Here's to... - The boys' trip to Hawaii.

- To the boys-- - But the girls came.

[Lauren] 'I love that we're here.'

No, it's not.

[Lauren] 'It's a one-piece. What are you talking?'

It's probably one of the sexiestone-pieces

I've ever seen, so...

I agree.

- 'Five! Four!' - 'Turn around.'

- 'There it goes, there goes!' - 'Three.'

- Two, one! - Oh, no, the sun.

- 'Oh.' - There it goes.

- 'So who's single here?' - 'Me.'

Audrina, what would you consider yourself?

- Single. - 'Single.'

[Stephanie] 'No more J.B.?'

He's, like, kind of, like, on the sideline

but you're, like, still in the field.

Do you still like him enough that you wouldn't hook up

with anyone else even though you're not together with him?

- No. - I'll say no for her.

If she meets a guy that literally blows Justin away

in every which way, then she's gonna be like, Oh, my God.

- Am I right or am I wrong? - You're right.

♪ I know you probably heard this ♪

♪ You're making me nervous ♪

♪ And son you better cover buddy ♪

♪ Your sheets are dirty from your p*stol clothes ♪

♪ You know it's never... ♪♪

- I hope Heidi's nice. - She will be.

- She's a sweetheart. - It'll be weird to meet her.

It'll be good. You'll like her.

- It'll be fun. - Yeah, good.

[Spencer] 'You know the only reason why I'm having this dinner'

right now is 'cause you told me he goes to Bible college.

So then I, in my own head

have convinced myself that he's a virgin.

Meaning that you two have only gone

to first base and I can sit with another--

If even first base.

And as far as I'm concerned, he's still a virgin.

- Hi. How are you? - 'Hi!'

- 'Good. How are you?' - Good.

- I'm Ashley. - Spencer, how are you?

Hi, I'm Heidi. So nice to meet you.

[Spencer] 'So excited to have you two in town.'

- I'm sure you are. - We're excited to be here too.

How's your vacation?

She just spent two days on Rodeo Drive.

- Girl after my own heart. Yeah. - I've never been there before.

Man, it's different. It's a different world, but--

And you're, you look different.

'I've seen pictures.'

Um, Colby's mom showed me pictures

and I'm like, you look so different.

You're, yeah, you don't even look like the same person.

Um, do you guys want a cocktail or anything?

You know what you would love tonight is Patron Platinum.

[chuckles]

[Ashley] 'I'll just have water. Just--'

- 'Of course.' - Yeah, thank you.

Water's great for me too.

- No drinking? - No, no.

I never had a sip. I mean...

Well, I just feel like nothing good comes from it.

- Uh, yeah. - Where are you guys staying?

- At... - The Orlando.

- The Orlando. - Nice hotel?

- 'Hm.' - Big room?

- We got, like, two rooms. - Uh, two.

- You're staying separately? - Yeah.

So you're really telling me, at the end of the night

'you literally say goodnight, honey, goodnight hug'

and hug goodbye and separate.

Yeah, it's really important for me

to save stuff for marriage.

This is, like, Hugh Hefner Jr. over here.

I had a subscription to"Playboy"

since I was years old.

God forgives, right?

I was raised Southern Baptist and that's...

You don't do stuff. Like, even dancing, you don't do.

- Dancing? - Yeah.

It's easier when you've been immersed in it your whole life

and you can kind of see

what the Lord's trying to do with you, you know?

What's the plan for tomorrow, Colby?

'What do you say you and me go boxing?'

We'll hit the bag, you know, a little training.

I know you got some, uh, aggression to get out.

♪ Under the moon where lovers walk ♪

♪ I thank my lucky stars above ♪

♪ There could never be ♪♪

Seriously, you guys, I think Brody's pissed.

If they were really mad that we were here

would they be going to dinner with us?

Unh-unh.

Okay, then who has hair stuff for me?

- Audrina? - Yeah?

- 'Do you have hairspray?' - Yes.

Ah.Savior, I'm coming.

Please tell me what happened in the hot tub.

- I don't know. - Yes, you do.

There's always been something

some kind of attraction with me and Brody

but I don't, I never went there ever.

Hey, are you guys almost ready to go?

- Yeah, like two more minutes. - 'Cool.'

You're gonna go with Brody, aren't you?

- No, never. - Why, 'cause of Jayde?

I don't know.

Why didn't you hook up with him before?

I was with Justin.

If I thought a guy was cute, he thought I was cute

I'd, I would not wanna just, like

keep shaking his hand. I'd, like, wanna kiss him.

That's the thing, like, with me. I never go there.

Maybe you should do it to get Justin back.

'He would get so jealous.'

♪ Funny how the tables have turned ♪

♪ How does it feel to you? ♪

♪ I've known all along ♪♪

Man, literally, I think though if I was a virgin

I would be a mixed martial arts fighter

or in Delta Force.

And you would probably wreck shop too.

No, but it's-it's not even...

You got to really break this down to me

how you deal with it. I would die, man.

- I'm not even-- - Honestly, it's...

I know it's kind of corny to say

but, like, a lot of prayer, a lot of time

with the Lord kind of, you know?

Uh, I said to Heidi when we were on our way home

I was like, we just dropped them off at their hotel

and there could be an earthquake

and you guys would die virgins.

That's probably true.

Is that not the craziest thought to you?

You know, I... It'd be well worth it

in the payoff, you know?

What, when you get to heaven?

Not just that, but I mean, if you--

Can you have sex in heaven?

Everything's perfect in heaven, so...

Oh, well, then you're having sex

all the time in heaven.

Exactly, if you're married.

You know, I'm gonna go two jabs and then right here.

[exhaling sharply]

What do you say we switch it up?

Are there a lot of you out there?

Yeah. Uh, where I go to school at, they're all...

Everyone's like that.

Where in the Bible

I need to know the verse and the quote

where it says that you can't have sex till marriage?

- I'll find it for you. - It does say that?

Um, I don't know, if we do the Bible study tonight

it could be a good experience to talk about some of this stuff.

Man, you are just a trip to me.

You're like hanging out with an alien

just from another planet.

♪ My heart is like a time b*mb ticking ♪

♪ Seconds and the minutes from this moment ♪♪

To the best boys' trip ever

even though the boys don't want us here.

- 'Cheers!' - Cheers!

[Nick] 'We do want you here. We just want you to party with us.'

I think she likes him.

I think they just both need each other too.

I think it's just, like, like, an attraction thing.

I'm kind of scared of you. Okay, I'm just kidding.

I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

You can be scared of me all you want

but I'm having the best time I've ever had.

- Good. - 'I am.'

I think it's more...

I mean, he has a girlfriend

and he just entertains the idea.

[Frankie] 'You guys should just get a room already.'

[Stephanie] 'Come on. Come on, Frankie.'

I'm not gonna lie. I've always had a little crush.

- 'Whoo!' - But you said... What?

What? I'm not gonna lie.

♪ Will you just tell me? ♪

♪ But you can't see what is real ♪

♪ So if you're trying ♪

♪ Do try to find your way ♪

♪ Home again you... ♪♪

Oh, we looked up a verse for you.

I said to him today, I said

I wanna see the part in the Bible

where it says that you can't have sex until you're married.

In the Bible, it's referred to as fornification.

- Fornication, isn't it? - Oh.

And it's, gosh, "Hebrews ."

- 'Let me find "Hebrews."' - 'Yeah.'

[Colby] '"Marriage should be honored by all'

and the marriage bed kept pure."

Here's where I interpret that.

Your sheets must be clean, pillowcases clean

'but I don't see anywhere in there does it say'

don't have sex before you are officially man and wife.

So a verse in "Matthew" that talks about forgiveness

which is something that's hard for everyone to do, but...

[clears throat]

I forgot, here we go.

Just think how nice life would be if everybody

just loved each other and listened, you know?

So an imaginary world.

♪ It's getting onto me ♪

♪ Behind the front of me ♪

Oh, my God.

Aah!

♪ It's getting onto me ♪

♪ Behind the front of me ♪

♪ It's gonna capture me a high high ♪

♪A riot ♪

♪ A high high riot ♪♪

What, is someone trying to get

is someone trying to get lei'd here?

- Uh... - 'Audrina wants to get lei'd.'

Audrina just got lei'd. Now Audrina's lei'd.

- Now Audrina's just got lei'd. - I just got lei'd.

[laughing]

- 'Where are my Hawaiian girls?' - 'Call 'em.'

[Nick] 'Brody, dude, come on.'

There was a red apple hanging in front of your face

and you didn't pluck it.

I mean, I think she's hot.

[laughing]

But okay, but listen.

You know who I'm attracted to? My girlfriend.

'Like, Audrina and I have been friends for a long time.'

She's a cool girl, she's fun to talk to

to hang out, friends.

You are friends with her, but she doesn't think it's friends.

She wants you.

♪ So this is where we are ♪

♪ In space ♪

Goodnight. See you tomorrow.

♪ Before life rearranges ♪

♪ The words on all of the pages ♪

♪ This is where we are ♪

- Hey, Justin. - 'Hi, how you doing?'

[clears throat] The trip's good. We're having a good time.

It's more mellow tonight, but...

Let me call you right back.

[Brody] 'What are you doing in here, loner?'

We all came here on a guys' trip

whatever, to come and get away

and I don't know whose idea on your end it was to crash--

Crash your party.

I was excited to see you. I was.

I was shocked, but I was still excited.

I don't want it to be awkward between us.

- Neither do I. - I think you're a sweet person.

I think you're a good friend of mine.

I've known you for a long time.

And if we decide to one night

with nobody around, late night

feelings are feelings.

♪ This is where we are ♪♪

♪ I told her then came over ♪

♪ I loved her with her whole worth ♪

♪ We kissed and touched each other ♪♪

- 'Morning, sunshine.' - 'Morning, sunshine.'

Did you sleep okay?

Hm, so-so. I didn't sleep great.

So Audrina stayed with the Brodster.

- She stayed in his room? - 'Yeah.'

'I don't know if they hooked up or not'

and I don't want to speculate, I just--

- You're totally speculating. - Well, yeah.

Should we wake up Steph? I kinda wanna know what happened.

I'll go get her.

Steph, are you awake?

Hm, do I look crazy right now?

[Lauren] 'A little bit.'

[Stephanie] 'Is it just us three right now?'

[Lo] 'Audrina came home. She's sleeping.'

Oh, she did come home.

- Um... - This morning.

You spill the beans immediately.

I have no idea.

I just know that she slept at Brody's.

♪ Yeah everything's falling ♪

♪ Yeah everything's falling ♪

♪ Woo-hoo ♪♪

[Heidi] 'Well, that was a fun weekend'

'with Colby, don't you think?'

Honestly, I'm thinking about it

and you're a genius for bringing this guy out here

''cause you know what, he's exactly

what kind of guy you are supposed to be with.

No, Spencer, I broke up with him a long time ago.

No, no, no, he's right.

I've taken too much of the small town Heidi out of you.

It's not like that. I moved from a small town for a reason.

I, I just think it's good to be around someone like that

and, you know, Colby has a lot of good values

and, you know, how he treats women and people and--

I think if I acted like Colby for a week

you'd be so damn bored

you'd probably be cheating on me by Friday.

I'm just saying just to try to be nicer to people

and try, maybe you could get along with my mom

and maybe, you know, you and my sister

could get along better or--

Well, the new me has got

a bunch of Colby traits, you know.

I don't want you to be anything like Colby.

- I just want-- - 'It's too late.'

I like that whole little

"Leave It To Beaver" vibe.

Forget it, obviously

you haven't learned anything, and--

- I've learned everything. - 'Alright.'

I've learned I want the check

and I wanna go.

♪ So here's to the days we spent chasing ♪

♪ All we could ever dream of taking ♪♪

Whoo!

- Whoo! - Ah, Brody.

- The Brodster. - Rough night last night, boys.

- Yeah, it was for you. - What do you mean?

I woke up early, wanted to enjoy the nice surf

and, uh, look who I see come on out of, uh, Brody's room

was, uh, Miss Audrina in this bathing suit.

- 'And, uh--' - I mean, we're in Hawaii.

Were you guys frolicking in the water together or what?

Listen, man, I messed up. I cheated on my girlfriend.

[laughing]

I would've put that down like a sick dog.

'Come on, dude. Come on.'

So how do you think Jayde's gonna feel?

- How's she gonna feel? - 'Think she's gonna be upset?'

'Do you think, like, you're--'

Of course, she's gonna be upset.

Are you gonna call her today and be like "Hey, you know, I--"

No, man, there's not, w-what?

I wouldn't doubt Audrina going and telling

the other girls that something happened.

- I don't think she would. - 'Well, how do you know?'

- I mean, I don't-- - Dude, girls are evil.

I think they probably

were just wasted and passed out.

I don't even think I wanna know.

You're a liar. You totally wanna know.

- Totally. - Are you guys telling Jayde?

Don't look at me. That's not our place.

[door slams] Is that her?

- 'Good morning, sunshine.' - 'She's alive!'

How you feeling?

[Audrina] 'I'm so tired right now.'

Um, well, where'd you sleep?

At Brody's, in the room.

[Stephanie] 'But there was only one bed.'

What do you think Justin's gonna think?

Obviously, he wouldn't be happy

if he found out I slept in Brody's room.

[Lo] 'Jayde's gonna die.'

It would be like World w*r III.

She might be coming after you.

[Audrina] 'Well, let her come after me.'

Like, start a w*r. Like, whatever.

♪ No I ain't waiting ♪

♪ I'd like to change ♪

♪ But I'm wicked ♪

♪ It's hard to say ♪

♪ From where I get it ♪

♪ All I know ♪

♪ Is when I'm with ya ♪

♪ You tame and inflame ♪

♪ My wicked ways ♪

♪ My wicked ways ♪♪