05x17 - On To The Next

[bunniefuu]

[Kristin] Previously on"The Hills..."

Spencer surprised Heidi with puppies.

Here comes the only babies this husband is ever gonna provide.

But if he thought that would end the baby talk

he was in for a surprise of his own.

After meetin' up with Justin

Audrina started liking him again.

I would never be able to say anything was

better than Audrina Patridge.

And she made sure to let me know they were hangin' out.

I have to tell you, I did meet him for drinks the other night.

Okay, Audrina.

Justin tried to explain, but I don't do excuses.

- Alright, I'm done. - Really?

Now with Brody single again

I was ready to give things another try.

You figure out what you wanna do, then you can call me.

But I knew, ex-girlfriends didn't go away that easily.

- Cheers. - Cheers.

- 'Mrs. Bobby.' - 'Oh, shut up.'

- That's long gone. - So what are you gonna do now?

On to the next, I don't know.

- I don't know. - Oh, it's good to be single.

- Yeah. Thank you. - 'Ooh.'

And scallops with...

- Thank you. - 'Thank you.'

- So do you and Jayde talk? - No.

So what if she finds out that we're at dinner?

She's gonna come and k*ll me?

I wouldn't wanna see that fight between you two.

I don't wanna be involved in that fight.

So what can and can't you do?

I don't know, it's pretty, uh, pretty flirtatious over there.

As far as I know, you're single

and you and Jayde are on a break or broken up or whatever, so...

[giggles]

Well, we should do this again.

♪ Are you ready? ♪

♪ Are you ready? ♪♪ Are you ready? ♪

♪ Are you ready? ♪

♪ If you had to wait and we're running out of ♪♪

- Dolly, come on, Dolly. - Come on, Dolly.

- Here, Dolly. - Ninja, get it!

Oh, be careful. They can't swim.

See how deep it is?

They have to swim like...

Oh, how are our babies doin'?

They are running around everywhere.

- Whoa, whoa, Ninja. - Ninja, don't go there.

This is the cutest thing ever. I love Enzo more than anything.

'Look how sweet he is with our puppies.'

[Spencer] 'So, you don't even need a kid. You got Enzo.'

I still want a baby.

I wanna have a family. I want us to be--

Do you hear all the I, I, I?

It's... There's a we in a marriage.

What about what I want, your husband?

Maybe you don't know what's best for us.

No, maybe you're just selfish

and only just thinkin' about what you want.

No, because I love you so much

'that I wanna have kids with you.'

Yeah, and kinda deprive you of this all day long?

You have the cutest little babies on the planet right here.

These are puppies.

Please stop comparing babies to puppies.

Alright, well, let's talk about it in ten years.

Not in ten years, Spencer.

- 'You'll be .' - I wanna have kids now.

We just got married two months ago.

[Heidi] 'Well, it takes a year--'

I can't even look at you right now, you're so crazy.

I'm just saying we need to start planning

because I want kids sooner than later.

I mean, what if I did get pregnant?

Is that a thr*at?

- 'Spender's mean.' - 'Yeah, that's right.'

- I don't like him. - No. Come on, puppies.

[rock song]

- How are you? - Good, how are you?

Good. No purse today?

Figure all I need is my cell phone and credit cards.

- What's going on? - I'm going to see Justin.

- You're going to see Justin? - I am.

And I'm kind of torn 'cause obviously

'there's still something there.'

You still feel the spark.

Why won't the spark go out, Lo?

You need a fire extinguisher.

It's just, like, the last time we met up

'he just kept talkin' about the past'

'like, he still wanted to be together.'

And I feel like he's really serious this time.

Yeah, I mean, Kristin seems to have moved on.

- 'Yeah.' - We all know that.

Thank you.

I guess in your, like, fantasy world

do you wanna be back together with him?

Is that something that you'd want?

Since then I have dated other guys

but I don't have that chemistry with anyone else.

- Just be careful though. - Oh, I know.

I don't wanna have to give him another nickname, okay?

[laughs]

♪ I can't get myself over you ♪

♪ You've got all that I ♪♪

I'm sick of all my clothes.

I don't have anything in my closet either.

This could be kind of cute, huh?

I think that'd be cute for, like, the beach.

- What does this look like? - That's cute.

It kinda looks like a Power Ranger.

So, uh...

'...I went on a date with Brody, we went to dinner.'

- 'You two?' - Yeah.

[Kristin] 'And I have to tell you, it was very easy'

and comfortable and just fun.

Brody's always had something for you

and, like, always will.

But I still feel like

he still is kind of torn between what he wants to do.

I mean, do you think Brody

thinks of you, like, as a rebound?

I don't know.

I'm sure it makes it a lot easier having me around.

Do you think that was kind of like the final, like, straw?

Having you around, he's just, like, done with Jayde?

I don't know, it always does kind of take

that one other person to, like...

But it's different with Brody and I.

Like, it'd be one thing if I was

if I just came in the picture

then, yeah, it would be % be a rebound, but--

Yeah.

You know, because we've been friends forever.

- 'Yeah.' - Right?

♪ Tell me do you still have pieces of me? ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm not complete at all ♪

♪ We can try we can try ♪

♪ But we're never gonna get it right ♪♪

[Brody] 'You've been here a couple times, huh?'

Yeah. Yeah.

- Hey! - 'Hi.'

[Brody] 'Oh, wow.'

- How are you? - 'Hi, honey.'

- How are you? - Good.

- You want some lemonade? - 'Yeah.'

- I'll take one. - Ah, I love it here.

You have to come over more often.

I know.

It has so many memories, you know?

- Including with you. - 'Aww, it's so cute.'

- We had a lot of fun. Yeah. - 'So much fun.'

When Brody was dating someone seriously, like you

I used to tell him that, "Don't be bringing people

"around me that I'm gonna get attached to

and then expect me to break up with them 'cause--"

- No, she was the worst. - I know.

Yeah, it's like breakin' up with the whole family.

- It's hard. - 'Ah, it is...'

You were, like, the best mom

for a boyfriend, you're the best.

- 'Thank you.' - Yeah, you are.

Well, you are adorable too.

- Alright, guys, jeez. - 'It's a lovefest.'

Remember when Brody bought you Bentley?

- That was before I rescued him. - 'Where is he?'

- Is he runnin' around. - 'He's around here somewhere.'

Bentley! Hello, baby.

[Linda] 'He's like my little boyfriend.'

He cuddles, he snores, he emits gas.

- He farts. Yeah. - Just like a man.

I mean, some guys, not... Brody's perfect.

- Of course. - 'Oh, yeah.'

[Kristin] 'Oh, yeah.'

You guys are hangin' out a lot together, huh?

Yeah, we've been having a lot of fun. Haven't we, Brody?

We actually have been having some fun.

Anything goin' on that I should be knowin' about?

No.

Mm. You guys are cute together.

♪ Our love ♪

♪ Was lost ♪

♪ In the rubble ♪♪

[Charlie] 'Okay, I'm gonna talk to these ladies.'

[Spencer] 'I'm about to be a monk.'

How'd you hear about this doctor?

You get a good referral or something?

I think I got to go to Beverly Hills

when you're debating cutting off nuts.

- You feel me? - Sweet.

[Charlie] 'After you.'

- Hello. Is this it? - 'Hello.'

- Dr. Safir's office. - 'Yep, Spencer Pratt here.'

Alright, if you could fill that out for me

'we'll be with you in just a minute.'

- Thank you very much. - 'You're welcome.'

Brought my moral support, you know?

Um, so yeah, Heidi's lost her mind. The puppies did not work.

- She wants babies even more. - That's like a week ago, man.

Yeah, but the, but the puppies now

are, like, "Look how much Enzo loves the puppies.

The baby will love the puppies."

'Do you know if he can do it today?'

- Oh, no. - 'No.'

[Spencer] 'It's a quick procedure, right?'

I'm gonna talk him into doing it today.

What the hell are you thinkin' doing this, bro?

- I got no other choice. - 'Alright.'

Let's do it.

- Spencer? - Hello.

Hi, Dr. Safir, how are you?

- Pleasure to meet you. - Good to meet you.

Well, tell me what made you wanna come on in today to talk.

Well, my wife, we recently just got married

and, uh, she's now in baby mode craze

so I'm going to go to the source

and, uh, make sure that baby can't happen

and I heard that it's kind of like a faucet

you can turn it off and turn it back on if I ever needed to.

So I'm comin' here to turn it off.

Yeah, well, I think the important thing is

to think not only for what's going on right now

but maybe five, ten, fifteen years in the future.

'Since we really consider it'

'a permanent means of sterilization.'

The procedure to undo it doesn't always work.

You really threw me off on the permanent.

Let-let me tell you a little bit about the procedure.

'Basically there's a tube, carries the sperm.'

We remove a piece of the tube.

How do you get that scalpel into that--

That's a good question. We make a puncture.

Oh, so you do go punch into the nuts there?

Yeah, in the high part of the scrotum.

- 'We cauterize the ends.' - 'Burning it?

- 'Is that steam right there?' - 'Just goes through the skin.'

- What is this thing-- - Like, a very, very fine jet...

Using air pressure directly through the skin

'and into the vas.'

'We grasp this, which is the vas'

'and we deliver it through the puncture.'

This looks like a little piece of, uh, vermicelli.

Ah. No.

- Ah. Urgh. - How'd it go in there, bro?

Did you k*ll it or what?

He showed me photos. I actually almost threw up.

Don't have him show you those photos.

Uh, it's permanent, you're right.

- Let's get out of here. - Beyond permanent.

Like, Kn*fe you up, tie things with ropes.

No.

Alright, this is, like, a t*rture place.

[dance music]

- Hi. - 'Hi.'

[indistinct chatter]

Hi.

Ah.

What about me and Kristin? We're hanging out.

It's weird to see you two together again.

It's a good thing.

Cheers. Where's your...

- Hey. - 'What?'

- We're hanging out. - Yeah.

Alright.

Do you?

You never know what'll happen.

'Is that bad of me to say?'

- Kind of. - 'Why?'

We have a lot to catch up on as far as our past goes.

Am I right or am I wrong?

♪ Oh no oh no uh-huh ♪

♪ Oh no oh no oh no uh-huh oh no oh no ♪

[Jayde] 'This is supposed to be, like, the best night at this club.'

- That's what I've heard. - Good DJ.

We have good DJ. We have, like, the best table.

♪ Move it all around ♪

♪ I like the way you drop it to the ground ♪♪

Cheers.

[indistinct chatter]

I'm not gonna say anything too mean.

♪ I like the way you move it all around ♪

♪ I like the way you drop it to the ground ♪

♪ I like the way you shake it all around ♪♪

Jayde just walked right by us.

What does Jayde know?

Me and Jayde aren't really talking that much

so there's nothing to say, I mean...

Wait, I need to drink up.

Hey, hey, hey.

I'm having drinks with friends.

I'm not dating anybody. We're hangin' out.

You guys, you guys, stop.

Hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey!

Don't cause drama.

No, no, no, no. Kristin. Drop it.

Please, stop.

Jayde, it's about you being so psycho.

Crazy, crazy. I'm leavin'.

I'm goin', I'm goin'.

[upbeat music]

♪ So when will I just ♪

♪ Shut up and give in? ♪

♪ Give in ♪♪

Brody, you need coffee?

No, I don't, I mean, whatever.

Ah, last night was a little crazy, huh?

What happened last night? I don't remember anything.

[Kristin] 'Oh, I don't know, your ex-girlfriend'

is a freakin' lunatic.

I, you know...

At the end of the day, I feel like it's my fault.

I feel like we shouldn't even have went there together.

I mean, it's like, if that's gonna always happen

I don't wanna deal with it.

It's like why does everything have to be so complicated?

- And nobody's even married. - No, I know.

I mean, I'm not sayin' I wanna even be in a relationship.

I'm just sayin' I don't wanna get hurt in the end

if you get back together with Jayde.

Truthfully, right now, when I think about it.

There will not be a chance in hell

that I would get back together with her

or she'd get back together with me.

Brody, come on.

I won't go back to her and she won't go back to me, %.

So...

[instrumental music]

Oh.

I like playing with you, Spencer.

Only once a week though. We shouldn't do it every day.

- 'Cause then it's not as fun. - Sweet.

So I still have not told Heidi

that I went to the doctor for the appointment.

If you're not gonna do it, I guess

you don't have to say anything.

Spencer, you went to the doctor?

- 'Are you sick?' - Uh, I am sick, yes.

- 'Hello.' - Oh, hey, Heidi. What's up?

Hey, Heidi. Heidi, Spencer went to the doctor.

[Heidi] 'Why did he go to the doctor?'

Enzo, what we talk about at guy time is guy time?

What kind of doctor?

Why are you going to a doctor behind my back?

Enzo, I think now's a good time for us to go outside

and play some outdoor sports--

Yeah, that might be a good idea.

- Okay. - 'Okay.'

So would you like to tell me what my husband was up to?

I was going to the doctor

because I had heard that you can do a seven-minute procedure

that can make it, so I don't have babies.

I thought it was

um...reversible.

So once I found out it wasn't, I left the office.

So you would've gone and done it right then

if you thought it was reversible?

'And then you would've come home and told me'

"Hi, honey, I snipped my balls off?"

- No, it's-- - I never lie to you.

I didn't lie.

By not telling me, you're lying to me.

How's that?

Lying is if somebody asks you something, and then--

No, no, not telling your wife

something that's life-changing

and that important is lying.

[indistinct chatter]

'You knew I wanted kids when you married me'

so it sounds like marrying me was the biggest mistake

you've ever made.

[Brittney Elizabeth singing "Last Song For You"]

♪ Incredibly passionate ♪

♪ Incredible you ♪

♪ You always knew what to say ♪

♪ But your words now are like the silence of night ♪

♪ Too bad I'm thinking ♪♪

Hey.

Hi.

Did you get a new ear piercing?

I've always had it.

Since .

Rock and roll, baby.

It's like I have so much built up

and so much to say, but nothing's coming out.

'Like, I don't know where to start or what to say.'

I just feel like...

I do like you, I do still care about you

and it would be amazing if we could work things out

but, I mean, there'd be

a lot of working out to do.

I don't know, kiddo.

It's getting really cold.

I'd give you my jacket, but I don't have anything under it.

[Audrina] 'I was surprised you weren't at Heidi's birthday.'

Weren't you gonna go?

Me and Kristin were hanging out a lot

'and I figured you would be there'

'and if I can avoid a conflict'

'then I'd rather not go anywhere.'

Are you guys still together?

'Cause I thought she was with Brody now.

'Cause they came together.

Yeah.

Sorry.

Yeah, you seem sincere about it.

Well, maybe she'll go back to you.

You made your point, if that's what you're tryin' to make.

I didn't try to make a point, Justin.

Like, this * * * pisses me off.

You tell me to basically get the hell out of your life.

I do. I start seein' somebody.

'Then you hang out with somebody I know.'

What do you want?

The last time we hung out, I thought everything was cool

and then, that's it.

It's okay 'cause you know, I don't know

if it's payback for all the times that you felt

* * * hurt or, I don't know what.

I-I can't even go back to any of that.

'I shouldn't be here.'

Then why are you here?

Maybe to finalize something that's not there.

Because by you pushing me away

you pushed me into somebody else

'and it got to that point where there's feelings there.'

It would... Kristin, you know is...

Did something different to me

than, than me and you have done.

It was somewhere I haven't really gone with-with somebody

and I really didn't...

...wanna think about the consequences.

'I just did it.'

You know, like, it was the first time I didn't have to worry

about what Audrina was thinkin'.

[instrumental music]

Well, oh, God.

[music continues]

♪ So many feelings now ♪

♪ In the silence of the night ♪

♪ Too bad you left me this way ♪

♪ But I'm tired of feeling so hopeless ♪

♪ And it's time to come to terms ♪

♪ With this last song for you ♪

♪ The last one I swear ♪

♪ This last song for you ♪

♪ This is the last one I swear ♪

♪ This last song for you ♪

♪ The last one I swear ♪♪

[theme music]