05x03 - Blindsided

[bunniefuu]

-[dramatic music playing]
-[Taylor] Oh, my God.

I love JP,

and I've never seen him before.

I don't have any fear of walking out
and him being like, "Oh, you're not cute."

Whoa!

Like, I don't feel like that with him,
you know.

I think because he fell in love
with who I am... here

before ever seeing me.

So...

[exhales]

I fell in love and found my future wife.

I try not to think about what she looks
like, 'cause I don't wanna have

a certain image in my head,
and she be something different.

I know she's gonna be
the most beautiful girl,

because I like her
for what's on the inside.

[dramatic music playing]

[Taylor] Oh, my God.

[gasps] Sugar butt!

-[laughs]
-What's up?

Oh, my goodness.

-Hi. [laughs]
-How you doing?

[Taylor] Oh, thank God.

You're really pretty.

-[gasps] Hi.
-Hi.

[laughing]

[Taylor] Oh, my God.

Hi.

Oh, my God.

Gosh, I feel like I can breathe.

-Will you marry me?
-Yes. [laughs]

Oh, my God.

-[pop music playing]
- ♪ Ooh! All I want is you... ♪

[gasps]

Mm. Oh, my God,
I'm literally freaking out right now.

[JP laughing]

♪ You-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪

♪ All I want is you ♪

-How are you feeling?
-I'm excited.

-[Taylor] You wanna sit?
-Yeah.

[Taylor] My heart is, like...

still pounding out of my chest.

[both laughing]

Feel it. Feel my heart.

-Can you feel it?
-Yeah.

-This is so exciting.
-I know. We made it.

I know. We did it. My sugar butt.

-My sugar.
-[laughs]

[JP] Just seeing her smile
and seeing her look at me, like,

luckiest man in the world.

-[Taylor laughing]
-Am I sweating?

A little bit. So am I.

Did you think I was gonna look like this?

-What did you think?
-I tried not to picture you.

-We didn't tell each other anything.
-I know. It's good.

-Was like, "My eyelash is gonna fall off."
-[laughing]

-These are fake, by the way. [laughs]
-Oh, they're not that long in real life?

-You can't tell?
-You can tell.

And I started thinking, like, "Oh,
what if he doesn't like the way I look?"

-I like the way you look.
-Do you feel in love?

-In love.
-[laughing]

That's insane.

-My sugar butt.
-My sugar.

It feels weird, like,
putting your voice with your face now.

-Why?
-I don't know.

[laughs] It's just, like, weird.
I thought I would never see you.

-You thought it was never gonna happen?
-Yeah. I just...

I don't know.

And now here we are.
You're so sweet. [chuckles]

-I try.
-The rest of our lives still.

[both laugh]

[Taylor] I love the ring. It's so pretty.

-You did a good job.
-[both laugh]

[Taylor] You did a really good job.

And I like your face.

-Thanks. I like your face.
-[laughs]

I don't even know what to say.

I'm gonna run out of things to say,
and I don't like that.

I don't like that.

Well, now we have plenty of time.

[Taylor] There was some silence
with JP in the pods,

and so I was kind of, I guess,
expecting it out there, you know.

But a little bit awkward.

Well, I'm frigging excited
to spend the rest of our lives together.

Think we got this?

-We got this.
-We got this. [laughs]

-I think so too. Friggin' pumped.
-Me too.

To do it with you. Well, I love you.

-I love you too.
-That feels weird.

-What?
-To say in person.

-Why?
-[laughs]

'Cause we've been saying it
through a friggin' wall.

That's true.

-You still feel love? Feel love?
-I love you. I love you. I love you.

[Taylor] In the real world,
I probably wouldn't have gone after him.

He has a gap.
I'm not gonna because of his teeth.

Like, that's so stupid to not be with
someone because of their teeth, you know.

[laughing]

[Taylor] Looks don't matter to me anymore.

It's really weird to say that. [laughs]

But, yeah. This, like,
changed my whole outlook on love,

life, everything. [chuckles]

You can't judge someone
because of what they look like, you know.

You're sweet to me. I haven't found that.

You better not stop
being sweet to me though.

-Never.
-[chuckles]

I'll never stop being sweet to you either.

Oh, my gosh.

I fell in love with JP
based off his heart.

Like, it's one of the best things
I've ever done in my whole, entire life.

-[pop music playing]
-♪ This is love... ♪

Holy crap. [grunts]

Hell yeah, love's blind. [laughs]

Yeah.

I'm proof of it. [laughs]

-♪ All I think about is you ♪
-♪ Think about is you ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, all I think about is you... ♪

-I love you.
-I love you too.

♪ All I think about is you... ♪

[Taylor laughs]

[dance music playing]

[women chattering, laughing]

[Lydia] I'm gonna get some coffee.

I've never gone this long
without my Starbucks.

I bet you're losing it. I get that.

-I'm missing it.
-[Shondra] I understand.

And, you know,
this is really, really hard.

Girl, bye.

[laughing]

-Do you say "salmon" or "salmon"?
-[woman] Salmon.

[Maris] "Salmon" or "salmon"?

-Salmon. That's how it's pronounced.
-Who says "salmon"?

[whispering] Izzy is, like, at my top.

-He's your top?
-Mm-hmm.

-Yeah. [laughing]
-Oh! [squeals]

[Stacy] Johnie's really
territorial about it.

And I didn't even know
that's who Johnie's person was.

He's been her top
since pretty much, like, day one.

[Stacy] Please don't say anything
to anyone or even hint at it.

-[Miriam] I wouldn't.
-I want it to stay this way.

I feel like it makes it easier
to bond with someone

when you don't have people in your ear.

I agree. I agree 100%.

-I wrote a really bad poem. Wanna read it?
-[laughs]

Izzy, oh, Izzy

The words you say
Sometimes put me in a tizzy

So much so I need a cocktail
Filled with something fizzy

Oh.

I'd rather stay in a pod with you
Than go take a wizzy

-Oh!
-[both laughing]

You're freaking hilarious. I love it.

Even though you're busy
You still make me dizzy

I could be your Izzy mizzy

-Oh, Izzy
-[laughing]

This is f*cking art. [laughs]

f*ck, bro. [sighs]

I'm f*cking... [laughs]

Just gotta, like, take the stress off.

-[Connor] Does that help?
-[Izzy] No.

Like, I had fallen for Johnie immediately.

And then, like,
Stacy just came out of nowhere.

And it's just getting
more intense with her too.

-[Connor] You ready?
-[Izzy] I'm nervous.

[Connor] Hoping the first one
is number one or number two?

-Two, so I have clarity for number one.
-[Connor] Yeah.

Just going around
in circles in my own head.

[Stacy] How are you feeling?

[Izzy laughs] I don't know. I'm like...

I'm honestly, all I know
is this is getting hard.

[Stacy] Mm-hmm.

-I know that's a very vague answer.
-[Stacy] It sure is.

[Izzy] Um...

Are you starting
to picture a future with me?

It's a build. Like, it's a build of trust,

and me getting to know you first
to trust what you're saying

and to trust myself
to open up and tell you things.

-[Izzy] Mm-hmm.
-Like, I'm at that point now.

I haven't connected like this with someone
in I can't even tell you how long.

That's why it scares me.

It kind of feels like... I wrote this down.
This is how I described it.

"You make me feel like my lungs

and my heart are fighting
against each other."

"Like my breath can't keep up
with my heart rate

anytime I'm around you
or even just thinking about you."

Like, it's just like my heart's pounding
but not in a bad way.

Yeah. That's how I feel right now.

Holy f*ck.

[Stacy] Take physical stuff outside of it,

uh, what's your biggest insecurity?

[Izzy] Someone to...

not love me the way I love them.

[Stacy] Mm.

[Izzy] When I'm in a relationship,
I don't give up.

'Cause I'm really afraid
for people to give up on me.

How about you?

Abandonment.

-So, like, the same thing.
-[Stacy] Yeah.

It's, like, that constant, like...

"they just took the rug out
from under me" fear.

[Izzy] Yeah.

And as brave as you can be,

it's always there, and it's just kind of,
like, this experience.

That's why I'm, like...

[voice breaks] ...losing it a little bit.

[Izzy] I completely understand.

[Stacy] I know, it's just like...

It's just, like,
the willingness to go through it.

You feel kind of crazy.

I think the willingness to be like,
"Yeah, that's a solid chance."

You okay?

Yeah.

Take a breather.

I don't want you to have doubts
about me or, like, what I have to offer,

and I know I have a lot.

[laughs]

-[pop music playing]
-♪ Baby, I got you ♪

♪ Do you still worry now? ♪

♪ Baby, I got you ♪

-[Uche] So we meet again.
-[Aaliyah laughs]

-Oh! Uche, you have me in my feelings.
-So we meet again.

[Aaliyah] I knew when
I finally met the right man,

I was gonna know.

I was gonna know, and I was gonna feel
at peace about marrying that person.

I've always said
I don't want a perfect marriage.

There's no such thing.

I just want to know
that I'm free to be me.

I have a confession.

[Uche] What?

I'm gonna be open with you,
'cause I have some weird things that I do.

-Okay, so the first one.
-Okay.

For some reason,
that skin that's on your elbow...

-[Uche] Okay.
-I like to grab it sometimes.

What? You like to grab the elbow skin?

I don't know why, Uche.
Don't judge me, okay?

You said you were gonna
accept me for all of me.

-The weenus.
-[laughing]

You like to grab the weenus.
That's what it's called, right?

I don't know what it's called,
but I like it.

[Uche] I'm pretty sure
it's called the weenus.

-[Aaliyah] Okay, well, I like the weenus.
-[laughing]

Yeah. "I like the weenus."

[laughs] I bet you do.

[laughs] Okay,
so, I like to grab it, okay.

Oh, okay.

And okay,
so here's another weird thing I do.

I like to eat Splenda packs and honey.

-Just eat it.
-Eww! What?

Uche!

-Why?
-I don't know.

You just get, like, a spoonful of honey
and put a Splenda pack on it?

No, no, it's separately.

I'm saying those are weird things
that I just like to eat.

Okay, who the hell are you?
Winnie-the-Pooh?

-[Aaliyah] Yes.
-Who eats honey?

Me.

What?

I don't know. It just tastes good. Okay?

No.

-[Aaliyah] I have more.
-Go for it.

Sometimes when you shower,
I'll probably just wanna like,

you know, peek.

-[Uche] Peek?
-[laughs]

Ain't no free shows around here, girl.

[Aaliyah] Mm.

[Uche] You can't
just be peeking in the shower.

I like to peek.

I'll have to charge you by the minute.

[laughing]

Tell me weird things about you.

[Uche] Weird things? Um...

-I don't think I have any weird things.
-Uche.

You are...

You know you have weird things.

-Weird things about me?
-[Aaliyah] Yes.

[Uche] Um, maybe the OCD thing.

Like, I have to have things in certain,
you know, um, places sometimes.

Like, sometimes
if things are not aligned well.

Like, sometimes I like to go around

and, you know,
set things in their right place,

so it's aesthetically pleasing.

-So, you're a neat freak?
-Not a neat freak.

But sometimes, you know, I'll go around,
and I'll be adjusting things,

just because things seem
a little bit off, and I'm like, "Oh."

"That picture frame is crooked."

And every time I look at it,
I just see a crooked picture frame,

and I have to go and straighten it out.

Uche, are we gonna have an issue
coming together?

I mean, are you a slob?

No.

[Uche] Do you like crooked pictures
on the wall?

-No.
-All right, then we gonna be okay.

I'm just saying
I feel like there's something, like...

you're trying to paint this picture...

[laughing] ...to be better
than it actually is.

-Like, I feel like...
-I feel like I'm painting it worse.

You even feeling the need to mention
something like this means it's bad.

[Uche] I feel like I'm painting it worse
than it actually is.

I'm starting to question
this connection we're having.

[laughing]

You know, honestly,
I didn't expect this out of you.

[laughing]

[pop music playing]

[woman] What's up, girls?

[Linda] What is Stacy doing?

-Is Stacy on a handstand?
-[woman] Mm-hmm.

[Renee] Bad b*tches on the floor.

[all] ♪ Take it back now y'all ♪

♪ One hop this time ♪

[humming]

♪ Turn it out ♪

♪ Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! ♪

♪ How low can you go?
Can you take it to the floor? ♪

-♪ I love you so ♪
-[shouting]

That's so funny.

You know what's crazy is a girl
in there told me I have a sexy voice.

-And I've never in my life...
-No, no. Honestly, it's not bad.

Sometimes I feel like, "Am I the only one
trying to conduct this sh*t correctly?"

-[Chris] You?
-I honestly feel like that, dude.

-I haven't been talking about my dates.
-You're right.

[Milton] I haven't
been saying what I f*cking look like.

Like, I like her a lot, dude.

I could see myself with her.
I'm just like...

Yes or no? You would marry her right now?

Probably, bro.

[laughs] You can't say "probably"
with something like that.

I mean, truthful, truthful?

Bible.

I'd propose to her right now.

-Good man.
-Would she say yes? A different question.

-[pop music playing]
-♪ I wanna love you ♪

♪ In the worst of the days
In the best of ways ♪

[Lydia] Hello.

-How are you?
-Good. How are you?

Oh, dude, there's already
an old-fashioned here for me.

-[Lydia] I know, right?
-Oh, is this from you?

Yes.

[Milton] What are you drinking?

[Lydia] Uh, Coconut Malibu
and orange juice.

-[Milton] You drink Malibu?
-Yeah.

[Milton] What are you,
freakin' 20 years old?

How does it feel having a guy younger
than you being more mature?

[Lydia laughs]

Babe, what is this? You got me a bee?

[Milton laughs]

But it's also yellow, I'm hoping.
That's your favorite color.

Yes, that's true.

This is too cute.

And a rock?

It's a metamorphic rock, babe.

I like the rock.
It's going in the collection.

-It's gonna be my new favorite piece.
-Yes!

[Milton] I might have to cut it
to 30 nanograms

so I can observe it under my microscope,
so I can really see what it is.

-Yeah, and we can do it together.
-Oh, that'd be hot.

Right?

You're weird as f*ck. [laughs]

You're so lucky I find you,
like, super attractive. [chuckles]

[Lydia] I'm a f*cking catch, okay?

-You're a f*cking catch.
-[Lydia] Mm-hmm.

I think so.

Something that makes me kinda weird.

I'm a competitive Pokémon player.

[Lydia] Yeah, that's weird.

[Milton] Yeah, but women love me for it.

-You're adorbs.
-[Milton] Um...

-You wanna dive into something real?
-Yeah. For sure.

[Milton] Okay. What is your
greatest accomplishment in life?

[Lydia] Both of my degrees.

[Milton] I didn't know
there was more than one.

[Lydia] There's the undergrad degree
in geology.

And I have a master's degree
on environmental management.

Um, I was working while I was studying.

I was working
at a pasta restaurant as a manager.

And I still managed to have 3.98 GPA.

[Milton] Fancy.

I don't think we necessarily come
from, like, exactly the same background.

[Lydia] No, we don't.

But when we talk to each other
and we make jokes and like,

our humor is, like, super similar,
and that's why I really like you.

Aww.

What is your biggest,
like, trauma in life?

[Milton] My biggest trauma.

I remember I was playing basketball
with some friends at the gym.

-[Lydia] Mm-hmm.
-I was in, like, eighth, ninth grade.

And I remember coming down and being like,
"Damn, my back kind of hurts."

But I didn't think anything of it,
you know.

Yeah.

It kept hurting. Um...

My school, we had, like,
a scoliosis check, and they were like,

-"Milton, your spine is f*cked up."
-Aww.

[Milton] It caused my spine
to, like, start collapsing on itself.

Like, when your spine starts,
like, to bend,

there's too much pressure
on certain internal organs.

And I started going into,
like, organ failure,

and they were like, "Milton, you have to
have surgery within six months."

[Lydia] Oh, my God!

And I just remember, like,
waking up in the hospital bed.

And I just remember
not being able to move.

Like, imagine your spine
getting 12 drill holes

and 12 screws, you know.

[Lydia] Mm-hmm.

That pain was like...

I didn't wanna cry in front of my parents

or, like, my sisters, but, like...

They saw it leaking out.
I wouldn't admit it though.

But, like, I'm so grateful for, like...

Being alive today and just...

[Milton] Sometimes I think about,
like, what if, like,

my back fucks up, and I am paralyzed,

where I can't...
and I'm bound to a wheelchair?

[Lydia] Well, you know what?

Like, who's gonna love me?

-Can you let me talk?
-[Milton] Yeah.

I'll be there for you.

-Really?
-I'm gonna support and love you anyway.

You know I'm a hard worker.

[Milton] But I don't want you
to work hard.

Babe, but you cannot control that.

And you're gonna be healthy.
This is, like, a tool, like,

speculation, you know.

-[Milton] Can I be honest with you?
-Yes.

I know I'm not gonna live,
like, a really long time.

Don't say that.

[Milton] Listen, I know I'm not.

It's literally statistical analysis.

People that are, like,

as tall as I am,

live significantly shorter.

So you... [laughing]

You're telling me how tall you are?

[both laughing]

It doesn't matter.

I wanna spend
all the time that I can with you.

[Milton] I wanna spend
all the time I can with you too.

I feel like I'm really falling for you,
and it's kind of scary.

[Lydia] Oh, don't say that. Me too.

It's, like, scary. Like, I'm not...

I'm honestly not really used to this.

It's weird, isn't it?

Weird. Yeah.

But, like,
I feel super comfortable with you.

[Lydia] I'm starting to fall for you,

and... I really like you.

I really like you too.

Like, I could definitely see,
like, the rest of my life with you.

[Lydia] And I can see it with you.

-I'm gonna stand up and hug the wall.
-[Milton laughs]

-["The Air You're Breathing" playing]
-♪ Without you, I can't breathe ♪

[knock on door]

[Lydia] Do you hear that?

Stop being so f*cking weird. [laughs]

[Lydia laughing]

I'm not weird.

I want you.

I want you so bad.

♪ Love you in any season ♪

♪ Everything I've been needing ♪

♪ I wanna breathe the air
That you're breathing ♪

♪ That you're breathing ♪

[dance music playing]

♪ We got what you want
We got what you want... ♪

-[Chris] 204. 205.
-[laughs]

[humming]

Mamacita.

-[Shondra] Oh, there she is.
-Okay, wait, to Sunday fun day.

[cheering]

-[Shondra] Careful.
-I'm fine. I do this every day.

-Okay. Got it.
-There you go. Oop.

-Someone help this girl!
-[cork pops]

[cheering]

♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh! Here we go! ♪

♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh!
Try to catch him, let him go ♪

♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh! Here we go! ♪

♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh!
Try to keep him if you would ♪

I feel like I have
a very strong connection with Izzy,

and I think that's why
I was thrown for a loop yesterday

when he told me he has major concerns.

And I'm not sure

whether I can comfort his fears.

I'm going to try to

because I wanna leave here
with him, you know.

That's why I broke up with Chris.

Like, I wanna show Izzy that...

I'm fully here for him.

Hi.

[Izzy] How are you?

I'm okay. [sighs]

[chuckles] Where do we start?

Obviously, I'm feeling stronger for you
and somebody else, right?

[Johnie] Mm-hmm.

I'm just gonna, like, tell you
the differences between y'all.

[Johnie] Okay.

I meet you, right?
Boom. It's like an instant connection.

But we got so deep so fast,
and I loved that.

And I know I have
that strong emotional bond with you.

We do get each other.

And it sounds so weird to say.

Like, I love that you have
your traumas and insecurities,

but, like, I guess I love that about you
because, like, I have 'em too.

[Johnie] Mm-hmm.

[Izzy] And I know
you would never make me feel stupid.

And every time we come in, it feels great.

And then out of nowhere,
it was just, like, boom,

she comes.

It was weird because with her,
she wasn't, like, emotional right away

or very vulnerable.

And the thing that's crazy

is that that girl knows me...

so well

through a wall.

It's easy, and it's fun.

f*ck.

But you realize
I had the same thing with Chris, right?

I don't know anything about you and Chris.

Well, it was exactly you and Stacy.

Me and Chris

talked about everything.

Like, I could leave here with Chris,

and I know exactly
what our life would look like.

I know exactly what it would look like.

And I know how he would treat me.

And, like, we did connect
on a lot of stuff. Like, we did.

We laughed the entire time
we were in the pods.

But I wasn't falling in love with him.

If I chose him,
it would be a fear-based choice.

Chris would have been repeating
the past few relationships

where I go into something
that feels like it makes sense,

and I wouldn't get hurt
because my heart's not there.

Did I feel way more secure
in my relationship with Chris?

A hundred percent.

But I didn't come here to feel secure.

I came here to break out of my pattern.

And to find someone
that I feel I connect with

on another level
that maybe you can't explain.

I won't settle anymore.

And I know you're scared,
and I recognize I have problems.

[sighs] We all have problems.

[Johnie] Yeah, I know,
but I'm actually in a really good place.

I do think we would have
a lot of f*cking fun together.

It makes more sense to me

that we would be having
these kind of conversations

than, like, playing f*cking games
or having fun.

This is what it's gonna be like
when sh*t gets hard in the real world.

But like I said from the beginning,
I want someone to choose me for me,

and for me, it's you.

If I don't leave here with you,
and you don't leave here with me,

I'm always gonna think about you
for the rest of my life

as a "what if."

And I think you're always gonna feel
that way about me too.

[Izzy chuckles] I know you would
understand this more than anybody,

but like, after being
in an engagement or marriage...

[Johnie] Mm-hmm.

...it has to make sense to me.

So are you

ending things with me?

[Izzy clicks tongue]

Yes, I am. [sighs]

Okay, I get it.

I'm sorry.

And I wish you

nothing but the best.

[pop music playing]

♪ I really tried to be my best for you... ♪

[sighs]

♪ Ooh! ♪

♪ I was so reckless ♪

♪ I just kept on fooling ♪

♪ I loved you without caution ♪

♪ Now I ♪

♪ You left me breathless... ♪

[Johnie] I'm feeling very confused,

blindsided.

Like, once again, I'm choosing someone
who is emotionally unavailable.

And I feel really dumb.

♪ I really tried to be my best for you ♪

-You're going home?
-Yeah, he broke up with me.

-Just now?
-[Johnie] Yeah.

[Taylor] What did he say?

He didn't feel secure enough
in our relationship.

He was scared,
and he made the safe choice.

He felt like he knew more about her,

and if she's what he wants

then his issues
are gonna be outside of here. [laughs]

[Renee laughs] They're so gonna
break up in a month, so...

[Johnie] Yeah, like,
they're just having fun in there.

-[Renee] You don't wanna talk to Chris?
-[Johnie] I mean, I will.

But, like, I just feel like I sh*t
on our whole relationship this whole time.

[Taylor] But you liked him a lot, right?

When I came in here yesterday
and I found out Chris was so torn up

about our breakup,

I was like, "Did I do the wrong thing?"

-[Aaliyah] Yeah.
-Because Izzy's unsure.

-And Chris is crying about our breakup.
-[Aaliyah] Yeah.

I'm like,
"Who really cares in this scenario?"

[Renee] Mm-hmm.

[Johnie] And I told Izzy,

like, I felt more secure
in Chris and I's relationship.

So, I'm like, did I just not choose it

because it's secure
and, like, more boring?

[sobbing] I just wanted someone
to love me for me.

[Aaliyah] I know, sis.

-[pop music playing]
-♪ Falling down ♪

♪ 'Cause I miss you ♪

[laughs]

-Yeah, baby!
-Oh, my God!

[Izzy] This is awesome.

-This is so cute.
-[Izzy laughs]

[Stacy] How are you?

I'm great. How about you?

I'm so good.
I've been dying to get in here.

[Izzy] This is the most,
like, clearheaded I've been.

You have no idea
how excited I was to come into this date.

-Yeah?
-[Izzy] And just relax.

The amount of drama...

[Stacy] Yeah?

[Izzy] ...that I've had.

-Oh, Jeez.
-[Izzy] Oh, God.

[laughs]

Mm! That is good.

-You're already chowing down. Let's do it.
-[Izzy] I'm sorry.

So, me and Johnie
did not end on a good note.

-Wow.
-[Izzy] And I felt like sh*t.

I'm not gonna lie.
Like, I felt really bad.

'Cause I did have feelings for her.

[sighs] It's wild,

and, like, I'm just gonna
stay out of it and, like, not judge.

I haven't walked in her shoes,

and I haven't asked her anything
about her feelings,

so that's for her
to deal with moving forward.

I don't know. Just, like, with you,
it's just, like, so easy and effortless.

You know, like, it just feels right.

And if I'm about to make this commitment
for, like, the rest of my life

and propose to somebody, like,

this is where I belong.

Mm-hmm! Yeah.

It is baffling to

have the feelings I have for you

and genuinely care about you.

-It's just wild.
-[laughs] I'm so excited.

Even telling the guys,

I'm like, "Dude, I don't think
I've ever really had a girl, like,

you know, like, like me the way you do,
understand me the way you do."

[laughs] It's f*cking awesome.

If I can describe it, it's just like

finding your first love, you know.

Like that innocent, giddy, excited,

just love.

[Stacy exhales]

Where are you at with the L-b*mb?

[Stacy] It's on my mind.

It's more like

I've known that I've been falling in love
with you and, um,

what you told me is,
like, pushing me in that direction

to be able to say it to you.

-I know where I'm at.
-Mm-hmm.

[Stacy] And I know I'll be able
to communicate it to you...

[Izzy] Mm-hmm.

...when it's right.

-["Love In the Cut" playing]
-♪ Is this all that we are? ♪

♪ Two fish in a barrel ♪

I can't tell you the last time
that I called someone my boyfriend.

It was over four years ago.

[chuckles] It was over four years ago.

I've dated.

And I've, like, dated guys
for a long time, and I'm like... [groans]

Like, if I haven't said,
like, "I love you" to them...

[sighs] I keep doing that.

I keep finding myself doing that,
like, humungous breaths.

My body's not well-conditioned
to this emotional stuff.

♪ There's blood in the water ♪

♪ Love in the cut ♪

♪ Blood in the water ♪

♪ Love in the cut ♪

[Uche] You're still here with us?

-[Chris] The kid's still fighting.
-[Uche laughs]

The kid is still fighting.

-So, she wants to talk to you or what?
-Yeah. [laughs]

[chuckles]

-[chuckles] It feels really, really weird.
-[laughing]

It's not fun being a backup.

[laughing] My man Izzy is gonna
have that over me for the rest of my life.

-[all laughing]
-Come on, man. No.

[Uche] You shouldn't
think about it like that though.

It's just whoever's compatible
at the end of this,

it's, you know, let itself work out.

Tell her how you feel.

-I need to figure my sh*t out.
-[JP whispers] Yeah.

[laughing] This might be the weirdest
situation of all time, to be honest.

Just a roller coaster, man.

I feel like
Izzy and I are getting drunk tonight.

[laughing]

[sighs]

There's so many thoughts
going through my head about Johnie.

My brain is telling me I'm stupid
for even listening to her

and going in there and talking to her.

But my heart and my gut
is still excited to talk to Johnie,

no matter what we're talking about.

I just want a happy life
and a happy marriage with someone I love.

Follow your gut, man.
Follow your heart. Whatever feels right.

Maybe she is
seriously regretting that decision.

Sometimes your second choice
is what you need more.

-[Johnie] Hi.
-[Chris] How you doing?

Uh... [laughs]

[sighs]

It's been a shitty morning.

Sorry to hear that.

I don't know
how much you've heard on that side.

-Izzy ended things with me.
-Yeah.

But I kind of wanted
to discuss what happened with us.

Because...

Um, I think I got in my head a little bit.

I'm, like, still trying
to pursue something with you.

I need you to be as honest
as you possibly can be.

Yesterday, when I ended things,

I've heard that you had a pretty
emotional reaction to our breakup.

[Chris] Yeah, it was tough.

Then I was like,

"f*ck, he cares."

Of course I care.

Ultimately, reflecting back
on all of this,

I'm wondering if I...

repeated a pattern with Izzy.

Because I tend to go for people who are...

emotionally unavailable.

I've never really had,
like, a secure relationship.

But are you ready for a switch?

Yes, that's what I'm saying.

You're, like, the safe choice,

telling me everything I need to hear,
and it makes me feel so secure,

but in some ways that's less exciting.

Like, for me...

I was really emotional
about what happened the other day.

[Johnie] Yeah.

[Chris] I am excited
to hear your voice every time,

and it kind of hurts

hearing that you don't think
I am exciting.

No, like, it's different, like...

I don't want
to be just, like, a secure pick.

I wanna be
what you're excited for every day.

I mean, I wanna be the love of your life.
I wanna be your best friend.

I just want to know that the person
I fall for 100% wants to be with me.

[Johnie] I have the most fun with you.

I laughed the most with you.

I felt so much safer with you.

That's why I'm here.

[Chris] Why do you do this to me?

[chuckles] Goodness,
Johnie, why'd you do this?

[sighs]

[Johnie] I know I f*cked it up.

f*cked it up.

[chuckles] You're cute
with your mouth full.

[laughs] Sorry.
That's probably disgusting.

I want to be with you.

[Johnie] Mm.

[Chris] I just want...

I just... I want you.

Like, are we ready for an engagement?

I know you, and I trust you,

and I care about you

in ways I didn't...

even know I cared about you.

I just... I'm gonna have to think about it.

-[pop music playing]
-♪ Will I see you again... ♪

[sighs]

[exhales]

♪ ...the right words to say ♪

♪ Give me one more night ♪

♪ For you and I before it's too late ♪

♪ If the cobblestone lasts
And the photographs will never fade ♪

-What's going on? Is that a good...
-I have no f*cking clue, still.

-Definitely more complicated.
-[Connor] f*ck.

[Uche] f*cked your head up, huh?

Yeah.

[Uche] What are you thinking?

I mean,
I don't wanna make you feel awkward.

[Izzy] No, I don't. I don't know
if you want me to just spill it all out.

-Tell me. I'm a big man. I'm a big boy.
-[Izzy] Yeah. Time's limited.

So she said the thing for her
in this whole experience

was, like,
not going where she was used to,

and she said everyone who she dated
always was a safe feeling,

but she was never in love with them.

So she couldn't see herself
like that with you.

So that was that.

She literally told me
basically the same thing, but opposite.

-That's not a good sign.
-[Uche] Really?

'Cause she told me
the reason she felt better with you

was because I was, like, the safe thing,
and she's not used to that.

She's used to more excitement,
rather than the safe direction.

'Cause she hasn't had
the safe direction before.

-[Uche laughs] She hasn't had safe before?
-[Chris] She hasn't had safe before.

[chuckles] So now, hearing you say
the exact flip is not good.

Does not bode well.

[Izzy] Like, she said,
"With Chris, we hit it off."

"We're laughing all the time." She's like,
"I can picture a life with him."

I know how it would be,
and it would be safe.

And she's like, "That's not what I want
because I always go with safe."

Which is very opposite
from what you're explaining to me.

I do not envy you.

Love is blind.

-[dance music playing]
-♪ Are you gonna take me home? ♪

♪ 'Cause I don't wanna spend
This night alone... ♪

[Renee] In the right corner,

we have Lydia.
In the best corner, we got...

-Ooh!
-Oh!

You strong. I mean, this is gonna
last one second. Okay, ready?

One, two, three.

♪ Baby, this is evergreen ♪

♪ And it feels so good to be found
Are you gonna... ♪

[Lydia] sh*t!

Lydia! I'm disappointed in you!

[Lydia] I'm disappointed in myself.

♪...take me home ♪

I think I know all your number ones.

-No.
-[Connor] That's comforting.

Lydia. And for you, Miriam.

-I figure things out.
-What's Miriam? Is she the geologist?

[Uche] Think you could propose to the one?

Or do you have anything
that makes you think,

"I could not marry this person
and spend the rest of my life with them?"

Um...

[Uche] Don't have to propose to anybody.

[Milton] Yeah. 100%.

[Uche] Have those important conversations

before you bring
somebody else's emotions into it.

-I don't like to talk about these things.
-[Uche] Just don't make it weird.

-I prefer people not to harass me on this.
-[Uche] No, you're right.

-You're completely right. We'll drop it.
-Thank you.

-[Lydia] Oh, my God.
-[Aaliyah] I'm in love.

-You're in love? Are you in love?
-[Aaliyah] I'm in love.

You're in love?

Yeah, I'm in love.

He's so perfect for me.
Like, I just love his nerdy ass.

I hope...
I truly hope you guys are both happy.

I hope so.

I never felt really loved
by anybody just for who I am.

I have never been loved.

What if he doesn't like me?

Why? What is there not to like, baby?
You're a hot mamacita.

I know. I'm just saying it's so scary.
This is so different, you know?

[sighs]

-I know it's different.
-I hope it's different in a good way.

-Yeah.
-'Cause I really am falling for this man.

He told me he can't see
a future without me.

-Wow. He said that?
-Mm-hmm.

[women chattering]

Damn. Damn!

He makes my heart jump,
and I'm just like, "Oh, my God."

Wow.

I'm scared.

I've been hurt, girl.
I don't wanna get hurt again.

You're not.

-I don't wanna get hurt. I'm so scared.
-You're not.

[whimpers] I'm so scared.

It'll be all right.

Everything's gonna be all right.

Everything's gonna be all right.

-[pop music playing]
-♪ We're running in circles ♪

♪ Got hope everywhere I turn... ♪

-[man] Hey!
-[man 2] Good luck, boys.

[Chris] Have fun.

[woman shouts]

-[Uche] Hello.
-Morning.

[chuckles] Good morning.

[Aaliyah] I see your gift.

[Uche] It is a journal,

and, um, I think it would be a great place

to, uh, write down your ideas,
your thoughts.

And on the first two pages there,

-I wrote you, uh, a little poem.
-[Aaliyah] Want me to read it out loud?

-[Uche] Yeah, you can read it out loud.
-Okay.

I walk in nervous, I hear your voice

You say my name, you are my choice

I'm excited now, I lose my poise

You destroy the fear, you drown the noise

Your love is rich, I'm feeling poor

You open up, I'm reassured

I think of you, I drift to sleep

How will we feel the day we meet?

You are my queen, you are Aali

My guard is down, let's take the leap

-Aww. Uche.
-[Uche laughs]

-I love it.
-[Uche] Do you like it?

Yes, I love it.

-Thank you.
-Yeah, you're welcome.

[Aaliyah] That just made my heart jump.

-[chuckles]
-[Aaliyah] I feel the same way about you.

It's like, I'm so scared,

but then I don't feel like
I could do this with anybody else.

Yeah.

[Aaliyah] And it's like
it feels too good to be true.

It's just I feel like my fear is like...

[whimpers]

I'm just so scared.

I don't wanna get hurt.
You know what I mean?

Letting somebody in is really scary.

-So...
-[Uche] Yeah.

But I trust you with my heart.

I know that you'll at least be honest
and straightforward with me,

no matter what.

And, um...

-Yeah.
-That gives me peace, knowing that.

[Uche] So, speaking of trust and honesty,

um, there's something I have to tell you.

Okay.

[sniffles]

I haven't been completely honest with you.

Um... [sighs]

One of my dates on the first day...

[sighs] I walked into the pod...

[sniffles]

and...

it is a girl
that I have dated in the past.

And, um...

It's Lydia.

[pop music playing]

♪ I'm caught up in a crossfire ♪

♪ Yeah! ♪

♪ So I'm caught up in a crossfire ♪

♪ Yeah! ♪ [echoing]

♪ Can't you see what I've become? ♪