01x11 - Dinner for Two

[bunniefuu]

♪ H.R. Pufnstuf ♪

♪ Who's your friend
when things get rough ♪

♪ H.R. Pufnstuf ♪

♪ Can't do a little 'cause
he can't do enough ♪

♪ H.R. Pufnstuf ♪

♪ Who's your friend
when things get rough ♪

♪ H.R. Pufnstuf ♪

♪ Can't do a little 'cause
he can't do enough ♪

[cuckoo clock cooing & chiming]

- Hurry, hurry.

Grandfather told me to bring ya

to the clock shop right away.

- Did he say what for?

- I bet it has something to
do with the time machine.

- That's it!

Hurry, hurry.

Here they are,
Grandfather Clock.

I brought 'em, I brought 'em.

- Good work, [indistinct].

Hello boy, Pufnstuf.
[crowd laughs]

- [Both] Hi, Grandfather.

- Alarm Clock tells us
you have something special

in mind for Jimmy and Freddy.

- Right.

I fixed up the time machine
to take him back home.

- Home?

- Golly, that's great.

How you gonna do it?

- This time machine can make
time go forward or backward.

So I'm setting it for the day

before Jimmy came
to Living Island.

All they have to do is
get in and blast off,

and presto, they're back home.

- Wow, we're gonna go home!

Freddy, we're going home!

- Alright boys, into
the time machine.

Please hurry.

- But Pufnstuf, I
haven't had time

to say goodbye to where we were.

- I'll say goodbyes for you.

Quick Jimmy, before
the witch finds out.

Into the machine.

- Goodbye, Pufnstuf.

I'll never forget you.

Bye Cling, bye Clang.

And don't get into
any more trouble.

- All right, in you go, boy.

- I'm scared.

- Nothing to be scared of.

Just take a deep breath,

and you'll be home
in no time at all.

- Goodbye Jimmy, goodbye Freddy.

Have a good trip.

- Now back everybody.

All systems are go.

[machine beeping]
Blast off!

[uncertain music]

[tense music]

- You bore me.

Bore me!
[crowd laughs]

B-o-r-e, bore me.

[crowd laughs]
Bore, bore, bore.

♪ Who would think
to see this face ♪

♪ That I'm the loneliest
witch in town ♪

[crowd laughs]

♪ Who would think
such charm and grace ♪

♪ Could be the loneliest
witch in town ♪

[crowd laughs]

♪ I can't figure out what's
the matter with men ♪

♪ My phone hasn't
rung since 1910 ♪

[crowd laughs]
♪ Not even a wrong number ♪

♪ Every now and then ♪

♪ I'm the loneliest
witch in town ♪

♪ I'm so mad ♪

♪ That I could cry ♪
[crowd laughs]

♪ I'm the loneliest
witch in town ♪

♪ I'm so blue,
they call me sky ♪

♪ I'm loneliest witch in town ♪

♪ I've got a bunch of kisses
that are good as gold ♪

♪ I'd like to try one out ♪

♪ Before they start to mold ♪
[crowd laughs]

♪ Instead of catching
men, I just cold ♪

♪ I'm lonely ♪

[Witchiepoo sobs]

♪ Lonely ♪

♪ I'm so all a-lonely ♪

♪ I'm the lonesome-ist
witch in this here ♪

[crowd laughs]

♪ Town ♪

[crowd laughs]

- Look at her, we gotta do
something to cheer her up.

- Yeah, let's see what's
cooking on the image machine.

Oh my goodness.

Look at that!

Hey Witchiepoo, here's
some excitement for you.

They've got Jimmy in the time
machine at the clock shop.

- I couldn't care less.

But just to keep my hand in,

I'll try out my new
super dapple-dappled
dipsy doodle wand.

[crowd laughs]
- Ooh, that sounds like fun.

- [Seymour] Yeah, fun.

- Stand back, I think I'll
zap that time machine.

[crowd laughs]

Lizard's tail and serpent scale,

cause that time machine to fail.

[expl*si*n booms]

[islanders shouting]

- Great Caesar's
ghost, Witchiepoo,

that sure was a powerful zap.

[crowd laughs]
- Ho-hum.

Another day, another zap.

[crowd laughs]

[machine beeping]

[playful music]
[crowd laughs]

- What happened?

The machine made us old, Jimmy!

- Who's Jimmy?

And who are you?

- I'm Freddy.

- [scoffs] I'm going to
get me some fresh air.

[crowd laughs]

Smells like somebody
burnt the hot milk.

[crowd laughs]
Wonder who they are.

Oh well, whoever they are,

they sure picked a funny
place to take a nap.

[crowd laughs]
- Jimmy, wait!

Don't leave me.

Come back.

Help, Pufnstuf!

Wake up, wake up everybody!

Look at me!

I've turned into an old flute!

You've gotta help me, help!

- Oh.

Oh my.

Oh.

What happened?

- Help, help!

The time machine exploded.

- Look at him.

He's got white hair.

Freddy, jumping jellyfish,
what happened to you?

And where's Jimmy?

- The time machine blew up.

It turned Jimmy and
me into old men.

[crowd laughs]

- Good heavens, I
wonder what went wrong.

- Where did Jimmy go?

- He walked out, and he
didn't even remember me.

- Oh my, here,
here's the trouble.

Instead of going backwards, the
machine went ahead 60 years.

- 60 plus 12.

Golly, that makes
Jimmy 72 years old.

[crowd laughs]

- She sure went blowy.

[crowd laughs]

- You better start
fixing it fast.

Poor 72 year old Jimmy,
lost in the woods.

We've got to find him
before the witch does.

You stay here, Freddy.

Come on Cling and
Clang, let's go.

[uncertain music]

[unusual, comical music]

[crowd laughs]

- Hey there Witchiepoo,
you got a match?

- Yeah.

My life and your cigar.

[sniffs] They're both rotten.

[crowd laughs]

[cries] What a life.

No wonder I'm bored and unhappy.

Look who I've got to talk to.

[crowd laughs]

Mushrooms, spiders, vultures.

[crowd laughs]
- Oh my, oh my, oh.

[crowd laughs]

- It can't be!

It must be a mirage!

[crowd laughs]

No, it's true.

It's a man!

An honest to goodness live man!

[Witchiepoo shrieking]
[crowd laughs]

[Jimmy snoring]

At least I think he's alive.

[crowd laughs]

He is, he moved!

At last, my prince has come.

- Hello there, girly.

What's wrong, ya got
a bee in your bustle?

[Witchiepoo shriek-laughs]

- And he talks too!

Oh, this is too much.

My cup will run-eth over.

[crowd laughs]

Hi, good looking.

- Wish I could say the same.

Is that your nose, or
you eating a banana?

[crowd laughs]
[Witchiepoo shriek-laughs]

- And with a sense of humor too.

How much can one woman ask for?

By the way, my dear prince,

what's a real fun
fella like you doing

in the forest like this anyway?

- Don't rightly know.

I'm a stranger here myself.

- A stranger, eh?

Well, welcome stranger.

[crowd laughs]

How'dya like to
come up to my place

for a little din-din, and um,

quickie-poo?

[crowd laughs]

- Well, if it's all
the same to you,

I'd rather have some
hot milk and cookies.

[Witchiepoo shriek-laughs]
[crowd laughs]

- "Hot milk and cookies."

Oh, you're a riot.

You and I are gonna have
a lot of laughs together.

[body bangs]
[crowd laughs]

Oh, sorry about that, Prince.

My castle awaits.

- Jimmy!

Jimmy!

- What's up, Mayor?

- We're looking for Jimmy.

Did you see him?

- No, but I saw an old
fella with a white beard go

through here a while back.

- Willickers, that
must be Jimmy.

He's turned into
an old man of 72.

- You call that old?

I'm 590 myself.

Give or take a
[crowd laughs]

century or two.

- Come on Cling and
Clang, we have to hurry.

Bye, Old Tree.

Jimmy!

- 72. [guffaws]

When I was 72, my parents
called me a tree-nager.

[crowd laughs]
[Old Tree laughs]

- I don't know what
she sees in him.

- Let's throw the
old geezer out.

- Right, save her the trouble.

- [shouts] You touch one
little white hair on his head,

and I'll clobber you.

[crowd laughs]
- But we were doing it

for your own good.

- You're just jealous.

I know what's good for me.

And there he is, my dream
prince, and he's mine.

All mine.
[crowd laughs]

[Jimmy snoring]

Now we're gonna have a
nice cozy little chat.

Did you enjoy your
little nap, handsome?

[Jimmy groaning]

You know something?

I'd even give up
being a witch for you.

I'll be just a plain housewife.

Cleaning, and cooking,
and scrubbing,

and all that fun stuff.

And you can be the
man of the house.

[crowd laughs]

And you know what to prove it?

I would even marry you.

[crowd laughs]

I said we could get married!

[Jimmy groaning and snoring]

Can you marry me?

- Mm.

- He will!

You heard it, you heard it!

He's going to marry me!

I'm gonna become a bride!

Listen to me world!

I'm getting married.

Me, the witch that was
is going to become Mrs,

say, what'd you
say your name was?

Prince Charming?

[crowd laughs]

Okay, then I'll
be Mrs. Charming.

[crowd laughs]

Ring the bells, b*at the drums,
and let the good times roll.

- Jimmy.

Jimmy.

Excuse me Society Tree,
but have you seen Jimmy?

- Frightfully sorry Mr. Mayor,

but I've been so busy getting
ready for the wedding,

I really hadn't noticed anyone.

- Excuse me, what wedding?

- Say, you are out
of touch, aren't you?

Why the witch's
wedding, of course.

- The witch is getting married?

That's odd.

- Not as odd as the
old man she's married.

[crowd laughs]

- Wait a minute.

What old man?

- Oh, some old codger who
was just wandering by.

[crowd laughs]
If you ask me, Mayor-

- Jimmy!

That old man must be Jimmy.

Excuse me, we have to run.

Come on, Cling and Clang.

We have to get into the
castle and save Jimmy

before the witch marries him.

Oh, this is terrible awful,
[odd, whimsical music]

to the castle, come on.

[Witchiepoo humming]

[crowd laughs]

[objects clattering]

- And now to get
on my wedding gown.

[Witchiepoo giggles]
[crowd laughs]

[comical, regal music]

- Hey, I appreciate
your spiffing me up
like this, kitties,

but what's it all for?

- Oh, you're going to a wedding.

- A wedding?

[laughs] I love weddings.

Music, dancing, lots of
hot milk and cookies.

[crowd laughs]
But say boys,

who's getting hitched?

- [Seymour] You are.

[crowd laughs]

- Me?

No kidding. [laughs]

[indistinct]
[bone cracking]

Oh.
[crowd laughs]

Who am I marrying?

- [Witchiepoo] Orson, help
me with my wedding dress!

- Does that answer
your question?

- Orson, Seymour, I [gasps],

[crowd laughs]
stop,

don't look, pretty-witty.

It's bad luck to see you
bride before the ceremony.

Close your eyes.

[crowd laughs]

- They're closed.

- Come on you two, help me.

[gasps] See you in a
jiffy, princey-wincey.

[comical music]
[crowd laughs]

[tense music]

- Guards?

Oh guards?

Guards?

Oh guards?

Come a little closer fellas.

Come on.

Hi there.

Now, as mayor of Living Island,

I bring official greetings
to the witch on her wedding,

and a gift of two
magnificent pies.

Your suspicious, eh?

[crowd laughs]
Well here,

would you like to see
them for your self?

[giggles] Cling and
Clang, show 'em the pies.

[mischievous music]

[crowd laughs]

Good boys, you did
that easy as pie.

Come on, let's go
into the castle.

Shh, quiet boys.

[uncertain, tense music]

[Jimmy snoring]

Jimmy.

Jimmy, wake up.

It's Pufnstuf, your friend.

- I don't have any friends.

I'm a lonesome old man.

That's why I'm getting married.

- Jimmy, you don't
know what you're doing.

That's the witch
you're marrying.

- At my age, sonny, you
can't be particular.

I'm 72, ya know.

[crowd laughs]
- I know, I know.

I'm H.R. Pufnstuf, the mayor.

Don't you remember me, Jimmy?

- Jimmy?

My name is Charming.

Prince Charming.

[crowd laughs]

- Look, don't you
remember Cling and Clang?

- Cling and Clang?

Say, that rings a bell.

I seem to remember them
way back when I was a kid.

- That's it, Jimmy, come on.

You can remember.

Think!

- It's hard to think
when you're old

as I am.
[crowd laughs]

- Jimmy listen, you're
not 72 years old.

You're a little
boy, you're only 12.

- 12?

How can I be 12?

I'm supposed to marry
that old turkey in there.

[crowd laughs]

- Come on Jimmy, we have
to get you out of here.

Hurry before the
witch gets back.

- Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

She promised me hot
milk and cookies.

[crowd laughs]

- We'll get you all you could
eat, but you've got to hurry.

Come on!

[comical, whimsical music]
[crowd laughs]

[coquettish music]
[crowd laughs]

- I'm so beautiful, so
divine, so gorgeous.

[Witchiepoo giggles]
[crowd laughs]

How come I can't
get a younger man?

Oh well, who cares?

Beggars can't be choosy.

Orson, my veil.

- What a bride, she
sure is gorgeous.

- Gorgeous isn't
the word for it.

She's stunning,

absolutely stunning.
[crowd laughs]

- You got it on
backwards, you pin-head!

[crowd laughs]

There.

How does that look?

[mirror shatters]
[crowd laughs]

Another seven years bad luck.

Oh, but who cares?

Let's go see if my
prince charming is ready.

[crowd laughs]

Make way for the bride.

[comical sweet music]
[crowd laughs]

Oh prince.

Oh princey.

Oh princey, I'm here.

Your beautiful bride is here.

- Witchiepoo, he's gone.

Your prince is gone.

- What, what?

Can't be.

Maybe he slipped off the seat,
and fell under the chair.

[crowd laughs]
Look, look.

Prince, prince, come
out wherever you're are.

Here, prince.

- Good heavens, I
don't believe it.

- Here fella, come out
my little old love puppy.

[crowd laughs]
- Look Witchiepoo, look!

There they are.

Pufnstuf is dragging
him through the forest.

- Lemme see!

[gasps] You're right.

They're stealing my prince!

My bride-groom, my love bug.

[crowd laughs]
Quick, after them!

My lover, my lover!

[cuckoo clock cooing]

- Hurry Grandfather,
the witch is after him.

- I've got the machine fixed.

Let's get him in.

Hurry, hurry.

- You've got to get it
back to being 12 years old.

- Well, I'll try.

- Hello, old pal.

Boy, am I glad to see you.

- Say, you must be Freddy.

I remember you, you old flute.

[crowd laughs]
- Hurry.

No time for that now, in you go.

- Is this where you keep
the hot milk and cookies?

[crowd laughs]
- That'll all come later.

Now have a seat and relax.

Lots of luck, fellas.

Okay Grandfather,
it's all yours.

Start the time machine anytime.

- Well, here we go.

I hope it works.

Switch on,

contact, blast off!
[machine beeping]

[comical, playful music]
- My prince, my prince!

[crowd laughs]

- Oh, make it work.

Please make it work.

- It's working, but I don't
know how it'll come out.

[machine whirring]

- Terrific Grandfather, the
machine worked, you did it.

Hi, Jimmy.

Ooh-wee, that time
machine was terrific.

Hi Jimmy, hi Freddy,
good to see you.

- Hi Pufnstuf.

What happened?

I feel as though I've
had a crazy dream.

- It was crazy all right.

You'll never believe what,
[bell ringing]

alarm, alarm!

The witch is coming,
the witch is coming!

- The witch?!

- Quick everybody, hide.

Hide, everybody, hurry.

- Hold it!

Hold it, all you
prince grabbers!

[crowd laughs]
Tell me where he is

or I'll blast you!

Now, where's my old man?

What have you done with him?
[crowd laughs]

- I'm the only old man here.

- You're not the
one, you old fogey.

What have you done
with my prince?

You're hiding him.

- There's no prince here.

- You be quiet, you little runt.

You look like,

nah, it couldn't be.

[crowd laughs]

- There's no old man here.

So why don't you
just leave us alone?

- Don't give me orders,
you bumpy alligator.

You're trying to hide him.

Is this where you've
got him stashed?

[Witchiepoo snickers]
[spring boinging]

[crowd laughs]
- Quick, close it,

quick quick!
[Witchiepoo screams]

Quick, lock her up!

- Turn on the machine!

Quick, Grandfather!

- Right, but I don't
know what'll happen.

[Witchiepoo screaming]
[machine beeping]

- Gosh, which way will
the time machine work?

Forward or backward?

- I don't know, I didn't
have time to test it.

- Something better happen,

or she'll come out
and destroy us all.

- The machine's opening.

- Here she comes,

get ready to run.
[Witchiepoo cackling]

Look, the machine went
backwards in time.

- I want my mommy!

[crowd laughs]

[Witchiepoo babbling]

[crowd laughs]

I wanta my mommy!

[crowd laughs]

[group laughing]

[upbeat theme music]

♪ You got someone
who loves you ♪

♪ You got someone who cares ♪

♪ You got someone
who picks you up ♪

♪ Whenever you need a repair ♪

♪ You got someone
who'll take the time ♪

♪ To listen to your prayers ♪

♪ I've got, you've
got, everybody do got ♪

♪ Someone who cares
by the name of ♪

♪ H.R. Pufnstuf ♪

♪ Where you go when
things get rough ♪

♪ H.R. Pufnstuf ♪

♪ He can't do a little,
'cause he can't do enough ♪

[jamming, cheerful music]

♪ Woo, I got, you got,
everybody do got ♪

♪ Someone who cares
by the name of ♪

♪ H.R. Pufnstuf ♪

♪ Where'd you go when
things get rough ♪

♪ H.R. Pufnstuf ♪

♪ Well he can't do a little,
'cause he can't do enough ♪

[crowd clapping]

- See you next week!

- Keep those cards
and letters coming.

[cheerful music]