♪ H.R. Pufnstuf ♪
♪ Who's your friend
when things get rough ♪
♪ H.R. Pufnstuf ♪
♪ Can't do a little 'cause
he can't do enough ♪
♪ Once upon a summertime ♪
♪ Just a dream from yesterday ♪
♪ A boy and his
magic golden flute ♪
♪ Heard a boat
from off the bay ♪
♪ Come and play with me, Jimmy ♪
♪ Come and play with me ♪
♪ And I will take
you on a trip ♪
♪ Far across the sea ♪
♪ But the boat belonged
to a kooky old witch ♪
♪ Who had in mind
the flute to snitch ♪
♪ From her broom
broom in the sky ♪
♪ She watched her
plans materialize ♪
♪ She waved her wand ♪
♪ The beautiful boat was gone ♪
♪ The skies grew dark,
the sea grew rough ♪
♪ And the boat sailed on ♪
♪ And on, and on, and
on, and on, and on ♪
♪ But Pufnstuf
was watching too ♪
♪ And knew exactly what to do ♪
♪ He saw the witch's
boat att*ck ♪
♪ And as the boy
was fighting back ♪
♪ He called his
rescue racer crew ♪
♪ As often they'd rehearsed ♪
♪ And off to save
the boy they flew ♪
♪ But who would
get there first ♪
♪ But now the boy
had washed ashore ♪
♪ Puf arrived to save the day ♪
♪ Which made the witch
so mad and sore ♪
♪ She shook her fist
and screamed away ♪
♪ H.R. Pufnstuf ♪
♪ Who's your friend
when things get rough ♪
♪ H.R. Pufnstuf ♪
♪ Can't do a little 'cause
he can't do enough ♪
♪ H.R. Pufnstuf ♪
♪ Who's your friend
when things get rough ♪
♪ H.R. Pufnstuf ♪
♪ Can't do a little 'cause
he can't do enough ♪
[pleasant music]
- Oh dear movie star,
how do I love thee?
Let me count the ways.
Oh, speak to me, my
beautiful one, speak to me.
- Okay, ya bum, get to work!
- What did you do that for?
Couldn't you see I
was only play acting?
- Play acting?
How about acting like a horse,
and doing some work around here.
- Work?
There's more to life
than just working.
To arms, to arms, the
spiders are coming,
the spiders are coming, to arms.
- Stop already, you ding-a-ling.
Those aren't spiders,
they're customers.
[audience laughs]
Ah, the mayor and young Jimmy.
Greetings, what
can I do for you?
- Hi, Ludicrous.
Have you got a mustache?
- What do you think this
is, frozen spaghetti?
[audience laughs]
- No, he means have you
got a mustache I can buy?
I need it for the part
we're doing in our movie.
- Movie, what movie,
where movie, who's movie?
- Will you be quiet?
[nose honking]
These are cash customers.
Now you say you
wanna buy a mustache.
Well, here's a beauty.
A lovely, wonderful, double
frazz-a-mazz-a-razz-a-tazz.
Here, try it on.
So, you're making a movie, eh?
- That's right, it's
to raise buttons
for our get rid
of the witch fund.
[audience laughs]
- It's gonna be terrific.
The famous director Akim
Toadenoff is filming it for us.
How does this look?
- Fantastic, and what's more,
it's guaranteed to stay on
during all the smooching scenes.
[audience laughs]
[Ludicrous laughs]
- You know, Ludicrous,
we still need one more
actor for the movie.
- An actor, an actor?
I'm an actor.
[audience laughs]
- Hold it, Horse.
[nose honks]
- How about it, Ludicrous?
Why don't you take the part?
- Me, an actor?
Never.
- It'll pay quite a few buttons.
- Quite a few buttons, eh?
Well, let me see.
To arms, to arms, the
spiders are coming,
the spiders are coming, to arms.
- Wait a minute,
those are my lines.
I'm an actor, I'm an actor!
- Good, then act like
you're watching the store.
Come, my fellow thespians.
We must not keep our
director waiting.
- Get the lights ready,
check the wardrobe,
place the props, busy,
busy, busy, busy.
- Excuse me, Mr. Toadenoff,
but I'd like to thank you
for directing our movie.
- I'm a very busy man.
All right, go ahead, thank
me, I'm waiting, thank me!
- Well, I'd like, I'd like-
- Enough, let's
not get sickening!
[audience laughs]
Ready on the set!
Call out my number one
star, Shirlee Pufnstuf.
- Miss Pufnstuf
wanted on the set.
[audience laughs]
♪ Tra, la, la, la, la ♪
Oh, thank you.
Oh, you sweet, friendly people.
How nice of you to adore me.
Hi, brother, hi, Jimmy.
- Here he is, Mr. Toadenoff.
I'd like to present
Mr. Ludicrous Lion.
- I'm your man, Toady old boy.
[audience laughs]
- Toady?
You call Toadenoff
the Great Toady?
No one calls me Toady!
- No one calls him Toady.
- You, Ludicrous, when
the sheriff yells,
"Deputy, grab that varmint,"
you run in and grab
him, grab, understand?
- I'll grab, don't
you worry now, Toady.
[audience laughs]
- Don't call me Toady!
Already I can't stand you,
and you haven't even acted yet.
[audience laughs]
Quiet on the set!
Places, everyone,
camera, action!
[pleasant music]
[audience laughs]
- Howdy, Sweet Sue.
- Black Bart!
But you're supposed
to be in jail.
- I reckon there ain't no jail
strong enough to
hold Black Bart.
[audience laughs]
- The sheriff will come
a-looking for you, you bad man.
- And there ain't no
sheriff can hold me, either.
- [Sweet Sue] How come
no sheriff can hold you?
- 'Cause when I grease my boots,
I grease the rest of me too.
[audience laughs]
Of course, I slip
off my horse a lot.
[audience laughs]
I've got a hankering
for you, Sweet Sue.
You and me are
riding out together.
- Hold it right
there, Black Bart.
- Oh, thank goodness.
It's the sheriff.
- Black Bart, you're under
arrest for jail bustin',
horsenappin', and cow punchin'.
- I never punched
a cow in my life.
[audience laughs]
I might've pushed one once,
but I didn't punch him.
[audience laughs]
- A likely story.
You're coming along
with me, Black Bart.
- Oh my!
- Hold it, Sheriff.
This town ain't big enough
for the three of us.
- Oh my.
- So the two of us are
gettin' out, so stand back,
or she's a goner.
- Deputy, Deputy,
grab that varmint.
- I'm coming, I'm coming.
Got you, varmint.
You'll never get away.
- I'm not the varmint, he is.
Ludicrous, you're
supposed to grab Jimmy.
- Oh, really?
Hard to tell one
varmint from the other.
[audience laughs]
Okay, okay, okay.
I've gotcha, you varmints
are under arrest.
[audience laughs]
- I'm not a varmint,
I'm the star, hmph.
- Cut!
Cut, this is terrible!
I've never seen anything
so terrible in my life.
You're not Ludicrous,
you're ridiculous!
[audience laughs]
You've ruined the whole scene!
You are terrible.
This script is terrible.
Even I'm terrible, and
when I'm terrible, I quit!
[audience laughs]
- No, no, Mr. Toadenoff,
please don't quit.
- That's right, Toady.
It's for a good cause.
- I got a better cause, me.
I am through,
finished, washed up.
No more picture,
everyone go home!
[audience laughs]
- Gosh, Mr. Toadenoff,
it's not your fault
Ludicrous ruined the scene.
Maybe we can find another actor.
- Not only do we need another
actor, we need another story,
a new script, something
fresh, different.
Let me think, I need a new idea.
[audience laughs]
- Hi, Ludicrous.
Goofed it, didn't ya?
- What are you doing here,
you four-footed fathead?
I told you to wait at the wagon.
Get back to work.
[Horse crying]
[audience laughs]
- Oh, why?
Why don't you leave me alone?
Why are you always
picking on me?
All I ever do is
work, work, work!
Why, oh why, why did
I ever leave Wyoming?
[audience laughs]
[Horse crying]
- Wait, cut, a dramatic horse!
Toadenoff the Great just
had a sensational idea.
I am going to make an
all new western movie.
The horse gets the girl!
[audience laughs]
- The horse gets the girl?
Terrific!
[all cheering]
- Gosh, me, Horse?
I'm really gonna be a star?
- What kind of a name is
that for a movie star, Horse?
From now on, your name
will be Pierpont Pony.
- Terrific, hooray!
[all cheering]
- Pierpont Pony?
I'll k*ll him, oh no.
[audience laughs]
[dramatic music]
- Oh, let me go, Black Bart.
Please let me go, pretty
please, pretty please?
- Well ma'am,
you're right pretty,
and I'd like to please ya,
but I'm a bad guy.
- Yahoo!
- I'm really bad.
- Gotcha, Black Bart.
Now, don't move.
I gotcha covered.
- Oh, thank heavens.
My hero, you saved me.
- Just call me the
fastest hoof in the West.
[audience laughs]
[Horse whinnies]
- Witchiepoo, Witchiepoo,
get up, get up.
Ooh, wake up, get
up I say, get up!
- What happened?
Where's the fire,
where is everybody?
- They're making
a movie, a movie!
- I can't hear a
word you're saying.
Speak up, speak up!
- They're making a movie!
[audience laughs]
- Oh you overgrown duck!
You almost busted my eardrums.
- But you said speak up.
- I heard you, you ding-a-ling.
You said they were
making a movie.
Ah, a movie?
[audience laughs]
Oh dear, and without me?
How dare they?
The island's greatest
living actress.
How dare they, oh!
[audience laughs]
[Witchiepoo grunting]
Next time, open the
door for a lady!
[audience laughs]
- All right, quiet.
We sh**t big musical number.
Places, please.
Stop the makeup, enough, enough.
We are all ready on the set.
- Mr. Director, you haven't
asked me if I'm ready yet.
[audience laughs]
- Excuse me, Pierpoint.
Are you ready?
- No, I'm not ready yet.
[audience laughs]
I want a drink of water.
- Well, go get it.
- A star does not
get his own water.
[audience laughs]
I want that funny-looking
lion over there to get it.
- What, me bring you
a glass of water?
- You, Lion, bring
him the water.
You're holding up production.
- Why, I'll clobber him,
I'll sock it to him.
- Now Ludicrous, remember,
it's for our anti-witch fund.
- That's right.
- Okay, okay.
I'll do it for the fund,
but when I get that
nag home, mm, pow!
[audience laughs]
- Hurry, we have
a picture to make.
I have to make him a star.
[audience laughs]
- Here.
- Thanks, my good man.
No autographs, please.
Well, I'm ready now, Mac.
- Mac?
The name is Toadenoff!
All right, everyone,
quiet, quiet!
Ready on the set,
places everyone!
[audience laughs]
Action!
[gentle guitar music]
♪ Oh I may not look
it, but I'm the best ♪
♪ The fastest hoof in
the whole darn West ♪
♪ I got no lasso,
or a g*n to twirl ♪
♪ Still I'm the horse that
always gets the girl ♪
♪ Yodel-Odel-Lay-Hee,
oh-ho-ho-ho-ho ♪
[audience laughs]
- Good, great, print!
- It's Toadenoff the Great!
What luck, he'd be perfect
to direct my movie.
[audience laughs]
- Your movie?
What movie is that?
- This movie, you newt-nose.
[audience laughs]
It's the story of my life.
I finished writing
it last night.
What a fabulous
picture it would make.
It'd be outta sight, real gone.
[audience laughs]
- Yeah, you could call
it "Gone with the Witch."
- Will you shut up, you dummy?
[audience laughs]
If that's not the most,
"Gone with the Witch."
That's it, great,
that's the title.
Seymour, you did
it again, shake!
- Right chiefy, grab a hand.
[audience laughs]
- But Witchiepoo,
Toadenoff is all tied up.
How can he do your movie
when he's making one
for the good guys?
[Witchiepoo cackles]
[audience laughs]
- I'll soon fix that.
Hanny, zanny, and triply whammy,
evil spirits do take off.
Bring me the camera,
and Toadenoff!
[magic poofs]
- Now, move the camera.
[magic poofs]
[audience laughs]
- Where's Toadenoff?
[magic poofs]
- Wait, what, where?
What happened, where am I?
- It's so nice of you
to drop in, Toady.
It just so happens I
have a screen story here
I want you to make.
- What story, who are you?
How did I get here?
- I brought you here.
You're going to film my life
story, "Gone with the Witch."
[audience laughs]
- "Gone with the," wait a
minute, you're the witch.
- I ain't Mary Poppins.
[audience laughs]
[Witchiepoo cackles]
My dear man, you
happen to be looking
at the greatest acting
talent you will ever direct.
- I don't understand.
How did I get here?
What happened to
Horse, and Shirlee?
- Forget those amateurs.
You got me, and I got
you, haven't I, my pet?
[audience laughs]
- But how?
- I'll show you how!
Place your camera there,
your lights there,
and a star is born.
[audience laughs]
[upbeat music]
[plucky music]
- Oh my goodness, what happened?
- Where's Toadenoff?
- Where's our director?
- Where's my director?
- Where's my director?
- Camera's gone too,
and all the lights.
- I knew he was a phony the
moment I laid eyes on him.
Disappearing without a word.
- Disappearing, that's it!
The witch must've cast a spell.
- You're right, Jimmy.
I bet she stole our director
to make her own movie.
- Toadenoff, my director, gone.
- Your director?
He's my director,
mine, do you hear?
- There's no time for arguing,
Toadenoff's in trouble.
We've gotta do something.
- Okay, partners.
We'll saddle up
and form a posse.
Follow me, men.
[audience laughs]
- Wait a minute, Horse.
This isn't a movie.
This is real life,
and dangerous.
- Dangerous?
Okay men, follow him.
- Come on, Puf, do
your thing, let's go!
- Hurry fellas, hurry,
we have to save him.
- Some hero you are, letting
them rescue Toadenoff.
You're not a hero,
you're a coward.
- Oh yeah?
Them's fighting words.
I'll show ya.
Follow me, ma'am.
We'll round up them varmints.
They want thattaway, charge!
[audience laughs]
[eerie music]
[horn honking]
[bell clanging]
- Toadenoff is ready.
What scene are you doing?
- The most romantic
scene out of my life.
It's going to tear you apart.
- All right, do it already.
You two schlemiels, step back.
Quiet on the set, camera ready.
Lights, action!
- You ask me to help you, ha!
That's a laugh.
You, you threw me out into
the cold, cold graveyard.
[audience laughs]
And told me to go
home to myself.
You, who threw me out
into the underworld,
without a wand to witch with.
- Good, marvelous, great!
Ugh, terrible.
I think I will k*ll myself.
[audience laughs]
- Who did I have to turn to?
No one.
- Good, cut, print it.
- Cut, no one tells me to cut!
How'd you like to get zapped?
[audience laughs]
- Darling [chuckles]
my cheese blinchiki,
who said cut?
I said cute, cute!
[audience laughs]
Go on, my little goulash.
Act, act!
[suspenseful music]
[audience laughs]
[Pufnstuf panting]
- We'll have to sneak in
this back door to the castle.
It's our only chance
to rescue Toadenoff.
- Okay.
Help me with this
door, it's heavy.
- Okay, I sure will.
There, got it, good.
- Yahoo, here I come!
Pierpont Pony to the rescue.
Follow me, men.
- Horsey, wait!
- He's gonna ruin our plan.
- Come on, after him!
[audience laughs]
- Where could I go?
Where could I go?
[audience laughs]
- Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut,
cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut.
I'll tell you where
you're going, ma'am.
Right to the clink.
I'mma taking you in.
- Who are you, you boob?
How dare you interrupt
our filming of "Gone
with the Witch?"
[audience laughs]
- Pierpont Pony, wait a minute!
Toadenoff has got
a sensational idea.
We make new picture,
"Horse Gets Witch."
[audience laughs]
- There'll be no
horses in my picture.
I'm going to zap him
into little pieces.
- Hold it, witch!
- You can't zap that horse.
As mayor, I'll report you
to the animal shelter.
[audience laughs]
- Stand back!
Stand back, I say!
Now, I've got the whole g*ng,
I'm going to zap you all.
I'm going to pulverize you!
- Hold it, hold it!
Witch, I love you
when you're so angry.
[audience laughs]
Such fire, such sparks!
Quick, don't lose the
mood, let's sh**t it.
- Oh, really, you like that?
Was I good?
- Sensational!
[audience laughs]
I must get it on film.
But no props, put the wand down.
Nothing but pure emotion.
Hurry, while you're
still in the mood.
[audience laughs]
The wand, get it.
Action.
Camera!
- Stand back, all
of you, do you hear?
Or I shall zap you.
I will not tolerate any nonsense
from goody two-shoes
such as you.
I am the witch, and you're
trash, trash, lowly trash.
- Oh, Witchiepoo, look!
- Stop, how dare you!
My wand, he swallowed my wand!
- Golly willikers.
- It was all a trick.
Orson, Seymour, bring
my other wand, hurry!
- Quick, everyone,
let's get out of here!
- We'll never make it!
- Horse, zap her.
Whoever has the
wand has the power.
- Even if it's in my stomach?
[audience laughs]
- Give me back my wand!
- Horse, it's our only
chance, zap her, zap her!
- Stand back, or I'll zap you.
- You wouldn't dare!
- Freeze!
[magic whirs]
[audience laughs]
- Horse, you zapped
her, you did it!
- Golly, Horse.
You got the witch's power.
- Witchiepoo, we couldn't
find your other wand.
- Too late, partners.
You're a-heading for that
big spiderweb in the sky.
[audience laughs]
Zap.
[magic whirs]
[audience laughs]
- [Pufnstuf] They're zapped.
- Toadenoff, did you
get all this on camera?
- What for?
A corny trick like
that, who'd believe it?
- Roll them cameras, partner.
This is Pierpont Pony,
your star, talking.
Zap!
[magic whirs]
- Hey, we're rolling,
we're rolling!
Ready, action, camera!
- Now Horse, enough
of this play acting.
- Right, we've gotta
get out of here!
- Nothin' doin'.
I'm the first witch
horse in history.
Keep those cameras rolling.
Pierpont Pony
rides again, yahoo!
[audience laughs]
- Come on, let's get outta here.
[magic whirring]
[Pufnstuf yelps]
[magic whirring]
Whoa!
[glass tinkles]
Run for it, Jimmy!
[magic whirring]
[audience laughs]
♪ You got someone
who loves you ♪
♪ You got someone who cares ♪
♪ And you got someone
who'll fix you up ♪
♪ If ever you need repairs ♪
♪ You got someone
who'll take the time ♪
♪ To listen to your prayers ♪
♪ I got, you got,
everybody do got ♪
♪ Someone who cares ♪
♪ By the name of H.R. Pufnstuf ♪
♪ Where to go when
things get rough ♪
♪ H.R. Pufnstuf ♪
♪ He can't do a little
'cause he can't do enough ♪
♪ Woo, I got, you got,
everybody do got ♪
♪ Someone who cares ♪
♪ By the name of H.R. Pufnstuf ♪
♪ Where to go when
things get rough ♪
♪ H.R. Pufnstuf ♪
♪ Well, he can't do a little
'cause he can't do enough ♪
[audience applauds]
See you next week!
- Keep those cards
and letters coming.
[audience applauds]
[upbeat music]
01x16 - Whaddya Mean the Horse Gets the Girl?
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The adventures of a boy trapped in a fantastic land with a dragon friend and a witch enemy.
The adventures of a boy trapped in a fantastic land with a dragon friend and a witch enemy.