Night the World Ends, The (2024)

[bunniefuu]

The emergency alert

system has been activated

power outages across the

country are continuing...

I don't understand why everybody is so

obsessed with taking a

vacation at your dad's old cabin.

The place creeps me out.

It's like, how many

people are left in town?

Last time I checked the

census, it was like a dozen.

But think about it like we got the whole

cabin to ourselves, right?

And it's nostalgic.

There's a patio

there's a lake, there's a beach.

It's like you're going back in time.

So good to get off that g*dd*mn car.

How much longer are

you guys going to be?

I needed to go for hours.

You are not using this bathroom.

On every trip we go on, you take these

massive shits, go find

another one down the hall,

and leave us in peace.

Also, do you guys

have any pregnancy tests?

I think I'm late.

Uh-oh.

Geez.

God, where we are,

there's like nothing nearby.

Okay, so when Ted goes out, I will go

with him and grab some

pregnancy tests when I can.

Don't tell anybody else, especially Ted.

He will let Rick know in a heartbeat.

Does Ted ever talk to you about what

happened to his parents?

So sad.

Once or twice when he was really

hammered, but whenever I

ask him and he's sober,

he just changes the subject.

That's so sad.

Anyway, I'm going to go

to that other bathroom now.

Uh, guys, I guess we're out of a

couple things, so I'm going to have to go

to the store to get some.

So, Ted, how do we get down to the lake

so we can get this party started?

There's a trail out back.

Feel free.

Are there bears here?

Black bears, I think, but I've

never actually seen one.

What about Bigfoot?

Sure, buddy.

There's Bigfoot, too.

No, actually, I think I was like 11 and

we went on this hiking trip.

We experienced something.

It was like strange smells and weird

sounds, but I don't know

if it was actually Bigfoot.

Well, good thing you

have your dad's g*n here.

Did it smell like homeless people?

It didn't smell like

people at all, actually.

It was weird.

It smelled like a dead animal.

Actually, speaking of things that smell

bad, did you guys hear how many more

people became homeless after last year?

86 million.

Can you f*cking believe that?

Do you guys ever stop and

think about how lucky we are?

Just the fact that we can

go places and afford things?

Yeah, think about it all the time.

You think things will ever get better,

you know, with the economy?

My dad says it will.

Eventually.

Really?

My mom thinks it's going to get worse.

Especially with the w*r in Asia?

Maybe. One day.

At least this time we're

staying the f*ck out of that mess.

What I don't understand is why the hell

don't we just start

making things here again?

Your boyfriend's dad is the senator.

Ask him.

It costs too much.

People don't want to buy sh*t made here

when sh*t made elsewhere is,

you know, a quarter of the cost.

Yeah, but why not just tax the f*ck out

of imports so people

can have jobs again?

Anybody else lose their cell reception?

I haven't had signal for hours.

Mine stopped working

and drained the battery.

Same here.

Wait, so no one has cell reception?

That's weird.

I've never had trouble

with reception here before.

Don't sweat it.

I was kind of looking to just unwind and

disconnect for the week anyway.

Yeah, it sucks though.

Okay, um, I'm going to go to the store.

Does anybody need anything else?

Wait, I'm going to come with.

Everything okay?

No, um, my girlfriend and.

I, our car just broke down.

Out of gas?

No, um, I had it converted to an electric

motor a few years back.

When gas was like, $50 a gallon.

It just... lost all power.

I'd call for a tow, but...

I can't get any cell

reception around here.

Yeah, I noticed I lost cell reception

a couple hours back.

sh**t.

I was hoping to use your

guys' phone to call for a tow.

Sorry to bother you.

Hey, wait, um...

My family has a cabin

that's like 20 minutes away.

You guys are welcome to come

and use our landline there.

Seriously?

That would be amazing.

Yeah, and it'll probably take the tow a

couple hours to get out here still, so...

You're welcome to come

and chill with us.

We've got a beach and a lake house.

And I'll drive you guys back

out once the tow gets out here.

You guys are awesome.

Honey, come on!

I'm Miranda.

Hi, I'm Kristen.

Hi, I'm Will.

I'm Ted.

It's nice to meet all of you.

Thank you so much.

We've been stuck out here for hours.

You're literally the first

person we've seen all day.

Yeah, not a lot of people come out here

since the economy went to sh*t.

So, what brought you two out here?

Oh, we were just on a camping trip.

Yeah, a few nights by the lake.

So, are you guys in school?

I graduated recently.

Oxford, in England.

I'm still in school.

Med school, actually, at Harvard.

So, hopefully be doing

my residency next year.

You're a long way from home.

Alright, let's get you two to the phone.

Hi.

Who the hell are these two?

This is Kristen and Will.

Their car broke down, so we're trying to

help them call a tow truck.

Hey, I'm Pam.

Absolutely love your outfit.

What are you doing?

Wi-Fi and phones are down.

So, Doug, can you fix it?

Dude, I have no idea.

I think it's a down line or something.

Everything's connected.

I can't figure out what it is.

It's okay if you can't get it to work.

It was worth a try.

You know what?

I'll just drive you guys.

Yeah, if you don't

mind, that would be great.

I can give you some money.

Stop, stop.

It's fine.

Kristen, do you want to

stay here while they go?

It's up to you.

I'll drive you back to your car.

That way you don't have to worry about

sitting in a car for another two hours.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay, if it's not a problem.

Sweet.

Come on, I'll show you around.

Oh, Misty, this is Kristen and Will.

Their car broke down, so they're gonna

hang out here until they get it towed.

But in the meantime, could

you make us some margaritas?

I'll make the drinks.

You guys just relax.

Okay, sweet.

Come on, I'll show you around.

All right.

Oh, here's the map.

Awesome.

Here.

Will, let's go.

Oh, and by the way, if you get lost,

I circled the places with the

best bet to find a tow truck.

Closest is by that old grocery store that

we stopped by on the way here.

Okay.

This place is gorgeous.

Thanks so much, you

know, for showing me

around and for the drink.

I really appreciate it.

Not a problem.

I'm just glad we're all drinking now

rather than driving.

Where are Misty and Rick?

And Kristen, would you like a glass of

water with your drink?

Yeah, yeah, sure.

They went up to the room for some alone

time after they unpacked.

So, Kristen, how did you and Will meet?

Oh, we met through a friend actually.

We met at a party.

And okay, there was this guy and he was

really bothering me.

He was really getting on my nerves.

And Will came and he

just took care of him.

So, I don't know.

We just hit it off from there ever since.

And how long have you been together?

About a year.

What about you guys?

Well, Ted's my bitch.

He's been in love with

me since high school,

following me around

like a sad little puppy.

And maybe two years

ago, I finally let him

take advantage of me.

Wouldn't say we're exclusive though.

I just tolerate him.

What she means to say is that Ted thinks

they're in a monogamous relationship.

Shut up!

You make me sound like I'm a.

No, I don't.

But Ted was dating

Rachel for three years

that night you seduced him.

And that poor girl was

devastated that he chose you over her.

Pretty sure she slit her wrist and ended

up in the ER after that.

Yeah, he's not kidding.

Ted loves Miranda.

Like, so much he would

drive a car off a cliff for her.

I have never seen a guy

as p*ssy whipped as Ted.

He's a good friend with benefits.

Well, he sounds like a good guy.

He is.

Maybe even one day I'll let

him put a ring on my finger.

How about you two?

We haven't really talked about marriage.

We're just taking

things one day at a time.

Yeah, my sister got

married six years ago.

Her husband went out

drinking every night.

One day, got suspicious,

followed him to a cheap, sleazy motel.

Found him sleeping with another guy.

Divorced now.

Marriage isn't all

it's crapped out to be.

It is with the right person.

Ok, I'll drink to that.

Doug and I have only been

dating for about a year.

We've had our

differences, our ups and downs,

but at the end of the day, I'd say we

complete each other.

We've talked about marriage and kids,

but we kind of want to

wait until things get...

Better.

Yeah.

That's understandable.

I mean, it's horrible how

things have become, you know?

Right?

You'd think with all the

empty buildings and houses,

they'd do something.

Yeah.

Like, give people a place to sleep.

No, like give them money,

so they can pay rent to

people like my parents,

who have dozens of properties.

And if not that, then place

them where we can't see then.

It's scary when they come up to the car.

Bangin' on the windows.

Screaming for food.

Someone should tell.

Rick's dad to put them in camps

with like, cots and barbed wire.

As you can see, she kind of

gets diarrhea of the mouth

when she has a drink in her.

I say it as I see it.

Have you guys seen Ted's dad's journal?

Look at this.

It says "Property of the CIA" on it.

It's got some really

interesting stuff in here.

You should not be reading that.

Like, look.

He was super into ancient Egypt.

It talks about the myth of the

destruction of humanity.

Apparently, the god Ra became upset

when the people rebelled against him,

and so he unleashed

something called the.

Eye of Ra on humanity.

It k*lled almost everybody,

but then he had a change of

heart and let some people live.

And here, there was a

mass extinction event

in North America in 10,000 B.C.

Thousands of woolly

mammoths and crushed trees

all found inland, like a giant tidal wave

carried them in and buried them there.

It was instant death.

Every human and horse

in North America

d*ed around the same

time, too, and camels.

Did you know camels

came from North America?

Hey, where's the bathroom?

Go inside.

Pass the bedroom I

showed you to the left.

Can I help you?

Uh, sorry.

I was looking for the bathroom and I

opened the wrong door.

That was embarrassing.

No, it was f*cking weird.

And she was standing

there for who knows

how long just watching us.

Makes me harder just thinking about it.

You should have let her keep watching.

f*cking weirdo.

Now continue.

You found the bathroom okay?

Yeah, but uh, oh I accidentally walked

into Rick and Misty's room.

You're probably gonna need

another drink after seeing that.

I feel awful.

They're probably so embarrassed.

They'll get over it.

Hey, you want to go down to the lake?

Yeah, yeah, we could check out.

Yeah.

Doug?

Doug!

We're gonna head down to the lake.

We'll make lunch when we get back?

Yeah, that sounds good.

Hey.

Hey.

Hi, my car broke down.

Is there a tow truck or anything around?

Well, the old auto

shop closed up last year.

Is there a gas station nearby maybe?

There's one down the road, but it's only,

it's an automated only

and credit card only.

And they don't employ

anyone and just sell gas.

Your best bet is a tow truck

that's like three hours away,

but you'll have to call them and they

could send a tow truck

to wherever your car is.

Do you have a phone we could use?

No, but there's an old resort town about

an hour north from here.

That's your best bet.

That's where we came from.

Didn't see anybody the

whole time we were there,

and all the shops are closed.

- Can I see that map?

- Yeah.

All right, like right about here,

there should be an older prep per fella.

He should have a phone.

Okay, great, thanks for your help.

We'll check it out.

I love you.

What was up with that girl earlier?

I wouldn't worry about it,

she was probably just lost.

That was f*cking creepy.

She's here for who

knows how much longer.

Don't worry about it.

She probably just thought you...

It's not just that,

I have to talk to you

about something too.

It's probably nothing.

What?

I'm late.

And you've been on birth control?

I wouldn't worry about it.

I think I forgot to take my pills

a couple days last month.

I don't know if that...

Why do you have to

throw this at me right now?

Well, when do you want me to tell you?

Like when you know for sure.

Like, you know if my dad finds out

that you're pregnant

and we're not married,

I'll lose my inheritance.

Come on, don't do that right now.

Well, what if I am pregnant?

Then we'll deal with it.

It's not just that.

What is it?

I don't know if it's yours.

Get the f*ck away from me.

Rick.

Get the f*ck away!

I love you.

Whose is it?

I'm not sure.

It's at that party I

went to with Miranda.

There were these three guys.

You had sex with three guys at once?

Yes, but Miranda was there too.

She talked me into it.

We were drunk.

Unfucking believable.

I can't believe I even

looked at wedding rings.

Oh, please, please don't do this.

Well, how the f*ck

do you want me to react?

Maybe like you're my best friend.

I got drunk, I made a mistake.

Let f*cking go of me.

Jesus Christ.

I need to go take a shower or something.

Oh, and by the way, I

f*cked Miranda two months ago.

There was a weird guy

we saw around the house earlier.

I think he lives up here.

Let's see if we can use his phone.

All these houses look abandoned.

You guys have done

so much for us already.

I'll go check it out.

You can just wait in the car.

You know, they say.

Bigfoot lives in these woods.

Yeah, you know, Will,

he thought he saw one.

He did?

Yeah, the other night we

thought we heard something.

So he got out and he like chased it.

But like, I don't know, it got away

and like who knows what it was.

Wow, I don't think I'd ever chase

something like that,

but at least it runs away.

Do you think we should

have invited Misty?

Nah, three's already a crowd.

Plus she took a giant

dump before we left.

Really smelled up the place.

I had to get out of

there after that stinker.

That is just like so funny.

Like honestly, like I don't

think I've ever met anybody

as upfront and honest as you guys.

We're family.

Well, it must be nice

to have friends like that.

I mean, not always.

Misty really pisses me off.

Like seriously, light a

match or spray some perfume.

If your shits are that massive.

So what are your

friends like in Boston?

I don't know.

To be honest, like really

nothing like you guys have here.

You know, I don't know, just like friends

from like med school and stuff.

And like we meet up, we

have drinks and whatnot,

talk about classes and who's hiring,

but I don't know, I'm just

too busy for anything else,

you know, other than Will

and just trying to survive.

So.

Well, you can consider us friends.

I know we just met, but I like you.

Okay, there's something we

want to show you up ahead.

Hello?

Anybody there?

Hello?

Oh my god, Kristin!

She's with...

Oh my god, Kristin!

So this is where Ted's mom did it.

Did what?

Took a shotgun and blew her brains out.

Oh my god. That's awful.

Happened years ago when he was a kid.

That's just so sad.

Ted's family owns all of this.

50 acres of lake and abandoned houses

when everybody left.

Yeah, you know, actually when we were

staying on the other side,

we kind of noticed that

houses were pretty empty.

Was there anyone camping with you?

No. No one. It was just us.

Maybe some bugs.

You know, years ago, it took months just

to reserve a campsite,

and now no one can even

afford to make the trip out here.

And everybody left and

it became a ghost town.

So, Kristin, what line

of medicine are you in?

Oh, I'm in pediatrics.

You know, it might be nice to set up a

practice in a small town like this.

Maybe not as small as this.

Yeah, maybe, but...

You know, Will and I were actually

thinking about moving.

Once I was done with school, of course,

but, you know, he works from home,

so it would work out.

And I actually think I just

kind of want to start a family,

because it's really hard to find a job.

What about your family in Boston?

Well, we're just not

really that close, honestly.

Like, my sisters live with my parents,

and we see each other

on, like, Christmas

and, like, Thanksgiving,

and that's it.

So, I guess I just thought I could.

Move away.

I've thought about that.

But what if we lost our jobs?

What if we became like

everyone else out there?

Stop, you're depressing me.

We are nothing like those people.

If you ask me, you have to focus on the

things you can control,

like the alcohol in your drinks,

and just be grateful for every damn

moment you're given.

I'll drink to that sh*t.

What happened?

I couldn't find anyone.

Do you want to wait for him?

No, I'm worried about Kristen

leaving her back at the cabin.

You guys have just done so much for us.

It's alright. We'll camp out and just

wait for the cell phone

service to work again.

Are you sure?

Yeah, let's just go. Please.

Okay, if you're sure.

This place creeps me out.

f*ck this weather.

So Kristen, tell us about

Will. What's he like?

Well, first, Misty, I'm

really sorry about earlier.

I did not mean to walk in on you two.

You probably could have kept watching.

Rick was kind of turned on by it.

No, I mean, I really didn't mean to.

See, I get this anxiety that washes over

me and I freeze up and I can't move.

Okay, that makes it a

little less weird then, I guess.

Yeah. So, what's he like?

Well, I mean, he's a good guy.

Yeah, I mean, he works hard.

I mean, I don't think

he's ever cheated on me.

At least, I don't see

him looking at other women.

Yeah, I don't think.

Doug's ever cheated on me.

I just wish he had a bigger d*ck.

Yeah, tell me about it.

What do you mean?

I mean, with Ted. He's

so sensitive about it.

Oh. I thought you were talking about

Doug. Like, you had

sex with him or something?

Anyway, Kristen, let's talk about Will.

What bothers you about him?

Um... I don't know. Um...

Maybe that he talks to himself.

Everyone talks to themselves.

This is different. You see, he talks to

himself like he is talking

directly to somebody else.

And he does it when he

doesn't think anybody's watching.

And he also has a history of

schizophrenia and

psychosis in his family.

So, you're worried he might

go bat sh*t bonkers one day.

No, not really. I don't

think that's gonna happen.

I don't think I've ever met anybody that

I really love and

respect as much as Will.

So sweet. Just give

it a few years, though.

Man, fudge this weather.

Is Ted not back yet?

Oh, not yet.

It's been like three hours.

Sure he'll be back. In the meantime,

let's get drunk and

have some alone time.

After you.

Anyway, um...

How are you enjoying the conversation

these fine ladies are providing?

It's unexpected. I can't say that I've

ever met anyone like

the six of you before.

So there's that. At

least we keep it interesting.

Yeah, you're definitely very open.

I'm just not used to it. Okay? But I

really, really like you guys.

That's so nice.

Oh, God. Oh, crap. I just

started feeling light-headed.

Do you have anything to eat

before you had that drink?

Yeah, no, it's not like an

alcoholic buzz. I don't know.

Everything seems brighter.

That's so weird. I felt like that a

little bit ago too, but

seems to be better now.

Maybe it was

something in that wine cooler.

Yeah, yeah, maybe.

Um, I'm gonna get up.

See if I can walk it off.

Hey, well, we're here

if you need anything.

Yeah. Okay, thank you.

f*ck.

f*ck!

Where's everyone?

Um, um, everybody's like drinking. I

don't know. Maybe

check the bedrooms or outside?

Hey, honey, are you okay?

Yeah. I just had a few drinks earlier and

like, my head started feeling funny and I

had to go walk around forever.

But, um, I think it's

what's going on with the car.

A long story, but I couldn't find

anyone. I figured we'd just stay at the

campsite again tonight and...

You know what? We

have an extra bedroom

downstairs. You guys are

more than welcome to crash.

We appreciate it.

Yes, yeah.

We're spending the night here, okay? I

don't want to go and camp outside again.

We'd have to go walk to the car.

We'd have to go set up in the rain. Let's

just spend the night here.

Can we talk about this outside?

No. We're spending the night

here. I've made up my mind.

Okay. We can spend the night.

Awesome. Yeah, I'll

show you guys around.

And we can check the Wi-Fi again in a

little bit. Hopefully you

guys can make a call, yeah?

Oh, okay.

Sit. Sit down.

We need to get out of here now.

Why?

I saw a dead body at

the neighbor's house.

Are you sure?

Yes.

Are you really sure?

Okay? You remember?

Will! Like the time we were hiking, you

saw a bunch of dead bodies and a voice

told you to bury them, and I just...

I found you moving around dirt with your

hands, but there was

no actual dead bodies.

I know what I saw this time.

Well, listen to me. Listen to me.

Okay, I love you.

I love you too.

Okay. Okay. But, you know,

you have an imagination, right?

It's just... it's an out of control

imagination. And

sometimes, sometimes you

see and you hear things

that aren't actually there.

You gotta listen, and we

have to stick to the plan. Okay?

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

Okay.

Come on.

Cheers.

Cheers!

Cheers!

Hey, Ted. Have you

checked the internet?

Yeah. It's still not working. Sorry.

Is he ok?

Yeah, yeah he's fine, he's just tired.

Are you sure he's okay?

Yeah, yeah he's just really tired.

He's had a rough day.

What do you guys think that man meant

talking about an att*ck?

Don't you think it's weird and the

phones aren't working?

I mean, it was probably

just another m*llitary drill.

The phones are down due to another

rolling m*llitary blackout or something.

I mean they happen all the time because

of my dad's Energy Conservation Act.

Remember?

Well, they basically cut power and

services to the residential home

neighborhoods in order

to make sure that

the multinational billion dollar

corporations have enough power.

Right?

Sorry, I'm eating with my hands, guys.

I must be just used

to it from the campsite.

Pasta's really good though.

You okay, bud?

Kristen, does he need

anything? Another glass of water?

No, he's fine. He just, he um, he gets

these episodes, you

know, where he shakes

and he talks to himself. He's fine.

It's like epilepsy

without the seizures, alright?

Well, I'm glad he likes the pasta.

Pamela can't cook for sh*t so you can

thank me for making it.

Screw you. I can cook

so much better than you.

Five thousand bucks says you can't.

Alright, you two stop arguing. Let's do a

cook off and we'll do a blind taste test

and we'll tell you who can

cook the best freaking meal.

I'm down for it.

Well, what do I get when I win?

You get to watch me slowly undress.

And if I lose?

You tell me I'm the best.

And queen of the kitchen.

Deal.

Will, you're the first judge.

Okay, try the other one.

I don't really know, I'm not into sweets.

Kristen, your turn.

They just kind of taste?

They kind of taste the same?

Don't worry about it.

Hey, what's the matter with them?

We roofied the cake.

Yeah, they were kind of scaring us.

I don't know, I kind of liked them.

Why the f*ck are you drugging people?

Listen, these people

were crazy, like psycho even.

I don't want to stay

in the same house as them.

We're just gonna

bring them back to the car,

leave a note that says they passed out

and wanted us to bring them back,

and they're not gonna

know the difference.

How did, who, where did you

find roofies in the first place?

We didn't, they were Rick's dads.

Rick?

Jesus Christ, guys, these are our guests.

What the hell's the matter with you?

Hey, it is what it is.

It's not what, this is not what it is.

This is not what it is at all.

Not at all what it, what the

f*ck is the matter with you?

I don't know, I kind

of wanted one of them

to say that my cake tasted better.

Really?

I'm still really

uncomfortable about this, guys.

It'll be fine. They'll be fine.

Cell phones are going to work tomorrow,

they'll be able to call for help.

Yeah, I wouldn't worry

about it too much, Ted.

What I'd be worried

about is them never leaving.

I mean, what if they made all that sh*t

up about the car anyway?

What if they were homeless?

Do you really want

homeless people eating

our food and living in your cabin?

Drugging them still feels wrong.

I mean, I could have driven them to the

car in the morning and

it would have been fine.

I know you were bothered by it, but they

did the right thing.

I just...

We left them with no way to

contact anybody or anything, right?

It just feels wrong.

You have to stop

trying to save other people.

Kind of like how I saved you?

You didn't save me.

I'm only here because you

couldn't live without me.

Your words, not mine.

Yeah, whatever.

Anyway, I love you.

I'm really tired, babe.

With all the driving

around today, I just...

Will you please shut up and just...

Ted, I thought I heard a door, a window

open, and footsteps downstairs.

Maybe.

It's Bigfoot!

Shut up! Seriously!

Or a grizzly bear? It's fine.

I thought I heard something.

It's probably just Doug and Rick dicking

around downstairs, babe. It's okay.

Will you stop being such

a p*ssy and just go check?

Fine.

Of course the power's out.

Doug? Rick? I swear to God, if it's you

guys dicking around downstairs?

So?

Jesus Christ, you scared

the sh*t out of me.

So?

The back door was open. No big deal.

Did you check the whole house?

No. Do you want me to?

Yes. Stop stuffing

your face and get to it.

I don't know why I love you

sometimes, but I do.

It's a good thing I charged this.

What am I supposed to be looking for?

I don't know. Homeless

people, riffraff, serial K*llers.

You know, the type of

person that sees an

open door at 4am and just walks in.

And they just so happen to be in the

middle of Bumblefuck nowhere.

What the f*ck was that?

Okay, shh. Follow me.

I hope it's a racoon.

What the f*ck was that?

Stay with me, babe.

Maybe it was a bear?

A bear that can open doors?

I don't know!

Jesus Christ.

What the f*ck is going on?

Something got in the

house while we were asleep.

What?

Don't know.

Is it safe?

Yeah, I mean, it's not

inside the house anymore.

What did it look like?

Um, kind of human? Or

like a bear without

fur? It's hard to describe.

I kind of want to take a

picture of it. Who's coming with?

You are such a dumb-ass.

Come on, it'll be fun.

It might actually be a good idea to

figure out what it is.

Are you f*cking kidding me?

I'm in a house of complete morons.

This is the stupidest

idea I've ever heard.

Come on, how many times have

you seen a bear in the wild?

Zero. And I'd prefer to keep it that way.

Um, don't you think we should get a g*n

before we go out there?

Uh, yeah. I'll go get

my dad's old shotgun.

Isn't that the shotgun his

mom blew her brains out with?

Let's f*cking do this.

Why are you stopping?

It sounded like someone...

Who the hell cares? Keep going.

But it sounded...

Oh my f*cking God,

what did we talk about?

I know.

No talking during sex.

But it's the...

But nothing! Just keep going and don't

stop until I say so.

God, you sound like my mom right now.

I sound like your what? Get off me!

Oh, okay.

Just like your dad. Giving speeches

while having sex.

My dad? What?

I told you I don't like it

when you talk. It ruins the mood.

Relax. I just... I thought

I heard someone screaming.

And what was that about my dad?

And why did you mention your mom?

Can we stop talking about this now?

Oh, now you want to

stop talking about it.

Okay, I...

I thought I heard someone screaming.

It sounded like Miranda. It sounded like

she was being att*cked.

What if those two

people came back? And

now they're attacking her.

Okay, go and check it out. But once you

get back, you're

making it up to me, okay?

I don't see anything.

Are you sure you saw an animal?

Yeah, pretty sure.

Jesus Christ.

What the hell are you guys doing out

here? And why the hell

do you have a shotgun?

We thought we saw a bear.

Where?

We don't know, we saw

something inside it ran out.

Okay, guys, let's finish

circling the house, okay?

Everybody stay close.

Wait.

Do you see that?

Screaming.

What the f*ck was that?

It looks like it

jumped ten feet in the air.

God dang.

It's gotta be on the roof.

Is that what I think it was?

Everybody inside, now!

Go, go, go.

Everybody, lock the doors, lock the

windows. I don't wanna

see anything coming in.

But what if it's already in the house?

Then we'll deal with it then.

Holy sh*t, Ted. Holy sh*t. Did you see

what that thing was?

Kristin! Kristin! Kristin!

Good morning, guys.

Hope you slept well.

Rick and Misty left at sunrise.

Without even saying goodbye?

Uh-huh.

Misty completely freaked when Rick told

her about what we saw.

Then she got even

more mad on top of the

other five things

she's pissed at him about.

And then she dragged his ass at six in

the morning to go grab a tow truck to get

them the hell out of here.

Those two just need to break up already?

You know,

I once heard my dad talking about a

spaceship that looked just like this.

He found it on a dig with the government

agency he was working with at the time.

Off the southern

coast of Alaska, I think.

But I remember him talking about, like,

if only people knew what powered it,

we'd be really pissed about paying

electricity bills every month.

I thought your dad was

a philosophy professor.

Mm-mm.

That was just a cover.

He actually worked for the CIA and like

five other super

classified government organizations,

but that's what they do.

You know, they put people in places,

media companies, news outlets, so they

can control everything.

You control the information people get.

You control the narrative.

Whoa. Crazy. So he was

like James Bond or something?

Not quite. He was kind of a mystery to

everybody, especially me.

But I remember one night I was a kid.

I got out of bed. I just

wanted a glass of water.

But I went downstairs and

I heard him on the phone.

He was talking about aliens.

What did he say about them?

I don't remember exactly, but the gist of

it was that, well, that

aliens weren't actually aliens,

but us, like human beings.

That doesn't make any sense.

I thought so too, but they were talking

about skeletons they just found.

What kind of skeletons?

Human ones, but they were mutated.

You know, like they had

enlarged heads and longer fingers.

I don't know. What he

said was that there

was an ancient civilization that lived

tens of thousands of years ago.

They had technology that was way more

advanced than anything we have now.

They learned how to master everything.

Time, space, genetic

engineering, space travel.

And they basically became immortal.

I think your dad was

playing a joke on you.

No. I wasn't supposed

to hear it, you know.

It was just something I heard randomly

on a night out of bed when

I wasn't supposed to be.

Well, how do you know it's true?

I don't.

But the reason I'm thinking about it is

because I thought it might have had

something to do with

what we saw the other night.

Wait, you think that had

something to do with what we saw?

Maybe. I heard him

talking about the myth

of Medusa and how she

had something to do

with aliens and UFOs.

That's Clash of the.

Titans. That movie's a classic.

You remember that

scene where Perseus has

the shield and the

sword and then he cuts.

Medusa's head off like that?

We should totally watch it.

Seriously, guys, think about it. What if

what we saw last night has something

to do with what they're talking about?

What if the myth of Medusa's

referring to one of those...

Skinwalkers.

Yeah. What she said.

I could believe that.

When it looked at me. I was

so scared I couldn't move.

I felt like I'd been turned into stone.

You know what scares

me? Really scares

me. It's not aliens.

You know the word alien

comes from the Hebrew

word "Eye of God". At least that's what it

says in your dad's journal.

Shhh! It's not aliens.

It's getting old. That's what scares me.

Ah, but we're young now.

But not forever.

There's nothing wrong

with getting old, Pam.

But the wrinkles.

And the Botox.

Speaking of aliens, did you all see my

mom after her last plastic surgery job?

Oh my God, she looks like

an alien after that last one.

I never understood that.

Like, I'll still love you, Pam, even if

you have wrinkles. Just

don't butcher your face.

It's not the wrinkles.

It's just the fact that we won't matter.

It's like we'll just be...

Forgotten.

Yeah.

Like we were never here at all.

You know, I had a similar thought when I

was out with Misty a few weeks ago.

We had slammed six sh*ts.

I said to myself, if I'm really going to

die, whether it's tonight, tomorrow, or

50 years down the road,

if someday, who knows when, I'm gonna

dissolve into quiet oblivion,

I might as well live it up while I can.

Your version of living it up

is like an NC-17 rated movie.

Shush, don't be a turd.

You don't want Ted finding out about the

video Misty made.

What? What video?

What video?

Are Rick and Misty back already?

What if it's the alien?

Hi.

Hey, Will.

Have you seen Kristen?

Uh, what?

It's like I woke up in the car this

morning and she was gone.

sh*t.

I remember eating cake here last night,

but I don't know if I

did something, you know?

Okay, well why don't you come on in and

we can figure this out.

So she's not here?

Um, last night you guys passed out.

Like at the table.

Um, we weren't sure

what to do with you,

so we brought you back to your car

in case a tow truck

showed up or something.

We tried waking you up.

I don't remember any of it.

I just don't.

You know, it's ok.

I can drive you back out

there. Um, I should say we

saw something last night.

It broke into the cabin.

What?

What?

What did you see?

Um, I'm not really sure.

It was dark.

It was hard to tell.

I'd sound crazy.

Go on.

I think we saw, um, an alien.

I don't know.

I don't know for sure.

It had like big eyes.

Its head was massive.

It jumped like 20 feet in the air, okay,

and it ran around on the roof.

And you think it ate Kristen?

No, no, no.

I'm sure she's okay.

What we saw didn't try to harm us.

You know, she probably woke up in the

car, was confused, went to go get help.

Why didn't she try

to wake me up though?

Who knows?

Who knows?

Why don't we go?

I can drive you out there

and we can try and find her.

Yeah?

Okay.

Okay.

Thank you guys.

I should probably go try to find help.

Don't be silly.

Ted's fixing the solar panels.

Power should be back.

Maybe the internet will be back up

and we'll be able to

make phone calls again.

Sit down, relax.

You've had a long day.

Nobody is eating anyone!

Who is what?

Sorry, I meant to say...

I don't know what I was trying to say.

Oh hell!

Thank God, you're okay.

My head just hurts.

Drink this.

It's so weird.

All I remember is like eating cake

and then I was just in the car

and there was this weird green light.

Green light?

Yeah.

Oh God, this really hurts.

Just lay down, you need to relax.

I was so worried.

I woke up and you were gone.

What do you mean I was gone?

You weren't in the

car, but then you were.

That doesn't make any sense.

It's so weird.

It's like the backup batteries aren't

even holding a charge.

They're just completely sh*t.

It's so strange.

Everything was working fine last night.

You know what, there's

something else you should see.

I was working with this earlier.

It's some kind of emergency broadcast.

There was a lot of interference,

but I think I got most of it.

I guess there was an

alien att*ck that happened.

Most of the major cities

around the world have been hit.

They're telling people to

stay inside and be safe.

Are you serious?

Well, that would

explain what we saw last night.

Maybe, maybe that's why

Rick and Misty aren't back yet.

Maybe they heard the broadcast

and they're trying to

find somewhere safe to stay.

I bet Rick's dad has a nice government

bunker that they can stay at.

I hope Rick comes back.

Can you try playing it again?

I guess the broadcast's off air now.

Okay, let's say you're right.

How the hell can we even

confirm this is happening?

Do you have cell reception?

Maybe the radio was a

commercial for a movie or a prank.

Maybe the two people we picked up.

Come on, this has

Doug written all over it.

Yes, Doug does crazy

pranks, but this is not that.

This is too much, even for him.

Think about it, think

about everything else.

And we still don't

have any cell reception.

What's that about?

So this journal is based on research from

a place called Skinwalker Ranch.

But here's the thing I don't understand.

It says they are invisible to the naked

eye, that they move too

fast for us to see, and

we would need a camera

recording hundreds

of thousands of frames

per second just to

see them.

So if that's the case,

what did we see yesterday?

I have no idea.

But I do know that there's a section in

that book that talks about

shape-shifting abilities.

Native American trickster

spirits, I think it was.

And then there's a whole other section

about some Wisakedjak.

They believed it was responsible for a

great flood that destroyed the world.

This just doesn't make sense.

It says that there should be unexplained

mold, leaves changing

colors, weird insect

and animal behaviors.

Batteries going dead.

Weird smells, unexplained headaches,

sunburns, experiencing time differently.

At least that's what it says here.

Well, think about it like this.

The power's out right

now, and there have

been weird smells around here.

And I don't just mean from Misty taking

shits without putting the fan on.

Oh my god, did you guys smell that

stinker last night before I went to bed?

Can I see it?

The book I mean?

Hold on a sec.

It says that they're good natured.

That humans would

fear them if they were

ever encountered, but

this would be a mistake.

Because the greatest thr*at to

humanity is ourselves?

Humans?

I mean, none of this adds up.

Makes no sense.

I just have a weird feeling about

everything that's going on.

Your dad really liked Plato.

And to him who had an eye to see, they

became visibly debased.

Hey Doug, can I see the g*n?

Yeah.

He also wrote the Eye is the Ark of the.

Covenant, allowing people to

experience time differently

through the insect shells that saturate

the bark of a certain tree in Ethiopia.

And that Plato's Republic was actually a

description of their

society he learned from

the ancient Egyptians.

Let's change the subject.

I can get food here in a second?

It's just cold soup, but...

And does anybody need

something to drink?

Could I get a glass of water?

I'm dying of thirst.

You guys see anything yet?

Nothing yet.

So, Doug and I are going to

go check the rest of the house.

If that's okay.

We can keep an eye out here.

Maybe Rick and Misty will be back soon.

I'm going to use the bathroom.

Hey guys, look what I found!

Why do you have your dad's old sword?

It might be handy if that

radio broadcast ends up being true.

Yeah.

Let's use swords when

we have a shotgun.

It's not just any sword, okay?

My dad found it on a dig in Stonehenge.

Along with like an

ancient Egyptian battle axe.

But the sword...

I think he thought it was...

Excalibur?

Maybe not quite Excalibur.

He definitely felt the

sword was special though.

He said it was coated in Orichalcum.

He said that the ancients believed that

it was a unique alloy that

was activated by certain words.

He spent years trying to throw different

frequencies at the sword,

seeing if he could get it to

change on a subatomic level.

It never seemed to work.

Maybe it's not as

special as he thought it was.

He did tell me though.

That's where we get the

English verb "to spell".

It was from the same

concept, you know?

Maybe it was indicative of

the power that words have.

As in magic?

Not quite magic, no.

But definitely having something to do

with quantum physics.

He thought maybe the right frequency

would change the sword

on a subatomic level.

Awaken special powers.

Make the wielder invisible and the sword

itself would become.

Unbreakable?

Yeah, unbreakable.

Can I see it?

Yeah, just be careful. It's my dad's.

You guys are amazing.

I seriously don't know how you did that.

Yeah, it has been fun to watch.

The cameras and

everything are still working?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Everything is battery operated.

Like how did you do it?

Like the alien jump. It was amazing.

Well, like Doug said, he wanted it to be

like the movie with crop circles and the

alien that jumps on the roof.

So we rigged the kite up and pretty much

vaulted it in the air like a puppet.

Yeah, we almost had a problem at first.

The light that was rigged onto the drone

didn't wake anyone up.

So I had to go in and

make some noise for

someone to come downstairs.

But everything else has

gone according to plan.

The cellphone jammer and

the fake radio broadcasts.

Wait, what about Rick and Missy?

Them leaving wasn't part of the script.

Yeah, we planned for all contingencies.

I put water in Rick's gas t*nk overnight

when we heard them

talking about leaving.

So they're probably

stuck by the side of the

road about an hour away right now.

We'll go in the morning and find them.

Oh yeah, and those other two actors that

you guys hired? f*cking nailed it.

No, those two weren't hired by our team.

So we roofied two complete strangers?

Yeah, I'll fix that in post by chance.

They don't sign a release form.

I'll just deep fake some random faces on

them and get an actor to dub their lines.

So we won't have any

legal hiccups later on.

This is hilarious.

Were you able to run a

background check on them at least?

No, unfortunately. Not yet.

We took the drone out there to their car

to get some aerial footage.

We were going to run their license plate,

but when I turned on the light,

the girl woke up and she

opened the door and passed out.

We were going to go check on her to see

if she was alright, not overdosing.

But then the guy she was with woke up.

So we had to wait for him to leave, and

we just didn't get a

chance to run the license plate.

I thought they were

acting the whole time.

Must have been the water

why they were so weird?

Anyway, I'm sure it's fine,

they went to Harvard and Oxford.

Plus, my brother is going to love

everything that we send him.

He's a big reality TV producer out in LA.

He's going to lose his

mind when he sees this.

Seriously, thank you guys.

Oh, and for the cars in the

driveway, I opened the hoods

and disconnected the battery

cables about 20 minutes ago.

So if anyone does try to leave, they'll

find the cars won't start.

Also, I went through

the entire house and

tried to hide anything that

could be used as an actual w*apon

and stored what I did find in the attic.

I think the only concern is

the knives in the kitchen.

So Pam, just please be mindful and call

cut if anyone pulls a

Kn*fe or anything like that.

By the way. What did you

guys put in the water?

Well, originally we were going to try

LSD, but we weren't really

sure how well it would dilute.

So we decided to try something different.

It's this mild hallucinogenic excreted by

jungle worms in South.

America, similar to ayahuasca.

We put a bunch of worms in the water

t*nk. So the more everyone drinks the

water, the more

tripped out they'll become.

It's not really ethical, but...

But this is show business. I love it.

All right, here's the plan

for the rest of the night.

Ryan, you're going to

fly the drone around.

Pam, you're going to run

right up into the living room.

And scream, "THEY GOT DOUG!"

Yeah, something like that.

Anyways, try to direct him into the

bedroom. That's where I'll be hiding.

They're going to try to sh**t me, and

it's going to seem like it has no effect

on me because we swapped

the real b*ll*ts with blanks.

So then I'll creep at him like that, and

hopefully they'll run away.

I know. Doug's been over

this with me a million times.

He told me he has to be perfect if it's

going to turn me into a Hollywood star.

I'm f*cking sick of acting

in low budget indies.

I appreciate the A-list acting, Pam, but

safety is paramount

and comes far before

the performance. Understand?

Assuming they run to the car, Ryan's

going to fly the drone

around a little bit more.

I'll run towards the car in costume and

start banging on it. That

should be it for the night.

I think that's enough for

the pilot episode at least.

And we can just let everybody know this

has been a big reality television prank.

You guys can go back to

doing whatever you'd like to do.

I wish we could wait until morning,

though. This is just fun.

Yeah, well, after tonight

everybody is going to

be sh1tting their pants.

Good thing f*cking misty isn't here.

This whole plan is butchered.

They've been recording us

the entire time, and I...

I think they put shrooms or something in

the water to f*ck with our heads.

You know, they almost

ran our plates, too.

Yeah.

They could have found out

that the car was stolen.

And those stories we fed them about

college were bullshit.

They've been recording us.

Sounds like a reality show prank.

You know what that means?

We'll have to find a new house.

Yeah. And the cops. They'll find us if

that footage gets out.

So we have to act now. Okay, we can't

wait until they're asleep to do it.

We have to do it now,

and we have to take

them out one by one.

And we can't leave any evidence.

So, um, we've got to

burn this place down.

And then, um, you know, we'll just, um,

find some other rich

assholes' lives to

steal, how's that sound?

Okay.

You get the ones inside.

They got Doug!

What do you mean?

There was a green light, and the window

was open, and he was just gone!

Where did it happen?

Our bedroom!

Let me check it out.

I'm coming with.

It was a light?

Is it green?

The same green light Kristin saw?

Do you see anything?

Do you think they k*lled the alien?

Let's hope so.

Will, come on!

What happened?

I sh*t the f*cking

thing, I sh*t the f*cking thing,

and nothing happened,

nothing happened!

That can't be.

We gotta get the f*ck out

of here, let's go, let's go!

Wait, wait, it's not what you think!

Why won't the car start?

I don't know.

It was working fine earlier.

Just let me think!

Come on.

Come on.

Go.

Oh sh*t.

Help.

Help.

Shut up.

Hey, great f*cking work.

This footage is going to be amazing.

All right.

Think that's a wrap, everybody.

I know Pam wants to keep this going,

but Ted is going to send us packing

and Miranda is going to throw a piss fit

if we keep this up.

How'd it go?

Still in character.

All right, well,

we're about to go say hi

to Hollywood's latest reality TV crew,

so you want to get ready?

We'll stay back

here and land the drone.

Okay, cool.

Let's go.

Why are the lights still off?

Yo!

Very funny, Pam.

Come on, where is everybody?

Pam.

Good act, come on.

Pam.

Pam, what the f*ck?

Are you, Pam, are you okay?

What the f*ck?

What the f*ck?

No, Pam!