02x03 - Future Shock/Humiliation 101

[bunniefuu]

[Jenny]
♪ 5:00, get a call
to go blading ♪

♪ at the skate park
down by the mall, ♪

♪ but my mom says ♪

♪ I gotta prevent
hostile aliens ♪

♪ from annihilating us all. ♪

Hyah!

♪ With the strength
of a million and 70 men, ♪

♪ I guess I really
shouldn't complain. ♪

♪ Still, I wish I could
go for a walk ♪

♪ without rusting
in the rain. ♪

♪ It's enough
to fry my brain. ♪

♪ So welcome to my life
as a teenage robot, ♪

♪ the story of my life
as a teenage robot. ♪

♪ My teenage robot life. ♪ ♪

[ominous music]

♪ ♪

Uh-huh?

Uh-huh, uh-huh?

Uh-huh?
Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.
Thanks anyway.

What up, Jenny?

I'm trying to find a date
for the big drive-in movie.

What movie?

Blood-Sucking Alien Zombies
Incorporated.

[screams]

It's so scary,
they're not letting you in

unless you have a date.

Someone to call the morgue
if you die from fright?

Exactly.

But every datable guy
is already taken.

Looks like I'll have
to settle for Brad again.

[Brad]
Settle?

What's that
supposed to mean?

I just--I just meant--

Meant what?

Brad's not datable?

Brad's a loser?

Brad couldn't get a date
if he were rich, handsome,

and the last man
on planet earth?

I just meant
we could go together

if I couldn't find
anyone else.

Don't you mean
anyonebetter?

No, I--

You must be
pretty desperate.

Look who's
talking.

I heard Kiki dumped you
for Don Prima.

Hey,
I dumped her.

Was that before
or after

you got down
on your knees

and begged her to go
to the movie with you?

Juicy.

Well at least
I have options.

Anyway, who says
I'd settle for you?

I already have a date.

Oh, yeah?
Who?

That's for me to know

and you never
to find out.

That is, unless
you find a date,

which I doubt.

[laughing]

[door slams]

I demand to know
the name of your date!

Over my dead body.

Don't give me any ideas.

You know, Jenny, I just happen
to be free tonight.

[door slams]

[slurping]

Something
troubling you, XJ9?

I can't find a date
for the movie.

But somehow Brad found one.

And now he's keeping
the whole thing a secret.

I wish there was
some way I could see

who he's taking
to the drive-in tonight.

Sounds like a job
for my future-scope.

Future-scope?
What's that?

Never mind,
it doesn't exist.

And you are not
to go near it!

Besides, it's locked
in a high-security,

underground vault.

So this underground vault--

where would that be exactly?

Just so I can be sure
to avoid it.

Down in the basement, naturally.

[footsteps running away]

Silly girl.

[Brad]
Hi, I know you don't know me,

but would you be
my date for the--

hello--hello?

[sighs]

If I can't find a date,

Jenny will never let me
hear the end of it.

boing!

[crashing]

plop!

[inspirational music]
Hmm--

[suspenseful music]

Oh, right, that thing.

Hey, Jenny!

Ahh!

Whatcha doin'
down here?

Tuck, I'm on
a top-secret mission.

One that'll take all my skill
and cunning to accomplish.

smash!

Whoa.

Well, what are
we waiting for?

Not so fast,
short stuff.

This is a job
for big girls only.

Ohh, I can be
a big girl!

If this is Mom's idea
of high-tech security,

I think she's
losing her touch.

[alarm siren wailing]

[zapping]

[dramatic music]

[missiles f*ring]

[tires squealing]

[doors slamming]

clunk!

[rockets blasting]

[victorious music]

[zapping]

Aw, come on.

[zapping]

[explosions]

Whoa!

[angelic music]

Oh, hi, Jenny,
what's up?

Just checking out
the distant future.

Whoa, talking apes
rule the planet.

Who'd of
thunk it?

Gimme that!

I've got important research
to conduct.

[gears whirring]

[machine humming]

What is that?

Oh, my.

It can't be.

What--what is it?

[giggles]

I can't wait
to see this.

What's so funny?

[machine humming]

[ominous music]

[laughing]

[screams]

It's Brad!

I-I-I mean, Brad's head!

I mean, I have
to stop the future,

or I'm gonna be
an only child!

[gasps]

[dramatic music]

No!

Tuck?
What the--

Uh, those things are dangerous!

You go to pluck a hair,
and your hand slips, and--

kkkkkkkk!

You're in one of your moods
again, aren't you?

boing!

Hmm, better shave.

Don't wanna look like a hippie.

Oooo--ohhh--

squeak!

Tuck, no one
is gonna get hurt

from a safety razor.

Not now, they won't.

[man]
Ow! My ear!

Could be laced with
hydrochloric acid.

I'll send it out to the lab
and get it right back to you.

Just checking for scorpions.

clank!

[chain rattling]

There!

Don't want you getting

any paper cuts
from your money.

You can be buying candy,
pull out a fiver,

wind blows it into the air
and kkkkkkkk!

Off pops your head
like a grape.

There'll be no livin'
la vida loca tonight.

You're staying home where
I can keep an eye on you.

Oh, I see, someone doesn't
want me to go on my date.

Tuck, come here.

At your age,
girls seem icky.

But there will come a time
when that will change.

You gotta open
your eyes, Tuck.

I'm a man now.

And as a man, I have
certain obligations

to the fairer sex.

Namely, dating them.

A lot of them.

Could you move
your leg a little?

Huh? Oh, sure.

But I promise you that no woman,

no matter how beautiful
or in love with me she is,

will ever come between us.

Okay, Tuck?

Tuck?

Tuck!

What do you want?

I came over to apologize.

I didn't mean
those things I said.

I'm happy for you and your date.

And I certainly don't want you
to miss the movie.

[zapping]

clank!

Well, if you're
really sorry,

why don't you
distract Tuck

while I finish
getting ready?

You got it.

[laughs]

Now all I have to do
is hide Brad's car keys.

[brakes squealing]

Well, Jenny, hello.

Tuck, hi.

[thinking]
Somehow she's tied up
in Brad's future death.

I can't let her know
what I'm up to.

[thinking]
I can't let Tuck
stop Brad's date.

I've gotta keep
an eye on him.

So, Tuck, where you heading?

Uh, I was just going for a walk,

so I guess I'll see you later.

[tires squealing]

A walk, huh?

Beautiful day.

Think I'll
join you.

Actually, my feet hurt.

I think I'll go play
in the backyard.

[tires squealing]

A little backyard
play time?

Count me in.

[sniffs]

Hoo! Stink-y!

I'd better go take a bath.

Robots don't take baths,
do they?

[laughs]

Huh?

Scrub
your back?

[engine revving]

Brad! Don't go!

You don't understand!

You're in grave danger.

Don't worry, Tuck.

Tonight will be great.

At least for me.

You stay away
from my brother.

I saw the future,

and I'm prepared
to use force,

if necessary,
to stop you.

Hyah!

Tuck, what are you--

Hyah!

Are you crazy?

Hyah!

Hi!
Hee!
Ho!

Hyyyah!

clang!

Ya.
Hyah.

'Bout done?

Hy--ah.

Truce?

Sure thing.

Put'er there.

[zapping]

clunk!

Ah ha! Victory is mine!

Thank you,
clown college surplus.

Now that you're
out of the picture,

there's a chance I can save Brad
from the future.

[gasps]

Tuck?

What time is is?

I gotta go.

I can't miss my chance
to meet Brad's date.

Two please.

That's one for me

and one for my date.

[car horns honking]

Thank you.

What's that,
sweetheart?

Are zombie vampires real?

[laughs]

My date.

[car horns honking]

She's a little
nervous.

[loud car horn honking]

[film projector whirring]

We made it.

And the blood sucking's
hardly begun!

So do you like
horror movies?

Oh, yes.

I'm a huge fan.

So how 'bout
a kiss?

Sorry, I don't kiss
on the first date.

[sighs]

Good.

Everybody's head
is still on their shoulders.

[gasps]

[eerie music]

[both laugh]

[both]
Don't they know
they're in terrible danger?

It's up to me to save them.

[g*ns cocking]

You know,
if you get too scared,

I can put my arm
around your shoulder.

Get your hands
off of me!

You know,
it's a long walk home.

That's far enough,
monster.

[both]
I see you've woken up
from your little nap.

Tuck!

This'll knock you out,
permanently.

[zapping]

splat!

zap!

Yaaa!

bang! bang! bang!

Jenny?
Tuck?

crash!

Come on!

Oh, right,
seatbelt.

crash!

[Kn*fe slashing]

[gasps]

Oh, no!

[ominous music]

I was a fool.

No one man,
no matter how courageous,

can change the course
of history.

Confound you,
Destiny!

[giggles]

[laughing]

You monster!

[clanking]

Tuck?

Tuck!

Tuck!

What are you doing here?

[chin wobbling]

He's alive!

By disembodied
brother is alive.

Alive!

[gasps]

Oh, my gosh, we gotta
get you to the hospital.

Tuck--

Tuck!
I'm fine!

[Jenny]
Yeah, Tuck.

Brad's not hurt,

but his date's not
feeling too good.

But on the future-scope,
I saw the future.

And you were there,
but not your body.

And then you
were laughing.

And--then--

then--

well, I'm just glad
no one actually got hurt.

[dramatic music]

Somebody call
a doctor!

[sighs]

[Jenny]
So you wanna
get a soda?

[Brad]
Sure.

[placid music]

♪ ♪

[teacher]
Renee?
[gHere.1]

Suzy?
[gHere.2]

Norbert?
Here.

Batwan?
Here.

Jenny?

Uh, Jenny Wakeman?

Here!

[sighs]

I hate cluster-kazes

[dramatic music]

[expl*si*n]

Oopsy.

[expl*si*n]

[expl*si*n]

My gym shorts!

[expl*si*n]

[victorious music]

[loud expl*si*n]

Yes!

I saved
the day again.

No need
to thank me.

Your applause
is thanks enough.

boink!

Those things
were after you.

The day wouldn't
need saving

if you
weren't here.

Yeah, XJ-nightmare.

[Razinski over loudspeaker]
Will Ms. XJ9 please report

to what's left
of the vice principal's office?

clunk!

Ahem.

[knocking]

Who is it?

Jenny Wakeman.

Please come in.

You wanted
to see me?

You're nothing but
a trouble magnet, young lady.

Since you started
attending,

we've had a 20% rise
in laser mishaps,

a 50% increase
in supervillain att*cks,

and a quadrupling
of interstellar invasions.

Your behavior
leaves me no choice.

I'm going to have to call--

your mother.

And the way
you were all, "vrooom!"

and they came down,
"choo-choo-choo."

And you were like,
"grrrr!"

So now I'm in trouble--again.

Is it too much to ask for one
trouble-free, mayhemless,

peaceful day of normality?

Come on, Jenn, being a superhero
is the b*mb.

I'd trade places
with you anytime.

How 'bout now?

You can go to my house
and get yelled at.

Uh, no.

[Wakeman]
Mm-hmm, yes, I see.

Well, I'm certainly glad
you called, vice principal.

These things must be dealt with

promptly and decisively.

Good-bye.

[glass shattering]

XJ9, come here.

I just got off the phone
with your vice principal,

and he told me all about
what happened at school today.

And I just want you
to know that--

everything's
taken care of!

You don't need
to worry about a thing!

What?

Because of your little
mishap at school,

all of your science classes
have been canceled.

And as a lifelong
scientist,

this makes you
happy because--

Because I volunteered
to go in tomorrow

and give a lecture

about my greatest scientific
achievement--you!

In front of your
entire school.

Your entire school.

Your entire school.

[ominously]
Your entire school.

Oh, memories.

Remember when you
were steam powered?

Now, where are those
schematics

of you without
your armor on?

clunk!

boing! boing! boing!

Ta-da!

I'd say you're
the tin man,

except you seem to be
missing a brain

instead of
a heart.

It's armor,
get it?

Every day you attract some kind
of super mayhem to our school,

usually before lunch.

Most days, we students
cower in fear,

while you get to have
all the fun.

But today, I--

I attract super mayhem
before lunch.

I attract super mayhem
before lunch!

I attract super mayhem
before lunch!!

How could I overlook
something so obvious?

My mom will never get
to embarrass me

in an afternoon assembly,
because--

[rock music]

♪ Vexas will destroy
the school ♪

♪ with interstellar
blasts. ♪

♪ Then some slimy
monsters ♪

♪ will unleash
their deadly gas. ♪

♪ Toxic radiation beams
from out beyond the stars. ♪

♪ Mutant cyborgs launch att*cks
from Jupiter and Mars. ♪

♪ Robo-bikers peeling
wheelies down the corridor. ♪

♪ Freshmen being eaten
by galactic carnivores. ♪

[together]
♪ Dams burst. Tornadoes blow. ♪

♪ Locusts devour.
Volcanoes explode. ♪

♪ This is gonna be
the greatest day. ♪ ♪

[Razinski over loudspeaker]
So be sure to come

to Dr. Wakeman's robot science
assembly this afternoon.

I can't wait
to learn

all your private,
innermost secrets.

Keep dreaming, Sheldon.

Pretty
embarrassing

having your mom
give a lecture.

I suppose it would be, Teresa.

Too bad it's never gonna happen.

[clock ticking]

[thinking]
Something extraordinary
and otherworldly

should be coming along
any second.

[clock ticking]

Nothing yet.

[clock ticking]

Hello, I haven't got all day.

[boy]
Ahh!

Yes!

[teeth
chattering]

You screamed?

I found a nickel,
but you can have it.

What happened?
Am I too late?

bonk!

Turning out the lights
won't save you.

You think you bad?

Welcome to
Bad Brad, baby.

You want a piece
of me?

How about this piece?
Or this?

I'll rain down
a world of hurt.

Boo-ya!

Come to
papa.

No pain,
no gain.

[screaming]

Okay, relax, Jenn.

There's still plenty of time
for something to go wrong.

Batteries
not included--huh!

Your mileage
may vary--hyah!

Uh, everyone, uh,
take out your pencils.

Uh, we're going to have
a pop quiz.

[Jenny]
Pop quiz?

The real Ms. Pullium
never gives us a pop quiz.

You're a part of some
evil chameleon race

sent to destroy
humanity!

But it's
multiple choice!

crash!

What, what is it?

crash!

Did we
get 'em?

[teacher]
Section one.

Full faith and credit
shall be given in each state

to the public acts--

Giant human fly!

What,
what's wrong?

A fly,
get the fly!

Back to Hades,
demon bug.

smash!

[glass shattering]

Ahhhhhh!

[tense music]

[chalk squeaking]

[expl*si*n]

They're here, Jenny,
they just sh*t at me.

Hey, Mr. Smellhouse.

What's the deal?

It's already
lunchtime,

and there's no
interstellar invasion,

no tidal waves
or tornadoes,

no megalomaniacal
madman,

nothing abnormal
at all--nothing!

Nothing except
this cafeteria food.

That's it!

This is not our
normal inedible gruel.

It's cleverly disguised

plastic expl*sive
inedible gruel.

It's T minus 30 minutes
to massive humiliation,

and counting.

splat!

There's gotta be somebody
in the universe

planning to att*ck
the earth today.

[touchtone phone dialing]

Hey, Vexas, what's up?

[indistinct voice over phone]

Say, I'm not exactly sure
how to ask this, but, um--

Were you thinking of swinging by
the earth today?

[indistinct voice over phone]

Oh, no reason, I just--

[indistinct voice over phone]

Oh, sure, I understand.

I've got a lot
on my plate too.

Okay, yeah,
you take care.

Hello, Leada?

Hey, girl, how's the whole
space biker g*ng doing?

[voice on phone shouting]

Okay, well, I'll get
right to the point, then.

There's a huge assembly--
I mean "party"--

at school this afternoon,

and I wanted to let you know
that you and your g*ng

are not invited.

You better not show up.

No, you see, that's
reverse psychology.

I'm telling you not to show up
so that you will--

[dial tone]

Hello?

Is this Skippy
the Wonder Puppet?

Look, I'm just gonna
level with you.

I need some super villain
mayhem, and I need it now.

Is there any chance you--

It would only be
for a few minutes and--

[indistinct voice over phone]

No, I understand.

Family does come first.

Thanks anyway.

[Razinski over loudspeaker]
Attention, please.

The science assembly will begin
in five minutes.

[expl*si*n]

Don't panic--it's
a science assembly.

Nobody's going to go,
nobody--

[brakes squealing]

This--isn't--
happening.

Hey, come on,

who wants to ditch
this dumb assembly?

We can sneak off
to Mezmer's.

[boy #1]
Are you kidding?

[girl]
I love science.

[boy #2]
Especially
robot science.

[Sheldon]
I wouldn't miss this
for the world.

[people speaking simultaneously]

Brad, I'm
desperate.

I need your help.

Yes!
The Amazing Armor Lad,

ready for action.

Come on!

[cheers and applause]

I'm delighted to see
you students

taking such a robust interest
in science.

Allow me to introduce

Dr. Norene W--

[earth rumbling]

[ominous music]

Earthlings, prepare
to meet your doom.

Ahh! A monster!

Everybody run
for your lives.

Ahh!

Oh, for goodness sake.

What on earth are you doing
with my hedge-clipping machine?

Get out of there,
Bradley.

Don't you mean--
The Bradinator!

Okay.

Hello, everybody.

I'm Dr. Wakeman--
Jenny's mommy.

Who here has ever
potty trained a fussy robot?

[crying]

It's not fun,
but it's either that

or a mean case
of diaper rust.

[laughing]
Right, honey?

slam!

Come on, Jenny,
it wasn't that bad.

It was horrible.

I'm going to have
to move to Antarctica

and start
my life over.

Man, I hated it when
my dad came to school.

Dude, this one time I needed

a ride home
from soccer practice,

and my mom brought cookies,
and--and--dude.

You mean, everybody has
parents that embarrass them?

They're parents,
Jenny.

That's what
they do.

There now, XJ9.

Was that really
so horrible?

Yes, it was.

Thank you.

Well, I'm glad
you liked it,

because I've agreed to give
a two-week series of lectures

all about you.

[sighs]

Oh, good.

You still have
that scorch mark

on your backside.

It's a perfect visual aid
for tomorrow's lecture.

[rock music]

♪ ♪