04x09 - I'll Always Remember You

[bunniefuu]

Jesse, I just don't wanna
make the same mistake

I've made in the past, so...

I just wanna come
right out and say it.

I'm Hannah Montana. Huh?

Whoa! Dude, stop,
you're blowing my mind!

I mean, you're Hannah,
you're Miley, you're Hannah.

Who am I dating?
You're tearing me apart!

- Will you stop?
- Will you?

Why are we even rehearsing
this? You've told the
secret enough times.

I'm surprised the pizza
delivery guy doesn't know.
Mm-hm.

"Who ordered
the meat-lover's special?"
"I did!

- And I'm Hannah Montana!"
- Oh, stop sulking.

You've been mad ever since I
told Siena about the secret.

- She didn't know who Lola was!
- Get over it.

All right, look at me.

I wear Day-Glo wigs.
I dress like a Japanese
cartoon character.

How can she not know
who Lola is?

Come on, she's dating Jackson.

She's one drumstick short
of a jumbo bucket.

Can we get back to the person
with the real problem?

[gasps] Lola's real mean!

Come on, will you stop it?

Jesse will be here any minute,
and I need to practice

how I'm gonna tell him
the Hannah secret.

It's ruined too many
relationships,

and I'm not gonna
let it mess up this one.

Or... Or you could not tell him,

and before you know it,
we're off to college together.

Sharing a dorm room.

Where I have to listen to you
complain about how bad you feel

for not coming clean to Jesse.

And there's no place
for me to hide because

I'm trapped with you in a


that's filled with tear-soaked
tissues dripping in snot!

On second thought,
maybe you should tell him.

Well, that was a long
trip for nothing.

- [doorbell rings]
- Now, get out of here.

Hang on! If you're gonna
tell him about Hannah,
I should tell him about Lola.

- Lilly, no one...
- Cares. I get it. I get it.

Wow. I really wanna tell you,
you get more beautiful
every time I see you.

But that'd be going against
my brooding rocker image

so I'm just gonna say, "Hey."

That works for me.

Oh, sweet niblets.
Can't you at least warn a guy?

Good thing I got that
Smokey and the Bandit
marathon running on cable.

You sounded a little nervous
on the phone.

- Everything OK?
- [sighs] I'm fine.

Uh-oh. Walking me to the couch.
This can't be good.

No, it's just...

I have something really
important I need to
tell you. And...

...you could be mad.

Really mad, but I just
care about you too much

- to not tell you that...
- That you're Hannah Montana.

Please don't interrupt me.
This is really... Huh?

- I know you're Hannah Montana.
- How?

It was that blabbermouth
Siena, wasn't it?

Didn't need any help
on this one. You both
have the same beautiful eyes

and amazing smile.
And then there's the fact

that I told Miley that my dad
was stationed overseas
and then, two days later,

Hannah had a concert
for kids whose parents
are stationed overseas.

Hm...

I was hoping you'd think
that was just a coinkidink!

Come on. Six years,
and the rest of the world
hasn't put it together.

Well, the rest of the world...

...isn't in love
with Miley Stewart.

- You're in love with me?
- Yeah.

Unless you're not in love
with me, then I take that back

'cause, you know, I'm cool.

Aw!

- Oh! Hey, Lola.
- Yes!

Yes! Finally!
Somebody knows Lola!

I always liked him.

All right, bye.
This is awesome!

Now, you can be back
in the band and we can
be together all the time.

Ooh! Just one simple rule:
just 'cause you're
mushy on Miley

doesn't mean you
can be huggy on Hannah.

- What?
- Come on, I can't have
the world thinking

that Hannah steals her
boyfriend, even though
she wouldn't be stealing

'cause my boyfriend
is her boyfriend.

Which brings me right
back to... "What?"

You're dating Miley,
not Hannah.

Got it. You just tell me
which one to kiss.

- This one.
- OK!

Two minute kissing window
is now closed.

- Dad!
- Come on, Mr. Stewart.

Look at this, Jesse.
Your horoscope says,

"You are dangerously close
to a slow, painful death."

♪ When you ask
"Do you wanna dance ♪

♪ My barefoot Cinderella?" ♪

♪ Don't need no slippers
or party dress ♪

♪ The way you're looking right
now is what I like the best ♪

♪ And then you'll say
"Do you wanna take a chance ♪

♪ And stay with me forever?" ♪

♪ No one will ever be
more beautiful ♪

♪ My barefoot
Barefoot Cinderella ♪♪

[cheering]

- You rocked.
- Not hard when I'm with you.

Hey, hey, hey.
I'm Hannah.

Hannah Montana,
ladies and gentlemen!

And, apparently,
her new boyfriend.

Why is it always
the guitar player?

Why not a nice cameraman
like my nephew, Lenny?

But seriously,
I'm happy for you, Hannah.

- And what's your name?
- Uh, you don't
wanna know my name.

You kissed her on national TV.
What, are you shy
all of a sudden?

Come on! What's your name?

- Jesse.
- Jesse! There you have it!

Hannah and Jesse,
America's new sweethearts!

Good night, everybody! Bye-bye!
Thanks for watching!

Bye.

[Miley] Whoo!

Here we go, everybody!

♪ Come on ♪

♪ You get the limo
out front ♪

♪ Oooh ♪

♪ Hottest styles
Every shoe, every color ♪

♪ Yeah, when you're famous
it can be kind of fun ♪

♪ It's really you
but no one ever discovers ♪

♪ Who would have thought
that a girl like me ♪

♪ Would double
as a superstar ♪

Whooo!

♪ You get the best
of both worlds ♪

♪ Chill it out
Take it slow ♪

♪ Then you rock out the show ♪

♪ You get the best
of both worlds ♪

♪ Mix it all together
and you know ♪

♪ That it's the best
of both worlds ♪♪

Wow, this thing is everywhere.

...Hannah and Jesse,
America's new sweethearts!

Good night, everybody!
Bye-bye! Thanks for watching!

Oh, great, and it's
took over "most viewed"

from kitty cat
flushing a toilet.

Uh, that just means that you're
bigger than, "Meow, meow, flush.

Meow, meow, flush."
You should be proud.

What was I thinking inviting
Jesse back in the band?

Hannah's irresistible.
There's no way that he could
go against her feminine charms.

I wanna go home, put the wig on
and smack that home wrecker
in the face.

I think you're freaking out
for no reason.

I mean, you can still date Jesse
as Miley, just not in public.

Why does my life
have to be so complicated?

Will you just focus
on the positives?

OK, we're both going
to college together,

we both have wonderful
boyfriends...

- Except for...
- No!

No cracks about Oliver
until I find something

equally embarrassing
about Jesse.

- Good luck with that.
- Yeah, I know.

Now, it's not that big a deal.
It's not like Hannah Montana

hasn't complicated
your life before.

Yeah, and I dealt with it then.
I'll deal with it now.

- Yeah.
- Hey, there you are.

- Jesse!
- Whoa, dude!

You're that guy
dating Hannah Montana.
Did you know that?

- Yeah. Saw it on Leno.
- Me, too!

Up top, bro.

Yeah!

Jesse, what are
you doing here,

casual acquaintance
and platonic friend?

- Nice.
- Your dad told me
you were at the pier.

I just had some great news
I had to tell you.

Can't wait, aforementioned
casual acquaintance

- and platonic friend!
- Overkill!

My dad's coming home
from overseas.

My gosh, Jesse,
that's great!

- Miley!
- Dang it.

Hey, it's OK.
I don't think anybody noticed.

One at a time, bro.

♪ Ooh, ah, oh ♪♪

- [laughter on TV]
- Oh, Hannah Montana's
new boyfriend Jesse

apparently caught
cheating today. Ooh!

- [audience] Ooh!
- [Leno] Yeah.

Hannah's response,
"Nobody's perfect.

But this guy's a
super-super-jerk."

Oh, man,
my mom watches Leno!

Well, if it makes
you feel any better,

both Miley and Hannah
love their "super-super-jerk."

I'm glad you
think this is funny.

But you're not the one
who's a talk show punchline.

You're a cute punchline.

Come on, Jesse!

I know it's my fault, but...

OK, this is where you say,

"No, it's not your fault, honey.

We're in this together."
Let me try it again.

Jesse, I know
it's my fault, but...

Your turn.
Doesn't have to be "honey."

Could be "lamb chop,"
"cupcake"...

- Miley...
- Aw, come on.

- You can do better than that.
- You don't get it.

Everybody in America
knows me as the super-super-jerk

who broke
Hannah Montana's heart.

Everybody? Come on.
You're being a little dramatic.

That people that know you and
love you don't feel that way.

[cell phone vibrating]

Really?

My five-year-old niece
just texted me this.

"Uncle Jesse, you're
a big, fat, stinkin'..." Ooh!

How does she know that word?

Now my grandma's weighing in.

Probably just to say
that she loves you

and everything's
gonna be OK... Yow!

Now you know
where your little niece
got the trucker mouth.

Look, Jesse, you had to know
that dating me was sometimes
gonna be a pain in the...

Well, I'm not your grandma,
so I'm just gonna
say "complicated."

Dating me would be a pain
in the complicated.

But I'm worth it,
aren't I?

- Again, this is
where you say...
- What?

What do I say?
And to which one of you?

Because if I'm dating Hannah,
now I'm cheating on Miley.

And if I'm dating Miley,
then I'm the jerk who broke
Hannah Montana's heart.

- Either way I'm just...
- [cell phone vibrating]

- And that's my mom.
- Ooh, well,
if we ever get married,

she is not gonna be
baby-sitting the triplets.

I have very specific
fortune cookies?

Would you stop
joking about this?

Listen, Jesse, sometimes
joking about it

is the only way
that I get through it.

You just stepped into this.
This has been my life
for six years.

Please, let's
just forget about it.

Come on, pizza, a movie,
anything. Let's go.

Pizza and a movie's
not gonna fix this.

Maybe you're right.

Ice cream and bowling!
Let's go!

Miley.

I'm sorry.

Maybe you can
deal with this, but...

Please don't say it.

...I can't.

So you're just
gonna walk away from us?

As long as there's
two of you,

I don't think
there could be an "us."

♪ Ah, ooh, ah
Ooh, ah ♪

♪ Ooh ♪♪

♪ Yeah, oh, oh ♪♪

You know, Dad, I really thought
that Jesse was different.

I thought he could
handle all this.

You just gotta give
the boy some time, Mile.

If he really loves you,
he'll be back.

If he really loves that
pretty-boy face of his,
he won't be.

- Daddy.
- I'm sorry, honey.

I just hate
seeing you this hurt.

Truth is, whether you're
ready to hear it or not,

if he comes back, that's great.
If he doesn't,
there'll be other boys.

I keep praying there won't be,
but there always are.

I don't know. Maybe I should
just give up guys for good.

Aw, now you're
just teasing me.

Honey, the truth is

life has a funny way
of working things out.

One door closes,
another one opens.

- All you gotta be ready
to tell yourself is...
- [screaming]

...when your daughter
asks if her best friend
can live with you,

think about it
for more than a second.

[screaming]

And then say no.

- Is it...?
- Stanford admissions offices!

[both] Yay, yay, yay!

Aw, look at that, honey.
You've already forgot
about Jesse.

[sobbing] Jesse!

- I'm sorry...
- [groaning] Zip it!

Look, nothing personal,
but sometimes

- you just...
- Have a tendency
to be a big, dumb daddy?

I would never say that
because you let me live here,

but because you said it,
oh, yeah!

Now, look, Miley, Jesse...
[groans]

That guy your dad just mentioned
is your past and these letters
are your future.

- I guess you're right.
- Of course I'm right!

OK, now we'll open
them on three. Ready?

- One, two...
- [both] Three!

I didn't get in.

I didn't either.

I'm sorry, girls.

I'm sorry you both didn't...

- Lilly, yours says
you got accepted.
- No, it doesn't.

- I just read...
- No, it doesn't! No!

How can you read it?
It's moving all over the place!

Let me see that, Lilly.

I'm sorry.

But, I mean, how much
more bad news can you take?

I mean, you just found out you
don't get to go to college
with your best friend

the day after you get rejected
by the best boyfriend
you ever had.

And now you got an eye twitch.

But my grades are awesome.

I k*lled it on the SAT.
This is so not fair!

I know! I mean,
I guess that stuff just
wasn't important to Jesse.

And Stanford accepted you?

Lilly, stand extremely still
and don't let her
sense your fear.

There has got to
be some kind of mistake!

Lilly and I have just about the
same grades and she only did a
little bit better on the SAT.

And that's because my energy
drink made me have
to tinkle twice,

and Lilly can hold it
like an animal.

I must say, the fact
that you just drove 200 miles

to plead your case
is very impressive.

That's the kind of character
we look for here at Stanford.

We're gonna be very sad
not having you here. Cookie?

This isn't fair!

I am being discriminated against
because I have a small bladder.

And we are not a group that you
want picketing in your lobby.

I'm really sorry, Ms. Stewart.

But the difference
between you and your friend
isn't academic,

or... fluid-related.

Miss Truscott
held part-time jobs,

she was a cheerleader,
she was on the volleyball team,

the skateboard club,
the surf club.

And you...

...were a tricycle-riding
pirate mascot

for half a basketball game.

And in twelfth grade,
you climbed a rope.

That sucker went all the way
to the ceiling.

Yes, I think you mentioned
that in your essay.

"To the ceiling and back.

A girl, a rope
and a dream."

Which was exactly the required


Just saying. Rule
follower, rule breaker.

Miley, you are
an excellent student.

But you don't have any
extracurricular activities.

And here at Stanford,
we're looking for students

- with a skosh more.
- But, come on,
you have to let me in.

This is the only college
I applied to.

This is the only school
you applied to?

Now, on one hand, that
could sound incredibly dumb.

But on the other hand,
it could be a display
of admirable school spirit.

Doesn't show up on a test,
but honey, at a pep rally,

I will skosh you up one side
and down the other.

Go Stanford! Whoo-hoo!

Uh, uh! Whoo-hoo!
Hey!

OK, please.

[laughing] I appreciate
your enthusiasm,

but, all right,
tell me something

you've done
in the last four years

that's the least bit
out of the ordinary,

other than that bizarre...
"Stanford, whoo" thing.

Are you kidding me?
The last four years of my life
have been anything but ordinary.

- Wonderful! How?
- I...

...can't tell you.

Then I can't reconsider
your application.

But if I could tell you,
you'd be all, "Nuh-uh."

And I'd be like, "Yuh-huh!"
You'd be like, "No way."

I'd be like, "Yeah way."
Wait, please.

I never even got a cookie!

Hey, Miley.
How far away are you?

I'm turning into the driveway.
I'll be in in a second.

Hey, I know you're
disappointed,

so I'm making
your favorite dinner.

Mac and cheese and bacon!

That's your favorite, Dad.

The way she's feeling,
it probably wouldn't have
made any difference anyway.

This way, at least
one of us will be happy.

I heard that.

Hey! You're not supposed to be
talking while you're driving.

Well, I already
lost Jesse to Hannah.

Now I can't go to college
because I was busy
selling out stadiums

and meeting the queen of England
instead of holding a spit bucket
for the girls' wrestling team.

[sighs]

Look, I know. I was really
thinking about this.

You know, what if you said
you were Hannah Montana's
assistant.

That way, you still did all
the stuff, but as her assistant.

You couldn't have thought
of that 200 miles ago?

Hannah Montana's assistant?

That sounds fascinating.
Why didn't you include that
in your application?

Miss Montana likes me
to keep it very low-profile.

She's very classy,
and even prettier in person.

I must say,
this could change everything.

Yes! Are you gonna finish
that sandwich? I've been
driving all day.

- Please.
- Thanks.

Now, we're just gonna need
some proof of employment.

[mouth full] Some what?

Some pay stubs,
tax records,

just something I can
submit to the board.

Miss Montana pays in cash.

Is proving this
gonna be a problem?

Of course not.

♪ Whoa, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh ♪♪

- [growls]
- How'd it go?

Stupid proof of employment.
Tax stubs.

No cookie.

I drove 200 miles
just to say that...

You want proof, cookie lady,
I'll show you proof.

Hey, uh, why didn't you just use
the emergency Hannah kit
you keep in your car?

Because I forgot!

- [door slams]
- [meows]

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Hey, yeah ♪

♪ La-di-da-da ♪

♪ La-di-di-da-da ♪

♪ Ooh ♪♪

Yes, Miley. The directions you
gave me were perfect as usual.

Now, if I could just find
that incredibly competent

and extremely attractive
admissions woman you
described...

Oh, wait! There she is!

You are the best.
Kiss-kiss. Bye.

Hi. Miley Stewart.

Best assistant any international
pop sensation has ever had.

- You must be Mrs. Jameson.
- Oh, my goodness.

It really is you.

Oh, I thought she was just
one of those desperate types

that would do or say
anything to get in.

I mean, she did this...
"Stanford, whoo!" thing

that was, well,
borderline creepy.

I'll pass that along.

The girl loves
constructive criticism,
plays well with others

and is an avid flosser.

Healthy gums, healthy mind.

Now, if you could just give me
that orientation package,
I'll, uh, take it with me,

- help save you the postage.
- Uh, Miss Montana...

No worries. It's
just my way of contributing
to higher education.

But I will need a receipt
for tax purposes.

It isn't that.

It's... Apparently,
Miley misunderstood.

I didn't say this would get
her in, I said we'd reconsider.

But even if we do accept her,
she goes to the end
of the waiting list.

[stammering]
The waiting list?

Oh. Well, look, Miley
is a wonderful applicant,

it's just that the information
came a little late

and the board only makes
exceptions in very rare cases.

Well, like, for example,
if you were applying.

- Me?
- Well, of course.

Having someone
of your accomplishments here

would be a wonderful addition
to the university.

So I could get in no problem?

Well, um, assuming you had
Miley's grades and SAT scores.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.
I am very tired here,

so I need to get this clear.
This may sound crazy.

Let me get this right.
If Miley and I were somehow,

I don't know,
smooshed into the same person,

- we could get in?
- [laughs] Well,
if you put it like that,

I guess you would.
Unfortunately,
that's not the case.

Although, oddly enough,
you do have the same eye twitch.

That's not the only
thing we have in common.

It just so happens
that Miley and I are...

...the same...

...sign of zodiac.

Sagittarius, which
means we're the fire sign

and over-excitable eyelids.
I got to go.

♪ Problems ♪

♪ She's got nothing
but problems ♪

♪ She's lost Jesse
and Lilly ♪

♪ All because of the wig ♪

♪ If she came clean ♪

♪ All her problems
would just go away ♪

♪ Or would they ♪

♪ Just begin ♪♪