Accidental Texan (2023)

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Accidental Texan (2023)

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[cinematic orchestral

music playing]

[classical music playing]

["Gloria In Excelsis Deo"

playing]

[car whooshes]

[notification whistles]

[crunches]

[notification whistles]

[notification whistles]

[cow mooing in distance]

[notification whistles]

[car whooshes]

["Gloria In Excelsis Deo"

continues playing]

[music ends]

[engine stops]

- [bell rings]

- [indistinct chatter]

[giggles]

[blowing raspberries]

[indistinct chatter]

- [camera shutter clicks]

- [man 1] Yeah, Simon wants

the helicopters

- ready by call time.

- [man 2] Copy that. Whoa.

My bad, man. My fault.

[indistinct radio chatter]

- [clears throat]

- [indistinct radio chatter]

[man] Listen, I don't care

if that truck is stuck

in a cow pasture.

We need it here

right now. Got it?

Good. [continues indistinctly]

[indistinct chatter]

[soft music playing]

- [Vera] So can you believe it?

- I know.

- Huh? [laughs]

- No, I know.

- I can't believe I'm here.

- So cool, right?

- Seriously.

- Arms up, arms up.

No, 30 days.

Thirty days of good work,

well-rehearsed work,

and that sweet, sweet per diem.

- That's the big leagues

for you.

- No, you have no idea

how much I needed this, Vera.

Erwin, you know what?

You earned this, okay?

Oh, no, we earned this,

after five dang years

of trusting each other,

we both earned this.

- Well, persistence

and talent payoff, huh?

- [chuckles]

Yeah. Ah, dang, dude.

- Sorry.

- You alright?

Yeah, no, I'm fine, I'm fine.

We're just rigging up

for the big death scene

at the end.

That's what

we're starting with.

Ah, starting with a bang, huh?

- [Vera laughs]

- Vera, I do wanna say

one thing, though.

You are the best agent

in the whole world.

- Hey, it's what I do.

- We good?

Yeah, he's ready to blow.

Copy that. Let's go.

[Erwin] Yeah, I mean,

first day nerves a little bit.

Oh, yeah, let's definitely

send him something.

Hey, man,

turn that thing off.

Because we know how much

they push for us.

Listen, son, you gotta

turn that thing off

- before we go hot.

- I will, I promise, alright?

- Hey, Vera, so we're

headed to set, right.

- [Simon] Erwin!

- Oh, hey! Simon.

- Hey! Simon. Simon.

Oh, so brilliant to have you

on board, mate.

- Truly, truly.

- Ah, it's a pleasure.

- Listen, we...

- [clears throat]

- [blows raspberry]

- We're gonna have some fun.

Are you ready? We're gonna

make some magic.

Yeah? Let's do it.

Did you find the hotel alright?

- [Erwin] Um, actually,

I just got straight here.

- Did you?

- Mm-hmm.

- Good boy. Well,

if you need a bigger room,

I want to respect

your process.

And if your process

is a bigger hotel room,

- we can do that.

- I'm sure it's fine.

Thanks though.

Erwin, my boy,

this is your canvas.

[magical music plays]

This is your space,

- your playground.

- [Erwin exhales]

You will paint the walls

with the effervescence...

- [deep exhale]

- ...of your vulnerability.

Do that thing you do.

I want you here at the bar.

[Erwin] Right.

[Simon] And our lovely Tara Lane

will be right here by your side.

I love your work

and it's a pleasure

to be working with you.

I just had to say it. [laughs]

- You're welcome.

- Thank you. Thank you.

- Okay, so, Erwin.

- Yes.

- On action.

- Mm-hmm. Yeah.

- You will lean in close...

- Mm-hmm.

...and you two

are deeply in love.

- Right.

- And then Surly Bob

kicks in the door,

lights the place up.

Ga-ga-ga-ga!

Ga-ga-ga-ga-ga! Ga-ga!

You, kid, fall here.

Tara rushes to you

just as you die.

Right, right here

in the general vicinity?

Generally, yeah.

Figure it out, but, yes.

Yeah, okay, alright.

Yeah, no, I got it.

- Yeah. Love it.

- Cool?

- Yeah, sounds good, chief.

- Lovely.

Dude, you ain't

gonna have to act

'cause, uh, that's gonna

hurt like hell. [laughs]

- Fire in the hole!

- Funny guy.

It is gonna hurt like hell.

Okay, people,

we've got one take of this,

so, uh, let's not mess it up.

- Wait, no rehearsal?

- No.

- Okay, alright. [groans] Yeah.

- You good?

Brrrr! Yeah, I'm fine, just...

[clears throat] Alright.

Red leather, yellow leather,

red leather, yellow leather,

- red leather, yellow leather.

[inhales deeply]

- Relax.

[exhales]

Yeah, you're gonna do great.

[exhales] Thank you,

I needed that.

Dreams really do come true.

- [phone rings]

- [expl*si*n booms]

- [screams, groans]

- [breathes heavily]

- [phone rings]

- Oh, sh*t!

[airsoft g*nf*re]

[phone rings]

- [glass shattering]

- [airsoft g*nf*re]

[dramatic music plays]

Oh, my God.

[phone rings]

- [g*nsh*t]

- [shatters]

Bullocks!

[cars whoosh]

[somber music playing]

[phone vibrates]

[Vera] Erwin,

where the hell are you?

I have been calling you

for eight hours.

I mean, I'm sure

that Simon already

made this painfully clear,

but I just heard

from the producers

and you're fired.

Do you have any idea

how this is going

to make me look?

What the--

[somber music playing]

[phone vibrates]

[tires screech]

[breathing heavily]

[breathing heavily]

[screams] God!

[pants]

[breathing heavily]

[engine starts]

[engine sputters]

Not right now, come on.

Come on, you piece of sh*t.

Come on, come on!

[horn honks]

- Come on, come on!

- [engine sputters]

Yeah? Really?

Right now, huh?

What am I doing wrong?

Just tell me that!

[grunts]

Ah. [pants]

[grunts] Okay.

Ugh! [pants]

[zips zipper]

[peaceful music playing]

[train whistling]

[bell clanging]

[train whistling]

[train whooshing]

[bell clanging]

[peaceful music playing]

- [bell clangs]

- Oh, sorry, sir.

Oh, that wind.

Come on in.

- How are you?

- I'm alright.

Good, have a seat.

Make yourself at home.

- I'll get right to you.

- Okay.

How about you two?

[people speaking indistinctly]

[Faye] Here you go.

[coffee sloshing]

- Thank you.

- You're welcome.

I'll be right with you.

[bell clangs]

- Hey, you boys.

- Morning.

- Cecil. Thomas.

- [Cecil] Merle.

- [woman] Hi.

- [Faye] Hey, Merle.

[Merle] Look at that

pretty thing.

How are you?

Oh, things could be

a little better.

Well, who knows?

Maybe your luck's

about to change.

- Oh, yeah?

- Mm.

[Merle] You heard something?

You alright?

I'm fine. Um, actually,

could I get the Wi-Fi

though, 'cause...

Uh, no, we don't have that here.

Oh, uh, I could...

A phone number then?

- Well...

- Um...

- Oh, sweet.

- Old school.

- Thank you.

- Sure.

I haven't seen

one of these in a--

Wait, ma'am, this is from 2015.

Well, things don't change

too much around here.

- Right. [chuckles]

- [phonebook thuds]

[rustles]

[line rings]

- Moose's Auto.

- Hi there, sir.

Uh, good morning.

Uh, this is Moose?

Uh, yes, sir, you're gonna

have to speak up.

I'm having a lot of trouble

hearing you.

Um, yeah. [clears throat]

Uh, uh...

My car broke down

right outside of, uh...

- Buffalo Gap.

- Buffalo... Buffalo Gap, sir.

Mm-hmm. Well, uh, we're--

we're closed for church.

Uh, we can take care

of it Monday.

We're kind of busy, but, uh,

yeah, we can take care of it.

See if we can work you in.

Where'd you say

your car was sitting?

Uh, car's, uh...

Uh, it's just

right out of town.

Wait, uh, Moose?

Uh, excuse me,

I'm-I'm on the phone.

Yeah, sir, that's...

What I mean is, that's me.

Oh! [laughs]

How about that?

- Yeah.

- So you the fellow

that needs a tow?

Yes, please, sir.

It's like right outside of town

about a couple miles.

- And I think

it's the carburetor.

- Mm-hmm.

Oh, we can take care of that.

- Thank you.

- Tomorrow.

Tomorrow? Uh,

I was hoping actually

if potentially, you know,

I could get back

on the road today.

You mean after hours?

[Erwin] Yes, sir, after hours.

You k*ll somebody?

"k*ll somebody"? What?

- Mm.

- You mean...

Oh, no, no, no, no, no!

This is fake blood.

I'm an actor

and I'm just trying to get back.

Well, long story, but...

An actor, huh?

You heading back to Hollywood?

Yeah, that's why

I'm on a short schedule.

- Kind of gotta get back.

- Well, I tell you what,

we've got our VIP special.

We can get you off that road

and into the shop tonight.

Thank you so much.

For $600.

$600, seriously?

Yes, sir, we gotta get you

back to the big time.

Sir, all I have is $40.

Son, is that your,

uh, foreign car

sitting out a little ways

outta town,

got the Harvard sticker

in the window?

Yeah, yeah.

The Prius, that's me.

Yeah, that's a nice car.

Now you'd think

Old Moose would know

somebody with that

educational pedigree

is not gonna fall

for his brand of horseshit.

I got him covered for $40.

Not your $600.

Fred, come on.

Let's get. [grunts]

[Erwin] Hold on. Um...

Sir, wait, uh,

so should I just--

Excuse me, Moose, should I

just meet you at the car?

- [door closes]

- Have a seat over here.

Get him one of these on me.

Oh, appreciate that, sir.

You're welcome. Merle Luskey.

Erwin. Pleased to meet you, sir.

- Pleased to meet you back.

- Uh, so, $40.

- Is that what--

- No, no, don't you worry

about that.

Where were you headed?

Um, I'm headed back to LA.

Ooh, old fancy tinkle town.

Yeah. Old Tinkle town for sure.

Boy, what I wouldn't give

to be a Harvard-educated

young son of a g*n like you.

You must be sharper

than a snake's ass.

Honestly, no.

Uh, my dad,

uh, he's a teacher

at Harvard.

What's he teach?

He teaches calculus.

Calculus.

He must be a smart

son of a bitch.

Yeah, no. He's definitely

a son of a bitch.

[laughs]

Yeah. So, uh,

where were you coming from?

Uh, we were sh**ting

in New Orleans and then--

- Faye! Harvard is starring

in a movie.

- What?

- No--

- You're kidding me!

Are you a movie star?

- Oh, my God.

- A movie star.

- Absolutely not.

- I thought he looked familiar.

No. I'm definitely

not a star in any sense.

I actually blew that

just recently.

Blew it?

Means I got fired.

Oh, bless your heart.

- Yeah.

- Yeah, that's tough.

Happens to the best

of us, really.

Yeah. You're young,

you'll bounce back.

Eh, I'm not quite sure

about that actually,

'cause, uh...

I don't know,

it's just... [chuckles]

It sucks when you love

doing something so much

and you're not sure

if it loves you back, you know?

Yeah, I know what you mean.

Tell you what, we'll get you

back on the road soon enough.

But I got a proposal for you.

- [utensil clinks]

- Okay.

There's a catch.

Now while you're waiting

for Old Moose to get off his ass

and actually fix your car,

maybe you could help me out

with a little bit

of rat k*lling.

Rat k*lling, what is that?

Just running some errands,

tying up loose ends.

Just here around town.

He's a good man.

Like... Okay.

Good! Cecil,

what are you getting

for those yard birds out there?

[Cecil] Oh, hell,

just put a 50 in the truck.

Ah. Come on.

- Let's go.

- [Erwin] Wait, right now?

- Yep.

- [dish clatters]

- Thank you.

- [thuds]

[chickens clucking]

Saddle up.

Come on. Get this day

headed in the right direction.

So, wait. Are we gonna go

grab my car right now?

No, no, no, we'll

take care of that later.

Probably gonna have to spend

the night in Buffalo Gap.

But, uh, we'll get you

on the road

as quick as we can tomorrow.

Help me with these

chicken crates.

Watch out for that guy.

His name's Chirpy.

He's got 17 kills in Mexico.

For real? Like,

is that a joke or...?

Yeah, that's good.

- [truck door slams]

- Move that clucking ass.

[upbeat country music playing]

There you go, look.

- Hm?

- Lookee, lookee.

- Hm?

- Get you some of that.

- No.

- Yep.

- No, I'm good.

- Oh, come on, don't be a baby.

- It's a little early.

- Don't be a baby.

No, you know what?

That's actually

not appropriate hygiene.

Where in the hell

are my manners?

What was I thinking?

- Just not right now. Jesus.

- That's more your speed

right there.

- That's a virgin bottle.

- Yeah.

Isn't it a bit early to be,

you know, pulling right now?

Are you kidding me?

Somewhere, somehow,

it's whiskey:30.

Let's go, come on.

Get some hair on your monkey.

We got a toast

for West Texas Baptism.

You ready?

[bottles clink]

Barefoot in the corny,

girls get horny.

- [laughs]

- Uh...

- Come on now, hit it.

- I'm hitting it.

- I'm hitting it.

- Pull that son of a bitch.

- I'm hitting it.

- Get on it.

- Yeah?

- Ah, okay.

- Yeah, I'm good,

I'm good, I'm good.

- Good, good, good, good.

Where are you even

going anyways?

Oh, what you might call

a "come to Jesus" meeting.

A "come to Jesus" meeting, huh?

Another expression is "taking

somebody to the woodshed."

- Dunno what that means.

- Taking 'em out

in the middle of the river

for a pants down spanking.

That makes me uncomfortable.

[laughs]

[choir singing]

[Merle] Now, we're looking

for a vehicle

driven by a dickhead.

And I believe...

this is it.

See if that driver's door's

unlocked.

[car door slams]

Is what we're doing legal?

No.

- [chickens cluck]

- Right.

- sh*t, yeah, it's open.

- Okay.

- Ah.

- [chickens cluck]

Yup, here ya are.

What? Wait, what are we doing?

- I just...

- Wait, Merle.

No, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

- Just stick him in there.

- Oh, my God.

- Alright, give him a squeeze.

- A squeeze?

- [chicken clucks loudly]

- Ah!

That didn't do anything,

it just made him mad.

Alright, lemme show you.

Here, you just give a--

Give him a little squeeze

like that.

- [chicken clucking]

- And like that.

You give him another squeeze.

And just turn him loose.

- That how you do it.

- Oh, my God, you just...

[chuckles] Technically,

you just milked the chicken.

Hey, you can milk anything

with a beak.

Oh, lovely Mrs. Turner.

Mr. Turner, farm fresh eggs?

One more chicken.

Alright. Grab that letter

for me, would you?

There you go, chicken sh*t.

- [chickens cluck]

- [car door slams]

- Let's go.

- Right now?

[church bell tolling]

Merle, they're coming.

Come-- They're coming.

[both grunt]

Alright. He's begging them

for money right now.

[truck revs]

[chickens clucking]

Whoo! Okay.

[grunts, blows raspberry]

That was amazing.

Wait, what? Why do I feel

so good right now?

You got some nuts on you,

I'll give you that.

Cookin' steaks tonight.

That's definitely

not what I thought

I was gonna do today.

- Is that what you meant

by errands?

- Yeah.

[Erwin chuckles] Whoo-hoo!

You got some boots

in that bag of yours?

Definitely not, why?

Well, I'm taking you

someplace special.

You know what? Heck, yeah.

Gimme the tour.

[country music playing]

[Erwin] Luskey Drilling? Wait,

I thought you were a farmer.

[Merle] No, I'm a roughneck.

Yeah, I mean, I kind of got

the redneck vibe, but--

Not a redneck, a roughneck.

I punch holes in the earth

for oil like a badass.

[car door slams]

[Merle] What do you think?

This is yours?

Well, it is today.

Hey, uh, Virgil, if you want

those chicken pens

in the back of the truck,

- uh, you're welcome to them.

- I'll take 'em.

- Hey, uh, Harvard?

- Yeah.

This is Virgil Badgett.

- We're not exactly sure

what he does around here...

- Howdy.

...so we call him Dr. Useless.

Come on up here

and meet the crew.

Whoa, whoa, whoa,

whoa, whoa.

- Always wear a hard hat, man.

- Right.

There's a million ways

to get hurt on an oil rig,

- starting with those shoes.

- [chuckles]

You gotta wear

steel-toed boots, dude.

Get your toes

chopped right off.

- Eh.

- Fall down,

knock your teeth out.

Get blown up, electrocuted.

Death can come from anywhere

at any time.

Welcome aboard.

- [Merle] Come on, buddy.

- "Welcome aboard"?

Hey, here's

my new partner, Harvard.

Y'all, uh, introduce

yourselves properly.

I'm gonna take a phone call.

- Okay.

- You the new guy?

No, I sure hope not.

No, I'm just Erwin.

- Huh?

- Er... Erwin.

- Sherwin?

- What's your name?

- Sherwin.

- N-never mind.

- Hi there.

- Shay Tatum.

- Shay.

- You ever roughneck before?

No, man, no,

I can't say I have.

- No, I haven't had the honor.

- His name is Sherwin.

- [laughs]

- Erwin.

Merle, I thought you were

gonna find me some hands.

I'm working on that right now.

I'm on with the Equal

Opportunity Commission.

- Nice to meet you.

- You met Big Gus?

- Yeah, Gus.

- Up there's Carl.

- We just call him Mule.

- Nice to meet you too, yeah.

Hey, you'll meet

the rest of the guys.

This is Shay.

She's my right arm,

my right leg,

she's my driller.

She's the boss lady.

I don't know, show him

around a little bit.

I gotta take another phone call.

- Okay.

- Come on.

Put these on.

Okay.

[metal clanging]

Kelly down!

[machinery whirring]

I almost sh*t my pants,

what was that?

We gotta make a pipe connection.

Is that what Kelly down means?

- Yeah.

- Cool.

- [metal clanging]

- If a pipe falls down,

it'll k*ll you.

Okay! Everything kills you.

I'm gonna step back, alright?

You guys got it though. Yeah.

- [whirring]

- I'll be right here.

[whirring]

[notification whistles]

Hey, y'all, we got company.

Shay, let's slow it down.

Yes, sir, slowing down.

Merle! I'm pressing

charges on your ass!

Felony destruction of property

to start with.

I didn't know you went

into chicken farming.

Don, I already told you,

this is not a felony offense.

- Alright, calm down.

- Yeah, well I'm not

going over there

until you have him subdued

and handcuffed.

- He's crazier

than a shithouse mouse.

- [laughs]

- Erwin.

- [woman] What?

- It's Erwin for Vera.

- Who?

Erwin.

It's Erwin Vanderveer for Vera.

Sorry, did--

did you say Sherwin?

Oh, my...

Erwin Vanderveer for Vera!

Jack.

Ah, you know, I don't

wanna be a part of this.

Well, listen, I'm not gonna

tell you your business here,

but that's the son of a bitch

that ought to be in jail.

He's trying to swindle me

and he's trying to swindle

a bunch of others like me.

- Now, Jack, I appreciate you...

- [camera clicking]

Hey! You wanna

back off from that?

That's Luskey

Drilling equipment.

Okay. In 30 days,

it'll be up for auction, so...

Thirty seconds, you're gonna

have a boot up your ass.

[Don] Hey, throttle back, Merle.

That's my new energy

loan officer.

You know he's right.

Ain't no way you can pay back

your loan in 30 days.

You know what, Don?

I remember a time

when you couldn't scrape

a penny out of a mason jar.

Much less call yourself

a banker.

Now you teamed up with me

when I was running more crews

in this basin than anybody.

You got fat as a cat,

didn't you?

I choose not to live

in the past, old buddy.

You can shove

the old buddy stuff

up your ass.

- Alright, come on, come on now.

- [Merle] I'm not dying.

I'm expanding.

I got me a new landman.

Landman, huh?

Can't imagine what rock

you found him under.

[Merle laughs] Harvard?

Vera, I know!

No, I know, I know! Okay.

And I'm not yelling!

Oh. [laughs] You're dropping me?

You're dropping me, huh?

No, no, no, no,

you're not dropping me!

Guess what, that's fine.

That's fine if you drop me

because I quit!

Hey, Merle's hollering for you!

- I'll be right there.

- Merle really needs you.

Okay, alright,

I'll be there in a second.

- Oh, sh*t. Don't have to be

so rude about it.

- Sorry!

You heard of Harvard?

Chad went to Taylor County

Community College.

- Harvard, get over here.

- [breathes deeply]

- Listen.

- What?

- I need you to act right now.

- What?

I'm in a real pickle here.

- Don't even know

what that means.

- And I need you to act.

Act? No, absolutely not.

Not right now.

- Listen to me.

I need you to act.

- What? No.

Like you are

my Harvard-educated landman.

Merle, no,

I'm not gonna do it.

- I need you to be the landman.

- Merle, I don't know

what a landman is.

A landman

is an expert specialist

at getting oil leases.

I don't even know

how to change the oil

to my car.

Well, that's fine.

So, listen, all you gotta do

is act like you know

all the old ranching families

in this part of Texas.

I know you can do it.

Merle, I'm sorry. I'm just

not the man for the job.

Erwin, they're gonna take

everything I have

and they're gonna ruin me.

I need your help.

You gotta act like a landman.

You can do it.

Yeah, wait till you sons

of b*tches meet him.

He's Harvard-educated

in, uh, geology.

- [exciting music playing]

- [exhales]

[clears throat]

- Gentlemen.

- [Merle] This is the Sheriff

of Taylor County,

he's a good friend

of mine, Jack.

- Pleasure to meet you.

- Nice to meet you.

Mind if I bum a pinch, actually?

Here you go.

- Now...

- Appreciate it.

This ill-fitting

toupee over here

is the chief assh*le

at Abilene National,

Don Brock.

This sh*t-heel

with the clip-on tie,

that's his kiss-ass

loan officer,

Chad La Douche.

- Alright.

- It's a real tie.

- Real tie.

- Yeah.

- Good to know.

- Harvard?

We go by nicknames on the rig.

Yeah, well, I just...

You don't look too familiar.

Funny. I could say

the same about yourself.

Yeah, well, you know,

it's kind of hard

to be a landman

around these parts

if you don't know

the land or the people.

So I'd be real interested

in whose land

you're leasing around here.

The, uh, O'Douls.

They've been a real challenge

for us lately.

Have you had any luck?

'Cause they're

a tough nut to cr*ck.

[laughing]

- Uh, O'Douls, huh?

- Yep.

O'Douls.

Listen up, Super Cuts.

The only O'Douls

around these parts

is nonalcoholic beers,

I bet you fancy.

- Oh, yeah?

- Yeah.

I don't drink that crap.

You know what I drink?

- White Claws.

- No, whiskey.

I'm glad we established that.

Well, gentlemen, I have

to get back to working

for Mr. Luskey here.

Alright, hey!

Let's crank it up.

Come on now!

Okay, you know what?

This is horseshit, Don.

Look, look, look, look.

Check out--

Check out his shoes.

What? Merle's just trying

to pull another fast one on you.

That's all this is.

I know all the landmen

around here.

I've never seen

that jackalope

in my life.

Yo, is that connection made, yo?

Alright, we're made up.

Let's start drilling.

This earth ain't gonna

drill herself, right?

Right?

- What?

- [Erwin] We made up yet?

Yeah, yeah.

Y'all heard Harvard,

let's go, boys!

- That's what I'm talking about.

- Let's, uh,

turn it to the right!

I don't know what the hell's

going on here,

but if you don't pay off

your note in 30 days,

I'm ripping everything

out from under you.

I'm gonna tell you something.

I'm gonna be dancing a jig

on your desk in 30 days.

We'll see about that.

Bon voyage, La Douche.

- Alright, alright, come on.

- [Don] Let's go!

- Thanks a lot, Merle,

we'll see you.

- assh*le.

- [laughs]

- [car engine starts]

- Whoo!

- [coughs]

You did it,

you convinced him.

- How was it?

- Oh, my God, it was beautiful!

- Beautiful performance.

- You believed it?

You believed it?

- Absolutely.

- Okay, thank God.

- Like the accent?

- Accent was straight

outta Big Spring, Texas.

That's what I'm talkin' about.

Ugh, that stuff is nasty.

- You alright?

- No, I'm fine, thank you.

Well, so what were they

talking about?

What happens in 30 days?

I'm not worried

about that right now.

But you know what?

I know there's a reason

you showed up when you did.

Okay? I got

a proposition for you.

We'll talk about that

later, alright?

- Alright.

- Start that next connection.

That's good sh*t!

Shay, let's turn to the right.

[Shay] Yes, boss.

Let's turn to the right, boys.

Make the next connection.

[machinery rumbling]

[retches]

[soft music playing]

What do you think?

Yeah, it looks cozy.

- No, no, no, trees.

- Oh.

Those are native pecans,

son. Texas.

My own granddad planted these

when I was a little kid.

I plan on sitting out under 'em

when I'm an old, old man.

Scratching my ass

and watching squirrels.

That's the life.

I'll show you the house.

[door creaks, closes]

Home, sweat home.

Been here long?

Yeah, off and on my whole life.

- Mm.

- My great-granddad

built this house in 1903.

1903, huh? Damn.

Not much furniture for 1903.

Yeah. Yeah, that's

a product of divorce.

- Oh.

- Now, listen,

I can run you over to a flea bag

over there in Winters,

or you can stay here with me.

Uh, you sure?

Like, I-I definitely

don't wanna be

an imposition or anything.

No imposition, it's just me.

Take your gear upstairs,

second room on the right.

- Thank you, by the way.

- You're welcome.

Hurry up, we're grilling beers

and cracking steaks.

Five minutes.

- [doorknob turns]

- [door squeaks]

[floor creaking]

- [sighs]

- [floor creaks]

[soft music playing]

[door squeaks]

[soft music playing]

- Harvard!

- Yeah! Yeah, yeah. Coming!

[sizzling]

Sirloins on the grill.

- May I?

- Oh, yeah.

Grab me one of those.

- [can pops]

- Tell me about Harvard.

- Harvard?

- [can pops]

Yeah, got into Harvard.

Studied business,

that was Dad's orders.

And, um, didn't do

so very well,

uh, 'cause I didn't like it.

And, uh,

the only thing I did like

was my drama classes.

Tsk. That's about it.

End of story.

- That's the end of the story?

- Mm-hmm.

Hell, son, you know

how much education I got?

Eighth grade.

Day I dropped out,

my old dad threw me up on a rig.

[lid thuds]

I was a roughneck.

That's all I ever did.

It's all I know.

- Hmm.

- But this acting...

- Mm-hmm.

- This was always your dream?

Yeah.

Well, was.

Maybe it's time for me

to wake up. [sighs]

That's always

what my dad said.

It's always been a conversation

that pulls us apart.

[sighs] What we should be doing

versus what we want to be doing.

Yeah.

I'm familiar with that.

Dads and sons get pulled apart.

Yeah.

There's gotta be more

to that story though.

Oh, yeah. [chuckles]

Okay. Uh, yeah,

there is, but...

Okay, uh, quit Harvard

fall of my junior year.

And, um, that was after

when a Hollywood agent

saw me in a play.

Promised me the world, you know?

He was like,

"You're one in a million, man.

Just come out to LA and try."

That's all it took

for me to leave Harvard.

You can imagine how happy

that made my Dad.

It was actually going

pretty well recently.

I had my first big gig.

But, um, yeah,

I told you how that went.

Ah.

You'll do better next time.

You're not getting it, man.

There's not gonna be

a next time.

This is exactly what my Dad

has always told me.

It's what he expected.

- [can thuds]

- [ice water splashes]

[sighs deeply]

I guess the only thing

that I'm actually good at...

- is failing.

- [can pops]

- [barbecue sizzles]

- [lid thuds]

You ever watch wrestling?

[exhales] Like WWE?

No, no.

Mexican Lucha Libre.

I'm afraid not, no.

There's a guy that wrestled

in that league,

went by the name of Gringo Mojo.

Mmm.

Never heard of him.

Got the sh*t kicked out of him

every night.

Everybody booed him.

Grandmas and little kids.

Hell, I bet he lost

hundreds of times.

Must have been

more than 20 years.

Twenty years and he never won?

Journalists asked him one time,

they said, "Hey, Gringo,

what does it feel like

to lose all those times?"

And he looked that guy

in the eye and he said,

"Only time I ever felt

like I lost

was the day I quit getting

in that ring."

Life is a no-holds-barred

death match, Erwin.

You gotta fight like a g*dd*mn

Mexican bull every day.

'Cause the day you stop

throwing punches,

that's the day you lose.

Now,

I reckon there's a reason

you showed up in town

when you did.

I was just hoping,

maybe you could hang around

a little bit longer.

You and me could help

each other out.

Me?

Help you?

The bank is gonna sh**t

my ass off

in about 30 days.

But I think

with your Harvard smarts

and my horse sense,

we can kick the sh*t outta Don

and that little bastard, Chad.

No, okay. Merle,

I don't know. I...

This is not where I belong.

Look, I got damned good people.

They're the best roughnecks

in the country,

but they don't have

your book smarts.

You can help me solve this.

What do ya say?

[soft music playing]

And my car?

Get it on the road

just as soon as we can.

- What else am I gonna do?

- What the hell else

are you gonna do?

- Dammit.

- Drink?

A bottle of mescal

sitting right there.

Knock yourself out.

That's exactly

what I plan on doing.

Whoo!

[rooster crowing]

[snoring]

[radio rings]

[metal clanging]

[Merle] Break for Harvard,

break for Harvard.

Harvard, come on!

- [radio static]

- Get your ears on!

Yeah, uh, 10-4. Okay, Erwin out.

Attaboy. Now get yourself

cleaned up.

I'll be by to pick you up

in a few minutes.

- Merle out.

- [radio static]

[groans]

[sniffles]

[Faye] Here you go.

You okay?

You don't look so good.

- No, I'm fine, just...

- [laughs]

- Oh, bottle bit him

a little bit deep last night.

- Hmm.

Get some of the pigs

and chickens in you.

- That'll make you feel better.

- No, I'm fine, thank you.

Don't let this old coot

be a bad influence on you.

It's a little late for that.

Did you see that?

- Yeah.

- She likes to spank.

- Yeah.

- Alright, now,

you and I gotta go

hunt down an elephant.

- A what?

- That means

that we gotta find a lease

and we gotta drill it.

And we gotta make a strike

that's gonna pump out

about a million barrels.

Right, that sounds easy.

No, it is not.

And we got 25 days to do it.

Twenty-five days.

- Why so long?

- Okay, Ivy League,

give you a little lesson

in geology here. Okay?

These flapjacks,

they represent the basin.

You've got your soil,

rock, sand, and shale.

Now we take all that

Luskey Drilling equipment

and we gotta drill

right through that basin.

Now the earth don't want

holes punched in her,

so she's gonna put up a fight.

That's why it takes 25 days.

Right, okay, 25.

[inhales deeply]

What if we miss?

We can't afford to miss.

We gotta pick the right spot.

We don't have any time

for second chances.

Then, boom, that's a strike.

And there's nothing

sweeter-tasting in the world.

Then, we get fat pockets,

and Old Don,

he and Chad

end up living together.

- That's your plan.

- That's my plan.

Right, okay, uh,

so how do we get this lease?

That's where you come in.

Oh, boy.

- [Roxie giggling]

- How can I say no

to those big brown doe eyes?

Oh, you are so sweet.

And here we are.

All along here,

we've got the plats

and then we have

the water rights.

- Over here are the county

mineral rights.

- Mm-hmm.

Then we have the records

for the 20th century.

And then over here

we have the records

for the 19th century.

But, you will need gloves

to review those, of course.

- Of course. I mean,

it's a no-brainer, duh.

- [sighs]

- Uh...

- That's the lay of the land.

Um, I would love to sit

and chat, Roxie

but I actually have to, um...

- I'm on a tight schedule.

- Oh.

I was hoping

that you could just,

you know,

show me exactly

where that plat map

might be for my client.

And I will just

get outta your hair.

That would be

greatly appreciated.

And I would definitely owe you.

Yeah, plats here.

Tobin's over there.

You gonna be needing copies?

Uh, no, I'll be fine, you know,

I'll just poke around,

I'll find it.

[chuckles] I'll let you poke

around wherever you like.

Oh, boy. Alright.

You're so funny, uh...

Um, no, I'll be fine.

Thank you, Roxie,

you've been a huge help.

Not a bother. I'll be

right around this corner

if you need me.

- Sounds great.

- [chuckles]

- Alright.

- Bye.

[door creaks, closes]

- [line rings]

- [Merle] How's it going?

Yeah, Merle,

get your ass in here

'cause I have no idea

what I'm looking for.

I told you I cannot be

snooping around in there

or they'll think

I'm up to something.

Now, you're the landman, okay?

- This part's on you.

- I'm not a landman, okay?

I'm from Boston.

Now can you please

just come in here

and tell me which filing cabinet

I need to look into.

We need Tobin maps and plats

for Taylor County.

I know, okay, but where's that?

Yeah, ask Roxie

to help you and hurry.

- Don't hang up.

- Merle out.

Just... [exhales]

I gonna k*ll him.

[objects clattering]

- Of course.

- [Roxie] Hey, darling,

you alright in there?

Doin' fine in here, Roxie.

Thank you so much. [grunts]

[sighs]

[soft music playing]

Thank you, Chad.

Thank you very much.

[rustling]

So, quick question.

How do you know which properties

are worth looking at?

Well, Chad undoubtedly

wanted copies

made of lease index cards.

- Looks like you stole

the originals.

- Wait, what?

Locate these leases

on the map.

I'll be right back.

- I just committed a crime.

- Yep.

Now I'm doing all the work.

Um, yeah,

this is every street ever made.

[soft music playing]

Um...

I see what you did there,

Chad. Mm-hmm.

Check. Alright.

South. Hillard's.

Yeah. Merle, I got it.

I found four properties,

but it's kind of hard to read

'cause it's on the smudged part

on the separate map.

Put these on.

Can't have you runnin' around

being a landman

wearing disco clothes.

Well, well, well.

Chad and Don don't have

the nut sack between them

to go looking for oil leases.

They could have somebody

with deep pockets backing them.

Yep. Alright.

We have to find

these people...

- Okay.

- ...on these cards.

- Mm. You want me to take--

- Take that.

- Alright.

- Meet me out in the truck.

[country music plays]

[Erwin] Wait.

Shouldn't we call ahead?

[Merle] No, that's

for Mary Kay representatives.

Just saunter in,

see how it all shakes out.

[Erwin] "Saunter"? I'm afraid

they didn't teach sauntering

at Harvard Business School.

- [sparking]

- [Erwin clears throat]

Uh, hey, there, sir.

Uh, I'd love to speak to you

for a second,

just about your land.

Just for, perhaps,

if you just gimme a second.

No.

Okay, thank you

for the second. Mmm.

[upbeat country music playing]

- [engine stops]

- [truck door opens, closes]

- Hey, Merle.

- Barry, how are you?

Alright, thank you. See,

I heard through the grapevine

that you was, uh,

trying to get you own lease.

Well, I was hoping to.

Well, sorry, Merle,

but there's a young man

named Chad

come out here yesterday

and he made me an offer

I couldn't refuse.

Chad! Chad is not even

a real oil man, Barry.

- Yeah, let's go.

- He works for that bank

in Abilene. Dammit!

- Thank you, sir.

- Thanks, Barry.

- Y'all be careful.

- [Merle] You too.

- Say hi to the missus.

- [truck door slams]

If sh*t goes wrong

with, uh, Chad,

just gimme a call.

[Barry] I'll call you, clear.

[upbeat country music playing]

[car revs]

I hate Chad.

[Erwin] Ah, so this is it.

This is the last one

on the list.

Well, there's

no more cattle here

since Frank passed.

The boys moved to Houston.

They didn't think much

of being ranchers.

- Mmm.

- Well, we're sorry

to hear that, ma'am.

My father gave us this land

as a wedding gift.

Been here ever since.

[Merle] It's a beautiful piece

of property, Miss Hillard.

How many barrels

do you think are under us?

Well, okay, so my family

has been drilling oil wells

in this country

about as long as y'all

have been running cattle.

And I can say

with a fair degree of certainty,

you're sitting on top

of a significant formation.

[breathes deeply]

Okay, I'll sign.

- Oh, uh, yes, ma'am, alright.

- Oh, Miss...

- [chuckles]

- Thank you so much,

Miss Hillard.

- Oh, thank you.

- [Merle laughs] Oh, yeah.

Uh, how soon do you think

you can start?

Well, once we get the lease

filed in the courthouse,

we can start surveying tomorrow.

'Cause I have one week.

Yeah, uh...

You see, I-I had, uh,

I had trouble making the loan

and, uh, after the funeral,

I just couldn't keep up

with the payments.

And they're gonna foreclose

next week.

Yeah, one-one week

is-is not really enough time

- to do anything, Miss Hillard.

- Merle...

By God, if I could do anything,

I would do it. But it's...

If you start tomorrow,

you could work through

the night maybe, all week long.

Yeah, Merle, what if

I handled the paperwork

and I went to the bank?

- You got the rig here...

- Erwin.

Miss Hillard,

this is the reality

of the situation.

We have to survey your property

to determine exactly

where to drill.

Then we have to bring in

the rig, our tanks,

the rest of the equipment.

We have to prep the well site.

And then it'll take

three to four weeks

just to drill down

to the pay zone.

I'm sorry, there's just

not enough time.

I understand.

[somber music playing]

Merle, Merle.

Get in the truck.

We're just not gonna try?

Merle, she said

she would sign, okay?

- Why don't we try?

- Do you know

what you did in there?

You gave that woman false hope.

And that is not what I do.

That's not what

Merle Luskey does.

I tell people the truth.

I understand, but guess what?

We haven't gone to the bank yet.

Maybe we could buy

some more time.

We just have to ask them.

Erwin, you have no idea

what you're talking about.

You're in way over your head.

I drill oil wells.

I don't perform miracles.

Merle, she needs

our help, okay?

You think I don't

wanna help her?

Now get in the truck.

This is our last chance, Merle.

It's over, David!

It's over!

[truck door opens, closes]

[engine starts, rumbles]

[somber music playing]

[insects trilling]

[soft music playing]

[Erwin sighs]

[breathes deeply]

[sighs]

[gentle music playing]

Merle, Merle!

Hey, can I ask you a question?

Yeah.

Why would Don and Chad

only look in this area?

Well, if it was me...

[slams table]

It'd be because there was

a pinnacle reef there.

A what?

Pinnacle reef,

top of the formation.

Right.

The center of the pancake.

And they can't find it,

Merle, right?

And I'm trying to read

what's in the middle of this,

but it's all smudged out.

I can't read it.

They're going

after the elephant

and they can't find it.

Well, the only way

they're gonna find it

is if they look at a seismic.

And what's that?

Seismology map, shows you

all the underground formations.

Oil and gas

deep below the surface.

How do we get our hands

on one of those?

Like who would have one?

You gotta be a big outfit.

An outfit like

an oil company, okay, uh...

SPNA. Is that an oil company?

Sun Pride North America,

that's Max Dugan's outfit.

- You know him?

- He's a good man.

Drilled a bunch

of wells for him.

He's not gonna be in business

with chickenshits

like Don and Chad.

Okay, but we need to get

to a seismic map

before Don and Chad do.

How do we get into Sun Pride?

I know how to do it.

[register dings]

Sign that.

- What the hell is this?

- $500 football.

Uh, $500, you just bought it

from a general store.

It's gonna be worth $500

when you put an autograph on it.

Why would anybody want

a signed autograph

football from me?

Not you, Roy Aikman.

[mumbles]

Wait, who's Roy Aikman?

[Merle] Good God in heaven,

who is Roy Aikman?

Roy Aikman is perhaps

the greatest football player

ever known in the history

of civilization.

- That's my bad.

- All the way back

to Roman Times.

I deserve this, okay.

Max Dugan is his biggest fan.

That's all I needed to know.

Alright, is there anything else

you wanted to say?

Uh, well, the obvious,

"To Max Dugan."

- Right

- Uh, "From..."

No.

Seasons greetings.

"Seasons greetings"?

It's the most joyous time

of the year.

[engine starts]

[Erwin] Okay, here's the plan.

I'm interested in oil.

I studied at Harvard Business

and we're going in

to sweet-talk Max Dugan

into showing us the 3D maps

with a signed football

by Roy Aikman.

[Merle] Yes, Eager Beaver,

sounds like you.

[Erwin] Yeah,

what could go wrong?

- [woman] Good morning,

gentlemen.

- Good morning.

- May I help you?

- Yes, Merle Luskey

of Luskey Drilling Company,

here to see Max Dugan.

- [woman] Mm-hmm.

- [line rings]

Yes, I have Mr. Merle Luskey

to see Mr. Dugan.

- Yes, ma'am.

- [receiver thuds]

- Elevator's just...

- I'm sorry,

Mr. Dugan is all tied up

this morning.

Jesus, I know how big

a fan Max Dugan is

of the Dallas Cowboys.

And I happen to have

this football

signed by Hall of Fame

quarterback,

Roy Aikman.

I guess we'll just...

- Wha-- Oh.

- ...mosey on out.

- Can you validate our parking?

- Roy,

you mean Troy Aikman?

- Troy Aikman, yes.

- [Erwin clears throat]

You know him by his stage name,

but his Christian name

when he was born was Roy.

- Wait, you know--

you know Troy Aikman?

- Yeah.

- Uh, yeah.

- Mm-hmm.

- Yes, I do.

- Hard to believe.

His old daddy and I

used to pull water wells

up there in Henryetta, Oklahoma

when old Troy

was running around

sh**ting bulls in the balls

- with a BB-g*n.

- [chuckles]

He's a prankster.

Uh... [sighs] Candace, uh,

Mr. Luskey has a football

autographed

by Troy Aikman for Mr...

Right, I know, okay.

[receiver thuds]

Mr. Dugan will see you,

second floor.

His personal assistant

will greet you

as you step off the elevator.

- Thank you, Officer Basa.

- [chuckles]

Say, could you give me

one of those?

Oh, absolutely.

I could probably get you one

signed by the whole team.

[both laugh]

[huffs air]

Thought it was a sin

not to know

your quarterback's name.

- [elevator dings]

- Just put a T on it, okay?

You know, sometimes

maybe Troy is pronounced

with a silent T, huh?

Sure thing. You sure

it was the Dallas Cowboys?

[mimics Erwin]

Hello and welcome to Sun Pride.

Mr. Dugan is still in a meeting,

so please have a seat

and he'll be with you shortly.

- Thank you, ma'am.

- Quick question, ma'am. Um...

- Where's the restroom?

- Down the hall

and to the right.

Perfect, alright,

I'll catch you there.

What's going on?

Just gotta get

into character, okay?

Okay, good luck.

Gonna need it.

[Don] I promise we'll get this

back on track, Max.

You have my word.

When have I let you down?

[Max] Chad,

get your ass back in here!

[Chad] Alright, alright,

I'm coming.

[Don] Look, I know Chad's

been a little bit of a problem

but I can-- I can handle it,

we'll get it done.

I don't want

any more excuses, Chad.

Yes, sir, yeah,

consider it done.

[Max] Well, I considered it

done a month ago.

- [door creaks, closes]

- Best pay zone in that area

is under that old codger's ass.

Now I need you to get

that lease for me

or I'll find somebody who will.

Do I make myself clear?

[Chad] Crystal, sir.

[Max] Don, where do we stand

with getting Luskey's equipment?

Has he been foreclosed on yet?

[Don] In progress, Max.

Merle. [clears throat]

We need to talk.

We got a problem.

Big problem, actually.

They're here. Don, Chad,

and your good friend Mr. Dugan,

are all out to get you.

How'd you know it was Max Dugan?

White, slick-backed hair,

thick mustache.

Colonel Sanders looking guy.

sh*t, that's Max.

He's the one behind this, okay?

They're all in there

like a bunch of fat cats

scheming to get you.

- Son of a bitch.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,

wait, not right now.

We can't just go in there

g*ns-a-blazing, alright?

So the 3D seismic is in there.

I did see that.

- Son of a bitch!

- No, no, no, no!

Listen to me, alright?

What we do need

is a distraction.

I just need to get

a photo of it.

- Distraction.

- Yeah.

You mean like

pull a fire alarm?

Nah, that's too big

'cause then

the fire department

will show up and be like,

"Who did it?"

- Cherry-bombing the shitter?

- Are you serious?

- Got one in the truck.

- How is that smaller?

Yeah, you're right,

that is bigger.

Just need, like, to get them out

just for a minute.

That's all we need.

I think I got it.

[mysterious music plays]

Hello.

- [beeps]

- [Merle] Hey, y'all,

it's Mr. Dugan's

80th birthday today.

So everybody come down

to the break room

for cake and donuts, wee-haw.

Holy shiitake mushrooms!

That was some good cake.

Oh, my gosh!

Go ahead and get your fill,

it's in the break room.

I didn't know

it was your birthday.

- It's not my freaking birthday.

- Come on.

And I'm damn sure

not 80 years old.

I hope they have sprinkles.

Happy birthday, Max.

[Max] Don, shut up.

[suspenseful music playing]

Hey. Come on.

[camera clicking]

[gasps]

What the hell

are you doing in here?

What the hell

are you doing in here?

I'm just joking, Mr. Dugan!

It's such a pleasure

to meet you, sir.

Uh, I'm your

three o'clock today.

Roger Thornhill, uh,

at your service, sir,

I'm a freelance reporter

for Oil Man Monthly.

And I'm here to talk to you

about that cover story

we're doing on you next month.

Candace said,

"No, yeah, go ahead

and check it out up there."

No, no, no. I-I have a friend

over at Oil Man Monthly

and he didn't say anything

about a story.

- He didn't, huh?

- No.

Ah, you know,

now that I'm--

It's coming back to me now.

I was supposed to keep that part

a secret for your birthday, sir.

And it ain't

my freaking birthday.

Ha ha! Ah, Candace

obviously misinformed me.

She also sent me up

a little prematurely.

So what I'm gonna do

is I'm gonna wait in that lobby.

Something's not adding up.

Why would Troy

write "f*ck you"

on this football?

Those are angry U's.

It just doesn't make any sense.

- [Max] What's this?

- [Don] Look at that.

Who brought me this?

Mr. Merle Luskey.

Luskey?

[Merle and Erwin] Whoo!

[Erwin] Oh, my gosh,

that was amazing.

[Merle] John Wayne

couldn't have pulled off

a better performance

than old Harvard here.

Those Hollywood assholes

don't know what they're missing.

Well, you two boys look like

you're up to no good.

No, we're just stickin' it

to the man.

Really? Well, be careful.

Or the man might stick you

both in jail.

You know, Robin Hood needs

his Marion next to him,

being chased by the law.

You two keep scheming

and I'll start collecting tips

in case I have to bail you

outta jail.

Robin Hood? Look at you

with literary flirtation.

- I liked the cartoon.

- Yeah?

- Still do.

- Look, I wanna show you this.

It's not the best news though.

This smudged part

is what was on that map

that we couldn't see.

"Scheermeyer will not lease,"

right there.

Gosh, almighty.

Boy, that is just

sitting out there

waiting for some jack-leg

like me to come along...

- I know.

- ...make a deal

and drill a strike.

It's not that simple though,

because this Scheermeyer guy,

for some reason,

is not playing Chad's game.

You know anything about him?

Met him, he's German.

- Something like that.

- Loves sauerkraut.

You two rascals need anything?

- I'm fine.

- Scheermeyer?

What do you need with Alton?

You know that crusty old goat

that lives out there alone?

[chuckles]

He is such a character.

He comes here twice a year

with his prized bull, Eddy.

He stops here on his way

to that big cattle show

in Fort Worth.

- [Merle] Mm-hmm.

- He stops for breakfast

on his way,

dinner on his way back.

He says that Eddy

is just a superstar.

He never wins.

He says he has

too much personality.

That's-- that's him

actually right there.

Very sweet bull.

That's it, that's it.

Holy crap,

how did I forget that?

Okay, Harvard Business,

"Features tell, benefits sell."

So what we have to do

is figure out

what this Scheermeyer's

emotional need is,

which I think is Eddy.

Potentially, maybe we could

make a sale somehow.

That's a bunch of horseshit.

Men out in West Texas

don't have emotional needs.

Oh, please, of course you do.

What are you selling?

She doesn't know?

[clears throat] Well,

it's, uh, it's complicated.

It's involving

being up sh*t's creek

without an inner tube.

A few financial problems

here and there.

Okay, the bank is fixing

to foreclose on Merle.

So we have, what?

Twenty-eight days

to land a lease

on Scheermeyer's land.

Then we start drilling,

hit an elephant,

and then, you know,

we can make it rich

and he can pay off the bank.

Well, that's what's going on.

That is a real doozy.

The only way we can save Merle,

really, is to get Scheermeyer

to sign this lease.

But clearly he doesn't seem

too open to that.

Well, he's never--

never talked to me about it.

I can introduce you

and then the two of you

can do the rest.

You would do that?

- Of course.

- Oh, Faye.

- You'd have my heart.

- Mm, well, I would

just hate to lose

my best customer, that's all.

Is that me?

- [can thuds]

- Maybe Scheermeyer.

[gentle music playing]

Don, we got a problem.

- [knock on door]

- [Faye] Alton, hello?

Ah, sh*t.

He's not there.

Well, we don't have time

for this.

- I know. [sighs]

- [yodeling in distance]

[Merle] Is that yodeling?

Does he sing?

When I'm calling you

Oo-oo-oo-oo

Yeah, you don't like it

if it gets too hot or too hard,

I understand that.

You belong to me.

And I belong to you

You're being a good boy today.

Ah, why is that?

You don't have to look at me

out the corner of your eye.

Um, hi... hi there.

- What?

- It's Faye from the cafe

down in Buffalo Gap.

- How are you?

- [Alton] You're lost?

- Oh, no, no.

- I pay my tabs, ma'am, don't I?

Uh, of course you did.

Uh, um, I was wondering,

if we could bend

your ear for a bit.

What do you mean "we"?

The hose is popped out.

Sorry, I'll turn it off

for a minute.

Um, I wanted to introduce you

to some just wonderful people.

Um, this is Merle Luskey.

Luskey, your Dalton's kid?

He was my granddad,

my dad was Davis.

Yeah, I knew him.

[Faye] And this is

Erwin Vanderveer.

Howdy, sir.

How many syllables

is that, three?

Uh, something like that.

I know it's--

Come on, you had math in school.

Uh, Van-de...

Uh, four, I think.

- How about too many?

- Yeah.

Where are you out of son?

Uh, east, sir, just, uh,

north, just north of here.

There's a lot of north of here

and none of it's worth

a sh*t seeing.

[chuckles]

Yeah, no, I know, but--

So, like, this right here

is the famous Eddy, huh?

Yeah, all 2,000 pounds of him.

- [whistles]

- [Merle] He's a stout one.

I still have that photo of him

up in the cafe.

People ask me about him

all the time.

You're kidding.

Oh, that's great, they should.

Uh, I'm-- I'm sure

you're wondering why

we popped in on you and Eddy.

Madam, you don't have

to hire a plumber

to smell sh*t or see it,

you know?

I know y'all didn't come

down here to talk about Eddy

or to gawk at him.

- Well, uh...

- I don't hear good,

so blow it out.

Well, uh, Mr. Scheermeyer,

uh, I think we have

an opportunity

to scratch each other's backs.

You're gonna scratch my back?

Yes, sir. I mean, if you're

willing to scratch mine.

Very doubtful, but go on.

Well, just hear me out then.

I would love to share with you

some helpful information

that we believe will help you,

but more importantly,

help your Eddy here or Edward,

get that blue ribbon

on that wall.

[water sprinkling]

You know how many lease lizards

there are around here

trying to sell

the same snake oil?

You know how many good people

there are here,

getting screwed every day

by people with pitches?

- Sixty-five hundred feet.

- Excuse me?

Sixty-five hundred feet down,

underneath your property,

I can hit a pay zone.

I'm a driller, Mr. Scheermeyer,

just like my father

and my grandfather.

And I'm just gonna get screwed

in the back end, right?

We'll do all the paperwork

in a little tiny print

I can't even read.

But at the end, all of 'em

get screwed, correct?

We've never done anybody wrong

and taken anybody down

a crooked deal.

Those bastards up in Abilene,

they're trying to tear down

my legacy

and they're the same people

that have paid you

a visit recently.

Uh-huh.

[Merle] I can make you

a fair deal

and we'll go in it

equal partners.

Would you make that deal?

If it was just for me? Maybe.

But if it was to help

a sweetheart like Eddy,

I absolutely would.

What do you think, Eddy,

you buy this sh*t?

Give me at least

a nod or a wink.

You think we can trust him?

[Eddy grunts]

[soft music playing]

- [horn honking in distance]

- What the hell?

- You all sent for other people?

- We-we didn't bring them.

Alright, Mr. Scheermeyer,

now hold on. These two--

I thought I told you two guys

to stay away from here.

You see what this is?

- Okay, alright.

Okay, go, go, go, go, go.

- Oh, sh*t!

This will blow

your g*dd*mn head off.

Now, get outta here.

Get off my property, all of you!

Yeah, you three too!

Partners, my ass.

Every goddamned one of you

get out of my barn now!

There's no oil here.

[somber music playing]

[car door slams]

[Erwin] I know

I haven't known him

as long as you have,

but I know

he appreciates you trying.

[Faye] I just hate that I got

everyone's hopes up,

that's all.

[Erwin] No, I'm glad you did.

And today, you opened the door.

[Faye] Yeah, well, the door

just shut in a good man's face.

Yeah. [exhales deeply]

So what are you gonna do...

[sighs] ...now that

you're not a real oil man?

[Erwin] No idea.

Is that wrong?

You're asking me that question?

- Yeah.

- Okay, look at where I live.

My house is on wheels.

I am the queen of starting over.

You know when you've been

to the barn

as many times as I have been,

you just take it

one whack at a time.

He loves you.

You know that, right?

Yeah, I know.

I might love him too.

[smacks lips] But, uh,

when I get too close,

he always ends up drifting away.

It wasn't always like this?

Yeah, it all started

when he, um...

He lost his son

in a car crash.

- David?

- Mm-hmm.

Yeah, okay.

You're a good...

a good soul, you know that?

Yeah, you got a good heart.

Thank you, Faye.

Thank you.

- Have a good night.

- Bye.

[gentle music playing]

[sighs, sniffles]

[breathes deeply]

Watch those fingers, Mule.

- All eight of them?

- [laughs]

Morning, boss man.

Want a pair of work gloves?

[somber music playing]

No leases.

No.

Well, I guess you should know.

Crew woke up

with these on our door.

That's an offer letter,

drill for another outfit.

[clears throat]

Twice the money.

Four thousand signing bonus.

[sniffs] Sun Pride.

- [paper crumples]

- Of course.

How many's left?

All of them.

sh*t, Merle,

you gave me the reins

when no one else would.

That's the day I knew

I'd throw letters like this

down the deepest hole

I could drill.

[sighs] Yeah.

I just can't keep my feet moving

in this fight anymore, Shay.

Thrown my last punch.

You better get 'em all together.

I gotta give 'em the bad news.

Yes, sir.

I wouldn't throw

that letter away.

[sharp exhale]

I'll get 'em together.

Hey, y'all, listen up!

Family meeting

down here, everyone!

You know, back in the '40s,

my old granddad drilled a well

about three miles from here.

Yeah, they were drilling up

a storm one day

and damn traveling block fell,

kicked off a spark,

the whole thing went up

like a matchstick.

b*rned for two, three days.

My granddad told

a reporter later,

he said, "It's only

when you watch it all burn,

that's when you realize

what really matters."

He didn't give a damn

about the derrick.

He didn't give a damn

about the oil.

Just the folks

that worked for him.

You're all damn good hands.

You're all gonna get hired

real quick.

But this is gonna be

the last well

that we can drill together.

I'll pay you out

what you're owed,

pay you up today.

But, Merle, uh,

w-what about you?

What happens to you?

[Merle]

That's a good question, Carl.

Just have to see

what the wind blows in.

It's damn hard to say goodbye.

Alright, you heard him.

Let's rig out, guys,

back to work.

[somber music playing]

- [Faye] Everything okay?

- Yes, thank you.

[man 1] See, a lot

of these property owners

think they own

the mineral rights

to the properties.

- But that's not something

that necessarily passes down...

- More coffee?

...from generation

to generation.

They don't know that.

This is a big one.

Sun Pride's gonna get

this son of a bitch's oil

whether he signs a lease

with us or not.

[man 2] Whose property's

the big hickey on?

- [woman] Oh, yeah.

- [man 1] His name

is Scheermeyer.

- [man 2] Scheermeyer.

- [man 1] Yeah,

never gonna know what hit him.

[man 2] Well,

I got 11 rigs on order.

[man 1] I think

we need one more.

I think 12 is the magic number.

- Oh, yeah? Holy--

- Oh, my goodness.

I am so sorry!

- Goddammit!

- I cannot believe I did that!

- [utensils clanks]

- Forgive me.

Uh, breakfast is on me,

I'm sorry.

- Yeah, you're damn right it is.

- I'm so sorry.

- Let's get outta here.

- [man 2 groans]

Ah. Clumsy me.

[bell clangs]

[sighs heavily]

Someone's coming.

- [gentle music playing]

- [tires rumbling]

[car door closes]

Mr. Scheermeyer.

You know something?

People like you and me,

we don't really need

anything more

than what we earn ourselves.

But there comes a time when, uh,

we could sure use a little help.

You got it?

- Thank you.

- [Alton] You're welcome, buddy.

How in the hell

did you pull this off?

Oh, this wasn't me.

[gentle music playing]

My saving angel.

Now go kick that banker's ass.

- Hang on to that.

- Yes, sir.

- Shay!

- Yes, boss?

Let's get this rig on the road.

We're back in business.

[whooping]

- [Erwin] Give me the helmet.

Oh, heck, yeah!

- [cheering]

This is it.

- You feel it?

- [chuckles]

You better smell that oil, son.

I think I do.

- [thuds]

- So this is where your...

your data says

to punch the hole.

Yeah, I mean, I got knots

in my stomach right now

because it's definitely

a calculated guess.

Every well

is a calculated guess.

You just gotta stand by it.

Now, listen,

I wouldn't be here

if it weren't

for the two of you.

So from here on out,

we're all equal partners.

Alright.

We gotta strike

the first blow, partner.

[breathes deeply]

[exciting music playing]

[Shay] Alright, welcome

to the new drilling site, boys!

She's named Faye #1.

Shay, gather everybody around.

Yes, boss. Hey, everybody,

eyes down here.

Okay, Harvard's

our new crew member.

- Whoo!

- Sherwin.

Sherwin reporting for duty!

- [Mule] Sherwin in red.

- [laughter]

- That's what

I'm talking about, man.

- You like paperwork?

Now listen up.

This next well is our well,

and I own the lease.

But all of you

have stuck with me

through some pretty salty times,

I'm gonna take care of you

once we make a strike.

Now, look, the pinnacle reef

is either down there

or it's not.

By the grace of God,

we're gonna find it.

And with the bank

staring down my ass,

we're gonna drill this thing

wide open

and we got 21 days to do it.

How deep we drilling, boss?

Uh, so...

we're looking

at about 6,500 feet.

Boss, there ain't no way

we can go 6,500 in three weeks.

- It'll take a good four.

- [Merle] Bullshit, Virgil,

'cause we're bullheadin'

wide open

all the way to the basement.

You got it?

- [Erwin] Got it.

- Alright, let's get to work.

[Shay] You heard him, boys,

let's get to work, assholes!

- Erwin. Gloves.

- Yeah. Right.

- Hard hat. Yes, sir.

- Safety first. Yeah.

Alright, you got everything?

Can I get like a wet wipe

or something?

- No.

- Okay.

- Call if you need me.

- Yeah.

Alright, Faye 1. Let's go.

- [machinery rumbling]

- [exciting music playing]

We got a show!

[exciting music playing]

Let's go, let's go.

We'll sleep when

that hole's through! Let's go!

[Erwin] What's the depth, Shay?

Looking at 1258, Harvard.

Roger that.

We're fixin' to make a well,

you idiots!

[exciting music

continues playing]

Yeah.

- [Shay] Okay?

- No, we're good.

[taps machinery]

Let's go, let's go.

[Shay] Kelly down!

Shay, any update?

[Shay] Pipe's going down.

The oil ain't coming up.

[calm music playing]

[machinery rumbles, stops]

We ought to do a quick

rig service. Chow time!

- [Erwin] No pickles, right?

- [Faye] Ah...

- Ah, you did it again.

- You know what, you gotta

pick your pickles out.

- Sorry, sorry.

- Oh, good deal.

- Yeah. For you.

- Thank you.

How long is it gonna take

to finish the service?

About five more minutes,

we'll be up and running.

- Mmm.

- Although with Mule,

it might be seven.

- [Faye] Yummy.

- Alright, takeaway. Thank you.

Hey, Virgil. You hear that?

[metal rumbling in distance]

- Hmm.

- Yeah.

What is that?

[metal rumbling in distance]

sh*t, that's close.

Hey, what are they doing?

- sh*t, it's open!

- Faye, go, go, go! [grunts]

- [g*nf*re]

- Take cover.

[Shay] What the hell

are they sh**ting at?

They're sh**ting

at the rig. Get down!

Virgil, what's going on?

I don't know!

They knock out that engine,

we're done for!

Merle, where are you going?

Merle!

What are you doing?

- Hey!

- Get down!

Merle! Get down!

Sons of b*tches!

Ah!

[grunts, groans]

Merle! You are crazy!

- Wait--

- [groans]

Faye, wait, don't! Faye!

[sh**t] sh*t!

Get us out of here!

[whirring]

[Merle grunting, groaning]

- [panting]

- [Erwin] Merle! Merle!

Wait a minute.

- [Merle] Let me go peacefully.

- That's not blood.

- What?

- It's whiskey.

- Oh!

- Oh, my God.

You lucky son of a bitch.

Anybody but Virgil,

the last person to see.

- Oh, my God.

- He's alright.

Oh, my God, it's your flask.

- Uh, flask?

- Your flask saved your life.

- So much was in there.

- Oh, my God.

- I think you're alright.

- Oh, my God.

- Oh, Jesus.

- Oh, my God.

Okay, is everybody alright?

- Yes, sir.

- Keepsake.

[breathes deeply]

Let's get back to work.

- Oh, Merle.

- What?

Yeah, you heard him,

check the rig.

- You're joking, right?

- [groans] Huh? Let's go, Shay.

- You're not serious.

Get back to work?

- Yeah.

Your entire crew

just gets sh*t at

and you say get back to work?

Are you crazy? No.

What we should be doing is,

I just got that entire thing

on video.

We should be going to the police

and finding out who did that.

- That's all we should be

doing right now, Merle!

- I got a well to finish.

Those sons of b*tches

are right there

trying to take it

all away from me.

- Merle, I almost just d*ed!

- Get your ass back to work

or you're fired!

- Everybody, let's go.

- "Fired"?

- [Shay] You heard him.

Let's go, boys, move out.

- He's the boss, Erwin.

- Let's go, Shay.

- Check that engine

real good, Mule.

- Alright, let's roll.

- Fire it up.

[Shay] Yes, boss.

Give me the all clear.

- All clear.

- [engine rumbling]

[soft music playing]

[Merle] One more day,

I think we're gonna get there.

You really are willing to risk

everything, aren't you?

Yes, I am.

Did that ever come

between you and David?

Yeah, there was a lot

that came between...

David and I.

Yeah, Faye told me

what happened to him.

It's just...

It's an odd thing about life.

You think you're gonna

have someone

as long as you live

and then one day

they're just gone.

No goodbye.

We get so busy

trying to get ahead,

take care of everybody.

Sometimes you just end up

pushing people away.

I think your father means well.

He just tries too hard.

I just feel like...

I've never been given

the opportunity

to make him proud.

Tell him that.

It may surprise you how...

how much he can actually hear.

[sniffles, grunts]

Give him a call though,

when we're bust.

I think you both deserve it,

another chance.

Well, Mr. Scheermeyer,

it's the last day

and still nothing.

We still have

until five o'clock,

but then the bank's

gonna shut us down.

Yes, sir.

sh*t.

[machinery rumbling]

Hey, Virgil,

what's happening now?

Until the drilling

breaks from a rate

of six minutes a foot

to 15 seconds a foot,

you got nothing.

But, if she breaks,

it'll be like drilling

a damn snowbank.

Merle, what she at?

6,526. Where's that reef?

Supposed to be at 6,500!

[machinery rumbling]

Kelly down!

- [Erwin] Kelly down?

- We gotta add another piece!

Kelly down.

[tense music playing]

Ugh.

- [radio beeps]

- Hey, Merle,

bank's here

to shut you down, buddy.

- Time!

- 4:46.

You're 14 minutes too early.

Let's go.

They're not shutting down.

Let's go, Jack.

Let's go, Max is coming.

- [radio beep]

- I can't hear you, Donnie.

Let's go, Jack.

[thuds]

Why did I bring you out here?

[tense music playing]

[Shay] Mmm... whoa!

Connection made, let's go!

Let's go, run her wide open.

[Shay] Yes, boss, wide open.

Alright, I'm gonna go

deal with Max.

Max.

Time to collect, boys.

Alright, let's go, Jack.

Hey, you know it's not time yet.

Shut up, Jack.

Get your ass up there.

Come on, Jack, let's go.

Time to go. Shut 'em down.

[suspenseful music playing]

We're getting gas cut by.

Keep circulating.

- I got it, boss.

- Virgil, let's go check

those cuttings.

Good odor.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

Damn good odor.

Their time's up, Jack.

Time to shut 'em down.

Time to shut 'em down.

Hey, Merle!

- What is that?

- You hear that?

[rumbling]

- Yeah.

- Don. Don.

[cows mooing]

- sh*t.

- Oh, no, no!

Open the door, Jack!

- [laughs]

- Open the door, Jack!

- [laughs]

- Jack! Open the door!

Open the door, Jack!

Open-- [screams]

Open the door!

- I hate you, Jack, I hate you!

- [Jack laughing]

Bull's-eye.

Get Don on the phone now!

Don! Shut Luskey down!

I'll make it happen. Chad!

- Get your ass up here.

- Alright.

It's time for you

to earn your money!

Will you do something?

Just do your job!

Break, you son of a bitch!

[gentle music playing]

[rumbling]

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

- [rattling]

- [rumbling]

[machinery rattling, rumbling]

Merle. That flow rate

is spiking awfully fast!

Stay in there!

- Ha! What?

- Yeah.

- [rumbling]

- Virgil?

Whoo! Holy cow!

[Merle] Alright. Now, the horn!

She's ready to blow!

[honks]

Alright, Shay. Let's go!

Merle! Merle!

[rattling, rumbling]

[liquid rushing]

[thudding]

[inaudible]

[gentle music playing]

[cheering, whooping]

Good job.

Let's get outta here.

- [car drives away in distance]

- [squeaks]

[gentle music playing]

- [utensils clink]

- [Erwin sighs]

[Erwin chuckles]

I'm gonna miss this place.

I would too.

Think I'm finally gonna buy it.

Hallelujah.

Despite our best efforts,

I think you're gonna be alright.

Oh, Faye.

Oh, I'm gonna miss you.

I'm gonna miss you too.

[inhales, kisses]

Mmm. Okay.

Come on outside,

I got something to show you.

[bell clangs]

[engine rumbling]

[laughing]

- No way.

- Recognize that?

Merle, what the--

She's not a piece

of sh*t anymore!

Look at this thing!

Yeah, we can't have

no oil tycoon

going back to California

in a piece of sh*t.

- Are those new rims?

- [car door opens]

It's a bit early

for a Christmas present.

Hey.

Why don't you go on

and open it?

- [soft music playing]

- [paper rustling]

Genuine chocolate lizards.

You're an oil man now.

Just like my David.

[gentle music playing]

Can't thank you enough, Merle.

You better get outta here.

[car door closes]

[revs]

[line rings]

Hey, Dad, it's Erwin.

[upbeat country music playing]

["Funny Feeling"

by Graham Wilkinson playing]

[song fades]
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