04x01 - RuPocalypse Now!

[bunniefuu]

- Charisma.

Uniqueness.

Nerve.

Talent.

We've raised the bar on grace

and beauty so high

that now there's

only one place to go...

[drum roll]

[cheering]

[yelping]

Over...

the m*therf*cking...

top.

- Let's not get it twisted.

- Hold on, bitch.

[camera clicking]

- More booty.

- Welcome to Tuckahoe Prison

for Ladies.

- Hello.

[dog barking]

- More sassy stars.

- I don't know why they book me

on these chicken-sh*t Gigs.

[laughter]

- More drama.

- [speaking Spanish ]

- Get out.

- Your fake-ass hoe.

- All right,

you tired-ass showgirl.

- At least

I am a showgirl, bitch.

Go back to Party City,

where you belong.

- For the first time

in Drag Race history,

and a finale,

we are breaking all the rules...

- Oh, my god.

- That will be the most

sickening ever.

- [gagging]

- Hey!

- ♪ Jesus is a biscuit ♪

♪ Let him sop you up ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

- RuPaul's Drag Race...

[laughter]

Is about to spin out of control.

- Pew, pew.

- In three...two...one...

- [snarls]

- [laughs]

My name's Willam.

I'm 29.

Ooh, a 26.

Damn, we got some big girls.

I hope they don't have diabetes.

I didn't come up

through the club system.

I'm an actor.

I've done TV, I've done film.

Sex in the City, The District,

Criminal Minds,

and a show that was, like,

a multi-story arc.

I think I'm

the skinniest one; yay!

I'm a successful drag queen,

and not some bitch

who has to show for a dollar.

Now no one else can have it.

- My name's Lashauwn Beyond.

I'm 21 years old.

Hi, queen one.

- Hi.

- Lashauwn Beyond is the main

attraction for the circus.

She just has a lot of fun.

- Your hair's too big

for the frickin' door.

- I know, right?

- Hi.

- What's good, ladies?

My name is Jiggly Caliente.

I'm 30 years old from Queens,

New York, baby.

Wow.

Jiggly Caliente is New York

City's plus-size Barbie.

She got swag for your nerve.

You can't take her.

You look really familiar, Mom.

- Me?

- Yeah.

Oh, now I know who you is.

- You must have a television.

- Oh, hell no, you didn't.

- Well, hello, hello.

- Hi.

- How are y'all doing?

- How are you?

- Good, wow.

- My name is Phi Phi O'Hara.

I am 25 years old.

Are you guys excited

for the first challenge?

- No, we're not.

- You're not excited?

- Duh, yeah.

- Oh.

- [laughs]

- Hiya.

- [shrieks]

- I am Madame LaQueer.

I'm 29 years old.

- Your lips are amazing.

- Perra.

- Thank you.

- Give 'em here.

"Per..."

What does that mean?

- "Perra" is like saying,

"Oh, bitch."

- Sickening.

- Oh.

I'm gonna learn Spanish

by the time I win.

- What?

- Huh?

- Hey, there's a new girl

in town.

Let's get to business.

- Broadway just hit our stage.

That, or they picked up

a pimp off the street.

- Cash or credit card?

- My name is Milan,

I'm 36 years old,

and I'm from New York City.

Hey! Oh, my gosh.

Milan is fierce.

She is fabulous, she's a diva,

she can act, sing, dance,

produce, and you don't want it

from her.

[laughs]

- Hi.

- Hello.

How y'all trannies doing?

- Hi.

- Hi, wow.

- My name is Alisa Summers,

I'm 23 years old,

and I'm from Tampa, Florida.

I am definitely a fishy queen.

I can walk down a street.

You know, I don't really

get clocked.

People are looking more so

at how big my titties

and ass are.

I'm ready, girl.

[cheering]

- Bonjour, ladies.

I'm Dida Ritz, I'm 25 years old,

and I'm from Chicago.

[screams]

Oh, my god, you're here!

Oh, my god.

Dida Ritz is...if you

think about Beyonce

and Carrie Bradshaw

and Kimora Simmons

and they all three got together

and somehow had a baby.

- Dida Ritz look a mess.

That dry-ass wig

and that awful-ass make up.

- Oh, my god.

- So we don't have any

backwoods girls yet, huh?

- Hello. Hi.

I'm the princess.

I'm 32 years old.

- You look sickening.

- Thank you.

I'm a reserved extrovert,

and I think

putting on the makeup

and the wig and the costume

unleashes her.

This is crazy.

It is so insane.

Wow, wow, wow.

- Hi, girls.

My name is Kenya Michaels.

I have 21.

I am from the island

of enchantment, Puerto Rico.

We are two Puerto Ricans.

- [laughs]

- Mama.

I'm a little person,

but I'm a fierce...bitch.

- What's her name?

- Huh?

Kenya.

- Kenya?

She's cute. f*ck.

Kenya looks fishy.

I was like,

"Crap, now I'm gonna have to be

the funny one

and not the pretty one."

- Morning, b*tches.

Hey, everybody.

How y'all doing?

- Good.

- My name is Chad Michaels.

I am 40 years old.

- Shut the Cher show down.

Don't nobody do anything Cher

or Cher-adjacent.

- Yeah, 'cause

we're gonna have to row.

- Hi.

- Hi, baby.

Chad Michaels

is first and foremost

a celebrity impersonator.

That's my passion.

Cher has been what I'm most

well-known for.

This is my work outfit, baby.

- Cher comes to her for tips.

- [laughs]

I really do my best

to impersonate her with reality.

Like, you'll never see "ho!"

I will never do that

because she doesn't do that.

- How you doing?

- How you doing?

- I'm doing all right.

- I immediately saw Cher,

so I want to see what else Chad

has to offer.

[cheers and laughter]

- My name is Sharon Needles,

I'm 29 years old,

and I'm from Pittsburgh,

Pennsylvania.

I look spooky,

but I'm really nice.

At least for now.

- My first impression

of Sharon Needles

was "Wow, what a whack job."

- Yes, the princess.

I'm the queen.

- The three words that would

describe Sharon Needles

are "beautiful," "spooky,"

and "stupid."

- Ow!

Eat it.

My name is Latrice Royale.



- Hi, I'm Willam.

- Latrice.

- I'll hold your bag for you.

- Oh, I know you will.

[whoops]

Home team, home team.

- Miss thing came painted.

She had stones on her face,

and she was giving me all that.

- [delighted exclamation]

Latrice Royale is large

and in charge.

Chunky yet funky.

Wow.

Bold and beautiful, baby.

Mm-hmm.

Girl, the shade,

the shade of it all.

- The season four family.

- Look at this here, honey.

[cheers and applause]

- I want to know if I'm

the oldest bitch in the cut.

- You have to be.

[laughter]

[sirens]

[exclaiming variously]

- Girl, you've got she-mail.

[electronic sizzle]

We are living

in desperate times.

Birds falling from the sky,

dead fish fouling the sea,

once-fertile areas becoming

dusty, dried-up wastelands...

and that was just my last visit

to the lady doctor.

[laughter]

This is a test...

this is only a test...

to find out which one

of my girls

has the charisma, uniqueness,

nerve, and talent

to snatch the title of America's

next drag superstar.

You are the hope

for future generations

of glamazons everywhere.

Ladies, tighten your tucks.

This is the beginning

of the rest of your life.

[progressively quieter]

Life... life...life...life...

life... life...life...life...

life...

[laughter]

[cheers and applause]

- Hello, hello, hello!

Welcome to RuPaul's Drag Race.

[cheers and applause]

Now, enjoy this moment.

Because it won't last for long.

Now, you've signed on

for a competition

that requires severe stamina

and devastating acts of beauty.

But if you dream big

and play to win,

it will all be worth it.

In addition to winning the title

of America's

next drag superstar,

the champion

of RuPaul's Drag Race

will receive a lifetime supply

of NYX cosmetics,

a one-of-a-kind trip

courtesy of ALandCHUCK.travel,

and headline

Logo's Drag Race Tour,

featuring Absolut Vodka:

cocktails perfected.

But wait, there's more.

- More?

- America's next drag superstar

will walk away

with a cash prize of...

$100,000.

[cheers and applause]

- Oh, my god.

- When I heard $100,000,

I just wanted

to just pee on the floor

and start doing flip-flops.

- That's the good news.

But here's the bad news.

- Oh, here we go.

- Okay.

- You may need to spend

that prize money quickly

because, according

to the Mayan calendar,



This week,

you'll need to survive

the biggest drag disaster

of all time.

[distorted voice]

The Rupocalypse.

[cheers and applause]

- Bring it on, bring it on!

- Oh, wait a minute.

Somebody's missing.

- No, no, no, no, no.

- Somebody is missing.

- 13, 13.

- 13, it's complete.

- I know.

Oh, pit crew.

[cheers and applause]

- Oh, my god.

- I'm sitting on that box,

it ain't opening.

- I'm going to kick that box.

- All right, boys,

let me see what you got.

- Hallelu, I'm back, b*tches!

[scattered groans and applause]

Yes!

I'm back, b*tches.

- Oh, hell to the no.

It's time to make room

for new queens.

- New queens?

- Yes, ma'am.

- Well, what about you, Ru?

- Oh, bitch.

Oh, you know what...

[laughter and chatter]

Pit crew,

take this box out back,

throw in a rabid honey badger...

- Yes!

- Work!

- And set it on fire!

[cheers and applause]

- What about my money!

Hallelu!

- Bye.

- Hallelu. Hallelu.

Hallelu, love you, Hallelu.

Let that be a lesson

to all of you.

My show, my rules.

Now, are you ready

for your close-up?

[cheers and applause]

- Today we have

our photo challenge,

and RuPaul said that we should

be ready for the Rupocalypse.

I'm really, really excited

to see what's gonna happen.

- Hello, Chad Michaels.

- Hi, Ru.

- I want you to meet

our favorite photographer,

Mike Ruiz.

Now, he's here to sh**t

your totally toxic photo spread.

- Okay.

- Now, the pit crew

will be using their hoses

to spray you

with hazardous waste.

All of this while you spin

around in this toxic dump.

- I'm a soldier and I'm ready.

- All right.

- I want the queens

to embody the apocalypse,

but maintaining,

like, a lot of beauty

and fashion sensibility.

- Think Karen Silkwood, darling.

[camera flashes]

- Uh-oh.

- Electric storm.

- Find your li...

- Careful.

- Today just threw me

off balance.

And I was a little bit wobbly,

but I got through it,

got my bearings.

- Play to the camera.

- That queen is poison.

Dida Ritz.

- Beautiful, yes.

Give me, like,

crazy body shapes.

- You are a survivor, darling.

Grace Jones, darling.

- Beautiful.

- Give us toxic shock. Yes.

- Oh, beautiful.

To the camera, to the camera.

- Whoa!

- Oh.

You're traveling back in time.

- Back in time, darling.

- Kenya has such

a beautiful face,

but she does this really weird

thing with her mouth.

Her mouth is, like, wide open,

like she's trapping flies.

- Give it to Puerto Rico!

Beautiful.

Milan, find the camera.

- Don't cover your face.

Don't cover your face too much,

thank you...hold on!

- Ooh!

- You're spinning

out of control, girl!

- Yes.

Mahogany 2012, darling.

Sharon Needles.

- Hi, Ru.

- Did I meet you

at the free clinic?

- I think so.

I quit going.

It's so expensive.

- [laughs]

- Give me Chernobyl chic.

- Shocking beauty.

Give us some body.

- [yelps]

- Okay, now find the camera.

[yelping in slo-mo]

- Uh-oh.

- Topsy-turvy, topple over,

fatty.

And I'm like, "damn."

- Queen down!

- I couldn't let my fall

be the death of me.

- End of the world glamour.

That's right.

- Pucker your apoca-lips.

- We got it.

- ♪ Fabulous ♪

Alisa Summers,

give us the drama now.

- Yeah, just slide your hair

out of your face a little bit.

I want to see

that gorgeous face.

Yes, but beautiful.

You're not afraid,

you're giving me beauty.

- Aftershock.

Glow, baby, glow.

- How'd it go, mama?

- [sighs]

Spinning me all crazy.

- I've got get

out of my undergarments.

You're going to see

that I'm really

a 300-pound Latino here

in a second.

- Oh, man,

she said "300-pound Latino."

Sharon Needles.

She creeps me the f*ck out.

- Oh, Lord.

- Oh, my God.

I feel like I need

to pray the rosary

when I'm talking to you.

It was hard to have

a conversation and not cringe.

- Girl, look what this duct tape

did to me.

- Ooh, you did get

a little rug burn there,

didn't you, mama?

- The duct tape for what?

- I taped my titties up today...

- Oh.

- And because I

was in it for so long,

and it was pain...

I just ripped it off.

- Oh, my god, wait, come here.

- Look.

- You know, the stakes are high,

but damn.

- Give me all

of your Princess fierceness.

- I think the pit crew

just sh*t on your chest.

Princess of the apocalypse.

- Yes, tortured!

Make it severe.

- Yes.

- Like angry?

- No, not angry, beautiful,

gorgeous.

Uh-huh.

- Hello, vanity.

- Ooh.

- Only your beauty will survive

the apocalypse.

- That's right.

Make love to the camera

for the very last time.

- Beautiful.

- Tina Turner,

Lashauwn Beyond Thunderdome.

Madame LaQueer.

There's a hole in your ozone.

Now fill it.

- [panicked sounds]

- Give me beauty face.

Madame LaQueer

was giving me comedy face

when I really wanted

high-fashion face.

Give me beauty.

- The last cover of O Magazine.

It burns so good.

Let them have it, Latrice.

- [squawks]

- Oh, ooh, work it.

Yes, back to the camera.

A little sexier.

- I don't do photo sh**t.

I don't like 'em.

I don't never know what to do.

I feel awkward and just, like,

"What do you want me to do?"

- Face-f*ck the camera, Latrice.

- What?

- Cue the aftershock.

- Electroshock.

- [yelping and laughing]

- Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!

Queen down, queen down.

- Ooh.

[laughs]

- Were those your underwear?

- Wait a minute,

are those your panties?

- Ooh, yes.

- Keep spraying her.

- They're artificially

inseminating her

with that toxic waste.

Dr. Schwartz at your cervix.

Willam.

- Hi.

As soon as I walked in

and saw some body splatters

like a crime scene,

I'm like,

"Yes!

Some of these b*tches fell."

sh**t me.

- Release the kraken.

- Remember to always...

- Ooh, careful.

all: Ohh!

- It ain't happenin'!

- Good save. Yes.

- There you go.

- You've saved the world.

- Go home.

Go home.

- [laughs]

- It was a total shocker

to see how these girls looked

as boys.

- Oh, my god, the princess.

I was like,

"Dude, you look

like a construction worker."

Latrice...she went from looking

like Aretha Franklin

to Biggie Smalls.

- Everybody's so tiny

without shoes and hair.

Y'all don't look

like such a thr*at no more.

- [laughs]

- Kiss my ass.

- Ooh!

Now, wait a minute,

let's all get along.

There's no fighting.

- Willam is getting

on my nerves.

Shut up, bitch,

and just go back in that box

where Shangela

popped out of and...leave.

- I just want to say

that I love everyone,

and can we all just get along?

- Shut up.

- Oh, what?

- She wants to get along

with everybody.

I don't know.

- Oh.

- Every one of you.

I love you all.

The first day,

at least just try to get along.

And wait till a bitch

steals something of yours

or sabotages you,

and then you can wreak.

But let's not walk in here

like you own the sh*t.

[cheers and applause]

Ooh, I'm not a virgin.

I don't want a virgin cocktail.

- Hello, hello, hello.

[cheers and greetings]

I don't know

who these people are.

- We're robbing you.

- Now, ladies, Mike and I

went over your totally

toxic photos.

One of you

was truly drop-dead gorgeous.

The winner of your very first

challenge is...

Jiggly Caliente.

- Yeah!

Yes!

Fat girl win the first

challenge!

- Con-drag-ulations, Jiggly.

- Thank you, mama.

- I love your totally

toxic photo so much,

I'm gonna tweet it tonight.

Hashtag Rupocalypse.

- [taunting singsong sound]

- Now, my queens,

I wish you sweet dreams

because tomorrow

is gonna be a living nightmare.

- Oh, sh*t.

She's going to put us

through something,

and it's not gonna be pretty.

- All right.

- Bye.

all: Bye!

- You won the first challenge.

- Whoo!

- Good job, boo, good job.

- Thank you.

- They brought us

to this old hotel

in the middle of a sketchy area.

And I'm like,

"What are they gonna do?"

- Ladies, I've invited you

to this godforsaken place

for this week's main challenge.

It's here that you will scavenge

among the ruins

to put together

a fabulous outfit

that screams

post-apocalyptic couture.

Now, you can use your own wigs,

undergarments, and shoes,

but the rest has to be looted.

Now, you're probably wondering,

"Ru, where am I going to get

all these materials?"

[laughs]

Well, you know what they say...

only three things will survive

the Rupocalypse:

Cockroaches,

Cher...

- Amen.

[laughter]

- And drag queen zombies!

- What?

[doors creaking ominously]

[snarling and groaning]

- The zombies

were scary as hell.

They got, like, guts coming out

and eyes popping out.

I'm like, mm-mmm, no, ma'am.

- When I saw the zombies comin'

after me,

I was about to hit it.

- [snarls]

- All right, you've got three

minutes to grab what you can.

And avoid being eaten alive.

Gentlemen, start your engines.

And may the best woman live.

[whimpers]

[zombies groaning]

- Give it, bitch!

- So I'm running around

in between these zombies

and I realize that they're

former competitors

from competitions past.

Shannel, Venus,

Morgan McMichael's, Delta Work.

- I got to see Akashia, Raven,

Pandora Boxx, Ongina.

- Drop it, bitch.

- Oh, maybe some...oh, oh, yeah,

you're not a zombie.

For a quick second, I thought

Chad Michaels was a zombie.

It's just that Halloween mask

of a face that she has.

- Mine.

- Give me that, give me that,

give me that.

No, no, no, no, no.

Bitch, bitch, you crazy.

I'm from new York, m*therf*cker.

- Oh, well, of course, a corset.

- Girl!

- I'm looking

for anything sparkly,

anything structured,

anything that I can glue

onto a costume that I create,

and then, after that,

I just start

grabbing everything.

- Sorry, girls.

- [screeches]

- Oh! Hi.

Oh, you're drop dead gorgeous.

Ooh, I dig the look.

Oh, no, honey, I'm on your side.

- When I saw the zombies

and then Sharon Needles,

I thought she probably felt

like she was at home.

- God, it's like

a family reunion.

Hey, sorry, sis.

- [screams]

Black people don't stand there

while zombies

are coming at them.

They run, bitch.

[screaming]

[snarling and growling]

[indistinct yelling]

[objects clattering]

- [screaming]

No, no!

[screams]

Oh, Hallelu!

Oh, Hallelu!

[munching sounds]

[emergency alarms sounding]

- Welcome back, girls.

[cheering]

- We get back to the workroom,

and there's more supplies

to help us with our outfits.

And everybody just went off.

- Can we flip this over?

- Uh-uh-uh.

- I grabbed it.

- We're like drag queen savages

who've been locked up.

We were just tearing each other

apart to get in these boxes.

- That sh*t's mine!

Everything in here is mine.

- Oh.

- Oh, f*ck.

- Thank god I'm good at math.

One small corset

plus another small corset

equals one fat-ass

corset, bitch.

[laughter]

[hammering]

- Get it, Lashauwn, get it.

- Going to break

that m*therf*cker.

- So Ru tells us

that we have to make

a "post-apopaloctic" outfit,

and I don't know

what that means.

It's the end of the world.

I sew for a living.

And I can't go down the runway

lookin' a fool.

- Yay, I got it.

- Lashauwn thinks he's Magellan,

splitting the earth in half

or something.

- I don't think art historians

would appreciate that.

- I don't know what she's doing.

Lashauwn might be going home.

- Hello, hello, hello.

all: Hi.

- Let's get this

end-of-the-world party started.

Hi, Princess.

Wow, what do we have here?

- I'm kind of going

for Rupocalypse

meets Black Swan

meets the princess.

- Oh, okay.

- Yeah, yeah.

- How does this say

"end of the world"?

- Well, it's

kind of armor.

Like, if a ballerina

were preparing

for, you know, a comet.

- Mmm.

But I'm looking

for post-apocalyptic couture,

Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome.

- So after the comet

has landed, then?

- Yes.

- Okay, I got you.

I'm definitely nervous

about how much time

we have left.

I just need to rethink and redo.

- I'm gonna let you get to it.

- Okay, cool.

- I can't wait.

- Thank you.

- All right.

Well, Sharon Needles.

- Hi, Ru.

- Wow. Tell me about this.

- I'm kind of going

for a Linda Hamilton,

Beauty and the Beast,

trapped under the city

because of an impending

nuclear dust cloud, and...

- Now, I love all that,

but how are you

going to make that read

on the main stage?

- I am a little nervous.

I'm worried that the judges

aren't going to quite

get the look, but...

to get anywhere

in this competition,

you got to take a risk.

- I noticed you have a Tammy

Faye Bakker tattoo on your arm.

- I do.

She was a huge idol to me

as a kid.

I didn't even know

she was selling Christianity.

I thought

she was selling me makeup.

- [laughs]

All right, I'm going to let you

get back to work, okay?

- Okay, thank you.

- Lashauwn Beyond.

- Hi, Ru.

- What do we have here?

- Well, this is just a top.

And that's my hair.

I'm gonna make it

look expl*sive.

- That's your hair?

- Yes.

- Wow.

- I want to dye it,

but I'm still trying

to be couture and pretty.

- So the silhouette is gonna

be a traditional silhouette,

where it's a bustier

and a full bottom.

- I'm not too sure yet.

- You're not sure yet?

You know, there's $100,000

at stake here.

- I know.

- And you don't seem too worried

about the time here.

- I am, I am, I am.

- Huh.

Well, time is running out...

- You're right.

- For all of us.

- I know.

- You've got

a lot of work to do,

and there's $100,000

on the line.

- Stop reminding me. Oh, my god.

- Yeah, so...

- It's making me sweat.

- I'm not finished,

so I'm really feeling a certain

type of way.

I don't know.

I don't know what to do.

Oh, Lord.

- You have got

to make it happen.

- I will.

- All right, thanks, Lashauwn.

- Take care.

- Jiggly Caliente.

- Hey, mama.

- May I call you Jiggly?

- Of course, mama,

everything jiggles.

- [laughs]

Now, tell me about this

post-apocalyptic couture.

- This is my Escape from New

York post-apocalyptic outfit.

- Ah.

- So I need my solar panel

pieces

to make my lights light up.

- I don't see a real dress.

- I'm gonna wear a corset.

And I'm finishing that up

with some more...

garbage.

- All right, listen.

I'm gonna let you

get back to work.

- Yes, mama.

- So you just bring it.

- I will, definitely.

- Alisa.

- Hi, Ru, how are you?

- Hey, mami.

Now, what do we have here?

- This is what I will be wearing

after the Rupocalypse.

- [laughs]

You are a breastplate girl,

aren't you?

- It's basically a swimsuit

with some titties on it.

- Hey.

- Hello.

- Now, you know

that the judges are...

let's just say they're

a bunch of b*tches.

- Yeah.

- Are you ready for that?

- Oh, I'm so ready.

I'm sure that they're gonna

love it.

- Listen, you've got to bring

your game.

- Oh, I'm doing it, Ru.

- All right, get back to work.

- All right, Ru.

See you later.

- Latrice Royale.

- Well, hello, Ru.

- Sounds like a gorgeous

after-dinner cocktail, yes.

- Sweet and delicious.

- All right, honey.

Ooh, you're making me thirsty.

Now, listen, I've lived

a long time,

and I've had those years

where it felt like

it was the end of the world

as we know it today.

- Yes.

- What was your end-of-the-world

moment?

- Really, you really

want to know?

- Mm-hmm.

- Um...when I went to prison.

I went to prison.

Um, I made some stupid mistakes,

and I got 18 months in, uh...

in the hole.

And during that period,

I lost my mom.

- Mmm.

- And those were my worst two

fears come true.

That was a dreadful,

tragic year for me.

I couldn't even go to my

mother's funeral.

It was the most

degrading experience

I've ever had in my life.

But I'm a survivor,

I'm a fighter,

and I persevered

through triumph,

you know what I mean?

- Yeah.

- I had a plan when I got out.

And my community

came to my rescue.

They had a "Get Latrice Royale

back on her feet

and on the stage" benefit.

- Wow.

- And it worked.

Now I'm on RuPaul's Drag Race,

living my dream.

- I love it.

All right, kiddo.

Get back to work.

- Thank you, sweetie.

- All right.

All right, ladies, gather

'round.

Now, tomorrow, you'll make your

doomsday debut

on the main stage,

where we'll be joined

by our extra-special guest

judge,

one of my best girlfriends...

the mistress of the dark,

Elvira, will be here.

[cheers and applause]

- I'm so excited, I can't even

put it into words.

She's my idol since I was five

years old.

- Ladies, the human race

depends on you for the survival

of drag.

But if you fail, it's not the

end of the world.

Oh, wait a minute, it is.

So don't f*ck it up. Bye.

all: Bye.

- Good morning.

Yay.

- Mama, what a mess.

- This is a freakin'

disaster area.

- Today is runway day.

It is elimination day.

It is all getting very real,

b*tches.

- Someone's going home

today, girls.

- So, Lashauwn, how you feeling

about your look?

Is it coming along?

- To be honest with you,

I really don't know.

- What was Ru's feedback?

- I think she was really...

hinting that it wasn't enough.

- Uh-huh.

- You want to impress her.

- Absolutely.

- And I don't feel like I did.

- It's coming together.

It's gonna be fine.

Lashauwn is a little bit

on edge.

But you got to put the rooter

to the tooter at this point.

You've got to just sell it.

You crazy and creative

and outside the box.

You're always "beyond."

- I know you trying to let me

have it, too.

- No, well, as far as the looks

and the way you look,

it doesn't get any better

than this.

- Thank you.

- Okay, you better do it, honey.

- Talk to me, boo.

How you feeling?

- About the challenge?

- Yeah.

- Feel like everything

will be fine.

I just got to work it out.

- Well, you know, I'm a little

nervous,

but I think it's going

to be fine,

and I think that my mom

is going to be really happy

to see this, so...

- In 2007, I lost my mom,

and it was a rough year.

- If you don't mind me asking,

um, how did she pass away?

- My mom had an aortic aneurysm.

She had complications after

surgery.

And...she just...went down.

- What was your relationship

like with your mom?

- My mom was always there.

But me being a drag queen was,

like, one of the biggest

arguments we've had, 'cause she

never understood why I wanted

to do it so much.

The last few months that she

was alive, she did understand.

I was able to tell my mom

everything.

I'm angry.

When everything was

on the table,

I had three months with my mom

and...three months?

Like, damn.

- Your mother is here.

She's here...you know, and

just...just do what you need

to do and bring it.

- Are you nervous at all?

- Wait, are you trying

to read me

and tell me I should be nervous?

- Nah, it's cute for, like,

pirate couture.

- I changed my outfit last

night,

but today I'm feeling really

nervous about it.

- Are you upset that you had to

change your outfit?

- Ru just didn't like it.

She wasn't feeling it,

so I had to go more

post-apocalypse with it.

I was just so in my head about

it, about her being like...

"Nope," so I was like, "I'm just

"gonna...f*ck it, I'm just

gonna change it all."

I took a risk in my look and I'm

freaking out, because if you

mess up, you go home.

- Okay, I'm going in on this

bitch.

- All right.

- You got an instant facelift

with this, dahling.

- What the f*ck is that

on her head?

- I don't know what that is,

girl.

- The weakest out of everybody,

I would say, is Sharon Needles.

Sharon's outfit looks more like

a brown tube sock that she just

stretched out.

Looks like she got it at a

discount costume store.

She's not at that point, right

now, to compete, so, if

anything, I feel like she's

gonna be the first one

to go home.

- Can I just tell you, like,

I'm so glad that you're here?

- I'm so glad you're here, too.

- No, because I don't know

anybody else who does your drag.

- Right.

- You know, and I know that

some of the other queens are

just like, "Why is she here,

she's a freak."

- Really?

Well, they can think all they

want.

There's a million kinds of drag.

And it's not just being a fishy,

annoying girl.

- Yep.

- I think some of the girls

here, particularly the beauty

queens, might be looking at me

as just a freak.

And I want to show them that I

have everything that it takes

to win this competition.

And more.

- You are exactly the type

of guy that I go for too.

- Oh, stop it.

- Like, that whole, like, meth

look, like, that's...

- "Meth look."

- [laughs]

- Only I could take that

as a compliment.

- Have either of you ever been,

like, arrested or...?

- No, ma'am.

- Oh, yeah.

Um, I have a DUI.

The day I got my call to come

here is the...my last day that I

was...I was on probation.

- Really?

- Uh-huh, so it was like...that

was such a blessed day.

Over the last year I've been

dealing with a DUI.

It's just been such a struggle

for 15 months.

I've been without being able to

drive.

It's hard for me to keep a

regular job.

They arrested me in drag.

- No!

- Biggest fear ever.

- Oh, okay, I thought...

- In handcuffs, in full paint,

full body, everything.

- I kind of would like that,

though.

- No.

They made me undress in front of

a room full of people

they had arrested.

Like, nobody would touch me.

They ruined my life

for 15 months,

but it's over now, and my life

is about to change.

I'm ready for the whole country

to know who Alisa Summers is,

and I hope they're ready for me.

- I just feel like my stuff

needs more.

- I'm worried that they're not

gonna get it.

Honestly, I think you better

create a really good story

for it.

- Okay, what I'm gonna say is,

"Escape from New York..."

ooh, sh*t, it's falling apart.

- Yeah, that's not good, either.

- Yeah.

- Jiggly's costume is a hot

mess.

It's all hot glue and scissor

work.

It's just like an expl*si*n

of aluminum foil.

- Baked potato couture.

- You look like you're ready to

bake at 350.

[laughter]

[applause]

- Welcome to the main stage

of RuPaul's Drag Race.

Well, look what the zombies

dragged in.

Michelle Visage, you're back and

better than ever.

- Don't you know it, my lovely

lady in red.

- Mike Ruiz, I'd stop the world

and melt with you, darlin'.

- Oh, here we go again, Ru.

- [laughs]

Sometimes it's champagne,

sometimes it's pretzels

and beer,

but Santino's still here.

[laughter]

- And the eternal beauty,

mistress of the dark, Elvira.

- [gasps] Me?

- Hey, girl, you're gonna put

somebody's eyes out

with those things.

- [gasps] I hope it's not yours.

- [laughs]

Now, this week I asked our

queens to rise from the glittery

ashes and blow us away with

their post-apocalyptic couture.

Are you ready to see what's on

the other side?

- Bring it.

- Yeah.

- Gentlemen, start your engines,

and may the best woman win.

- First up, Willam.

- Not Willem Dafoe.

- No, not Willem Dafoe.

- And not Will.I.Am.

- Not Will.I.Am.

- Very Westwood, too.

Only one boob, though.

- Yeah, the other one got lost

in the apocalypse.

- As I'm walking down

the runway,

I'm trying to give them some 90s

supermodel.

Ass, ass, titties, hair, hair,

gas mask.

- Cloudy with a chance of acid

rain.

- I like the gas mask on the

back of her head, it's very

two-faced.

- Willam's a real gas.

[laughter]

- Up next, Phi Phi O'Hara.

- Two queens enter,

one queen leave.

- Yes, ma'am.

- Is that a dream catcher

covering her private parts?

- Yes.

- [laughs]

- I knew I looked fierce,

I knew that my outfit could not

be touched.

I felt like all the attention

was on me.

I was just ready to serve it to

all the judges.

- I think that's a honey badger

on her shoulders.

- Maybe we do need another hero.

- We might just need another

hero, Santino.

- Lashauwn Beyond.

- Oh!

- Fabulous.

- Lashauwn be hot.

- Yes, ma'am.

She's got the whole world on

her...head?

- I thought a giant chicken laid

an egg up there.

- I live for what I put down the

runway.

I had the world on my head, and

my "post-apoc-oloptic" couture

costume.

It was sickening.

- Now, I wonder if she can get

cable TV with that on her head.

- [laughs]

- Chad Michaels.

- Okay.

- Oh.

- Ooh, how chic.

She could walk a mile for

a camel toe.

- Real fish caught in the net.

- I'm a perfectionist.

It's something I pride

myself on.

I'm feeling very confident.

I love what I'm wearing, very

post-apocalyptic diva, and I'm

feeling really, really good.

- Very "Lawrence of my labia."

[laughter]

- Up next, The Princess.

- [gasps]

- Wow.

- Wow, clown slippers.

Looks like a life jacket.

- Yes, queen overboard.

- I'm giving the judges

Waterworld couture.

I feel like I'm really living

for what I'm serving.

I love it.

- In case of emergency, your

scarf can be used as a flotation

device.

[laughter]

Kenya Michaels.

- Ooh.

- Oh.

- She's a phoenix rising from

the ashes.

- That's right.

- That's it.

- Firebird.

- Walk that walk!

- [squawks]

- I feel amazing.

I'm feeling fire, I'm fuego!

That moment I remember for all

my life.

- Cock-a-doodle-doo.

Lil' Kim in the house.

- Something's sprouting back

there.

- Her garden is in full bloom.

- Latrice Royale.

- Yes, she is.

- Whoo!

- Ooh, it's Latrice

from Whoville.

- Yes, mama.

- I'm Latrice, so of course I

stomped it on out, and I'm

givin' big girl sexy, showin'

all my curves and swerves, and

givin' a little face, givin' a

little attitude,

and a lot of ass.

- Yes, beyond thunder thighs.

[laughter]

Serve, honey.

- Mm-hmm.

- A queen for all seasons,

Alisa summers.

She's got goggles up there.

- Apparently,

she's going skiing.

- Ooh, I hate when drag queens

have bigger boobs than me.

- I'll say.

The hills are alive.

- I'm givin' them sexy, I'm

givin' them dominatrix, and I'm

on top of the world.

There's no feeling like that,

ever.

- And she's an all-terrain

vehicle.

- Yes.

- She a ATV summers, all-terrain

vajay-jay.

- That's right.

- Oh!

[laughter]

- Paris, London, Tokyo, Milan.

- Uh-huh.

- Oh.

- Wow.

- This is an infected Betsey

Johnson, right?

- Yes, it is.

- Love is a b*ttlefield.

- I'm serving the judges

savage beauty.

I'm feeling ferocious.

- I'm ready to att*ck.

- Milan is burning.

Now, let this be a lesson to all

of us...don't smoke in bed.

[laughter]

- Next up, Jiggly Caliente.

- Oh.

- Look, she's got a leg up on

the other girls.

- Yes, she does.

Apparently, hoarding is the new

black.

[laughter]

- I'm here on the runway, and

my adrenaline is on fire.

Everything is pulsating through

me, and I'm like, "Oh, here we

"go, bitch, I'm gonna show you

plus-size supermodel."

- She's one hot potato.

- And she seals in her natural

juices.

[laughter]

- Dida Ritz.

- Work.

- Come on, girl.

- Yes.

- Ooh.

- Chocolate Barbie doll.

- Legs for days.

- I'm doin' my runway,

it's sickening.

I am definitely channeling

Naomi, I am channeling Giselle.

I'm feeling it.

- You know, everything tastes

better when it sits on

a Dida Ritz.

- With thighs like that...

- You better ass somebody.

- cr*ck is whack.

- Oh, Madame LaQueer.

- Looks like my leftovers

last night.

- Give her an inch, she'll take

a foot.

- Take that, Betty Rubble.

- I'm serving attitude and I

feel so great, like I have never

felt before in my life.

- The entree of the evening,

filet of sole.

- Mmm, goes great

with some toe jam.

- Mmm.

- Ew!

- All right for Sharon Needles.

- Ooh, look at those eyes.

- Nosferatutu.

- Oh, she's bleeding.

- A dead woman walking.

- Oh, my goodness.

- Zombies.

- Somebody call a dentist.

- I hope she's wearing

a dental dam.

[laughter]

- Coming down the runway, the

best part was slowly letting out

a giant mouthful of fake blood

all over my body, and that's

when I really saw Ru's

eyebrow raise.

It's a disco bloodbath.

- Oh.

- Ooh.

- It is.

- Anyone told her

about fluoride toothpaste?

- Gingivitis never looked

so good.

Welcome, ladies.

Judgment day has arrived.

Now, based on your totally toxic

photo sh**t and your

post-apocalyptic presentation,

I've made some decisions.

Will the following queens please

step forward.

Willam.

Milan.

Dida Ritz.

Latrice Royale.

Madame LaQueer.

Phi Phi O'Hara.

Chad Michaels.

Seven of you look like you've

been to hell and back.

Con-drag-ulations, you're safe.

- [exhales]

- Just safe?

My outfit was amazing, and not

"just safe."

- You may leave the stage.

Oh, ladies?

While you're back there, you may

want to think of ways to make a

more memorable impression

next week.

- Yes, ma'am.

- That's all.

Ladies, you six represent the

best and the worst of the week.

It is time for the judges'

critiques.

First up, Lashauwn Beyond.

In the workroom you seemed

kind of nervous.

Do you feel

more comfortable now?

- No.

It's a competition.

I'm always worried, I'm worried

now, I'm nervous.

- America's next drag superstar

needs nerve.

She doesn't need to be nervous.

- I am impressed that she can

carry that giant thing

on her head.

I mean, I have this giant thing

on my head, and it's bad enough.

- [laughs]

- As a symbol I think it's

really great, of, like, a

strong, black woman with the

world on her head.

I love all the disparate parts

that you put together to create

this overall silhouette.

- Is there anything you'd like

to say to the judges, Lashauwn?

- I'm just in disbelief.

- What can't you believe?

- That I'm here.

- Bitch, you're here.

- Yeah, honey, you better snap

out of it, you're here.

Play to win.

- Okay.

- Thank you.

Up next we've got

Sharon Needles.

- Hello, RuPaul.

- How'd it feel up there

on the runway?

- Oh, I felt drop-dead gorgeous.

[laughter]

- This is my kind of ghoul.

I mean, I love the blood,

and this is a whole different

kind of take on drag queens.

- You know, everyone sort of

like survived the apocalypse,

and made do with what was left.

You took it one step further,

and you didn't survive

the apocalypse.

And then you came back to life

to terrorize these b*tches.

[laughter]

- Thank you, Sharon Needles.

Next up, Jiggly Caliente.

- Hey, mama.

- Okay, no one's gonna

accuse you

of not havin' a great pair

of legs.

- [laughs]

- First of all.

But there's a little too much,

it's sort of like,

"Oh, my god, ah."

I'm getting my eyeballs

assaulted.

Just a little bit less could

have been more.

- Jiggly is a ball of energy,

and funny, and I love that.

- Thank you.

- But, girl, right now

you're a mess.

Things are fallin' off.

Fix your tutu.

I be seein' your privates

and stuff.

- No, girl, that privates

are put away.

- Jiggly, is there anything

you'd like to say to the judges?

- There's more, so much more.

- More than what you've got on?

- Well, but I'm talkin' about

all my clothes, all my drag,

when I wear it out here...

- We've heard that story before.

You have got to bring your

A game every single time.

There's $100,000 at stake.

- The time to bring it is every

single time you come out

to this runway.

Every single time.

- I will, mama.

- Next up, Kenya Michaels.

- Hola.

- So why a firebird?

- I really...she's a firebird

because if you're thinkin', uh,

end of the world, you're think

on fire, and I love that.

- You pounded this runway.

You came out, you were on fire.

I wish you had your wings with

you right now, because I'd like

to see the work you put

into them.

- You know that old phrase,

"Don't get your panties

in a bunch"?

- Yes.

- Your panties look a little bit

like they're in a bunch,

like a little diaper.

- My problem is, it doesn't

look really post-apocalyptic,

but I still think you're

beautiful, and you k*ll

a runway.

- Thank you.

- Thank you, Kenya.

Next up, Alisa Summers.

Tell me about your outfit.

- I wanted to give kind of

a post-apocalyptic S&M goddess.

- And tell me the significance

of the tool jutting out

of the areola.

- I like to sh**t fire

out of my titties.

- Oh, okay.

- The boobices, where'd those

come from?

- What it is, it's like...it's

built like a swimsuit, and it's

just got the titties built right

onto it.

- I was getting scared.

I thought you were gonna say you

pulled everything up

from down there.

- From down here, all the way

up, yes.

- You've got some big ones,

girl.

And I'm feeling right now like

my makeup is looking natural.

- When you came out, I didn't

really see anything

post-apocalyptic

about your wardrobe.

It's not couture, either.

Even had you come out looking

like a big garbage heap, or

something, then there would have

still been more effort made,

to me, than what you have on.

- Who the frig says what

couture is, anyway?

I don't get it.

For him to say that's not

couture.

Well, it's couture to me, girl.

- [laughs]

- And I love how much makeup you

have on.

- Thank you.

- We kind of match.

- All right.

Next up, the princess.

- Nice outfit.

Who sh*t the lifeboat?

- It feels like it has a

nautical theme, a little bit,

to me.

- I'm kind of like Dennis Hopper

in Waterworld.

- I love that you approached it

from a nautical standpoint, the

world being consumed by water,

as opposed to fire and

brimstone,

which is what everyone else did.

- Thank you.

- You put together

a well-constructed look,

but there's no dirt, and you're

going through an apocalypse.

Like, it's completely...like,

your whites are whiter

than I've ever...

[laughter]

Done my laundry in my life.

- All right.

Well, girls, I think

we've heard enough.

- While you enjoy an Absolut

cocktail in the interior

illusions lounge, the judges

and I will deliberate.

You may leave the stage.

All right, just between us

girls, let's start with

Lashauwn Beyond.

- I thought the outfit

was fierce.

I love the headdress, but she's

kind of uncomfortable,

she kind of

looks like she's at her first

prom, and...

- Yeah, what was that about?

- Eh, maybe she needs a couple

more years to cook, you know?

- I thought Lashauwn, more than

any of the other queens, really

met this challenge head on.

- There's definitely some skills

that are worth exploring,

but she definitely needs to

overcome her shyness.

- Yeah, it's cute for a taste,

but not for a swallow.

- Sharon Needles.

Now, I really dug her outfit.

It really told the story.

- It's obvious she's polished,

and she knows what she's doing,

but I want to see her in girl

drag, too.

- I love Sharon Needles.

It's hard for me to find

something bad about that.

- Jiggly Caliente.

Really funny, funny kid, but

that costume, I don't even know

where to start.

- She looked like she threw

everything but the kitchen sink

in there, but I think I saw

the kitchen sink in there.

- [laughs]

- It was the complete opposite

of the apocalypse.

- Right.

- But I'm so in love with her

as a person.

- Me, too.

- Kenya Michaels.

Cute kid.

When she walked down the runway,

she dazzled us with

those wings, but then she just

lost them.

- Yeah.

- She lost the most exciting

part of her outfit.

- I did have an issue with

the bedazzled diaper.

Not apocalyptic at all.

- No.

- But that bitch

is fierce.

- Alisa Summers.

- She's so stunningly

beautiful, I think she's used to

kind of resting on those

laurels, do you know

what I mean?

I think it threw her

a little bit.

You know, you need more

than beauty.

- I got to say, Alisa 's outfit

was very tacky.

- She built her whole costume

around that breastplate, instead

of using it as a detail within

some, like, grander, couture

sort of concept.

- Right.

- Right.

- Her outfit reminded me

of the worst movie in the world.

- What?

- Showgirls.

- Stop it right now!

- Oh, I'm sorry.

- Mistress of the dark.

- I mean, my favorite movie.

- All right. The Princess.

- I loved the blue and

the orange together.

That was my high school colors.

- Go bears!

- I liked and appreciated her

overall look, but it wasn't

really post-apocalyptic.

I wasn't picking up

her references.

- You know, I immediately got

that Waterworld reference.

I love the Pete Burns,

androgynous sort of vibe.

I think she's great.

- All right.

Silence!

Bring back my girls.

Welcome back, ladies.

Now, which one of you b*tches

will inherit the earth?

Lashauwn Beyond.

Your post-apocalyptic outfit

towered above the other queens,

but your personality fell flat.

You're safe.

- Thank you.

- You may join the other girls.

Jiggly Caliente.

Your totally toxic photo sh**t

was winning, but your

post-apocalyptic couture was

an unnatural disaster.

I'm sorry, my dear, but you are

up for elimination.

- When Ru tells me I'm in the

bottom two, I want to die.

I know the outfit looks jank,

but damn.

- Sharon Needles.

You k*lled this bloody

challenge, and you really stuck

it to the other girls.

Con-drag-ulations, you are

the winner of this challenge.

[applause]

You'll receive immunity from

elimination next week.

- Thank you.

- Plus, a custom gown from

sequinqueen.com.

That's sequinqueen.com.

- I won the challenge today,

and I'm feeling ecstatic.

- [squeals]

I'll have my dress made

in black.

- Thank you.

- With a plunging neckline.

- Hey, wait a minute.

- All right, Sharon, you may

join the other girls.

The Princess.

Your Waterworld inspired

couture got a little lost at

sea...but I'm throwing you

a lifeline.

You're safe.

- Thank you.

- Kenya Michaels.

You pummeled the runway, but

your firebird didn't fly with

the judges.

Alisa Summers, your

post-apocalyptic showgirl left

little to the imagination, but

you were not "breast in show."

Kenya...

you are safe.

- Thank you.

Thank you.

- Alisa, I'm sorry, my dear,

but you are up for elimination.

- Ru says I'm in the bottom two.

It was just like, "really?"

I...I can't believe it.

I can't believe it.

- Two queens stand before me.

Ladies, this is your last chance

to impress me and save yourself

from elimination.

The time has come for you to

lip sync for your life.

- I am not givin' up my spot in

this competition, no way,

no how.

They have to pry this out of

my cold, dead hands.

- Good luck,

and don't f*ck it up.

- ♪ Baby, can't you see ♪

♪ I'm callin' ♪

♪ A guy like you ♪

♪ Should wear a warnin' ♪

♪ It's dangerous ♪

♪ I'm fallin' ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Too high, can't come down ♪

♪ Losin' my head ♪

♪ Spinning 'round and 'round ♪

♪ Do you feel me now ♪

- I'm giving them face, I'm

giving them movements.

I'm feeling very confident.

- ♪ With the taste of your ♪

♪ Lips, I'm on a ride ♪

♪ Your toxic ♪

- All I could think about is

"k*ll it, k*ll it, k*ll it, hit

every move, hit every b*at."

I have to pull out every trick.

If I have to sh**t ping pongs

out of my ass, I will do it.

- ♪ It's getting late ♪

♪ To give you up ♪

- Alisa is not turning it as

much as Jiggly is.

She's kicking, she's doing

choreography,

she's really turning the party.

She had marked her territory.

She sh*t On the stage.

- ♪ With the taste of your ♪

♪ Lips, I'm on a ride ♪

- Jiggly started sheddin'

feathers and ornaments like a

Christmas tree that was gettin'

thrown out the window.

I was entertained.

I would-a given it some money.

- ♪ Toxic ♪

- The whole number that Alisa

was doin' was slo-mo, girl.

This is called Drag Race, not

Drag Walk.

- ♪ Intoxicate me now ♪

♪ With your lovin' now ♪

♪ I think I'm ready now ♪

♪ ♪

[applause]

- Ladies, I've made my decision.

Alisa Summers.

You are beautiful, talented, and

a queen for all seasons.

Just not this one.

Now sashay away.

- [whispering indistinctly]

- I definitely didn't think I'd

be the first person to go.

I definitely thought there were

other people more eligible to go

home before me, but I'm not

disappointed in myself.

I'm disappointed in what could

have been.

- Jiggly Caliente.

May I call you Jiggly?

- Yes, mama.

- Shante, you stay.

- Thank you.

- You may join the other girls.

The toxic 12, con-drag-ulations.

You live to die another day.

Now, remember, if you can't love

yourself, how in the hell you

gonna love somebody else?

Can I get a "amen" in here?

all: Amen.

- [laughs]

Now let the music play.