02x08 - Bulls and Potbellies

[bunniefuu]

Frank: Hi.

Hi. Thanks for coming.

The Golden Bull Grill had
their grand opening next door

and the big guy
just wandered over.

Right into the perfect section
of the store.

Can you help?
We open in an hour.

This is huge.

I mean, we got bulls, plates,
silverware, glasses…

It's official.
We have a bull

- in a China shop.
- in the dishware aisle.

What?

Sorry, sometimes it's hard
for me to play along.

Shred, we need a photo.
or no one's gonna believe this.

Oh yeah.

Get over there.

We're gonna walk outta here

into every adorable animal
account on MySpace.

[camera shutter snaps]

Wait, cut off your feet.
Sorry.

[gasp]
[crash]

It's alright.
Like any responsible business

I'm sure they have
bull insurance.

[mooing]

[theme music plays]

♪

♪

Lemon ricotta pancakes,
my queen.

What? Lemon and ricotta?
Oh my goodness.

[message alert]

Oh, um… sorry,
I'll be right back.

[phone ringing]

Hey.

Whassssaaap!

Uh, let me guess.
You're at Rick's.

Yeah. Uh, what's
going on?

Hey, I got a new lead
and it is big.

[gasps]

Wow, you gasp a lot.

Magicians must love you
in their audience.

Look, we're gonna meet
my CI in 20 minutes.

He has new intel on
the animal smuggling case.

I thought he was too scared
to talk.

Sometimes you gotta
make things happen.

We've gone through the looking
glass, across the Rubicon,

and now we are everywhere
we wanna be. Later.

What?

Everything OK?

Um, you know, I have to go
into the office early.

What happened?

So, sadly, Officer Larson
was bit by a coyote.

Oh my goodness.
Uh, I don't think I know Larson.

Is he OK?

Yeah, I think I just need to be
there for a little hand-holding.

Mmm.

Bye.

I guess more pancakes for me
and Emilio.

[chirps]

Alright, yes, yes, yes.

- Bye Mom, bye Dad.
- Bye beta.

- Love you.
- Bye.

- Have a great day, beta.
- I always do.

No, you don't.
You hate your life.

Who is this chipper Patel?

Since they have
come to town

they have been
unbelievably helpful.

Hey Victoria, you look
lovely today!

Awe, thank you!

I would love to fit in
one more study session

before my citizenship
exam tomorrow.

Well, how about at lunch today?

And I can fit it between the oil
change and Taekwondo pick-up.

Taekwondo pick-up, yeah.

Thank you.

Oh, sh**t. I never found
Danny's orange belt.

We did.

Never been happier.

Hey, buddy.

Rick.

I hate to interrupt
but I'm looking for Emily.

Just wanted to drop off
some pancakes.

She's not here right now

and I'm kind of in the middle
of something.

Are you looking for a nanny?

I was looking for a nanny,

but I guess I'm talking
to you now.

If you must know, I met a woman
at Oakwood Country Club

but I never got her name.

All I know is that she was
a nanny, she was a diver,

and when I met her my heart
did somersaults.

- Have you gone back to the club?
- Sure, Rick.

Why don't I just pull up
in my Bugatti,

wave my golden ticket around,
wear a cashmere suit–

Hey, hey, hey.
Are we good?

I'm sensing a lotta heat
coming off this kettle.

I'm sorry, I'm just,
you know,

I'm hitting a lot of dead-ends
and it's very frustrating.

Well, my finance guy
is a member over there.

I could give him a jingle,
get us in for lunch.

That's actually really helpful.

Thank you.

By the way, do you know
why Officer Larson

got bit by a coyote?

Now is not the time
for riddles, Rick.

Just make the call.

I kinda hate
that I lied to Rick.

You gotta let that go.
I lie to Shred all the time.

He thinks I invented
Big League Chew.

Hey, Terry.
Where the hell you been?

I wanted to make sure
I wasn't followed.

Right, makes sense.

You're walking almost
half a mile an hour

with an enormous pig
for some reason.

This pig has a name.
The name's Denise.

I had to bring her.

If I leave her alone
she'll lick her snout bald.

- Awe.
- Who's this?

Oh, I'm Emily.
I'm the partner.

- Can we trust her?
- Yeah, I think so.

You think so?

Listen, you need to step up and
tell us who's running things.

Not because it's the right
thing to do

but because I'm running out
of cool places for us to meet.

I can't, man.
I'm in too deep.

Think of the animals!

What if Denise got smuggled,
huh?

The hog needs a champion.

Alvin Lucas.

[gasps]

I don't–

- I don't know who that is.
- Never heard of him.

He owns the refuge.
He actually owns a bunch.

I don't know what
makes me angrier,

the hypocrisy or the crime.

- Well–
- The crime.

[pipe rattles]

You guys hear that?

Terry, you need to chill out.
No one's following you.

Who's over there?

- Scatter!
- Oh God!

What is one power of
the federal government?

Oh, to print monayyyy!

I think you're gonna be great!

Awe, thank you so much,
Mr. Patel.

Honestly, I couldn't have
done this without you.

Oh, no.

Thank you.

Oh, gosh.
A little fly-by smooch.

Anyway, thank you so much.

[singing] Oh, saint
can you…

Hi there. We are guests
of Trenton Chase.

My name is Rick Doyle.

You're not on my list.

Uh, I texted him and he replied
“yeah, no, for sure”.

Ugh, Rick, that's bro speak
for “not gonna happen”.

Do your due diligence!

Look, I know this is
about the girl

but I'm catching a lot of
friendly fire from you.

Wait, that's her!

Sir, do you know
that woman's name?

No, she always gives aliases.

Angela, Pamela,
Sandra, Rita…

She Mambo Number
Five'd you.

[snaps photo]

Wait a second, I know
that bandana.

It's the kind the taffy pourers
wear down in Frontier Town.

I was there last week.

You used all that settlement
money just to d*ck around

doing awesome stuff all day,
don't you?

Against my better judgement
I had my precinct

lend your precinct
our beachcomber vehicle.

Which we returned to you
the next day, Templeton.

Hah!

With a broken cup holder
and two boot marks on the dash.

Your crew are animals!

Uh, yeah.

So, Templeton, why don't you
just go ahead and send me a–

Emily? Emily?

Emily! Why is this happening
agai–

Oh, thank goodness.
Thank you so much.

I just did a deep dive
on everything Lucas…

Mmhmm.

…and I think I hit
the motherlode.

Are you talking about
the gala that he's hosting

at the aquarium tonight?

Oh, that was gonna be
my big reveal.

Oh.

I suppose you know that all
the tickets are sold out, too?

Sold out?
What? No.

Don't patronize me.

But what you don't know is that
I've already talked to Terry

and he is gonna sneak us in
through the penguin enclosure.

I did not know that.

That's news to me
and I love it.

Wait, so what happens
when we get inside?

We set up a buy
with Lucas?

Do we look like
the type of people

that Alvin Lucas would
do business with?

[gasps]
Cover stories.

Situationally appropriate gasp.
I'll allow it.

So, when I was a cop, I went
undercover all the time.

I was a skinhead, a Hare Krishna
at the airport,

a meth dealer with alopecia.

Oh.

Wait…

What if being bald is part
of my disguise tonight?

And that will pair really nicely
with um… with uh…

a Cajun accent.

Yes.

Beaudine Desveraux.

Offshore oil magnate
from Baton Rouge.

That's very good.

And I'm your first and
third wife, Marguerite.

That's great.

OK, so we have to come up
with an exotic animal

we're trying to buy.

Lemur?

- [both] Lemur!
- Yes!

For our sick daughter,
Abigail.

Her lupus has come back.

I hope you like gumbo,
Mr. Lucas,

because you are about to be
in some very hot water.

Hey.
What're you still doing here?

We're T-minus 20
on Taekwondo.

I kissed Victoria.

What?

Well, actually
Victoria kissed me.

And I let it happen.
On my lips.

OK, this sounds like maybe
it was an accident?

I strayed, and I gotta
tell your mom.

No, you don't need to do that.
No telling Mom.

You didn't stray.

Your mom is gonna be
really hurt.

And now we have to move back
to Nashville to work on things.

What? No, you can't leave.

Dad, the kids?
They're gonna be devastated.

Addy was just talking about
how much she loves watching

Dada empty the dishwasher.

What have I done?
Curse my stupid kissable face.

Welcome to Barnaby's
General Store,

home of the finest hand-pulled
taffy west of the Mississippi.

Can I ask you a random question?
Does this woman work here?

What on God's green earth?

Your chalk slate appears
to be glowing.

He's the best, he never
breaks character.

Does she look familiar
at all?

[message alert]

Oh my stars.

Oh, Emily's cancelling
on dinner.

I hope Larson's OK.

Dude, who is Larson?
You keep bringing him up.

She's probably just working on
her special project with Frank.

What special project?

The secret one?

That maybe you don't
know about?

I don't think it's a big deal.

Why is she hiding it
from me?

Uh, sir, I respect
your commitment

but I can see your Invisalign.

Just tell me.
Did this lady work here?

[sighs]

She was a taffy puller
but she was fired

for vaping in the saloon.

OK. Do you know
her name?

I just knew her as
the young widow Jenkins.

Come on, man!

Okay. Alright.

You broke him.

You broke my dad and now
he's gonna leave.

This is ridiculous,
we barely grazed lips.

I'll go talk to her.

Or you kiss me.

And just hear me out.

In front of him.

What? No.

Totally valid reaction.
Let me explain.

That way he thinks it's just
a normal New Zealand custom.

OK, so this is not going
to happen.

I would rather kiss
your dad again.

Victoria, we're going
to figure this out,

so this is happening.

OK, just tell your dad
to stop texting me.

Done.

Are you being serious
right now?

[knocking]

Oh, hey Fra–

Rick.

Hi. What-uh, what are you
doing here?

I just wanted to come by

and see how your special project
with Frank was going.

Special project?

Um–

Oh, mon chere, your limousine–
Oh, hey Rick.

Larson, right? It's crazy.

OK, uh, here's the deal.

Frank and I are doing an
undercover investigation

on an animal smuggling ring.

What?

I know I should have told you
but I didn't exactly get

a sign-off from the division
on this one

and I know you're
Mr. By-the-Book, so…

[scoffs] I am?

Well, I'm sorry for having
a North Star.

In the words of
Marcus Aurelius–

Ugh! Please do not quote
Marcus Aurelius at me right now.

I– I can't handle that.

You don't like my quotes?

I do not love them.

Well, in the words
of Marcus Aurelius,

I've been carrying you
at game nights.

Oh, that is– that's insane.

Clue!

What're you doing?

Emily's guess:
Bees in your pants.

Bees in your pants!

I stand by bees in your pants
'cause ants in your pants

seemed like too easy
of a guess!

There was nothing
in my pants!

I was obviously hula hooping!

And then lo and behold we lose
to Elise and Brian again.

Alright, is there anything else
that bugs you about me

that you've just been
sitting on?

I can think of a few things.

Well, me too, so let's get real
and just…

Rip off the Band-Aid.

OK, you knew 'cause
I was so clear.

- You see?
- Rip off the–

[Emily] How is this clear?

This is clear!
This is clear!

[Rick] There's bees everywhere.
Get them out of my…

Hey.

Hey.

I knew you were always wearing
a hair piece.

Okay. Can you come to the gala
with me tonight?

As what, your daughter?

Solid burn, no time
for a comeback.

Emily's out and I need
a plus one

to keep my Beaudine
alibi airtight.

Tempting, but no.

I have the biggest test
of my life tomorrow.

Right. Uh, what's
the Sixth Amendment?

Uh, right to a speedy trial.

You're probably right.
You're ready.

Come on, I can't do
this alone.

Please?

I think I might have something
I can throw on in my locker.

Great.

Uh, no shoes?

Have fun, you wank.

Uh, no, it's very cool.

It's very high low
and of the moment.

It looks great. Really.

I mean, I declare
that you could charm

a propeller off a swamp pole.

Stop talking like that,
it's weird.

Like what?
This is how I talk.

And I haven't understood
a word you've said

in a year and a half.

OK, remember.
Stick to the b*llet points.

Devereaux, Marguerite,
lemur, lupus, Abigail.

Frank, too many names.
If I try to cram those up here

I'm gonna start
losing presidents.

[knocking]

Terry, open up.

sh**t.

This is unhinged,
even for me.

[ringing]
OK, OK.

[Terry] Hey, Frank.

Terry, why am I hearing music

and why are you not on
the other side of this door?

I'm at a Bennigans
in Canada.

I'm out, Frank.

Terry, I hope you choke on-
[hangs up]

Well, Marguerite, plan B.

I thought I was Abigail.

Abigail's our lupus kid.

You really should be
off book by now.

So is my character
from New Zealand?

No. Absolutely not.

Devereaux comma Beaudine.
Plus one.

Um, sorry sir, I can't seem
to find that name.

Is it possible you're listed
under your daughter's name?

Sir, I take offense.

I am so sorry, this is totally
my fault, I forgot to RSVP.

Typical third wife move.

I'm sorry, sir.
Next please.

Do you have any idea who donated
this wing of the aquarium?

The sting ray touch pond
or the tealights

that illuminate your face
right now?

An anonymous donor.

Let the veil drop.

The anonymous donor?
It is I.

It is him.

Marguerite, how many greenbacks
did we unfold here.

I believe 700 million.

I think you might be conflating
the size of the gifts

but it was sizable.

[Man] What's the hold up here?

It's OK, just go in.

- Thank you. Go Saints.
- Okay.

[mouse squeaks]

- Oh, hello.
- Hey.

It's mice to see you.

[laughs]

Oh, I'm sorry, that was
a lame joke.

- Are…
- No.

Are you OK?

Yeah, no I'm…

I don't know, Rick and I had
a huge fight, so…

Maybe he deserved it,
you know.

[laughs]

Yeah, it was our first
real fight

and a lot of stuff came out
and I just–

I don't know, I'm just wondering
if we're as solid as I thought.

Yeah.

It's tough to say
because I wasn't there.

Yeah. Yeah,
that makes sense.

- I'm sorry.
- Yeah.

Um… I guess I'll leave you
to it.

Yeah, OK.

Right.

Actually, I just have
to say um…

Rick is a really good dude.

And uh, when you find
something good

you shouldn't just let it go.
Believe me.

That's good advice.

Yeah.

[crowd chatter]

Thank you.

Sorry.
There he is.

He's probably trying to sell the
jellyfish right out of the t*nk.

Do you want me
to proposition him?

That doesn't always have
to be your first move.

I think we should do the simple
thing and I'll fake a seizure,

you pull my tongue out,
he'll come over.

I bet you he knows first aid.

OK. Or we could just…

- Hi!
- Hello.

- Oh, hi.
- Hi.

Alvin Lucas.

Marguerite Devereaux.
This is my husband, Beaudine.

But everyone thinks
he's my dad.

[laughs]

It is a pleasure to meet you.

And might I say, you have
a wonderful aquarium here.

And I should know, we have a
pretty good one in Baton Rouge.

Well, thank you.

I hope this isn't too forward
but from one bald man

to another you have the
smoothest head I've ever seen.

[Frank laughs]
Oh!

I shave twice a day
and I wax for formal events.

You know, I can't even count
one single sun spot.

May I just–

Sorry, it's just that I…

[kiss]

Nice to meet you.

As far as sun spots go,

we like to summer in the shady
mountains of Wyoming.

Well, I have a ranch there.

Although, it is going to hell.

The Secretary of the Interior

is trying to eminently domain
my land.

My daughter has lupus.

Um…

Oh, well uh, I'm sorry
to hear that.

Um, anyway, it's been a pleasure
meeting both of you.

Don't get me started
on Deb Haaland.

Secretary of the Interior.

You know who Haaland is?

Unfortunately.

I can't believe she's eighth
in line for the presidency.

Although, better
than Tom Vilsack.

The Secretary of Agriculture.

You really know your
federal government.

Know your enemy, huh?

[laughs]

Cheers.

I like her.

Abigail's favorite movie
is Madagascar.

[coughs]

As– as my husband
was trying to say,

our daughter has had
a tough year.

Mmhmm?

But there is something
that would really cheer her up.

Oh.

Can we ask a favor?

[knocking]

Hi.

Hi.

Look, I'm really sorry
that I lied to you.

It's just you're this moral,
perfect person

and I'm just scared of
disappointing you sometimes.

Well, I'm sorry I freaked out
so much.

I am too rigid and I'm always
spouting quotes.

No, no, no, but I like
some of your quotes.

Especially the short ones.

And this was obviously
a hula-hooping.

No, that was not a great clue.

I was thrusting my hips.
It was way too provocative.

[laughs]

Are we terrible at game night?

We might be.

[laughs]

Regardless, I should never
have kept you in the dark.

I mean, if there's anyone
I trust it's… it's you.

I feel the same way.

But that doesn't mean that
I shouldn't work on myself.

Oh, yeah, I wanna work
on myself, too.

So there's this
meditation retreat

that I've always wanted
to go on,

I think it would be really
good for me.

That's great.

The thing is it's for a month
in Nepal.

Oh.

I don't have to go though,
I mean it's–

No, no, no, no.
You should go.

You should go.
I'll miss you.

Wassssaaaap!

Yeah, if we're being honest
with each other,

sometimes I wish your bird
was not… alive.

One more.
I have my big test tomorrow.

Beer and wine
from now on, OK?

You were fantastic tonight.
Really.

To Abigail and her lemur.

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

Mmm. Delicious.

We're like really good parents.

Mmm.

Can I have ten bucks
for the coat guy?

No.

Alright.

Panama City, Florida–

Oh.

- Excuse me.
- Pardon me.

Fooled his own brother.

Frank? Bald Frank.

Shh.

Wait. What the hell
are you doing here, huh?

Is that Mom's friend, Mimi?

It just happened.

Why are you wearing
a bald cap?

Are you trying
to be undercover?

- I am undercover.
- Yeah?

- Remember that animal ring?
- Yeah.

I set up a buy and there's
gonna be a big bust

and guess where
it's happening?

- Where?
- The docks.

- A dock bust.
- Yeah.

- Good for you.
- At night.

Fog rolling in.

You and Dad and the entire
Seattle PD

can go find another civic
employee to kick around.

Frank Shaw is back.

Oh, hi Ms. De Angelo.
How's Mr. De Angelo?

He's very much
in the dark, Frank.

Understood.

What? A buy at the docks?
How sinister and cool.

Ugh, I wish I could go.

Well, of course you're going,
you're my partner.

Wait, really?

Yeah.

But he's already
met Marguerite.

But he has not met my partially
deaf attaché, Lorna.

How's your hard
of hearing voice?

Yeah, I'm not doing that one.

But what about Maria,
your Italian consigliere?

Ciao Bella.

- But partially deaf?
- No, she's not deaf at all.

Ooh, I heard we had
some big fun last night.

Lasagne, Garfield, Mondays.

[laughs]

Seriously, though.
I heard last night was epic.

Pics please.

Scusi.

There.

Oh Frank, you look great.

I really like you
with a bald head.

Look at this, a limo?

Mmhmm.

Passed apps?

Wow, this is truly a night
to remember.

My…

Oh my God.

Oh my God!

[laughs] It's her!

It's the girl from
the country club!

She lives and she's
a caterer!

This is huge.

Oh, a thief who can't keep
a job?

You better lock this one down,
Shred.

She stole my heart.
What can I say?

Hey. What're you guys
doing here?

I wanted to wish Victoria
good luck on her exam.

Oh.

I had to practically drag
your dad to the car.

She's not here.
Let's go.

Oh, hi Victoria!

Uh-oh, someone had
a rough night.

You, Mom, Dad,
they're here.

Anything you wanna say
or… do?

Fine.

Yeah.

[smooch]

It's nice to see you,
Mrs. Patel.