12x01 - Shaketopia

[bunniefuu]

You know that we're back,
all in trouble.

♪ Shake Zula, the mic rula,
the old schoola ♪

♪ You wanna trip?
I'll bring it to ya ♪

♪ Frylock and I'm on top,
rock ya like a cop ♪

♪ Meatwad, you're up next,
work it out now ♪

♪ Meatwad make the money, see ♪

♪ Meatwad get the honies, "G" ♪

♪ Drivin' in my car,
livin' like a star ♪

♪ Ice on my fingers
and my toes ♪

♪ Check it out, y'all,
check it, check it out ♪

♪ Check it ♪

♪ Check, check ♪

♪ 'Cause we are the Aqua Teens,
make the girls say, "Ho" ♪

♪ Make the homies wanna scream ♪

♪ 'Cause we are the Aqua Teens,
make the girls say, "Ho" ♪

♪ Make the homies wanna scream ♪

...number one in the 'hood, "G."

Shake: Feast your eyes
on this valley of plenty,

where it never rains,
and when it does rain,

it only rains joy,

at least until I became king,
like, two months ago.

You'll see.
Welcome to Shaketopia!

Alright, everybody knows
their roles.

You, fan! You, feed!
And you, um...

guy?

Bring your master and commander
his portable gaming console.

Fantastisploosh.
Yes, my liege.

I deserve way more than you
can ever give me.

Fantastisploosh!

Shake: Of course,
I am a benevolent dictator,

working hand in hand
with the Glorfinoids

to build a better life --

for me --
on their ancestral lands, bitch!

That's what I'm talking about!

Fantastisploosh:
Rectangle achieved!

Not in my house!

Eat it, bitch.

You said a few minutes.
That was two months ago!

This is not what
I signed up for, man.

Hey, what do a d*ck
look like?

Don't you draw a d*ck on him!

I already drew robots
and superheroes.

That's all there is
to draw.

Look -- you gotta admit,

it has been fun without him
popping off at me.

Speak for yourself!

You ain't gotta feed him
and put Vaseline

on his cracked-ass lips.

He's been in this damn Sluggie
Buggie thing for two months.

[ Inhaling ]
Ooh, it stinks!

No, I get it.

Why would anyone want to be
out here in your world

with you
complaining all the time?

Hey, knock-knock?

What you doing in there?

Fantastisploosh:
Rectangle achieved!

[ Crowd cheers ]

He finds a rectangle
where no one else can imagine!

Obviously two squares
make a rectangle.

Rectangle achieved!

A one-year-old
can do this --

Shh-shh!

He must never hear you
say this!

Shake: Fantastisploosh, pause.

Is there a tone of dissent
on the wind?

She didn't mean it, master sire.

She was just --

We are all entitled
to our own opinions.

Let's hear the grievance!

I was [clears throat]
just saying

that two squares
make a rectangle.

You pay thusly!

That was my mother,
master sire.

What are you saying,
I'm misogynist?

I'm saying it was my mom.

Let me ask you something.

Before I entered
your little kingdom here,

what did you have exactly?

Joy and happiness,
master sire.

Correct!
But now you have me!

Glorf, did I ask you
to lick my buttocks?

You usually like it
when I do this, sire.

Yes, it felt good...

until I saw who was doing it!

I'm so sorry,
my lord and master! Sire!

Now, now, it's okay.

Stop crying!
And start licking.

Anything that benefits me,
you shall do upon me!

[ Crowd cheers ]

This is
in pretty good shape!

And you say this just
"fell off a truck"?

Yeah, it's the 3.

It's before they
come out with the 4,

but it's every bit as good
as the 4.

You can ask anyone.

Frylock, is the 3 --

I mean, don't literally ask
no one.

You talk to me now.
There's a clock on this deal.

So, how come the 3 is more
expensive than the 4?

Well, it's aged,
like fine wine.

You don't want
brand-new wine, right?

Hey, what do a d*ck
look like?

Ooh, you don't know?

I got a hog in a figure-four
leglock down here.

[ Laughs ]

Wait, is this one of them
Catch-22

hidden-camera
predator deals?

Hidden camera?
Ha ha.

Predators can't be seen
without heat vision, Carl.

What are y'all doing?

B-b-orrowing some...sugar.

I'm buying a VR headset
from Carl.

He friggin' bought
the sugar thing.

You didn't need to elaborate!

Yippee!

Ha!

Ahh!
Another orgasmic sex orgy.

How do I do it?

Sire, you have a mole!

This ain't a mole.
It's a d*ck.

And I drew it on him --
a d*ck on a d*ck.

How the hell did you
get in here?

I just bought a headset
from Carl.

Not that one that fell
off the truck?

You're not supposed to be
in here with a 3!

You're corrupting Shaketopia!
You're gonna brick it!

Is that what a d*ck
looks like, sire?

Of course, Glorf!
You noob!

I know what it looks like
because I own one!

Mine deploys when I am
ready to mate!

But none of these women
are arousing enough

to summon my unimaginable girth!

While you was running
your mouth,

I drew another d*ck
on you.

Two dicks!

My liege!
The insolence!

You think maybe I can rule
Shaketopia, too?

Ha ha ha ha ha!
Did you hear him?

Everyone laugh!

[ All laughing ]

You think you have the stones
to rule Shaketopia?

We will decide, with an epic
game of Fantastisploosh.

And whoever loses must leave --

Fantastisploosh: Secret Rhombus!

What the --
how did -- what's a rhombus?

Fantastisploosh: T-T-Trapezoid!

The shapes are spellbinding!

That's not even a shape!

Look how many fruits
and gems!

Fantastisploosh:
Chuck Norris, the Octagon!

He's going to earn
a twirling coin!

Oh, darn it, the game froze.

[ Gasps ]
You know what?

I know a great place
you can rule, Meatwad.

Welcome to St. Meatersberg!

And you're gonna be
the king here, Meatwad!

It stinks here.

This is the historic district.

I zoned it commercial
so you can turn this

into a whole row
of whorehouses and casinos!

That's gonna be legal
and encouraged,

as long as the riff-raff

don't bring it back
to Shaketopia.

I won't have it over there.

I like your place better.

Really? I feel like this
is a solid compromise.

I would do this
if I were you.

Well, I ain't doin' it.

Why don't you chew on that
for a second?

You're -- you're gonna make me
do it, aren't you?

Do what?

You're gonna
make me do it!

I'm doing it!
I'm calling it!

A battle to the death...

in the ring of bones!

[ Lightning crashes ]

[ Coughing ]

But we don't have
a ring of bones!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Did you just stop licking
my butt to tell me this?

[ Fanfare plays ]

You asked for this, Meatwad.

Earthquake milkshake!

Ahh!
Whaaaa!

Oh!

I took the meatbridge, son!

And now, how you like
my hot-diggity dog?!

Wieners!

Ah! Ah! Aah!
Aah! Aahhh!

Prepare to scream...

for my cream dream!

Aaahhhh!

Igloo Shield!

[ Electricity crackling ]

That's all you know --
hot dogs and igloos!

You want to impress me,
do Wesley Snipes.

You want you a snipe hunt?
A Wesley Snipes hunt?

Okay, I did not ask you
to do that.

That was a hypothetical!

[ As Wesley Snipes ] It's open
season on all Shake-heads.

That's a soundalike!

Yeah, I knew you wouldn't get
the real guy to do the voice!

No, wait!

What are we doing here?

I mean,
this v*olence is senseless.

My people, they've been
through enough,

back from when I got here
and violently enslaved them.

Then you finally agree.
We can rule together.

It's what I've been saying
this whole time!

Maybe we can even talk
about changing

that name, too, you know?

Shaketopia? I mean,
we gotta honor our ancestors.

Yep, yep! Yes! Yes!
We'll discuss the name!

I remember saying distinctly
we would talk about the name.

[ Crowd cheers ]

We rule togeth--

No, no,
I'll say it.

We rule together!

I'll rule a little bit more
than you

until you get
the hang of it.

Look at 'em.

A bunch of crash-test dummies.

Yeah, it's so sad.

But people, you know, they gotta
be active and achieve.

You got a tall boy
out here in reality world?

Can you stop watching football
for a second, please?

No.
I'm trying, but I just cannot.

Carl, did any more
of those, uh, headsets...

fall off your truck?

I'm so glad you asked.

This here's the 2.
It's pretty buggy.

There's this whole
class-action thing

where the company actually
denies that they even made it.

How does this even connect
to the console?

Is this even compatible?

Dude, absolutely.

I sell these out of my hatchback
at the bus station,

and I ain't never had
no complaints,

mostly 'cause I don't go back
to that bus station.

Glorfinoids, the treaty
has been dicked.

We drew dicks on it!

And we shall rule Shaketopia

together!

No, no, name to be decided,
name to be decided.

Hey, pump the brakes.

You can't change the culture
overnight, okay?

Oh, hey, Frylock!

Carl sold you the 2?

You're gonna freeze
Shaketopia!

Get the hell out of here,
Frylock!

Okay, I'll leave.

Wait, wait.
You don't wanna...

hang out and watch us rule
over these stupid goobers?

They don't even care
that we call them that.

They think it's a compliment.

Yes, yes, it is.
Thank you, Lord.

I am but a stupid goober.

He was licking my ass,
like, 20 minutes ago.

With a smile on his face!

Yeah, he gonna be lickin' mine
soon, too.

It's all innocent fun.
We get along good in here.

There's unity
on this balcony!

Well, I know it's cold
out here, so I brought

some Sluggie Buggies
for all your little...

uh...
are they slaves, or...?

Shh!
We don't use that word.

We prefer the term
"unwilling servants."

[ Electricity
crackling ]

Sluggie Buggies for all!

No, no,
I'm saying that part.

Sluggie Buggies for all!

But be aware.

The no-direct-eye-contact rule
is still in effect!

Yeah, y'all,
don't get cocky!

[ Coughing ]

This Sluggie Buggie,
it makes me feel...

uggie-wuggie.

Glorf! No!

My people!

My people!

What did you do, Meatwad?

I give you one ounce
of power,

and this is how
you repay me?

Yes, I implanted
a computer virus

inside the Sluggie Buggies.

I did!

Ethnic cleansing?

Quite the side hustle
you've got there, Frylock.

You maniac!

Pogrom!
Get your pogrom!

You know what, Shake?

Fine, go back to your little

freakland,

your little fakey freakland

with all your little fake,
synthetic, little weirdos --

They're Glorfinoids,
Frylock!

And they are real to me!

My personal assistant,
who lathered my buttocks orally,

he had a name!

I don't remember it right now,
so let's just call him Mike

for the sake
of this conversation.

Are you saying
Mike is not real?

Mike was just zeroes and ones?

Yaahhh!

Oh, what did you do to my spine?

And who drew all these
superheroes and robots

on the side of my cup?

I did.

I mean, they're pretty good.

Is this permanent ink?

I may actually keep these.

Hey, man.
Start jiggling!

Come on, y'all.

Jiggle with your jiggle-belly

now.

Let's go with a wiggle-jiggle.

Well, tarnation!

Sooey!

[ Laughs ]