03x27 - April 26, 1992

[bunniefuu]

Well, now that the F.D.A. Has banned
silicone breast implants...

I better call the doctor
and have them removed.

[Man]
Wait.! Stop what you're doing.

Why? These are no good for me.

[Man Chuckles]
That's what you think.

But did you know you could be
throwing away hours of fun?

But I can't keep these.
Silicone isn't safe.

No, not silicone...SillyCone.

Yes, like Silly Putty, SillyCone is
the breast you can play with.

Take it on thejob to relieve stress.

Copy your favorite comic strip.

- [Chattering]
- They're great fun at birthday parties.

You can even make them do tricks.

SillyCone comes in three sizes:
Bouncy, meaty and grandma.

- How you livin'?
- What?

- How you livin'?
- What?

- How you livin'?
- ♪ In living color♪

- ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪
- ♪ In living color♪

- ♪ Anything you want is up to you ♪
- ♪ In living color♪

- ♪ You for me and me for you ♪
- ♪ In living color♪

- ♪ You can be anything you wanna be ♪
- ♪ In living color♪

♪ Let's take a trip and sip on a dream ♪

♪ Glide with the guide on a funky scene ♪

♪ Here comes another one of those
funky, funny mo'money shows ♪

♪ A cast for laughs
and talented roles ♪

♪ And sisters with twisters
for you been lookin', listener♪

♪ It seems you don't believe
so you can believe what I convince ya ♪

♪ Some booty to your short and thought
We'll make it snappy ♪

♪ With jokes and pokes
at folks to keep you happy ♪

♪ No need to hold
your remote control ♪

♪ Chill
This show's got soul ♪

♪ All aboard, all aboard
The train never troubles ♪

♪ You'd better snuggle up
couple up ♪

- ♪ On the double-dub-double ♪
- ♪ Yeah ♪

♪ It's hard to believe
but some of the best things in life are free ♪

♪ So, fellas, grab your girl
Tell her that you love her♪

♪ 'Cause that's the way you're livin'
when you're livin'in living color♪

♪ Go, go, go, go
go, go, go, go ♪

♪ Go, go, go, go
go, go, go, go ♪

♪ Go, go, go, go
go, go, go, go ♪

♪ Go, go, go ♪

♪ Go, go, go, go ♪♪

- [Screaming]
- [Shouting, Indistinct]

Hey! How you doin'?

Who would've ever thought
that Miss Benita'd turn out to be...

the delegate representin'
the Hopkins Projects?

[Giggles] Course, I always been one
to better myself.

Mm-hmm. Honey, when them other heifers were
out runnin' numbers and eatin' Scooter Pies...

Miss Benita was out registerin' voters
for the Rainbow Coalition.

That's right. Honey, I dropped out of grade school
so I could earn some money for college.

Oh! Oh, lookie there!

There go Paul Tsongas!
There go Paul Tsongas!

Oh, he's a fine man, fine man.

Honey, overcoming that dreadful disease
to run for office... Oh, boy.

And he was in the hospital
with all them operations.

Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm.

Surgeons removed
everything but the ugly.

What Mr. Tsongas really needs
is a "face-ectomy."

The man's so ugly, when he was born...

the doctors almost circumcised
the wrong end.

But I ain't one to gossip,
so you ain't heard that from me.

No, you... [Gasps]

Oh, look at this! Bill Clinton!

Hey, Bill! Hey, Bill,
I know you hear me. Bill!

Oh, you know, honey,
all that dirt on Bill Clinton...

you know, the extramarital affair,
theJesseJackson thing?

None of that mean
he can't be a good president.

Mm-hmm. Honey, you talk about Bill Clinton,
you ask Miss Benita...

and Miss Benita says,
"Now there goes a good candidate."

[Chuckles]

Candidate for penicillin.

Honey, that man done seen
more drawers than a panty shield.

That's the first man I know
to discover Victoria's secret.

But I ain't one to gossip, so you ain't heard that
from me. No, you haven't.

Course, as much as
I love my Democrats...

they gonna have some stiff competition
from the Republicans this year...

Mm-hmm. Especially with
that Pat Buchanan up for office.

You know Pat Buchanan, the man
who used to have that show Crossfire?

Oh, yeah. Honey,
I loves me some Crossfire.

I watch that show every night.

[Laughing]

I just wish he'd get that cross fire
off my front lawn.

Honey, that man ain't nothin' but David Duke
without the tummy tuck.

You put that cr*cker in office,
and come Christmas...

there's gonna be a lot more than tinsel
hanging off the White House tree.

I ain't one to gossip, so you ain't heard that
from me. No, you haven't.

Course, as many competitors
as they have...

it's gonna be hard for anybody
to get into office now...

because of the fine job that
Mr. George Herbert Walker Bush is doin'.

That's right, honey.
Him and Barbara Bush, the first lady.

First grandlady is more like it.

Now, I knew Bush was tight
with Uncle Sam...

but he didn't have
to up and marry him.

Honey, the only thing in worse shape
than this economy is her booty.

That butt hangs so low
it sweeps up after itself.

And that Vice President Quayle...
that Vice President Quayle is so dumb...

he need a tutor to read Bush's lips.

But I ain't one to gossip,
so you ain't heard that from me.

No, you haven't.
Mm, mm, mm.

That's right, honey.
Come November...

ain't no doubt
who Miss Benita's gonna vote for.

That's right, honey.

Miss Benita gonna write in
a vote for Miss Jenkins, honey.

'Cause Miss Jenkins is
like a mama to me, honey.

I loves me some Miss Jenkins.
[Gasps]

Don't nobody better say nothing bad
about Miss Jenkins, honey.

Nobody... That's right.

Miss Jenkins gonna put some excitement
back in the White House.

Just don't let her use the bathroom
in the Oval Office.

Woman'll stink it up so bad
they'll put that wall back up in Germany.

But I ain't one to gossip,
so you ain't heard that from me.

Oh, look! There goes Gary Hart!

Gary! Gary! Gary!

Hey! I'm Crazy Tom down here
at Crazy Tom's Appliances.

You in the market for a stereo,
VCR or big-screen TV?

Well, what ya waitin' on? Come on down here
and make yourself a deal...

before my medication wears off.

[Gasps] Uh, yeah. Uh, yeah.
I'm on medication.

Take a look at this here.
A Hitachi -inch big-screen TV...

complete with remote control
and Dolby speakers.

Now, what do you think
something like this go for?

$ , ? Nope.
A thousand dollars? Uh-uh.

Try, uh, $ . .
Uh, yeah. Uh, yeah.

How can we do it?
I just told you. I'm crazy!

So come on down and meet some of my crazy
salespeople. Tell 'em what we got, Lennie.

We have these beautifulJ.V.C. Amplifiers
on sale today...

meat pie.

So you might want to come down
because I can give you one heck of a...

rabbit... deal.

So be sure to ask for me, Lennie.
Hope to see ya!

Cock-a-doodie.

Oh, man! Man, we even take trade-ins.

- We'll take anything!
- Hey, will you take this bottle?

Sure! Grab yourself a VCR.

He made... He made himself a good deal.

Now let me introduce you
to our lovely cashier.

Go ahead. Tell 'em how many stereos
we've sold this week.

, definitely. ...

Oh! : ,Judge Wapner's on.
Doug Luellen, Doug Luellen, Doug Luellen.

Right. Thank you, Rain Woman.

Hey, man. You got no money,
pay me later.

We've been serving the community since ...
last Friday. Uh, yeah. Uh, yeah. Uh, yeah.

You know, people always come up to me.
They say, "Crazy Tom?"

I say, " What?" They say, " How can you sell
all that high-quality merchandise...

at such a low, low price
and still make a profit?"

I don't!

I'm crazy!

[Man]
Crazy Tom's Going Out of My Mind Sale...

Open seven days a week,
midnight to : a.m.

Crazy Tom's... We're slashing prices.!

♪♪ [Hip-hop]

Uh, hello. My name is LaShawn,
and I will be your tour guide...

for the Native American art exhibit.

The rules are as follows.
Pay attention 'cause I only say things once.

So don't be talking while I'm talking,
or better yet, just don't say nothing.

Now, we will get started
as soon as the rest of us get here.

Oh, l... I'm so sorry.

I was just admiring that beautiful
piece of work back there.

- Did you realize
that the Cherokee Indians never...
- Uh-huh.

Look, I'm sure you came here with a wealth
of information to share with us today...

but, uh, if you don't mind, your trip
to Little Big Horn is not on my schedule.

Uh, can we move right along?

Uh, this was done in
by the artist Running Feather.

You know, actually,
I'm well acquainted with her work.

- She didn't pick up a paintbrush
until she was years old.
- My goodness.

Oh, I could be wrong,
but last time I checked...

I was working alone.

Uh, now if you feel that you can enrich
the lives of this tour group so much...

you could just go back downstairs
and fill out an application.

Okay, can we please move on?

Whoa! What's this?

Are you blind?
That's a bow and arrow.

Uh... Uh, excuse me!

Did you see a sign that said
you could take some pictures?

- Well, I was just taking...
- Just answer the question.

I was just taking pictures for my wife.
Me and my wife, we met at a museum.

- Oh, that's nice.
- Oh, that is beautiful and romantic.

I'm sure that Chuck Woolery would be
very touched to hear your story...

but since we don't care
about you or your wife...

do you care to join us on the tour?

- [Shouting]
- You don't come in here with that.

Does this look like your home?

Do you see rats and roaches
and an eviction sign somewhere?

I didn't think so.

Come in here like Buffy and Jody
out of the projects.

There you go. I'm so sorry.

They're usually very well behaved children.
Just a little mischievous...

- like their mom!
- Mm-hmm.

Uh, well, that is so heartwarming...

it makes me want to get pregnant
and go through nine hours of labor...

just so I can know
what you talkin' about.

But, um, if your little angels are
so well behaved...

why come they runnin' round here
like they at a special at Kmart or something?

Oh, my God. Come on, children.
Let's get out of here.

I don't want you around somebody
with such a funky attitude.

Oh, no, 'cause I will snatch you
and your kids!

Hey! Can... Can we get on with this?

Excuse me, but for your information,
my name is not "Hey."

If you can read,
the name tag says "LaShawn."

If you have a problem with that,
see my supervisor.

And if you lookin' for some hay,
I suggest you go check the stable.

Look at this artwork.
The texture is just so lifelike.

Wow. It's amazing
how they make this in such detail.

And just what are you doing?

Oh, I'm just trying to get
a better feel of the texture.

- This is an incredible piece of work.
- Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Well, that's cool
and everything.

I'm sure scientists from all over the world
are just dyin' to come over here...

and do research on your incredible
sense of touch.

But, um, as far as our policy goes here...

Uh..." Nice to look at, nice to hold.

If you break it, consider it sold."

Now, on the next part of the tour...

you're gonna be seein'
some Hopi Native American art...

um, basic pottery, everyday hunting tools,
religious artifacts...

- all from sacred burial grounds
approximately years old.
- Wow!

- Great. I can't wait to see that.
- Me neither.

Mm-hmm. Well, you gonna have to,
'cause it's time for my lunch break.

Uh, if you care to wait,
I'll be back in minutes...

and if not, have a nice day.

♪♪ [Hip-hop]

How is it going, Dr. Ito?

Wonderful. Another few days
collecting data...

and we'll have the cure for cancer.

Something's showing up on the radar.

Looks like it's right outside the ship.

Viewing screen!

Hey! Think you could let me in?

Air's startin' to get
a little thin out here.

Danger! Danger!
Dr. Smith, Dr. Smith!

Oh, my God!

Open up the space pad.

[Beeps]

Hi! Howdy, folks!
Fire Marshal Bill here.

Ya know, you antigravity geeks
are due for a little safety investigation.

- Well, uh, let me be the first
to welcome you aboard.
- Thank you, son.

That's a nice mustache you got there.
Had one like it myself.

Then one day I put my cigar in
backwards and... Boom!

My lip went up like a tinderbox.

- But I don't smoke.
- None of us do.

And I'm sure you'll find
that our ship is...

the safest outpost in the galaxy.

That's what they said when I inspected
the Titanic, but I showed 'em different.

Unsinkable, my good eye!

- [Bubbling]
- Uh-oh.

What's goin' on over here, Princess Leia?

It is a refrigeration experiment.

We're freezing this produce
with liquid nitrogen.

Well, that's fine and dandy,
but remember...

in space,
no one can hear ya scream.

Let me tell ya somethin'!

Let's just say you're gettin' ready
to freeze some veggies...

and you mistake your hand
for a stalk of celery.

- [Sizzling]
- ♪ La, la-la la-la, la ♪

♪ La, la-la, la-la
Mother of God ♪♪

Then you go to hang
your autographed picture of Chewbacca...

and the next thing you know...

The Iceman Cometh.!
[Laughing]

[Smacking Lips] Gee, that demonstration
left me a little parched.

[Ito] Don't drink that!
That jar contains aliens!

So that's how they're gettin'
over the border.

Hey, you! Come on out and show me
your green card!

Oh, my God! One of them is missing!
[Panting]

Hmm. I wonder where it could be.

[Screaming]

Hi! Howdy, folks!
[Laughs]

Don't touch him!
He's got my eyes!

- Are you all right?
- Are ya joking?

I've had more parasites livin' off me
than Eddie Murphy.

[Snickering]

Alert! Alert! There's an alien
roaming free on board!

Speakin' of roaming free...

how come these seats
don't have safety belts?

We don't need 'em.
This ship is perfectly safe.

I beg to differ, Buck Rogers!

What if one of your fellow astronauts
is a frustrated soprano?

He's in the shower.
He breaks into a high note from Figaro.

♪♪ [High Note]

[Shouting]
Hit the panel seal!

- Hit the panel seal!
- [Ito] I got it!

We've lost Dr. Jones!

But we've learned a valuable lesson.

Buckle up for safety!

Well, burn my bridgework.

Is that a self-destruct sequencer?

When was the last time
you had that baby tested?

Please don't touch that.

You know, a gadget like that
can be handy...

but it can also lead
to a very unpleasant total...

demise!

Let's just say
you're sleepwalking one night...

and you're dreaming Darth Vader
just told ya he's your father.

Naturally, you're completely suicidal...

and you program the computer
to start the final countdown like so.

Oops.

[Male Electronic Voice # ]
The station will self-destruct in seconds.

- Nineteen, ...
- You idiot!

- Everyone, into the shuttle!
- , ...

[Male Electronic Voice # ]
Please remain calm. He is a fire marshal.

Thank you, HAL.
Ya see, HAL knows...

that all I have to do is use
the main computer override key.

[Male Electronic Voice # ]
Nine...

Now, if I could only remember
which one it is.

Seven, six...

- Not that one.
- five, four...

- Wrong again.
- three...

- Oh, yeah. This is it!
- two, one...

[expl*si*n]

A lifetime of work...

Gone. All gone.

They can put a man on the moon...

but they can't protect us from ourselves.

[Exhales]

Feels good to have
the sun on my face!

Course I'd rather have
my face on the sun.

Hey, let me show ya somethin'!

[Together] No!

[expl*si*n]

[expl*si*n]

- Please welcome...
- From First Priority Records...

- Performing "Poor Georgie"...
- [Together] M.C. Lyte.

♪ I met him in a club
hangin' out one night ♪

♪ He said, Hello, I'm George
Hi, Lyte ♪

♪ How's everything going, huh
How ya doin' ♪

♪ Hope everything's fine
Ooh and aah ♪

♪ Can I call you sometime
Can I get the digits ♪

♪ And the address
so I can come visit ♪

♪ I gave him the digits
That wasn't a problem ♪

♪ 'Cause if he caused any
I would have to solve them ♪

♪ 'Cause George looked good
Mm, damn good ♪

♪ And in my mind
I knew he would ♪

♪ In my mind
I hoped for the best ♪

♪ Convincing myself
that this was not a test ♪

♪ 'Cause I heard many things
about Georgie ♪

♪ Nothing kinky, like no orgy ♪

♪ I heard he knows
how to make love ♪

♪ Like an angel
from the heaven above ♪

♪ Who was I kiddin'
I'd give him a try ♪

♪ 'Cause Lyte needs love too
and that ain't no lie ♪

♪ Keep your ears open
Hope that you're listening ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm about to take you
on a Georgie Porgie mission ♪

♪ Can it be I stayed away too long ♪

♪ Can it be I stayed away too long ♪

♪ I gave him the digits
I saw it in his eyes ♪

♪ She gave me the number
Hmm, I'm surprised ♪

♪ Good conversation over the phone ♪

♪ He begin to comfort me
whenever I was alone ♪

♪ George was sweet
so nice and so neat ♪

♪ With any other guy
he didn't have to compete ♪

♪ George was mature
He made sure ♪

♪ That he was the only man
I'd ever adore ♪

♪ Girls, have you ever had a friend ♪

♪ That ya get wit' every now and then ♪

♪ I know for a fact
George had a lot of girls ♪

♪ Spread out from state to state
around the world ♪

♪ As long as he was smart
and kept his girls in check ♪

♪ Made sure I never saw them
and showed me respect ♪

♪ He didn't have to be loyal
like men should be ♪

♪ I don't care about the other girls
Just be good to me ♪

♪ But if I ever saw one
that would be the end ♪

♪ He couldn't kick the sorry lie
that she was just a friend ♪

♪ The girls, I didn't care
If I ask, don't lie ♪

♪ See, 'cause Georgie was
into makin' young girls cry ♪

♪ Kissed the girls and made them cry ♪

♪ Kissed the girls and made them cry ♪

♪ Kissed the girls and made them cry ♪

♪ Kissed the girls and made them cry ♪

- ♪ Kissed the girls and made them cry ♪
- ♪ Can it be I stayed away ♪

- ♪ Too long ♪
- ♪ Kissed the girls and made them cry ♪

- ♪ Kissed the girls and made them cry ♪
- ♪ Can it be I stayed away ♪

- ♪ Too long ♪
- ♪ Kissed the girls and made...♪

♪ George was clean
No dr*gs and such ♪

♪ But once in a while
he'd drink too much ♪

♪ Hangin' in a club
where they played rockers ♪

♪ Him and his friend drinkin' vodka ♪

♪ I was lookin' for him
and I found him there ♪

♪ With his clothes messed up
and his messed-up hair ♪

♪ I told him he was messin'up
He wouldn't go far♪

♪ He got mad and asked his friend
for the keys to the car ♪

♪ I said, Don't drive
Use your head ♪

♪ Drive while you're drunk
and you k*ll yourself dead ♪

♪ We begin to argue
Bad words were said ♪

♪ Then he got kicked out
by some long-haired dread ♪

♪ Ran into the car
as if in a hurry ♪

♪ Started the car
but his vision was blurry ♪

♪ He didn't care
He drove off into the night ♪

♪ Riding for miles
without his headlights ♪

♪ Georgie Porgie had
too much on his mind ♪

♪ He was still young
yet running out of time ♪

♪ Last week he took tests
and the doctor told him ♪

♪ George had cancer
in his lungs and his colon ♪

♪ See, when he was
he started smokin' ♪

♪ Paid no attention
when he started chokin' ♪

♪ Thoughts flashed through his head
There they stuck ♪

♪ Till Georgie Porgie
crashed into a truck ♪

♪ I wish I would've told him
I liked him so much ♪

♪ How he made me feel
with the slightest touch ♪

♪ Now he's gone and I can't
tell him nothin' ♪

♪ Wish he was here
so I could say somethin' ♪

♪ Story is not to say
that I'm in sorrow ♪

♪Just to say no one
is promised tomorrow ♪

♪ If you love someone
you should say it often ♪

♪ You never know when they'll be
laying in a coffin ♪

♪ Wake up, It's important
that you know ♪

♪ That no one on Earth
is promised tomorrow ♪

♪ Tomorrow, tomorrow
tomorrow, tomorrow ♪

♪ Believe that and don't think
that it can't happen to you ♪♪