03x03 - Kidnapped in Space

[bunniefuu]

[ Electronic Twittering ]

Cease and desist, William.

That noise offends my delicate ears.

Correction.

It is not noise.

It is the music of the spheres.

Hold your tongue, you silly goose.

It's quite obvious you were never programmed for music appreciation.

Well, it does have a nice b*at to it, Dr.

Smith.

b*at indeed.

Noise is noise, not music.

The next thing I know, you two will be turning this place into the Galaxy A

-Go

-Go or some such nonsense.

Now, either turn it off, or tune into another star cluster that's more melodious.

Yes, sir.

[ Electronic Twittering Stops ]



- [ Staticky Beeping ]



- William, stop! Stop right there.

Put it on the amplifier.

I'd say you weren't programmed for music appreciation either, Dr.

Smith.

It's not music.

It sounds like

-

-

- I'm not altogether sure what it sounds like.



- What do you think it is? I compute it to be a complex communication form based on metric fractional units.

I knew it.

Somebody is trying to contact us.

Quickly, William.

Run it through the compu

-translator so we can hear what they're saying.

[ Computerized Male Voice ]

Attention spaceship now approaching quadrant six.

Can you hear us?

- Attention, can you hear us?

- Yes.

Yes.

Tell them yes.

Maybe we shouldn't, Dr.

Smith.

You know what Dad says about contacting aliens.

Let's just pretend we didn't hear them.

Really, William.

What kind of space explorer are you? Who knows what wonders they may have to share with us? If Marco Polo had been as timid as you the world would never have learned about chop suey and fortune cookies.

More the pity.

Hello, out there.

This is the spaceship Jupiter 2.

Attention, spaceship.

What is your basic language structure? We use the basic English alphabet: [ Dings ]

Greetings, spaceship Jupiter 2.

Is there a doctor aboard your ship? Someone there must be awfully sick.

Well, there's nothing we can do about it.



- Repeat.

Is there a doctor aboard your ship?

- Turn it off.



- There will be riches

- Wait! beyond measure for anyone who comes to our aid.



- Riches?

- Dr.

Smith, you can't.

You're not a real medical doctor.

Indeed.

I am a doctor of intergalactic environmental psychology.



- You are a quack.



- What?

- A quack.



- How dare you.

You are not an accredited doctor of medicine.

You are a

-

- Silence, ninny.

I heard you the first time.

But you're quite right.

Though I might be able to help those poor unfortunates I wouldn't dream of flying under false colors even though there might be some small monetary compensation for myself.

But enough of this.

Some unknown creature's trials and tribulations are of no concern to us.

Tomorrow we shall wake up a thousand light

-years from here with a whole new galaxy before us.

Oh, dear.

Oh, dear.

I'm completely exhausted.



- I think we should all have a nice little rest.



- But, Dr.



-

- Come along, William.

It's surely past your bedtime.



- Dr.

Smith, it's still early.



- Nonsense, my boy.

You need your rest.

Well, what are you waiting for? Press the button.

"On.

Off.

" "In.

out.

Number one, two, three

-

-" Oh, good heavens.

It's very complicated.

I shall never manage it.



- Dr.

Smith.



- What do you want here? I detest snooping.

Begone.

You are off limits.

No one is allowed here except Professor Robinson and the major.

It's not off limits to me.

I have every right to come here for a bit of privacy anytime I so desire.

You didn't come here just for privacy.

You are planning to descend to the Xenian space probe.

Indeed.

And if I am, I certainly have no intention of answering to you you bellicose bumpkin.

You have no human compassion like the rest of us.

You don't know how much joy it would give me if I could in some way help those poor unfortunate creatures.

My sensors indicate you are motivated by monetary gain.

That is a lie.

I'm a Good Samaritan on an errand of mercy.

Now, kindly stand aside and allow me to proceed.

No.

I compute danger.

You cannot go there.

But I must.

Think of all the riches.

Think of all the good I could do there.

Repeat.

I compute danger.

There's no danger.

There are just people who need me.

Now get out of my way, you lily

-livered lump! [ Screams ]

[ Screams ]

My sensors compute danger.

We must turn back.

Nonsense.

We're on a mission of mercy.

How lovely.

They're coming to meet us.

Oh, dear.

Aren't they getting a bit too close for comfort? Danger.

We are on a collision course.

Well, don't just stand there.

Do something.

Save us! It is too late.

They have a magnetic ray beaming on us.

We cannot escape its power.

Don't let us crash.

Oh, no, no.

We can't crash.

I'm too young to die like this.

I won't look.

It will go away.

[ Robot ]

We must leave immediately.

We are in danger.

Never fear, Smith is here.

You said we were in danger before and just see what a lovely landing we've made.

Come along, you cowardly clump.

You'd think after all that talk on the radio they'd have someone here to meet us.

My sensors compute danger.

We should return to the Jupiter 2 at once.

It appears that we no longer have a choice so you'll have to stay here with me and observe as I perform medical miracles.

Greetings.

In your language, I would be known as 764.

This is 1220.

How do you do? I am Dr.

Zachary Smith, and this is my male nurse.

Welcome, Dr.

Smith.

You understand, of course, that I don't as a rule make house calls but I realize this must be an emergency.



- Oh, yes, it is.

Uh, this way, please.



- Uh, one moment, sir.

What, may I ask, is the nature of the ailment that the patient is suffering from? You are a doctor.

You will see that for yourself.



- Now, come quickly, please.



- Another moment, sir.

I know it might appear unseemly to inject a commercial note into the proceedings at this point but you did say that my payment would be something quite valuable.

Just how valuable is your life? If our leader dies your time will also be ended.

Your leader? I don't quite understand.

Our leader is the patient you will perform brain surgery on.

Brain surgery? Of the most delicate kind.

Now, we must hurry before it is too late.

No.

Stop.

Dr.

Smith cannot operate.

He is not a doctor.

But you yourself called him doctor.

He is not a member of the medical profession.

It is just an honorary title.

Honorary title indeed.

Pay no attention.

I happen to be a full

-fledged doctor of intergalactic environmental psychology.

Then it is settled.

You will operate on our leader.

But

-

- Yes, sir.

Well, we've searched every inch of the ship.



- No sign of Dr.

Smith or the Robot.



- Where could they have gone? Well, we were hoping Smith might have fallen overboard.

Then we discovered the space pod was gone.



- I think I know what happened to them.



- What? Well, last night we were listening to space music.

Space music? Well, that's what the Robot calls electromagnetic space static.

And it does sound kind of like music, so we were all listening to it.

Uh, just a moment, Son.

Uh, what's all this got to do with their being missing? Well, you see, then Dr.

Smith heard this call for help so I guess he and the Robot went out to help them.

Smith went out to help someone? Well, it sounded like they were offering a big reward.

Smith went out to help someone.

This call for help, did they say where it came from? They said they were from the Xenian galaxy.

Let's take a look at the chart here.

Xenian galaxy.



- Yeah.

Here it is.



- It was on our course, all right.

We must have passed through it during the night.

Well, I estimate it'll take about six and a half hours to return there.



- Do we have to?

- Oh, Don.

Well, I don't think it'd be fair to the Robot to leave him stranded with Dr.

Smith, do you? All right.

We'll plot a course at A43.

16.

And as you can see, the operation must take place immediately

- if our leader is to survive.



- But I can't operate on anyone.

You will be well paid.

We have promised you that.

But I can't.

I faint at the sight of blood.

Time is running out for you, Dr.

Smith.

If our leader dies, so do you.



- Oh, no.



- You will prepare yourself to operate immediately.

Scrub up.



- Scrub up?

- Scrub up.

[ Gasps ]

Quack.

Oh, please.

My dear friend.

My bosom companion.

You must help me.

How can I help you? You're a full

-fledged doctor of intergalactic environmental psychology and I am just a plain, ordinary male nurse.



- Oh, you're not plain.



- The Jupiter 2 is returning.

You see? They're coming back.

I knew they wouldn't desert me.

Compute their probable approach and have them met with appropriate action.

We can't have anyone interfering with the delicate operation that Dr.

Smith has to perform.

Are you ready to operate, Doctor? But I

-

- Take him to his patient.

At least you look the part.

It's all your fault, you treasonous tyrant.

Just you wait! Well, there it is.

The Xenian galaxy.

Shouldn't be too long now.

Well, how are we ever gonna find them? Our ionic beam locator should be able to pick up the space pod's frequency register.



- John, quick.



- What? I don't know, but we're picking up something dead ahead.



- Is it a star cluster?

- No.



- Planet?

- Not quite as big, but almost.

Look.

Well, we won't have to find that Xenian space probe.

They've already found us.



- Look how big it is.



- I've never seen a spaceship that big in my life.

All right.

Not too close, Don.

I want a good look before we make contact.

Everything looks all right.

Then we'll make contact.

Xenian space probe, this is the Earth ship Jupiter 2.

Come in if you read me.

Xenian space probe, answer immediately if you read me.

Take evasive action.

It's no use.

There's no response.



- The controls aren't working.



- Why, they're beaming a magnetic ray at us.

It's pulling us towards them.

Reverse thrust! Full power! It's no use.

The magnetic beam's just too strong.

[ Electronic Buzzing ]

All right.

Hang on.

[ Crash ]

[ Electronic Buzzing ]

All right.

Don and I are going out and have a look.

Get the lasers, Son.

Oh, John, do you really need the g*ns? From what Will said, the Robot and Dr.

Smith are in there of their own accord.

Well, maybe they are, but we're not.

After we leave, keep the hatches and the doors locked.



- Don't open to anyone but us.



- Can't I go with you?

- No, Son.

You stay here.



- Be careful, dear.

All right, dear.

[ Alarm Blaring ]

There's the space pod.

Seems peaceful enough.

All right.

We'll search in a circular pattern.

If we're lucky, Dr.

Smith will stay lost.

[ b*mb Whistles ]

[ b*mb Whistling ]

[ expl*si*n ]

[ b*mb Whistling ]

[ John ]

Let's go! They've got us cut off.



- We haven't got a chance of getting back to the Jupiter.



- [ b*mb Whistles ]

It's not

-

-

- Don, get away.



- [ Man ]

Drop your w*apon.



- We've come in peace.



- So I see.

We were just trying to defend ourselves.

Two of our crew members are missing.

We have reason to believe that they're aboard this space probe.

Dr.

Smith and his aide are here.



- If you'll turn them over to us, we'll be gone.



- That is impossible.



- Dr.

Smith should be in the operating room by now.



- The operating room?

- He is operating on our most noble and exalted leader.



- You've got to be kidding.



- You doubt our leader's qualities?

- No, I mean about Dr.

Smith.

He couldn't cut an overgrown toenail, let alone operate on anyone.

For your sakes, I hope you are mistaken.

Oh, please.

You can't make me go through with this.

You are a doctor.

You will save our leader's life.



- I seem to be too late.



- Stop.

I'm definitely too late.

What

-

- What is this? Not there, but here.

Our noble leader.

The very precious life you will save.

My dear sir, that is a machine.

This is a machine.

And far more accurate, let me tell you.

I happen to be a full

-fledged doctor of intergalactic environmental psychology and I do not operate on machines.

It is not just a machine, but the greatest brain in the universe.

[ Whirring ]

Our great leader bids you welcome.

He is pleased that you have come to help.

But I can't do it.

I've been telling you that I cannot do it.

Don't you realize the great task that has been put into your hands? All the knowledge of the universe is in our great leader's brain.

With that great store of knowledge to lead us no force in the universe can stand in our way.

All will fall before us.

Do you have any idea of the enormous power within your grasp as personal physician to the ruler of the universe? You spoke of a desire for riches.

What treasure in the universe could not be yours once we rule? Personal physician to the ruler of the universe.

I will have to think it over.

I'll do it.

Good.

But I said I would do it.

How very odd.

Let's vacate the premises, ninny.

[ Whirring ]

Ah, you see why we will be invincible.

Our leader's heart is our hearts and once it is sound again, nothing can ever stop our time span.

We have no time to lose.

If our leader's time span ends, all life here will also die.

You must operate immediately.

These are your instruments.

My instruments.

Of course.



- I can't do it!

- Come back! Come back! [ Whirring ]



- Does that help?

- [ Whirring ]

You are quite welcome.

Why aren't you behind bars with the rest of us, you tin

-plated traitor? I cannot help it if they made me a trusty.

Why do they allow you to roam free and keep us locked up? Because I am a machine, and machines are trustworthy.

Bah.

Professor, you must get us out of here.

They'll destroy me if I don't operate on their leader.

If you hadn't told them you were a doctor none of us would be in this spot.

[ Dr.

Smith ]

But I was doing an errand of mercy.

[ John ]

Yes.

Will mentioned the treasure they offered you.

Nothing of the kind.

I was just doing my duty as a doctor.

[ Don ]

Knock it off.

We all know you're nothing but a fraud.

Spare me the poisonous barbs, Major.

Even if I were the greatest surgeon in the galaxies, I couldn't help their leader.



- He's beyond help.



- [ Robot ]

No, he is not.

Their leader is very sick, but he could be saved.

He is suffering from a worn

-out mechanism complicated by twisted electronic rotors and eroded counterweights.

That sounds like a very professional diagnosis.

I was programmed in premed courses for two semesters at the Institute of Cybernetics.

I was first in my class.

But then I decided I was more interested in space exploration and changed my major subject.

Good heavens.

A medical school dropout.

But I still learned more than enough to operate on their leader

-

- if I wanted to.

[ Dr.

Smith ]

You must save him, my dear friend.

They'll spare us if you do.

Please say that you'll do it.

Now we will try once again.

No.

I tell you.

I will not operate.

You must! You can save his life! No.

If he lives, you will use his great brain for your evil plans.

I will not let you cause death and destruction throughout the universe in your w*r of conquest.

We can force you to operate.

You cannot force me to do something I know is wrong.

There must be someone whose safety he values above all else.

If we had that person in our power the Robot would do whatever we want him to.

Use the personality indicator.

The indicator will reveal which one of your party is closest to you.



- Did we get a good reading?

- We will soon know.

[ Electronic Twittering ]

[ Electronic Twittering ]

[ Twittering Stops ]



- [ Gasps ]



- Do not call out.

You will only endanger the others on this ship if you do.

Who are you? Yes, that's a good question.

Who are you? What are you doing here? It's all very easy to explain.

You see, originally we come from the planet Altair Crusis to

-

- [ Ticking ]

[ Ticking Continues ]

We could have k*lled her instead of bending time back.

Now will you come peacefully with us or do we have to destroy everyone aboard this ship? Where are you going to take me? You will be among friends.

In fact, they're waiting for you right now.

I guess I don't have a choice.



- You still haven't said where you're taking me.



- You will not be harmed.

You're smaller than the others.

What is your time span? I don't know.

What's yours? Mine is 12.

2.

0.

I was constructed in the second day of the 12th year of our leader's rule.



- Oh.

You mean how old am I.



- But here no one is old or young.

Our whole society is based upon that principle.

Time is not something to be measured.

It is merely something to be used.

But that's impossible.

Time is something that just passes, you know.

Not if you've learned its secrets as our leader has.

We control time, and through it, we will control the universe.



- Do you really believe that?

- It is only a matter of time.

Enough of this.

Our leader waits.

Move on.

Robot!

- Are you all right?

- What are you doing here, Will Robinson?

- You must leave at once.



- No one is leaving here until after you've operated on our leader.

I cannot do it.

It goes against all my programming to aid your plan of conquest.

and then the others.

Wait.

If I save your leader, you promise you will let us all go free? The minute our great leader's time span is secure you are all free to go.

You have lied before.

How do I know you are telling the truth now? Don't listen to him, Robot.

He'll say anything to get you to operate.

I have no choice.

Prepare the patient.

I will operate.

I don't know, Robot.

He seems pretty far gone to me.

I don't think even you can save him.

My programmers at medical school had great hopes for me.

If I can just reactivate my tapes to all that they taught me there is a chance I can pull him through.

Is there anything I can do to help? No.

You should leave the operating room now.

The sight of broken springs and leaking oil is only for strong stomachs.

Okay.

Whatever you say.



- Good luck, Robot.



- Thank you, Will Robinson.

I will need it.

[ Whirring ]

I know it hurts.

It is a dangerous operation but I will try my best.

What's taking so long? He's been in that operating room for hours now.

Those dreadful creatures.

They'll k*ll us all.

I know they will.

The Robot said he was a top student in medical school.

If anyone can save him, he can.

What terrible irony.

Our fate in the hands of that mediocre medical misfit.

At least the Robot had two years of premed school, Smith.

You haven't even had that.

For once in his life, Smith's right.

We just can't hang around here and wait and see how that operation turns out.

We're not gonna just walk out of here.

That's for sure.

Iron bars do not a prison make

-

- or some such drivel.

You do have a plan, don't you? No.

Not really.

Iron bars do a prison make.

Look.

I noticed they just have one guard out there.

Now, somehow, if we could get him in here, then fake him out

-

- That's a real long sh*t, but I guess it's the only chance we've got.

Come here.

Hurry.

Hurry.

We'll all be k*lled if they catch us.

Quiet, Smith.

We'll have this leg off in a minute.



- Oh, dear.



- He's coming.

Come on.

Sit down!

- Let's go.



- We'll never get away with it.

Never.

Quiet, Smith!

- There!

- Put it back.

Now

- does everyone know what they have to do?

- Yes, sir.



- Smith?

- I don't know why you insist upon including me in all this violent nonsense.

I incline towards more gentle forms of persuasion.

All right.

Have it your way.

But we're breaking out of here.

You can stay locked in the cell.

Then try your gentle forms of persuasion to get yourself out.



- You wouldn't dare.



- Put it to a vote.

I say leave him here.

That won't be necessary.

I didn't say I wouldn't help.

Zachary Smith is always ready to help his dear companions when they get themselves clumsily into terrible situations.



- He's coming!

- Smith, go into your act!

- Must I?

- Yes! And now! Oh, the pain, the pain.

Glub, glub, glub, glub, glub, glub, glub, glub.

Glub, glub, glub, glub, glub, glub, glub, glub, glub, glub, glub, glub.

He's got space plague.

If he's not treated fast, it could spread all over the ship.

He needs treatment! He's got the plague! Don, are you all right? Come on! Dad! Don! He's awfully still.

I don't think there's anything more we can do for him, Will.

Wait.

I just remembered.

I saw them do it before they took me from the Jupiter.

It might work.

We've gotta get him up first.



- Dr.

Smith, hold him.



- Yes, I will, Will.

Don, lift up the soldier.

This has to work.

[ Ticking ]

It's working.

[ Ticking Continues ]

Dad, are you all right? Yes.

The last thing I remember was the blast of that ray g*n.



- I'm surprised it didn't do me in for good.



- Yeah, I know.

Well, you can thank Will that it didn't.

These aliens seem to have perfected some kind of a time

-warp mechanism.



- You mean they can bend time?

- Apparently.

And move it backward.

Listen, you're still breathing.

You'd better believe it.



- I think we should get out of here while we still can.



- All right.

Come on.



- Aren't you coming, Dr.

Smith?

- In a moment, William, but first I must figure this out.



- Figure what out?

- This, William.

Do you remember when they first made radio contact with us and they offered me a priceless treasure? Well, I understand it all now.

They meant me to have this.



- The secret of time.



- [ John ]

Will, come on!

- Run along, William.

I'll join you in a moment.



- Okay.

Oh, joy.

Oh, bliss.

To be able to control time.

I shall make a fortune.

I'll know the winner of every race before it's run.

I'll know which stocks are going up, which ones are going down.

I'll know everything before it happens.

How lovely.

[ Ticking ]

[ Dr.

Smith's Voice ]

Oh, dear.

Oh, dear.

Dad!

- Where's Smith?

- He'll be along in a minute.

We're gonna have to hurry to make it back to the Jupiter 2.



- The Robot!

- John, look out! [ b*mb Whistling, Exploding ]

You did it, Robot.

You saved his life.

Shh.

No noise, please.

It was a very difficult operation.

But fortunately my medical skill was equal to the task.

[ Whirring ]

He is telling you what a truly wonderful doctor I am.

Well, you're not gonna get a big head now, are you? Glass does not change size.

You know what I mean.

One Dr.

Smith is enough.

Dr.

Smith is a quack.

I have had two years of intensive programming at one of the best medical schools in the galaxy.

Well, we'll talk about that later.

Right now we've gotta get out of here and help Dad and the others.

Leave here? Impossible.



- Oh, come on.

Let's get out of here while we still can.



- [ Whirring ]

You are upsetting my patient.

You will have to leave now.

Maybe you shouldn't have helped him in the first place.

Maybe he was just too evil to be saved.

That was all in the past.

His close brush with death has taught him new values.

He is a new brain.

That's what you think.

He still controls those androids, doesn't he? Well, right now they're trying to k*ll Dad, Don and Dr.

Smith.



- Impossible.



- Well, if you don't believe me, just ask him.

You'll see.

[ Robot Beeping ]

There.

You see? He won't even answer.

They're right behind us, Son.

Let's go.



- The Robot doesn't want to leave.



- There's no time to argue.

Come on! John, they're coming.

[ Footsteps Approaching ]

They're all rigged into that brain somehow.

That's why it's so important for them to keep it alive.

[ Whirring ]

My patient is sorry.

He says he will mend his ways if I will bring him back to health again.

[ Dr.

Smith's Voice ]

Professor, you must help me.

William, we've always been friends.

Please tell them to help me.

I'm too old to be nine years old.



- Is that really you, Dr.

Smith?

- Yes.

What's left of me.

You used that time device, didn't you? Whatever makes you think that? I'm just a poor, innocent victim of an alien society.

Please help me.

Can't we do anything? It's hard enough being a kid once and it wouldn't be fair for Dr.

Smith to have to go through it all twice.

We've got to do something, Don.

We can't leave him like that.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

Smith as an adult was unbearable.



- As a nine

-year

-old, he'd be impossible.



- Robot tell your patient that we'll consider letting you treat him provided he returns Dr.

Smith back to normal.

[ Beeping ]

[ Whirring ]

My patient says that you must treat him first.

Then when he is healthy again he will consider time

-spanning Dr.

Smith back to his real age.



- That's not acceptable.



- He also says that unless you allow me to treat him within the next two minutes he still has enough strength left to destroy us all.



- Does he?

- Yes, he does.

Well, you heard the ultimatum.

We don't have any choice, do we? We can't disconnect enough of his wires and springs to neutralize him.



- [ Whirring ]



- Wait.

Whose side are you on anyway, Robot? [ Whirring ]

He also wishes to remind you that his timing mechanism is still quite functional and you now only have a minute and a half to obey his orders or be destroyed.

Well, then tell him again just how it is.

Tell him that we'll let you treat him after he's returned Dr.

Smith to normal and after he's secured us safe passage out of here.



- Tell him that.



- [ Beeping ]

Oh, he'll never agree.

Never.

We'll all be destroyed right here.

And me such a wonderful little boy with a brilliant future ahead of me.

Maybe he won't, Dr.

Smith.

Maybe he won't.

He'll destroy us.

I know he will.

There's less than a minute remaining.

In just a few seconds there'll be nothing left of me but a pleasant memory.

My patient has agreed.

He will reform in all ways if you will only let me bring him back to full health and vigor.

Stand over there, child.

[ Beeping ]

[ Screams ]

It's me.

Oh.

Thank heavens it's me again.

What a frightful experience.

And it's all your fault! All right, Robot.

Take care of your patient.

Stay well, sir.

Just you wait! I will have you back to normal in no time.

There.

I know they wanted you to stay there, Robot and I just want to say that I'm glad you decided to come back with us.

'Cause I would have missed you.

And I would have missed you, Will Robinson.

It was a tempting offer though.

They would have set me up in my own planetary research hospital.

Just think.

If my research was successful there might never again be another case of rusted parts or sprung springs in all the universe.

[ Whirring ]

My patient.

He is sick again.

[ Twittering ]

[ Whirring ]

[ Twittering ]



- What was the matter with him?

- He was running a temperature.

Merely a routine symptom of a postoperative recuperation period.