02x08 - Bars

[bunniefuu]

[upbeat music]

Why is this history book so big?

Nothing that happened before I got here
can be that important.

[screams]

Why do you insist on scaring me
like that, Tiffany?

[laughs] IDK, it's a power thing.

Well, I'm surprised you came to school

with your eyebrows
looking like that, girl.

[gasps] What's wrong with my brows?

[gasps] Nothing.
But look who has the power now?

Still me because I'm putting on
a fashion show for Sophia Fugazi.

Sophia Fugazi, the famous fashion icon,
the designer of the crystal crop top?

Me talking.

So I was thinking,

who's the second-most stylish person
in school?

Is it you?

It's you.

Your prize is you can be
a runway model with me.

Me working with you?

Oh, nah, baby, I'm out.

Sophia Fugazi said she would send
the models home with an outfit.

My own Fugazi?

Oh, I'm in.

[chuckles] Perf!

Tiffany and Lay Lay
on the catwalk together.

Amaze!

You mean Lay Lay and Tiffany
on the catwalk together.

But that does sound fire.

-I so don't like you.
-Aww!

I don't like you more.

[upbeat music]

[door opens]

Oh, good, you're finally here,
'cause I've got news, baby.

Oh, my gosh. Me too!

[both] You got first. No, you. Okay.

My favorite elementary-school teacher,
Ms. Santalucia,

invited me to come back to her class

and tell the third graders
what I was like at that age.

Your news is extra school.

What a dud.

I get to be a role model for kids,

and if I do it right, I might even get
my picture on the Santalucia wall of fame.

Well, I'm gonna be a runway model
for Sophia Fugazi,

the coolest designer
on this side of the Mississippi.

Do you know what side
of the Mississippi we're on?

Can I just brag?
Does this have to be a geometry quiz?

Geography.

Whatever! Look, this is huge.

If I nail this, I get
a custom-made Fugazi outfit.

But, you know, going back
to the third grade is cool, too.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

Hey, baby, baby, hey.

Oh, you back on that hat thing.

What do you mean "back on that hat thing"?

I just happen to be a man
who occasionally wears a hat

and happens to look very good in it.

Uh-huh, whatever you need
to tell yourself, honey.

[chuckles]
Hey, you want to see something fun?

More fun than you in a hat?

I don't know if my heart can take it.

It's a new app where you can switch
your face with someone else.

Here, check it out.

[phone chirps]

Bam! Swapped!

[both laugh]

[laughs] Are we laughing
at Dad's hats again?

No. [scoffs]

I got a super-cool new app.

See? We switched faces.

You guys do know that app's,
like, as old as Marky, right?

Don't ruin this for us, Sadie.

Ooh, but you're rocking that hat, Mom.
Looks better on you than Dad.

Huh?

This app is dumb.

You ain't wrong, though.

I am rocking this.

Hey, baby, baby, hey.

♪ I'm Sadie's affirmation app ♪

♪ And so no matter what happens,
I got her back ♪

♪ 'Cause, see, my homey Sadie
wished on a star ♪

♪ She said, "I wish you were real"
Now I'm as real as you are ♪

-♪ And now who's coming out the app? ♪
-♪ That girl Lay Lay ♪

-♪ Whose avatar power is to freeze? ♪
-♪ That girl Lay Lay ♪

♪ All day, all day, it's your girl ♪

♪ That girl, that girl, that girl
That girl Lay Lay ♪

[Sadie laughs] You're not gonna
believe my parents.

They just found out
about the Swap-A-Face app.

Are you kidding me? That thing is so over.

Oh, totally.

-You want to do it?
-Obviously.

Ah! You're gonna look so good
with my face.

[phone chirps]

[both laughing]

[both] Look at us.

[mysterious warbling]

Whoa.

Dang, Sadie, what was that?

Wait. Why am I talking to you
but looking at me?

Why am I talking to you but looking at me?

We must've swapped bodies!

[screams]

[glass shatters]

So I'm you, and you're me?

Dang, girl!

Do you think this is an avatar glitch?

Nah, I swap bodies
with people all the time.

Of course this is an avatar glitch!

Oh, no.

What if we're stuck like this forever?

[both scream]

[upbeat music]

How did we swap bodies?

I don't know.

Wait, do you think
I have your avatar powers?

Let's hold our breath
and see who disappears.

[both inhale deeply]

Ha, still got it.

Okay, we got to fix this.

Switch us back.

I said, "Switch us back"!

Hold on, right before we switched bodies,

we both said, "Ha, look at us"
when we were using the app.

Let's try that again.

[both, forced] Ha, look at us.

I'm still you. Why isn't it working?

You have to make your laugh more laughy,
like a cartoon woodpecker.

Girl, my laugh is flawless.

You better check yourself.

Okay, let's think about this.

Well, Swap-A-Face stories go away
after eight hours,

so maybe we just need to chill,
and it'll wear off.

Lay Lay, that's a great idea.

My face is rubbing off on you.

It's that cheap eye-liner you use.

[upbeat music]

[snoring]

Psst! Wake up.

Oh, it's you...oh, it's me!

Oh, this is weird.

Yeah, bad news. We didn't switch back.

Hold up. What do you have me wearing?

That is not acceptable Lay Lay attire.

What are you wearing?

I mean, what do you have me wearing?

I thought we'd wake up in our own bodies,

so I changed while I had the chance
to make sure you look fly.

Wait, this means we're gonna have
to pretend to be each other.

It's never gonna work.

Someone's gonna figure out
you're an avatar from my phone,

and then they're gonna take us
both to a government lab.

Oh, I don't want to be
a prisoner of the state!

[cries]

Sadie, breathe.

We're just gonna have to pretend
to be each other until we figure this out.

How are you gonna be me?

That's easy.

To be you, all I have to do
is be worried about everything.

Yeah, you're right.
To be you will be easy.

I just have to say everything
with extra attitude.

While looking awesome.

That part is really important.

Oh, no, you have to go
to Ms. Santalucia's third-grade class.

Dang it, all I wanted to do
was talk to those kids

and get on the Santalucia wall of fame.

Please, I'll get you
on that little wall of hers.

But you need to bring it
if you're going to the fashion show as me.

The stakes are high.

There's a Sophia Fugazi outfit
on the line.

[scoffs] Relax, I think I know
how to walk and smile at the same time.

But we should probably change our clothes.

If we're gonna pretend to be each other,
we have to at least look like ourselves.

[scoffs] Fine, but, remember,
this could be you all the time.

[upbeat music]

I'm back.

You miss me?

Oh, so you're a hat person now?

No, I'm just a woman
who occasionally wears her husband's hat

and happens to look very good in it.

You're taking my hat and my line?

Hey, when I wear this hat, things happen.

I got me two free coffees
and a marriage proposal.

-Don't worry. I only took the coffees.
-[door closes]

Hey, Sadie.

Hey!

-I love that top.
-Really?

Okay, not my favorite.

Oh, but you're rocking that hat, Mrs...

Mom.

Can we please stop talking about the hat?

-Fine, you want the hat back?
-No, no, no, no, no, no.

You...you keep that.

I'm no longer a hat guy.

My head is cold, and so is my heart.

Well, this just got uncomfortable.

Baby, come on, we can both be hat people.

That's not how it works.
There can only be one!

Wow. He is so extra.

[laughs] I know, but he is not half
as extra as Lay Lay.

[laughs] Have a great day.

[upbeat music]

Sorry to keep you waiting, Tiffany.

Your star is ready to shine.

What is this walk?

It's my model walk. You don't like it?

Lay Lay, this isn't the time for jokes.

You have to get in your first outfit.

Here are the boots.

Whoa.

These could go all the way up to my butt.

[scoffs] I said no jokes.

I have arriven.

[gasps] Sophia Fugazi.

I'm not worthy.

They say no one can top Moschino's
fashion show in the subway station.

I say, ha!

I will have a fashion show
in a public school in Pittsburgh.

Um, ma'am, this is Cleveland.

Po-tay-to, po-Cleveland.

Now, who is closing the show?

That would be Lay Lay.

Oh, that is great.
She loves the spotlight.

I mean, I love the spotlight.

I'm Lay Lay.

Just know that this entire show
hinges on you,

and this show has to be great.

And by great, I mean like nothing
I've ever seen before.

And I've seen it all.

I'm Sophia Fugazi.

[upbeat music]

-[door closes]
-[British accent] Oh, lovely, Sadie!

You're here.

It's time to get started.

If you're as impressive
as I think you will be today,

you could wind up here.

This is the wall of fame?

I'm pretty sure I saw this guy's picture
at the post office.

Are you ready to talk to the students

about what life was like
when you were in third grade?

Fair warning, I have a bit
of a surprise for you later.

Guarantee you it's not
the biggest surprise I've had today.

All right, boys, gals, and super-fun pals,

let's give a warm welcome
to our special guest speaker,

Sadie Alexander.

Do you know your socks don't match?

That looks dumb.

[students laughing]

Our last guest speaker
was a police officer,

and Randall asked so many questions,
the man confessed to a crime.

Anyhoo, good luck.

Hey, y'all, my name's Sadie,

and I'm all about this place.

How old are you? You look .

[students laughing]

[laughs mockingly]

Stay in school, don't do dr*gs. Okay, bye.

Sadie, don't be silly.

Your presentation isn't over yet.

How about Surprise Time?

I bet you remember this.

I bet I don't.

[students laughing]

This is the time capsule

that Sadie buried in third grade.

It's filled with special items

that only she knows the meaning behind.

But now Sadie's going to share
those stories

with us.

Hmm.

[British accent] Jolly good.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

The wow starts now. [snaps fingers]

♪ ♪

What is she doing?

I designed that outfit,
and you're making even me hate it.

Whoa, whoa!

Well, don't just sit there, everyone.

Make sure the dress is okay!
It's a Fugazi!

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

So, Sadie, tell us about the time capsule.

What treasures does it hold?

[chuckles awkwardly]
Oh, uh, this is full of memories,

which I definitely remember.

So let's take one out and talk about it.

This is a...

rock.

Because back then, I really liked rocks.

Don't give me that look.
Y'all like weird stuff, too.

And on the bottom of the rock is...

...some gum.

For real, more you?

What's the point of the rock?

Follow-up question...
what's the point of you?

Let me think about that while I snap
my fingers real quick for no reason.

Aah!

Time's frozen.

-[cell phone ringing]
-Uh-oh.

I had a feeling it was you.

I bet you did, Miss Gum Rock.

Things are going too great
at Too Many Questions Elementary.

[Sadie] She showed you my time capsule?

Sorry I didn't prepare you enough,
but if a problem comes up,

stop trying to be Sadie. Be Lay Lay.

You're the best at being Lay Lay.

Wow. That's weird coming out of your face.

But I hear you.

I've got to stop trying to be you.

I'm the best at being me.

Hey, Sadie, we got this.

I know you've got this,
but I'm not sure about me on the catwalk.

Well, I'm sure. I've seen you strut.

It was to get a corndog at the pier,
but it happened.

You're right.

Hey, can you count to ten
before you unfreeze time?

I got to grab my shoe.

No problem.

That's ten more seconds
where I ain't got to hear Randall's mouth.

Not so smart when you're frozen,
are you, Randall?

[upbeat music resumes]

Don't mess this up for me.

I'm not doing this for you.

I'm doing it for Lay Lay...

...which is who I am.

♪ Get the corndog, get the corndog... ♪

[upbeat music]

So, Sadie, it looks like you've got
everything under control.

So, if you'll excuse me,

I'm going to swing by the teacher's lounge

for my afternoon cry.

Go get your weep on, Ms. S.

Okay, listen up, y'all.

How about we skip the time capsule
and get right to the good stuff, huh?

Truth bombs from Lay Lay...uh, Sadie.

Ugh!

I've got a question.

I know you do. That's why I said "ugh."

You can't talk to me like that.

I'm telling Ms. Santalucia.

Is that how you want to play this?

Believe me, you don't want this smoke.

You ain't gonna go nothing.

Great job, everyone,
with our arts-and-crafts project.

And now a sticker to reward us
for our good work.

[students cheering]

Sadie Alexander,
what is the meaning of this?

That before we untie him,
I'm getting a selfie.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

It's so wrong, it's right.

[cheers and applause]

-[cheers and applause stop]
-This was legendary.

Like me, Sophia Fugazi.

[both squealing]

[upbeat music]

Boom!

That's right, crossword puzzle,

Trish " Across Is Gallipoli" Alexander
just owned you!

Ha ha!

Oh, hey, honey.

Oh, no.

No, no, no, no, no.

Nope. Just no.

Oh. Oh, you noticed my hair.

Noticed? It is visible from space.

Look, Trish, I-I got upset earlier,
but you were right.

You know, there can be two hat people
in this family,

just like there can be
two wig people in this family.

Stay in your lane, Bryson.

Oh, oh. Oh, I don't think I will.

[chuckles]
No, I like life in the wig lane.

I-it's good here with the wind
blowing in my hair.

Okay.

Okay, I get it. You made your point.

Did, uh...did you have something
you, uh, wanted to say?

Baby, I'm sorry.

You love this hat, and I made it mine.

I couldn't help it
because I looked so good,

but...[laughs]

Take that off. I cannot.

That's fair.

[laughs]

Are you serious?

Oh, I've never been more serious.

[sighs] Fine.

I do not have to be
this family's hat person.

It's you, baby. It has always been you.

-[both chuckle]
-You mean that?

Of course I mean that.

You're talking to
Trish "I Mean That" Alexander.

Well, thank you.

You are definitely
this family's wig person.

[Trish laughs]

-Hey, you want this one?
-Absolutely not.

-Come on, you sure?
-No.

-Come on, touch it.
-No, I'm not touching that.

It's really soft, though.
Just give it one touch.

[upbeat music]

Lay Lay...I mean Sadie...
whatever your name is,

look, I've got good news and bad news.

The good news is,
you slayed on the runway,

and Sophia gave you a Fugazi.

What's the bad news?

[grunts] This is the dress.

Well, I, too, have some bad news.

Oh, no, I didn't get on the wall?

Oh, you got on the wall.

It ain't the wall you wanted,
but it's the wall you on.

What are you talking about?

Well, I call it the wall of justice,

but security calls it the wall of people
no longer welcome at the school.

Lay Lay, what did you do?

I tied a kid to a chair.
Apparently that's frowned upon.

So you ruined my reputation
at my elementary school?

Nah, you a legend.

Before they tossed me out,
Ms. Santalucia threw me a party

in the teacher's lounge.

I guess that Randall kid had it coming.

I guess we both realized how hard it is
to be the other person.

You right.

That nerd life isn't as easy as it looks.

Lay Lay, do you think we can try
the Swap-A-Face app for a bit?

I miss my face.

Yeah, your face is great,
but I miss mine, too.

-[phone chirps]
-[both laughing]

[both] Ha ha, look at us!

[mysterious warbling]

Whoa.

-[gasps]
-Did what I hope just happened happen?

I think so. We switched back!

[both squealing]

Sweet James Brown, I'm Lay Lay again.

Ugh, get me out of this thing.

[chuckles] Hey, now that I know
I can rock your style,

what else do you have
in your closet I can wear?

Sadie Penelope Alexander,
stay out of my closet.

-Lay Lay, let it happen.
-No. No.

Now you got to shuffle in them heels.
Ha ha!

I'm from Houston, Texas.

I live in LA
for the That Girl Lay Lay show.

I live in Atlanta for music and dance.

And I live in Houston
for family and friends.

That's where I go when I need

to just relax,

bring me back to reality.

It's a big music scene there.

My biggest show was the Houston Rodeo...

over , people.

-That was insane.
-[cheers and applause]

And that's life with That Girl Lay Lay.

[cheers and applause, person coughs]