("DON'T LET ME BE MISUNDERSTOOD"
BY NINA SIMONE PLAYING)
Baby, you understand me now ♪
If sometimes you see that I'm mad? ♪
Don't you know no one alive
can always be an angel? ♪
When everything goes wrong,
you see some bad ♪
But, oh, I'm just a soul
whose intentions are good ♪
Oh, Lord, please don't
let me be misunderstood ♪
Doo, doo, doo ♪
Oh, oh-oh-oh baby, I'm just human ♪
Don't you know I have
faults like anyone? ♪
Sometimes, I find myself alone ♪
Regretting some little foolish thing ♪
Some simple thing that I've done ♪
'Cause I'm just a soul
whose intentions are good ♪
Oh, Lord, please don't
let me be misunderstood ♪
Doo, doo ♪
Don't let me be misunderstood ♪
I try so hard ♪
So please don't let me
be misunderstood ♪
-
- (SONG FADES OUT)
♪
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
-
- (INSECTS CHIRPING)
(QUIET STREET CHATTER)
(CLOCK TICKING)
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
(LOUDER TICKING)
WOMAN: No, no, no, no, no!
(GARBLED SPEECH, DISTORTED SCREAMING)
- (HIGH-PITCHED TONE)
- (GASP)
- (SCREAM)
- (SPLAT)
CHOIR (SINGING): Glory
be to the Father ♪
- (ORGAN PLAYING)
- And to the Son ♪
-
- And to the Holy Ghost ♪
As it was in the beginning ♪
-
- Is now and ever shall be ♪
World without end ♪
Amen ♪
Amen ♪
As it was in the beginning ♪
Is now and ever shall be ♪
World without end ♪
- Amen ♪
- (CHILDREN CHATTERING)
Amen ♪
Pat, I swear, your voice just
seems to get better and better.
You sure you didn't go to
Juilliard or something?
(LAUGHS)
Well, I did use to have a friend
named Julie when I was a kid,
and we did play in her yard.
(SCATTERED LAUGHS)
Sometimes we would sing
- (LAUGHTER)
- Oh, my God! Patrick Montgomery,
I swear, if there was an Olympic
competition for dorky jokes,
I'd be married to a gold medalist.
Your voice has gotten better.
Well, how about me?
I sing like a swallow.
Oh. No need to get competitive.
- (SOFT LAUGH)
- Life is a competition, don't they say?
Don't you like to say
that, Pastor Jackie?
(LAUGHS) Never. I don't
believe I ever even thought it.
Well, we should all be thinking about it
if we're serious about winning
the church volleyball league.
- ALL: Mm
- And maybe we should consider
opening our doors to
the Congregationalists.
- Ah.
- Don Awrey is 6'5"
- and spikes like a madman.
- He is great.
Well, you know, I dated
a Congregationalist once,
and he insisted on prayin'
before goin' car parking.
- (LAUGHTER)
- No, wait! No, he's Episcopalian!
- (ALL LAUGHING)
- CAROL: Oh. Oh.
What about you, Don?
Are you ever gonna join the team?
- Oh, volleyball's not my thing.
- Mm. Not enough mayhem.
He gravitates towards viciousness.
That's why he went into law.
Didn't you play professional football?
- For the Washington Redskins.
- SHERRY: Yes!
Nah, I tried out,
I didn't make the team.
- BETTY: Oh.
- And it kills him to this day.
I'm gonna go get some potato salad.
- (LAUGHTER)
- I'll race you.
We should really get going
soon because the chart says
that I'm going to reach peak fertility
around 1:00 PM today, so
Oh, right.
- (HEAVY BREATHING)
- BETTY: Little bit slower.
- Little bit slower!
- (BED CREAKING)
(SIGHS)
And be sure to emit as
you propulse forward.
- Evidently, that's helpful.
- Really?
- Here. Try to go deeper.
- I'm going as deep as I can, Betty.
Uh-uh, no, you have been deeper before.
If you can squirt rather
than drip, that helps, too.
But slower.
Deeper!
(GRUNTING)
- And squirt!
- (SNAPS)
- (PIANO PLAYING)
- (SINGING): Hallelujah ♪
Sing a song ♪
Hallelujah ♪
We'll follow along ♪
- (DOORBELL RINGS)
- Oh.
Keep going, honey. You're doing great.
Do I have to sing it?
- Yes.
- (DOORBELL RINGS)
If you wanna keep filling
that sweet little heart
of yours up with joy!
(RESUMES PLAYING)
- Hey, hey, hey!
- Hey, hey, hey!
- Come in!
- All right.
CANDY: And why do I have the pleasure
of a house call from my favorite pastor?
Well
it's not exactly pleasure, I'm afraid.
And I might stop being
your favorite pastor.
- (SOFT PIANO CONTINUES)
- (INDISTINCT SINGING)
What's goin' on?
Bill's gone.
He wants a divorce.
It's been comin' for a long time.
I know that you've been struggling some.
Sweetie, sing louder.
- BOTH: With a simple word ♪
- (PIANO PLAYING LOUDER)
That's good.
You will get through this.
- I will drag you through this.
- (SCOFFS)
- I'm scared. I'll admit it.
- What about?
For starters, how will
I lead the congregation?
You're gonna lead us the
same as you always have.
And being single,
after 23 years of marriage.
I'm not sure I even know
how to put one foot
in front of the other.
So, you just need to look
at this as a new beginning.
A new destiny.
- BETTY: It's not fair.
- ALLAN: It's my job, Betty.
BETTY: The whole point of that new job
was that you wouldn't have to travel.
ALLAN: As much. And I don't.
Well, it's not normal for a
husband and wife to be apart.
- That's all I'm saying. (SIGHS)
- Right,
but we-we're talking
about four days here.
Four critical days
during peak fertility.
Didn't the doctors say that you might
get pregnant easier if you stress less?
- (INSECTS CHIRPING)
- (DOG BARKING)
So it's my fault.
- I didn't say that.
- Of course, you did.
- No, I didn't.
- You did.
And you might consider
that it's your traveling
that's causing my stress.
(DEEP SIGH)
- (CHOIR SINGING, ORGAN PLAYING)
- (SNIFFLES)
ALL (SINGING): Fill us
with the light of day ♪
- (ORGAN STOPS)
- (QUIET CHATTER)
DON: (CLEARS THROAT)
Okay.
So, uh, the thing is,
Jackie, our minister,
she's not just out of town
on church business.
She chose not to be here today.
Because I'm on the church council,
she felt it better that
I break the news first.
Jackie and her husband
Bill are getting a divorce.
(GASPS, MURMURING)
It happens. Get over it.
Pastors are people like everybody else.
I see some of you
squirming in your seats,
like you suddenly got
pine cones up your butts.
Well, I tell you, if you ever did
get a pine cone up your keister,
you'd be squealing like a pig.
And Jackie Ponder would be the
first one runnin' to your aid.
So, let's run to hers.
Not the time to be
high-horse, moral dopes.
♪
Let's just get on with
being good Methodists.
We can start tonight by kicking
some Lutheran butts at volleyball.
(LAUGHTER)
- (APPLAUSE)
- (GAME CHATTER)
CANDY: I got it! (GRUNTS)
- Woo!
- (WHISTLING)
(CHEERING)
- Betty. Hey. Hi.
- Oh!
Thought you'd be playing tonight.
Sitting this one out.
(CHEERING)
Uh-huh.
- Understood.
- (BETTY CHUCKLES)
Yeah. Makes sense.
PLAYER: I got it!
(CHEERING)
- What makes sense?
- What?
- My sitting this game out makes sense.
- Oh!
- Why does it make sense?
- Well, if you are expecting,
it makes sense that you'd
steer clear of any
intense (LAUGHS) physical activity.
What makes you think I'm expecting?
(PLAYERS YELL)
No No, I'm sorry.
Uh, I-I just heard you and
Allan were trying. I
- I-I apologize. I overstepped.
- (WHISTLING)
(BUZZER)
- Betty, I'm really sorry I
- Oh, it's fine. It's fine. It's fine.
- (WHISTLE BLOWS)
- (CHEERING)
You really do have a
wonderful singing voice.
Oh, thank you. Thank you.
(WHISTLING)
(SHOES SQUEAKING)
- Got it, got it, got it!
- Mine.
- (YELPS)
- (CROWD GASPS)
- (GASPS)
- Are you okay?
(LAUGHING) I'm fine. I'm fine.
- Are you sure?
- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
- (SIGHS) Are you okay?
- I'm fine.
- Good. Okay.
- You don't wanna sit for a bit?
No, I'm fine, Allan.
I'm fine, thank you.
- All right.
- Thanks.
- Sorry. I gotta communicate.
- (GIGGLES)
(SIGHS)
- (CROWD CLAPPING)
- (EXHALES)
♪
(SIGHS)
- (CROWD NOISE FADES OUT)
- (ECHOING BREATHING)
What do you mean he smelled like sex?
I mean he smelled like sex.
Are we talkin' about
the same Allan Gore?
(LAUGHS) Oh, yeah. I know.
I know, but how a man looks and smells
can be two totally different things.
And plus (INHALES DEEPLY)
Plus what?
Well, I was kind of
gettin' the sense that he was
likin' the smell of me, too.
Like it could maybe
go in that direction.
What direction?
- I'm not sayin' that I would ever
- Candy!
("AFTERNOON DELIGHT" PLAYING IN BAR)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
It's just this whole
thing with Jackie
Maybe it's just, kind of,
opened up a can.
SHERRY: What can?
The "content is not all
it's cracked up to be" can.
You know, my father,
he used to say to me,
"Candy, if you ain't
growing, you're dying."
And he would also say,
"If you ain't searching
you're lost."
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
Allan Gore?
(CANDY LAUGHING)
I mean, he'd be
"fall-in-love-proof," anyway.
Just take a look at him.
Who could be more
"fall-in-love-proof" than that?
(BOTH LAUGH)
Your future's so unclear now ♪
What's left of your career now? ♪
Can't even get a trade-in ♪
On your smock now ♪
Beauty school dropout ♪
Beauty school dropout! ♪
Hangin' around the corner store ♪
Beauty school dropout ♪
Beauty school dropout! ♪
It's about time you knew the score ♪
Well, they couldn't
teach you anything ♪
(HACKING COUGH)
You think you're such a looker ♪
But no customer would go to you ♪
Unless she was a hooker ♪
(INSTRUMENTAL BREAK)
Baby, don't sweat it ♪
Don't sweat it ♪
You're not cut out to hold a job ♪
Better forget it ♪
Forget it ♪
Who wants their hair done by a slob? ♪
Now, your bangs are curled,
your lashes twirled ♪
(SINGING BECOMES DISTORTED, INDISTINCT)
(SINGING ECHOING)
Gary, would you like to share your poem?
GARY: Okay. Um, it's short.
That's fine. Some of my
favorite poems are short.
Haikus are quite wonderful, in fact.
"On my brand new toilet
I did the same thing."
(THROAT CLEARING)
It's, um, it's about the
folly of materialism.
(UNDERSTANDING MURMURS)
God, I totally get it.
We all think that we can change
our lives with stuff, you know?
I mean, I do it all the time
with shoes or whatever.
If I could just have that or just
get this, things will be different.
Mine's actually got a similar
theme about "wanting."
- Yeah?
- DOBSON: Let's hear it, Candy.
Yeah. Okay.
It's called, "My Heart Asked."
WOMAN: What a lovely title.
(SIGHS)
"My heart asked, 'What's the answer?'
"I said, 'What answer?'
It said, 'You know.'
"I said, 'I don't know.
I give up. What's the answer?'
"And the heart said,
'The answer is don't give up.'"
("MORE THAN A WOMAN" BY
THE BEE-GEES PLAYING)
Oh ♪
Girl, I've known you very well ♪
I've seen you growing every day ♪
I never really looked before ♪
But now, you take my breath away ♪
Suddenly, you're in my life ♪
Part of everything I do ♪
You got me working day and night ♪
Just trying to keep a hold on you ♪
Here in your arms,
I found my paradise ♪
Oh ♪
My only chance for happiness ♪
- (SONG STOPS)
- (LAWNMOWER RUMBLING)
- CHOIR (SINGING): Holy, holy ♪
- (PIANO PLAYING)
Holy ♪
Lord God Almighty ♪
Early in the morning ♪
Our song shall rise to thee ♪
Holy, holy, holy ♪
(LAUGHTER, CHATTER)
- CHOIR MEMBER: Good night, Sherry.
- PAT: See you at home.
- CHOIR MEMBER: Bye, Candy!
- CANDY: See ya.
(SIGHS)
(INSECTS CHIRPING)
(CAR BRAKES SQUEAL)
(CHURCH DOOR SHUTS)
- (FOOTSTEPS APPROACH)
- (KEYS JINGLE)
♪
(CAR ENGINE STARTS)
- (BRAKES CREAK)
- Allan! Hi!
(TURNS OFF ENGINE)
- Hey, Candy.
- Hey.
I want to talk to you sometime about
something that's been
bothering me a little.
- Oh.
- (SOFT LAUGH)
How about right now?
Sure.
(PANTING)
(HEAVY BREATHING)
Well, I've been thinking
about you a lot,
and it-it's really been
bothering me, and I'm not
sure whether I want you to
do anything about it or not.
I'm very attracted to you.
And I'm just tired of thinkin' about it,
so I wanted to tell you that.
Oh.
Okay.
(DOOR OPENS, SLAMS SHUT)
♪
- (ALLAN'S CAR STARTS)
- (SIGHS)
(HEAVY BREATHING)
(HEAVY BREATHING ECHOING)
(BREATHING STOPS)
SHERRY: You seriously got in his car?
CANDY: I did.
SHERRY: And told him you
were thinking about him?
CANDY: I did.
SHERRY: And what did he say?
He said, "Oh. Okay."
- That's it?
- Pretty much.
Are you sure this is
really about Allan Gore
and not about you
wantin' to be reckless?
Maybe a little of both.
But, also men, they
get to go to their jobs
and live in their careers, and
we just stay home, and
God, that's supposed to be enough.
Look at our kids right
now on that jungle gym.
It is human nature to take risks.
To go for somethin' with a little thrill
at the risk of falling.
(CHUCKLING) I mean, look at their faces.
They are more alive than we are.
- (INSECTS CHIRPING OUTSIDE)
- (CLOCK TICKING)
BETTY: It's not appropriate.
- Why?
- Because it's not.
Where did you even
get all of this stuff?
Jenny's mom.
Well, you're gonna have
to pick another costume.
- ALISA: Why?
- I told you, it's not appropriate,
especially for a girl your age.
- ALISA: Dad!
- No, no! Never mind.
I will not have you out on the streets
trick or treating as a trollop.
We will find something better.
This is why I did not want
her seeing that movie!
(DOOR SLAMS)
"Grease"? That's a
family picture, honey.
No, no. It's a bunch of talk
of girls putting out.
- You're judging me.
- (LAUGHS) I am not judging you.
Allan, you do some of your
best commentary with silence.
(SIGHS)
One of the reasons
why I go silent is because
when you get like this,
I don't know what to say.
I don't know what you want me to say.
- (OPENS NEWSPAPER)
- (TV CHATTER FADING IN)
- (FAUCET RUNNING)
- (LAUGHTER, CHATTER ON TV)
The first time I took my wife out,
- I knew she wasn't smart.
- Why's that.
I took her to a drive-in
movie, you know,
and I asked if she wanted to
go in the back seat, you know.
She said she'd rather
use the lady's room!
- (TV LAUGHTER)
- (PAT LAUGHING)
DANGERFIELD: But, I, uh, the day
I got married, that was something.
- Everybody was crying.
- JOHNNY CARSON: Oh.
DANGERFIELD: During the ceremony,
her mother cried, you know?
All the way to the hotel, my wife cried.
And when she got undressed,
I cried, you know?
- (PAT LAUGHING)
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHS)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
CANDY: Did you read my short?
- (MUTES TV)
- Sorry?
My short story from writing class.
I asked if you would read it.
I did. Excellent.
(UNMUTES TV)
Yeah? What was it about?
Uh, it was about swans.
CANDY: Hm
What about swans?
Wow. If I knew there
was gonna be a test,
I would've studied harder.
Then study harder, Pat.
- You have a Ph.D.
- Yep. Not in swans, though.
Yep.
(TV CHATTER CONTINUES)
Let me read it again.
DANGERFIELD: My car, I tell you, Johnny.
CARSON: Bad car, huh?
DANGERFIELD: I got the only car
dogs chase it, they catch it.
(PAT AND TV AUDIENCE LAUGH)
(PAT LAUGHS HARDER)
DANGERFIELD: I told
the graduating class
(CUTS ENGINE)
♪
(QUIET CHATTER)
- (OFFICE CHATTER)
- (TYPEWRITERS CLICK, PHONES RING)
♪
(INAUDIBLE)
(HEART b*ating)
(WHOOSH, HEART b*ating STOPS)
(OFFICE CHATTER FADES IN)
JO ANN: It's not about
repainting or redoing.
We need a new sanctuary.
Well, a church is more
about its parishioners
than its hardscape, Jo Ann.
That may be well and true,
but this church isn't gonna be anything
if we don't grow the congregation.
And for that, we need a new facility.
It's not just that it's old,
Jackie. It's crappy.
Nobody looking for a new house
of worship wants crappy.
JO ANN: It should make a statement.
RICHARD: Especially if we wanna
draw the younger couples.
Well, aren't we supposed
to be the younger couples?
JACKIE: Where's your head, Allan?
I'm sorry? W-What?
Where's your head? You think
we need a new sanctuary?
- ALLAN: Well
- You know, the thing about
religion and life and love is
that there's renewal in it.
And, to me, nothing sells
renewal better than
you know, something new.
(SOFT LAUGH)
RICHARD: I agree.
We need a major building.
JACKIE: So, if we look
at our finances
♪
year-to-date, and we see
(MUFFLED, FADING):
that we are already
(HEART b*ating)
(CROWD CHATTER)
(INTENSE BOUNCING, LOUD SMACK)
(CROWD CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
(ECHOING WHISTLE)
SHERRY: Well, you would
think the teams themselves
would have to clean up,
not the referees,
but I suppose that would just
make too much sense, wouldn't it?
CANDY LAUGHS: Well, are we
still on for coffee tomorrow?
SHERRY: Is the sun
still planning to rise?
Well, I'll call you!
So, is Betty not feeling too good again?
Some headaches and so forth.
Probably stress-related.
You haven't got any
tricks up your sleeve
to relax your bride, Allan?
Oh, Betty's seen all my tricks.
(LAUGHS)
Well, this is me.
You tell her that I hope
she's feeling better,
and, you know, she can always drop
Alisa off if she wants to rest.
- I'll tell her that. Thank you.
- Yeah.
You sure I can trust you two alone?
(BOTH LAUGH WEAKLY)
Well, good night.
- Candy.
- Mm-hmm?
ALLAN: Uh
- Before, in the car
- Mm-hmm.
What exactly was it
that you had in mind?
Get in.
Would you be interested
in having an affair?
It's just something I've
been thinkin' about,
and so I wanted to say it,
so I don't have to think
about it anymore.
- Okay. Well, I got my answer.
- No, no, it's j-just (CHUCKLING) um
I don't think I could.
You know, I love Betty.
And when we were living in
New Mexico, she had an affair.
Betty did?
Well, I can't believe that.
I know. I couldn't believe it either.
It hurt me a lot, and I wouldn't
want to do that to her.
That's fine, Allan.
I love Pat, too, and I wouldn't wanna
do anything to hurt him either.
(SIGHS)
- I like Pat.
- Yeah.
He has the best voice in the choir.
(MUFFLED LAUGH)
- Also, Betty just got pregnant again.
- Really?
Just recently.
So, that would really be unfair to her.
Especially since I don't feel
the same way about you
that I do about her.
So, I probably couldn't
do something like that.
Okay.
I was just putting the option
out there because of how I felt.
But I certainly don't want to
hurt you or your marriage.
All I wanted to do was
go to bed.
But I won't mention it again.
(ALLAN INHALES)
- Good night.
- (OPENS DOOR)
(SHUTS DOOR)
(OPENS CAR DOOR)
CANDY: I feel so humiliated.
SHERRY: It's probably for
the best, sweetheart.
CANDY: Well, I wasn't
looking for what's best.
I was out for something
more transcendent.
And he broached it!
He invited the conversation.
SHERRY: What exactly did he say?
He asked me what I had in mind
when he knew very well
what I had in mind.
And then he climbed into
my car. I mean, come on.
And why did he kiss me?
Right on the lips.
It wasn't exactly passionate.
But it wasn't a brotherly kiss either.
Well, men kiss all the time
when they don't mean it.
CANDY: No, I think he's waitin'
for me to make it happen.
He doesn't wanna hate himself
for being unfaithful to Betty.
So, he's waitin' for me
to make it happen.
Well, he can forget about that.
I played my cards,
and that will be that.
Morning.
(CHILDREN CHATTERING)
("ROCKIN' ZOMBIE" BY
THE CREWNECKS PLAYING)
♪
I got a look at a real zombie! ♪
CANDY: Well, my word in
Heaven, are you a bird?
No, wait. You're a plane, aren't you?
- I'm Superman!
- (GASPS)
You're Superman! You're a man of steel!
And you might be the super-est
one I have ever seen.
- Well, thank you.
- CANDY: Well, you're welcome.
- Hey, honey!
- Hey, Mom.
You're back already, huh?
JENNY: Just to drop off.
I filled my pumpkin.
CANDY: Yes, you did.
JENNY: I'm just gonna go
dump it and come back out.
CANDY: Well, what do you expect to
do with all that candy, young lady?
- I'll trade with Ian.
- (LAUGHS) Okay.
(SIGHING)
- Thanks for walking with them.
- ALLAN: Sure, sure.
Did you see Pat and Ian on your travels?
I did see a pretty scary Elvis.
Yep, that would be Pat.
Him and Elvis, it's kinda
hard to tell them apart.
ALISA: Come on, Dad. Let's go.
- Okay. Bye.
- KIDS: Trick or treat!
Oh, my goodness, look at
you! Buzz, buzz, buzz!
- (KIDS CHATTERING)
- (GASPS) Yeah.
If I could only have a brain!
Look how cute you guys look.
And look at you. Don't sting me!
Oh! The Wicked Witch of the West!
(DOORBELL RINGS)
(SINGING) Happy birthday to you ♪
- Oh, my God.
- (GIGGLES)
- I brought you a confection.
- Yes.
And at the bakery, they said
if we ate it before 10:00 AM,
it won't make our asses fat.
At least not completely.
- Then, shall we? Hurry up!
- Yes, we shall!
Mm.
This is why your people follow you.
- Yeah. I let them eat cake. (LAUGHS)
- Mm-hmm!
So, listen.
Oh, I don't like the sound of that.
Remember I told you about
that other job offer I had
at Midwestern University?
- Which you turned down.
- Yeah, well,
- it turns out I reconsidered.
- What do you mean?
It was pointed out that the bishop
doesn't make offers like this every day.
- But it's in Wichita Falls.
- I'll come back and forth.
(LAUGHS) What do you mean
you'll come back and forth?
It's, like, 200 miles away.
Candy, this is my next calling.
What am I gonna do?
- You're my best friend.
- Well, our friendship won't change.
No, but you won't be here.
- And who's gonna replace you?
- We'll find somebody great.
Somebody who can get
the new sanctuary built.
(WHISPERS): Oh, my God.
You are the only one I have
to talk to here, Jackie.
- That is not true. You have Sherry.
- (SCOFFS)
And y-you're the belle
of the ball at church.
I mean, Sherry is Sherry, but
(SIGHS) honey, you're my heart.
(SIGHS)
- (LIGHTER CLICKS)
- (PHONE RINGING)
(SIGHS)
Hello?
ALLAN (ON PHONE): Candy.
Hi, it's Allan. Allan Gore.
- Oh, hey.
- ALLAN: Hey. Hi. Um
(MUFFLED OFFICE CHATTER)
I have to go to McKinney tomorrow
to get my tires checked and rotated,
and I know it's a drive,
but I was wondering if you might
like to have some lunch with me.
You know, to talk a little more
about what we were
talking about before.
Okay.
Okay, fine.
Well, how's how's 12:00?
- I'll meet you there.
- ALLAN: Okay.
- Meet you there. Bye-bye.
- CANDY: Ok Okay.
- Where were we?
- Who was that?
- It's just somebody.
- Somebody?
Somebody I'm thinkin' about
having an affair with.
You told me that 'cause you
want me to talk you out of it.
Pat and I, we
Well, w-we kind of hit a plateau.
Every marriage hits one of them.
Well, I suppose yours did
and you did nothing about it.
Meaning what? If I'd had an affair,
Bill would still be
taking out my garbage?
I'm talking about my garbage right now,
and not wanting to settle for it.
Sorry, that came out wrong.
Pat is not garbage.
Candy, I got front-door friends
and back-door friends.
Front-door friends show up
when they have a reason.
They knock. They say the right thing.
Back-door friends, they just
bang in through the kitchen door
and drop whatever's on their mind.
You are my best back-door friend,
so I am gonna drop my
mind on your table here.
This will come to no good.
Jackie, I have done all the things
a wife is supposed to do.
The house, the kids, the meals
Where is the payback?
Honey.
This is the payback.
Take it from me. Somebody who lost it.
I can see your mind's made up.
(TRAIN RUMBLING)
(TRAIN HORN)
- (GARAGE CHATTER)
- (BELL RINGING)
- ALLAN: Thanks again, Ronnie.
- RONNIE: You're welcome.
- ALLAN: Don't work too hard.
- RONNIE: All right.
- Hi! You're here.
- (CANDY GIGGLES)
- Hi.
- Hey.
Brought you this little card.
Oh. (LAUGHS)
(LAUGHS) Wow.
- That is so sweet.
- (SOFT LAUGH)
- (LAUGHS)
- There you are.
Thank you.
I just worry, you know?
Jackie is the church,
when you think about it.
ALLAN: I just hope she
doesn't become a stranger.
CANDY: Well, how can she not?
At least a little.
Wichita Falls is a three-hour
drive last I checked.
And, frankly, I don't know how
we're gonna go about replacing her.
And I don't wanna belong to
some stodgy-podgy church.
- No, that would be awful.
- Awful.
Well, should we talk about our kids now?
Or maybe more Pat.
He was a champion
trumpeter in high school.
Did I cover that?
♪
(DINER CHATTER FADES OUT)
I'm sorry. I've never done
anything like this before.
I haven't either.
(LAUGHS)
I would never be able to forgive
myself if Betty ever found out.
That would just be devastating to her.
I feel the same.
We would have to be so careful
that no one would ever know except us.
That's right.
I've been thinking a lot
about what you said about
just wanting to go to bed, not
getting too emotionally involved
- Mm-hmm.
- and so forth.
That would be very important to me.
Me, too, Allan.
God, I just wanna enjoy myself.
Without hurting myself or anyone else.
Well, I think we should
think about it some more.
Think about the hazards
and decide whether or not
we're willing to take the risk.
Fine. Yeah, I think we should.
("BOOGIE OOGIE OOGIE" BY
A TASTE OF HONEY PLAYING)
So, that's the plan then?
Think about it some more?
I think so.
If you're thinking
you're too cool to boogie ♪
Boy oh boy, have I got news for you ♪
Everybody here tonight must boogie ♪
Let me tell ya, you are
no exception to the rule ♪
Get on up, on the floor ♪
'Cause we're gonna
boogie oogie oogie ♪
Till you just can't boogie no more ♪
Oh, boogie ♪
Boogie no more ♪
Listen to the music ♪
(INAUDIBLE)
There's no time to waste ♪
Let's get the show on the road ♪
(CARVING Kn*fe WHIRRING)
Listen to the music,
and let your body flow ♪
Music feeling good ♪
Now, get on up on the floor ♪
'Cause we're gonna
boogie oogie oogie ♪
Till you just can't boogie no more ♪
CANDY (ON PHONE): I'm not sure
how many more of these
strategy sessions I can take.
Yeah, I know. We just W
We just can't be too careful.
You know, if you don't go
to bed with me pretty soon,
y-you'll never be able to live up
to the expectations
I have of you in bed.
(PHONE RINGING)
Yeah, don't think I haven't
thought about that.
(NERVOUS LAUGH)
(SOFT LAUGH)
Maybe just one more planning session.
- We can have it here.
- ALLAN (ON PHONE): At your house?
Yeah, we can meet for lunch.
People need to eat, right?
(FORKS CLANKING)
(CLOCK TICKING)
How was work today?
Oh.
It's pretty good. Kind of the same.
Have you been going
over your list, Allan?
- I'm sorry, what? What
- The list.
The list of potential baby names.
Oh.
- I will.
- You will?
ALLAN: Yeah.
Okay.
If either of us wants it to
end for whatever reason,
- then it ends.
- ALLAN: Agreed.
If either of us get too
emotionally involved,
then it ends.
We should make that rule number one.
Oh, sure. Okay.
Okay And if-if we start taking risks
that shouldn't be taken,
then the affair ends.
And we should always meet out of town.
Agree, agree, agree.
Uh, uh
All expenses, uh, gas,
motel, food, will be shared equally.
We'll meet only on weekdays,
and, um, I'll be in charge of fixing
lunch on the days that we meet,
so that we just have more time.
And I-I'll also be in charge
of-of getting the motel room.
Same reason. It just gives
us more quality time.
Shall we set a date
for the affair to begin?
(INHALES)
Let's go with December 12th.
- December 12th?
- This year.
Great.
- (CLICKS PEN)
- December 12th it is.
- (PAT LAUGHING)
- (TV CHATTER)
FRANK (ON TV): Oh, Margaret,
you don't know what it does to me,
being near you all day in
surgery, only able to touch
(PAT LAUGHING)
(MUSIC ON TV)
(PAT CHUCKLES)
(MARGARET LAUGHS ON TV)
FRANK: You all right?
MARGARET (ON TV): I'm good.
This song gives me goosebumps.
FRANK: I'm the same way
about "Pennsylvania 6-5000."
What are you doin'?
What am I doin'?
You once told me that your favorite
character was Snugglepuss.
(LAUGHS)
Did you not tell me that, Pat?
Snagglepuss.
(LAUGHTER ON TV)
(LAUGHS)
(TV CHATTER)
("YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE
DANCING" BY LEO SAYER PLAYING)
(LAUGHS)
Ah ♪
Aha ♪
Ah ♪
Aha ♪
-
- You've got a cute way of talking ♪
You got the better of me ♪
Just snap your fingers,
and I'm walking ♪
Like a dog hanging on your ♪
CANDY: Hey, angel girl.
(BRAKES SQUEAL)
Come out smarter than you go in.
I will, Mom.
- And no talking to boys.
- You're so silly.
(SONG CONTINUES ON RADIO)
(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)
(BELL ECHOES, FADES AWAY)
(SONG CONTINUES, MUFFLED)
Okay, buddy. Next stop, preschool.
(MUFFLED SINGING)
(SONG BECOMES CLEAR)
You put a spell on me ♪
I'm right where you want me to be ♪
You make me feel like dancing ♪
I wanna dance the night away ♪
You make me feel like dancing ♪
I'm gonna dance the night away ♪
You make me feel like dancing ♪
I feel like dancing, woo! ♪
Dancing, woo! Dance the night away ♪
I feel like dancing, woo!
Dancing, woo! ♪
Ah ♪
Doo-doo-doo-doo, doo doo doo-doo ♪
Doo-doo-doo-doo, doo doo
doo-doo, woo-woo-woo! ♪
Doo-doo-doo-doo, doo doo doo-doo ♪
Doo-doo-doo-doo, doo doo doo-doo ♪
- (SONG FADES OUT)
- (CAR RUMBLING)
("TURN BACK THE PAGES" BY
WANDA JOHNSON PLAYING ON RADIO)
♪
(SINGING ECHOES, DISTORTS)
(SONG FADES OUT)
- (SIGHS)
- (KEYS JINGLE)
(HEAVY BREATHING)
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
- (SIGHS)
- (DOOR CREAKS OPEN)
(SIGHS)
(QUIET OFFICE CHATTER)
(PHONE RINGING)
Hello?
CANDY (ON PHONE):
I'm at the Continental Inn
on the Central Expressway
towards Dallas, room 214.
I will be there in a few minutes.
♪
- (QUIET OFFICE CHATTER)
- (PHONES RINGING)
(DOOR SLAMS)
(CUTLERY CLINKING)
♪
(DEEP SIGH)
(CAR ENGINE STARTS)
(HEAVY BREATHING)
What am I doin'?
(MUFFLED RADIO CHATTER)
RADIO DJ: and show our
boys some red and blue pride.
(PAPER CRINKLING)
time for a couple of calls.
Hello, Darcy. Welcome
to The Dan Ram Show.
DARCY (ON RADIO): Hey, Dan,
thanks for taking my call.
(INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)
(BRAKES SQUEAL)
(SIGHS, INHALES)
(SIGHS)
(SIGHS)
(KNOCKING)
(SIGHS)
(DEEP BREATHING)
I made lunch.
Well, you look beautiful.
Really beautiful.
Thank you. (LAUGHS)
- Well, we should eat.
- Excellent.
Wow.
Looks delicious.
CANDY: Oh. Sorry.
You know, I've probably driven
past this motel a thousand times
- and hardly knew it was here.
- Yeah, it's funny that way.
Life. You know, the
bland and innocuous can
suddenly take on vivid hues and colors.
ALLAN: Hm
I take a creative writing class.
- Well, that was really good.
- (LAUGHS) Thank you.
I would love to read some
of your writing sometime.
Really?
Well, that would make one of
you 'cause Pat has no interest,
and I read all of his stuff
on electromagnetics
Are we talking about Pat now?
No, sorry. We're definitely not.
(SIGHS)
Are you just gonna stand there?
Yes.
(QUIET HEAVY BREATHING)
(NERVOUS SIGH)
(GASPS)
(SOFT MOAN)
(HEAVY BREATHING)
(ALLAN GRUNTS)
ALLAN: Sorry.
Allan, have you never been
French kissed before?
You've never had a woman's
tongue in your mouth?
(SIGHS)
Well, I think you're
gonna quite like it.
(HEAVY BREATHING)
♪
(CHOIR HUMMING)
(HEAVY BREATHING)
(PANTING)
(GASPING)
- (GRUNTING)
- (GASPING)
(GASPING CONTINUES)
(GRUNTING)
(PANTING)
- Are you okay?
- I am.
- So okay.
- (BOTH LAUGH)
- You?
- Oh, yeah.
- (SIGHS)
- Yeah.
That was wonderful, Candy.
(PANTING)
You're wonderful.
Oh, we need to shower.
I probably should have
added that to the list.
Always shower after,
and that way, we won't
smell like each other.
- Yeah.
- Yeah. Oh, and Allan.
(PANTING) Oh, Allan.
(SIGHS) That was wonderful.
(GASPS)
- Oh. Okay.
- (ORGAN PLAYING)
(SIGHS)
Oh, God, our help in ages past ♪
Our hope for years to come ♪
Our shelter from the stormy blast ♪
And our eternal home ♪
Under the shadow of your throne ♪
Your saints have dwelt secure ♪
Sufficient is your arm alone ♪
And our defense is sure ♪
(CRYING)
- (SINGING FADES, ECHOES)
- (HEAVY BREATHING)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
(HYPERVENTILATING)
♪
(JAUNTY PIANO MUSIC PLAYING)