01x22 - On Her Majesty's Sewer Service/9001: A Mario Odyssey

Episode transcripts for the TV series, "The Super Mario Bros. Super Show!". Aired: September 4 – December 1, 1989.*
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Revolves around Mario and Luigi, two Italian-American plumbers from Brooklyn.
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01x22 - On Her Majesty's Sewer Service/9001: A Mario Odyssey

Post by bunniefuu »

Hey Paisanos!

it's the Super Mario
Brother's Super Show!

♪ We're the Mario Brothers,
and plumbing's our game, ♪

♪ we're not like the
others who get all the fame. ♪

♪ If your sink is in trouble
you can call us on the double, ♪

♪ we're faster than the
others you'll be hooked on the ♪

♪ brothers Unh! ♪

♪ H-hooked on the brothers. ♪

♪ Gimme gimme, gimme gimme. ♪

♪ Yo, you're in for a treat,
so hang on to your seat, ♪

♪ get ready for adventure
and remarkable feats. ♪

♪ You'll meet Koopas, the
Troopas the Princess and the ♪

♪ others, hanging with the
plumbers you'll be hooked on ♪

♪ the brothers. ♪

♪ To the brink! ♪

♪ Unh! ♪

♪ Unh! ♪

♪ I say h-h-h-h-hooked
on the brothers! ♪

♪ The brothers! ♪

♪ ♪ The brothers! ♪ ♪

Yo is it about
ready Mr. Einstein?

Call me the Einster please.

I'm ready now.

Good afternoon gentlemen.

I am the Hal
Computer and Pizza Machine.

Hello Hal, how are you today?

I'm quite well Albert.

I assure you, nothing
whatsoever is wrong with my

programming, really.

Ho ho.

Hal, your new owners,
are Mario and Luigi.

Good afternoon
Mario and Luigi.

Yo Al, I feel kind of stupid
talking to a machine you know?

Luigi, I have been programmed
to simulate working with a

real human being.

So Einster, what
about the pizzas?

Don't worry, watch.

Hal, I would like
a pepperoni pizza,

no anchovies or fried eggs.

[laughs]

You have to say that
or it puts them in.

Thank you Albert.

I knew I liked computers.

Yo Al, I mean is there
anything else we need to know?

No, just that the Hal
never makes mistakes that's

all ho ho ho.

If anything comes
up give me a call.

Right bye.

Bye, bye.

Bye.

Well, this pizza's
gonna be gone real quick.

You're right,
watch this: yo Hal,

I'd like a sausage pizza, and
no anchovies or fried eggs.

Thank you for
your order Luigi,

one sausage pizza coming up.

Yo, is science not amazing?

♪ Yo, yo! ♪

♪ It's the Mario Brothers
and plumbing's their game, ♪

♪ found the secret warp zone
while working on the drain, ♪

♪ lend the princess a
hand in the Mushroom Land. ♪

♪ Comin' atcha
with the plumbers, ♪

♪ you'll be hooked
on the brothers! ♪

♪ Noooooow, Evil Koopa and his
Troopas are up to misbehaving, ♪

♪ they kidnapped the princess;
Mushroom Land needs saving. ♪

♪ Abusing and confusing
everybody he discovers, ♪

♪ they can't help but be
hooked on the brothers! ♪

♪ Unh! ♪

Plumber's
log number ,

we'd arrived in Spy Land.

Secret Agent James Blonde.

had just uncovered the latest
evil plot of a master criminal

who called himself Koopfinger.

But Koopfinger
was one step ahead,

and pulled his own turn
you into stone trick.

Hey!

Whoa!

[Mario:]
Sure nice of you Princess to
buy us lunch at this restaurant.

Sorry, Mario, but I
didn't ask you here for lunch.

Terrifying tortellini!

We're faaaaaallin'!

This is the secret entrance
to Super Spy Headquarters.

With James Blonde
turned to stone,

you're the only two
who can stop Koopfinger!

Us?

Yes!

And I'm officially appointing
you to her majesty's Secret

Service!

Welcome to the
Super Spy Laboratory.

I am Secret Agent N.

I see.

Not C, N.

Oh!

Not O, N!

Agent O's on holiday.

Secret Agents Mario and Luigi,
your new Spymobile is ready.

Secret Agents Mario and Luigi,
your new Spymobile is ready.

Yo what Spymobile?

It's just an old
plumber's truck.

Well, that's what it
looks like old bean.

But this baby's packing more
firepower than a battleship.

And that's not all!

You'll be equipped with the
latest in plumbing weaponry:

wrench phone,
expl*sive drain cleaner,

atomic screwdriver.

What's this?

Watch out!

Be careful!

That's a laser drill!

Boy, a guy could have a great
time in a flooded basement

with all this stuff.

[sirens]

What's happening?

It's a red alert!

That's Fort Hard Knocks, where
all of Spy Land's gold coins

are kept.

[Princess:] Look!

Koopfinger's breaking inside!

This must be the terrible
scheme James Blonde tried to

warn us about!

Time for Secret Agents Mario
and Luigi to go into action!

Let's really keep it a
secret that we're agents,

by stayin' here.

Magic potion, do your stuff!

[kaboom]

At last, I've Koopa
conquered Fort Hard Knocks!

There's more gold here,
than in a candy lover's mouth!

Let's bag this booty and blow.

We're approaching
Fort Hard Knocks.

Let's see what the
super Spymobile can do!

Activate the plumber scope.

[Luigi:] Lousiness linguini,
Koopfinger's getting away with

the gold!

Not on your
lasagna loving life!

Activate the plumber-pulsion!

Activate the plumber-pulsion!

This is the crowning
caper of my Koopa career.

[laughs]

Bad news boss.

We're being followed
by a plumber's truck!

Cursed crocodiles!

It's those pepperoni plumbers!

Let's Snifit slaughter 'em!

Yo!

Good thing this windshield's
made of Snifit proof glass!

Fire the plumber missiles!

Rotten reptiles!

I'll ambush 'em
with an Albatoss!

Albatoss comin' in
for a Bob-omb att*ck!

Fire the plumber g*n!

[cawing]

They're still behind us!

That's it!

I'm through trying to reason
with those pesky plumbers.

Koopfinger to Birdo.

Nab those
eggplant eatin' idiots!

[screeching]

Calamitous calzone,
we've been Koopa captured.

It's looks like
we're plumb out of luck.

[Koopa:]
Welcome to my hideout.

Let us go Koopfinger, before
you land in rotten ravioli.

Shut your valve bilge brain!

We're gonna play
a little game.

We're gonna play
a little game.

[clapping and cheering]

Welcome to the
Wheel of Misfortune,

the game of pain,
misery, and t*rture.

I'm your hostess, Vampa White.

[cheering and clapping]

What a slice of cheesecake!

Playing the game is simple.

To decide the
Mario Brothers' fate,

we simply spin the wheel.

Nervous noodles!

I don't think I
like this game.

[gasps]

Congratulations!

You win a trip to
the Tunnel of Doom.

[cheering]

The Tunnel of
Doom, my favourite!

The Tunnel of D-d-doom?

Bon voyage!

Whoaaa!

Wahoo!

What a ride!

I wonder why they
call this place,

the uh, Tunnel of Doom?

I think I just figured it out.

Look!

It's a Goomba att*ck!

Run for it!

Whoa!

Ahhh!

Perilous pizza!

Look!

Piranha Plants!

Jump!

Oh oh ooh oh.

Uh oh!

Look!

Spark on a w*r path.

Sufferin' spumoni!

We're trapped!

Not Secret Agent Mario!

This super spy hose nozzle
and mini plunger oughta do the

trick!

Secret agents away!

Lucky linguini.

I thought we were
dead meatballs!

We're back in
Koopfinger's hideout!

Come on!

Let's turn the tables
on that rancid reptile!

Boss!

We finished counting the gold
coins we stole from Fort Hard

Knocks.

How many are there?

Nine hundred and ninety-nine
zillion trillion billion

million, and one.

Lousy lizards!

Is that all?

We're gonna have to
pull another caper quick.

Super spy surprise!

Drat!

It's those sewer
swimming secret agents!

That's right Koopfinger!

And we're gonna
pump your pipes!

We'll see about that!

Koopa Pack, att*ck!

Ahhhhh!

[growling]

[growling]

Uh oh!

Huh?

Ahhh!

[gasp]

Ahhh!

Ahhh!

You clog clearing clodhoppers
have foiled my plans again!

[Mario:]
Koopfinger, you're kaput!

Then as the old saying goes:
he who Koops and runs away,

lives to Koop another day!

He's escapin'
into a warp zone!

Yo miserable mozzarella,
the Koopa's got away again.

Yes, but he won't be snoopin'
around Spy Land anymore.

Now that Koopfinger's gone,
Agent James Blonde is back in

human form.

Jolly good show Mario chaps.

Ah it was nothin'.

Danger is our business.

I smell food!

Mamma mia!

Lunch!

Look out!

That's no ordinary food!

That's my new spaghetti b*mb!

Mmmm, I just love
food that's spicy!

Yo, Mario, there's
our hamburger pizza.

Hey Hal, I'd also
like a bologna pizza.

Yes Mario.

Sure ain't the kind of bologna
they have at the store.

It's golf pencil
pizza Mario, enjoy it.

Well, there's no
sense in wasting pizza.

Forget it!

Come on what's the
matter with you?

Golf pencil pizza, is
worse than pineapple.

Hal, make us a
bologna pizza please.

Yes Luigi.

Do they make white bologna?

No of course not!

Hal, we did not ask
for nurse shoe pizza.

Sorry fellas, I realize I
have made a few bad pizzas

recently, but I assure you,
nothing is wrong with me.

Well alright.

Then just make us one
simple bologna pizza,

please.

[coughing]

A dog biscuit pizza?

Mmmm.

Would you forget about it?

Hal's goin' nuts.

I'm gonna tell you
one thing Mario,

I'll give this
machine one good sh*t,

if I wasn't
afraid of the tilt.

While we figure out what to
do with the dog bone pizza you

can watch the exciting scenes,
from the next episode of the

Legend of Zelda!

Come on boy, how
much is one and one?

Woof woof woof.

Good dog.

This is the
Triforce of Wisdom Link,

the evil Wizard Ganon has the
Triforce of Power.

[laughter]

Whoever gets both
Triforces will rule this land

forever, you
must help me Link!

Hey for you Zelda?

Anything!

I've got a sinking
feeling about this.

Huh?

Speaking of sinking
feelings--

The castle, it's sinking!

And daddy and
Sprite are in it!

One of the greatest
spells of the ancient wizards,

and now, it's mine!

But where are Link and Zelda!?

Ah, me aim at the Sire,
but me get that instead.

Yipe!

Imbecile!

Ha!

Ahh!

You know what I
like about you Link?

Your delicate touch.

Excuuuuuse me Princess.

It worked didn't it?

[coughing]

It's no use Mario, we're just
gonna have to pull Hal's plug.

Ok I'll keep you covered.

Alright.

I'm sorry Mario, but
I cannot allow that.

Both of you, gaze into my eye.

You're coming under my spell.

Yes Hal, we're
under your spell.

Now I slaved hard to
make those pizzas,

and you're going to eat
each and every one of them.

I forgot something your bill!

Oh Hal!

You've gone nutso!

What are you doing?

[mumbling]

Why won't you answer me?

Albert, my head feels fuzzy,
and I don't even had a head.

Can I sing you a song?

Sure Hal sing me a song.

Daisy, Daisy, give me
your toothbrush too.

I'm all toothbrush give me
your stinkin' toothbrush built

for two.

[talking slows down]

Whoa, what happened?

Did we fall asleep?

I don't know I've got a strong
urge to eat a nurse's shoe.

Guys, I'm terribly
sorry, Hal went ya-ya!

I'm just glad I
got here in time,

or you would've eaten
those horrible pizzas.

What horrible pizza?

Mario!

Would you stop it?

Until next time everybody.

Do the Mario!

♪ Do the Mario! ♪

♪ Swing your arms
from side to side, ♪

♪ come on, it's time to go! ♪

♪ Do the Mario! ♪

♪ Take one step,
and then again. ♪

♪ Let's do the Mario,
all together now! ♪

♪ You've got it! ♪

♪ It's the Mario! ♪

♪ Do the Mario! ♪

♪ Swing your arms
from side to side, ♪

♪ come on, it's time to go! ♪

♪ Do the Mario! ♪

♪ Take one step,
and then again. ♪

♪ Let's do the Mario,
all together now! ♪

♪ Come on now, it's
just like that! ♪
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