05x23 - The Wedding Bride

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Ted (2030): Kids, when you are 20, going out with someone that's great, but reached 30 years, we realize that everyone has baggage. Of course, you can choose to ignore it, but sooner or later...

(Ted saunters along with a woman.)

Woman: That's my ex, sorry. We try to remain friends. Hello, my chick! You have tickets to Maui?

(She carries a bag with writing "in love with her ex.")

(Credits)

Ted (2030): That spring, I began to see Royce. She was beautiful, intelligent...

(Later that night... Ted is with Marshall, Lily, Robin and Barney at MacLaren's.)

Ted: Anyway... We were happy together.

Lily: What...

Ted: That's it. This is the problem.

Barney: Her ass?

Marshall: Big?

Lily: Small?

Robin: This is an access problem?

Ted: There will always be a bag. Even if it goes well, it ends one day by spoiling.

Barney: Once in 30 years.

Ted: When I discover his luggage. I feel it. I do not know what it is, but when I know, it'll be over.

Barney: Please, tell me you repliest not emotional baggage.

Ted: It's a good thing?

Barney: The emotional baggage is the foundation of American cultural export the most important.

All: The p*rn.

Barney: Actually, the p*rn. Only women with major baggage make p*rn.

Ted and Robin: Major Baggage.

Robin: Everyone has one. You should know the face.

Ted: Really? The last time I overcame a background, it was that of a certain Stella, and, damn, I draw a blank. How did it end?

(Flashback)

Ted (2030): This is how. I gave him my request, she said yes.We were happy. And I's wedding day, her ex, karate teacher, Tony Grafanello, showed up, he declared his love, Stella and fled with him, leaving me there, my heart completely broken.

(End flashback)

Lily: What happened is horrible, it does not mean that is the case for everyone.

Marshall: Content that will be encountered young, not to be.

Lily: Issues mother.

Marshall: Not at all.

Ted: From grandmother.

Marshall: Certainly not.

Barney: On the great grandmother.

Marshall: I do not like it myself cuddly.

Robin: And you know your worst baggage? You're too nice.

Marshall: It's not a nice bag?

Robin: You've already looked walking down the street?

Marshall: I know not what to answer.

Robin: I'll help.

(Flashback)

(Marshall is in the street and greet people.)

Marshall: I'll help you. (It helps a man to repair his bike) That should do it. Guys, not today. It would be... (He begins to dance)

(End flashback)

Marshall: It's normal.

Barney: There is a street where it's normal. One clue: a giant yellow bird lives on.

Ted: I would love that one bag of Royce or she is nice.

Barney: Gentile? This is the worst baggage. The best: she hates her father, and she believes to be big, but no. Steamy sex at first date, and have brekky, she left. Why are you with me?

Ted (2030): That night, with Royce, I waited to see what would be his luggage.

(Royce and Ted are in the apartment.)

Royce: Spaghetti is your specialty?

Ted: It does not b*at my pancakes. I'll make once. There are incredible.

Royce: My father made me pancakes complete... Thanks to him, I worked in p*rn. You know? "Parents Offering Recognition, Nutrition and Order"? A charity for teens who do not have access to sport or healthy food. Reminds me... I k*lled my brother... with this joke last night. A barber, a stripper and a pediatric psychiatrist..., walk into a bar.

Ted (2030): I searched and searched, but apparently there was no luggage so I had to worry about, until we go see a movie.

(Marshall and Lily meet Robin at the bar.)

Robin: What took you so, one time!

Marshall: It's nothing. Forget.

Lily: It was on his way and Marshall wanted to stop to help guys to load their van.

Marshall: To be nice. It cost nothing.

Lily: And when the van is gone, which shows up if it is not the owner of the apartment, which had just been robbed help. And that was hard to explain to the police.

Robin: That's what I meant. New York is not a small town, friendly, crime-free, inbred, in the woods, with cows lost in Minnesota, where you've grown.

Marshall: No crime? In 1994, the cashier of the grocery store was robbed. Besides, I like being friendly, okay? I will change not it.

Lily: Do not change, baby. I find it pure. Pure. (Marshall gets up to the counter) Mashed mother of God is a moron sometimes. He lent them money to refuel.

Robin: He gave them money?

Lily: Not given, lent. They said they would send a check, so Marshall gave our address. What prevents them from coming home one night, and maybe tie me? With Marshall, sometimes we pretend for real but it's terrifying.

Robin: Why would you tell her anything?

Lily: What interest? He's from Minnesota. The mascot of his high school, it was a hug. Marshall is back with a beer while Ted joined them in turn.

Robin: What was with Royce?

Ted: Interesting. We went to this new film The Future Bride.

Marshall: Was it good?! Not that I'm interested. This is for girls.But it could take me there, like, 7:10 p.m. at the session tomorrow, 9:40 p.m. where because of my meeting. But I will leave soon, we will try to 7:10 p.m..

Robin: What's the movie about, anyway?

Ted: This is where it's interesting.

(Flashback)

Man: Big sucks, I'm Jed Mosley! I am the architect's most powerful and corrupt New York. I want... (He spills his coffee) It's gonna leave a job!

(End flashback)

Ted: It's about me.

Lily: The Future Bride talking about you?

Marshall: You sure it's you? When I saw The Wild History of space, I would have sworn...

Ted: This is my story. It is written by Tony Grafanello.

Robin: Tony Grafanello? This is...

Ted: With him that Stella is gone. This film tells the story of our breakup.

Robin: Why would he make a film? It's not him, the villain?

Lily: Yes, nice and called Ted Mosby.

Ted: It's funny, it's also my recollection. But according to the film...

(Flashback)

Voices: Mr. Mosley, your fiancee is here.

Jed Mosley: Great, the ball and chain. I look forward to her moving from her home in New Jersey to live in an apartment above a bar. It falls! What do I owe this pleasure?

Stella: We had to go taste the wedding cakes, remember?

Jed: Bluntly not, doll.

(He falls off his chair.)

(End flashback)

Marshall: I'm stunned.

Ted: Right?

Marshall: That's comedies these days? I fall off my chair! I really fell off my chair. It was funny.

Robin: What idiot. He chose a beautiful girl for my role?

Ted: You're not in it.

Robin: What a jerk!

Ted: No, Tony is not stupid. Well, not after the movie.

(Flashback)

Stella: I'm getting married. Sorry, Tony.

Tony: Stella, your happiness is all that matters to me, except his poor children I care volunteer.

Royce: I love it.

Stella: It's not so easy. Jed Mosley is perhaps not as beautiful as you, or as big...

Ted: I'm bigger than him.

Stella: And sex is horrible. Once he fell asleep in the middle.

Ted: Once. I was on medication!

Royce: What?

Ted: Nothing.

(End flashback)

Ted: This movie is really rotten! And everything is wrong!Remember my request? This spontaneous moment in the game room, I had no ring, so I gave him a teddy?

Lily: It was cute.

Marshall: And romantic.

Robin: A little cutesy.

Ted: That's how it was in the movie...

(Flashback)

Jed: If it makes you shut up, I think we can get married.

Stella: You do not give me the ring?

Jed: Bluntly not, doll. You pass it the finger.

(End flashback)

Ted: And the hot date 2 minutes? When I condensed a romantic rendezvous in 2 minutes to go with the busy schedule of Stella?

Lily: You're a good guy.

Marshall: It was really nice.

Robin: And a little cutesy.

Ted: According to the film...

(Flashback)

Stella: And our romantic weekend?

Jed: Bluntly not, doll. Can I suggest a date of 2 minutes, if you know what I mean. Naked!

(End flashback)

Marshall: If you know what you do, 2 minutes.

Lily: Word expert.

Ted: But the worst... the worst... it was the end. They are to marry...

(Flashback)

Priest: Do you, Stella, take Jed Mosley as legitimate spouses?

(End flashback)

Marshall: Tell not the end! This is what I would say, if ever, I wanted to see a movie as bad. Continues.

Ted: So they are to marry...

(Flashback)

Tony: Stella!

Stella: Tony!

Jed: Tony?

Tony: I must say something. Long ago, I left this beautiful daughter, Stella, to escape. And now she is with this jerk who does not appreciate the true value of this beautiful bride.

Ted: What is your problem?

Jed: You can not talk to me like that! I'm Ted Mosley!

Ted: He said "Ted", right?

Tony: Stella, I promised you'd be my wife. And I would keep that promise.

Stella: Everything I wanted in my life was your love.

Priest: Go ahead, darling, kiss him.

Tony: If you still love me... Would you be my bride?

Stella: Bluntly, doll.

(She kisses him.)

Jed: Stop! Dad!

Children: Take that, Ted Mosby!

Ted: Okay, he really said this time around.

Royce: It was too much. I laugh, I cry. This is cinema, but it would not tell real people? It was so real! Why did you say "Oh, no" early in the film?

Ted (2030): This is where I realized that everyone has baggage, including me.

Ted: Nothing.

(End flashback)

Lily: You must tell your story with Stella Royce. It will be released at one time or another.

Ted: Why? So why should it?

Robin: Because it is past the fifth most profitable films.

Ted: I do not care. I will take it to my grave. It's a silly movie anyway!

Lily: He looks like zero.

Robin: I'll never see him out of friendship for you.

Ted (2030): Children, you see more.

(Barney, Lily and Robin are the movies.)

Tony: She made her choice. Do not worry. I will not come to marriage.

Jed: You'll come! I'll take you there myself and force you to watch!

Tony: The code.

Barney: That's exactly what happened. It was all good. Even the thing with nunchakus.

Ted (2030): I was determined to make this film as far from me as possible. Unfortunately...

(Ted, Royce are the bar with friends.)

Royce: It was not great the bride?

Woman: I too loved it!

Man: We'll see tomorrow.

Royce: It may come? Want to see it again?

Ted: Yeah, that was good.

Royce: "Good"? Rather perfect! The only thing, and for me it is a very small defect, compared to other films, is that I understand why Stella wants to marry a guy like Jed Mosley. Just the name of this guy: Jed Mosley...

Woman: Royce, you're out with Jed Mosley, too.

Royce: Who has not? It is a sacred number. A butterfly tattoo, how to pronounce this encyclopedia.

Man and woman: "Encyclopaedie".

Ted: Bluntly. Well, technically, this is the correct pronunciation.

Royce: I was so happy that this loser is done let go before the altar. You know why? Because he saw it coming. And the best part is that he will live a long, sad life, knowing he has lost his only chance of happiness. And when he gets beaten up by the goat?

Woman: Too funny!

Ted: Bluntly!

Royce: What a loser!

Ted: Bluntly! This guy's life was ruined by humiliation before the world. Too funny! It will take years before you can watch his family in front. It must be so traumatized that never again will he love or trust someone. It was insane! Get Moving, Adolf h*tler, a new king has arrived!

Royce: Ted, you're okay?

Ted: I thought you would be interested to learn some stuff about this movie that you love. It is rotten. And you are all stupid to love.

Royce: It was really bad, you should apologize.

Ted stood up: Bluntly not Carrément doll... not...

(Marshall, Lily, Robin and Ted are in the apartment.)

Lily: You said "not altogether, doll?"

Marshall: You really used the phrase Jed Mosley?

Ted: I know! I was so excited... How do you know it's his sentence?

Marshall: I wanted to see Avatar.

Ted: It's good. I will emigrate to a country where nobody saw the bride.

Robin: Good luck. This film is international, it's great.

Lily: Maybe North Korea?

Robin: I read that Kim Jong, he says it's his second favorite movie. Just after he made a film where the horse in slow motion.

Lily: Sorry, Ted, you're screwed.

Marshall: No, you know, Ted is not screwed. You know why I'm nice? Because I'm crazy baggage people. Most people see another person with this big suitcase, and they spend doing nothing. But not me. I look at them and say, "Hi, stranger. Can I help you? "And you know who taught me to be like that? A Ted Mosby. A decent and sincere guy who has faith. And you know what, Ted? Inside you, you're still that guy.

Ted: I still am.

Marshall: You wanna go get that girl.

Ted: I want to go get that girl.

Marshall: For it is the love of your life.

Ted: Because it is... Yeah, well... We had 3 rencards. It's nice.

Marshall: Because she's nice.

Ted: It's really nice! You're right, Marshall. I have to go retrieve it.And I know exactly where it is.

(He runs out.)

(Royce is the cinema.)

Tony: The wedding is in 15 minutes. I'll never make it.

Child: You can do Sensei. Give a roundhouse kick to love. Live in the heart.

Tony: You're right. What am I doing? There is still time!

(Tony Short and Ted does the same when it comes to the movies.)

Priest: Do you, Stella, take Jed Mosley as legitimate spouses?

(Ted stands in front of the screen.)

Ted: Royce!

Royce: Ted?

Barney: Ted?

Ted: Barney?

Tony: I must say something.

Ted: I must say something. Long ago, I left that horrible daughter, Stella, break my heart. And now she is with this jerk who wrote a movie about it and this movie is called... The Future Bride.

Royce: What do you mean?

Jed: You can not talk to me like that!

Ted: I'm Jed Mosley. But Royce, missed it... in that cowboy boots red, it's not me.

Barney: To be clear, you're saying that you do not have boots red cowboy?

Ted: What...

Barney: I wanted... People want to know.

Ted: They are burgundy in fact. I promised I'd make pancakes.And... I would keep that promise.

Royce: All I wanted was some pancakes this week.

Barney: Come on, darling, kiss him.

Ted (2030): Barney did not say "kiss". Still not "kiss".

Man: You must go!

Barney: This is outrageous. Thou hast embraced evil!

Ted: Royce, if you...

(Tony Stella, if you still love me...)

Ted: Do I always appreciate... Would you like me to make pancakes?

Royce: Bluntly, doll.

(She gets up and goes to kiss her.)

Barney: Kiss it! This film is embraced anyway.

Ted: That happened to me, it was pretty hard. I am not fully recovered.

Royce: Let me help you.

Ted (2030): And like that, kids, my luggage no longer seemed so heavy. Everyone has his baggage, it's part of life. But like everything else, it's easier when someone helps us.

(Ted Royce and are sitting on the couch.)

Ted: It feels good to have you said those things. I'm happy to open myself to you.

Royce: It's not that important. Me too, I was let go before the altar. Three times. The last time, because I lost all our money at poker. That's why I live with my brother.

Ted: Wait, I thought you had a very small studio.

Royce: Just the two of us. You'll see, he still pulls the duvet.

Ted: Yeah, you need to go there.

(END)