03x18 - Inlaws and Outlaws
Posted: 06/23/23 17:07
[instrumental music]
I don't belong in this family.
What? Why not?
I just don't fit.
Oh, we all feel that way
sometimes, Nicholas.
You know, the more
I think about it
the more I think I was adopted.
- Adopted?
- No, you weren't, Nicholas.
I remember the day you were
born into this family.
Yeah, and dad took us
all down to the hospital
so we could stand around
and gawk at you.
Boy, were you wrinkled.
Wrinkled?
Nah, I was never wrinkled.
Oh, yes, you were. We saw you.
Well, then how do you know
it was really me?
'Cause the nurse
said it was you.
Well, maybe the nurse
made a mistake.
Maybe she pointed out
to the wrong baby
and I really belonged
in some other family
where I am the oldest.
- Hey, Nicholas.
- Yeah?
(Tommy)
'Hey, maybe you're right.'
'I mean, maybe the hospital
did make a mistake'
and they did switch babies
and you're not really
Nicholas Bradford
you're just some other girl.
Girl?
Well, sure, I mean,
if you're not who you are
then there's a - chance
that you're just a girl.
Forget everything I just said!
[instrumental music]
[theme song]
♪ There's a magic ♪
♪ In the early morning
we've found ♪
♪ When the sunrise smiles ♪
♪ On everything around ♪
♪ It's a portrait
of the happiness ♪
♪ That we feel and always will ♪
♪ For eight is enough ♪
♪ To fill our lives with love ♪
♪ Oh we spend our days ♪
♪ Like bright
and shiny new dimes ♪
♪ If we're ever puzzled ♪
♪ By the changing times ♪
♪ There's a plate
of homemade wishes ♪
♪ On the kitchen windowsill ♪
♪ And eight is enough ♪
♪ To fill our lives with love ♪♪
♪ La da-da dum da-da dum ♪
♪ Ta-dum ♪
♪ Ta ra-ra rum
da-da da dum ♪
♪ La da-da da da dum ♪♪
Tom, I'm so glad you're home!
Come in, sit down, relax.
Look, I made a little
tea party for us.
Isn't that nice?
Oh-oh, this means you're
gonna tell me something
that I can't handle standing up.
- You're being paranoid.
- No, it's just experience.
What is it, emergency
orthodontia or a crumpled fender
or did Nicholas elope?
None of the above.
My mother's coming
to visit tomorrow!
Oh, I'd rather have
Nicholas elope.
Uh, didn't we just get through
visiting with your parents?
It was Thanksgiving.
Oh, that's right.
Now I remember.
I was thankful when they left.
'Well, you'll be pleased
to know it's not they.'
My father is not coming.
Oh, well, in that ca..
You should have given me
that for openers.
You should have said,
"Tom, guess what?
My father isn't going
to visit us!"
That would've made my day!
You know, I can't figure out
how he let her leave
Pasadena without him.
It's their first
separate vacation
in years of marriage.
Wow, I admire her stamina.
I need a vacation from
your father after seconds.
You really shouldn't be
so hard on him, you know.
You are a potential
father-in-law eight times over.
Me, a father-in-law?
An in-law? Never.
You know, why did Nancy
have to take an apartment?
It's times like this
I really miss her.
Why Nancy? I mean,
what about Joannie and Susan?
Not in times like this.
See, Joannie and Susan
slice carrots
just the same way you do.
And Nancy doesn't?
Well, she slices them
the long way
so you can use the carrot
to put salad on your fork.
Is that some kinda hint?
Well, it is
if we're havin' salad.
Mother won't be here long enough
to spoil your routine.
Is that a guarantee?
(Abby)
'Well,
it's practically ironclad.'
'You see, I'm sure
the first day she's here'
dad's gonna call
and have her fly right back home
because not having her there
is gonna spoil his routine
too much, see?
- Okay, you sold me.
- Aw!
I guess you do deserve a little
mother-daughter visit, alright?
You are so good to me.
She really does, dad
and now, at least, we have
a room for Grandma Katherine.
What room?
Oh, well, Nicholas,
see, I was thinking
that Grandma Katherine
could move into
Joannie and Susan's old room,
and that, uh..
...Tommy could move back
in with you, is that okay?
Good idea!
No matter what Tommy says
I still think he's afraid
to sleep alone.
Tommy is afraid to sleep alone?
No, dad, Nicholas is
scared to sleep alone.
And Tommy's gonna hate the idea
of giving up his new room.
Oh, not if his father
talked him into it.
Huh? Why me?
Well, because I just had
to face your grumbling
so now you can face
Tommy's grumbling!
(Joannie)
'Oh, boy, David,
now we owe you for, uh'
two quarts of milk,
and for four dozen eggs
and three loaves of that
sprouted leaf bread.
- Forget it.
- No, no, no, David.
Now, we're gonna pay you
back on Nancy's payday
plus, five eggs interest.
You don't have to do that!
Yeah, we do have to do that.
David, you remember how you felt
about accepting charity
and everything
when you got your first place?
Yeah, I remember.
And in that case, your
interest will be seven eggs.
Ah! David, that's usury.
No, that's reflect
for your independence.
Tell me, David,
how long does it take
till independence
comes without hunger?
Uh, don't you think you're
exaggerating a little, Susan?
It's not hunger
it's just, uh...shaky nutrition.
Oh, I know what
you're goin' through.
My first two months in my own
apartment, I lost six pounds.
Yeah, but at least
you don't have to stand
in line for your own bathrobe.
- Yeah.
- Well, face it, girls.
I didn't try to
gain my independence
with two sisters along,
and I didn't have to support
three people
on one and two thirds job.
Oh, David,
don't get the wrong idea.
We're not complaining. It's..
We're gonna get organized.
Hey, and listen,
if you're talking to dad
we already are organized, and
you've never seen us so happy.
Exactly. Tell him that he can
really be proud of us.
Please?
[motorbike engine revving]
Hey! This thing's busted!
No, Tommy,
we were here too long.
Just like the Meter Molly said.
- Whose side are you on anyway?
- Mine!
I'm tired of getting a ticket
every time I ride with you.
- Oh, what about your tickets?
- What about 'em?
You've got this month,
and I only got two.
Yeah, if my van was running, you
wouldn't know how many I had.
- I think dad's car's a jinx!
- Yeah.
Hey, do you think
we ought to tell them
the bad news together
or separate?
Oh, together, and wait
till he owes us something.
That way, we can negotiate.
Well, he better
owe us something quick
'cause at this rate
we're gonna need a wheelbarrow
to carry in our tickets, and two
stretchers to carry us out.
Hurray, Nancy, that is..
- Alright, hurray!
- That's terrific!
This calls for a toast.
Milk all around.
H-h-h-hey,
wait a minute there, David.
Rather, you're being awfully
generous with our milk.
This is a celebration
and ten minutes minutes ago,
it was my milk.
O-o-okay, but we'll count your
glasses as part of the payback.
- Cheapskates.
- Survivor.
(Nancy)
Oh, forget it, Susan.
Once I get my new job,
we'll throw away the budget
then we'll have guests
every night!
Hey, when do you start, Nancy?
Well, they haven't said,
but I figure
I'll find out at the interview.
The interview?
You mean it's not a firm offer?
No, but you guys know
how great I am
at getting the jobs I go after,
right?
True, true.
No one has more experience
at job interviews than you.
David, I knew you had
confidence in me.
That's why I figured
you'd lend me your truck?
It's not a truck, and it's not
available for job interviews.
Well then, how am I gonna get
clear across Sacramento
during my lunch hour?
Well, you could ask dad
to use the station wagon.
- Yeah.
- Are you kidding?
He won't approve of my
changing jobs again!
Uh, you just have to pick
the right way to ask him, Nance.
Yeah...use a little strategy.
[clears throat]
No, no, wait, wait, wait.
Everybody just stay where you
are, your father has something
of great importance
to discuss with Tommy.
Huh? Oh.
That.. Well.. You, uh..
I-I was waiting for
the proper moment, you know.
Um, dad, Tommy had two desserts.
I don't think you're gonna
find a righter moment.
Uh, dad, Elizabeth and I thought
we'd stand together on this.
I think I just decided
to stand separately.
Coward.
Will someone please tell me
what we're talkin' about?
It's not easy to find out
seeing as how your father
keeps avoiding the issue!
No, I'm not avoiding the issue.
Well then, bite the b*llet
and break the bad news!
Um, bad news for one
should be bad news for all.
(Tom)
'Well, that's right, Tommy.'
I knew you would be upset,
you know
so I, I wanted to handle
this more delicately
but, uh...alright,
here it goes.
[clearing throat]
Uh, guess what?
Abby's mother
is coming to visit us
'and, uh, we want her
to stay in your room.'
My room?
Yes, but Abby guarantees
it'll just be for one night.
'May-maybe two nights,
right, Abby?'
Good idea! And you
won't have to sleep alone!
Oh, sure, dad. It's my pleasure.
- You're smiling!
- Oh, it's because I wanna help.
Elizabeth, dishes.
[clearing throat]
- Amazing.
- Maybe he's growing up.
Maybe he is afraid
to sleep alone.
I told you. Poor little shrimp.
Dad is about to
owe me a favor, Elizabeth
and I'm gonna remember
that you finked out.
Well, you would too,
if you'd seen this.
- Look.
- What is it?
It's a notice dad got as legal
owner of the station wagon.
Fortunately, I intercepted it.
Dad owes $
in parking tickets?
Yeah, and I wasn't in the mood
for $ worth of yelling.
Or somebody else
must be getting tickets
on the station wagon besides us.
- Who?
- Who cares?
Alls I know is that
dad is gonna yell at least
to the people he owes
the most favors to.
From now on, Elizabeth,
it's every Bradford for himself.
[instrumental music]
- Oh, Grandma Katherine!
- Uh!
How nice to see you! How was
your flight in from Pasadena?
- Oh, here, let me take this.
- Thanks, honey.
Yeah, oh, you'll be
staying in my room.
When I heard you were coming,
I just said, "Take it, please!"
Anything to help!
Mom, I bought you
your favorite tea
and those little cookies
that you break your diet for.
That's sweet of you, dear,
but I think..
...I think what I really need
is a nap.
You know how flying tires me.
Yeah, b..
You've always thrived on flyin'.
Oh, I'll-I'll
feel fine by dinner.
Uh...don't worry.
'You know, mom?'
I have half a mind
to call dad
to see how long you've
been lookin' so tired.
Oh, no, Abby.
Uh, your father's business
trip was very indefinite
I have no idea where he is.
And even if I did, there's
no reason to worry. Believe me.
Tommy,
would you show me to my room?
Oh, my pleasure, yeah.
[instrumental music]
All afternoon? You haven't
seen Katherine all afternoon?
She asked me not to disturb her
and she locked the door.
Oh. Well, this is your house.
I mean,
if you're really concerned
you can unlock the door.
Oh, sure.
She's my mother.
Every time I think
of disobeying her
I feel like
a six-year-old kid.
I know the feeling,
but this house is already
well-stocked with children.
If your mother is really ill
we've gotta start making
some grown-up decisions.
Oh, I don't think she's ill,
exactly, I'm..
Well, then what?
Well, maybe she's,
maybe she's just disturbed
about bein' away from my father,
uh, I don't know.
We can't have
any more guesswork.
Why don't you go up
tell your mother to come down,
say hello to me
'we'll have a little
chat before dinner?'
You'll be nice?
Well, you'll have to settle
for...totally charming.
[instrumental music]
[knocking]
- Mother?
- Yes, dear.
- Did you get your nap?
- My nap?
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh.
Yes. Yes, I suppose I did.
Um, Tom's downstairs,
and I was wondering if
maybe you'd like to come down
and say hello?
Would you just
hate me if I didn't?
No, mom.
Um, of course
I wouldn't hate you.
You could just, uh, wait
and come down at dinner.
I'm not really hungry. I'll just
see everybody at breakfast.
Mom, are you alright?
That airport was so draughty
I think maybe
I-I caught a little cold
and I'll just sleep it off.
Now don't worry.
Mother..
There's no need
to get upset, Abby.
No need at all.
Yes, mother.
Daddy, your message is
finally getting through to me.
I don't think I am ready
for a better-paying job.
[sighing]
You finally convinced me.
I'm an adequate.
Oh, no, no. I never intended
to destroy your self-confidence.
Uh, that's alright, daddy.
I can be content
with my humble lot.
No Bradford is content
with humble.
Well, I have to be, dad.
You see, I couldn't
get to the interview
even if I felt up to it.
I don't have a car.
Oh, please,
don't worry about that.
I'll work out
the transportation.
You just start feeling
good about yourself, and..
...y-you're a very
talented girl, Nancy.
Yeah, you're the best carrot
slicer in all Sacramento!
You guys! You guys!
It worked! It worked!
I got the station wagon
for the interview.
Aren't you gonna
congratulate me?
Nope, you should
congratulate us.
What for?
For not throwing hysterical fits
and not sh**ting the landlady.
[chuckles]
Why would I wanna
congratulate you for that stuff?
Because we consider doing both
of those things very carefully.
Rent's been raised,
starting the first.
- Oh, no! How much?
- $.
- Well, that's impossible.
- That's right.
Eighty impossible dollars.
[sighing]
Gonna lose the apartment.
[sighs]
[mumbling]
See, that's . Forget it.
I'll quit school and get
a full-time job.
- Oh, no, you won't.
- You did it.
That's because I didn't
have a dropout sister
who could tell me what
I was getting myself into
and who would pull my hair out,
even if I considered it.
Oh, boy.
Well, we could get a new
roommate, share expenses.
Oh, no, she'd have
to share the bathroom
and she'd mess up
our private date nights.
Yeah, and where would she sleep?
In the kitchen,
or in the closet?
Well, you guys tell me where
we're gonna get another $.
- My expeditor's job.
- If you get it.
I'll get it, I'll get it!
I hope so.
I don't know.
It just bothers me, Nancy
that the two of us are depending
on you havin' a full-time job
just to keep the apartment.
Doesn't seem fair.
Yeah, I'd sure feel
a whole lot better
if I was working full-time
at the daycare center.
Oh, yeah, or I was
full-time at the theatre.
Don't worry, guys.
It will all work out.
- I mean, uh, you can help me.
- How?
Well, for one thing. You can
tell me what an expeditor does?
[laughing]
You don't know
what an expeditor..
[laughing continues]
- 'Hi.'
- 'Hi.'
(Tom)
Is your mother coming
down for breakfast?
N-no,
I-I'll take her a tray.
Are you playing
a trick on me or something?
Your mother arrived
yesterday afternoon.
I still haven't seen her.
Actually, this is the
nicest visit we've ever had.
Don't make fun.
She really worries me.
Oh, I'm sorry, do you
think that I should, uh
call Dr. Max and see if he can
squeeze her in for a check-up?
I don't know what to think.
I just wish I could talk to dad.
- Well, I'm sure he'll call.
- I'm sure he will.
W-what do you think?
Do you like this one
or this one?
This one.
Oh...yeah.
- That's what I thought.
- Mm-hmm.
Joannie, you said that picking
you up wasn't out of my way.
I'm sorry,
I thought you said
your interview was
on East Broadway.
Well, you're just gonna have to
come with me until it's over.
Oh, but they're expecting
me at :!
Joannie, what is more important?
Your costume fitting or
us keeping the apartment?
I know, it's.. Uh-oh.
(Nancy)
'Oh, I don't believe it.'
Oh, Nancy, you shouldn't
have parked it in a red zone.
Every time I take dad's car out,
I get a ticket.
Yeah. Face it, Nance.
Dad's station wagon's a jinx.
I got a few myself.
- What'd you tell him?
- I didn't.
Me neither.
I figured, why worry him?
Yeah, right.
Why worry him?
Hey, guys. How'd it..
Mm...hey, uh, Nance, it's okay.
There's plenty of other
new jobs you can get.
Yeah. What about old jobs?
Well, what about 'em?
Well, a parking ticket
made Nancy late
for gettin' to her
new job interview
and my costume fitting
made her late
getting back
to her old job, so..
So they fired me.
- They can't do that.
- Oh, can't they.
Or how can we live?
Oh..
- I was sleeping with what?
- Sowbugs.
Why didn't you say
somethin' last night?
Well, I forgot that's where
I spilled my collection.
Whoa, well, I'd be glad to get
back in my own private room.
- Really?
- Really.
You know, I was kinda hoping
you'd remember
how nice it was when..
When what?
When you didn't have
to sleep alone.
I know how much you hate it.
Come on, Nicholas.
You might as well admit it.
You're the one
that hates to sleep alone.
- You mean people know that?
- Sure, the whole family knows.
Boy, what a shock.
- 'You'll get over it.'
- Yeah, I guess so.
Tommy, I think
I'd get over it more, though
if you didn't have to move out
when Grandma Katherine
went home.
You wanna sleep with somebody?
Here. Sleep with your friends.
Let's face it, you guys.
We are just going to have
to find a smaller apartment.
What? You mean
sleep three to a bedroom?
Oh, no way.
It was better at home.
- What?
- Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Forget that I said that.
Uh, erase that
from your consciousness
...cancel.
No, Susan, really,
I'm glad you said that.
I mean,
it was better at home.
And maybe
we ought to think about
moving back
with dad and Abby.
Nancy, what are you saying?
That kinda talk is
subversive and defeatist.
Really, do you want a four
hour lecture from Tom Bradford
on "I told you so?"
Look, I prefer a four hour
lecture to, uh, eviction notice.
Come on, you guys, let's be
mature adults about this.
Number one, we could
barely pay for the old rent.
'Two, we couldn't afford
the new rent'
even when I was employed.
And three, well, we don't
have any privacy around here.
I mean, not really.
'And four, well, we're over
there all the time anyway.'
And five,
I kinda miss the family.
Well, I do.
[chuckles]
Yeah, I guess
I do kinda...miss Nicholas.
Me too, especially,
when he is hassling Tommy.
[all giggling]
Oh, remember how
Mary and I used to have all this
long talks
in the middle of the night?
- Well, I miss everybody.
- Well, okay.
Okay, it's just that I hate
to crawl back home
with our tail between our legs.
Yeah. What if they
wouldn't take us?
Oh, come on, Joannie,
they'll take us.
Won't be so sure.
Eh, wait a minute, you guys.
What if dad takes
advantage of our position
and decides to enforce
some intolerable conditions
like date control, curfew.
Susan's right, I mean,
If we go, if...we go back.
- Yeah.
- We can't go back begging.
Definitely.
You mean,
you guys might consider?
Well, only as
a highly improbable possibility
that we could casually explore.
Yeah, just to cover
our bases, you know
fill dad out, and check it out.
It's the last
desperate measure.
- Right.
- Right.
Right.
Tomorrow?
Well, what about tonight?
[whistling]
♪ Too doo-doo ♪
♪ Too doo-doo ♪
♪ Da-da dum ♪
♪ Da da dum ♪
♪ Dum.. ♪♪
- Hi, Mary.
- Hold it!
'This laundry room
is occupied, okay?'
You guys have been
in here so much
that this is the first chance
at the washer
I've had in six,
count 'em, six days.
- Okay, okay relax, Mary, we--
- We just came to talk to dad.
- Yeah.
- Oh.
Hi, finance.
Hi, dad, you finance a loan?
No, Mary,
it's not that at all.
No, It's nothing like that,
Mary, we are totally against
subsidies and charity.
David was against them too.
And four loans.
Oh, boy.
Uh, Mary, if you
don't stop putting us down
we just might forget it,
you know.
- Yeah.
- Really.
I wasn't putting you down,
Susan, and forget what?
Well. Uh..
Well, Mary,
we've been thinking, ahem, um..
You know, it's probably
kinda cruel of us to, uh
be deserting dad
in his time of need.
- Oh.
- Yeah, yeah, Mary.
Middle age
is a real crisis, you know
and, uh, a person going
through it, like dad is
well, he needs to be supported
and-and surrounded
by the people
that he loves, you know.
And what brought about
this sudden concern
for dad's welfare, besides
your empty refrigerator?
Our refrigerator had nothing
to do with it, Mary.
- Oh.
- 'Absolutely not.'
Living on our own
has just made us more mature
and aware of
our family responsibilities.
Exactly. Exactly, Susan,
I couldn't have put it better.
Okay, Susan,
I think I understand
what you guys
are driving at.
Terrific. How do you think
dad will take it?
I know he misses you guys
an awful lot.
So, if I were you, I'd tell him
exactly what you just told me.
Oh, good.
'Good. We will.'
- Where is he?
- Upstairs.
Upstairs.
Oh, Tom, I so hate
to impose this, but..
Oh, Katherine,
you're never imposing.
Abby's house is your house.
You know that.
Do you really mean that?
Oh, mom,
of course he means that.
You belong here,
you could never impose.
Would you please
tell me what's wrong?
It's so hard to say.
I'm going to need
all your warm welcome..
...and your understanding.
I've left your father.
I've decided,
to get a divorce.
Oh, mama.
Oh, dad, there you are?
Oh, hello, girls.
I didn't even realize
you were here.
I was just gonna get
Abby some coffee.
Um, could we
talk to you a minute, dad?
Yeah, dad, we've been
real concerned about you lately
and, uh, we have a suggestion
that we think
will make your life
a whole lot happier.
Really? That's good.
I could use your help.
- You really could?
- Yeah.
Abby is upstairs
in her room crying
and her mother is in
your old room. She's crying.
Tell you, the whole second floor
is a real disaster area.
Why, dad, what happened?
Well, I guess,
I might as well tell you.
Abby's mother and father
are getting a divorce.
Oh, no, daddy,
they couldn't.
Katherine and Harry
after years? Why, daddy?
I don't know.
I guess they don't even know
the reason why.
These things just happen,
even after years.
Even in Pasadena.
Well, Grandma Katherine
really must feel terrible.
She does.
I think Abby feels even worse.
Anyway, you girls are
real comfort to me right now.
Hey, uh, dad, that's what
we wanted to talk to you about.
You don't have to
talk about it.
Just realizing that you've
become grown up is enough.
Uh, I beg your pardon?
'Well, it looks like
Katherine's gonna have to move'
'into the house, and it's gonna
make things kinda tense'
and you don't realize
how good I feel
knowing that you're mature
and able enough to look after
things for yourself.
I've gotta go now.
Abby needs that coffee.
[instrumental music]
Tom, wait.
Thank you.
Don't mention it.
Well, now at least we know
why your father didn't call.
Yeah, I-I should have known
something was wrong
when we didn't hear from him.
Do you know he, he used to..
...he used to call mom
every night from his office
with, um, a traffic report
on the Pasadena freeway
and, um, an ETA on his, uh,
return to our driveway.
How could a man
so dependable do this?
Uh, do what? I mean, did your
mother say what happened?
No, she was too emotional
to talk about it
and I was too emotional
to listen.
How can they
just end years?
I don't know, must have
been...very difficult
for both of them.
Mm-hmm.
It's just that they were always
so happy together, you know.
I mean, they had their problems
like everybody, but..
...but they were always there
when I needed 'em. Together.
My mom and my dad, you know.
I mean, if they hadn't..
...we hadn't had
such a happy family.
I wouldn't have wanted
so much to be
a part of this family.
I know, don't worry.
We're all one family now.
We'll work it out.
I just wanted to make sure,
Tommy.
What do you think, I'm some
kinda dunce head or somethin'?
Dad's not up to
hearing more bad news
and I'm not up to
tellin' it.
Well, what are you
gonna do about the tickets?
Well, I have two choices.
Either, I can wait
until things settle down
or I can think
of somethin' else
which ever comes first.
Lots of luck.
Tommy, what does divorce
really mean?
Well, if you're talkin' about
Grandma Katherine's divorce
it means, I'm stuck with you
till I move away to college.
No, no. What does
divorce really mean?
Well, it just means
that two people
don't wanna
live together any more.
Does that mean
you want a divorce from me?
No, you couldn't afford
the alimony.
But, David,
you don't understand.
We can't move home when
dad's dependin' on us not too.
You guys are ignoring
the obvious.
Oh, no, David,
we couldn't move in with you.
No, that's right, you can't
but Abby's mother
could move in here.
- In here?
- 'Sure.'
The rent would be
no problem for her.
She could be close to Abby
and then there would be enough
room for the three of you
to move back into the house.
David, you are a genius!
(Nancy)
No, wait a minute, you guys,
hold the applause.
Look, we don't know if dad
or Grandma Katherine
would buy it.
Oh, and if dad gets
any idea of how desperate we are
he will treat us like
kindergarten kids
for the rest of our lives.
Do I have to do
all your thinking for you?
Yes.
Now look, what you do is
you tell dad and Katherine
that her moving in here is the
solution to all their problems.
Yeah. You think
they'll believe that?
You'll rather sleep
in a bus station?
(Tom)
'Why didn't they tell me
they have to move home?'
They're afraid
you'll think they failed.
They'll never
hear the end of it.
Don't they know
how much I miss them?
Right now, they're too busy
missin' their self-respect.
- I see.
- Dad, don't make them crawl.
Mary, don't tell me my job.
Oh, I understand
you girls wanted to talk to me?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, dad, we wanted to talk
to you about Grandma Katherine.
Oh, really?
What about it?
Oh, well, uh,
we've been thinkin', dad.
I mean, i-it's such a madhouse
around here and everything
and, uh..
I me-mean
how can Grandma Katherine
go through
such a tragic time in her life
without any
peace or quite or privacy?
(Susan)
'On the other hand, dad,
I mean, Grandma Katherine'
shouldn't have to
go through the hassle
of lookin' for her own place.
Not when the perfect apartment
is just waitin' for her.
That's right, dad, and, uh..
...and under
the dire circumstances
we've decided that, uh..
...that we are willing
to give our apartment
to, uh, Grandma Katherine.
Oh, then where
would you girls live?
I've got it.
Um, they could live here.
Hey, that's a good idea.
What do you think, dad, huh?
No, no, I-I can't
accept your suggestion.
- You can't?
- Dad.
No, no, I-I just couldn't let
the three of you girls
make that much of a sacrifice.
Oh, dad, don't think of us.
Think of Katherine.
- Think of Abby.
- Think of yourself.
But it's
what you've always wanted.
I mean, you're doing
so well on your own.
Oh, but I know, dad,
I know, but, uh..
...we're gonna have
plenty of time in the future
to enjoy our independence
and, and I think that now,
is the time for us to be..
...responsible members
of the Bradford family.
Well, it's a very mature
and responsible suggestion.
Thank you very much.
You're even more capable
than I thought.
I'll talk to Katherine.
[instrumental music]
Oh, I couldn't have done
better myself.
Probably not.
Harry is so stubborn.
He gets worse every year.
- Has Abby talked to him?
- Well, no.
You said that Harry
was away on a business trip
and couldn't be reached.
- I lied.
- Oh. I see.
Apparently,
he hasn't called.
He's probably too busy sulking.
It's his favorite sport,
next to golf.
Well, if he does call,
do you wanna talk to him?
Oh, no, Tom.
I can't look back.
I have to look ahead.
Hmm, however,
that doesn't seem
to be very much to look at.
'The children have grown.
Never worked.'
Except at being,
Mrs. Harry Mitchell and..
...apparently I didn't even
do a very good job at that.
It's not easy to discover
that one is totally useless.
Oh no, Katherine,
please don't say that
I already only came here
because
I'm in desperate need
of your help.
- My help?
- That's right.
Joannie, Susan and Nancy
have just found out
that it's much easier
to declare independence
than to achieve it.
They wanna move back home.
Oh, how terrible,
I picked the worse possible time
to bring
my problems into this house.
No, no, no, you picked
the best possible time.
The girls need to save face
so now they are offering you
their apartment
in your time of need.
Which is really their time
of need. Which is our secret.
- How wonderful.
- Then you'll do it?
Oh, just, just tell me.
I haven't felt needed
in, in months and months.
- Oh, thank you, Katherine.
- Tom. Thank you.
When I think of all
the uncomplimentary things
that Harry and I
have said about you.
Really?
Well, I must confess,
I, uh, may have said a few
uncomplimentary things
about you and Harry.
- In-law things.
- In-law things.
Isn't it nice
that it's all behind us?
- We can be friends?
- I'd like that.
[instrumental music]
- Oh, it's so heavy.
- And those stairs.
I'm in favor of
lighter loads and more trips.
Yeah, but take all night
to move back home?
- Forget it.
- Oh.
Oh, no, you guys, look.
What's going on,
we can park here?
- Not on street cleaning day.
- Oh, no.
I wish you would have
talked to your mother first.
She specifically told me
that she didn't wanna
see your father.
Oh, I couldn't just
let them suffer in silence.
And when, when you
told me dad was in Pasadena
well, I just had to call him.
And besides,
you should have told me
you were gonna
put my mother in an apartment.
- I mean, dad was shocked.
- Hmm.
I'm sure he'll tell me
precisely how shocked he was.
Why don't you pick
him up at the airport?
Because I have
to prepare mom that he's coming
and these days anyway,
you seem to have
a lot better way
with them than I do.
Oh, if you say anything
about our being contemporary
it will be a double divorce.
Actually, I like to think of you
as a contemporary of Nicholas.
- Oh, bye-bye.
- Oh, keys. I forgot my keys.
- Well, how is it going, girls?
- Fantastic, daddy.
Did you get Grandma Katherine
move into the apartment?
- Uh-huh.
- Oh, good.
I hope you're all settled back
into your own rooms
by the time I get back.
(Joannie)
'Okay, dad.'
I expected Katherine to call.
Yeah, I know, but she sort of
expected you to call her.
Well, Katherine
gets more stubborn every day.
I wouldn't exactly
open my negotiations
without statement, Harry.
Well, there aren't
gonna be any negotiations.
I'm only here,
because Abby seems to need me.
What is it, Thomas?
Oh, well.
It's obviously a mistake.
- Hi.
- Anything wrong, officer?
You have
a broken right tail light.
Oh, really?
Well, I didn't know that.
We have a broken
right tail light.
May I have your
driver's license please.
Sure. Oh, shucks!
Listen, officer..
...you're not gonna believe
this.
- I'll believe it.
- It's in my other coat.
I'll have to check
and make sure that you really
do have a driver's license.
You wanna give me
your name and address?
Certainly,
it's Thomas Bradford Sr.
Oak Street.
I should have known
the family would fall apart
when I let Abby leave Pasadena.
The only island of sanity
in the state of California.
[indistinct radio chatter]
Oh, Katherine deserves
the squirrel cage you live in.
Oh, come on, please, Harry,
it's not a squirrel cage.
You're the registered owner
of this vehicle?
Oh, yes.
'Well, Mr. Bradford,
you do have a driver's license'
but you also set
a new Sacramental record
for parking tickets.
'I'm afraid,
I'm gonna have to take you in.'
[instrumental music]
Squirrel cage, Thomas.
Squirrel cage.
Calm down, Mr. Bradford.
How can you possibly forget
a $ worth of parking tickets?
I didn't forget about them.
I didn't even know
about these tickets.
Now, please understand, sergeant
that my client is quite
obviously emotionally upset.
So I asked you
to totally ignore
his understandable incoherence.
Oh, please, Harry,
I am not your client
and I'm not inhocarent,
inca-inco, incoherent.
You see what I mean. I suggest
you let me handle this, Thomas.
Now, as my client indicates.
I'm his senior partner,
what is perhaps
the most, uh, respective
law firm in California.
And it's my duty to warn you,
sir, that you are treadin'
dangerously close
to the boundaries
of force arrest
and character assassination.
Mister,
I have not yet begun to tread.
Harry, I'm sorry, sergeant.
Harry,
please be your own client.
Sergeant, may I look at the
files for one moment, please?
We should also know, so that
we're prepared to take this
uh, this case
of mistaken identity
to the
United States Supreme Court
where a former classmate
of mine now presides.
And if I don't get some
cooperation around here
you may be presiding
right here permanently.
Look at this, sergeant, I think
I've solved the whole thing.
It's very obvious, look,
three of these tickets
were given
at the medical center right?
Three of them,
at the Pacific Theater.
And four of them were at
Madame Su Ang's
Chinese food factory
and the rest were all
at the high school.
So all I need is one phone call
and you need
one very large cell.
Are these your tickets, Tommy?
- Yes.
- How much, sergeant?
Thirty six dollars.
But I have only .
How many days
will he have to spend in jail?
- Tom, that's cruel.
- No, it is not cruel.
Because we will visit
him on the weekends.
Dad, you can't do this to us.
Now, we're all totally broke.
Oh, I'll pay their fines,
Thomas.
No, Harry, you won't pay them
because you won't charge
enough interest.
- Interest?
- 'That's right. Ten percent.'
Now that you realize
where careless parking
can lead you to,
I will take care
of the sergeant here.
Those of you unable to pay
will take care of me
when we get home.
- 'Are there any questions?'
- Yes. Thomas--
Harry, you're right.
It is...a squirrel cage.
(Nancy)
'Grandma Katherine sure
was lucky she only had'
'one suitcase to fit
into the apartment.'
Yeah, how'd you get all this
junk in there anyway?
It will never fit in your
side of the room again.
Elizabeth, I was
meaning to ask you.
Do you really need
all your closet?
Yes, and all of yours too.
Joannie, how much longer
is this gonna take?
Oh, we're about percent
done, look.
If I've to carry one more box,
you're gonna have to carry me.
Oh, cheer up, Susan. At least
Tommy got room insurance.
What's room insurance?
Well, dad wouldn't
dare kick us out
until we paid him back
all his parking tickets..
Oh, girls. Boy, am I glad
I caught you before you finish
because guess what
the big news.
Your grandfather is
gonna stay with us.
- Oh.
- Oh, no.
You're pulling our legs.
Okay, you're breaking
our backs.
I'm sorry, it's just
that he's having
a really hard time,
and he needs us.
Well, couldn't he need us
from a hotel or something?
- No, Nancy, he couldn't.
- Okay.
Okay, Abby, I understand
but, uh, where are you
planning to put him?
Well, he deserves at least
the same treatment
I gave my mom.
- Yeah.
- Your room.
Our room?
Where are we gonna sleep?
Well, Mary's volunteered her
room to share it, and--
Oh, yeah, that means sharing,
it's sleeping bags on the floor.
Well, I volunteer
to help you move.
How is that?
I said help.
That's what I see.
Well, what do you expect me
to do about it?
Well, talk to Abby, dad, I mean,
we gave up our apartment
for her mother, and now
her dad is in our room.
I mean,
we're in no person's land.
No, no, no, Abby is well
aware of your sacrifices.
She appreciates very
much what you're doing
but what can she do?
Well, I've always heard
the evils of divorce
but this is ridiculous.
I mean, how can senior
citizens act like children?
I wish they were children.
Then I could handle it.
Wait a minute.
Oh, that's it.
Nancy, you're a genius.
- She is?
- Of course!
You guys just never noticed.
What did I say?
Do you remember when
you two were little
and you would go without
speaking a word to each other?
Yeah, you'd make us sit
next to each other
at the dinner table till we
either made up or starved.
Oh, yeah.
I remember starving one time
for twelve long minutes.
Let's see if that
record still holds.
Grandma.
More biscuits, Grandpa Harry?
No, thank you, Nicholas.
Tommy, would please ask
someone to pass me a biscuit?
Oh, sure, grandma,
Nicholas, would you pass
'the biscuits down here,
please?'
Here, Tommy, catch!
There you go.
The behavior at this table
is totally unacceptable.
Ah, not to mention
Tommy and Nicholas.
What is inexcusable,
is inviting people
to dinner without giving
the people who live here
a chance to make other plans.
(Abby)
'Well, dad,
I wish you'd calm down'
because we were only
trying to help.
It would have been
more helpful
if you had given
your invited guest
an opportunity
to make her plans.
In fact, I've totally
lost my appetite
and I would appreciate
it if someone would drive me
back to my apartment. Tommy?
Oh, I'd like to grandma, but..
...I'm grounded until
I pay my tickets.
Yes, as a matter of fact,
the whole family is grounded
on the same grounds.
So maybe, dad, you could drive
mother to the apartment.
'You can use the station wagon.'
I'd prefer to walk.
Katherine Mitchell!
You are the most stubborn
woman in America.
Why not? I have been taking
lessons from you for years.
Oh, really?
Really.
[sighs]
Well, dad
at least they're talkin'
to each other.
- Wasn't it romantic?
- Yeah.
When Grandma Katherine finally
agreed to let Grandpa Harry
drive her home,
I could hear the violins.
And did you see the way
Grandpa Harry
held the door open for her?
I couldn't believe it.
No, if chivalry like
that would come back
maybe even I'd vote
against the RA.
- Doubt it.
- What?
Hey, do you think they'll
take a second honeymoon
or head on back to Pasadena?
Ah, who cares, I just
want my old room back.
Let's go, guys!
Moving day!
Oh, yeah, alright.
Thanks.
Bye.
Stuck with the dishes again.
What else is new?
Oh..
Does this mean Tommy and I
have to move our room?
No, Nicholas, this means
everyone's moving back
to where they belong.
Alright! Will someone else break
the bad news to Tommy?
Oh, yeah, yeah,
I will, Nicholas.
Would you open the door
for us though?
- Yeah.
- It's a deal!
- It's locked.
- What do you mean it's locked?
I always lock my door.
Grandpa Harry, you're back!
- Dad, what happened?
- Well, obviously nothing, Abby.
- What do you mean?
- Oh, your mother is ridiculous.
She wouldn't even let me walk
her to her door.
That's too bad, Harry.
Bad? It's preposterous!
(Nancy)
'Oh, poor Grandpa Harry.'
Does this mean you're going
back to Pasadena all alone?
No.
Means I'll be staying on.
- Staying on?
- How long?
Till I bring Katherine
to her senses!
- A week?
- Two weeks?
Well, the last time
I courted your mother
it took four years.
You're courting her?
Oh, dad..
- It took four years.
- We heard.
Yes, four years.
And so I would appreciate
if you would all endeavor
to keep the noise down.
I'm not as young as I was then,
and I need my rest!
Oh, Mary's floor,
here we come.
Susan, Joannie, I'm so sorry.
Listen, we didn't plan for it
to turn out this way.
[chuckles]
Oh, forget it, daddy.
When it's this crazy
around here
we know one thing for sure.
We're home!
Oh, well,
that sounds good to me.
- Say it again.
- Oh, we're home!
Yes, our favorite
institution!
- Music to my ears.
- Ours too, daddy, ours too.
Is there anymore
pancakes, Joannie?
Hmm, I'll see, Nicholas.
Oh...oh, dad, we have
to see about gettin'
a softer floor in Mary's room.
Oh, what's wrong, Joannie?
I slept great.
I just pretended to convert
to Japanese.
Try it tonight.
It's all in the mind.
No, you know,
it's all in the back.
Well, your father seems to be
getting his sleep this week.
Yeah, he didn't even get up to
hog the bathroom this morning.
I told you,
you didn't have to worry.
I'll wake him up
after you guys leave.
[door bell]
I'll get it.
(Tom)
'Oh, no, no, no, no,
I'll get it.'
You're indecently
cheerful this morning
and anybody that
rings the doorbell
in the middle of breakfast,
should not be greeted
by a smiling face.
Alright, we hear you
We have ears, you know?
Now, just what..
Uh, Thomas. I'm sorry.
I seem to have
misplaced my key.
[whistling]
[instrumental music]
[clears throat]
Dad?
'Would you like
some breakfast?'
Oh, no, thank you.
I've had breakfast.
Goodnight.
[music continues]
He's your father.
You better talk to him.
- Why?
- What will the kids think?
Coming home at breakfast.
What will your mother say?
[chuckles]
Well, we should probably say
that it's the most fun
she's had since she was
courting the last time.
[all chuckling]
Well, hang in there, you guys.
Looks like you're gonna get your
room back up pretty soon.
Yay!
[all laughing]
[theme music]
I don't belong in this family.
What? Why not?
I just don't fit.
Oh, we all feel that way
sometimes, Nicholas.
You know, the more
I think about it
the more I think I was adopted.
- Adopted?
- No, you weren't, Nicholas.
I remember the day you were
born into this family.
Yeah, and dad took us
all down to the hospital
so we could stand around
and gawk at you.
Boy, were you wrinkled.
Wrinkled?
Nah, I was never wrinkled.
Oh, yes, you were. We saw you.
Well, then how do you know
it was really me?
'Cause the nurse
said it was you.
Well, maybe the nurse
made a mistake.
Maybe she pointed out
to the wrong baby
and I really belonged
in some other family
where I am the oldest.
- Hey, Nicholas.
- Yeah?
(Tommy)
'Hey, maybe you're right.'
'I mean, maybe the hospital
did make a mistake'
and they did switch babies
and you're not really
Nicholas Bradford
you're just some other girl.
Girl?
Well, sure, I mean,
if you're not who you are
then there's a - chance
that you're just a girl.
Forget everything I just said!
[instrumental music]
[theme song]
♪ There's a magic ♪
♪ In the early morning
we've found ♪
♪ When the sunrise smiles ♪
♪ On everything around ♪
♪ It's a portrait
of the happiness ♪
♪ That we feel and always will ♪
♪ For eight is enough ♪
♪ To fill our lives with love ♪
♪ Oh we spend our days ♪
♪ Like bright
and shiny new dimes ♪
♪ If we're ever puzzled ♪
♪ By the changing times ♪
♪ There's a plate
of homemade wishes ♪
♪ On the kitchen windowsill ♪
♪ And eight is enough ♪
♪ To fill our lives with love ♪♪
♪ La da-da dum da-da dum ♪
♪ Ta-dum ♪
♪ Ta ra-ra rum
da-da da dum ♪
♪ La da-da da da dum ♪♪
Tom, I'm so glad you're home!
Come in, sit down, relax.
Look, I made a little
tea party for us.
Isn't that nice?
Oh-oh, this means you're
gonna tell me something
that I can't handle standing up.
- You're being paranoid.
- No, it's just experience.
What is it, emergency
orthodontia or a crumpled fender
or did Nicholas elope?
None of the above.
My mother's coming
to visit tomorrow!
Oh, I'd rather have
Nicholas elope.
Uh, didn't we just get through
visiting with your parents?
It was Thanksgiving.
Oh, that's right.
Now I remember.
I was thankful when they left.
'Well, you'll be pleased
to know it's not they.'
My father is not coming.
Oh, well, in that ca..
You should have given me
that for openers.
You should have said,
"Tom, guess what?
My father isn't going
to visit us!"
That would've made my day!
You know, I can't figure out
how he let her leave
Pasadena without him.
It's their first
separate vacation
in years of marriage.
Wow, I admire her stamina.
I need a vacation from
your father after seconds.
You really shouldn't be
so hard on him, you know.
You are a potential
father-in-law eight times over.
Me, a father-in-law?
An in-law? Never.
You know, why did Nancy
have to take an apartment?
It's times like this
I really miss her.
Why Nancy? I mean,
what about Joannie and Susan?
Not in times like this.
See, Joannie and Susan
slice carrots
just the same way you do.
And Nancy doesn't?
Well, she slices them
the long way
so you can use the carrot
to put salad on your fork.
Is that some kinda hint?
Well, it is
if we're havin' salad.
Mother won't be here long enough
to spoil your routine.
Is that a guarantee?
(Abby)
'Well,
it's practically ironclad.'
'You see, I'm sure
the first day she's here'
dad's gonna call
and have her fly right back home
because not having her there
is gonna spoil his routine
too much, see?
- Okay, you sold me.
- Aw!
I guess you do deserve a little
mother-daughter visit, alright?
You are so good to me.
She really does, dad
and now, at least, we have
a room for Grandma Katherine.
What room?
Oh, well, Nicholas,
see, I was thinking
that Grandma Katherine
could move into
Joannie and Susan's old room,
and that, uh..
...Tommy could move back
in with you, is that okay?
Good idea!
No matter what Tommy says
I still think he's afraid
to sleep alone.
Tommy is afraid to sleep alone?
No, dad, Nicholas is
scared to sleep alone.
And Tommy's gonna hate the idea
of giving up his new room.
Oh, not if his father
talked him into it.
Huh? Why me?
Well, because I just had
to face your grumbling
so now you can face
Tommy's grumbling!
(Joannie)
'Oh, boy, David,
now we owe you for, uh'
two quarts of milk,
and for four dozen eggs
and three loaves of that
sprouted leaf bread.
- Forget it.
- No, no, no, David.
Now, we're gonna pay you
back on Nancy's payday
plus, five eggs interest.
You don't have to do that!
Yeah, we do have to do that.
David, you remember how you felt
about accepting charity
and everything
when you got your first place?
Yeah, I remember.
And in that case, your
interest will be seven eggs.
Ah! David, that's usury.
No, that's reflect
for your independence.
Tell me, David,
how long does it take
till independence
comes without hunger?
Uh, don't you think you're
exaggerating a little, Susan?
It's not hunger
it's just, uh...shaky nutrition.
Oh, I know what
you're goin' through.
My first two months in my own
apartment, I lost six pounds.
Yeah, but at least
you don't have to stand
in line for your own bathrobe.
- Yeah.
- Well, face it, girls.
I didn't try to
gain my independence
with two sisters along,
and I didn't have to support
three people
on one and two thirds job.
Oh, David,
don't get the wrong idea.
We're not complaining. It's..
We're gonna get organized.
Hey, and listen,
if you're talking to dad
we already are organized, and
you've never seen us so happy.
Exactly. Tell him that he can
really be proud of us.
Please?
[motorbike engine revving]
Hey! This thing's busted!
No, Tommy,
we were here too long.
Just like the Meter Molly said.
- Whose side are you on anyway?
- Mine!
I'm tired of getting a ticket
every time I ride with you.
- Oh, what about your tickets?
- What about 'em?
You've got this month,
and I only got two.
Yeah, if my van was running, you
wouldn't know how many I had.
- I think dad's car's a jinx!
- Yeah.
Hey, do you think
we ought to tell them
the bad news together
or separate?
Oh, together, and wait
till he owes us something.
That way, we can negotiate.
Well, he better
owe us something quick
'cause at this rate
we're gonna need a wheelbarrow
to carry in our tickets, and two
stretchers to carry us out.
Hurray, Nancy, that is..
- Alright, hurray!
- That's terrific!
This calls for a toast.
Milk all around.
H-h-h-hey,
wait a minute there, David.
Rather, you're being awfully
generous with our milk.
This is a celebration
and ten minutes minutes ago,
it was my milk.
O-o-okay, but we'll count your
glasses as part of the payback.
- Cheapskates.
- Survivor.
(Nancy)
Oh, forget it, Susan.
Once I get my new job,
we'll throw away the budget
then we'll have guests
every night!
Hey, when do you start, Nancy?
Well, they haven't said,
but I figure
I'll find out at the interview.
The interview?
You mean it's not a firm offer?
No, but you guys know
how great I am
at getting the jobs I go after,
right?
True, true.
No one has more experience
at job interviews than you.
David, I knew you had
confidence in me.
That's why I figured
you'd lend me your truck?
It's not a truck, and it's not
available for job interviews.
Well then, how am I gonna get
clear across Sacramento
during my lunch hour?
Well, you could ask dad
to use the station wagon.
- Yeah.
- Are you kidding?
He won't approve of my
changing jobs again!
Uh, you just have to pick
the right way to ask him, Nance.
Yeah...use a little strategy.
[clears throat]
No, no, wait, wait, wait.
Everybody just stay where you
are, your father has something
of great importance
to discuss with Tommy.
Huh? Oh.
That.. Well.. You, uh..
I-I was waiting for
the proper moment, you know.
Um, dad, Tommy had two desserts.
I don't think you're gonna
find a righter moment.
Uh, dad, Elizabeth and I thought
we'd stand together on this.
I think I just decided
to stand separately.
Coward.
Will someone please tell me
what we're talkin' about?
It's not easy to find out
seeing as how your father
keeps avoiding the issue!
No, I'm not avoiding the issue.
Well then, bite the b*llet
and break the bad news!
Um, bad news for one
should be bad news for all.
(Tom)
'Well, that's right, Tommy.'
I knew you would be upset,
you know
so I, I wanted to handle
this more delicately
but, uh...alright,
here it goes.
[clearing throat]
Uh, guess what?
Abby's mother
is coming to visit us
'and, uh, we want her
to stay in your room.'
My room?
Yes, but Abby guarantees
it'll just be for one night.
'May-maybe two nights,
right, Abby?'
Good idea! And you
won't have to sleep alone!
Oh, sure, dad. It's my pleasure.
- You're smiling!
- Oh, it's because I wanna help.
Elizabeth, dishes.
[clearing throat]
- Amazing.
- Maybe he's growing up.
Maybe he is afraid
to sleep alone.
I told you. Poor little shrimp.
Dad is about to
owe me a favor, Elizabeth
and I'm gonna remember
that you finked out.
Well, you would too,
if you'd seen this.
- Look.
- What is it?
It's a notice dad got as legal
owner of the station wagon.
Fortunately, I intercepted it.
Dad owes $
in parking tickets?
Yeah, and I wasn't in the mood
for $ worth of yelling.
Or somebody else
must be getting tickets
on the station wagon besides us.
- Who?
- Who cares?
Alls I know is that
dad is gonna yell at least
to the people he owes
the most favors to.
From now on, Elizabeth,
it's every Bradford for himself.
[instrumental music]
- Oh, Grandma Katherine!
- Uh!
How nice to see you! How was
your flight in from Pasadena?
- Oh, here, let me take this.
- Thanks, honey.
Yeah, oh, you'll be
staying in my room.
When I heard you were coming,
I just said, "Take it, please!"
Anything to help!
Mom, I bought you
your favorite tea
and those little cookies
that you break your diet for.
That's sweet of you, dear,
but I think..
...I think what I really need
is a nap.
You know how flying tires me.
Yeah, b..
You've always thrived on flyin'.
Oh, I'll-I'll
feel fine by dinner.
Uh...don't worry.
'You know, mom?'
I have half a mind
to call dad
to see how long you've
been lookin' so tired.
Oh, no, Abby.
Uh, your father's business
trip was very indefinite
I have no idea where he is.
And even if I did, there's
no reason to worry. Believe me.
Tommy,
would you show me to my room?
Oh, my pleasure, yeah.
[instrumental music]
All afternoon? You haven't
seen Katherine all afternoon?
She asked me not to disturb her
and she locked the door.
Oh. Well, this is your house.
I mean,
if you're really concerned
you can unlock the door.
Oh, sure.
She's my mother.
Every time I think
of disobeying her
I feel like
a six-year-old kid.
I know the feeling,
but this house is already
well-stocked with children.
If your mother is really ill
we've gotta start making
some grown-up decisions.
Oh, I don't think she's ill,
exactly, I'm..
Well, then what?
Well, maybe she's,
maybe she's just disturbed
about bein' away from my father,
uh, I don't know.
We can't have
any more guesswork.
Why don't you go up
tell your mother to come down,
say hello to me
'we'll have a little
chat before dinner?'
You'll be nice?
Well, you'll have to settle
for...totally charming.
[instrumental music]
[knocking]
- Mother?
- Yes, dear.
- Did you get your nap?
- My nap?
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh.
Yes. Yes, I suppose I did.
Um, Tom's downstairs,
and I was wondering if
maybe you'd like to come down
and say hello?
Would you just
hate me if I didn't?
No, mom.
Um, of course
I wouldn't hate you.
You could just, uh, wait
and come down at dinner.
I'm not really hungry. I'll just
see everybody at breakfast.
Mom, are you alright?
That airport was so draughty
I think maybe
I-I caught a little cold
and I'll just sleep it off.
Now don't worry.
Mother..
There's no need
to get upset, Abby.
No need at all.
Yes, mother.
Daddy, your message is
finally getting through to me.
I don't think I am ready
for a better-paying job.
[sighing]
You finally convinced me.
I'm an adequate.
Oh, no, no. I never intended
to destroy your self-confidence.
Uh, that's alright, daddy.
I can be content
with my humble lot.
No Bradford is content
with humble.
Well, I have to be, dad.
You see, I couldn't
get to the interview
even if I felt up to it.
I don't have a car.
Oh, please,
don't worry about that.
I'll work out
the transportation.
You just start feeling
good about yourself, and..
...y-you're a very
talented girl, Nancy.
Yeah, you're the best carrot
slicer in all Sacramento!
You guys! You guys!
It worked! It worked!
I got the station wagon
for the interview.
Aren't you gonna
congratulate me?
Nope, you should
congratulate us.
What for?
For not throwing hysterical fits
and not sh**ting the landlady.
[chuckles]
Why would I wanna
congratulate you for that stuff?
Because we consider doing both
of those things very carefully.
Rent's been raised,
starting the first.
- Oh, no! How much?
- $.
- Well, that's impossible.
- That's right.
Eighty impossible dollars.
[sighing]
Gonna lose the apartment.
[sighs]
[mumbling]
See, that's . Forget it.
I'll quit school and get
a full-time job.
- Oh, no, you won't.
- You did it.
That's because I didn't
have a dropout sister
who could tell me what
I was getting myself into
and who would pull my hair out,
even if I considered it.
Oh, boy.
Well, we could get a new
roommate, share expenses.
Oh, no, she'd have
to share the bathroom
and she'd mess up
our private date nights.
Yeah, and where would she sleep?
In the kitchen,
or in the closet?
Well, you guys tell me where
we're gonna get another $.
- My expeditor's job.
- If you get it.
I'll get it, I'll get it!
I hope so.
I don't know.
It just bothers me, Nancy
that the two of us are depending
on you havin' a full-time job
just to keep the apartment.
Doesn't seem fair.
Yeah, I'd sure feel
a whole lot better
if I was working full-time
at the daycare center.
Oh, yeah, or I was
full-time at the theatre.
Don't worry, guys.
It will all work out.
- I mean, uh, you can help me.
- How?
Well, for one thing. You can
tell me what an expeditor does?
[laughing]
You don't know
what an expeditor..
[laughing continues]
- 'Hi.'
- 'Hi.'
(Tom)
Is your mother coming
down for breakfast?
N-no,
I-I'll take her a tray.
Are you playing
a trick on me or something?
Your mother arrived
yesterday afternoon.
I still haven't seen her.
Actually, this is the
nicest visit we've ever had.
Don't make fun.
She really worries me.
Oh, I'm sorry, do you
think that I should, uh
call Dr. Max and see if he can
squeeze her in for a check-up?
I don't know what to think.
I just wish I could talk to dad.
- Well, I'm sure he'll call.
- I'm sure he will.
W-what do you think?
Do you like this one
or this one?
This one.
Oh...yeah.
- That's what I thought.
- Mm-hmm.
Joannie, you said that picking
you up wasn't out of my way.
I'm sorry,
I thought you said
your interview was
on East Broadway.
Well, you're just gonna have to
come with me until it's over.
Oh, but they're expecting
me at :!
Joannie, what is more important?
Your costume fitting or
us keeping the apartment?
I know, it's.. Uh-oh.
(Nancy)
'Oh, I don't believe it.'
Oh, Nancy, you shouldn't
have parked it in a red zone.
Every time I take dad's car out,
I get a ticket.
Yeah. Face it, Nance.
Dad's station wagon's a jinx.
I got a few myself.
- What'd you tell him?
- I didn't.
Me neither.
I figured, why worry him?
Yeah, right.
Why worry him?
Hey, guys. How'd it..
Mm...hey, uh, Nance, it's okay.
There's plenty of other
new jobs you can get.
Yeah. What about old jobs?
Well, what about 'em?
Well, a parking ticket
made Nancy late
for gettin' to her
new job interview
and my costume fitting
made her late
getting back
to her old job, so..
So they fired me.
- They can't do that.
- Oh, can't they.
Or how can we live?
Oh..
- I was sleeping with what?
- Sowbugs.
Why didn't you say
somethin' last night?
Well, I forgot that's where
I spilled my collection.
Whoa, well, I'd be glad to get
back in my own private room.
- Really?
- Really.
You know, I was kinda hoping
you'd remember
how nice it was when..
When what?
When you didn't have
to sleep alone.
I know how much you hate it.
Come on, Nicholas.
You might as well admit it.
You're the one
that hates to sleep alone.
- You mean people know that?
- Sure, the whole family knows.
Boy, what a shock.
- 'You'll get over it.'
- Yeah, I guess so.
Tommy, I think
I'd get over it more, though
if you didn't have to move out
when Grandma Katherine
went home.
You wanna sleep with somebody?
Here. Sleep with your friends.
Let's face it, you guys.
We are just going to have
to find a smaller apartment.
What? You mean
sleep three to a bedroom?
Oh, no way.
It was better at home.
- What?
- Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Forget that I said that.
Uh, erase that
from your consciousness
...cancel.
No, Susan, really,
I'm glad you said that.
I mean,
it was better at home.
And maybe
we ought to think about
moving back
with dad and Abby.
Nancy, what are you saying?
That kinda talk is
subversive and defeatist.
Really, do you want a four
hour lecture from Tom Bradford
on "I told you so?"
Look, I prefer a four hour
lecture to, uh, eviction notice.
Come on, you guys, let's be
mature adults about this.
Number one, we could
barely pay for the old rent.
'Two, we couldn't afford
the new rent'
even when I was employed.
And three, well, we don't
have any privacy around here.
I mean, not really.
'And four, well, we're over
there all the time anyway.'
And five,
I kinda miss the family.
Well, I do.
[chuckles]
Yeah, I guess
I do kinda...miss Nicholas.
Me too, especially,
when he is hassling Tommy.
[all giggling]
Oh, remember how
Mary and I used to have all this
long talks
in the middle of the night?
- Well, I miss everybody.
- Well, okay.
Okay, it's just that I hate
to crawl back home
with our tail between our legs.
Yeah. What if they
wouldn't take us?
Oh, come on, Joannie,
they'll take us.
Won't be so sure.
Eh, wait a minute, you guys.
What if dad takes
advantage of our position
and decides to enforce
some intolerable conditions
like date control, curfew.
Susan's right, I mean,
If we go, if...we go back.
- Yeah.
- We can't go back begging.
Definitely.
You mean,
you guys might consider?
Well, only as
a highly improbable possibility
that we could casually explore.
Yeah, just to cover
our bases, you know
fill dad out, and check it out.
It's the last
desperate measure.
- Right.
- Right.
Right.
Tomorrow?
Well, what about tonight?
[whistling]
♪ Too doo-doo ♪
♪ Too doo-doo ♪
♪ Da-da dum ♪
♪ Da da dum ♪
♪ Dum.. ♪♪
- Hi, Mary.
- Hold it!
'This laundry room
is occupied, okay?'
You guys have been
in here so much
that this is the first chance
at the washer
I've had in six,
count 'em, six days.
- Okay, okay relax, Mary, we--
- We just came to talk to dad.
- Yeah.
- Oh.
Hi, finance.
Hi, dad, you finance a loan?
No, Mary,
it's not that at all.
No, It's nothing like that,
Mary, we are totally against
subsidies and charity.
David was against them too.
And four loans.
Oh, boy.
Uh, Mary, if you
don't stop putting us down
we just might forget it,
you know.
- Yeah.
- Really.
I wasn't putting you down,
Susan, and forget what?
Well. Uh..
Well, Mary,
we've been thinking, ahem, um..
You know, it's probably
kinda cruel of us to, uh
be deserting dad
in his time of need.
- Oh.
- Yeah, yeah, Mary.
Middle age
is a real crisis, you know
and, uh, a person going
through it, like dad is
well, he needs to be supported
and-and surrounded
by the people
that he loves, you know.
And what brought about
this sudden concern
for dad's welfare, besides
your empty refrigerator?
Our refrigerator had nothing
to do with it, Mary.
- Oh.
- 'Absolutely not.'
Living on our own
has just made us more mature
and aware of
our family responsibilities.
Exactly. Exactly, Susan,
I couldn't have put it better.
Okay, Susan,
I think I understand
what you guys
are driving at.
Terrific. How do you think
dad will take it?
I know he misses you guys
an awful lot.
So, if I were you, I'd tell him
exactly what you just told me.
Oh, good.
'Good. We will.'
- Where is he?
- Upstairs.
Upstairs.
Oh, Tom, I so hate
to impose this, but..
Oh, Katherine,
you're never imposing.
Abby's house is your house.
You know that.
Do you really mean that?
Oh, mom,
of course he means that.
You belong here,
you could never impose.
Would you please
tell me what's wrong?
It's so hard to say.
I'm going to need
all your warm welcome..
...and your understanding.
I've left your father.
I've decided,
to get a divorce.
Oh, mama.
Oh, dad, there you are?
Oh, hello, girls.
I didn't even realize
you were here.
I was just gonna get
Abby some coffee.
Um, could we
talk to you a minute, dad?
Yeah, dad, we've been
real concerned about you lately
and, uh, we have a suggestion
that we think
will make your life
a whole lot happier.
Really? That's good.
I could use your help.
- You really could?
- Yeah.
Abby is upstairs
in her room crying
and her mother is in
your old room. She's crying.
Tell you, the whole second floor
is a real disaster area.
Why, dad, what happened?
Well, I guess,
I might as well tell you.
Abby's mother and father
are getting a divorce.
Oh, no, daddy,
they couldn't.
Katherine and Harry
after years? Why, daddy?
I don't know.
I guess they don't even know
the reason why.
These things just happen,
even after years.
Even in Pasadena.
Well, Grandma Katherine
really must feel terrible.
She does.
I think Abby feels even worse.
Anyway, you girls are
real comfort to me right now.
Hey, uh, dad, that's what
we wanted to talk to you about.
You don't have to
talk about it.
Just realizing that you've
become grown up is enough.
Uh, I beg your pardon?
'Well, it looks like
Katherine's gonna have to move'
'into the house, and it's gonna
make things kinda tense'
and you don't realize
how good I feel
knowing that you're mature
and able enough to look after
things for yourself.
I've gotta go now.
Abby needs that coffee.
[instrumental music]
Tom, wait.
Thank you.
Don't mention it.
Well, now at least we know
why your father didn't call.
Yeah, I-I should have known
something was wrong
when we didn't hear from him.
Do you know he, he used to..
...he used to call mom
every night from his office
with, um, a traffic report
on the Pasadena freeway
and, um, an ETA on his, uh,
return to our driveway.
How could a man
so dependable do this?
Uh, do what? I mean, did your
mother say what happened?
No, she was too emotional
to talk about it
and I was too emotional
to listen.
How can they
just end years?
I don't know, must have
been...very difficult
for both of them.
Mm-hmm.
It's just that they were always
so happy together, you know.
I mean, they had their problems
like everybody, but..
...but they were always there
when I needed 'em. Together.
My mom and my dad, you know.
I mean, if they hadn't..
...we hadn't had
such a happy family.
I wouldn't have wanted
so much to be
a part of this family.
I know, don't worry.
We're all one family now.
We'll work it out.
I just wanted to make sure,
Tommy.
What do you think, I'm some
kinda dunce head or somethin'?
Dad's not up to
hearing more bad news
and I'm not up to
tellin' it.
Well, what are you
gonna do about the tickets?
Well, I have two choices.
Either, I can wait
until things settle down
or I can think
of somethin' else
which ever comes first.
Lots of luck.
Tommy, what does divorce
really mean?
Well, if you're talkin' about
Grandma Katherine's divorce
it means, I'm stuck with you
till I move away to college.
No, no. What does
divorce really mean?
Well, it just means
that two people
don't wanna
live together any more.
Does that mean
you want a divorce from me?
No, you couldn't afford
the alimony.
But, David,
you don't understand.
We can't move home when
dad's dependin' on us not too.
You guys are ignoring
the obvious.
Oh, no, David,
we couldn't move in with you.
No, that's right, you can't
but Abby's mother
could move in here.
- In here?
- 'Sure.'
The rent would be
no problem for her.
She could be close to Abby
and then there would be enough
room for the three of you
to move back into the house.
David, you are a genius!
(Nancy)
No, wait a minute, you guys,
hold the applause.
Look, we don't know if dad
or Grandma Katherine
would buy it.
Oh, and if dad gets
any idea of how desperate we are
he will treat us like
kindergarten kids
for the rest of our lives.
Do I have to do
all your thinking for you?
Yes.
Now look, what you do is
you tell dad and Katherine
that her moving in here is the
solution to all their problems.
Yeah. You think
they'll believe that?
You'll rather sleep
in a bus station?
(Tom)
'Why didn't they tell me
they have to move home?'
They're afraid
you'll think they failed.
They'll never
hear the end of it.
Don't they know
how much I miss them?
Right now, they're too busy
missin' their self-respect.
- I see.
- Dad, don't make them crawl.
Mary, don't tell me my job.
Oh, I understand
you girls wanted to talk to me?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, dad, we wanted to talk
to you about Grandma Katherine.
Oh, really?
What about it?
Oh, well, uh,
we've been thinkin', dad.
I mean, i-it's such a madhouse
around here and everything
and, uh..
I me-mean
how can Grandma Katherine
go through
such a tragic time in her life
without any
peace or quite or privacy?
(Susan)
'On the other hand, dad,
I mean, Grandma Katherine'
shouldn't have to
go through the hassle
of lookin' for her own place.
Not when the perfect apartment
is just waitin' for her.
That's right, dad, and, uh..
...and under
the dire circumstances
we've decided that, uh..
...that we are willing
to give our apartment
to, uh, Grandma Katherine.
Oh, then where
would you girls live?
I've got it.
Um, they could live here.
Hey, that's a good idea.
What do you think, dad, huh?
No, no, I-I can't
accept your suggestion.
- You can't?
- Dad.
No, no, I-I just couldn't let
the three of you girls
make that much of a sacrifice.
Oh, dad, don't think of us.
Think of Katherine.
- Think of Abby.
- Think of yourself.
But it's
what you've always wanted.
I mean, you're doing
so well on your own.
Oh, but I know, dad,
I know, but, uh..
...we're gonna have
plenty of time in the future
to enjoy our independence
and, and I think that now,
is the time for us to be..
...responsible members
of the Bradford family.
Well, it's a very mature
and responsible suggestion.
Thank you very much.
You're even more capable
than I thought.
I'll talk to Katherine.
[instrumental music]
Oh, I couldn't have done
better myself.
Probably not.
Harry is so stubborn.
He gets worse every year.
- Has Abby talked to him?
- Well, no.
You said that Harry
was away on a business trip
and couldn't be reached.
- I lied.
- Oh. I see.
Apparently,
he hasn't called.
He's probably too busy sulking.
It's his favorite sport,
next to golf.
Well, if he does call,
do you wanna talk to him?
Oh, no, Tom.
I can't look back.
I have to look ahead.
Hmm, however,
that doesn't seem
to be very much to look at.
'The children have grown.
Never worked.'
Except at being,
Mrs. Harry Mitchell and..
...apparently I didn't even
do a very good job at that.
It's not easy to discover
that one is totally useless.
Oh no, Katherine,
please don't say that
I already only came here
because
I'm in desperate need
of your help.
- My help?
- That's right.
Joannie, Susan and Nancy
have just found out
that it's much easier
to declare independence
than to achieve it.
They wanna move back home.
Oh, how terrible,
I picked the worse possible time
to bring
my problems into this house.
No, no, no, you picked
the best possible time.
The girls need to save face
so now they are offering you
their apartment
in your time of need.
Which is really their time
of need. Which is our secret.
- How wonderful.
- Then you'll do it?
Oh, just, just tell me.
I haven't felt needed
in, in months and months.
- Oh, thank you, Katherine.
- Tom. Thank you.
When I think of all
the uncomplimentary things
that Harry and I
have said about you.
Really?
Well, I must confess,
I, uh, may have said a few
uncomplimentary things
about you and Harry.
- In-law things.
- In-law things.
Isn't it nice
that it's all behind us?
- We can be friends?
- I'd like that.
[instrumental music]
- Oh, it's so heavy.
- And those stairs.
I'm in favor of
lighter loads and more trips.
Yeah, but take all night
to move back home?
- Forget it.
- Oh.
Oh, no, you guys, look.
What's going on,
we can park here?
- Not on street cleaning day.
- Oh, no.
I wish you would have
talked to your mother first.
She specifically told me
that she didn't wanna
see your father.
Oh, I couldn't just
let them suffer in silence.
And when, when you
told me dad was in Pasadena
well, I just had to call him.
And besides,
you should have told me
you were gonna
put my mother in an apartment.
- I mean, dad was shocked.
- Hmm.
I'm sure he'll tell me
precisely how shocked he was.
Why don't you pick
him up at the airport?
Because I have
to prepare mom that he's coming
and these days anyway,
you seem to have
a lot better way
with them than I do.
Oh, if you say anything
about our being contemporary
it will be a double divorce.
Actually, I like to think of you
as a contemporary of Nicholas.
- Oh, bye-bye.
- Oh, keys. I forgot my keys.
- Well, how is it going, girls?
- Fantastic, daddy.
Did you get Grandma Katherine
move into the apartment?
- Uh-huh.
- Oh, good.
I hope you're all settled back
into your own rooms
by the time I get back.
(Joannie)
'Okay, dad.'
I expected Katherine to call.
Yeah, I know, but she sort of
expected you to call her.
Well, Katherine
gets more stubborn every day.
I wouldn't exactly
open my negotiations
without statement, Harry.
Well, there aren't
gonna be any negotiations.
I'm only here,
because Abby seems to need me.
What is it, Thomas?
Oh, well.
It's obviously a mistake.
- Hi.
- Anything wrong, officer?
You have
a broken right tail light.
Oh, really?
Well, I didn't know that.
We have a broken
right tail light.
May I have your
driver's license please.
Sure. Oh, shucks!
Listen, officer..
...you're not gonna believe
this.
- I'll believe it.
- It's in my other coat.
I'll have to check
and make sure that you really
do have a driver's license.
You wanna give me
your name and address?
Certainly,
it's Thomas Bradford Sr.
Oak Street.
I should have known
the family would fall apart
when I let Abby leave Pasadena.
The only island of sanity
in the state of California.
[indistinct radio chatter]
Oh, Katherine deserves
the squirrel cage you live in.
Oh, come on, please, Harry,
it's not a squirrel cage.
You're the registered owner
of this vehicle?
Oh, yes.
'Well, Mr. Bradford,
you do have a driver's license'
but you also set
a new Sacramental record
for parking tickets.
'I'm afraid,
I'm gonna have to take you in.'
[instrumental music]
Squirrel cage, Thomas.
Squirrel cage.
Calm down, Mr. Bradford.
How can you possibly forget
a $ worth of parking tickets?
I didn't forget about them.
I didn't even know
about these tickets.
Now, please understand, sergeant
that my client is quite
obviously emotionally upset.
So I asked you
to totally ignore
his understandable incoherence.
Oh, please, Harry,
I am not your client
and I'm not inhocarent,
inca-inco, incoherent.
You see what I mean. I suggest
you let me handle this, Thomas.
Now, as my client indicates.
I'm his senior partner,
what is perhaps
the most, uh, respective
law firm in California.
And it's my duty to warn you,
sir, that you are treadin'
dangerously close
to the boundaries
of force arrest
and character assassination.
Mister,
I have not yet begun to tread.
Harry, I'm sorry, sergeant.
Harry,
please be your own client.
Sergeant, may I look at the
files for one moment, please?
We should also know, so that
we're prepared to take this
uh, this case
of mistaken identity
to the
United States Supreme Court
where a former classmate
of mine now presides.
And if I don't get some
cooperation around here
you may be presiding
right here permanently.
Look at this, sergeant, I think
I've solved the whole thing.
It's very obvious, look,
three of these tickets
were given
at the medical center right?
Three of them,
at the Pacific Theater.
And four of them were at
Madame Su Ang's
Chinese food factory
and the rest were all
at the high school.
So all I need is one phone call
and you need
one very large cell.
Are these your tickets, Tommy?
- Yes.
- How much, sergeant?
Thirty six dollars.
But I have only .
How many days
will he have to spend in jail?
- Tom, that's cruel.
- No, it is not cruel.
Because we will visit
him on the weekends.
Dad, you can't do this to us.
Now, we're all totally broke.
Oh, I'll pay their fines,
Thomas.
No, Harry, you won't pay them
because you won't charge
enough interest.
- Interest?
- 'That's right. Ten percent.'
Now that you realize
where careless parking
can lead you to,
I will take care
of the sergeant here.
Those of you unable to pay
will take care of me
when we get home.
- 'Are there any questions?'
- Yes. Thomas--
Harry, you're right.
It is...a squirrel cage.
(Nancy)
'Grandma Katherine sure
was lucky she only had'
'one suitcase to fit
into the apartment.'
Yeah, how'd you get all this
junk in there anyway?
It will never fit in your
side of the room again.
Elizabeth, I was
meaning to ask you.
Do you really need
all your closet?
Yes, and all of yours too.
Joannie, how much longer
is this gonna take?
Oh, we're about percent
done, look.
If I've to carry one more box,
you're gonna have to carry me.
Oh, cheer up, Susan. At least
Tommy got room insurance.
What's room insurance?
Well, dad wouldn't
dare kick us out
until we paid him back
all his parking tickets..
Oh, girls. Boy, am I glad
I caught you before you finish
because guess what
the big news.
Your grandfather is
gonna stay with us.
- Oh.
- Oh, no.
You're pulling our legs.
Okay, you're breaking
our backs.
I'm sorry, it's just
that he's having
a really hard time,
and he needs us.
Well, couldn't he need us
from a hotel or something?
- No, Nancy, he couldn't.
- Okay.
Okay, Abby, I understand
but, uh, where are you
planning to put him?
Well, he deserves at least
the same treatment
I gave my mom.
- Yeah.
- Your room.
Our room?
Where are we gonna sleep?
Well, Mary's volunteered her
room to share it, and--
Oh, yeah, that means sharing,
it's sleeping bags on the floor.
Well, I volunteer
to help you move.
How is that?
I said help.
That's what I see.
Well, what do you expect me
to do about it?
Well, talk to Abby, dad, I mean,
we gave up our apartment
for her mother, and now
her dad is in our room.
I mean,
we're in no person's land.
No, no, no, Abby is well
aware of your sacrifices.
She appreciates very
much what you're doing
but what can she do?
Well, I've always heard
the evils of divorce
but this is ridiculous.
I mean, how can senior
citizens act like children?
I wish they were children.
Then I could handle it.
Wait a minute.
Oh, that's it.
Nancy, you're a genius.
- She is?
- Of course!
You guys just never noticed.
What did I say?
Do you remember when
you two were little
and you would go without
speaking a word to each other?
Yeah, you'd make us sit
next to each other
at the dinner table till we
either made up or starved.
Oh, yeah.
I remember starving one time
for twelve long minutes.
Let's see if that
record still holds.
Grandma.
More biscuits, Grandpa Harry?
No, thank you, Nicholas.
Tommy, would please ask
someone to pass me a biscuit?
Oh, sure, grandma,
Nicholas, would you pass
'the biscuits down here,
please?'
Here, Tommy, catch!
There you go.
The behavior at this table
is totally unacceptable.
Ah, not to mention
Tommy and Nicholas.
What is inexcusable,
is inviting people
to dinner without giving
the people who live here
a chance to make other plans.
(Abby)
'Well, dad,
I wish you'd calm down'
because we were only
trying to help.
It would have been
more helpful
if you had given
your invited guest
an opportunity
to make her plans.
In fact, I've totally
lost my appetite
and I would appreciate
it if someone would drive me
back to my apartment. Tommy?
Oh, I'd like to grandma, but..
...I'm grounded until
I pay my tickets.
Yes, as a matter of fact,
the whole family is grounded
on the same grounds.
So maybe, dad, you could drive
mother to the apartment.
'You can use the station wagon.'
I'd prefer to walk.
Katherine Mitchell!
You are the most stubborn
woman in America.
Why not? I have been taking
lessons from you for years.
Oh, really?
Really.
[sighs]
Well, dad
at least they're talkin'
to each other.
- Wasn't it romantic?
- Yeah.
When Grandma Katherine finally
agreed to let Grandpa Harry
drive her home,
I could hear the violins.
And did you see the way
Grandpa Harry
held the door open for her?
I couldn't believe it.
No, if chivalry like
that would come back
maybe even I'd vote
against the RA.
- Doubt it.
- What?
Hey, do you think they'll
take a second honeymoon
or head on back to Pasadena?
Ah, who cares, I just
want my old room back.
Let's go, guys!
Moving day!
Oh, yeah, alright.
Thanks.
Bye.
Stuck with the dishes again.
What else is new?
Oh..
Does this mean Tommy and I
have to move our room?
No, Nicholas, this means
everyone's moving back
to where they belong.
Alright! Will someone else break
the bad news to Tommy?
Oh, yeah, yeah,
I will, Nicholas.
Would you open the door
for us though?
- Yeah.
- It's a deal!
- It's locked.
- What do you mean it's locked?
I always lock my door.
Grandpa Harry, you're back!
- Dad, what happened?
- Well, obviously nothing, Abby.
- What do you mean?
- Oh, your mother is ridiculous.
She wouldn't even let me walk
her to her door.
That's too bad, Harry.
Bad? It's preposterous!
(Nancy)
'Oh, poor Grandpa Harry.'
Does this mean you're going
back to Pasadena all alone?
No.
Means I'll be staying on.
- Staying on?
- How long?
Till I bring Katherine
to her senses!
- A week?
- Two weeks?
Well, the last time
I courted your mother
it took four years.
You're courting her?
Oh, dad..
- It took four years.
- We heard.
Yes, four years.
And so I would appreciate
if you would all endeavor
to keep the noise down.
I'm not as young as I was then,
and I need my rest!
Oh, Mary's floor,
here we come.
Susan, Joannie, I'm so sorry.
Listen, we didn't plan for it
to turn out this way.
[chuckles]
Oh, forget it, daddy.
When it's this crazy
around here
we know one thing for sure.
We're home!
Oh, well,
that sounds good to me.
- Say it again.
- Oh, we're home!
Yes, our favorite
institution!
- Music to my ears.
- Ours too, daddy, ours too.
Is there anymore
pancakes, Joannie?
Hmm, I'll see, Nicholas.
Oh...oh, dad, we have
to see about gettin'
a softer floor in Mary's room.
Oh, what's wrong, Joannie?
I slept great.
I just pretended to convert
to Japanese.
Try it tonight.
It's all in the mind.
No, you know,
it's all in the back.
Well, your father seems to be
getting his sleep this week.
Yeah, he didn't even get up to
hog the bathroom this morning.
I told you,
you didn't have to worry.
I'll wake him up
after you guys leave.
[door bell]
I'll get it.
(Tom)
'Oh, no, no, no, no,
I'll get it.'
You're indecently
cheerful this morning
and anybody that
rings the doorbell
in the middle of breakfast,
should not be greeted
by a smiling face.
Alright, we hear you
We have ears, you know?
Now, just what..
Uh, Thomas. I'm sorry.
I seem to have
misplaced my key.
[whistling]
[instrumental music]
[clears throat]
Dad?
'Would you like
some breakfast?'
Oh, no, thank you.
I've had breakfast.
Goodnight.
[music continues]
He's your father.
You better talk to him.
- Why?
- What will the kids think?
Coming home at breakfast.
What will your mother say?
[chuckles]
Well, we should probably say
that it's the most fun
she's had since she was
courting the last time.
[all chuckling]
Well, hang in there, you guys.
Looks like you're gonna get your
room back up pretty soon.
Yay!
[all laughing]
[theme music]