05x16 - Hooked

[bunniefuu]

Ted (2030): The children in my stories, I'm a romantic idealist in search of true love. In it, I'm just stupid.

Ted joined the band at McLaren's.

Ted: Friends, tonight is the night. I invite Tiffany home to see my collection of vintage cameras.

Barney: It's the lure of Ted.

Lily: Bait?

Barney: A true gentleman invents an excuse to bring home a respectable lady. Something interesting or beautiful that can claim to admire for 5 minutes before it starts on the track.

Ted: As if she had to "borrow a book" or "listen to old vinyl."

Marshall: Or see your new poster rap.

Robin: Post rap? On which it would work?

Lily: It was the first week of college. I was way into Wu-Tang Clan.

Barney: It's tricky. It must be interesting enough that the girl up, but not too much not to spoil the evening.

Flashback

Barney is a girl with him and they play a slot machine.

Barney: The slot machine is too much fun. And a trampoline... that's actually too dangerous. But I finally found the perfect bait... A mini pig.

End flashback

Ted: A mini pig? On which it would work?

Lily: You got a mini pig?

Robin: You can see the mini pig?

Ted: I can borrow your mini pig?

Barney: Yes, you can borrow.

Tiffany is in the apartment with Ted.

Tiffany: You have a mini pig? I can not believe it! You're too cute!You're the cutest little pig on Earth! What?

Ted: You've always been so beautiful? You're going out on "In high school I was super shy and I in my skin"?

Tiffany: I was shy and ill at ease. I'd like 50 more pounds and protruding teeth.

Ted: Seriously?

Tiffany: No. I was always canon. What can I do? You know who else would love this mini pig? (He goes to kiss) My boyfriend.

GENERIC

Ted: You got a boyfriend?

Tiffany: I know... Boring, eh? Finally, it is... not really my boyfriend.

Ted: Okay.

Tiffany: Well, technically it is.

Ted: He is or not?

Tiffany: A little each but not both.

Ted: Do you understand anything?

Tiffany: I appreciate you. But you must be patient. I do not want to lose you, my Dark Brown.

Ted: Someone does not want to lose his Dark Brown.

Robin: She gave you her hook.

Ted: What? I am not to his hook.

Barney: Yes, completely.

Robin: It gives you false hope, but it does not engage with you, but it keeps you in the corner, just in case, like... an old canned chili in the pantry.

Lily: Who would buy a can of chili for not eating it away?

Marshall: Amen, sister.

Robin: Do you feel pretty good. It is gone. It was on both sides. I was hooked and crocheter. It's good guys. I was shameless, but I did not have money problems.

Marshall: I've been hooked. Lisa Walker. See the scene... In 1994, St. Cloud, Minnesota.

Flashback

Marshall is sitting outside his house with a girl.

Marshall: So I was, like, thinking, Lisa, do, perhaps you want, like, go out with me?

Lisa: It sounds great. But I'm seeing this guy. It has a LeBaron convertible and an unlimited pass to the rink, so I would not miss it.

Marshall: I understand.

Lisa: What if we did that? You could be my secret boyfriend who does all my homework.

Marshall: Okay. Wanna see my post of rap?

End flashback

Lily: Whore posting!

Marshall: So... Lisa Walker gave me false hope for months until one night I went to tell him how much I loved her. In song.

Flashback

Lisa Marshall is waiting outside her home.

Marshall: She was not home yet so I waited. And expected. I woke up, covered with snow, after 4h. And then I saw them. The footprints of Lisa. She had passed right by me to the house.

End flashback

Marshall: It was fine in the end. It freed me from its hook.

Ted: That's not the same with me and Tiffany. Listen.

Flashback

Tiffany: You interest me very much. But I can not be with you for now.

End flashback

Robin: "Right now" is the catch phrase of choice.

Marshall: "For now" you draw a picture of a future where everything will be magical, but in truth, it'll never happen.

Barney: It's like that. "I can not be with you". "For now."

Lily: I think my high school boyfriend Scooter, is a little to my hook.

Marshall: A little? Completely. The poor showed up at our wedding hope you recover.

Lily: It's weird when I see him at work.

Marshall: Wait. What?

Lily: Scooter works in the Ikea cafeteria 'school. We talked.

Flashback

Lily is able to meals noon.

Scooter: Nice dress. French fries? I love you.

End flashback

Marshall: We certainly do not talk about that!

Lily: But if. I talked to full time. "Scooter canteen."

Marshall: I thought you was talking about a long-awaited means of transport, carrying such poor canteen.

Lily: It explains a lot.

Flashback

Lily: Scooter canteen was still there today.

Marshall: You're mounted on it? You did a tour?

Lily: No!

Marshall: Really? In your place I would have rode this scooter all day to break it into two.

End flashback

Marshall: So these poor women must still walk? Expect. Scooter works in your school?

Lily: Are you jealous?

Marshall: I feel bad for Scooter. It took this job just because he thinks he has a chance with you. You must ensure that he understands that it is wrong for it turns the page and gets a real work canteen. sh*t!

Lily: I tried!

Flashback

Lily is in the Ikea cafeteria 'of his school.

Scooter: I saw that you had free time. So do I. And if you fled?

Lily: Let me be clear, Scooter. There is no way that you and I are together. For now.

Scooter: See you tomorrow. It's Tuesday Tijuana.

End flashback

Marshall: "For now"? You got to the earnest Scooter? You must release your scooter hook.

Lily: You're right. Tomorrow, that's what I'll do.

Marshall: Why not tomorrow?

Lily: I can not spoil the Tijuana Tuesday.

Barney is Ted at the bar.

Barney: Really? You really gonna sit and watch the door all night because Tiffany said she would try to pass?

Ted: I will not give up.

Ted (2030): I should have quit.

Ted: This girl is special.

Ted (2030): It was the devil!

Ted: It will get better with Tiffany.

Ted (2030): No, moron!

Barney: Ted, let me be clear. That girl is poison and you have to forget your life forever.

Ted: There she is. (Between Tiffany followed by several other women) It has led to colleagues.

Barney: Hold on to it. Never lets go! I have never seen more beautiful girls. They all work with Tiffany?

Ted: Yep.

Barney: There can be only one explanation for that. Tiffany is a representative... e, pharmaceuticals?

Ted: How do you know?

Barney: And you never thought to say?

Ted: What? It's just a job.

Barney: That a b... Since time immemorial there has always been a professional edge to which girls g*ns, like Tiffany, have flocked. I'll redo the story?

Ted: I will not say explicitly.

Barney: It began 2.5 million years ago. The man was a hunter.So the profession's sexiest moment? Picker. h*m* erectus, indeed. With improved technology, the profession's sexiest moment was changing. I'm sure it's a hernia. You can double-check? And then the man grabbed the heavens. So girls sexy stiletto heels began and became a flight attendant. I'm right and ready to fire. Then the man said, "Life is hard. I should start taking lots of dr*gs. " So sexy girls landed in medical offices, hot enough to make these pills erection ironically unnecessary. So today, girls are pharma's sexiest moment.

Tiffany: Hi my great darkness. How are you?

Ted: Okay. In fact, you've dumped your loser of guy?

Tiffany: No, sir.

It returns to the counter.

Ted: She touched my nose.

Barney: Largue Tiffany and join the Barnacle in a buffet of girls pharma. There may be loss of clothing, knees b*rned, respiratory weakness and sore abs the next day. That the world give a damn five?!

Lily returned to the apartment while Marshall is sitting on the couch.

Marshall: I know you're having trouble dropping Scooter. I decided that you need training. And you say that the problem is his sad eyes? (He returns with a mini pig) Okay, shut up, woman. Now I want you to look this mini pig and you tell him it is impossible for you to be with him one day.

Lily: Mini Pig, it is impossible that I may one day with you. For now.

Marshall: Go! Be a man!

Lily: I'm sorry, but it is just so cute. I just want to cuddle him all day. Oh, yes.

Marshall: You know, it's funny. I remember when you told me stuff like that.

Lily: I still do.

Marshall: Not as much. Not as much.

Ted returns to McLaren's, where Barney is still there.

Barney: There's no nights like with pharma pharma because the nights never stop! Dude, I've flirted with three of them. The fantasy. In addition, my cholesterol is low. My restless legs syndrome is cured. I am more alive than ever.

He joined Robin, Marshall and Lily at their usual table.

Ted: Friends, good news. Tiffany broke up with her boyfriend. So I'm not the hook.

Robin: You're always on the hook.

Ted: Look what we did yesterday.

Flashback

Ted and Tiffany are sitting beside each other on the sofa.

Ted: First, it was spoiled. Then we shared a chocolate cake.Then, well, I did not used to join the discussions of changing rooms, but I made her a foot massage... rather sensual.

End flashback

Robin: And let me guess: it's not gone further than that.

Ted: Well, no, but...

Lily: And tell me, would you have accidentally made this chocolate cake?

Ted: It was a pre-made.

Lily: There's no shame to admit it. We were all hooked and we all hooked someone.

Ted: I've never done that.

Robin: Are you kidding? And this daughter of the university library? Henrietta?

Ted: Henrietta and I are just friends.

Robin: It is too much to your hook.

Ted: Absolutely not.

Ted (2030): Yes, completely. Finally...

Flashback

Ted (2030):... it was spoiled. We shared a chocolate cake. It made me long foot massages. I'm not proud of, children.

End flashback

Robin: You like to have Henrietta close for the same reason that Tiffany likes to have you close, it flatters the ego.

Ted: You amaze me that such an expert is to keep people on your hook. And this poor cameraman your job?

Robin: Mike and I are just friends.

Ted: Come on.

Flashback

Robin sits on the couch, eating a chocolate cake and a massage the feet.

Robin: Yeah, right.

Mike: You never thought to go to the next step with me?

Robin: If you mean to do my laundry, I'm starting lineup.

Mike: It's a deal.

End flashback

Robin: What! I do not keep Mike in my hook.

Ted: You're Captain Hook.

Robin: Dude, I'm a girl. Our female parts are like a cobweb.Sometimes you jokes of things you want to.

Ted: That's not why it's good.

Robin: And Henrietta, in any way, are not losing time with you, huh?

Ted: Henrietta knows we're just friends. In fact, I'll call and get away with it tonight, friends.

Ted arrives at Henrietta.

Henrietta: I love you. What? Want a foot massage? Because I'm driven on me.

Ted: No, that's fine.

Henrietta: I did not know if you were hungry, I did some stuff... Nothing special.

Ted (2030): Children, looking back, I do not know how I have not seen Henrietta was crazy about me.

Ted's phone rings.

Ted: Hello?

Tiffany: Hey Ted!

Ted: Hey Tiffany!

Tiffany: I go to the country this weekend at a friends wedding.Wanna be my cavalier?

Ted: I would love that. What are you doing here? Great. See you in 10 minutes. Super. Sorry, Henrietta, something unexpected.We redo it, my friend?

Henrietta: Yeah, it's not a concern.

Ted: It works, yeah.

Henrietta: You have the strength.

Ted expressed in Henrietta.

Ted (2030): What a jerk.

Mother of Henrietta: Wait. Where is Ted? I thought we would finally meet him.

Henrietta: An unexpected, okay, Mom?

Father: I told you there was not.

Henrietta: I heard.

Ted prepares the room.

Ted (2030): So there I was, at one of the surest signs to make a landing in a relationship: a country wedding. It finally came.

Tiffany between.

Ted: Champagne?

Tiffany: I forgot to call you.

Ted: Whatever it is, we can talk now.

Tiffany: This is Jack. This is the man at the wedding. We just get back together.

Ted: Now that I think a call would have been nice.

Jack: Is that you Ted? But I heard you were doing a great chocolate cake.

Tiffany: It is not great? And it is in a group. Thank you.

Marshall Lily always leads to drop Scooter.

Marshall: Come on, Lily. You must drop Scooter. Try it again.

Lily: Mini pig... I do not wanna be with you. For now.

Marshall: Act like a man!

Lily: Mini pig... I do not wanna be with you. Ever.

Marshall: Finish him!

Lily: It will never be together in any sexual way again.

Marshall: Well done. Weird thing to say to a pig.

Lily: Really bad.

Back in the hotel room with Ted and Tiffany...

Tiffany: Well, I do not think it will work out between us. For now.

Ted (2030): And that's when it hit me. I was at his hook. I also realized...

Tiffany: You've missed so much, baby.

Ted (2030): Tiffany was to hook this guy. It was a vicious circle.Henrietta was my hook. And years later I learned that this poor guy was on the hook of Henrietta.

Ted: You know what? That will not work between us... ever. I'm done. (He takes the jacket on the bed and hand) And that's really better for traffic if you weight the arch with your thumbs. Now I'm done.

Lily and Marshall arrive at the Ikea cafeteria 'school.

Lily: I can do it alone.

Marshall: So prove it. And... take me a pudding.

Lily: Listen, Scooter. There is no way we ever be together.

Marshall: Right now! I'm sorry but he is adorable.

Lily: Listen. I want to be with you.

Marshall: So far. Hang in there. I will not be eternal.

Robin and Barney are at McLaren's.

Barney: Yesterday I was with this girl so sexy that pharma should call a doctor if you have no erection for more than 4h. I have no reason people?

Robin: There is no one. Just the girl with whom you came out recently.

Woman: I want you to meet the latest arrival.

Woman 2: Nice to meet you. I represent statins and other cholesterol-lowering dr*gs.

Woman: Let's go have a drink.

Barney: It's over.

Robin: What?

Barney: The girls of pharma are more than gunnery. This is the end of an era.

Robin: You're a little dramatic.

Barney: Really? It starts with a Gladys. And suddenly, a few gay guys not so fabulous fall into the ranks. And before you know it, the girls look like pharma team to a Southwest flight to Albuquerque in Little Rock. It's over!

Ted (2030): So that night I went to live in Henrietta prepared to release it from my hook.

Ted knocks on the door in Henrietta. Something falls to the ground and he picks up.

Flashback

Tiffany: This is Jack. This is the man at the wedding.

Jack places his jacket on the bed where it was Ted.

Ted: I'm done.

Ted takes the jacket on the bed thinking it was hers.

End flashback

Henrietta opens the door and found Ted to his knees, a ring in hand.

Henrietta: The answer is yes!

Ted is in the apartment with Robin.

Ted: It's worse.

Flashback

Henrietta: This is perfect! Mom, Dad! Ted asked me to marry him!

Mother: I knew this would happen!

Father: My son!

Ted: Yeah, there was a...

End flashback

Robin: What did you do?

Ted: Honestly, I thought to marry him just out of sheer embarrassment. But I did the right thing. I did what anyone who has someone should hook her. I would have broken my heart.

Flashback

Ted: Henrietta, I'm sorry if it's brutal but I think you duty. I do not wanna be with you.

Henrietta: Right now?

Ted: Ever.

Henrietta: But we're still going to marry, does not it?

End flashback

Ted: It was violent.

Robin: Sorry, big guy. Honesty is hard, but ultimately it is the softer alternative. (Mike enters with the laundry basket) I must tell you something. You've finished the laundry fragile?

Mike: Another tour.

Robin: It can wait.

Ted and Robin are at the bar when Barney comes.

Robin: How are you?

Ted: You still broies black to the end of the era of the daughters of pharma?

Barney: I've realized that their reign had to stop to give way to a sexy new profession. It may be... communications officer in an intergalactic spaceship to a distant solar system that we can imagine. Maybe it will be... contract. It is not known. But one thing is certain. The future shines... as a huge sun throwing rays of orange light over our heads and our spirits.

Robin: Why change your mind?

Barney: The realization that hope springs eternal. Ca and the little purple pill box found in my bag. I do not know what they are, but they are amazing!

END