this is my brother Pete and this is my
dad
a guy who spends most of his free time
wondering well where did I go wrong over
the years he's tried his best to turn
Pete into a model son so you just go
with the grain in a circular motion and
soon the plan has not been all that
successful Pete's just Pete he can't
help it
whether he's collecting burps catching
bugs or staring into the electromagnetic
vortex of a lunar eclipse II there's
always been a certain Pete approach to
life that's the dad is never appreciated
even when Pete tries to please dad like
the time you put a high gloss finish on
the lawn for Father's Day
he just can't win
Pete knew they'd never be like other
fathers and sons building tree forts
together and fishing for smelt he didn't
really want that anyway all he wanted
was for dad to accept him for the Pete
he was I didn't think he had a chance I
mean you know our dads can be then on
one sunny Saturday morning not too far
from here something happened that
changed everything if you wanted to you
could call it a miracle
[Music]
you know
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
in the whole sloppy history of humankind
you'll find that the biggest movements
are caused by the stupidest little
things a Prime Minister accidentally
farts and whammo it's the Korean w*r in
the case of Pete and dad's miracle
friendship it all started with a
blacktop grudge match between my dad's
88 Dodge Aries and mr. hickel's
fuel-injected throttle jet 5000 some of
my fumes the Mirage they used to be
friends
but ever since the Bicentennial when
mister Hickel inadvertently melted our
birdbath the two of them started a feud
that's been building ever since the only
problem is mr. Hickel also happens to be
the father of my all-time best friend
Ellen Hickman
over the years we've tried to ignore
their feud but when we heard it was all
coming down to this one final race well
we had to take sides I pitched in by
drawing a map of the course while Ellen
did her part by making this perfect mr.
Hickel action figure to ride in the car
during the race how do I look honey it
was a true labor of love and soon they
grew closer than any father daughter and
action-figures should be as for Pete he
sculpted a stainless steel voodoo hood
ornament
but as usual his best wasn't good enough
for dad whose side are you on anyway
will this thing weigh me down it's
completely unaired dynamic I mean it
could cost me the race despite the
rejection Pete wasn't about to give up
yet not while he still had his own
personal superhero Artie the strongest
man in the world Pete never did trust
Phil Hickel much less to Phil Hickel
action figure and he knew if he could
dig up some dirt he could prove himself
to doubt once and for all
sure enough mr. Haeckel was up to no
good
secretly souping up his car with an
illegal overdrive button line transducer
grid with a terrible static overdrive
cheater man Wow I claim fell they do
agree with my clan it was the break Pete
had been waiting for cheaters never
prosper mr. Haeckel had left him with no
other choice with the big race just
hours away
there was only one course of action left
[Music]
sabotage the scene was set for a day of
reckoning my dad had been waiting for
for 16 years
I'm Don where's your manners
finally the big race was on
dad cranked his turbocharged v8 engine
to maximum thrust and quickly roared to
a commanding lead
don't mess with the best hello dad
[Music]
come on but as they turn the corner at
West platelet Avenue mr. Hickel hit the
button on his secret w*apon
[Music]
and the throttle jet surged ahead we
were the stick then just when dad seemed
dusted the results of beans sabotage
became beautifully clear
[Applause]
dad had one beats me Oh figures he
missed my big moment
they'll teach you to mess with my dad
[Music]
at our victory dinner that night dad
learned the truth about what Pete had
done I'd never seen him prouder not only
they won the race but his misfit son had
saved the day for me well I think you
both should go over the hickel's
tomorrow and return that Action Man to
Phil Ellen made it for him that's right
there's no reason for this to get out of
hand
let's all be adults about it and
attention attention we interrupt your
dinner to bring you a special
announcement talk about dirty tricks mr.
Haeckel knew her mom had a metal plate
in her head from an accident she had
when she was a kid and by broadcasting
at the right frequency he could transmit
radio messages using her plate like an
antenna and until I get the 695 dollars
and 65 cents you owe me for destroying
my car these broadcasts will continue
non-stop and now for a selection from
the hawaiian soldiers chorus
[Applause]
after a lifetime of having nothing in
common with dad Pete finally had a
chance to share his all-time favorite
hobby thanks in just 10 days
they built a command center NASA would
have k*lled for surveillance monitors
radar screens a satellite based infrared
camera and more that's Pete's idea
it automatically plus is a toilet and
pickles house you gets in the shower and
I don't like it either honey with no
other choice
shorty family we are in a state of w*r
and as such each member will be expected
to sign a loyalty poll that prohibits
among other things fraternizing with the
enemy dad Ellen is my best friend's was
your best friend
I won't sign it son I know it's hard but
but but think of your poor mother forced
to wear a helmet to muffle the constant
pounding of polka music it's not so bad
I don't know dad the maniac is playing
polka music son sweaty men and
lederhosen squeezing accordions we're
gonna stop them we're gonna have to do
it my way that's right I'm sorry son
Arwen don't be a wuss
[Music]
[Applause]
the ink wasn't even dry on my signature
before dad and Pete struck back with the
ultimate secret w*apon the plan was to
use Artie's superhuman strength to move
mr. heckles house to Saskatchewan but
because of a slight back spring he got
from lifting a brassiere Emporium the
week before Marty was able to budget one
inch even so the prank worked
beautifully
and with that one tiny little inch the
great prank w*r was officially underway
in the annals of modern history you'd
have to go back to the trench warfare of
World w*r one to find a battle as
fiercely fought as what became known as
the great prank w*r putting messes with
political
[Applause]
[Laughter]
[Applause]
wait and
[Music]
guitar solo
[Music]
take one's bag
as dad and Pete learned the meaning of
togetherness Ellen and I learned the
meaning of being apart I know it seems
stupid but he is my dad and I did
promise besides our every move was being
tracked by radar since we knew the pay
phones were tapped we had to communicate
by dropping off secret letters with
crossing guard
Kenneth G Keegan a man who had seen
maybe one too many spy movies okay okay
I've got it memorized the plan had been
for Ken to simply deliver the notes but
he had his own ideas it was a little
difficult at first
dear-dear auto-peep
but after a few days he got the hang of
it dear Pete I couldn't
I couldn't stop I couldn't stop thinking
about you yesterday
[Music]
Hot Stuff we're just friends
sure forget our family's
self-destructing I wanted the prank w*r
to end so Ken would stop winking at me
unfortunately it showed no signs of
cooling down
ready
my dad's a mouse Pete a total mess all
he cares about is revenge I don't know
him anymore I hate to say it but I think
the only thing we ever had in common was
a stupid action figure I know he expects
me to be a good loyal daughter but too
bad this w*r has got to end
Ellen Ellen it's your daddy I'd like to
speak to you for a second I don't know
if it'll work but I've started giving
him the silent treatment Ellen I know
you're in there
I just can't take it anymore I don't
know if you miss me but but I I miss you
I really really miss you Pete
thanks Ken
[Music]
I walked to him faster than usual that
data do my stupid shift in the w*r room
I guess I was hoping I catch a glimpse
of Ellen
hi honey after your French horn lessons
Ellen Josephine Hickel what have I done
when I saw her I knew who I had to be
loyal to and it wasn't dad or P I miss
you too Ella
what was that nothing
Pete I can't take this anymore you've
got to call it off
no can do comrade I know why you're
doing this it's dad isn't it you're
afraid that if the w*r ends your
friendship will end too so I know how
you feel Pete but this can't last
forever things have to go back to normal
why you know why you're not gonna end
this I will
[Music]
Hey hi hi
did you get a haircut yeah do you like
it okay what about the w*r that's what I
want to talk to you about how's the
silent treatment working it's been hard
but I think it's finally getting to him
I know you're out there listen to me
this dude has gone far enough
I surrender it's over done you win I'll
tear up the bill I'll turn off the music
I'll forget about everything
I'm asking you to do is just give me
back my action figure
I'm sending over the car right now just
buckle him in the seat and I'll do the
rest I don't know what this w*r has done
to your family but between you and me
it's tearing my nap art please done my
daughter made that action figure for me
it means a lot to us I need it back
I need hardback
please don
[Music]
with the fate of the prank w*r entirely
in his hands peep made a command
decision if Phil Hickel wanted his
action figure back that much he'd gladly
give it to him along with a little added
surprise as we were all about to find
out the w*r wasn't over until Pete said
it was over
heads up shorty
[Music]
sir we've got conditioned Iranian man
the battle stations
switched octillery life support
[Music]
oops that flame hole up to dad was
suspicious first but when Pete played
back the surveillance tape it's overdone
you when he knew they had won the w*r we
did a son we showed that clam dip you
can't mess we're the best tool Pete's
fiendish scheme was going perfectly
dad didn't suspect a thing so long
shorty drive safely
yeah buddy unit there's not heavier than
I remember
oh my god
surrendered I mean he's at our mercy if
we double-crossed now if this work going
forever
exactly
are you nuts we won it's all over son
didn't do it me started they'll thank me
for this someday
[Music]
[Applause]
listen to me Pete I control you've got
to put it into this before it's too late
you're absolutely right son yeah come on
everybody
you too mister let's go we've got to
stop that car suddenly it was the big
race all over again only this time dad
had warned his mind and revenge
[Music]
stop in the name of love
Oh
I can't
halfway to the hickel's on Sahara Lake
Avenue there was shattered from 14
straight days of Sonic assaults
[Music]
it's almost over
[Music]
you're almost Tom
[Music]
Hills
[Applause]
[Music]
holding a double-cross unfilled Hickel
[Music]
[Music]
what's a lousy watch huh Don are you
okay yeah what told us about a booby
trap well that's what I like to know
Phil it had all been a trick a fake-out
to end all fake outs Pete knew the only
way the feud would end for good was if
data mr. Hickel came together and became
friends again
even though it might mean losing his own
friendship with dad
Pete had to end the w*r his way the Pete
way suddenly dad understood everything
[Music]
all the trick wasn't there to get me and
mr. Hickey friends again well son uh it
work I mean I got an amateur you you did
all right well now we can get things
back to normal around here well you know
almost normal in order
looks like you might need some new
eyebrows and the new face
that's pretty much the whole story
Artie move the house back to where it
belonged
Ellen and I vowed to never let anyone
keep us apart ever again and mom she let
mr. Hickel know there were really no
hard feelings as for Pete and dad well
they might have lost the one thing they
had in common
now that the w*r was over but in the end
at least they found each other
[Music]
[Music]
00x04 - Apocalypse Pete
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Centers around two brothers, both named Pete Wrigley, and their humorous and surreal adventures in suburbia among their equally eccentric friends, enemies, and neighbors.
Centers around two brothers, both named Pete Wrigley, and their humorous and surreal adventures in suburbia among their equally eccentric friends, enemies, and neighbors.