01x06 - The Sushi Sitter/Cheer Beast

[bunniefuu]

[exciting music]

- ♪ Oh here we go up the tubes ♪

♪ Fighting crime is what we do ♪

♪ A superhero and his sidekick with a plan ♪

- He has a plan!

- ♪ Who's the one behind the mask ♪

♪ Who can move superfast? ♪

♪ It's Kid Danger... ♪ - And look!

- ♪ It's Captain Man ♪

- ♪ So come along ♪ - Come along!

- ♪ It's the adventures of Kid Danger ♪

♪ ♪

♪ This is the song ♪ - This is the song!

- ♪ For the adventures of Kid Danger ♪

♪ ♪

- ♪ I'm okay ♪

- Feels good.

[bell ringing, cheering]

- Yeah! School is over for the day.

Yeah! [shrieks]

Oh, no!

My wheels!

Someone jacked my skateboard wheels.

[gasps]

Hey, Mitch, where'd you get

those wheels on your big sandwich?

- What are you, the wheel police?

[laughing]

- [sighs]

[groans] I'll just call Ray.

[phone ringing]

- Ray Manchester.

- Hey, will you come pick me up at school?

- No. I'm working. Bye.

- But--wait-- Aw, man...

How am I supposed to get to work now?

- Call a Zipr car, dummy. - Ow!

Oh yeah, Zipr car.

And pick me up. Heh.

[tires screech]

- Zipr car for Henry. - What? Ray?

- Get in! Hurry, hurry! You're costing me money.

- Okay, okay, all right. Wait.

Dude, why are you driving the Zipr car?

- To make extra money so I can buy

one of them super cool, new Japanese toilets.

- Okay, who cares about Japanese toilets?

- Your butt will, that's who'll care.

Your butt.

[tires screech]

[gasps] Big Time Flush!

[cars honking]

[crashing, coins jingle, screaming]

Here we are.

- We're at a toilet store.

- [sighs] There it is. You see it?

It's the Sushi Sitter.

- The Sushi-- - Say it carefully.

- The Sushi Sit-ter.

- Yes, yes, yes!

It's the number one toilet in the world.

- Why, what's it do? - What doesn't it do?

It auto-flushes, it's self-cleaning,

it has a seat warmer, and Bluetooth.

It even has a camera and a back-up camera.

And--are you ready for this?

- I don't know, for what?

- It makes sushi! While sitting!

- Shut up!

- I can't shut up 'cause I speak the truth.

Look, look at Jon Lovitz trying it out right now.

- Oh, my goodness. Sushi!

I Lovitz!

- So, you going to buy this toilet?

- No! I just came in for the sushi.

- Oh.Typical.

- Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

- Hey, you!

Mr. You!

- Me? - Yeah, you!

Come into my store and try out the Sushi Sitter.

- Henry, did you hear that?

He invited me to do a test sit,

and I'm going to test--

[phone buzzes] Whoa!

Aw, dang it.

Another passenger.

- Well, you better hurry before you--

- [stammering] No, you go pick him up.

- Me? Why should I have to--

- Please! Please do this for me!

- But I don't have a driver's license.

- Neither do I! Now will you do it?

- Well, yeah, I guess I can-- Agh!

- [excited chittering]

- Come! Come inside and sit upon my toilet.

- Okay!

- Okay! Pick up passenger.

[metal screeching]

Ah, hey, watch it, c'mon, learn how to park, jeez.

Oops, okay.

Gibby Gibson.

- Oh, my gosh! You're that kid from "iCarly"!

- Yeah, just drive, boy!

- Yeah, sure beans!

[distant police sirens]

Hey, look at that. It's the cops.

I better pull over.

- You just keep driving.

- [gasps]Gibby.

What would iCarly say?

- I'm not Gibby.

Ha-ha!

- Drill Finger.

- That's right! And I just stole

two sacks of gold.

Now drive or I drill!

[drill whirs]

- Dang, dude. Why are you such an evil dentist?

- Well, it all started when I was a child.

My mother had to work,

so no one taught me how to floss.

- Okay, I don't need the whole story.

- All right, well, robbing gold stores

is the only thing that makes me happy.

- See, that's all I needed to know.

[cars zoom, police sirens wail]

- Pull over!

[police sirens wail]

- Oh, great, now there's five cop cars chasing us.

And a helicopter!

[sirens wailing]

- You just shut your face hole and turn on some chase music.

- Okay, okay.

[engine revs]

[chase music]

[chair vibrating]

- Oh, wow!

I love how it vibrates.

Oh, and this sushi.

Ooh, mommy!

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, what do you want to try next,

the car mode or the TV?

- Ooh, the TV! - Okay.

Move your legs wider.

- Uhh... Okay.

[laughing] It's a real TV.

- And now, back to the car chase.

- Oh, wow, it's a car chase.

My friend, Henry-- he's a teenage boy--

we love car chases.

It's kind of our thing. [laughing]

- Yeah, yeah, okay, sure, whatever you say.

I don't judge.

- And, uh, oh, there he is, the driver.

- Oh, my gosh,Henry?

And he's driving Drill Finger!

- Oh, how interesting. You want to buy the toilet?

- Not now! I got to go help my friend.

Ahh! I don't have a car!

Then how am I going to-- ooh.

Car Mode.

[electronics whir]

[engine revs]

Groovy.

- Hey, now, you cannot take this

on the road unless you buy it first.

- I'll buy it later. Right now I got to go

help Henry!

[glass shatters]

- I hate toilet thieves! Andale, andale!

- Well, it's time for super me.

Wha--gah!

Dang gommit!

[groans, water splashing]

[engine revs]

- Hey, Mr. You! Bring back my special toilet!

[police sirens wailing]

- Will you turn down that music?

- Why?

- I'm trying to watch our car chase on the news.

- And here's what we know about the driver

who's being chased by police.

His name is Henry Hart

and apparently he's a boy. - Apparently?

- Oh, and this just in, Henry Hart does not

have his driver's license yet. - Oh, my!

- You don't have a driver's license?

That is so illegal.

- Oh, look who's talking, the drill fingered freak

who just stole two sacks of gold.

- Shut your cavity hole. - No.

I've never had a cavity... hole.

But I will call the cops

and tell them about you.

- Hah! Not if I nummin' your face.

With numma-caine!

- Numma-caine? But why would you--

- Swellview police department.

- Hello, I'm being held-- [incoherent speech]

- I can't understand you, so I'm going to hang up.

- Aw...

- Now just drive! Fast!

[police sirens wails]

- And it appears the driver is heading for Bordertown.

A terrible city full of garbage and filthy people.

- I grew up in Bordertown!

- Which is why you're gross.

- Ah, jeez, I got to stop Drill Finger before

he and Henry make it to Bordertown...

Which is filthy!

Hmm...

Shortcut to Bordertown...

Ooh...

Off road...

[mechanical whirring]

[toilet flushes]

[police sirens wailing]

- Hurry! We've got to make it to Bordertown.

[drill whirs]

- Okay! You don't have to yell at me.

[engine revs, police sirens wail]

- All right, there's Henry.

And there's a speeding train.

Okay, all I have to do now is get across those tracks

before that train comes.

Okay, if a Japanese toilet with one passenger

is traveling East at miles per hour

and a speeding train is traveling--dah!

Stupid math!

[engine revs]

[police sirens wail]

Aw, yeah, I'm going to make it!

This proves that math is totally unnecessary!

'Cause I got plenty of-- [screaming]

[crashing]

Well, that could have been a lot worse.

[metal creaking, screaming]

- Don't worry, kids, Engineer Ted's got a parachute.

- Hah! We're going to make it!

- Don't touch me!

[screaming]

[thuds]

- Whose butt is that?

[tires screeching, screaming]

[thunderous crashing]

- Henry!

Henry, can you hear me, son?

- Stop, please stop shaking me.

[police sirens wailing] - Hold it right there!

- Freeze!

[drill whirs] - Hello?

Could someone help me breathe?

- Good work, Captain Man,

using that train to stop the car chase

and catch Drill Finger.

- Right. That was... always my plan.

- And you're under arrest. Hands behind your back.

- Wha--but, why are you arresting me?

- Hey! Don't try to use your teen slang on us.

- Why are you arresting this boy?

- For driving while underage.

- And without a license.

- But I'm a victim!

- Oh, sorry. [all grunting]

[gasps]

[crying] My special toilet!

[sobbing] My precious toilet.

- Hey, kid...

Look there. - Look whe--

Oh, you mean the toilet.

- Exactly, c'mon. Piggy my back.

- Okay!

- Ooh! Rocket mode, hah!

[jet engine roars]

both: Whoo-hoo! - Yeah!

- Rocket toilet!

- Hey! Get off my toilet!

- Uh, can't hear you, so bye!

- Bye!

- Look, a toilet rainbow! - How pretty.

- C'mon, try and bite me.

- [roars] - Missed me!

- [roars] - Missed me again!

- Careful, man, that plant bites hard.

- Heh, I ain't afeared.

[groaning]

I should have been afeared.

- Hey! Drop him.

- [whistling]

- Move! I am in a huff.

- That's not how you open it.

- Don't touch the-- [thuds, groans]

- Okay... , , ...

A roll of quarters, ...

- Piper. - What?

Piper. Hey, Piper. - What? What!?

- Why are you trying to steal money?

- Because! I tried out for the cheer squad today

and those cheerwads rejected me.

- Why? Don't you have enough spirit?

- Yah, judo! - [screaming]

[gas ignites] - [screaming]

That tickles! [laughs]

- Okay, now that Jasper's head's been toasted,

just tell me what happened.

- Well, after school, I went to the cheer squad tryouts

and it was not a good experience.

- Okay, next is, like, literally Piper Hart.

- Hup! Cheer I come!

- Okay, like, wow us with your cheering.

- KK!

Football, football, oval and brown.

It can help you make a touchdown!

- Oh, my God, stop.

- What, what, what?

- You have to do it with Marcy on your shoulders.

- Oh... Well, who's Marcy?

[ground quakes]

- Hello!

- Okay. Football, football, oval and brown.

It can help you make a touchdown.

[yelps]

[groans] Did I make the squad?

There, now you know the backstory.

- But wait, why do you need money?

- So I can join a gym or buy some workout weights

or something. - Why?

- [sighs] Were you not paying attention

during the flashback?

If I want to make the cheer squad,

then I got to get stronger so I can carry Marcy.

- [laughing] Hey, little girl.

You want to get strong and fit? - I do!

- And do you like that super good-looking

superhero Captain Man?

- Shoosh, yeah!

- Then I have just the thing for you.

Don't move.

[panting]

[button chimes]

[metal screeching]

[gas depressurizing]

Well, hello...

[elevator dings]

[panting]

What do you think of this?

- Aww, no, dude, is that the--

- The Captain Man Body Box!

- Wow! Hey, Ray, has anyone

ever told you you look a lot like Captain Man--

[painful grunt] We'll be fine.

- What's the Captain Man Body Box?

- It's a-- - Failure.

- It was only a failure

due to a poor marketing strategy.

- And lawsuits.

- No! Thirteen lawsuits.

That old lady dropped hers.

- 'Cause she passed away! - A win is a win.

- I want to know how Captain Man's Body Box works!

- Then I'll show you.

Okay, open the box, take it out,

toss it to the girl.

Ooh! And look! Here's a workout DVD

starring the great Captain Man.

- Who still uses DVDs?

- Lot of people, lot of people still use DVDs.

They're still relevant.

- What's in this bottle?

- Ah! That's the magic fitness juice.

You just twist off this cap...

- Clockwise or counter clockwise?

I'll kick myself. [grunts]

- Now, you just take one big sip

of fitness juice every day, promise not to sue me,

and boom! You'll be fit as a freak in a week!

- Perfect! How much does it cost?

- Ehh... How much you got?

- and a roll of quarters.

- Sold!

- Thanks, Henry's boss!Move!

[giggling]

- Look who just made dollaroonies.

and a roll of quarters.

- That's the money she took out of our cash register.

- [aggravated gibberish]

Squat and spread.

both: Squat and spread.

Squat and spread.

Squat and spread.

- And! Stop! - And stop.

- Now, it's time to take a big swig

of Captain Man's Magic Fitness Juice.

Swig along with me!

- Sure, I'll swig.

both: [refreshed sighs]

- Hiya, Piper! - What up, Pipes?

- Look! I'm working out! The Captain Man way.

- Aw, who cares? Henry, will you put away

the fruits? - Fruits away!

- Ooh, yay, grapes! Thanks, Mom!

- [laughs] Okay.

- Ugh!

- Gah!

- Mom, I asked for seedless grapes!

- Well, they were out of them.

- But-- - Just wait!

I need to go to my room for seconds

and then I'll come back.

- [angry panting]

- It's okay, Piper.

- It's not okay! I'm furious, I'm mad,

and angry and perturbed!

- Okay, that's enough synonyms.

- [abrupt gasps] - Oh, uh, what...

I-I-I--uh, what is ha--

Piper! Piper! Piper! What are you--what are you--

- [stressed grunting]

I'm not okay!

- [screaming]

[stammering]

Why are you all p-purple and--

- Hey, Henry, want to come

to the football game with me?

We can watch the cheerleaders.

- [snarling]

Cheerleaders.

- Whoa! Hey, Piper. Did you change your hair?

[wood smashing]

- [angry snarling]

- Jasper, run! - Okay!

- [snarling, wood crashing]

[screaming]

- , , , ...And...

[gasps]

Henry Hart!

- Uh, I'll go find the kitchen repair man.

[glass shatters]

- Ray, hey, Ray, it's me.

- Hiya, Henry!

- My little sister's a beast!

- Well, I'd never say that

to your face but... yeah, kind of--

- No! She literally turned into a real monster.

- What? When?

- Right after she was doing

your Captain Man Body Box workout!

- Uh-oh...

Did your sister drink some of Captain Man's

Magic Body Box Juice?

- Well, yeah. Wha--what's wrong with the juice?

- Well, okay, see, one of the ingredients

in the juice is my own sweat.

- Your sweat? - Yeah!

My sweat has powers. It helps people get strong.

- Yeah. Until they get angry about something.

That's when it makes people turn into

a vile, vicious beast!

- [stammering] Oh! That only happens

maybe % of the time.

- Gah! Where is your sister the beast right now?

- [stammering] I think she went to

the football game at my school, probably because

she's mad at the cheerleaders

for not putting her on the cheer squad.

- Okay! We will meet you at the football game.

- No! I just took off my shoes.

- This is important! Meet me at

the football field. - All right!

But I am not wearing shoes. - I am not wearing underpants.

[laughs]

- Ah, Schwa-- same.

- Okay, we're deep in the fourth quarter

and its Swellview , Rivalton .

- Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut, hut! Ooh...

[grunting]

- Here, take my ball.

[thudding] - Elbow!

[crowd oohs]

- Ooh! Well, it looks like

Swellview's going to need a miracle--

- [snarling]

[agitated snarling]

[panicked gasps]

- Oh. My. Garb.

[roaring]

- [screams]

[thuds]

- [satisfied ooh] Better.

[blows landing, screams]

- [roaring]

[blows landing]

- Well, this game is finally getting interesting

because an unidentified purple beast in a skirt

is stomping on random players.

- What's wrong with Piper?

- She's all purple and whatever.

- [snarling]

[all screaming]

- No! I'm chat-snapping!

- Stomp you!

- Oh, no!

- Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!

Lot of glass in that parking lot.

- I told you to wear shoes.

- Look! Piper's gone insane!

- [snarling]

- Hurry! Chew your gums, blow your bubbles,

and do something!

- Right! - [deep sigh] Okay...

[upbeat music]

both: [chewing]

- Now, how do we stop my sister?

- With this!

- What? No. No, no, no, no, no.

She's still my little sister, dude.

- Little? Look that way, Henry.

She's a monstrous beast. - [shrieking]

- Oh, she's throwing those cheerleaders.

- Well, then, let's catch those cheerleaders.

- Good point! [screaming]

- Gotcha.

- Like, ow...

[distant screaming]

[clumsy oboe playing]

- Gah!

- You're safe now.

- Yet I'm broken.

- [screams]

- Hi, you must be Marcy.

Oh. Oh, no.

- Kid! This is no time

to play cheerleader on my shoulder.

- Is there a right time?

- No, no, dude, not by my head. - C'mon...

- Ow, ow!

- Oh, well, with only seconds left

and down by a points,

it seems unlikely that Swellview

can pull off a victory.

- [snarling]

- Hi, my name's Trent. What's yours--

[fists pummeling]

Holy sports!

[buzzer blares] Swellview wins the game!

- [triumphant snarling]

[crowd cheering]

- b*at 'em high! b*at 'em low!

Victory!

all: Piper! Piper! Piper!

- [stammering] No!

[screaming]

- Hello, my name is-- Aah!

I'm being taken!

[car alarms blaring]

- Should we go after her?

- Nah, some stories are better left with flimsy endings.

- Amen.

[laughter]

[exciting music]

♪ ♪

[bell dings] - Mmm!