[instrumental music]
Dad, are we rich?
(Tom)
'Um, I guess that depends on
how you look at it.'
Well, how do we look at it?
When it comes to money,
we manage to scrape by.
We have more than many people
and less than some.
Oh, so you mean, I get more
allowance than Kenny P Landers
but less than Marvin.
That's it, Nicholas.
You got it.
But are we rich?
Well, riches are not just
having money, Nicholas.
But we're rich in other ways.
Oh, you mean, it's checks
and credit cards.
Oh, no, Nicholas.
I meant more lasting things.
Just having a family.
Being able to be together.
That's worth more than
gold or diamonds.
- It is?
- Yeah, it is.
Oh, then we are rich.
I feel that we are.
I'm glad you feel that way.
Now can we talk about
this great sale
they're having on dirt bikes?
Look at this one.
[instrumental music]
[theme music]
♪ There's a magic in
the early morning we've found ♪
♪ When the sunrise smiles
on everything around ♪
♪ It's a portrait
of the happiness that ♪
♪ We feel and always will ♪
♪ Eight is enough to fill
our lives with love ♪
♪ Oh we spend our days like
bright and shiny new dimes ♪
♪ If we're ever puzzled
by the changing times ♪
♪ There's a plate of
homemade wishes ♪
♪ On the kitchen window sill ♪
♪ And eight is enough ♪
♪ To fill our lives with love ♪♪
[instrumental music]
(Tom)
'Well, just how temporary
is temporary?'
Donna will be back in
three weeks, Mr. Bradford
and I know I'll serve you
as efficiently as she does.
- Unless..
- Unless what, Mrs. Pennington?
Unless you need me
to take short hand.
Short hand? Oh, no, no,
I-I wouldn't expect my secretary
to take short hand.
Donna would k*ll me. Ha-ha.
You're very understanding,
Mr. Bradford.
Oh, well, well trained
is really the word.
And you're much more dashing
than I thought you'd be.
Dashing?
'I had your pictured as'
more literary, a man of words.
You strike me
as a man of action.
Action?
Oh, I don't think..
I-I have a lot of work to do.
- Um, can I get you coffee?
- 'Don't bother.'
[telephone ringing]
I'll get it.
Hello?, Oh, David,
thanks for calling.
I, uh, well, I'll-I'll
tell you later.
Yeah, that, that
sounds important, son.
I'd love to talk to you,
talk to you abou-about..
Yeah, well, uh, let's do that,
uh, no, no, not here.
Ah, hi. Yeah, we'll,
we'll talk about it at home.
I'm gonna do the rest
of my work there.
I'll see you there
in about a half an hour.
Uh, yeah, bye-bye, David.
- We're working at your home?
- Eh, no, I am.
I'll need you here
to take messages.
Oh, that's too bad.
When will I see you again?
Ah, th-that will be
one of the messages.
Oh..
[instrumental music]
[engine revving]
(David)
'I still don't know about this.'
(Janet)
'What other alternatives
do you have?'
It may take months before
there's money for new buildings
if Bradford constructions
is going to survive
you have to go after
the home remodeling market.
Yeah, but it's a real come down
after building your own houses.
Yeah, I know, but it'll keep you
going till the upturn comes.
I just don't want us
to claim bankruptcy.
What is that doing here?
[birds chirping]
You mean,
what's he doing here?
- 'You know him?'
- 'Yeah, that's Joe Simons .'
Wait, I've heard about him.
He's the one who saved
Nicholas's life.
Yeah, I guess
you could say that.
When, Nicholas ran away
to San Diego, Joe took him in
and eventually brought him
home to us.
- But, not in a limousine.
- 'Well, how?'
'Uh, they hitchhiked.'
Well, I would say his fortunes
have changed a bit.
Yeah, I can't believe it.
Hey, Joe.
- 'Joe, is that really you?'
- David.
By golly, that's David,
isn't it?
Good to see you. I'd like you
to meet my wife, Janet.
- Oh, how do you do, ma'am?
- Well, how do you do?
Joe Simons.
For Pete's sakes, Joe,
welcome to Sacramento.
Hello, Mr. Bradford.
Oh, boy , it's good to see you.
Wait till Nicholas finds out
you're here.
Wait till I see him.
You'll never guess what
I've brought that boy.
Gold?
- That's right, Nicholas, gold.
- Wow.
(Tom)
Well, just where is this
gold mine of yours, Joe?
Where fate led me, Mr. Bradford.
Up in the Yukon.
Just like you said
it would be.
That's right, Nicholas.
Joe, I don't understand
something.
Um, the last time that we heard
you went to Hawaii,
not to Yukon.
Right, uh, I took
a little detour.
You had to consult
with my geologist
then I headed north
and found The Lucky Nick mine.
The Lucky Nick?
Uh, named after my partner
and inspiration here.
Uh, what part of Yukon, Joe?
Way up there. In the north part
and it's cold up there
that's why I had
to come down here.
Oh, that and...this.
- There you are, son.
- What's this?
That's the partnership papers
that says, you own
seven and one half percent
of The Lucky Nick mine.
'Sort of a, a finders fee.'
Thanks, Joe. But I didn't find
the gold mine, you did.
Well, I'd have never looked for
it, if it hadn't been for you.
That's very generous
of you, Mr. Simons.
Well, some people
might say that.
When the profits start rolling
in, which would be any day now.
The wealth involved
could be untold.
[chuckles]
You sure have grown, son.
It's been too long.
Yup, but I never forgot
what you taught me.
Oh, you mean about always being
polite and minding your elders.
Nope, I mean about three
of a kind beats two pair
and never con a con.
[laughing]
[instrumental music]
[laughing]
Joe Simons found a gold mine,
I found Nirvana.
I know it's a little
hard to believe
but-but he's delightful.
Oh, yeah, he's delightful,
alright.
I just hope he's not
up to something.
Well, why would he be
up to something?
Well, you never heard
what the San Diego police
told me about Joe Simons.
Apparently the only trustworthy
thing he ever did
in his whole life was when
he brought Nicholas home.
[chuckles]
Uh, can we forget about
Joe for a second
and talk about our problem?
Oh, right, since no one's
giving David a gold mine
we need some financial advice.
Oh, yeah, sure, what's up?
Oh, well my attorney here,
talked me into
going after some
remodelling jobs.
Uh, that means, we have
to advertise to the public.
Do you think we can afford a-a
little campaign in The Register?
Well, uh, how much money
do you have available?
Well, we'd have to start with
a few hundred dollars and, uh..
You know if it paid off,
we'd keep it up.
Yeah, I don't know that much
about advertising
but I can put you
in touch with, Bob LaRoy.
Uh, excuse me, dad, there's
somebody for you at the door.
Oh, for me? Who is it?
Uh, Mrs. Pennington,
from the office.
She's here?
Well, that's highly irregular.
Um, she said
it was an emergency.
Oh, well, I better see
what she wants.
Dad, what about Bob LaRoy?
Oh, yeah, well he's our
advertising manager.
I know he'd be very happy
to help you.
I'll be right back
and we'll discuss it.
Excuse me.
Hey what's all this
about advertising?
Oh, I'm just considering,
uh, you know
a little campaign to dad's paper
for Bradford Constructions.
- Really?
- Yeah.
You're kidding.
He's serious enough
to appropriate
our entertainment budget
and our savings from the last--
Hey, you mean, you'd spend
money on a newspaper ad
when dad can get you
on television.
We can't afford television.
Sure you can.
You got a sister
in the business.
Uh, he said the message
was important.
Oh, very important,
Mr. Bradford.
That's why I'm here.
Here, I wrote down his name.
Oh, well, Mrs. Pennington,
I can't read your writing.
Oh, let me help you.
- Um, its from Dr. Meglet.
- Dr. Meglet.
Meglet? I don't know
who that is.
Something like that.
I believe its Gregory Meglet.
Could the, uh,
Meglet possibly be, Maxwell?
Possibly. He said he had
to cancel the appointment.
Should I call another doctor?
We must protect
your health now, mustn't we?
No, no, please, don't bother.
This appointment
was to play tennis.
Oh, tennis.
I knew there was a reason
that you looked so vigorous.
Maybe, you and I
could play sometime.
- Abby.
- Who's Abby?
Abby is my wife,
I'd like you to meet her.
I have a wife
and eight children.
Oh, you are vigorous.
Abby!
Children!
What was that?
Oh, that was just
dad yelling.
- You'll get used to it.
- Oh.
Did they find
your reservation?
Not yet, Nicholas.
I don't understand that hotel.
Oh, now what am I gonna do?
[sighs]
Well, maybe you can spend
the night with us.
Gee, I never thought of that.
Oh, no, you already
got a full house.
I couldn't put you out.
But you took me in, Joe,
when I ran away.
You might just mention
that to your father.
Dad, I want Joe
to spend the night here.
Well, that might not be easy,
Nicholas.
See, uh, I'd have to cancel
my appointment
'with my stock broker.'
Dad, can't Grandpa Joe
spend the night here, please?
Well, we don't want
Joe to cancel any
important appointments,
right, Nicholas?
Well, on the other hand..
[laughs]
What's money compared
to disappointing my
adopted grandson?
We'd love to have you, Joe.
- Oh, thank you, ma'am.
- Thanks, Abby.
Come on, Joe, we'll go make
your bed on the stream flush.
- I hope this isn't a mistake.
- We owe him a lot.
Yeah, but I owe this family
a little basic protection, too.
I mean, that story of Joe's
about the gold mine
is, uh, a little questionable.
I'd be more than a fool
to accept him at face value.
First you think, Mrs. Pennington
is after your virtue.
And now you think that
Joe is after your money.
I think you're
getting paranoid.
I heard about it
in a staff meeting?
Channel has a new
spot package that is perfect
for the beginning advertiser.
You know, you can buy time
on the midnight movie
for less than you can
on the newspaper.
Yeah, but how many
insomniacs
are into getting their
bathrooms remodeled?
Oh, David, that's not
the point.
A few inches of newsprint,
its boring.
But with seconds of
dramatic television
you could really
make an impression.
[sighs]
I don't know, Joannie.
What would I say on television?
[chuckles]
Ah, it's the least
of your worries.
- Leave that to me.
- 'You?'
Yeah, I'll write, produce
and direct your commercial.
[sighs]
I don't know, Joannie.
Oh, David, I would work
real hard.
Nah, it's a big gamble,
with my money and Janet's.
Oh, no-no, I'm not gonna
charge you anything.
Well, Joannie does know drama.
What does that got
to do with commercials?
Oh, well, um, commercials are
like little plays, sort of.
[sighs]
Okay, okay,
I'll think about that.
Oh, David, thank you.
[crickets chirping]
(Tom)
'Paranoid, am I?'
I just called the hotel,
they never heard of Joe Simons.
There's no chauffer
there waiting for him.
Obviously,
there's no gold mine.
And obviously,
I was right.
That old rascal
is setting us up.
[dramatic music]
[instrumental music]
No, I don't wanna tell you
the "Huff And Puff" story.
Why not? It's one of
my favorites.
It's a baby story,
I don't like it anymore.
[crickets chirping]
I got a better one.
It's about pirates.
- Space Pirates.
- Oh, okay.
You tell me about
space pirates.
First you tell me
about our gold mine.
When am I gonna get to see it?
Oh, we're gonna have
to wait till summer
when them icebergs melt.
Then will you take me?
Well, if your dad
lets you go?
Will we camp out again
and eat grub?
Oh, sure.
I don't mind eating grub, just
as long as we take some food.
Hmm.
You know something, Joe?
I met my real grandfather
this summer.
I mean, it's great,
now I've got two of you.
Well, I'm real happy
for you, Nicholas.
What's your real grandpa like?
Well, he's neat.
His name is Matt.
And he builds
a pretty good sand castle.
[crickets chirping]
He does, huh?
But not as good
as yours, Joe.
In fact,
he's a good grandpa.
But not as good a friend.
[instrumental music]
[yawns]
- I better tuck you in.
- Yeah.
[clears throat]
Ahh..
- Umm.
- There.
- Abby, I know what he's up to?
- Who?
Joe Simons,
I just figured it out.
He's here to sell us stock,
in the Lucky Nick Gold Mine.
Do you really believe that?
Yes, it's a classic con.
He arrives here,
pretending to be rich.
Then he gives Nicholas an
interest in his little gold mine
to gain our gratitude,
then he lets us buy in
on the bonanza for as much as
he can chisel us out of.
Tom, that's so cynical.
Oh, no, you don't know
how this guys lives.
You never met
any of his shady cohorts.
If he's as bad as you think,
it could break Nicholas's heart.
He won't have a chance, 'cause
I'm gonna stop him tonight.
How?
I'm going to trick him into
exposing his little scheme.
- You?
- Me.
I'll sting the stinger.
[dramatic music]
- Mr. Joe Simons.
- Oh-ho, Mr. Bradford.
I was just checking this
refrigerator door.
Somebody left it ajar.
Oh, for Pete's sakes, well
that was very thoughtful of you.
Thank you.
Ah, listen as long
as it's open, would you, uh..
...care to join me,
in a sandwich?
Oh, no thanks. Not hungry.
Oh, that's too bad.
[clears throat]
Well, I always like
to be sociable.
Good, good.
[chuckles]
[sighs]
You know, I've been meaning
to thank you
for your most generous gift
to Nicholas.
Don't mention it.
Wish I had a mines
to share with that boy.
He's a special one,
Mr. Bradford.
Yes, that he is,
Mr. Simons. That he is.
You know, um, I was thinking,
the way, uh..
...gold is going these
days...well, uh..
...just having one gold mine
must be quite a responsibility.
Oh-ho, keeps me
hopping alright.
Yes, what and with all those,
financial responsibilities
and management responsibilities
it must be a
whole new world for you.
- I'm learning, Mr. Bradford.
- Good, good.
You're probably
looking for some, uh
experienced businessman
to help, guide you
in your efforts.
Well..
No, I don't mean to take
advantage of our friendship
or our mutual regard
for Nicholas.
[sighs]
But it occurred to me that
you could probably use
some, investors.
- Investors?
- 'Yes.'
Men who might share
the financial risks
and management responsibilities
and of course
share in the eventual rewards.
'As minor partners, of course.'
Are you, um, saying
you'd like to buy some stock
in the Lucky Nick Mine?
Yes, not only me, I thought
maybe I could interest
some of my friends in investing.
'If you could just
put in writing'
exactly what your stock offers
I would be very happy
to submit it to them.
I'm sorry Mr. Bradford, I'd
never sell stock in that mine.
Never.
I've waited too long,
means too much to me
and to Nicholas,
I wouldn't think of it.
[dramatic music]
(David)
'Oh, come on, Joannie, I haven't
even had my coffee yet.'
Exactly what I said when
she dragged me over here.
I know, it's too good an idea
to wait, it's perfect.
I think you're gonna
hate it, Dave.
Oh, no, come here, Sus..
See it has impact, it's
never ever been done before
and it has an emotional appeal
to your target audience.
You'll see.
Okay, Susan, now read this,
exactly the way
you did in rehearsal.
Well, as long as you understand,
this wasn't my idea.
[sighs]
Hello, there, home owners.
As you can see,
I'm having an addition.
- If you want an addition--
- No, no, no, turn, turn.
- If you want an addition--
- Addition, see.
A new bathroom
or a new family room
call Bradford Construction.
Take it from me,
there's the addition experts.
Hmm, stop.
- What? What's wrong?
- It's terrible, Joannie.
That decides it,
we're going into newspapers.
Oh, no, no, David. Oh, David,
David, that's just a suggestion.
I mean, I could think
of others.
Oh, give me
another chance, please.
Maybe we should, David.
I mean it is terrible, but, uh..
...it does stick in your mind.
And in your throat.
So, I'll keep on trying.
I'll get it, you'll see.
(Tom)
'You're absolutely sure
about that, Charles?'
There is no Lucky Nick mine,
in all of the Yukon?
Boy, oh, boy,
that's what I figured.
Well, listen, thank you so much,
for calling up there
and checking it out.
You're not only the best agency
in the state
but you're a true friend.
Charles, thanks.
I owe you one, right, bye-bye.
(Mrs. Pennington)
'It's coffee time,
Mr. Bradford.'
Oh, uh, not right now,
I have some calls to make.
Oh, you work too hard,
Mr. Bradford.
I worry about you,
have some health cookies.
- Health cookies?
- I made them myself.
Just for you.
Oh, gosh, that was very nice,
but, I mean..
...that's not part of
your secretarial work.
- Donna never made cookies.
- Ha-ha.
I really enjoyed it,
Mr. Bradford.
Um, I think
men should be fussed over.
Oh , yeah, but, no ,no,
not during work hours.
- Then I'll save them for lunch.
- Oh.
I've prepared
a wonderful lunch for you
and I'll serve it
right here, at your desk.
No, I'll tell you,
I won't be here for lunch.
I have some family business
to attend to
and I will remain at home.
because I will continue
to write my column there.
- Again?
- Yes, again.
But I-I'll see you later,
Mrs. Pennington.
Well, I could serve you
lunch right there.
Oh, no, no, no.
That won't be necessary.
You stay here and take messages.
Take them but
don't deliver them.
I'll miss you.
Oh, isn't that nice?
Well, I'll miss you.
Well, I mean, I won't miss you,
I'll see you later.
Goodbye, Mrs. Pennington.
Come on, Joe.
Show me one more time.
I've already showed you so many
times you could show me.
- Hey, you want me to?
- Yeah, might as well.
You're gonna have to find it
yourself this summer anyway.
Okay.
Let's see.
Now, this is Grizzly Peak.
(Nicholas)
'And this
is the Two Indian river.'
'Now, you come around'
'Grizzly Peak like that,
come all the way down here'
'you crossover at the bend'
and then you go two miles north
and there's "Lucky Nick."
And how do you know
it's "The Lucky Nick"?
'Cause the nuggets are
as big as your nose.
[chuckles]
Now, that's
an exaggeration, Nicholas.
(Joe)
'They're big as your nose.'
'Not mine.'
Well, that's what I meant.
You know somethin',
I wish me and you were
at the Yukon right now.
'What's the hurry, partner?'
Well, tomorrow when I go to
school, I got a math test.
Oh, I see.
Well, maybe I better go help you
study for it.
- Do we have to?
- Yep, come on, let's do it.
What's wrong, Joe?
I don't feel so good.
J-Joe!
Help, somebody.
'Help! Somebody.'
'Quick! Help!'
Help!
Somebody, come quick!
Nicholas.
Nicholas, what is it?
It's Joe, he fell out there!
What?
Who fell?
'Joe!'
That's it.
It's the old con.
What happened?
It's the insurance hustle,
he's faking.
- Who?
- Joe.
He makes believe he falls down
and hurts his back
then claims whiplash.
Dad, dad.
Call the paramedics.
I think Joe has
had a heart att*ck.
I sure am glad you didn't have
to spend the night
at the hospital.
So am I.
How you feelin'?
I feel good now that
I am back here with you.
- You're gonna be okay.
- Yeah.
I could tell you
"The Huff And Puff story."
Say, that'd be nice.
That'd be real nice.
[sighs]
Actually, Mary's diagnosis
was quite understandable.
Angina's often mistaken
for a heart att*ck.
The symptoms
are quite similar.
But he's gonna be okay?
Well, with a little rest
he'll be fine.
If he doesn't stop taking his
medication again.
Again?
(Dr. Maxwell)
'That's what bought
on the angina att*ck.'
He says he forgot
but frankly I think
he just couldn't afford it.
But he said he was rich.
Hardly, if he's had one meal
a day in the past weeks
'I'd be surprised.'
'He's bordering
on malnutrition.'
Malnutrition.
I don't get it,
what's going on with him?
It's about time we ask
Joe Simons exactly that.
I don't think you should do that
Tom, he's in no condition
for any inquisition.
Okay. But there are other ways
of finding out.
What was the name of that police
detective down at San Diego
that I met when I was looking
for Nicholas?
He knew all about Joe Simons.
He kept a complete file on him.
I don't know,
you never told me.
I have it on my address book.
Oh, shucks,
I left it at the office.
Call, Mrs. Pennington.
I don't want to talk
to that woman.
- What woman?
- It's Tom's new secretary.
According to him she practically
chases him around the desk.
I hope that's true.
You can use the exercise.
Maybe I can sneak in
without her seeing me.
Well, Nicholas is sure
gonna be disappointed
when he finds out about Joe.
Nicholas isn't gonna find out.
Not just yet. Don't you agree?
Yeah.
There we go.
[sighs]
Oh, Mr. Bradford.
You came back.
Yes, I did. I have a very
important phone call to make.
- Well, I won't bother you.
- Excellent.
I just have one
teensy question to ask
would you join me
for dinner tonight?
What?
Dinner at my apartment,
would you join me?
Well, I eat dinner with
my wife and my children
and my current crisis
every night.
Couldn't you make this
one exception?
No, Mrs. Pennington,
I could not.
Now, I'm having a very
difficult time right now.
I have a serious problem
at home.
'I don't have time for any
of this'
'adolescent foolishness
of yours.'
I would appreciate it very much
if you would leave me alone.
I knew you wouldn't understand,
how could you?
Understand?
I understand that I am
constantly embarrassed
and interrupted.
I can't even get any work done
in my own office
and I'm not going to put up
with it any longer.
Aspirins are bad but wait--
I don't want any aspirin.
I just want to be left alone.
Mr. Bradford, please,
now let me explain.
No, let me explain, alright.
After I make this
very important phone call
I'm going to call Mrs. Cooper,
and I'm going to tell her
'to replace you and get me'
'another secretary
until Donna returns.'
'Now, I really think that's the
best thing for both of us.'
Mr. Bradford--
That's the last thing
I'm going to say.
Goodbye, Mrs. Pennington.
Thank you.
Thank you very much,
Mr. Bradford.
Thank you.
What the hell
was she thanking me about?
You want it to sound like who?
Boz Scaggs. You know, soft,
sophisticated, semi symphonic.
I think the only thing
that we have that even
comes close to sounding like
Boz Scaggs is our imitation
of "Sha-na-na-na."
Well, we could try I guess.
Now, let me see the lyrics
in the lead sheet.
Oh, there's no lead sheet
or anything
but the tune is real easy,
it's "She Loves you".
- She Loves You?
- Yeah, you know, "The Beatles."
- Gee.
- I don't know, Joannie.
Come on, Bradford,
it's a classic.
Oh, let's see.
♪ You think you lost your roof ♪
♪ Well I saw it yesterday ♪
That's it, you got it.
♪ David Bradford's
drawing board ♪
♪ And he told me
what to say-ay ♪
♪ He said remodel ♪
♪ And you know
that can't be bad ♪
♪ Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! ♪
♪ He said remodel ♪
♪ And you know
you should be glad ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ The builder who will please ♪
♪ You budget he won't squeeze ♪
♪ David Bradford yeah!
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! ♪♪
Yeah!
(both)
'No!'
Well, let's see here.
- I'll bet two.
- Two.
I'll bet two
and I'll raise you two.
It's time to take
your medicine.
I just took it.
No, Joe,
that was two hours ago.
I'll see you two.
I got Jacks and sevens.
Three little ladies.
[chuckles]
By golly, you haven't
lost your touch, kid.
Let's see.
Here's--
Next thing I know you'll be
telling me to take my vitamins.
Not now.
You take those with meals.
I do, do I?
[sighs]
- You feelin' better?
- Yeah, a little, Nicholas.
I'm sorry about this.
I didn't mean to scare you.
Well, I'm not scared now.
Now that Dr. Max and Mary
said you gonna be back
to your old self after you get
a lot of rest and eat a lot.
Well, sometimes it isn't easy
to be your old self.
You mean, you're still sick?
It has nothin' to do
with a man's body, Nicholas
it has to do with
how he feels about himself.
How other people look at him.
Yeah, well, you shouldn't worry
about that, Joe, I mean
you are important,
you got a gold mine.
Yeah, that's right, Nicholas.
I'm a big man.
'Real big.'
[sighs]
Dad, what's this all about?
I had several talks on the phone
with Detective Marshall
down at San Diego, he's done
some checking for me
and now I know why
Joe Simons is here.
It's obviously not to give
Nicholas his share
in his gold mine.
Hardly. He's never
even been to the Yukon.
When he came back from Hawaii,
he went right back to San Diego
where he had some hard times.
He had two friends down there.
Nathan, who d*ed eight months
ago, and Anna who went east'
'to live with here niece.'
Right after she left he started
getting this angina att*cks
and there was nobody there to
help him so, the welfare people
just put him into a nursing home
as a ward off the state.
- Well, he must have hated that.
- Yeah, I guess so.
'Last month he ran away.'
Well, where's he been
in the meantime?
Wherever it was,
he was literally starving.
Why was he pretending
to be so rich?
'I don't know. Pride, habit..'
Well, maybe he intended
a con and got sick
before he could pull it off.
Well, maybe he was just conning
us for a place to live
and food to eat.
Dad, we can't turn him out now.
He has no place else to go.
[sighs]
[sniffs]
Good morning, Joe. Did you have
a good night's sleep?
- Just fine, Mr. Bradford.
- That's wonderful.
Well, it's a beautiful day.
- Mornin', Joe.
- Mornin'.
Should I make your breakfast now
or do you want to wait
till everybody gets up?
Well, what do you think your
father would like best?
(Nicholas)
'What's the difference?'
He's a hard man
to figure sometimes.
- You mean he gets bossy.
- No, it's not that.
He's been so nice lately,
it's scary.
Yeah, well,
sometimes he's like that.
I used to try and figure it out
but nobody else in the family
can, so why should I?
Come here, son.
Did your father say anything
about me havin' to leave?
You don't have to leave,
Joe, do you?
I'm just askin' you
if he said anything?
Nothing.
- Well, he's up to somethin'.
- Why do you think that?
'Cause he's actin' kinda funny.
He's just trying to be friendly.
Well, friendly ain't normal.
I like it when people are
friendly, don't you?
Yeah, but it ain't normal.
But I like it.
Sure got a nice home here,
Nicholas. A real nice family.
- Glad you like it.
- It's homey.
Real homey.
Makes a man feel proud
just bein' here.
[coughs]
[sighs]
[phone rings]
Hello.
A-ha, hi, Jack.
Well, yeah. Well listen, um..
Why don't I call you back, okay?
Bye-bye.
Really?
This one I will see again.
[giggles]
What's it like being an intern?
Well, it's like--
[snoring]
Dad, I don't think
we can hack it anymore.
How can we have people
in the living room?
Oh, you don't mean people,
you mean, Del Reese.
I mean anybody.
Dad, how can we have guests
when Joe's always there
in his undershirt.
Well, I lent him my pajamas
and my bath robe.
And anyway, it wasn't my idea
to have Joe stay here.
As I remember, it was Nancy
who moved for the motion
and the rest of you voted
unanimously for approval.
Why is it the few times
in history this house
has a democracy,
it just doesn't work?
Dad, look, Joe's
a nice old guy but--
Dad, look, I am very concerned
about Joe's health
and his well being
but maybe it would have been
easier if he'd just pulled
a con and disappeared again.
But he didn't disappear,
he's here.
And he's not well. And I'm sure
he has spent his last dollars
on that rented limousine.
And we owe him the same
kindness and care
that he gave to Nicholas.
No, this isn't exactly
my line of work, no.
Oh, no. It's alright,
Mr. Simons, really.
All you have to do is just read
this, I mean, I really think
you can do this job.
You exude a kind of
sincerity, you know?
- Nah.
- Sure you do, Joe.
Yeah? Well, if you say so.
How much does
sincerity pay these days?
Oh, well, I still have to
finalize the budget with David
but it will definitely be
worth your time.
Oh, yeah.
In that case, what do I do?
Well, I kind of visualize that
you'd be, you'd be digging
'you see, and then you you'd
pause and, and you'd lean'
'on your shovel
and you turn to the camera'
'and just start talkin'.'
You know?
I mean, of course right now
all you have to do is read it.
- That's all I got to do?
- Yeah.
Okay.
[clears throat]
Hello there, friends and
neighbors, I'm Joe Simons.
I'm a gold miner and I just hit
pay dirt in Sacramento.
The gold I found was
Bradford Construction company.
Let Bradford Construction
remodel your house.
Take it from an old miner.
This is..
...a company
you'll really dig.
[Joannie laughs]
Oh, that is sensational,
Mr. Simons. Really.
I gotta tell David about this
right away.
I don't think so, Joannie.
Well, why not?
You were really wonderful.
Nah.
Well, I don't want to hurt
your feelings.
That's alright, Mr. Simons.
You just go ahead and tell me,
there's no room
for sensitive egos
in the creative arts.
Well, the truth is,
I like it here.
I got a family now
and a nice home
and I don't want to risk
being run outta town.
(Elizabeth)
'I'm sorry, Jack, I can't.'
Oh, no, you don't have to come
over here
this place is still
pretty dreary.
'You got it, Nicholas's friend.'
'Well, we all feel
sorry for him'
'but he sure makes
life complicated.'
We can't have people over,
we can't play music or watch TV.
It's just awkward.
I know, the poor guy
'doesn't mean to be a burden
but I'm worried about dad'
and the family budget.
I mean, you know
this family does not need
another mouth to feed
and more medical bills.
(man on TV)
'Here comes the express swell
moment of this show.'
'John, hand her
the Easy Money dart.
- 'Take the dart, Gretchen.'
- 'Got it.'
'Do you see the Easy Money dart
board up there on the wall?'
(woman on TV)
'I sure do.'
(man on TV)
'So, aim quickly.'
(woman on TV)
'Here goes.'
[laughing]
Hey?
- Joe, we've got to talk.
- Yeah.
What's wrong, partner?
Let's me and you run away.
- Run away?
- Yeah.
You remember how much fun
we had in San Diego.
Well, let's have fun like that.
Now, hold on here, Nicholas,
what brought this on?
Nothing. People only worry
about money around here.
(Nicholas)
'I've got it!'
We'll give 'em some gold.
Give who some gold?
The family.
Then they can't say it.
Say what?
Nothing.
What did they say, Nicholas?
They said
you're a burden, Joe.
That's what they say, huh?
It doesn't matter, Joe.
You'll never be a burden to me.
[sighs]
No, Nicholas,
I never will.
Ever.
I'm sorry, Joe.
I didn't mean to scare you.
I didn't know
anybody else was here.
Are you going out?
You should be resting.
Oh, I feel fine.
I got to catch that
next plane North.
(Abby)
'You're leaving?'
Joe, you can't.
Got no choice.
See business is business.
Well, maybe you could just
postpone your trip
for a little while, you know,
'cause your really not ready
to travel yet and..
Well, you and I could go see
Dr. Max, together.
Well, that's mighty nice of you,
ma'am, but like I said
I got no choice.
Seems like nobody knows
how to run that gold mine
when I'm not there.
Does Nicholas know?
Well, there wasn't time
to tell him.
I don't know if I could face him
if there was time..
Would you tell him for me?
Well, he'll be home from school
in just minutes
can't you wait?
No, I don't want to miss
that airplane.
Well, I could call the school
and have him dismissed early.
He'd be so disappointed
if he doesn't see you.
Well..
(Abby)
'Joe, it could be, it could
be a really long time'
'before you'd see
each other again, you know?'
And what, with your business
obligations and all..
Just let him say goodbye.
Yeah, I guess,
maybe you're right.
Could be a long time.
I've got the number upstairs,
I'll call him.
(Tom)
'He's leaving?'
What got into him?
I talked to Nicholas
when he got home and it seems
they were discussing the fact
that Joe was a burden.
Wonderful.
Listen, Abby,
I think it's about time we
laid our cards on the table.
I mean, let's tell him that we
know the true situation.
It's about time he faced
the facts about himself
and about his phoney gold mine.
I mean, he's got to confront
reality sometime.
Hold him there.
I'll be right home.
Okay.
- Mr. Bradford.
- Oh, Mrs. Pennington.
Please, I thought
we had an understanding.
Not really. That's why
I have to talk to you.
- Well, I have an emergency.
- This is an emergency.
It's taken me days to get enough
courage to come here.
- I wanted to thank you.
- Thank me, for what?
- Dismissing you?
- For helping.
- I don't understand.
- How could you?
If you knew what was going on
it wouldn't have worked.
This is the first job
I've had in years.
Arthur, my husband
never wanted me to work.
When he passed away,
I-I was terror stricken.
And I just
stayed in the house.
I didn't wanna be alone.
But I didn't know
how to reach out
and find someone
to share it with again.
And then,
when I finally went for help
they said I should find a man
and experiment with asking
for companionship.
But why me?
Because I had no one else,
and of course it's no mistake
you're happily married.
- It's safer that way.
- I see.
I'm sorry for being
so unfeeling.
Oh, don't be sorry.
I needed to risk
making a fool of myself.
What you did,
that was very brave.
Thank you, Mr. Bradford.
- Tom.
- Thank you, Tom.
And you're right, I was brave.
And you know something, I feel
a lot better about myself.
I mean, I know everything
isn't over
and I can still keep fighting
for my happiness.
- I think you'll win.
- Oh, well.
Even if I don't, that's better
than losing, isn't it?
(Mrs. Pennington)
'I'm never gonna let anybody
tell me my life is over.'
A person needs her pride.
- You know what, Joe?
- What?
Well, I got some long underwear.
It used to be Tommy's
before he grew.
He says, it's so warm
that you don't even have to
wear a sweater.
Sorry, Nicholas.
You still can't come with me.
But I got
David's old ski mittens.
No.
It's too cold up there.
I'll write you about you
maybe comin' up in the summer.
You promise?
I promise.
Okay, but do you think you can
maybe write before summer?
You know, the kind
of a letter writer I ain't.
And I'm gonna be very busy.
Well, maybe you could just send
me a post card.
You know,
just to say you miss me.
I'll miss you.
I'll really miss you, Joe.
Could you give
your grandpa a hug?
Sure.
(Abby)
'Tom, don't be too hard on him.'
I don't think he pulled
the gold con to con us
I think he did it
to con himself.
So he could just
have back a little
of his self-respect
and his dignity.
He's penniless, we can't
let him go on the highway
looking for greener pastures.
Well, obviously,
he'd rather do that than
go back to that nursing home.
Well, what will he do?
He'll just go on
being Joe Simons.
Yeah, the man who rather
pull a hustle than eat.
All we can do is send him off
with our good wishes.
Yeah. But you can't go too far
on good wishes these days
it takes cash.
Well, you know how he feels
about charity
he's not goin' to
accept our money.
And we can't offer it to him
in front of Nicholas
and embarrass him.
There maybe another way.
Joe, I don't want to impose on
our friendship
or you special relationship
with Nicholas
But I can't let you leave town.
Well, I'm asking you once more
please, as a special favor
to me, make an exception
'and let me invest
in "The Lucky Nick" gold mine.'
I know it's against your policy
and I know I am imposing
on our friendship
but I tell you the truth
I really need a good blue chip
investment, right now.
If it would be alright with you
I could write you out a check.
- Well, check--
- Oh, it's good.
I mean, the banks are open
and you could go right there
and cash it right away.
I guess it could be arranged.
Oh, thanks a lot.
I appreciate it.
You can send me
the proper stock certificates
as soon as you get to your
executive office.
You trust me to do that?
There's no man I trust more.
In fact, you don't have
to send them down to me.
You just bring them
the next time you visit us.
You got quite
a dad here, Nicholas.
- You take care of him.
- I will.
Well, I guess
I'll be moseying on.
Do you need a ride
to the airport?
No, thanks.
Nice day. I'll just
stroll down to my hotel
and my chauffer can do it.
Of course.
Your chauffer will take you.
Is there anything else
that we could do for you?
I got everything
a man could ask for.
Can I walk you
to the corner, Joe?
Sure, Nicholas.
Come on.
- Bye, Joe.
- Bye.
You old con man,
you reprobate.
No, I'm not so good.
I wanted so much
to give him his dignity.
And then I feel like he could
see through me.
So, he'll just know
how much we love him.
The money's gonna
keep him going
but the love
will keep him happy.
So, where do we fit
into this spectacular?
Well, all I need from you
Elizabeth is about
male and female dancers.
Seventy five?
Well, there's got to be
at least that many
in the university
dance club, right?
What about budget?
Hey, you know,
David is not gonna go for this.
Well, I think the dancers--
- David's not gonna go for what?
- Oh, male and fem--
No, no, no. Elizabeth, don't
tell him, it's not fair.
You gotta describe
the whole concept, you know.
David, I have such a great idea
for you this time.
Forget it, Joannie.
See, to start with, we sh**t on
actual location, we find a house
that's obviously in trouble
remodeling wise..
- Forget it?
- I'm not gonna go on TV.
Oh, David, why not?
Because I got four remodeling
jobs yesterday.
- Oh, congratulations.
- Four? How did you do that?
(David)
'Well, the first one came when
Merle told some of his Cyclone'
teammates about the commercial
Joannie asked them to do.
The second one came when Susan
did the same thing
at the day care center
and Ernie got me the others.
(Joannie)
'Hey, David.'
My commercial's worked
so great, you know
without even being filmed, think
how wonderful they'd be on TV.
I know, but I've got more
remodeling jobs
than I can handle right now.
If I need some more,
I know who to come to.
Okay.
♪ B is for the best way
to remodel ♪
♪ R is for our rates
which are so low ♪♪
[laughing]
[theme music]
[music continues]
04x20 - The Return of Joe Simons
Watch/Buy Amazon
The show was modeled on the life of syndicated newspaper columnist Tom Braden, a real-life parent with eight children, who wrote a book by the same title.
The show was modeled on the life of syndicated newspaper columnist Tom Braden, a real-life parent with eight children, who wrote a book by the same title.