02x39 - Sidekick Sideshow / The Maxum Method

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♪ We are splitsboro kids


♪ And we go to sidekick school


♪ Learning to be second best


♪ While playing by the rules


♪ Maxum man is missing


♪ Now we rule the school


♪ Flyin', smashin', bashin' stuff ♪


♪ And lookin' super cool


♪ I'm a sidekick, sidekick


♪ That's the life for me


♪ Half-sized superzeros


♪ With full-sized hero dreams


♪ I'm a sidekick, sidekick


♪ What an awesome gig


♪ Just like superheroes (just like superzeroes)


♪ But only half as big


♪ Sidekick!


(Crowd claps)


Announcer live from downtown splittsboro, it's time for...


Announcer and audience sidekick sideshow!


I can't believe that all I had to do


Was call hours a day for straight weeks


To get us on the show!


(Buzzing)


Eric this is the best show ever!


Announcer and now your host, walter ego!


It's sidekick sideshow:


Where sidekicks compete for the right


To be named sidekick champion -


Or get eaten by mutant sharks


Cloned by really evile geniuses.


Yay! (Cheering)


Now, let's meet todaaaaay's shark bait!


Our first player is eric needles,


Sidekick to the great maxum man!


Crowd oooh...


Walter ego tell us about that.


That's right, walt, one day i-


(Muffled)


That's just great.


And now let's meet this lovely...


Ah, who cares?!


We all know why we're here:


Let's start the brutality! (Fireworks whoosh and pop)


(Cheering)


You know the rules!


Sidekicks must survive all our super-challenges -


And they never do.


We'll start the destruction


After a message from evile cola,


Now made with real panda tears...


(Applause) p.a. And we're out.


Aggh!


I can't wait to win this!


Imagine, sidekick champion.


Vana you? Hah!


Maybe I'll let you applaud when I win. Maybe.


Oh yeah?


Well, I've seen this show a quajillion times,


I am gonna be top sidebar!


All (laughing) yeah, right!


Oh, me!


What about you, kitty?


Kitty I'd just like to see us all compete honourably


And may the best-


She's doomed. Totally.


Even I have more of a chance.


Walter ego we're back!


Let's begin with a little challenge


I like to call...


Sink or spin!


Ooh! Ooh! Walt! I know this one!


First we get spun,


Then jump across those rocks


Through mutant shark-infested waters


Where we either ring the bell and live,


Or we fall in the water and die!


Er, in the game, I mean. (Giggles)


Yes... In the game. (Clears throat)


Well, thank you, kitty.


Aren't you eager?


Now, let's start the sidekick sideshow!


(Whirring)


(Strains and moans)


Aghhhhh!


Awesome!


Oh no! Eric gets sick in the shower -


Or so I'm told.


This isn't gonna be good!


Oh, watch it, needles,


I don't want any puke on me


When I'm crowned sidekick champ!


(Vomit splatters, disgusted screams)


(Cackles)


Sounds like it's time for part two!


(Button beeps)


(Wheel stops abrubtly)


Whooooaaa! Oof!


(Dizzy moans)


(Jaws snap)



(Gasps) no! I won't fail.


Ten years of super-ballet


Have totally prepared me for this!


Trevor super-ballet?!


Try years of tap on for size!


Doo-doo-doo-aghh!


(Growling)


(Humming)


(Grunts of effort)


(Eric vomits)


(Crowd cheers)


(Dings)


Whoa! (Splash)


Aghhhhhh!


Yes!


I'm one step closer to sidekick champion


And leaving you suckers behind!


(Groans)


Come on, eric!


Let's show her what we can do!


Eric (groans)


I can't.


My championship dreams are... Over.


(Barfs)


Time is running out.


Looks like we might eliminate two sidekicks at once!


That's double the fun!


Oh no you won't!


Hold on, eric!


(Grunts of effort) ha! Ha! Ha! Ahhhhh!


(Gasps)


(Snarls)


Ya! (Fizzles)


(Grunts of effort) ha! Ha! Ha! Ahhhhh!


(Counting) ...nine, eight, seven,


Six, five,


Four, three, two, one!


(Bell dings, buzzer sounds)


You did it, buddy!


I did it?


I did it!


Who did it?


(Grunts of effort)


I don't know what to say.


I couldn't have done it without you.


You saved me.


Oh, eric. I... I...


Thanks, kathy.


What? (Snap) (screams) it's kitty!


(Splash)


(Cheering)


Welcome back to round two!


Everyone knows sidekicks make amazing projectiles,


So let's play...


Walter ego and crowd be the ball!


Walter ego the rules are simple:


You drop down through the obstacles


And try to reach the safe landing area


To advance to the next round.


Fail and you fall into a demon dimension!


Sidekicks ready?!


(Evil cackle)


All whoaaaa!


Agh! Agh! Agh!


Totally worth it!


Agh!


Winning this show is gonna be even better than pizza!


Aghh! Oof!


Don't worry, he didn't mean it.


Agh! Agh! Agh! (Laser balasts)


This is gonna be so easy.


Agh! Agh!


Ahhhhh!


(Laughs)


A perfect landing!


What else would you expect from the perfect sidekick?!


Just give me the championship now, walt.


It's mine!


Are you sure?


Aw man.


Trevor and eric agggggghhhhhhhh!


Agggghhhhh!


Tell eric I hate him!


She totally ignored me!


Vana and trevor tooooooo!


She knows my name!


Wait for meeeeee!


Agggghhhhhhhh! (Flames roar, evil laughter)


Huh. Well, that was unexpected.


Walter ego well, it's all come down to this.


For the first time ever


We may be about to crown our sidekick sideshow champion!


Eric needles is only one challenge away from victory!


(Cheering)


Eric, welcome tooo... The lightning round!


(Lightning cracks loudly)


Eric an empty room? Ha!


I live in the maxum mansion!


I go through bigger empty rooms


All the time!



(Humming)


Oof!


Walter ego the rules are simple:


Just cross the finish line and win.


So why is it called the lightning round, walt?


(Button beeps)


Aggghhhhhhh! (Fizzles)


I see what you did there.


Walter ego sidekick ready?


Go!


(Cheering)


Come on, eric, go! Go! Go! Go!


Time to take it up a notch.


(Evil cackle)


Aggghhhh! (Fizzles)


Come on, eric,


Fleeing blindly has never failed you before!


(Grunts) aghhhhh!


Oof! Ahhh!


(Gasps)


(Gasps)


I did it! I won! I won!


(Cheering and applause)


Walter ego congratulations, eric.


How does it feel to be our first ever


Sidekick sideshow sidekick champion!


It feels great.


Well, let's see what we can do about that.


Activate the sidekick sideshow teleporter!


A teleporter?! Wow-oof!


(Pain birds chirp, groans)


Aggghhhh!


(Muffled screams)


My friends are in chains.


This looks suspiciously like a dungeon,


Rather than a glitzy awards show.


The host of the show just stormed in


Carrying a huge w*apon which he is aiming at me.


Hmm...


Let's get this award ceremony started!


(Muffles screams)


Sorry to disappoint, sidekick,


But there is no ceremony,


No award, and thanks to you,


No more walter ego!


(Cackles)


Eric xox?!


(Trevor, kitty and vana scream)


Being a super villain was all the practice I needed


To be a game show host.


It was the perfect plan!


Lure you simple-minded sidekicks to your doom


While I entertained the masses


And basked in the fame and glory of celebrity!


(Cackles)


And it worked until you stumbled your way to victory


And ruined it all!


Goodbye, sidekick!


(Whimpers)


Wait!


How about you host a new show with a twist?


Xox welcome back to evile henchmen sideshow,


Where evile lackeys get blown up over and over again


For no reason at all!


Now let get this sideshow started!


(Button beeps)


(Whimpers)


Oof! (Loud crash)


Kitty more mindless v*olence.


What is the world coming to?


Hey, give the audience what it wants


And you can't go wrong.


This is the best show ever!


Totally!


See?


Remember, you too can be a contestant.


Just dial -total-evile!


Call now!


(Dinging, steam whistle blows)


Hey! I have an idea.


We should totally go on that show.


I can't believe you, trevor!


Best idea ever!


Eric dial it! Faster! Trevor me first!


Are you going to stop them or should i?


Meh. Let's see where this goes.


Eric give me that! Trevor no! I want it!


(Fighting grunts)


♪♪♪


(Rings)


(Laughing)


Kitty (gasps and shrieks loudly)


(Spits drink)


We all like cartoon animals, kitty,


But that's a bit much.


Kitty it's not the cartoon.


My personal spy satellite just spotted joshua sideburns,


And he's here!


He's my super biggest mega-crush ever!


Oh, eric, I still like you too.



Wow! So awkward.


(Grunts) what's awkward now?


(Doorbell rings)


(Eric glugs drink, belches loudly)


Joshua sideburns?!


Hello, person who helped me with security on my last film.


Uh...


Other person. Girl person.


Kitty joshuaaaaaaagh!


(Fizzles)


Scary girl person...


A personal anti-fan force field?


Well played, sir.


But I won't be stopped that easily!


(Crazed laughter)


(Heart thuds)


Agghhh!


Vana you are so embarrassing!


Kitty I breathed his air!


Aggghhhhh! (Loud crash)


Owwww!


I must say, that was very...


Impressive? Yeah, I get that a lot.


You are such a summer.


Eric so are you in splittsboro


To sh**t another teen mummy movie?


No, I've outgrown those silly roles.


I'm branching out into serious acting.


"Joshua sideburns saves the world hard


In this summer's wildest blockbuster,


'Maxum boogaloo.'"


Joshua sideburns it will be a huge action movie,


But with heart.


I'll be portraying maxum man,


The greatest hero the world has ever known!


Wow! Cool!


Yay!


(Loud crash, cat screeches and hisses)


And that is why I am here.


I want to train at maxum man's side.


I want to know what makes a hero tick.


I want to slip into his life like a warm bath


And swim in his soothing waters!


So is he around or what?


Um, if I understand correctly, and I rarely do,


You're looking for maxum man,


But, um, he's away and won't be back for hours.


Years! No, uh, days.


Hey, eric, I have a great idea.


I thought you might.


If maxum man is "away" again


Then why don't you train joshua?


Huh?


Joshua likes.


What? No. I can't train him.


Why not? You're maxum man's best bud.


You must know all about him, right?


What are you saying, vana?


Are you trying to imply that my life is a sham?


That I don't have the faintest idea


About the man who I claim is my super?


Agghhh! That I've never even met him?


Is that what you're trying to say?!


(Panting)


Fine. Don't train him then.


(Chuckles) oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you!


Well, I am so training him!


I will train joshua like no joshua


Has ever been trained before!


(Gasps)


Agh!


All right, that did not go as planned.


Okay, so... As your first official,


Uh, how-to-be maxum-man lesson,


I thought we should start...


With a classic thing that uh...


Maxum man does.


(Grunts)


Hey... Check it out.


That's not even a thing!


Boooooo in front!


(Object thuds) aghhhh!


No. I was hoping for something a little more supery


And a lot less "creepy."


Oooh! I know!


You should show joshua how maxum pan flies!


(Groans in pain)


Trevor!


(Doorbell rings)


I got it!


And I'm totally answering the door


And not stalling!


Hello. May i, um, help you?


Kitty I'm a successful and glamorous movie star person


Who is looking for joshua sideburns.


Um...


Oh, joshua, darling... (Fake laugh)


Charmed. I'm sorry, have we met?


Of course we've met.


I'm your greatest fan ever!



Joshuuuua!


Whoa!


Boom! Freeze ray!


Kitty, stop that!


And are those my clothes?!


Joshua sideburns (claps) that was amazing!


Say, how would you like to be my new bodyguard?!


Will I get to watch eric make a fool of himself


Training you?


Of course.


I'm in.


Gah!


Now let's try that flying thing.


Kitty woo-hooo!


The wind always looks so great


Blowing through my hair.


Trevor (loud, drawn out belch)


(Farts)


Joshua, this isn't real!


None of us have super powers, so we can't fly!


Trevor I found these rocket packs in the evil gadget room!


(Groans)


Maxum flight training it is!


Come on, eric!


I want to see some of maxum man's


Amazing super-maneuvers,


Yeah, come on, eric, fly!


(Flicks rocket switch)


(Rocket pack hisses and whooshes off)


Aggghhhhhh! Whoa-whoa-whoa!


Aggghhh! Aggghhh!


Uh-oh!


Aggghhhhhh!


Agggghhhhh!


(Rocket pack coughs and ignites)


Aghhhhhhh!


(Laughs)


Now this is more like it!


Go, eric!


(Whooshing)


Aghhhhhhh!


(Gasps)


(Window smashes, tenants scream)


Wha-aggghhhhh!


Come on!


(Glass shatters, screaming)


(Laughing)


Meh.


Aaagggghhhhh!


Joshua sideburns now this is super!


I must have more of this maxum-experience!


Where's eric? Where's my super-trainer?


(Groans in pain)


Joshua sideburns that was amazing!


I feel so powerful, so... So super!


What a rush!


The power! The skin-tight suit!


I truly am maxum man!


You mean you're an actor pretending to be maxum man.


Huh? Yeah. Yeah, of course. Of course. Pretending.


La la-la...


(Low rumbling, everyone gasps)


All aaaggghhhhhh!


Where is maxum man?


(Gasps) xox?!


I got this invitation from maxum man


To a battle royale,


And who am I to turn that down?!


Eric you invited xox to a battle?!


Of course I did.


What better way to show


That I have truly become maxum man,


Then by defeating my greatest nemesis


In a fair fight!


I keep telling you, you're not maxum man!


Your a movie star with makeup!


Those muscles are foam rubber!


Whoa!


That hair is...


Well, the hair is totally great as always.


Oh yeah.


Dreamy.


Perfecto. (Crazed laughter)


(Zapping) whoa!


But you are not a superhero


And xox is going to destroy you!


Stand aside, sidekick,


And let maxum man handle this!


Do your worst, xox!


I can't watch.


Me either!


Down, kitty!


This is gonna be so good!


(Cackles)


(Cackles)


Say goodbye, maxum man!


(Phone rings)


Oh, hang on.


Talk to me. Yup.


Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Really?



You don't say!


Okay. Well, this has been swell -


Really, really fun -


But we've got to head back to the studio.


Studio?


We?


Joshua sideburns oh, we start sh**ting


The maxum man movie today, everyone!


Say hello to my fabulous co-star,


Mr. Taylor chincleft!


(Lovesick sigh)


Taylor chincleft!


Aggghhhh! (Groans)


I told you to stay down.


He'll be playing xox in my movie


And we were rehearsing.


Rehearsing?!


This was all some elaborate hollywood lie?!


Pretty much, yes. (Laughs)


You didn't think we'd really fight


And damage these, did you?!


(Heavenly choir sings, wind gusts)


(Helicopter buzzes overhead)


Thank you, eric.


You were a great super-trainer.


You really made me feel like a hero.


Well, thank you for coming into my life again


And destroying everything.


Anytime! Let's roll!


Kitty joshua! Joshua!


I'm coming! I'm coming, joshua!


Joshua!


Whoooaaaaa!


(Dull thud)


Trevor what kind of an ending was that?


There was all that buildup and then - pfft! -


Nothing!


Eric well, trevor,


Sometimes real life doesn't have a hollywood ending.


Xox really?! Eric xox! Again!


That's right, sidekick!


You might be a good guy superhero trainer,


But who do you think hollywood comes to


When they want a super-villain trainer?


Now, since I'm here anyway...


Prepare to be destroyed!


(Panicked whimpers)


Now this is more like it!


Aghhhhh!


Go, xox!


(Loud crash)


Aghhhhhh!


Yeah, I'd pay money to see this.


(Loud thud)


Aggghhhhhhh!


Aggghhhhhhh!